To celebrate Christmas, let's take a closer look at one of Jesus's teachings: the admonition to turn the other cheek. This teaching has been interpreted in many ways over the ages, and I'm going to offer another one. It's one that, I believe, accord very nicely with a nuanced understanding of human psychology. In this episode, I explain how turning the other cheek functionally places aggression on an extinction protocol by divesting aggression of its reinforcement mechanism. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com

I'm glad that you addressed this. The expression turn the other cheek never sat well with me, and you've helped me to see it from a fresh perspective.

Thank you, being indifferent and walking away is the best way to disarm any toxic & narcissist people. It saved me.

"Please remember to smite the like button." That quote made me happier than it probably had any right to.

Never heard it put that way! Very helpful! Thank you! I live with many mentally unstable persons and have been tested a number of times. And yes, many cheeks are needed at times. But by staying close to God's mercy, forgiveness and humility they indeed become disarmed. Very difficult and lots of stumbles but all goes well for most part. Blessed be God forever!!! 🙏

I once heard that the advice to turn the other cheek had an important cultural context. Apparently it was appropriate to slap a slave with the back of the hand but an equal with an open hand. Jesus is saying that if someone hits you as if you were a slave, then just offer him the other cheek. If he follows through, you will automatically have forced him to acknowledge you as an equal, without even having had to do anything about it. The explanation made more sense to me than the way it's usually interpreted. Jesus tended to have somewhat shrewd solutions to the questions and problems presented to him, and advice to basically just roll over sounded a bit lackluster. As if he was saying to just embrace powerlessness. I think it was more of a non-violent way to regain and maintain autonomy.

Awesome description of that scripture. Basically, return evil for evil to no one. I've put this into practice, and it works beautifully. If it continues, then I'll outwardly say that its not ok and I'd appreciate it if they treat me with the same respect that i treat them with. If it still continues, I just won't associate with them anymore, and let the reason be known. I think people usually treat you in the way they've been treated, and expect the same reaction that they themselves would give. When they don't get that reaction, it really challenges their belief system, and I believe it actually gives them hope deep down that things can actually be peaceful, and that there is another way to deal with such an offense. Basically, you would be passing along the same hope that Jesus himself gave to us.

I envy your optimism.. honestly because when I hear this all I can think of is "yeah but what if I do this and fail yet again?.." in my opinion the less you psych yourself up and get yourself to believe it'll work, the more disappointed and hurt you are when it doesn't... Isn't it then better to not get your hopes up? I get that if you believe something isn't going to work, the more probable it is your mindset becomes a reality so that's not what i mean. What i mean is to not believe in it but also not not believe in it. Saves you a lot of disappointment...

It can sometimes but not always depend on the mindframe of the aggressor. Some who are bullies could see turning the other cheek as a sign of weakness and be encouraged to become more aggressive.

I think it depends on the situation. If someone is baiting you with words, it’s often better not to retaliate because that’s what they are looking for.

I've worked in some very toxic work environments. And it's been my experience that if you ignore your bully, they won't necessarily stop it could even escalate. But if you stand up for yourself, you have a better chance of them backing off. Sometimes, you have to address the person or persons and say stop bullying, harassing me. I don't deserve this. I'll take your ass to court! When people see you mean business, normally they back off. I don't believe most sane people want to get into an entanglement where they could end up losing the battle. The advice to turn the other check may sound nice on paper, but in reality, standing your ground seems much more effective.Jesus turned the other check and look at what the Romans did to him.

thanks! danke, merci, köszönöm!

This tactic can increase the intensity of the attack and eventually become a high-risk situation, the attacker can use another weapon that is extremely effective with overwhelming results, or become more resourceful in order to achieve the result he desires. The risk of escalation is high in some cases. In others, however, this tactic may indeed be disarming and tangible evidence of moral and mental resilience

That's deep.

this is very good! and I have not heard this before - thank you

Jedi, on point as always. Let me propose another interpretation: turning the other cheek is like saying - very similarly to what you are saying, but not exactly: "this first way resulted in a blow to me; lessons learned, this way does not work; since I way certain outcome then let's try it out this other way (another cheek)." That is, rather than escalating violence you keep thinking for them and offering viable solutions for you... eventually, hopefully, your new cheek wont be received with a blow.

