OnlyCans: Thirst Date is now availavle for FREE on Steam! store.steampowered.com/app/417360/ #gaming_news LYRICS: VERSE 1 Hey guys, are your lips dry? Any desiccated ladies trying to get by? I know the best way for the girls and the boys to Come together and enjoy a little moisture So you’re waiting on the mate that’s one-a-million? And carbonation ain’t the way that you envisioned You say it’s strange but baby shed your inhibitions And let your date slip into something aluminium She’s elegant and eloquent and so effervescent Subtle bubbles in my stubble feeling ever so pleasant Never thought I’d find a girl with such a delicate essence Free with the meal deal at the delicatessen Saw you sittin’ in the fridge with a twinkle Are you a multipack can or are you single? A little of sipping and a spritz isn’t sinful I’m just finna get my finger in your ring pull CHORUS So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love And pick that fizzy little minx that you’ve been dreaming of If you’re cursed with the thirst of a lonely man You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans Every glamorous can has a heart to fill So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil Get lost in the froth as the foam expands Get your lovin’ whilst you’re gluggin’ on some OnlyCans VERSE 2 Now you’ve seen other paysite galleries But none of those girls taste like raspberries So if you think we’re just some obscene cannery All our cans are over eighteen calories So, give a spray for some flirtatious behaviour That come-hither hiss is what you came for We’ve been brewing up a plethora of flavours Say we’re crude, you can never say we’re tasteless So if you drink it straight or with a mixer Bring a mister or a missus home for dinner Everybody’s got a different fizzle in their spritzer What’s it matter what ingredients are on your sticker? I haven’t met you all, but it’s contextual You’re all impeccable if it’s consensual If you’re ace, demi, pan, flexible End of the day we are all can-sexual CHORUS So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love And pick that fizzy little minx that you’ve been dreaming of If you’re cursed with the thirst of a lonely man You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans Every glamorous can has a heart to fill So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil We can semi-guarantee that we won’t be banned Get your lovin’ whilst you’re gluggin’ on some OnlyCans VERSE 3 May be fizzy but I’ll spit a little candour Sure it’s sticky but we’ll lick the spillage after There’s only one app for tin-can philanderers Snapping what the can did with your candid camera Can a can cancan? Yes it can, all the cans in Cannes are Canuck cans in Canada, Manly cans in Canberra in canoes Grabbing noodles and canoodling with cans in Can Tho Mexican cans in Cancun, scandalously scantily clad in their scanties and decanting at you Camping with a Scandinavian can, under a canopy, alone in a canyon with your can boo Share a cannoli with Italian cans on the canals before a candlelit dance Then canter off to Canterbury for a canny romance, you better cancel your plans This Can-sonova can’t handle the demand Of Cantabrian cañ-oritas in cantinas with fans on the Canary Islands Strip canasta ‘til you’re down to your pants and your can-panion froths over your hand Damn, these Cantonese Shizes are your creamiest stans So go over to - Can-bodia, You can let the local flavour flow over you Getting down with the hard, round chromium Lovin’s never been so low-sodium Can looking like a snack? That’s a canape Can-paining like Barack? That’s a candidate Can sweet on your tongue? That’s a candy cane Can rocking them guns? That’s some cannonade Feel that can in your heart? That’s a cannula Can sends it’s regards? That’s a Canister Inquisitive can? That’s a canvasser Insensitive can? Cantankerous CHORUS So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love And pick that fizzy little minx that you’ve been dreaming of If you’re cursed with the thirst of a lonely man You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans Every glamorous can has a heart to fill So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil Hey, don’t touch, just hold the cam Get your lovin’ whilst you’re gluggin’ on some OnlyCans SPOKEN OUTRO: So download OnlyCans, the game for soda lovers! It’s got very high ratings! …Oh, oh sorry. No. It’s very ‘hydrating’, my mistake.

I feel he's just had this song on his computer for years and was just waiting for any excuse he could find to upload it without looking suspicious

"Im sorry in advance" *proceeds to make an absolute banger*

I’m a Vietnamese who has been listening to a hell ton of English musics, so the “grabbing noodles and canooding with Cans in Cần Thơ” hit me like a damn truck and left my jaw dropped 😭😭😭

"get your mind out of the gutters" The Stupendium has never sounded more british Edit: THE MAN HIMSELF RESPONDED :OOOOOO

i am speechless. i never thought id love a song about oversexualized soft drinks but here i am. but seriously this is just amazing i love it

Everyone: You can’t just make a song where all the rhymes are can Stupendium: What if I did so anyway

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been told to “get your mind out of the gutter” in reference to beverages in a Stupendium song about beverages, I’d have 2 nickels, which isn’t a lot but dang is it hilarious that it happened twice

The fact that this song manages to be so queer-positive and sex-positive, by shining light on not as talked about sexualities, spreading important messages about consent and bringing up how sex isn’t something to be ashamed of in any (consensual) form because everyone is different and that’s ok while also being a song about dead souls trapped in pornographic soda cans and being an absolute banger is so impressive. Props to the Stupendium, they’ve truly outdone themself

If this is a song about soft drinks and nothing else... ...does that mean it's a pop song?

