Projection does not "always" come with anger. It comes in casual conversation, it comes as passive aggression passed off as jokes etc.

Lessons like this should be taught in middle school! Glad it's always not too late for self-realization.

Projection is a type of gaslighting as well.

People can project their stuff onto you without anger, too. There is a person in my life now who is so unable to handle any uncomfortable reality that she projects it onto me and others out of fear, especially if she has done something she fears she will get in trouble for. She has an extreme lack of awareness. Thanks for the management techniques to deal with this behavior.

I am not to sure it's always unconscious. My sister's wouldn't talk to other people the way they do me. I actually believe some of these people know what they are doing because they only do it with certain people.

They are jealous too. Don't forget the green eyes monster!!!!

I did exactly what you said at the end of this video. I started to think there was something wrong with me for being single or my standards were too high. Met my husband. He was amazing but there were red flags. I justified it by saying no one is perfect and even I need to make changes. ThIs will be healthy for me. Wrong. There was one key component missing that I needed. He was not a soft kind caring person. My lack of self love and self awareness led me to make unspeakable compromises. I grieve these regrets. I sacrificed myself trying to please an unpleaseable person.

I never knew anything about projection. I thought that if I felt something about someone then they have to have some cause to it. I really didn’t know or understand that people can’t make you feel anything about you unless you already feel that about yourself. I definitely projected unwanted feelings on others at times but I was truly unaware of it. I’ve learned to take accountability for my emotions. I validate myself and reassure myself.

Couldn't agree with you more, Stephanie! At the end of the day misery just wants company and that's why people become rude and lash out. It's a way of reflecting their pain, personal problems and life onto others. Remarkable video:)!

I’m sure it’s easier to handle when you’ve previously been validated by your parents. But when your parents on the opposite, project their own insecurities on to you, it’s very complicated to handle with them and with other people.

..or you can say: should i write it down,just in case? Haha to the narcissist.. But one smart thing to say is: i can't control what you think of me. Or, your thoughts does not define who i am.

Nothing from your past should affect the way to treat or speak to others. If you cant find a way to heal from your past enough to treat people with the respect they deserve you need to focus more on that and work to be a kinder person. Just because you understand some one is projecting on you does not mean you will take it or have that person in your life. You don't deserve disrespect just because some one else can't handle their feelings. (2)

That makes sense. Someone who is unhappy might go around falsely accusing others are being unhappy and tell that person they need to get better. This is a recent experience of mine. I think it started with jealousy because I am doing better.

You are one of my favorite people to watch on KZfaq. Your level of intellect is amazing...

I am always being attack by my X. I am always being blamed for everything. You are so right, I have passion for other greater things in my life.Whenever I bring it up I’m told its ridiculous.

STEPHANIE is so brilliant! I'm old now and yet I am still learning even though I have a degree in Psychology and post grad degrees in related fields! I was "captured" by an older man when I was still at school. He was a covert Narcissist. Before he appeared I was quite confident, due to the great school I was at. I joined in with everything and was enthusiastic and happy. It didn't take him long to knock all this out of me. He taught me I was a horrible person. This just echoed my narcissist mother's words, which I had semi-escaped by going to a great school so far from home I hardly had time to be at home much. He criticised me all the time, and made sure I was isolated from all my friends. He told me not to say things before we went out to see his friends and that I was only to answer them simply and not initiate conversation. He would admire other women's make-up and clothes and jewellery, but said I was a 'tart' if I wore such things and I hardly had anything much to wear anyway. I was stuck with this man for over 23 years and it was, believe it or not, a clairvoyant who told me he was killing me from the inside! I didn't even believe in clairvoyance and thought it was wrong, but was approached by chance. She was more like a counsellor. After seeing her I just became calm. I enrolled for my second degree. Whenever he began hectoring me I found myself saying, calmly and a bit bored, "yeh yeh, that's what you always say. I'm not bothered" and would leave the room. I started legal separation proceedings, so I could be sure of financial security for the children. He would throw money away as a means to control me and force me to stay by making me think I'd have to get yet another job as well as the one I had, to pay all the debts he created. For example, at one time I had a baby, two children to get to school and three jobs all at the same time! I would get up at 4a.m. and go to bed at 1a.m. and work throughout. It was killing me. Yet we still hadn't enough money! He held the household bank account and didn't give me any money of my own so I had to earn my own and keep a secret account! If I didn't do this the children could not have clothes or go on school trips or have birthday presents or holidays or music lessons. He knew I had some money but not where and he never paid for anything beyond the mortgage and some household bills which he often didn't pay. He would buy some horrible food once a week and we had only that with no fruit or salad unless I bought other food. I bought all the Birthday and Christmas presents, even for his family and paid for us to visit his dear elderly father, paying to stay in holiday accommodation while there. Once I returned from work with a severe blinding migraine, checked that the children had eaten and went to bed. The next morning I had to get up and pack all the camping things, food and clothes (although the children were well into their teens) and drive for over 6 hours, over 300 miles to go and visit his father, even though I was still ill. No one asked me how I was. He was so cruel to me in the things he said and how he treated me especially when I was ill. The nurses at the school where he worked found out and could not believe it and openly asked me why did I stay? Obviously i said because of the children. I thought I shielded them from him.. I think maybe they might be a bit like him. I am in pain all the time now, am disabled and old and live alone yet they are so critical of me and have no idea what my life is actually like. The kindest people are those who have suffered too, I find. I have a dear friend who phones me regularly. I wish I had valued myself more, instead of being his drudge. He needed me for his job and said I had to do certain things in order for him to gain positions in his work. I knew this was true, that he could not achieve his promotions without me. However, he still put me down so much I felt as if I ought to crawl under a stone. It is very hard to change that feeling after such a long time. It was bred in me by my mother. If I have contact with the children I feel it comes back strongly, the need to defend myself from the crushing put downs and feeling of not being good enough, of being despised. That is wrong surely? I am doing nothing wrong, far from it, I try so hard to make life better for everyone.