Thanks!

Powerful interpretation 💖. Operant conditioning? When you respond with hurt to the intended harm you may give negative attention and reward them, but not responding or choosing not to be harmed doesn't give them any reward or satisfaction. Some will escalate attacks for a while (throw tantrums), before ultimately fizzing out when they are unsuccessful. You may also reflect some of the harm they intended for you back on to the aggressor when you do this, depending on how fragile and weak they are inside.

I have always interpreted this as to allow insults, not attacks. If someone strikes you with their left hand, as he implies since it’s on your right cheek, they have merely insulted you. Take it and move on. But if they attack you, “ye shall defend your families even unto bloodshed”.

"Its only embarrassing if you feel embarrassed".

So good.

Very timely content. I’ve always understood it to be a call for Believers to exhibit patience and forbearance in the face of adversity. Other prophets of God have also prescribed this comportment too.

Great perspective on a classic, doc. I've never heard this interpretation and I like it better than the traditional "don't defend yourself, let anyone beat you senseless". Work on being resilience. Very nice.

Somehow your interpretation of this quote reminds me a lot of stoicism.

Turning the other cheak is about love, and forgiveness. It's fullness is seen on the cross, when Jesus prayed after punched and put to death: Father, forgive them, for they don't know, what they do.

Brilliant 👏 and good twist on the Jesus facial hair bringing the point home. 😄

Notice He doesn't say what to do after turning the other cheek. I suppose it depends on the situation.

This isn't just good advice this is what we can probably call wisdom. The kind of knowledge we might deep down already know and think is true but that no one is willing to say because of how hard it is to follow. Recently found your channel and it's full of wisdom. I really appreciate your thoughts. Another interpretation of this idea of turning the other cheek is through the context of loving our neighbor not just as if they were ourselves but even God himself. That's how we become one with Him, is realizing we are all the same thing. Loving our neighbor is a very real and even radical way of loving ourselves. Whatever is inside of me is ultimately inside of everyone else. So when Christ asks us to love our enemies He is asking us to love that part of ourselves that is able to do evil things. That enemy certainly doesn't love himself nor others so we will do it for him. It has to start somewhere. So when Christ tells us to love our enemies he means it in the most literal way possible. We most likely think it's hyperbole though and will say "Yeah I'll love my enemy but there's obviously limits. I'll be kind and invite them into my home but once they start hurting me they have got to go." But Christ knew this excuse already "If you invite a thief into your home and he steals your things call after him as he's running away and tell him to also have the coat on your back. The purpose of this life isn't to gain riches anyways, it's to learn to love the man that would steal everything from you." It sends a clear message of how literally he wants us to take this commandment. But then we think "Thats fine I guess but surely if our enemy starts physically hurting us that's the line that we just have to draw. It's taking it too far." But Christ also knew this excuse "If your enemy hurts you physically and strikes your cheek, turn the other one for him to strike again and again. The purpose of this life isn't to learn to avoid harm, it's to learn to love the man that would strike you every chance he got. You and your enemy are the exact same thing and is right there ready to be loved as yourself." I'm not religious at all but can see the wisdom in what Christ and others taught. It seems to be the same wisdom found in lots of other ancient religious texts. It also seems to be the same kind of wisdom available to learn while undergoing a serious exploration of psychadelics

That can be a very hard strategy. You have explained why this is a good strategy but any tips on how to mentally and emotionally turn the other cheek? Examples please.

helpful in small context. a lot of possibilities where more violent people meet less submissive people, etc. a good remembrance tool to... "not sweat the small stuff". Some matters are better met when good, trained people can be violent to bad careless individuals. if an argue to this point, think up a school shooter scenario or any random explosive situation where an act is needed to prevent loss of life.

