The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.

Funny how they never seem to forget anything wrong you ever did or said

Toxic amnesia makes the victims of this abuse question their reality and doubt themselves and constantly ruminate about what they did wrong. Makes the victims blame and gaslight themselves. Victims feel like they are ‘going crazy’ it’s at the heart of this type of abuse. Thank you so much for this insightful video, people need to know they are a witness of the abuse and learn to trust and believe in themselves to validate what they experienced !

A narcissist selective memory can be extremely exhausting for those on the receiving end. I married someone who turned out to be a covert narcissist; we were officially ‘together’ for 22 years before he abandoned the family without notice, previous agreement or discussion. While in the process of remodeling our home, we would decide how to do a certain thing, what materials to use, textures, colors, or talk about anything else in our lives. He spent years as a geo bachelor (Navy) and was home on weekends only, so the subject was not revisited during the week, but when it was time to work on the plans we had discussed, he often insisted that we had not made those decisions and an argument ensued. I had to do mental contorsionism (while in the middle of a severe depression) in order to recall and repeat the conversation exactly as it took place and refute each one of his arguments, but again and again he denied what was said. Occasionally, one of our teenagers who had witnessed the conversation a week earlier would chime in and tell his father that I was right, things had gone the way I was telling them. His ‘amnesia’ also applied to any subject related to our lives and for the longest time I feared that he might be suffering from early Alzheimer’s, since his paternal grandmother died of it at the age of 65. What really baffled me at the time was his capability to remember when someone from work called him for some emergency. My husband was then perfectly capable to recall and spew procedures, codes, orders, names, dates…. you name it, but he seemed unable to remember basic things such as type of moulding to use or a wall paint color…. Now I know it was due to his narcissistic selective memory.

Everyone remember he's a victim of bullying and forget who they bullied.

For years I have thought my husband was just terrible at remembering, had trouble focusing. I just recently realized it was purposeful. I have started keeping a journal so I don’t second-guess myself and think I must not be remembering accurately when he says, “I don’t remember that...”. His favorite phrase is “I must have blocked that out.”

My ex did this repeatedly, and would even deny proof of his "forgotten" reality. He also regularly engaged in rewriting history and making things up that were never said or never happened.

Thanks for explain this! Wow it’s what I have been living for too long. I thought maybe I was dealing with someone with early stage dementia but I don’t think I am now. History is constantly being changed and agreements are never kept, it’s like they were never made! We have the same conversations over and over like they never happened. It’s crazy making! He also acts like he is so willing to work on things and make things better but then won’t follow through. We can discuss things to death, agree what to do and then he will change those agreements in an instant! No discussion what so ever! So he is obviously aware that he is changing the agreement and not just forgetting! I think I am dealing with someone with toxic amnesia not dementia…

Yes! "I never threw that chair at you. You're insane."

This video, was very helpful, I was always second guessing myself, but this explains alot in regards to how a narcissist behaves and reacts. Thankyou

Thank you so much for posting this! This is equally the most scariest and saddening thing I've ever experienced in my life

this is probably one of the narcissists most incidious of not the most insidious weapon they have. I have suffered from this for years as a child to adulthood until I found out what it was all about. He would remember the most petty wrongs I have done 20 years ago but forget the maniacal and jealous envious hateful things he does 2 weeks ago as if it never happened or I interpreted it wrong or I made him do it... etc. He is Never Wrong. Ever. Thats another thing about a real narcissist they will never admit their faults ever even if its obvious and in front of your face they will somehow and someway tie you to it and say things like "you made me do it", "common, i never beat you like that, you should see how most fathers beat their kids. I'm too soft of a parent my greatest fault is not beating you hard enough thats why you are so spoiled. There are kids being raped and beaten black and blue by their drunk father now thats real abuse."

Darren. You were spot on. I personally went through what you described. Thanks for you're work.

My ex narc never “remembered” the hurtful things he had done. His story would often change several times too; it’s as if he couldn’t even remember his own lies. I could literally show him screenshots from things I had found on his own phone between him and other women, and he would just say, “well I don’t remember saying/doing that but I guess if you say it did I must have”. One night he almost asphyxiated our dog. I had to jump on him to get him to release him. The next morning he didn’t remember any of it. Some experts claim they really don’t remember certain things because their disorder filters them out. I don’t believe that in his case. I think he knows exactly what he did, he just kept lying so much to cover it all up that he probably “remembers” it all in such a way that it makes him not look as bad.

