So absolutely true....

I'm sure it's more common than we might like to think

I lived it

You must be very sheltered. Most people who have alcoholic, drug addicted, or mentally ill parents grew up in such a home.

it's super unfortunate that a lot of people live this as a reality :( having loving parents shouldn't be a privilege but it somehow is becoming one

He did analyze her behavior.

She's not a victim. She was selfish and continued a relationship with a murderer even when her children were at risk... she didn't leave until she knew the marriage was definitely done. Please stop making active participants into victims... their are people out here who are real victims... who really can't get away and did not choose this... she did.

@@Czipporah she was a real victim, she was fucking 16 when he got with her, he groomed her. she was a child.

exactly!

Domestic Abuse is a dreadful and fearful thing.

That’s just another way of saying she only cared about herself. The cowards way is always the easy way.

Im sorry but this isn’t a good enough excuse when children are involved

She knew he was a murderer before she even married him and yet she still married him and had kids with him and therefore subjecting her kids to that danger and disfunction. I really feel for her kids. They had two really messed up parents.

It’s part of the control. He let her know that he has killed people as a message to her. He will kill her, too. He groomed her all those years.

that's the question Bernadette must have thought, but might have been afraid to verbalize

Stockholm syndrome. Him controlling her was all she knew how to do. She was a submissive.

They were poly

So she just feared him, no fear of STDs nor HIV 🤦🏼‍♀️No fear for the innocent child Some ppl shouldn't produce Ppl like her bring kids to the world selfishly so they can feel loved and live in the kids' world like a child

Yeah . . . she was totally innocent - they always are, after they provoke their partner to extreme rage.

Poor woman? No she chose him! The kids did not! Poor kids!

Nothing poor about her,she chose that life, let's not feel sorry for people who decide to make stupid decisions,I only feel sorry for those children

Well said!

This makes the most sense to me.what a nightmare

Agreed. She definitely is a codependent.

I' was looking for a comment including the words LOVE BOMBING...this is exactly what he did. And how Easy this must have been w/a person who had never been in a previous relationship 13:32

Agreed, she's disgusting for knowingly bearing his children just to be abused. If the daughter hadn't snitched Bernadette would've just kept helping him cover up more crimes and abuse.

She NEEDS to be jailed.​@@gossamer9966

How unfortunate she did not have brave neighbours like you to drill common sense into her. But here we are... reading your comment

She certainly had some effed up rationale. Doesn't it kind of mess with your head when you hear these stories?? It's like these people have never been taught right and wrong; they live in a dream world that's all about them. Like, my husband brutally murdered 2 people, mentally abuses me and physically abuses my children BUT HE NEEDS ME so I don't tell anybody. This IS what was happening and it honestly throws off my equilibrium it's so mental. And that person is very correct, Bernadette should have done time right along with her loser husband for not reporting it!

This just shows families need to pick a woman’s husband. Women cannot make mate judgements themselves. She was entirely incompetent.

@@truthsocialmedia And families can’t always do any better picking husbands. The girl was only 16 years old when she met this 18-year-old man

@@lindabrennan4455 Co-dependency is a weird and dangerous thing.

Yup, I don't buy all this "but you don't know what it's like" crap, no that's right, I've not let myself and children be abused. Where kids are concerned they should be prioritised and protected

No she’s dumb

People who haven't suffered a long-term abusive relationship won't understand how it changes the way one thinks and acts. It's good that most won't understand that but bad that they'll judge DV victims for their seemingly irrational behaviors.

that seems obvious without even knowing that

He was a narcissist. This woman was dangerously naive and silly and put everyone at risk with her bad choices.

Also pretty sure she was Catholic w a name like hers lol, that says a lot .

She was groomed by an illegal immigrant.

But why would she think that? He's a killer and abuser, but he can be good. It's complete irrationality, and it makes her complicit. What would make her think like this???

@@truthsocialmedia Teenage girls often are irrational with their first loves.

