Also known as: • deflect & diminish • invalidation • funneling/coercion • word salad circular arguing

Tim, when you talk it's like having a trusted friend online

Another confusion tactic: they'll go into play-by-play on the argument, trying to distract you and confuse you rather than address the points you are making.

Man, I COULD NOT use logic with my ex. This video makes so much sense to me. It is so difficult to keep your composure when an argument cannot be based on the facts and they twist everything. Before you know it, you are on the defense about something that happened a year ago and not the SIMPLE disagreement or argument! Nothing is constructive or have any sort of compromise! I still miss her, somehow! WTF! hahaha.

How's this for faulty logic. When i was 12 i was removed by child protection because of neglect and lack of protection from family scapegoating. Instead of my family admitting that they were the cause, they say.. "it was for your own good". They will frame everything that they did as 'good'. Its pure insanity.

This explains so much why I kept feeling so disoriented when I’d try to have a calm rational discussion with my cheating, lying husband who has high narcissistic traits.

Because I wouldn't raise my voice at my ex when 'arguing' she actually told me to yell at her. Narcissists need to feel they are the victim in everything. I learned that the best thing to do is to to not engage. It starves them of the argument they want. It will piss them off, they'll yell all manner of insults and allegations to try bait you into an argument of any type. The desire to defend ourselves is strong but not responding is the only option and of course putting as much distance between you and them.

Thank you for exposing this evil.

Logic needs to be taught as a defense against deceit and manipulation.

Very informative & educational. It clarifies & confirms the fact that i grew up surrounded by narcissists. It's amazing that i still have a few shreds of sanity left.

"They" never actually win. My covert narc sister thought she stoled my mother from me. (You can't lose what you've never had.) I then went NC for the past 8 years. Sis has been at mommies beckon call 24/7. Who won? 😊🎉😂

I was 45 years ruled by a level 10 narcissist (step father). And he used literally all of the points you presented. This affected even people who didn’t know him. It was like a devils circle around him Tim, thx a lot for your work. Best regards from Germany 🙋‍♂️

I found great strength in the "grey stone" response to narcissistic behavior. It took me forever to recognize my situation, though. Good luck, friends ❤

The past three years I've been in a tailspin. Coming out of it (I hope) feels like coming off a roundabout - the world isn't spinning but you feel dizzy and disoriented and confused. They blame you for their narcissistic behaviours

Wow. I'm highly encouraged that there are still thinking professionals out there. Well done you. Free thinkers are so rare amongst the professions nowadays. People are terrified to appear to lack "political correctness". How do we reverse this? Because it feels like it's getting worse and it's incredibly lonely.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS YOU ARE ABSOULTLEY RIGHT I WENT THROUGH HORRIFIC EMOTIONAL ABUSE BY A MALIGNANT NARCS FOR YRS I WOULD ALWAYS FIND MYSELF APOLOGIZING TO HIM FOR HIS ABUSE.THIS ALMOST CAUSED MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN NARCS ABUSE IS BRUTAL

I find Tim's work exceptionally insightful and well presented.

OMG I love you! This is our politics today! This!

17:45 Gray rock is more like you look into their eyes and you don't say anything 😶. Just stare at them, knowing that engaging with them is futile, and they'll bug off.

Brilliant(!) And absolutely spot on. Not a wasted word., and wish I knew this 4 years ago to know this invaluable information. “Never too late” as is said… But as an empathic person , I still find it difficult to find sympathy..

A lot of information to take in, Tim. While any scenario can be explained away as an argument style, the conflict or strife remains because of common underlying traits - a need to assuage personal insecurity and be right at any cost or, Ignorance of the possibility of differentials or -apathy or avoidance due to fear in the face of adversity and potential failure.

I am finding this very helpful. Thank you, Mr. Fletcher.

My husband's parents were divorced from the time he was 2. Mom is a covert narcissist. It would be his Dad's weekend, but Mom would say, "If you dont choose to go to church with me on Sunday (even though it's Dad's weekend), you're grounded." He's 34, and we are just now going through the healing process of conplex trauma, enmeshment, because we've just realized within the past 4 months she is a covert narcissist. I unfortunately am having to heal from being traumatized by her for 16 years. He's had a lifetime of trauma that he didnt even realize was trauma that he's healing from. It's very hard, especially when you have such intense pushback with boundaries, etc. from her.

My 2 sisters are npd; I have totally no contact with one and very minimal with other, you simply can't be around them, they are evil, very evil, their goal is to turn you into a robot or destroy you, yes destroy you, very bad people, my mother was too!❤❤❤don't argue with them, get away very far!

As an American, the Americans do have lots of problems. Your logic is not wrong.

I can't even move my body!.My eyes are crossed How am i supposed to find a safe place to heal? It's so difficult, so little time.

incredible explanation. Congratulations

Thank you for this helpful talk.

Wow !!! Tim you sure have taught me so much. My parents never taught me any of these things.

Thank you

We live in a culture that says if it feels good it must be right. Proverbs 14:12 warns us that “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end, it leads to destruction”. God has our best interests at heart according to His word.

