The observation that "no amount of mental activity will solve the problem" finally landed for me during this video. I constantly keep cycling back to looking for the answer that will alleviate the stress and anxiety of not feeling right in my body and in my life. "It requires medical intervention" is a lightning bolt that makes me feel more alive and ready to end the relentless and useless mental processing. Thank you Dr. Z!

I am the mom of a 20 year old transgender woman. Your videos have been so helpful to me. I knew very little about trans people before she came out, and you do a great job explaining the various aspects of gender identity, transition, etc. I realized recently that I'm existing rather than living due to a long standing issue in my life, so I really related to this video. Thank you for all you do!

I certainly was moving on autopilot before transition. My GD is still massive. In fact, dealing with it takes up a large part of my day. Vocal exercises, when and what I eat, working out, hair, makeup, clothes, you get the point. Then there is therapy,, support group, medical visits to 4 different types of physicians, and trips to the pharmacy. Sometimes I feel like my life revolves around GD, but I am certainly not on autopilot any longer.

yep, definitely. late teens/early 20's I kind of just started giving up on just about everything and floated through life without direction, without caring what next year might bring, and in the words of an old MC Chris tune "take naps and wait patiently for death". the number of things I just didn't care about grew until it also enveloped my family and then i finally went into therapy. dealing with my GD has brought its own obstacles, but they are nothing like how I felt before so for me it's been a net positive.

I can absolutely relate to everything in this. I didn't realize what was the "noise" in my life until I was 42. It caused me issues in all facets of my life from school, relationships, my own self growth and my career growth. I had no patience with people around me and I was highly irritated at all things. I had a bad temper. I was not a good spouse at all. I was emotionally abusive. I didn't want to be. But deep down I knew something was wrong and I didn't know what it was. It was always there. But once it clicked that feeling and "static" was gone. It was like I saw colors for the first time. Things I struggled to do before came easier, I found success in many things finally as I transitioned. Today. I am happy and successful. I am no longer that miserable tortured person. I am living.

I've been going through dissociation for a long time. My coping mechanisms were absolutely not healthy and only made my issues worse.

I very much experienced this. I felt it like static in my nerves and pain. 48 hours on Testosterone and my fibromyalgia was gone. Fatigue, greatly improved. I numbed through food and sex and cannabis. I’m still learning to live.

As someone who came out and started hormones at 41, this hits me. I merely existed my whole adult life, and emotionally dissociated to the point I genuinely believed I had no emotions.

Hi Dr Z, As an older transgender woman socially transitioning at age 61 I would say I've experienced and see in myself the things you describe here. Including the comments from others about me over time as well as in the present and being my more authentic self. I would say the current trend(?) to emphasize mindfulness and being in the moment is something I've had to learn over time. I think there is more to it than 'background static noise in you head'. For me, it was a complicated filter that reviewed incoming comments and interactions with others as well as a complicated filter to limit and verify I did not expose my authentic self in any way, shape, or form to those I interacted with. It became something that kept me out of the moment just based on sheer need to process before responding or interacting with others. If I appeared slow or thoughtful it was probably me stuck in my filters making sure I stayed stealth as a 'passing as male' transgender woman. I think trans folks are not the only one's with these issues you described. Many people who find themselves married with kids and working one or more jobs are also prone to disassociation and a 'background static noise in their heads' for those unexpressed or unexplored parts of themselves as they meet their daily needs and the needs of those around them. Trying to do all that while dealing with gender dysphoria? Been there, done that and it wasn't fun. Numb at times? Yes many times, but having a loving, supporting partner who knows my authentic self helps and this may have been the key thing what helped me through it all without turning to alcohol, drugs, or running away from my life screaming. In that sense, I feel fortunate. Hugs! Christie

You really describe my feelings. This is exactly what my life has been like. I have been on hormones for 9 months and the light is starting to show up at the end of the tunnel. These videos have saved my life. Thank you Dr. Z. Greetings from the Arctic Circle in Finland