So true - my energy has been completely drained for years off this - Iv been given no option to have to defend myself which is completely even against who I am !!! But now I guess it’s made me more assertive in a way because this stuff happens and we have to kinda except that it’s part of life too ... I didn’t want to see this - that’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with positive people that. Own there stuff xxx

I think my sister did this to me when I confronted her about something she did wrong. Instead of apologizing or being accountable, she changed the subject to, "You need a man...". Or if confronted she'll try and divert the subject by saying, " You act like I'm a horrible person", etc.

ow! You have such a way of explaining things. I now see how I had projected my wants and desires on my husband when I met him even though I saw warning flags. Now he projects constantly negative feelings on me. We are separating after 5 years of marriage. Wish I would have known this sooner. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and wasted years of my life. This is my 4th marriage. All of them were toxic. Boy have I learned my lesson. Now comes the hard work of transforming my mind. Thank you so much for your knowledge on this subject.

Thank you !!! Very useful 😃 I think that seeing the person who projects on us as someone who needs help to understand their emotion it's better for us and to them ... You don't get yourself in a trap

Life is easy people make it hard...I never understood that until I became more mindful and self aware. I appreciate all of your videos and all the emotional intelligence I’m gaining from them.

The most dangerous projection comes with a smile or with nonchalance.

Holy smokes... Stephanie you have a gift! Thank you for explaining this so clearly. It helps me place the events in my life and helps explain why I have had so many stresses in my current relationship. May I suggest you write a short simple book for teenagers (and adults) on the behaviors to watch out for growing up? Much of what I have seen from you focused on this already... So many of us go into life without knowledge of these critically important things... thanks again for the great video!

Even listening to your videos for 2 days I have been so much happier. I am so codependent and been a big red flag target for narcissistic users. Some of my family members have been mastering narcissistic behaviors on me and others for years. I am so sick of these people. They need help as much as the people they use. Yes, we are wrong to be used and need help but those jerks most likely know they are taking advantage of out good nature. Yes, we need help to not be so loving and kind to assholes.

very helpful. i was crying all day because i’ve been feeling like there are many ppl who project onto me in my family life. it’s been more intense recently . but i’m finally learning to identify that it’s projection of their own feelings . i also have codependency traits at times, as well and that’s something i’m working on . thank you this video was amazing

I have been reading all about emotional abuse all over the internet for years but your videos ate absolutely the best and I love how you explain everything and give examples, I am a huge fan,

This DEFINITELY describes my marriage. Luckily, I have learned to have confidence and to love myself regardless of the opinions or "projections" of the significant other. He once projected onto me something (that was clearly untrue) that his mother said to him in an argument a week before. Oh, it was clear as day...