Powerful approach

I’ve always wondered if a slap in those days was more like an insult and not an assault. Along the lines of throwing a shoe at someone was a show of disrespect.

Very interesting. What about the situation of being unduly "character assassinated" at a work performance review? To react in indignation likely results in a quick sacking but no mental burnout; to ignore it likely results in a mental burnout and a resignation. I have experienced both responses and outcomes. Is there a third way?

Nice sweatshirt!

Paused video to do my good deed for the day, and leave this comment! Have a smite-y nighty! 😂

I've encountered some real unkind people in my life. If I let the other person know I was not affected, then they will keep trying or will try more effectively until indeed I am hurt. Since I don't want that to happen, I will pretend to be hurt and, if that person is mean enough to twist the knife, well to me its all fiction at that point and I then study the person who thinks he is actually managing something real as I slide out sideways and maybe have fun with his mind on the way out.

I have another take that turning the other cheek is to "declare yourself, defiantly, to be your striker's equal." Is there any merit to that? How could it be verified? Thanks so much, and God bless you!

The key to understanding what is being said is context. Culturally this is a right handed culture as the left hand was used to clean oneself after elimination and in the days before soap, running water, and hand dryers was not used. Therefore if someone struck you on the right cheek (and there was emphasis here) it would have been a backhand which is how you hit servants and slaves and is a personal slight going even further than just physical battery. The old testament has given Jesus' people recourse so they can get even as he mentions "eye for eye", but Jesus is saying that what we should be doing is giving people grace from a position of power. That power comes from God. Have faith that people will be judged and that judgement is reserved for God. We therefore should cultivate our own power so that we 'could' get vengeance 'eye for eye and tooth for tooth' as this satisfies the ego knowing you are not powerless. Then do not pursue justice or vengeance but display meekness and give grace by offering more than what was taken. Thus as Orion stated you rob the action of it's power and claim power over them by freely giving when others thought they could take your: comfort, safety, dignity, and peace.

Is this used on people that experienced childhood trauma? Because many say some are not curable. I believe that it is possible to heal wounds for many. It may be a long process, but a possibility through this type of e ercise. Thanks.😉👍♥️

Is it not taking revenge? Merry Christmas ⛄ Dr. O 🎄

Beautiful message… As i add to it with this complimentary commentary: Staying in the Will of God one can enjoy the understanding that as His Child… ALL things will prosper you from an eternal perspective (Romans 8, in entirety) 25 But if we hope for what is still unseen by us, we wait for it with patience and composure. 26 So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance. 27 And He Who searches the hearts of men knows what is in the mind of the [Holy] Spirit [what His intent is], because the Spirit intercedes and pleads [before God] in behalf of the saints according to and in harmony with God’s will. 28 We are assured and know that [[j]God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was [k]aware and [l]loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning [foreordaining them] to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness], that He might become the firstborn among many brethren. 30 And those whom He thus foreordained, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified (acquitted, made righteous, putting them into right standing with Himself). And those whom He justified, He also glorified [raising them to a heavenly dignity and condition or state of being]. 31 What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?] 32 He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect [when it is] God Who justifies [that is, Who puts us in right relation to Himself? Who shall come forward and accuse or impeach those whom God has chosen? Will God, Who acquits us?] 34 Who is there to condemn [us]? Will Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who died, or rather Who was raised from the dead, Who is at the right hand of God actually pleading as He intercedes for us? 35 Who shall ever separate us from Christ’s love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword? 36 Even as it is written, For Thy sake we are put to death all the day long; we are regarded and counted as sheep for the slaughter. 37 Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors [m]and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things [n]impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, 39 Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Turning the other cheek is the most harmful advice. It encourages the bullies to do more and more and more. If you want to stop a bully then you stand up now. Strong now. Power position now. Otherwise the bully gleefully continues. And in fact increases the harm. This is why are in the world we have today. Not enough people standing up to the elites and woke mobs.

this only works if the aggression is only a verbal insult, as in the other well-known phrase, "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me". It doesn't work for actual physical aggression. How would it go for the Ukrainian army if they turned the other cheek instead of shooting back at the Russians?