Upu are absolutely right. I'm 55 this month and I left it so long. I really believed it would go away; the it being me the female. What u found is you become tormented , but you carry on...you have breakdown after breakdown. At school I could never listen to anything, I was somewhere else. I tried to transition in 2000. But I ended up due to fear in a locked ward for trying to kill myself. When I got sober I was even more afraid. And in 2014 I finally gave up fighting the very core of who I am. It was exciting and euphoric. Now I feel as though I'm existing again. As a young woman. Waiting, not even on the first rung of maslows ladder. I have destroyed myself by repressing myself. My life is ruined, all I can focus on is surgery. I do play many instruments I taught myself. And music is one thing that I can escape into. I often wonder if I was born with correct biology how my life would have been so different. I wish I could turn the clock back, but society in 70s/80s was awful. Now those of upu are young, think about what I have said...Dr Z is absolutely right. I've become so accustomed to existing it's brought with it not only serious mental problem and alcoholism, but physical conditions. Of course I'm luck to have experienced some joy. But the neurone pathways become harder to break the longer upu leave it. I live a lie to others but more importantly to myself. Your unconcious mind knows who you are, and when ypu think you have relief from dysphoria, your sub conscious is still suffering, this is my experience. But I know many others who have shared similar. Thank a video like this gives hope. Especially if you're young. People do support, and I used to think no one will ever love me, but this is just a delusion. Because ypu can never love and be yourself. You just create more and more fear, panic. Isolation...you will be surprised how many people will love you, keep with those people. They are your friends 💜

I wish I had been told this in my youth. There is SOOO much truth here. I just didn’t realize how bad dysphoria was for a long time. I’m still working on stopping dissociation habits after decades. The piloting a robot feeling really hits home.

Wow, I feel so called out, that’s exactly how I‘m feeling. Unfortunately I’m still stuck in freeze mode after coming out a few month ago because not being present and just existing has become my comfort zone.

I was doing pretty well for most of my life just being "tomboyish." It wasn't until I became a mother and took on the mother role that my mental health declined. I am in my 40s and have just discovered that I am nonbinary. I know the stress of being a parent is part of the situation, but I am now wondering how much is dysphoria.

Is there a way to double like a video. This is spot on. The back of my mind just keeps working and I was just telling my wife 2 days ago how it feels like it's like an overheating computer that's constantly thinking but I don't even know about what. It's just occupied with noise. Thank you for this video

Hi Dr. Z! Thank you for making these videos!!! In summary, I'd say my behavior can be categorized as autopilot. I was almost always in my head and I didn't know what it means to be present. I was very close to dismissing 'be in the present' as some sort of fake feel-good phrases by gurus and 'woke' people. But to say I was just on autopilot doesn't fully encapsulate my own experiences. How I experience my life was... like you said, a robot. Because I was manually controlling every movement that I make, every word that I speak, every reaction that I give. Almost everything was calculated, planned out in my head before executing those movements in the real world. Before I realized this was related to gender dysphoria, I seriously questioned myself if I was a psychopath or a sociopath. I kept looking up the signs of being psycho/sociopath, and while there were some signs that I identified with, it never felt quite right. For one, I know I can care about others, have high empathy, and I was also vegan for animal's well-being. But... then why was I always in my head and planning everything out, feeling like I don't belong in this world, and never, never able to connect with almost anyone? Why do I feel like I always have a mask on? Why do I always switch on a persona before I leave my front door, which has become an unconscious thing after so many years of practice? I've come to realize that now. I planned everything that I say or do before doing them in the real world because I've often been teased about being feminine, or girly, or being gay since young, due to how I behaved or spoke. It was instilled in me that certain ways I behaved was not acceptable and were criteria for being bullied. So I 'man up'. I was really, really good at it too. I emulated how popular guys spoke and acted, imitating their behaviors, even adopted their mindsets. And like an Oscar actor, I played my role so well for so many years that I forgot I started out by playing a role. It was method acting at its finest. And I wondered why I felt like an empty shell.

Thank you Dr. Z! You are amazing! I started a few months ago questioning my gender and found you channel. You have been truly a life saver. Your video fits me to a tee, throwing myself into my work, returning to college in my mid 50's, taking on major home projects, and anything else to occupy my mind. Your video hit all the marks, right down to the disassociation during sex. I've denied and hidden my feelings for way, way too long (I'm 64 years old). I'm planning on starting therapy with a gender therapist here in the Northeast at the end of September. Thank you so very much for all the great work you do!

I have a question: Being social and interacting with people was exhausting really fast. I thought I was just an introvert and can’t handle being around people for a long time. When I transitioned, that stopped and I actually gain energy from being around people. Is this related to the autopilot thing / not living but just existing?