There is no negative feeling, I find. Just energy moving through and it’s uncomfortable but part of human life 💙

❤❤❤. Thank you so much for this video. I’m a young female manager , most of my subordinates are older. A problem that I have been experiencing lately is disrespectful behavior from time to time. It’s truly angering, especially when I do my due diligence to not be a toxic manager like I’ve experienced before. I just had a breakdown and started questioning myself, if I made a mistake with accepting this leadership role. What I’ve learned is that other people’s behavior has nothing to do with me. I’m responsible for myself and my emotions and how I react to them. It’s not a comfortable experience having people come at you aggressively and mean when you’re just doing your job. Thankfully I handled the issue calmly and respectfully while setting up a firm boundary. No one deserves to be disrespected. Hurt people hurt people, people don’t want to look at themselves nor do they want to be held accountable. Just like the narcissist can project with ease, I can walk in my healing ❤️‍🩹 and love myself by not absorbing their emotions and projections.

Thank you, thank you for this explanation of "positive projection." What an eye opener!

Having this knowledge gives you tools to deal with toxic people, and help you heal from their behaviours...otherwise we would be critical about ourselves and blame ourselves for their toxic behavior.

It’s subconsciously. Unconscious is when you’re not awake. Great video. Well explained. Very helpful.

I am learning so much with you!! Thank you!

I love this beautiful smart, articulate ..and inspirational lady.

Stephanie, thank you so much for everything you do for us. You can't imagine what a great friend and a helping hand we found in you.

Your words are so soothing to my soul. Thank You so so so much. ❤ Shayleen

No one has ever told me this, but this was something that has happened to me. I’m so happy that I’m finally here watching this video. Thank you so much for uploading those videos!

Thank you thank you thank you for making this video. I learned a lot. I can totally relate and I appreciate you taking the time to upload these kind of videos to help us learn and grow. ❤❤❤

This is exactly what I've needed to hear. Iam so happy to have found your channel💖🌊😊

Thank you Thank you Stephanie. You have an amazing way of delivering useful information. U have helped me so much.

You give so much clarity!! Can't thank you enough. Great success to you!!!

Very insightful and helpful. I experience a narcissists negative feelings projected on to me all the time. Its good to recognize and stop taking it personally.

That’s so true about people that don’t want to grow or change and how that goes hand in hand with projection. I wish these things were taught to us as kids.

Thank you - you have a talent for clearly describing psychological concepts. Particularly, your description of how a person's "negative parts" influence their behaviours subconsciously is very good.

Stephanie you always have something good to say. Dealing with difficult people is pure Hell until you learn not to take it personally and that this person is arguably suffering inside which is the reason why they act out.

I feel your speaking directly to me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom!

This video is good info. I was emotionally,mentally, and physically abused as a child and learned to always be quick to defend my innocents. But your videos have helped me to see things differently and are a huge blessing. Self love and knowing what others say and how they act has nothing to do with me is another huge help knowing it wasnt my fault.. Learning to see myself as victorious and not as a victim . Learning to respond out of love and not react out of emotions.

Thank you, this was helpful. I realize now that I have positively projected my wants and desires onto others, and I have been disappointed when I realize the person is not the friend I wanted them to be.

Thanks for the explanation! When I come across people who are projecting it always feels so out of the blue, and they would tell me that it's ME who is feeling like that or that I am thinking a certain way about them when it isn't what I am feeling/thinking at all. I used to think I need to explain myself but now I usually respond like this 😐and walk away. When I do this I'll sometimes be accused of being heartless because I'm not showing any emotion or any sign of being affected by it, but that's just me feeling completely calm and not internalizing their delusion.

Thanks for sharing! I start to notice this more when people do this, especially now that I am aware of it.

When I was married I never cheated on my wife, never wanted to. I would come home after a long day of working and all I wanted to do was eat something and relax. Instead, she would accuse me of cheating on her. Instead of relaxing she wanted to fight all night. When I denied it and said she didn't know what she is talking about, it probably sounded like gaslighting, but I was just being truthful. I eventually found out that she was cheating on me.

I've been avidly watching all your coaching videos paired with my real life therapy sessions. And I am also and HSP and relate so much to you. My therapist is not an HSP but we have a Thinker/ Feeler relationship that we are trying to communicate better in. It's beneficial for my relationship issues. But sometimes ya just need someone that just gets you. But you have been able to speak in my language with energies and really good at explaining concepts like this. In therapy we call it transference and counter transference. Thank you for your videos they are helping me better stand up for myself and enforce my boundaries which I am working on now! I am transforming/ career additions and slowly becoming a WARRIOR!! Much love!