I can’t believe this for one second. She would have had so many opportunities even anonymously. The cops could have lied and said we found your dna on her blah blah blah. There were options. She willingly got away yet went back to him. I just can’t have sympathy for that decision. Esp since she willingly had kids with him. Kids he ended up abusing. Disgusting all around. Also I’ll take my chances with a murderer finding me, vs sleeping next to one every single night with my kids in the house too. Blah.

​@@HeatherHoltShe kept choosing him because she wanted a man 🤷🏻‍♀️

She was purposefully short sided and reckless with her decision and therefore was partially responsible for the second murder and abuse of her children.

I totally believe that her fear kept her silent.

@HeatherHolt - yeah, I'm sick of all these women being given the victim card to exonerate them. They are accessories to crime in my opinion. Staying with a violent guy who might or does hurt your children means you are a part of abusing your kids.

Agreed but in any case covering murders and turning a blind eye on the misstreatment of children (especially the children under your protection) is a big no no and she deserved to be criticized for that.

Completely understand. I used to work in a women's refuge and the women would tell me the bruises heal, it's the emotional and mental abuse that lasts. I'm sorry you had to go through that and hope you are truly free of him now.

I just posted the same. Unless someone has experienced domestic abuse or worked with survivors, they really don't understand just how complex the dynamics are.

You cannot excuse her sin by citing her experience. What experience excuses Brian’s murders and abusive behavior? Somewhere we all have to do what we have to do

a man that covered for his wives murders for years would more than likely be held accountable for that. I agree about everything you say but you should also acknowledge that men and women are held to different standards by society and the criminal justice system. women are strong independent and morally superior until they are not and even then it is a mans fault. people that cover for other peoples murders should be held accountable....full stop.

Some people are mesmerized by selfish criminals. I don't get what is fascinating.

She didn't care that he bumped off a sex worker. I mean, I don't mean to blame Bernadette the victim, but I see right there, that she was ok with her man killing a sex worker. I can almost hear her say, Well she's only a sex worker. Maybe she's not so sweet either. Note, the only reason she even went along with the cops was because her daughter took matters into her own hands, and got someone else to do it.

It’s disturbing that she would choose someone like that in the first place, but we see it all around us. These terrible people are having children and choosing superficial charm over decency left and right.

I agree, yet I don't know if this guy had any charm even at the superficial level. I think she was just desperate and gullible and he met her minimal requirements.@@HexagonFL

Most women are unintelligent egotists.

Wow She was a victim. You sound so ignorant and judgemental. The stats of DV transcend all walks of life. Many women stay silent because the reality is that the resources that are touted for help are not usually readily available or even accessible. In order to ask for help you have to talk about what's going on within the house and that puts you at risk of losing your children just for trying to get help and access to resources to get free of the situation. Ignorance always shows. I hope that you never find yourself or any of the women you love in life in a situation where all of their autonomy and identity has been sucked dry through an abusive spouse

Yes it's amazing. 🙄

What the hell are you talking about? You're not a survivor. You're some dummy who allowed someone to abuse you. You probably ignored the glaring gigantic red flags. Every single person you knew also saw them, told you about them and you ignored them too. Of course, the other option is you are just making it up.

Then why didn’t she care until he started banging other women whom she thought were competition? This is the reason victims cannot serve on juries in which the case is somewhat related. They cannot be unbiased. Period.

She chose him based on charm, not genuine kindness or loyalty.

Because she was 16!

@@HexagonFLshe was 16 she chose nothing fool

I wouldn't feel safe living with a single murderer

@@Cats-a-Tonic I think, that she was finally ready to dump him, and putting him away for good was maybe the only way out. And it worked out that way, if he ever somehow got out, she has had it. No doubt.

That's a judgmental way to look at an abuse victim's hesitate to expose herself and her children to potentially deadly retaliation.

​@@kingayy9267💯. Sometimes what a person suspects in others says a LOT about who THEY really are as a person

Yesssss

She is a victim, whether you find her likable or not

I wondered that also.