You nailed my life Dr. Z. I am 69 and finally accepted myself and started HRT and coming out 1-1/2 years ago and you comments here are right on the money.

I have been on autopilot with most of my life. I have grown so tired of performing my assigned gender, that I have been mostly self isolating for the last 5 years. I have been just playing video games, sometimes even 16 hours a day. Just to survive the day till I can go to sleep. This spring (after a really, really dark and terrible winter)I decided that I have absolutely nothing to lose anymore (I am 41, divorced, no kids), so if i don't change things now, I don't want to exist anymore. It was 2 weeks of anxiety, but then I finally came out to everyone. I have noticed, that my interests of gaming have diminished really much, but I still hop on games every day, bc of the habit I had for so many years. I don't really know how to break this habit, now that I feel like I don't need this crutch anymore. I have been on isolation, so my social circle is super small, and my family lives far away. Hopefully I can get on T in few months and I am really interested in weight lifting, but leaving the home feels a bit daunting.

I was living like that for 47 years of my life today I have changed to fixing that problem with HRT 5 months and I filing so happy! Thanks for your video's, you helped to take the desicion of change!

The “white noise” you speak of, for me, was millions of thoughts racing through my head 24/7. Distancing and dissociation began around the age of 12 or 13 (I’m 34 now). For a long time I was just going to work and coming home. Just the thought of doing more than that was absolutely exhausting. I tried running and weight training but it was already difficult enough to get myself out of the house to do anything and the moment an exercise made the GD worse I would stop exercising and isolate myself even more. For about the last 5 years I have been hyper focusing on fixing/restorative projects. It took maybe 2 years to realize each project was a metaphor for myself. After I started taking an antidepressant and anxiety medication I was finally able to truly focus on the real issue; Gender Dysphoria. Early this year I was finally able to begin taking steps toward transitioning. Since the day I began taking those steps I have been able to exercise with some consistency and I have been able to get back into hobbies/activities for the interest and not as a metaphor of fixing myself or preoccupying myself through life.

I’ve never felt more connected to an explanation. Lately I’ve been numb to my body and my life. I can feel myself pull away. I used to have bad dysphoria because I was so invested in my life and my future. I felt present and so that was something weighing on me. Now, I’ve been existing. It’s been getting worse. I feel stuck, hopeless, worthless, and unable to live and attach to people because I would rather be distancing away to isolation and be invested more in the digital world as an escape rather than my real life and people. Im numb to my future and my prospects. I no longer have a vision or hope for the world. I don’t respect myself or the vision others have for me. I’m at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been in my life and I feel myself reverting in emotional maturity and I’m only 19. It’s been so hard. I have no motivation to do anything except use a defense mechanism of distance and avoidance. Thank you sharing you words. And I hope anyone who reads this- you’re not alone.

Dr Z, thank you for what you do. I’m 51 and I’ve been living my life like this since I went through puberty. What a tough time. You’ve helped me discover what my life has been about. Through you I’ve been able to admit to everyone I know that I am a woman. I’ve known since I was seven years old. You’ve given me the knowledge and understanding of this. For several years I’ve tried to cover it up. No more!!!

i also still struggle with this, but i love how you mentioned external reactions. although i didn't feel the type of relief i was expecting when i acknowledged my journey, almost immediately colleagues and friends started to mention how happy and relaxed i seemed. totally unprompted comments i couldn't see from my personal perspective, but made a huge difference to how supportive people around me felt that shift from existing to living. although i continue struggle to find consistency in my personal perspective and sense of value while working through my internalized transphobia, people feel a difference in how i connect with them and how i connect with situations, and that's been amazing. my chosen name is one of joy, and i truly love that others see this within me even when i question myself. every day is a challenge being early in the process, but the deeply engrained internalized judge is moving aside, and i'm proud of the risk and work i've done. thank you for the reminder, dr. z! :)

This has been a feeling I've had for such a large majority of my life. Thank you, for making all these videos and helping us all understand better. Felt like I was in a limbo about all this until I came across your channel.

When started transitioned, my life opened up, one of the most striking comments, from people who remained friends, said that before it was as if I had been trapped in some horrible prison, while others said that I was a completely different person, who was my present, focused, holding my head high, and speaking clearly. and yes, I knew from an early age. transitioning as an adult, and yes many of the issues you described in different videos are experienced - Thank you for your support, it's wonderful to see someone who is sharing accurate information. I within the last few months started attending a support group, not because I need direct support but because I can offer support. this is where I learned about you.

