literally love when people think vaccines are the only way to get autism, some Karen literally thought I was vaccinated because she overheard me saying I was autistic. after explaining how genes work she started screaming and acted like I was assaulting her

fun fact: fish CAN drown. They breath oxygen just like us, but in the water, so if theres no excess oxygen in the water, they would drown. Edit: To all who keep saying hydrogen, I meant excess oxygen in h2o, there is still oxygen in water, but there can be a lack of excess.

(9:39) for those who don't understand, look where the graph is and look at the number of subscribers. The top says 0, 100, 200, 500, 1,000, 2,000, and 3,000. The subscriber count is in the millions.

I like how at 54:54, Jack attempts and pronounces every word in the sentence but forgot to cut that take before re-recording and saying “I’m not even gonna attempt to say that”

One time, my aunt told my sister that she doesn't believe in medicine. That's not even the worst part. Her husband has cancer, so medicine is what's keeping him alive. That's still not even the worst part. My sister is a nursing major. My aunt told her niece who's learning how to work in a medical field that she doesn't believe in the thing that's keeping her husband alive.

"I've been a lost cause since age 8, I don't give a crap." Genuinely inspiring life quote.

19:46 according to google: Goofy is an American cartoon character created by the Walt Disney Company. He is a tall, anthropomorphic dog who typically wears a turtle neck and vest, with pants, shoes, white gloves, and a tall hat originally designed as a rumpled fedora.

56:42 For those wondering, yes, cats **can** have mints as long as they dont experience diarrhea or vomiting. However, the leaves of the plant are toxic - including ones made for cooking and garnish. Giving your cat a candy cane or mint life saver is fine. Keep it away from the plant leaves.

28:14 For those who don't know, he was holding a blue ringed octopus, one of the most deadly sea creatures

the surgery story was because that surgery was done before anesthesia was invented, so the quality of a surgery was determined not by how well it was performed, rather how fast it was done. As a quick surgery would mean less pain for the patient. Doctors would often throw care completely out the window in order to speedrun a surgery so the patient didn't have to lay there in agony sliced open on the operating table.

29:02 My french teacher once gave me a black and white exam paper and one of the questions was “What colour is this flower?” and she scolded us because we didn’t know that it was yellow

17:00 i like how both articles say “if he dies” as of he’s some immortal being.

It took me 19 minutes to realize this isn't just a normal r/facepalm video, this is top of all time

"Dinosaurs weren't killed by an asteroid, they died of overhunting by humans." -My Stepmother

(53:40) Jack: "I gaurentee both of them are under 17" Literally their pfp being their wedding photo

“A sinkhole roughly the size of six to seven washing machines-“

These are pretty funny, people should make a dedicated thread on a website or app for people to post this kind of stuff

I was asked by my friend with a straight face "Is Africa a state?" In advanced social studies, I've never let her forget it to this day

2:18 I like to think this is an attempt to ruin a shop’s reputation with the logic of, “We put the S in comfort!” “There’s… no S in comfort.” *Exactly*

31:36 so In third grade there was this kid in my class and he kept arguing that all chicken eggs were already fertilized, but somehow they would just remove the embryo without breaking the egg I tried to explain it to him 100 times but he just not listen. I wonder what he is doing today 😂

I learn something new about EmKay every day. Two days ago I learned that Lexi is an IT engineer (because I kinda don't watch their videos in order), yesterday I learned that Robin took Japanese classes in high school, and today I learned that Damien used to work in the resteraunt buisness.

At work some old woman in the baking aisle asked me to help her find the flour. So I pointed to the bag of flour in front of her face. She says "No! That's the WHEAT flour, I need regular flour!" When I asked her what grain "regular" flour is made out of, she went silent. Edit: Also, honorary mention to the old man who had to clarify whether rock sugar was sweet or not.

My youngest brother was talking to me about biology (or something about animals), and he said “birds are birds, not animals.” Let me tell you that would make me so angry for no good reason, I spent an hour arguing with him (I had some good points) but the only defense, or even reason he could come up with is repeating “birds are birds.” I don’t know why I even bothered at that point. It still annoys me to this day.