Thank you. Eventhough I'm a survivor of a female narcissis, this makes me feel better because it now helps me understand!

Nailed it! Negative as well as Positive Projection - both behaviors need to be recognized and understood. Thank you for this informative presentation.

I work in a "toxic" work environment and narcissistic personalities are all over the place. Last week this coworker, I realize now, projected on me. I felt that she wanted to pick a fight with me out of thin air (apparently I didn't let the phone ring long enough and she missed my call and this was very bad of me , how dare I 🙄). I was turning the other cheek (as I always have done with this nutcase) and about to leave when she wouldn't let it go. After a year and a half of always tolerating her toddler behavior I finally just said, "hey I think your taking it the wrong way; please lets not make an issue out of how many rings you got". She interrupts me and says something and I guess I started to get red or something because then she goes "why are you getting upset?"with a small smile on her face. I try to answer calmly, "I am not upset." But really at this point I am very irritated and pissed and trying to hold it together. She again says, "yes you are, why are you getting upset?". And you can see she is absolutely beside herself tickled with delight that she pissed me off. I again trying to remain calm, but my voice is getting shaky, say "Im not upset." Lol I try to say something about how the phone thing should not even be an issue and she gets raging pissed and yells, "alright, Julia, get out!👉" And she pointed for me to leave! Lol I think this was projection on her part. I'm a little disappointed in myself that I couldn't stay calmer or put her in her place in a more confident tone. When she told me to get out, I told her , in a more raised voice, "don't tell me what to do!", and walked away. The situation escalated so quickly I'm not even sure how I could have acted differently or prevented it. Thank you for your videos and amazing advice. The key is to love and honor oneself so people like her won't see you as an easy target.

Thank you Stephanie for your channel! I’m going through a heartbreak after 6 months in emotional abusive relationship, and your videos are so on point synchronized with my thoughts. Thank you to help shape my mind and heal! Great job! 💞

Oh my God, you have saved my life with this information. I'm very passionate about my Mother as she is so unwell with multiple medical issues, shes clearly had enough and is breaking down in a very negative way. she is projecting it all onto me as being my fault shes in the situation shes in. I love her dearly and sharing my feelings of hurt and pain with a trusted sponsor wasn't easy, because all i wanted to do was to understand her more. I honestly feel so much better and I have tools now to deal with her in a more compassionate way. I tried to offer some advise, but that didnt go down to well, so listening to her, using a calm voice and making sure I remove myself from the situation if I'm feeling attacked is gonna help me immensely. Sharing my feelings directly to my Mother is something I have to work on because I don't want to hurt her. Cant wait to listen to more of your posts Stephanie. I understand the importance of self-care because Im in recovery myself, this just takes it to another level for me. God bless your intelligent insight xxx

Stephanie's videos are awesome and it doesn't hurt she's easy on the eyes. I can't believe someone treated this woman poorly.

You are the only who hit the bulls eye of all the coaches I have known. You service is needed by so many.

Thank you for the video. This is very powerful and educational, and yes should be taught to everyone as it seems to be quite common at least in our culture. I allowed somebody to project onto me for far too long and since I have realized they are a narcissistic and have educated myself on all of these traits (projecting and gas lighting, manipulation, etc), I have been able to be in control of myself again and feel like I have gotten my sanity and power back.

I loved this video, it really helped me to understand what projection is & how to stay calm when on the receiving end of someone projecting. Life is already difficult, but it becomes more challenging when people project their unhappiness on you, when you have only been kind and loving to them.

You really are helping people, thank you so much

I'm so grateful I came upon this video. Every thing that was stated in this video hit home. I've been with my partner for over 20 years and now im realizing how long I've been dealing with him projecting his feelings unto me. I've tried to reason with him and fight for my innocence but it only made it worse and he will never see my perspective. My feelings doesn't matter to him.. I'm definitely learning to not engage when he is in this state of mind. I've lost myself and my identity throughout the years and I have tried to hang to the hope that one day he will come to his senses. BUT it hasn't, and I'm pretty sure after all these years he never will. Its been a tough emotional roller coaster for me, but im going to continue to love me first and take care of my own emotional needs. Great video.