Thank you Dr Z, another great video,and again you are reading me like a magazine, it just reifirms how I'm feeling about myself and what's going on in my life

"gender dysphoria is not a mental problem" is so key to explaining this to other people especially cisgender people. I'm so glad I found this channel

I literally would pretend to be a robot back when I was in grade school. I've spent my life creating narratives to avoid this exact topic. Thank you for providing this information. So helpful!

Unfortunately, all these are sound familiar... I did everything in order to avoid thinking it for many years.. Result I was exaggerating in the working hours, studying or recreational activities. It was very exhausted. Also, I became extremely cynic, pessimistic and lived in auto pilot. Until today I have serious problems to focus in present, connect with people and of course sexual interaction is almost out of the deal. This because I lost my interest, I feel only romantic attraction and any other contact makes my feel uncomfortable, valnurable and anxious. So I guess yes it's nice to adapt but better to solve the problems.

Recently found your channel and have been marathoning your videos. It's chilling how completely you can get in my head and describe things I wasn't even aware that I was feeling. Thank you for clarifying my feelings for me

Thanks, explains so much

I very much felt like a video game character most of my life, as if there was someone else controlling me and getting me through life. I filled my time with anything possible to avoid the lingering feelings that crept up when I was alone with my thoughts. I wasn't at a place to deal with it yet, and now that I am to process feels slow. A slow process is better than no process, and despite being afraid of what is to come I feel more like I want to be here to see it than ever before.

I fully came out 47;I'm now 52 and it's so true about the brain. Just being there existing is parallels. I know I felt this for so long.

Great vid and this is what i did for almost 40 years but I finally started my transition MtF in october 2019. I never though i'd be able to do it but have come out to family, friends and over 1000 customers ( self employed window cleaner ) who have been amazingly supportive and understanding. I rejoined my local Squash & Rackectball club in August this year and have been made very welcome.

This was so relatable. I think you described perfectly what I was going through before I started my transition. For example, I’d be watching a KZfaq video and someone would say something that was supposed to be funny that pissed me off. So I’d notice that and think, why did that make me so mad? Then I came to realize that it was because I took it personally, as an offense to my femininity. Really, it was that realization that triggered the epiphany that I should take steps to start my transition. Thank You, once again, for helping things make sense!

Thank you so much for making this video it helps a lot. I’ve waited way too long 53 years. Enough is enough!!

Oh my goodness this video hits my heart! I take photos of random things through out my day. It's too much work for me to write a journal, but easy to snap a photo here and there. I am glad that I do this because sometimes I am so disassociated that I can think back on my life over the last 10+ years and have no memory of any of it. But I can look back at the photos, especially since phones got cameras on them, and I can see what I was doing and remember that yes I was at least doing something. So I look back and try to see what it was that I was doing that made me happy, that I enjoyed, and also the things that I was doing to just pretend to be a boy, to pretend to live. Now I try to focus my energy on doing more of what actually made me happy, and not what I was doing because it was what was expected of me because I was supposed to be a boy. I have toggled back and forth so long and so often, sometimes multiple times a day, that I have to really stop and think and feel and try to figure out what it is that I really enjoy, what I really want out of life. I live in a certain province in Canada that makes it quite difficult to get an appointment with a psychologist that can help with gender issues, let alone receive any hormone therapy, so it's been wonderful to have Dr. Z and her videos. They have helped me and my wife so very much! I can't thank you enough!

Oh my god, everything you've said in this video applied to me. I have been describing my past life as "existing" for many months now - from the age of 12-52 I lived in a world of trauma, confusion, & severe depression. I used to blame my "existing" on enduring trauma I endured from the start of puberty. My being transgender explained so much pain and confusion that I had in my life. Now that I'm living authentically, I'm finally learning to live and love life - what an truly amazing thing.

It is insane how she nailed absolutely everything.

Thank you Dr. Z for this video. You worded everything perfectly and exactly how I have been feeling. It’s very helpful having this to share with friends and family to help them understand better, as I have a hard time putting it in the right words. Thanks.