Once a few years age I was at school in math class we were talking about fractions and one of my friends said “you can’t divide 1/9 in half” I said “ yes you can its 1/18” she started arguing with me that you can’t divide 1/9 in half, I wonder if she learned anything from that argument

Damien sometimes radiates the same asshole energy as TF2's scout P.S. jack, as an australian i can easily say that we speak differently enough for it to be its own language

You know what I just had one of these moments earlier in the week with my sister. Our house has three floors (ground, second, and a basement) and the second floor tends to get really hot. Her room is on the second floor. It’s been unusually hot in her room compared to even the rest of the second floor for a while. She complained about it to our mother who then asked her to check if her (floor) vent is open. My sister said “I can’t check it because I have a bunch of stuff piled on top of it.” After watching my mother die inside for what felt like an eternity, I yelled in frustration “then get the shit off your vent!!” She did, found that her vent was also shut, opened it, and was absolutely amazed the next day by how well it cooled her room. She even said “maybe that was the problem!” as if she had a eureka moment.

6:00 because we all know that being a doctor online makes you so very smart and _special..._

31:27 taco: obviously a soft taco Damien: was it a hard taco or a soft taco

I once informed my dad that I (believe) he has ADHD. His response? "I got it from you!" ...this is the same man who once needed my help removing some squirrel poop from my mom's vehicle upholstery before she noticed.

31:30 well, as a german, someone told me that they were sorry for me having such an asshole president. They thought the mustache guy was still alive...

9:33 the face palm is the numbers on the top

Back in first grade, I was talking with a couple of friends of mine and I told them about how I never ended up getting my 7th birthday party, and they told me that "I was still six." All because I didn't have a PARTY.

For people wondering how 36:17 happened. this happened on a road in Canada, where the driver of the truck swerved off into a utility pole, which caused a sudden stop of the truck, which lifted the back end of the truck up into the air. The trailer then landed on the roof of the house. Luckily, the home owners were in their garage which was located at the back of the house. and I think the truck driver was also ok. Here's a link to the video: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/gMloa62grd6Rm40.html

i love how Damien cracks himself up. Makes these videos a thousand times better :)

8:46 He caught the spider :D

4:48 Jokes aside, can we all collectively acknowledge the fact that the meme isnt just a facepalm, but also technically the truth? Cause the cosplayer was _literally_ dressed as a NCR Ranger from Fallout New Vegas

Dumbest thing I've ever heard was a guy in high school who said, "Man, how did people get the news before TV was invented?" This was the 90s, when newspapers were still incredibly common, and this guy was 16 or 17.

I go to an English and French immersion school in Canada. One of my classmates asked me “do all of you french student come from France?” And I had to tell him with a straight face that no almost all of us are born in Canada

14:12 Me: Okay, child murderer. Karen: I'm not murdering them, I'm helping them. Me: Yeah, helping them see God.

Im so used to hearing Lubalin sing the “attorney general” thing that I resorted to singing it myself 😂

39:44 I don' think damien realised it but, they're just holding it upside down.

31:45 the dumb thing I listened to was in this video at 9:45. The problem with the KZfaqr bar graph was the number labels. It showed Pewdiepie with 98,452,724, but he is behind the 2,000 space, and Damien didn't even notice it. Edit: Just listened to the rest of what you were saying at 31:45 I'm so sorry :'(

31:52 One of my old friends said that when the stop hand thing on the walk sign at stop lights flash, it means you have to stop and go repeatedly.

"That's the largest piece of wood I've ever seen in my life." Trees: "Am I a joke to you?"

I love how Damien is always happy as a clown here, and then robin is just over here losing his shit.

31:36 One time someone I know IRL was complaining about all the apps that phone makers and service providers cram into phones that take up massive amounts of space and can't actually be uninstalled. As a part of the conversation, I agreed, "Ugh, yeah, I *hate* bloatware-" and he IMMEDIATELY cut me off with "What? No, I'm not talking about whatever bloatware is, I'm talking about system apps you never want or need that take up way too much space and can't get deleted!" Less than 60 seconds later, still on the topic of this particular type of app, he went, "it's like, oh, what's the word...? Ah, right! Bloatware!" Absolutely nobody called him on it, and they looked at me like I was the weird one when I just glared at him.

