❤🙏

Don’t buy it. These are people who are extremely rigid and actually seek attention and want everyone to witness their suffering. They are total narcissistic victims of their own making. The people who suffer most are those who foolishly attempt to “help” the hoarder. I have no compassion for hoarders and know more than one! I have total compassion for family and friends of hoarders because there is absolutely nothing they can do about the conditions their loved one has insisted on living with and who are usually making it worse by the day. Don’t let these willful people off the hook-the one thing they need to do is be confronted by a professional not given every comfort. Take responsibility and get down off the cross you mailed yourself to. Life is short. Be responsible. Everyone has trauma. Everyone.

​@@r8chlletterspeople like you are the reason hoarders (and a lot of mentally ill people) are where they are. I was raised (and traumatized) by a narcissistic father and in-between my griefing and processing my trauma I still try to understand him and even be empathic when I have the resources to do so. Just judging and labeling people doesn't help anyone

​@@r8chllettersYou know "more than one" yet can confidently assert that millions of people are this myopic description that you've given? Okay, vent your spleen about how awful your experiences were with the ones you know, but why go on to adamantly claim that "these people are" all the crap that you said that's so much assumption? Whether you accept it or not, hoarding disorder is a legitimate and complex psychiatric disorder that can be genetic and involves cognitive impairments that people can't just willingly snap out of to stop it impacting others and themselves. For a percentage of people part of the illness itself can be a partial or complete lack of insight that they have a problem, that's a brain function issue, not willfullness. Just as inaccurate is that "these people actually seek attention and want everyone to witness their suffering, and that they are total narcissistic victims of their own making". Utter bs, so many people hide their situation and are afraid to get help because of shame and attitudes such as your comment. Yes, many people with hoarding disorder or related issues can also have other disorders and traits just like the rest of the population, including narcissism, but a blanket statement that hoarders are narcissistic and seek attention and want witnesses is completely incorrect. It's also incorrect that there's nothing that family or friends or can do. There is help and there are treatments that can be effective, and harm reduction strategies that can be tried even where insight is poor. It's an illness, there's no hook someone needs to be let off. Confrontation is also one of the worst ways to go about it. Not given any comfort? Again, mental illness. You can't punish, shun, shame or bully someone out of being mentally ill and having executive function problems. It's not a personal failing, it's literally processing dysfunctions in the way a person's brain works. Would you say these things about someone with schizophrenia, or something like autism or epilepsy? Would you try and badger someone out of having dementia symptoms because they were behaving badly? Or perhaps we shouldn't "buy into" those either? "Take responsibility and get down off the cross you nailed yourself to", because someone expresses insight and empathy for something you don't understand? What a disgusting thing to say. And no, not everyone has trauma or to the same degree of experience or has the same responses as other people. I don't expect any of this to matter to you, it's here so that an opinion on some people isn't left as standing as if it's absolute fact about an entire group of people.

@@r8chllettersthank you saying and having the words to express what I am so fed up of I can’t even find the words anymore. I couldn’t agree more and you have it nailed. Just watch a couple seasons of Hoarders and you’ll see how they treat their kids like absolute shit and their attitudes are extremely narcissistic. It was sobering for me watching that show to finally “get it.” I for one have close to no relationship anymore with my parent and it’s broken my heart. It is nothing but rage and insults over absolute garbage. Meanwhile I watch other mothers sob how much they love and appreciate their children. Im my personal opinion if this was pre-1960 she would very well be committed since she doesn’t want to admit she has a serious safety and serious mental problem.

You nailed it! Most people, even if they have good intentions, do NOT have the slightest idea of what a hoarder went through in his earlier life. It is really a problem from within, to begin with. And you are so damn right when you mentioned about 'emotional trauma'. Thank you for sharing your insightful knowledge.

My friend is the same way. If you mention it she will stop talking. She is now in big trouble with animals. She has excuses and blames others. This is so sad.

Keep the faith..Tough Love.Remind her that she's a slob and to stop it. haha

Separated husband is the same.