This is so helpful. I have been dealing with this for over 70 + years. I had no idea that something was wrong. It came out as OCD. I now know I’m a transgender woman and at 80 years old

Every video you speak so many truths. Im literally crying rn. Thanks for bringing this forward

Very helpful, thank you

Powerful. The thing about freeing up space and disassociation, autopilot. You hit the soot!

This 1000%. I have lived my whole life with this "white noise" in the back of my head and the dissociation is paralyzing. Wish I had realized this earlier in my life.

I needed to hear this.

You have said this is about me ! Right on the nail head !!

I was in denial for so long, but I developed an eating disorder and I just couldn’t ignore it anymore

Well you have my ear, as I am just trying to understand what what son needs from me and all these comments in hear got me all teary eyed. Thanks for this and I will check your other video to see if you elaborate or can elaborate more on what you mean by “dealing with”?

I have watched a lot of your videos and have commented on a lot of them. I turned 60 years old and have suppressed who I really all of that time. Seeing this video it represented all the issues I have dealt with all these years. Not living just existing. I have started transitioning. I have released the part of me who I kept suppressed and am taking the time to get to know the real me. My transition has had to change. I can't have estrogen because of health. I can't go back, I won't be a boy, I am ALWAYS FEMALE! I don't know where my journey leads but I'm finally on the right path. NEVER EVER GOING! I AM FINALLY ME 😁. HI EVERYONE I'M ROBI

Thank you. So true for most of my 70 years. So much energy dissipated. Such a deeply clever mind devoted to avoidance, shame and fear. Attacking my body and being with poor exercise and diet, sugar & carbs resulting in diabetes, self abuse and mindless masturbation, logically controlling every action of my life, fear of responsibility, channeling my early interest in wearing women's clothes into sexual arousal but still avoiding my femininity, terrified of relationships but desperately craving intimacy. The list goes on, but with an inner drive now to at least let my femininity emerge. So regardless of what I do now, I am discovering who I really am, learning to love, accept and care for myself (and others hopefully) as well and truly deep habits get exposed and die, only to be reborn in this life. Work in progress. My logical controlling mind slowly lets go and hasn't a clue what is coming.

One of your best videos, this one really hits home 🧡

Excellent summary and I would say I lived that example of what exactly you where saying especially with respect to habituated dissociation. Unwinding that for me was quite the task for myself and very happy to have addressed it. The blessing of doing this later was to have many resources mentally and other wise to get through it all yet the enormous downside was just what we are talking about here. I am so glad it is different for so many transgender people now days yet wish to keep that momentum of access and support going forward. Thanks for your videos !

Dr Z, you are so relevant with your videos it's scary! For the longest time I had severe anxiety and procrastination and for a few years my life was basically computer games. I was referred to a neurologist because I told a doctor I felt separated from my body and it felt like it was controlled by a sad robot. I didn't know about dissociation back then! You said on your site that the most common presentation of your clients is they know something is deeply wrong, they just can't put a finger on it. But ever since I got my hormone levels under control just within the past couple of months I feel a surge of energy and authentic joy and can easily tackle lots of things at once. For the first time in about 20 years I have a future, and I am eagerly looking forward to my further progress on HRT.

Thanks so much for this video!

Thank you Dr. Z for this excellent video. I did not know I needed to hear this. All of this sounds so (painfully) familiar, and this video helped me understand and be aware of and put the white noise and existing that I've been experiencing for a few years. I've started working on my transition late last year, and it's been great, though the struggles are still here, and will likely remain. I notice that I very often have white noise in the back of my mind, and I notice that I often feel like I'm surviving, not living. I meditate, I do yoga, I journal, I try to reach out for support, but all of that still feels like it's not enough to purge the white noise and kill the switch on the autopilot existance. Thank you again Dr. Z, your videos always help me become more aware and well informed about what I am going through

Thank you, Dr. Z, for your videos and your advice on GD. I went through YEARS living on autopilot without realizing what was causing my feeling of being disconnected with my body and environment. It has only been through research and introspection in the last year that I learned my problem has a name. I've accepted that I'm non-binary mostly because I HATE my assigned gender. However, my struggle has continued as I'm discovering that I may be a Transwoman. It's scary, but your videos have been helpful and encouraging to me.