12:10 isnt the real one dead

When I was in school, (elementary/primary and in 4th grade) a kid came up to me, who looked around 8, and said, “listen! I can count numbers! One, two, uh, four, six, I never mind.” And walked away. It was great.

"you cant just grab a fresh cup of oj and go yum right into the femoral artery". HELP i CANT STOP LAUGHING, the way he said it was perfect.

10:45 imagine telling a police officer you got high. oopsies

"I've been a lost cause since i was 8" you didnt have to do that to yourself

Fun fact: looking through binoculars backwards is a technique used for tracking animals in some places.

9:52 Not only are the intervals at the top scaled very very wrong but the distance between 22 mil and 24 mil is the same from 24 mil to 98 mil. Which is most def not how that works.

“So Damien once did…”

something stupid is that I had the boy in my 4th grade, and it was lunch time, and he was staring at my chest...I looked at him and said, "why the *beep* are you staring at me??" he dead eye, looked me in the eyes, stuck his tounge out and then said, "you don't have a bra..." and wiggles his tounge. I cried so hard when I got home.

That exact checkers thing happened to me and my sister when we were kids. They had one at our pediatricians office. My older sister insisted this was how it was set up, she would NOT believe me (pre-smart phones to google it and show her), so I eventually gave up was like, "yeah, let's play like this and see what happens." After a little while of not playing checkers, she realized she was doing it wrong.

What I find really funny is neither EmKay nor the person holding the "home" sign realized that they were holding it upside down and backwards...all they had to do flip it over and around and it would have been correct. xDDD The H, O, and E in that type font have horizontal symmetry.

So when I was in primary school, I would ask some of the kids in my class “what’s 1,000 times 1,000” and most of the kids said 1,000 or 2,000 😂😂😂

I was about to have a fucking heart attack wondering if Goofy was actually supposed to be a cow and he is, in fact, an anthropomorphic dog. I can now rest easily.

17:25 Actually, fun fact, they can. If the water a fish is swimming in becomes devoid of oxygen, a fish can drown in water.

My mother when talking about my birthday "I know that you will be sad, but i will be happy!"

1:02:20 what? Do they realize that this may harm health and the normal functions of the bladder and kidneys.

"I want your car to blow up" that's the best thing I've heard today

i love how every single clip of damian ends in uncontrollable laughter. the best part is most of the t8me hes laughing about his own jokes and comments.

2:42 as someone diagnosed with ADD I cannot tell you how much this made me laugh, mainly because people with ADD can still be intelligent

22:30 It’s giving “Congratulations, you won!” (Iykyk)

I was expecting this to be a 10-minute video never looking at the time index. At 26 minutes is when I knew something was wrong.

39:47 cant tell if Damien was laughing at how OP took the picture with the sign upside down or if he thought the M was attached upside down.

All I could think of when I saw that first one was Lubalin's "Turning internet drama into songs"

“The earth is a pyramid” -my actual f()cking classmates

0:37 “..and also those games which are in the age limit of your child” Never knew Mario could cause irl violence /sarcasm

28:16 for anyone wondering, its called the blue ring octopus and its the deadliest octopus that lives today. it can kill you in a matter of minutes

Still one of the funniest Emkay vids. 👍

The fact that people think that video games cause violence is quite sad. Like, what video games did Hitler, Stalin, Putin, vlad the impaler, or satan himself play?

3:36 when he said “hey honey, pop out a couple more” I imagined someone shooting babies out rapid fire like a machine gun

1:02:05 fun fact, it can actually damage your bladder in a way if you hold your urine in too long

Did some research on the lifeguard situation. Apparently, his co-workers also quit. Why was he fired? Well, there were certain areas those lifeguards had to watch. This wouldn't be an issue.. if they didn't have to stay in their own lane to save someone. So what does this have to do with him being fired? Oh, simple. He saw a person drowning, but the lifeguard watching that area wasn't there, so he broke the rules just to save someone's life. He was fired the next day. Luckily, as mentioned earlier, his co-workers quit as well. I mean, seriously, if you're gonna have lifeguards at the beach (yea, I forgot to mention it took place there), the least you could do is let them bend the rules if another lifeguard isnt there to save them in time.