Wow. The world seems to be getting absolutely RIDDLED with people who have toxic amnesia.

This is really helpful Darren. Thank you so much for sharing. I just joined you to see more of your upcoming videos :)

Just recently, an old acquaintance wrote about a specific time in her life I was a part of on Facebook. However, her retelling of this time in her life was not accurately portrayed. Her dates were way off but had to be to in her retelling so that the truth was not told. The lie was that 9/11 killed her business. The truth is her business opened in August 2001 and grew for the next few years until there was a big drama blowup and she lost most of her clients. These things are easily checked too. I laughed when I read it.

this happened yesterday - I am in utter shock and disbelief at the new lowly levels this person can call home

Thank you for the knowledge, truth and transparency on this topic. From one soul to another, I am grateful for your graceful transparency and integrity. You, Sir, are an intricate and vital force of love and light during such a time where so many human souls are in need of this information being delivered to them in a neutral, concise manner. ‘Selective amnesia’ could quite possibly be one of mankind’s most dangerously irreparable behavioral traits. For it not only questions therefore diminishes but attacks another’s sovereignty of not just their soul but their emotional, mental and physical freedom as well. This is a act of malignancy that brings with it a long-withstanding ripple effect worse than but comparable to a nuclear fallout. I believe this willful forgetfulness can be found in almost all of human history, not leaving one soul, one tribe, group or a continent untouched and unscathed forever. For so long now, many souls have had their inner guidance and inner truth - their light and their truth-snuffed and silenced due to behaviors such as selective amnesia. Simply due to the heartbreaking fact that there was no other “rational” or “socially acceptable” option presentable at the time. They had no option but to not trust their inner voice. We human beings, if and of any report, no matter our past or current decisions, choices and circumstances, must act quickly and make a choice to speak to others about these topics. These most raw and painful and unapproachable topics and behaviors. We should feel free to speak clearly, loudly with such confidence and such strength because it is wrong to allow such behavior as this to continue when we know about it. This comes down to the mere principal and virtue of what we as a group allow and accept to continue into the future. For, on the Earth, universal law will always remain sovereign. For what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. This is not a matter of personal opinion- this is universal law. We have a duty to help ourselves, the future inhabitants of this planet and to at least- attempt - to start an open dialogue whenever and wherever we can about these things. For they are an act of mental, emotional, and spiritual warfare. Because when we, one at a time or even hundreds at a time start to stand up and speak (even if that means just speaking your true feelings out loud to a stranger one day instead of continuing to hold it inside because that is what we have been conditioned and beaten into doing so as to have such accustomed depths of TRAUMA that we now, today, can no longer decipher the difference between our inner most truths due to someone else’s deeply deeply repressed trauma. In the past, we have been accustomed to accept these behaviors by sheer force but now they have bound and tethered out souls into the lowest depths of isolation -isolation from SELF. Isolation and doubt of your inner voice, of your innate knowingness that every and ALL human beings arrive here on Earth with. Trauma. It is hard - no, there are not yet words to describe or convey how guttural all of our traumas are. Singularly and collectively. So, if we cannot or simply choose not to talk about the pain and trauma behind these behavioral traits such as selective amnesia, let us give others and thus ourselves the grace, humanity and love to hold the space for an open dialogue about it. Love and Light. Remember where you came from. Remember your power. Remember your light. No amount of abuse, no amount of being silenced in any way shape or form can EVER take that from you. Remember your light and then hold it the space open to shine on others so that they too, can be graced with the unfailing conclusion of remembrance as well. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