Exactly! Plus, he was originally an illegal immigrant here in the US when he ASSAULTED her brothers.. ran away to Canada, somehow came back and got caught & some judge only gave him probation. He should have been detained and deported. Other Americans were m*rdered by this pos who wasn't even supposed to be in this country.

I would guess that Bernadette sponsored him after the marriage which enabled him to obtain permanent residency in the USA. Therefore he could travel to and from Canada.

He used his dead brother's identity.

44 years ago.

That sounds interesting!

Second that. He was a legendary wild man.

@@AnaLucia-wy2ii Bon put Freddie Mercury to shame, which is saying a lot! I think the only ones who might've been worse were the guys in Led Zeppelin.

@@AnaLucia-wy2ii I don't know much about Sid, but for Bon I suspect Bipolar I and possibly Borderline Personality Disorder. He used to ride around naked on his bike at parties and even had sex with girls right in front of others, or did several of them in all-night orgies that he bragged about! I've read about these things in more than one book.

Well put & I haven't even listened to the full story yet.

Spot on.

Yes, being coerced and ultimately through fear, forced, to sleep with the enemy/ a murderer… is terrifying! Freeze state until coast is clear to fly! Fawn, fight, FREEZE, flight… those are the options in a hostage situation. We do all the above.. in that very order… to ensure we all make it out ALIVE

Many people sleep with loaded firearms. I do. There's no point in having a firearm that's not immediately accessible. Since he was illegally here, it should have been an easy matter to involve Immigration, especially since he was a criminal.

Thank you for the interesting case history an🎉d the droll humor! Bravo, Dr. Grande.

Looks like she finally snapped out of it after he physically abused their daughter.

@@KingfishStevens-di9ji Thats what I think- I do not at all agree with her actions . But it does seem like she snapped after he went after their daughter

*codependency

Coercive control exactly. I'm just getting myself out of a long-term relationship where this dynamic has been in play and because of it I haven't been true to myself and haven't been happy. It's very insidious. It's hard to realize you're a victim because at other times he's so loving and attentive. I have not been a victim of physical abuse but one thing my ex and Brian have in common is that they will apologize after being abusive and beg for forgiveness. (According to the textbooks narcissists never admit to wrongdoing.) Someone who admits their faults can change, right? That's what we believe. But I'm done believing it. I can understand how Brian manipulated her emotions and intimidated her into always taking him back, until she was in too deep and stayed with him only out of fear. She's lucky she survived.

@@adriel7229 Yes. She and her children are lucky. Thank you for sharing your painful ordeal and for your keen insights. You are very strong and I wish you the best as you continue to heal.

Don't think she's sane and she should not have custody of her kids.

@@darthlaurel Trust that I don't & agree with you 100%.

She let a killer strike again. She should have been charged with a crime.

He really does fill up the bastard bingo card in a hurry. It's hard for me to be too harsh on Bernadette considering her age when he told her all the right, beautiful things. Then he goes on to show more and more that none of it was real. I'd have a lot of trouble accepting that too, at some point she at least viewed him as a kind person who cared about her. Turns out he is an wife abuser, a pet killer, a plain old murderer, a cheater, and so much more. I realize it didn't all happen overnight, but I'd feel so stupid and just as betrayed. Rejecting reality would probably be appealing if it meant hanging on to what I thought I had in the beginning.

Right!! What a weird situation. Unbelievable she would willingly bring children into the world with him as a father. Unfathomable. Disgusting.

​@@HeatherHoltTrue! Their daughter is definitely the hero of it all. Running to a neighbour to get help for herself. Poor kids.

Codependency is hell of a drug. It should be explained at school with mandatory dating/romance course and s3x-ed.

​@@michelleMc2024I bet she knew her mom wouldn't do anything so she had to do it herself ☹️

@@hshsgdggge I think so too. If these Monday workout sessions were regular I've no doubt it wasn't the first time she took a beating

You should watch the interviews with this woman -she’s cold selfish and there’s something chest is wrong with her. It’s like she doesn’t care about anything but what she wants to believe. She doesn’t come across as an abused woman who made poor decisions. She comes across as a narcissist.