7:10 the funny part abt this is that my mom cant solve this but i can lmao

Person: "Are fire extinguishers flammable?" Me: "Dude...what?" Person: "like the thing inside, the foam, is it flammable?"

51:13 I can not stop laughing at how aggressive he gets only to announce Garfield has joined Reddit

the national interest gotta cover their bases, now no matter what happens they can say they were right lmao

"sweet mary mother of joseph" i died

"what is that gonna solve?" "I want your car to blow up" Funniest sudden change ever. I love damien, best narrator ever

13:15 He really said "forget about taxes" and not "its 4 dollars, not four million"

Just trying to listen to this late at night, and all i hear is "S S SSS SSS SSS SSS S SS S S S S"😭😭

Autism is not vaccinating, Vaccinating is not autism.

For the record, Guinness never gave anyone the world record for "darkest skin tone."

OCD isn't too bad. Now if you excuse me I'll go back to deep cleaning my cereal bowl and wondering if my door is locked.

Damien said in an Emkay video once that he would cry if we put something that he said in the comments. That was his first mistake.

"Is broccoli a state?" - classmate while in high school. "But isn't your mom always wet?" friend and I talking to each other after swimming "But cancer doesn't do anything but give people random free handouts" - a different classmate in high school- a teacher had passed due to cancer mind you.

Here's an example of something stupid someone said: Damien: (while looking at what is OBVIOUSLY a soft taco) was it a soft or hard taco

Damien´s laugh is so good. I have a friend who laughs in a similar manner, mostly over his own knowingly bad jokes or stupid random stuff and it´s heaven.

The “HOWE” at 39:43 one is funny because if they just turn the wrist (and word) around and then flip the word upside down again it would just say “HOME” like it should. So the person who made the picture it is either perfectly oblivious or maybe they’re making a joke and it’s like ironic and clever and funny, idk but either way I like that one and it didn’t seem like Damien noticed it was just being held in a way that makes it look dumb.

(This is my brother's story) In April this year, we went on a school trip to Washington D.C. for 2 days, we were sent to the WW2 memorial and told to find a territory that wasn't part of the U.S. anymore. My brother and his friend were walking around and looking at different names of states/territory's. His friend points at a name and says,"Maybe that one..?". It said "District of Columbia" on it. She didn't even realize until he said her name and then she went,"OH- WAIT...".

9:31 this is the problem; While Jack’s numbers are ~2,000,000 short of Mark’s, it shows a distance. That distance, however, is the exact same distance as between Mark’s and Pewdiepie’s, while Marks is ~54,000,000 as apposed to ~Jack’s 2,000,000 short of Mark. The other problem shown on this image is that the line Jack is barely crossing is the 1,000 line.

39:43 Not only did the person who took the photo not realise but somehow even Emkay didn't. The sign is fine, flip it over stupid. Emkay, come on now, how did you miss that? That's a face palm for EmKay

The clip with the truck on the house was probably caused by the cargo area being empty and the truck being driven at high speed. Miss a corn, hit a curb and the underweight backend goes airborne

"That's a small boulder the size of a big boulder." *-Damien from EmKay*

My best friend and I went out for dinner.I ordered buffalo wings.I noticed a chill in the area and her glaring at me. When I asked her what was wrong she in all honesty informed me that she thought I was cruel for eating the wings off buffalos! Through my fit of laughter I asked her how many buffalos she's seen flying to which she replied-well they can't cos people are eating their wings! 😂😂😂

I had a moron for a neighbor who would come up with gems like "he wanted to have his cake and ice cream too", she called stucco "stuckle". But the stupidest thing she said to me was this gem: "I was 21 before I realized that we live on top of the earth instead of inside it" Supposedly, she actually went to college. I actually sold my house and moved to get away from her.