Thanks very much for this Darren ❤ I've watched online videos like this for a long time but need a refresher course on escaping Narcissistic Abuse because naively got myself back into another abusive relationship without realising he's a narcissist until a few months in. The love bombs, future faking, gaslighting, lies by omission, mind games, twisting the blame, playing victim when confronted, several inconsistencies, selective memory and rewriting history are now very see through. I stupidly stayed and gave more chances and "the benefit of the doubt" until I could do so no more. I can identify when you said about being met with incredulous disbelief from the Narcissist where they deny anything happened and asked for examples - it's an awful reaction to be met with and even when they're given solid examples and proof they still lie. The constant chaos takes a toll and I'm sorry you endured this horror too. Thanks again for your channel on spotting red flags. A literal lifesaver 🙏

Very interesting!🤔 Didn't realize yet another form of gaslighting! 😱 Under the guise of addictions dysfunction - They don't remember! 🤥 Free pass. No! Me accepting fake apologies! Enabling etc.... until the next time! Boundaries!😎 Consequences! Getting off my merry-go-round called Denial🤦 TY! 😁

I lived this for 20 years.

Thank you so much for this. It was very helpful.

A most helpful segment of information that brings to light the acknowledgment of this behaviour.🙏

I was sitting in my parked car not long ago at a shopping center and my estranged personality disordered wife of only one week came over to my car out of the blue and damaged my vehicle while I watched . I did not exit the vehicle .She smiled at me through my windshield and then hopped into a car with another man driving and drove away . Shocking does not even begin to describe this abuse . Can you say coercive control ? When I confronted her by telephone the next day she said she didn't know anything about it, it must have been someone else ,she wasn't there . She was dead serious .It was scary to think that she is completely delusional or worse delusional with a level of malevolence directed at me with precision to continue to injure me emotionally . I really enjoy your channel. Outstanding information as always to help those of us who have suffered at the hands of gas lighting blame shifting people whom we have sincerely loved and cared for . I

This is a very informative video thank you 🤍

I never said that, I never did that. That thing you told me 1000 times over, this is the first time I'm hearing about it

I remember dealing with someone like this once..hed do or say something shady or hurtful then deny he said or did it..I realized he was playing with me, I bet wherever he is right now he remembers the last time I left his house and NEVER went back..and I bet he remembers calling me every day for 6 months and getting no answer!!🤧🥱😭🤣

Hi, thanks for this great video! So.. Just a question.. Does the narcissist realise that they are lying?

You explain with very good examples! Thank you for the videos!

Thank you. This was very helpful.

I’m glad I have not hurt anyone.

Thank you for this! It’s so helpful 😊

Very helpful. Thank you.

Have a diary, take notes.

Selective amnesia = lie+reluctant to admitthe truth +hiding things deceiving

She would forget just normal things. Like it was another person

Thanks a lot. My husband does this all the time. 😮

This video has audio and video out of sync'. Thank you for your wise words. This is the second video of yours, that I have watched today. Thank you for your succinct and calm explanations of the symptoms of these conditions cause.

Thank you Very helpful

Actually am undergoing a broken friendship with someone accusing me for something I wrongly did 6-7years ago and actually apologized over the same time period. It was only provoked when we were fighting over her not being open/honest with the other and how she'd expect the other to change when she hasn't.

I mean how do they forget the major things they have done though? Terrible though these people are, I doubt they are stupid. Do they just somehow know how to block the initial offense out of their minds? Or do they think "compensating" by doing all these supposedly great things for other people somehow buries it...instead of actually acknowledging what they did and apologizing to the actual person they hurt? Because admitting to what they have done is just too unbearable for them to face and own up to? 🤨

Not sure I was victim to this. However, in my experience, all my alleged wrongs were brought up. Even though the events leading to my wrongs were never mentioned. I was also repeatedly accused of saying things that - for all intents and purposes, I may have said it, but only a very small part of what was said was filtered out and used against me. So I never remembered the specific accusations. Those things I was accused of was in a greater context of other things that I said at the same time. I have personally always had poor memory anyway. Absent mindedness is probably a better term. What got me thinking more clearly about this issue, is our times we sat listening to sermons on KZfaq. Teachers and pastors I know and trust, whose doctrine is flawless. They are meant to have said certain things, which taken by themselves, it is not possible for them to have said it, unless it was in an illustration explaining a greater topic. Very interesting. Thank you.