You're a life saver, literally You have be the knowledge and charge to seek help

This video just found me, and it hits all the points of how my life has been. I just recently started the ball rolling trying to get my transition started, and will be able to start hormones next year. I wish I had had the strength to let people know 30 years ago when I first realized it as a child. Instead I've been supressing it over and over and ended up just running my life in autopilot. Dr. Z's explanation of the disassociation during intimate activities really explains something I never could figure out why they all said something was missing. I had suppressed things to the point where I couldn't even feel my own emotions although others could see it on my face. I look forward to my journey forward as I try to unlearn the coping mechanisms from my youth.

Rewatched this video and I'm tearing up. Yes, Dr. Z. You've been amazingly helpful

I’ve been on autopilot from ever since I can remember, I’ve just cracked the “egg” to a close friend and it feels so much better already. This video made me tear up Thank you x

Thanks Dr Z explained very well

literally said this all my life, I feel like I have not lived through the moments of it, done tons of amazing things over last 20 years with my wife and kids and feel like I was never there, last few years after trying to work on myself I have got to this way of thinking this year, I realised I think this is actually the problem, listening to this took the words out of my mouth that I have been saying to others and myself for a lifetime, thank you

Hello Dr. Z, I really appreciate the fact you had to worked so hard to understand to this depth. And by doing so, you are able to help us all by giving us the tools to clearly articulate that which you have gotten so very correct. I would like to suggest a continued discussion on your views and the suppression of GD and the long term effects. Thank you.

Thank you so much.. I have never been able to make my loved ones understand how I feel.. The way you explain it makes so much sense.. Thank you very much.. I can't explain how glad I am to come across your channel

This is exactly how I feel right now! I'm currently unable to transition right now and you're right, I don't feel like I'm living I just feel like I'm existing and going through the motions. Great video!

I thank you so much for making these videos It’s tough living a lie I’m so thankful you are here

Yes, Dr. Z, you are talking about me, living with gender dysphoria for decades, trying to survive, not understanding myself, keeping friends and even my spouse at arms length to not disclose myself. My brain working in overdrive all the time. I was publicly humiliated as a young boy causing me to put my "sinful" feminine side in a box with lid on tight for decades, believing there was something wrong with me. Finally accepting my true self at age 69 as transgender female, loving myself now, I am the happiest I've ever been. Thank you Dr. Z for help me to better understand me.

I can so relate! I was dealing with debilitating OCD and I was hearing voices for years! After coming out, with the help of meds and therapy my obsessive thoughts and voices have gone away and my dysphoria has diminished to a manageable level. I still have a long way to go but, my life has become much happier goings through this process.

I feel this so much. It feels like no matter what I do, I still fail to be present. I've done so many things that should be amazing, travelling to my dream destinations, going to concerts, but I've never been able to fully enjoy them due the disconnect I felt to myself, and for the longest time I didn't know why, I thought I must be broken somehow. Even hanging out with friends is difficult bc I can't get out of my head. Now I understand a bit better why I've felt like this, but my transition is still just beginning and I hope I get to live in the future.

Thank you for this video!!! I have been just existing since puberty, over 13 years now. I did not know that I was trans until a month ago and I feel alive in a way I never have before. Starting HRT has also helped me inhabit my body. Now I'm facing my life in a way I'm terrified of, but I finally have a reason to take care of and love myself.

for a few years been suffering with horrible digestive issues! I pinpoint it to my severe anxiety.. ever since i've started hrt it has been so much better :D anxiety can show up both physically and mentally and its super exhausting I'm so glad you emphasize how important transition is

After I started transitioning (socially at first), I got a ton of comments from people around me that I seem so much more present (in the physical space, in the situation, in the here and now, in life in general) that it really draws attention to it. Not only people close to me but even mere acquaintances have commented on it. And yes, people rarely talk about the inability to focus and concentrate, being absent-minded, sometimes even having memory problems in relation to dysphoria. Only after my life improved in this regard have I started to grasp that these things were related.

Thank you for this video. Over the last year and a half beginning my transition, I thought I was the only person to look back and realize I lived my entire life just existing and not truly living.

We're a did/osdd system and i only today realised how its not just trauma worsening our dissociation but dysphoria may actually be the main cause/trigger. It was perspective changing

Omg thank you so much for this video it really opened my eyes I have been in auto drive for years I have known something was off about me around the age between 4 or 5 and it has haunted me all my life

😊❤ DR Z your channel is helpful, i cant find a gender therapist in my irea , but basically ur videos helped me figuring out my gender without therapy

I just wanted to say thank you so much for this channel and your content. You’re an Angel to me as a trans woman who is 30 and just now starting my transition. Thank you!! I hope you know what these videos mean to us.