What you said here is gold and beautifully sums up the abyss of torment and confusion that lives in the mind of such survivors of childhood coercion and abuse!......The complete or partial absense of a fully formed self.

Bravo. An excellent analysis.

Are you saying therefore that such individuals are devoid of moral agency and any wrongs committed are not their responsibility? Because that’s a slippery slope.

@@eveapple4928 Neural development in the epigenetic process of learned nature-nurture behavior is intergenerational. For instance, a future mother's dietary intake of folic acid or not, can have positive or negative affects on a child's neural tube development during his or her critical growth periods from womb to tomb. So, there is wide variability on how the brains of children are wired due to exposure to concentrations of internal and/or external chemicals in their environments. Exposure to high levels of cortisol during pregnancy due to prevalence of domestic violence in the forms of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse overall is at 5.7%. Fortunately, "despite increases in cortisol in maternal serum during pregnancy, only 10-20% of maternal cortisol crosses the placenta to reach fetal circulation in humans between 13 and 35 weeks' gestation" (Benediktsson, Calder, Edwards, & Seckl, 1997; Gitau, Cameron, Fisk, & Glover, 1998; Sandman et al., 2003). By means of the pregnant mother's self-medication, fetal alcohol syndrome disorders (ASDs) are a group of health conditions in persons exposed to alcohol as a result of their mother drinking. Exposure of a pregnant mother to the element lead (Pb) bioaccumulated within the fatty tissues of her mammary glands can also have most devastating effects on her fetus' neurological development and after she gives birth, on her newborn breastfeeding infant's brain. Baby's are born with smooth brains. Surface area of the cerebral cortex is increased via wrinkling. Every thought a child has creates a wrinkle. Repetition of the same thought deepens the wrinkle for more efficient recall along neural pathways. As a baby's vision clears, he or she imprints the faces of his parents on his or her brain as he or she also associates the voices he or she has heard in the womb and recognizes through bonding with whom he or she sees. Cognitive, emotional a.k.a. affective, and compassionate empathetic pathways are built through interactive relationships with God and others (Genesis 1-4; Exodus 20; Matthew 5-7 & 22-23). From a Judeo-Christian wordview, morality is a God-given directional strategy (i.e., values>mission>vision) to live a meaningful life. Core values of what is good or bad/evil, belief systems of what is true or false, attitudes of what is right or wrong, and behaviors of what is acceptable or unacceptable conduct are taught by parents and learned by children as binary options. To have integrity, an expressed directional strategy must be aligned in positive or negative ways. Yet, if it is aligned negatively, a U-turn of repentance can be made back to the Father's face to ask for and to receive forgiveness (Luke 15). If influenced via peer pressure and cognitive dissonance to have a lack of integrity, there is no visible difference between a so-called believer and the rest of the world.

Excellent

There’s no “easy escape”, especially when they hold your kids hostage and claim they’ll have multiple witnesses see you committed and the “killer” gets custody of the children

A layman telling professionals what they "need to understand" is bold, if nothing else.

very true

@@eadweard. 🤣 a LAYMAN??!?? I can’t stop laughing. Try EXPERT, honeypie! & Don’t judge unless you LIVE IT.

@@comingoutspinster-rebellik1479 What makes you an expert in such things?

Excellent idea! That one really disturbed me.

He already did 3 years ago

Op : you know you can do a search before a request.

@@flickiow24 How do I find it?

@@flickiow24 Yep ~ wrong way on the Tatonic She was a major alcoholic and family absolutely refuse to believe it

Like Dr. Grande said, he's a Psychopathic Narcissist.

psychopathy most likely anti social personality disorder

Not everyone is a snitch like you

​@@SamS-uv2qlred flag, hello FBI?

@@SamS-uv2ql As she should have - what if someone harmed you or your loved ones ?

😮

Very common with men raised south of the border.

Even more common with men like you.@@KingfishStevens-di9ji

She was more concerned southing her big baby murdering husband. In this kind of familly everything revolves in real time around the mood of this kind of guy. If he is happy everyone should smile.