I asked him what my mom’s name was a few months after she passed. Then he got angry and I asked why are you getting angry. He said he doesn’t remember her name. Even though I cried to him for weeks after she passed. Didn’t remember how to spell my last name even though we were together for 4.5yrs. These people are truly dangerous! Sometimes they really don’t remember the horrible things they did. How messed up does a person have to be for their brains to be wired in such a way. They need to be on a registered Offender list so others can be warned to proceed with caution.

Delusional partner told me I couldn’t stay in the house and needed to get to a place of safety as the gang were out to get him and possibly me and he didn’t know what he would do, took my keys, gave me a suitcase to pack some things and forced me out. Awful shock and horror doesn’t describe this episode even weeks in especially as he has been telling everyone I left him and went and I’m called a liar if I bring it up

Ohhhhh YES!! My husband is MASTER of this!!!!

Thanks for the videos. I remembered being berated and attacked because I didn't want to have sex again the next morning after spending some time with him. I had to go to work I wasn't trying to tease him. gave him a kiss before time to leave and he took it as me teasing him and got very angry. Saying how terrible I was that I would do that to him and then leave. Yelling is if we're not in a condo with neighbors. Commenting on how strong The male Drive is in that I'm causing him all this distress. I remember going up and down the steps to get my stuff crying here we go again. He was perched in the doorway like a gargoyle as I went up the steps. I even changed his name in my phone to gargoyle to help me remember to stay away. He remembers a romantic evening and that we had a wonderful connection. It's interesting that through his counseling he's able to say the words to me that he has selective memory. And spoke of it as it was okay oh, unfortunately. He seemed to view it as a tool that's okay to use to preserve himself. Now that I type that he actually does use that term a lot to preserve himself. He must preserve himself. Self-preservation doesn't mean gaslighting other people. Or kicking them when they're down and then calling the reactive. Got to stay away. And I'm working on not caring about what his opinions are about me and not hearing that he recreates my past in such a way I am just reacting to things. No acknowledgment of how has Behavior has affected me the announcement of his abuse it's just me acting a certain way. Very sad. Thank you for the video very accurate I've definitely experienced this to the T.

Dishonesty by ommision

They would blame they had general anesthesia and causing memory loss.

Concerned about this in current relationship as he says he doesn’t typically remember things but he says it because he has so much anxiety. How likely is it that having a lot of anxiety would mean someone would forget things frequently?

It's toxic and selective

I have a question I hope someone can answer. I dated a sociopathic-narc. I gave him a gift and a couple of weeks later he claimed to not remember me giving it to him! He said. "Oh, I wondered where I got that?" When I asked him about it. It was so humiliating. Is this a form of toxic amnesia? Thank you.

A good friend once told me to write everything down and in my ignorance I didnt....I now wish I did. I cant actual;ly remember things in the past as I ws so busy being a mum and was working later oni in my married life. I no longer day dreamed like I did prior to having children. I stopped thinking of the future and just got on with day to day life. By the end of my marriage my husband accused me of saying certain words which I dont ever remember saying. He says he has a great memory and knows that I dont. Does this make me a narcisist for not remembering?

She only surrounds herself with other narcissist so people never see through her.

Is selective amnesia real or not ? Do they actually not remember or do they just pretend not to remember to avoid responsibility ?

I seriously think my ex has severe mental health issues. She literally subconsciously did a lot of things

Selective memory

What are the pitfalls of toxic amnesia on a company

But they are damaged. Not making excuses but they are damaged

I am a male. And my older brother forced me to sodomy I was a child. I did not even know what sex was. I did not know what was happening. He did this to me multiple times. He poisoned my life at a very young age. I am 57 years old now. I recently confronted him on the issue. He denied it. Please respond

What do you do in response to toxic amnesia?

What if your dealing with someone who matches multiple videos you have posted?

I've experienced this technique. I .did not want to forget what w as said or done. 1 min 40 sec. L

Is it possible they have brain damage? I have tested their memory repeatedly and they really don't remember. One even admitted to making things up when there are holes in the memory. No memory will cause a lot of problems.

Yes I do basically everything iv experienced very selective memory except they can always remember chips and racism Hitler's agenda and buying drugs

Hi

Yep I know someone like that !🧿🪬