Onlycans developers: this is impossible, we'll never find someone crazy enough to make music for our game! Stupendium's friend, lit by dramatic lighting: I know a guy

Loving how this attracted all the aroaces💀

the fact that this song about having *relations* with soda cans is also one of the most inclusive and beautiful love songs ever written is amazing

You took “sex sells” to a whole new level. Corporate would be proud

Did I really just enjoy a song about sexualized cans? Yes. Do I regret it? Hell no.

I mean Stupendium always has and interesting wordplay in his songs, but after 2:42 it's like a whole new level

I did not think this many can puns were possible in a single song while still going along the rythme and STILL RHYMING

"I'm very sorry you had to see that" "If you enjoyed the song, please get help" i have never been so offended by something i 100% agree with

The fact that this game is secretly about a guy trying to bring his son back to life via innocent souls trapped in soda cans makes this song feel a bit more sinister than intended.

*trying to impress a woman* "oh yeah im a huge fan of pop music" *Shows her this*

I actually went through with a pencil and paper and throughout the whole song (not inclunding any in the intro or outro or echoes at the end of some lines) you said the word *Can* 87 times! There's got to be some kind of award for this

Okay, how is it even PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE for somebody to be THIS good at puns?????? Did this dude make a deal with Satan or something to get this insane level of skill???? 😂

the pan-colored cans, the fancy outfits, the music, the puns, i love everything about this

As an asexual-panromantic femboy, this song is literally me trying to act sexy, the clear LGBT references, the pathetic excuses for innuendos, the cheesy puns, the stupid outfits and movements, everything is perfect. It's genuinely a banger, though! This is hands-down an asexual anthem.

"If you enjoyed the song, then please get help" Stups aint pulling any punches 💀

I counted them saying the word "can" no less than 87 times in this

I can't believe it took me my entire life until now to realize that every letter in LGBTQ stands for can-sexual.

THIS IS THE ASEXUAL THEME SONG. DESPITE ITS PURPOSE THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST SONGS IVE EVER HEARD IT IS AN ABSOLUTE BANGER DESPITE BEING 2 YEARS OLD

I just realized that "get your mind out of the gutter" is something Stupes says in their Milk Milk Lemonade song, which has over a hundred beverage puns- soft drinks included.

He flexes his vocabulary and his style of clothing. Only he can pull it off

Stupendium's search history: Locations that start with Can Words that start with Can Idioms and phrases that start with Can Can puns

Oh god… I fizzed everywhere..

Can't even cansider something like this to be canon to the Stupendium's cantinuation of a healthy community. Can you?

There are three things in this song that I love : 1. That beat 2. Mentioning the commonly forgot about sexualities (bout time for me to see something with pan in it!) 3. Not mentioning the fact that the cans strait up have souls in them and there is a flesh can with the soul of the CEOs son.

“say we’re crude you can never say we’re tasteless” is a CRIMINALLY underrated line

I'm not saying this song is something I listen to often, but its hard to be sad when listening to a song about sexy soda cans.

as an aroace person who doesn’t drink carbonated drinks, I’ve been listening to this for days on end. thank you for this song stupendium

Someone had to paint a bunch of cans that they then had to dress up in ties, bows and garters for this. If it wasn't Stupendium Man himself, I wonder what poor soul had to do that.

why is it that a song about sexualizing soft drinks is better than half the stuff on the radio

this song came on my playlist while i was drinking a can of soda and i don't know if that made listening to this better or worse

this song is so pansexual i love it. the text, the feathery looking things, the cans, the "what's it matter what ingredients are on your sticker?" lyric I'm dead. i love this song. its so wonderfully queer and sex positive and its SUCH A GOOD THEME SONG GOD I NEED TO PLAY THIS GAME.

This was advertised as a completely normal song and I was not disappointed! Totally not romantic and it’s a just song about soda pop :)

This proves that Stupendium is so talented that he CAN make a song out of anything . This was Soda-lightful.

idk how to explain, but the way you sing this and the way you present yourself in this video and just everything? Gender. I am obsessed

As an asexual person this song fills me with so much happiness. Thank you stupes!!!

My name is permanently on this? I regret many life decisions, this is not one of them. Great song as always.

If you look up "banger" in the dictionary, this song is listed

This may just be the most lyrically clever song I've ever heard

Therapist: Pimpendium isn't real. He can't hurt you. Pimpendium:

IF A SONG ABOUT CANS CAN RESPECT CONSENT AND LGBTQ, THEN YOU CAN

Such vo-can-ulary.

quite literally the best stupendium song

If I had a nickel for every time the Stupendium made a song about beverages and told me to get my mind out of the gutter, I'd have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird it happened twice.

"What's your favorite song?" "It's... complicated. But awesome."

I love this song an unhealthy amount, the can puns, the pansexual colours, the lyrics.. just everything about this is perfect.