I genuinely believe in doing the right thing and I do my best to know what that is at the moment. I don't argue, I state facts. #✌️❤️✨️

thank you

I would call this lesson: How to deal with a perverse mind and win the battle! 😅

Narc pop often said, "Now dammit quit confusing me with facts. I know what I think."

Powerful

love him

If a youth is being gaslighted in their developmental years, can that person learn from the parent gaslighting as a coping tool?

39:19 After I put myself into alcohol treatment at the ripe old age of 26, the focus in our family was how they all were not what I was, which was decreed to be defective. I lost my job because my sister refused to get involved when the counselor deployed emotional blackmail to try to force her attendance at the weekend family group meeting. She also refused to get my paperwork so I could save the job put into jeopardy thru that counselor's abuse. My father told me I should just settle, because I was getting old. There was more implied. Imo those rehab units are traumatizing and dangerous, when they force families to attend. I was a grownup with employment and insurance when I walked into those doors a lamb to slaughter. I had no idea it was jail, until I couldn't save my job by getting the paperwork they needed, and no one would help. This is when I mark the end of my life.

It’s not that I don’t understand the unscrupulous tactics… you call faulty logic… especially after dealing with narcs most of my life. It’s that others.. the people I need help from… don’t believe me or what I’m trying to describe has occurred. I call it willful blindness. Only the LORD can straighten it out!!

It would be nice if when you say there are 30 points that you would say point one......point 17...… Point 28 .... And last point # 30 is. .... Thanks!

On the 4th year of repeating multiple ways they don't reciprocate at all, and them just gaslighting me saying "i don't like your tone, or I hope you find peace, or this is just the way I am...I'm done. No point was ever addressed, and he's mad because I'm not being heard and just leaves cause I yelled at this point... sheesh...I'm not a tit for tat person, but I had nothing to work with.

My husband would attack me because I said "you" in a sentence. Only a moron would say "you ". Could never get beyond that.

Tim, How do I contact you? I have some questions for you regarding a new treatment option. Thank you in advance. 36:37

Oh my mom pulled that stuff on me. A few times when I was responding to something, and she just screamed, I'm sorry, I wasn't the perfect mother and hung up the phone, and I'm sitting there thinking you weren't I mean we can't just pretend that you were a perfect motherwhy you sit there and bash other people and judge other people like you're sitting up. There on your freaking. Whatever it is Eiffel Tower, whatever that's the thing that makes you mad. And then all the lying and omitting of facts already in evidence. One thing I noticed is 1 thing I learned and I never learned it from anybody but hunter Biden and his partner. And that's plausible, deniability, because these people think of in the situation ahead of time, most people don't do that, most people don't do that. Most people don't do that most people don't do that. Most people just heading to a situation assess it make a decision take care of it. Resolved and move on, not these already thought of what you're gonna say. How you're gonna say it. How they're going to avoid it? How they're gonna change it? How they're gonna manipulate it so that it can all end up around the word. Plausible deniability and that's what makes you feel like you're gonna go crazy

If you are a True Christian the Bible is enough research - I mean for going astray from the laws of God,- I’m not talking about nuances or biological or physical scientific facts, and I mean facts.any human can manipulate the research so perhaps we shouldn’t offer explanations that have no real tested and proven, concrete evidence- that’s confusing to anyone who needs truth .

Hmmm. I love your stuff. Logically, understand how the Tu Quoque fallacy is a fallacy... From a common sense perspective, can you help me understand how it's not somewhat helpful? It seems like common sense to take diet / lifestyle advice from a fit person, instead of someone who struggles with being overweight. That doesn't mean that the advice from the overweight person is false, but it makes sense that it's less trustworthy. It makes more sense to trust someone who has experienced the outcome of the advice they are giving. Am I missing something?

This is what oir medoa has been doing for some.uears now

34:38 I disagree. The daughter is not responsible for the death of her cat. It was killed by the actions of the father. Yes admittedly, they could have taken the cat with them. But her hands caused no harm or loss. If one human orders another to shoot someone in the head; Who is accountable for the deliberate loss of life? Yes, it would be through coercion (which in accordance to Common Law, is unlawful) However; The one (who's action) pulling the trigger is ultimately responsible. It is free will. That is the rule according to Natural LAW. Natural LAW is harsh for a reason. The boundaries are clear and precise. It cares not of the 'hows and whys'. It is about taking responsibility for ones actions to evolve in consciousness. Humans are expected to know the difference between right and wrong. We are all born with a conscience ❤ Sadly now, many work from their traumatized and programmed sub-consious. I enjoyed listening to this. Thank you very much 🙏

I find it difficult to understand how someone with this knowledge can still subscribe to a particular religion. You basically disproved all religions in this video... this is quite frustrating I must say XD Do you believe that Christianism is true based on science and facts? Do you think all other religions are false? Maybe you have a video somewhere that explains your reasoning here?

Are you a licensed professional? Or is this all just unprofessional informative information?

Thank you