As the Stoics used to day: "Choose not to be harmed - and you won't feel harmed. Don't feel harmed - and you haven't been "

Okay then love my enemy. Probably means. Feel good around them. Not put your guard down and be their parent. Or date them like you love them. Its like. I love abbot and costello. Maybe they were not cool. But they are hilarious. I still love them.

No one mentions the connection between Jesus's teaching in Matthew 18:15-17 and the turning of the other cheek as a way to respond to abusive behavior.

That's why nukes can be considered as weapons. Because you have no cheeks left to turn.

How about removing yourself from the situation the first time your cheeck is struck?

don't give them the satisfaction of letting them know whether they've hit a nerve.... conversely.... people (thin skinned types) who look to take offense, claim victim status, might be unintentionally inviting further harm.

i think it has more to do with the fact that the aggressor is a victim of the satan and therefore doesn't deserve revenge from you

well what other cheeks can be turned?... oh, nevermind.

I dont know why people keep repeating this ridiculous point about non-violent action, they cant even look at the whole paragraph, jesus said "it is said 1. an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, but i say to you 2. if someone sues you for your tunic give him also your cloak, 3. if someone asks you to walk one mile with them walk with them three miles, 4. if someone smites thee on one cheek, also turn the other". What do you all those 4 points have in common? they are related to, shall we say, fairness, equality, karma. The first one states a simple law that sounds fair, the other 3 state terms that dont sound fair. This is waht JEsus is saying, in the past it was about acheiving fairness yourself, now you dont worry about that, this is really not rocket science, this has nothing to do with violence, why would he mention the other two points then? slapping someone cheek is a sign of disrespect, if he wanted to make a point about violence he would talk about violence not a simple gesture which doesnt cause any serious harm, he would mention something about losing an eye or similar.

If you can say i want you to endorse your educatin

AS A MAN YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TURN THE OTHER CHICK ……ALWAYS ….

What jesus really means with that is not pretending that you are invincible superhumans who cannot be harmed at all, but that you should not care about being harmed. You should not try to to even preserve your life as you should not care about it just like jesus did not bother to even defend himself.

The metaphor of turning the other cheek is just wrong. It’s not just about showing indifference. It’s also advocating to remain available and resilient for future wrongdoings. it’s advocating for the same weird « heroic suffering » christians are so fond of, just like jesus with the cross story. That’s outdated, naive and ignorant of how human interactions work

This is a concept called extinction. It is simply the denial of reinforcement following an undesired behavior. This can work assuming that the aggressor is not reinforced simply by the feeling of hitting. (a bold assumption) Even if that were the case, a previously reinforced behavior on extinction typically results in an extinction burst, meaning the behavior will likely escalate before decreasing. In this case you would probably get the shit beat out of you before you see a decrease in aggressive behavior. In the same passage, Jesus goes on to say that if someone sues you, give them your coat. That's asking to be sued again. Why? Because the bible is a tool designed to make the masses submissive and tolerant of exploitation.

so it's like showing a middle finger? 😁

Doesn’t work all the time

Every cheek heelll naaaaw what you mean by that wtf💀

Get a teleprompter

This is gravely dangerous advice to broadcast. As a victim of domestic violence, I know my experience that there is no psychological way to disarm an abuser. The only way to disarm an abuser is by disappearing from their access to to. I am seriously disappointed that you have not considered the dynamics of domestic violence before this talk was posted. The holidays are when the highest incidents of interpersonal violence occurs. Please repost with a revision and warning that addresses this dynamic. By the way, this passage from Jesus is one of the many that converted me away from Christianity