I listen to this song almost every day and I’m still not tired of it, but again, I never get tired of Stupes’ songs…

Imagine sitting down and seeing an email from your friend. It says "Hey man, you make really good game-themed songs! I'm working on a game can you make one for my game?" So you're like, "Alright bet. Send the game and I'll see what I can do!" And "soda can fetish the game" is what they send...

Am i the only one who wants to hear him make a song for Papers please?

This song has unironically become one of my comfort songs and I don't know how to feel about that

It's been 2 damn year and i'm still amazed by this masterpiece

"I'm very sorry you had to see that" "If you enjoyed the song, please get help" Never have I heard such lies

Pimp Stupendium isn't real, he can't hurt you. Pimp Stupendium:

Had a friend show me this out of nowhere a day ago. This is way better than I expected it to be and I now have new music to listen to. Thanks for making a song about JUST SODA AND NOTHING ELSE so good.

"If you liked this song, get help" fair, but you don't gotta call me out like that

“Call us crude, you can never say we’re tasteless.” This man. is a GODDAMN. LYRICAL. GENIUS!!

I think Stupendium is the only person who can say he's made a song around the subject of falling in love with cans

Now this. is a kind of ad i would never skip

I loved this game. I S-tiered everyone of those flirty cans with a big smile on my face the whole time and this music video during the credits was the greatest reward anyone could ask for. I have lost count how many times I have watched it and I can say with the utmost confidence that I am most definitely a Can-Sexual.

"If you enjoyed the song, please get help." I'm afraid there's no cure for good taste.

this is one of the most incredible things i have ever seen in my life

I aspire to have this level of songwriting talent someday. Seriously, people should take notes from this song about cans and absolutely nothing else

My 62 year old dad absolutely loves this song and thinks of it as a s*x song about men and women. And whenever and I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME, I try and explain to him that this song is about a game where you sexualize cans he just brushes it off and calls me an idiot-

Now I'm just amused by the idea of them doing all this dancing in an empty, silent room in front of a green screen

As an ace person I’m literally crying, we never get representation, especially in these types of songs I love it

Sir I do not think you understand This song has me in an ABSOLUTE chokehold It’s too good. You’re a lyrical genius and every listen is better than the last. You’re my favorite musician.

This feels sort of like a commercial for a little bit but without any specific branding for a soda, just the generic idea of soda, and It's a little uncanny and I like it.

Fun fact: the word "can" is said 90 times throughout this song, and only 19 of those times are not in the 3rd verse.

I have a feeling OnlyCans is going to turn into a massive meme within the next couple of months

Talk about genderfluid AM I RIGHT!?

Kind of random but i keep thinking of "Cabinet man" when listening to this song. The story of Cabinet man is that there's a man who get's stuck in an arcade video game and with this i imagine a man who got stuck in a vending machine and who makes concoction and drinks for people while hiding in the machine.

From Twitter we were promised a totally normal song with nothing to worry about. I consider this to be a promise fulfilled. ;P Amazing.

Yesterday i found this song on Spotify. I never noticed it was a song about sexualized cans...holy hell. I love this.

GameTheory/MatPat: *Makes theory about the game about a can full of human souls* Stupendium: *Makes a VERY VERY Zesty song*

Two years later and no-one has topped this present for me, I don't think they ever will. Love you lots, friend

I swear this guy could write a song about "General Relativity" and it would somehow turn out to be another banger.

Stupendium can literally make a song about anything and make it good. Like, just give him a piece of a brick wall and he can make a song about crumbling society or something.

Im a drag king whose name is Sodapop. How do I NOT perform this? 😂

I've not been feeling great this put a smile on my face :D

I swear Stupendium has an outfit for everything

Oh man, as an asexual with a soda addiction this was actually all I needed in life. I've been playing this song on repeat for weeks!

I keep coming back to this because it's just so... tasteful.

heard this song before i even knew what onlycans was and had it in my playlist for ages because its unironically a banger

“Can you make a song about sexy cans?” “I Don’t Know *CAN* I?”

"Can a can cancan? Yes it can, all the cans in Cannes are Canuck cans in Canada, Manly cans in Canberra in canoes Grabbing noodles and canoodling with cans in Can Tho Mexican cans in Cancun, scandalously scantily clad in their scanties and decanting at you" Damn, Stup, you keep surprising me with your lyrical genious. Best Patreon by far.

Vending machine of love: Febreary 2021 Stupes coming out as pan: May 2021 On a totally unrelated note The cans in the background Pink Yellow Cyan. "Bring a mister or a missus home for dinner Everybody’s got a different fizzle in their spritzer What’s it matter what ingredients are on your sticker?" "If youre ace, demi, Pan, flexible"

“Hey I’m making a silly little game about romantic sodas, think you could make a little jingle for the title screen for me? Nothing too crazy” Stupendium: *focused thinking of over 100 can puns* “yea I think I can make something”

“...if you’re ace, demi, pan...” please you have no idea how happy this made me i’m demi and we get NO REP :

This might sound dumb but this gives me gender

This song has been played nearly every day since I discovered it... And it's not often that I Can say I love a good Pop song.

I don't know what's better, Stupendium's vocabulary or his outfit