@@cathygoltsoff9615yup. My brother had a cat just over 4 years that was dying from terrible hygiene and being over fed. Saddest shit ever and he was saying he got the cat that way with dingleberries and all the health problems. Just have to clean clean clean and be patient.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that ❤

So glad that you found your own private space and that you feel safe in it! God bless you!!

May i ask when did you leave your childhood house ? I have the same problem and still live at home...

Hey i have the same issues with my mom, grew up just likd you. She also keeps empty trash containers like toothpaste tubes for no sane reason. If you want to talk i am here.

It's a mental disorder, you can't focus on the clutter, the symptom, to adjust the problem. The mom needs professional help, family support is good, but you guys are not therapists, you can just expect people to treat deep depression on their own, as it's idealistic to treat your mom as someone capable of handling her deep disorder on her own. All you can try is to make an agreement of the mom seeing a therapist, even in the house or she will have to face the autorithies since every hoarder house is a fire hazard. It's the help you can provide.

There is probably a reason...something that carried over from your mum's childhood. Sadness due to loss, loneliness, never socio-economic insecurity? My very agile sister had a busy career and then had a bad horseback riding accident in her late 30s, which left her quite handicapped. She had a long term relationship that fell apart and then I think she felt like "who'd want me with a smashed hip." She started hoarding, I think, as a way of coping with her pain (she was in medicine and refused to take painkillers because of the rise in addiction) and then came the loss of our dad. Even though he'd lived a long life, I remember her not taking it well; she never moved past it. After our mum died, and 3 of us tried sorting through our parents house in 2019, she did not want to donate anything. Things that had been earmarked for others, she was upset that she couldn't keep those things too. We used a dumpster to clean out my father's garage (he had hoarding tendencies also) and she would clamber up into the dumpster (with her bad leg) and pick thru what my other sis and I had discarded. She would pick thru donation piles...and remove 80 percent to the trunk of her packed car. She was visibly upset, but would try to conceal how angry she was. She died during the pandemic. Her house, which had once been so beautiful (she had marvelous taste in antiques and art) was a mess. She'd banned us (her sisters) from entering for many years....her "sanity" was reserved for outside the house - for neighbors, acquaintances, and former colleagues...people she could hold at arm's length. (we realized after her death, that she never let anyone get too close.....what did that mean??) The inside of her home was her insanity. Anyway, I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. It's hard to cope with a loved-one who is not functional (and who loves you more than your mother?) That's painful. I will never be over what happened with my sister - getting thrown from a horse, the mental breakdown, the loneliness and isolation. Four years after her death, was there more I could have done? If she were living today (I'm 3,000 miles away) I would just make sure she knew how much I loved her. That's ALL you can do for your mother. DOn't harp, don't plead, don't threaten...just put in writing how much you love her.

😊😊😊😊

I’m project hoarder sold some items from cluttered big shed $500. Now gathering things for ebay will list at great discount buyer pays shipping .

Been through this and it's horrible. Heaps of valuable stuff mixed with literal trash. Watching family simply fighting over stuff they think they can sell is gut wrenching 😢

It all went into 2dozen large construction trash bins. We could have thrown away the original Magna Carta and not known. The volume of stuff was just too vast to sort through. Lesson learned. You can imagine what the cost of those bins were.

You might want to look in to the housing laws in your area regarding what rights and responsibilities that both landlords and tenants have when it comes to an issue like this.

Further proof that this behaviour is a mental/emotional health problem.

I’m not cleaning my room i’m watching this video 🤣 . I’m 3/4 hoarder heavy clutter for many years . many boxes of stuff project items and hobbies . Decided to catalog everything in categories and match on ebay to locate a seller local to sell to for fraction of what’s on ebay . I feel guilty to java a vacation and get away progress slow . Don’t feel i’m a hoarder but have discomfort . Ideal is to decrease about 150 to 200 boxes of stuff in 2 sheds and enclosed patio room .