Great helpful video

this is so real, wish my parents could just understand this to see what i'm dealing with every day

Thank you for this ma'am. My whole life I have been struggling having told my mom at around 4 years old that I was supposed to be a girl and was always told I am a boy that's how it has to be. I recently started looking into being transgender after I no longer have the military to occupy my time and this has been exactly me since I was a kid. The thought has always been there in the back of my head but I thought everyone had these feelings you know. Again thank you for your content.

Everyone has told me since junior high school I look like living in another place, and that I was always disconnected, my father even thought I had Asperger. I've always felt like I dont belong anywhere and cant connect to people, and im always moving in autopilot, turns out since writting my memories I have desired to be a woman since around 4y/o and have always find ways to cope with how others perceive me (which has always make me so nervous). Your videos bring me eaase and feel so relatable, thank you :)

Thank you so much for your videos. You were able to take all the nebulous things that I knew to be true and were able to explain it in a way that made sense and allowed me to accept what my brain was telling me, but I just couldn't figure out on my own. You do amazing work thank you so much!

wow that, 100 % accurate with my life before hormones!!

I feel so relieved because of this video. I feel like i've been "existing" for like 8 years. In the last month I've come out to my friends and started working more to allign with my gender identity and I feel like i'm living again.

Thanks! This is where I have been living for quite awhile. Now that I have accepted my gender dysforbia I can free up space. My Brain was in overdrive. I was very distracted, could not focus at work and then I ate more and more.

Pointing at my ~20 year old username… you hit the nail on the head with this video, Dr. Z. Just at the beginning of this week I realised, that by finally figuring out my gender is neutrois, I had calmed down a lot. It’s an absence of panic, that I am not used to. Now I need to figure out my next steps.

This was very helpful, thank you Dr Z. It may sound silly, but this made me think or a tarot reading I got from a woman in the street back in 2019 on Christmas. The card she analyzed for me was a skeleton handcuffed to a steering wheel, basically stating what you said. Im living on auto-pilot not in control of my life

I’m 58 auto pilot doesn’t even begin to describe disassociateing try dead in side no connection with anyone and wandering when god will end it for you. Passive suicidal idealation is rampant no joy no nothing just living for them

everything you described is exactly how i feel. i finally made the choice that i'm going to start treating it first off with hormone intervention (T) this coming Friday. As i've adapted these coping mechanisms to my day to day life I really hope they start to lessen.

Aside from engaging in self-destructive behaviours like drinking, my biggest problem has probably been with relationships, whether friends, family, and partners. Something constantly telling me to be secretive about my gender identity and thinking “you don’t really know who I am.” Even though my friends and family now know, and having been on hormones for almost two years, I still struggle a lot in public settings, worried about how I will be perceived. So, for now, I tone it down by still appearing male with hints of femininity, like nail polish, earrings, dyed hair, more ambiguous clothing… But, ultimately I want to be able to dress as I like without having to think about it, just as I would if I had been assigned female at birth. The journey is slow and long!

I'm 47 going on 48 and this has hit me hard. The thing is I'm worried about what people will say if I cruelly come out about how I am.

thank you so much I needed to hear this, I realized I'm living my life on autopilot and I'll try to get rid of this habit or defence mechanism gotta face my demons cant ignore them anymore

Dr Z I had never thought about this until this video and yes for my entire life I have been on auto pilot and as I work in therapy and epically now that I have started HRT and I am actually thinking clearly I see the path of destruction that I created. Today I now feel happier than I have ever been.

Off topic, but I love your earings 💕

Thank you so much for the video, Dr. Z! Dissociation is the worse :( I've had episodes during my gender crises. I wondered if trans people were more likely to have dissociation disorder because it makes so much sense that when you feel so distressed about your body, as in gender dysphoria, that your mind would disconnect you from yourself, others, and the world.

This makes so much sense

I'm thinking about those memes what people think I'm listening to vs what I'm actually listening too but at the same time going through real life changing emotions while working and seaming ok 😅 thank you for all of your info. It really does help.