When you said ‘ if you can’t hold onto yourself’, I literally pictured an ocean wave of projection coming and having to brace myself for impact. Perfect imagery to have in the moment of attack.

Oh my God! Just in time! Thank you so much, Stephanie. Your videos are so helpful to me.

Thanks for sharing, great vid!

According to my husband, I shouldn't have told him that he was "toasty" . "She knows me, she knows better than to push my buttons!" Those were his words. It was my fault...... Really?! Huge Projection. Thanks for explaining Steph.

I had no idea what projection was, I didn't find anything about it anywhere. This is great info, I'll watch it on occasion to go over it, thank you for this. 😊

I’m sooooo glad I found your channel!

The way you explain things clearly of Projection, in this video, is amazing! I never understood, why I felt so bad for telling my sister that I got a new job and she didn't congratulate me or say anything nice. I tried to explain how this upset me, she says that I will lose my job as I am irrational and such bad things to me! I feel that I am losing my sister, but now I know she is manipulative and projecting. I need to learn how to handle things.

WoW Dr./Miss Lyn I'm looking up all my owe and people around me, issues. I think your delivery is fantastic. Thank You

Great video, helped me understand what I’ve been dealing with. She truly doesn’t even see it in herself and everyone else does

You are absolutely amazing and what you said about positive projection really hit home with me.

Man... I love so many of her videos. She's absolutely brilliant. So. Damn. Accurate.

Your videos are both enlightening and validating. Your videos have been such a help and a big part of my healing and growing process. Thank you!

Stephanie, thank you SO much for this video. I recently had situation where a close friend of mine projected towards me. This video helped me understand the situation better and was very informative!

This video helped me when a family member recently tried to emotionally abuse me by projecting his own securities into me and gaslight me. Thanks for giving me the awareness

i love what your doing Stephanie, good for everyone no matter where you are in life. Great Job!

This just shifted my whole perspective on alot of people and situations ive been in. Man this is good stuff, you're amazing💓

You are the best of the best, thank you for sharing these insightful videos .. life enriching and life changing!!

Life changing video. Thank you Stephanie. I just needed this right now.

Best description of projection I’ve heard.

Thank you for your video and your blouse is lovely.

I feel this was very well explained and hope more people listen to recognize not to take it personal when they are the victim from the one they love. I only learned about projection this past year and realize now I have been a victim of it for most of my married life. I always dealt well with it (not aware of what I was doing) when there was a happy balance to counter the angry side. Now its all anger and I am exhausted. Listening to this makes me rethink my ability to continue to cope without giving in and allowing myself be the victim. Maya Angelou said it best with her victim quote.

So glad I found this lady

By avoiding feelings we not only block bad we also block good as well. Such a shame.

1:11 - pure gold - I was having trouble empathizing until I heard this.

Your videos are so educational Stephanie. Thank you😃

great explanation of projection thanks

Amazing advice

Wow thank you for this video !!! Super helpful love

I am SO guilty of positive projection but really didn't have a name for it. I realize I am doing it but not very good at stopping myself. I need to learn those parenting tools you talk about. I'm so glad you addressed this! It is one of by biggest challenges. You and your videos are awesome. Thanks so much for caring and sharing!

Gratitude for your Healing Words: The new community that I arrived, has many controlling persons, with followers, so being new was verbal negatives, and I knew it wasn't my stuff, it was their background, not mine. Thank you for reminding me, for being aware of my negatives,(at times), and not react to the bullies. My way is Quality People, not Quantity, but be aware there all around me, so set boundaries:)

Projection and Mirroring got me into researching Psychology. Codependency, Narcissism and the study of "Epigenetics" changed my world.

Hideously unjust to be accused of the very behavior perpetrated against oneself that you have too much class to accuse the perpetrator of doing. It's hard to believe this is not a knowing methodical tactic to provoke a reaction . Principle to use would be intellect over emotion. Pass on certain battles and win the war. 🙂♥️🙏

Amazing! I had a friend who had been using the same tactic on me and it was very hurtful. Ur video helped me to develop a better insight about such people. Thank You!:)

Excellent video. Well explained.

Lyn, my marriage was a complete disaster and I couldn't understand why my husband hated me so much! P R O J E C T I O N ! Thanks for your clarity and commitment to helping us deal better with emotional abuse. Love you!

Your videos have helped me so much thank you for sharing !

Thank you, this video is exactly what I needed to hear.