Children of hoarder have trauma with stuff, we always try tidying stuff, but sometimes if we dont have organize skill then we will have half-part tidy and half-part mess Messy place trigger our trauma and discomfort and maybe shame I do recommend read book Marie Kondo, it's really help me throw stuff Some stuff is precious being kept and some that not, give away Empty space like minimalistic idea is impossible and feel too cold and have no personality

Photos on phone or tablet then to several micro SD . Also to thumb drive to take to Walmart and make a photo album .

Relearning ou learning organizing skills is helpful, even that they are not a therapist. The clutter exists, even that is a symptom, still needs to be adressed and dealt with.

My mother was a hoarder. Her obsession with stuff killed our relationship. She cared more about her stuff than her family. She died alone and all that stuff was thrown in the trash. That hoard likely killed her because she had a really bad mice problem and rotten food all over the house. My advice is to treasure the person/people in your life that you care about. Keep in contact every week, build memories. Being a hoarder is self isolating. I didn't even cry when my mother died. We didn't have a relationship, when I was a child or as an adult. I'm more sad that it was never better and thinking about everything that was missing.

I hear you! I have lots of unorganized objects, my husband comes from a family of horders, he projects his pain on me and wants to throw away my "precious" belongings! We argue a lot about him only touching/cleaning out his belongings only...

Contact a therapist and personal organizer. Life doesn't need to be suffering.

How old are you? Maybe it's time you get out of your parents' house.

It's me lol. I'm the opposite of my mom, uncle and grandpa who all have histories of hoarding. I want to purge stuff all the time. I have trouble focusing or enjoying myself if there are chores to be done. Even taking a break from cleaning when I really get into it stresses me out because I want to keep going until I'm done. I'm pretty sure I'm developing OCD around objects and cleaning.

@@MadisonEstes ahhh me too. My mom and her family (my grandparent, uncles, aunts) have histories of hoarding too. Now i can't stop cleaning and organizing even when people say my place is clean. That's why i wonder if that case is possible.

When a person has been severely traumatized, they have little sense of self or confidence. The pain is too great.

A lot of people fear not existing. It's possibly a coping mechanism for fear of death.

Our presence here does not matter when we’re gone. The less we leave the better. See Swedish death Cleansing rituals.

Where did you get your medical degree?

Ignore the "legitimate mental illness".... no, its jist a character flaw.

Why do you push your embittered opinion as if it's fact? It's 2023, and you've got access to a wealth of information.

@@kg6801 firsthand experience. Many people dealing with a hoarder in their midst work very hard to do the right thing and think they have failed when ultimately their relationship is in tatters and the hoarder keeps insisting on doing what they do. It’s not a failure on the part of the people around the hoarder, trying to help an obvious out of control problem. Someone needs to speak up on their behalf, something really missing in these shows. If you talk to anyone in the mental health profession adding hoarding to the DSM was not unanimous at all. It had been refused for many years for a reason. These people suffer from NPD usually with some OCD features but ultimately they are just very selfish, sado-masochistic people. Their living conditions are a rant against everyone and everything that didn’t go right for them. They are blaming, selfish and rigid people bent on harming everyone and often completely innocent people (elderly parents or small children) and animals. It’s disgusting and we need to call it out honestly for what it is. If you have a hoarder in your family best just remove yourself. Rescue anyone under their control including any animals (animal control will be glad to take them away). If you have power of attorney move them out to a very small apartment or a living facility where they cannot create a sizeable problem any more. Enough said.

I have many project items duplicate camping supplies electrical supplies vintage electronic games and the list goes on to about 150 small home depot boxes . Clutter but clean home. Happy retired active have a extremely neat clean . But have too much clutter in my home . Nobody visits me because I visit them or not a entraining person like we see on TV people showing off their home on youtube or TickTock . Might do that in a few weeks there is a light brown bear always in the parking lot or the yards at my vacation home . I can take videos . Often see them with cubs when i’m on the deck looming at the snow covered mountains .