it's incredibly hard to regain.....you're right. but, it's very possible. it will take 1. a process 2. expert (not general) help 3. forgiveness 4. effort on part of both spouses and that's not the exhaustive list. what help are you pursuing? i hope you're able to find help and encouragement in the videos. it's possible my friend. it really is.

I’ve been married 20 years. I have lost respect for my husband. I think it’s a different feeling when you’ve been together so long and then a spouse cheats. It hurts at any stage but I feel devastated.

Overcoming Infidelity I’m still waiting for a truthful disclosure of main details. I feel this will help me rebuild trust. I think he thinks it will end our marriage.

Wish we could discuss. We are year 30. Connection is lost for me.

@@lakelady7793 I totally agree w you on this.

hi there....it's never the same after infidelity, period. however it can be better and it can be great, but expert help and that process is the key to it being redeemed.

I agree with you. Once respect is lost at best you regain tolerance. But respect does not return, it's just never the same.

Achieng Caroline wow that a powerful concise shared feeling.

​@k-roc the ruler tolerance...I just realized with your statement is I'm just tolerant

exactly

Tu Bailey deep deep facts

Tu Bailey I agree. I don’t believe marriage could work without any contention if secrecy such as pornography is going on. If one of the partners is living a lie or second life, nothing will or can work out. The unfaithful spouse has to come out of the closet in order for anything to begin to heal.

I will tell you today without gods word what he is talking about can’t happen because the world teaches us to have pride and pride is not a product of god

Your right Tu

JChezy same here. My 23 year marriage was , in my mind, a give and take, compromising, accepting faults and flaws but focusing on the best in one another. The very few times my thoughts went to “Wow, I’d love to have renewed passion with someone or I need new breath in my life”, I went to my husband and shared my feelings because they scared me. I was telling him what I needed so we could fix it together: and, together we did. My heart, my loyalty, my willingness to show that I was “all in” was never a question. Too, my own code- my own set of ethics- dictated that I honor our unity and cherish it. Above all, I loved my husband with my entire being, with my soul. We did everything together from laughing, crying, raising our children, cooking, planning our retirement- we were not only best friends but intimate lovers with a healthy sex life. So, when he blindsided me with an affair the bottom just dropped out from beneath me. I feel you, as I have such resentment. I will never love anyone more than I loved him. Yet, I don’t want to fix this, although he does. He disrespected all we had, dishonored me, and selfishly gave no thought to the trauma he’d inflict on me. In my book, that is not love; there is no excuse. I deserve / deserved more. So, like you, I have to reinvent my life, let go, and move on. I simply can’t stay with such a deceiver. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever faced. Everyday I have to tell myself to be brave. Finding my own happiness and focusing on me is priority now because I am worth it. So are you.

I wish you healing.

Set her free and forgive her~ not for her sake but for yours mate. Trust me it worked for me!

You didn’t deserve that...nobody does. I’d feel the exact same way...and justified in doing so.

@@ThePmvc right now I envy 😫 your inner peace and acceptance. Academically I get it but deep down I haven't arrived there yet. We are trying recovery but how does one travel such a road without first being settled.

See my response to JChezy- you are so right.

im sorry kris. I get it. i really do.

it takes time, expert help, and a process. it can and will return IF both commit to the process.

This is exactly how I feel with my husband. I feel that that he is an entirely different person than I thought and I am scared I will never fully respect or admire him again.

@@starlightjeff28 hi there. you may not....you may... only time plus good hard recovery work will tell. i would not decide now, but set a date, months in advance and see how the recovery work goes. if he is unwilling to do any recovery work though, and if he's unwilling to do any work of that nature, perhaps, the writing is on the wall and that is your answer?

It's very hard to control our minds. I'm sorry about the affair your wife had. I'm a betrayed too. Hurt, pain and grief from what we thought was our lives turned out to lies. I'm angry all the time, a feeling I don't want to have. So, I started doing really cold showers, cold swims in a lake (I live in Sweden) and it helps. For a while. Then I do it over and over again. Hugs 🌹

Wow , sounds exactly like my situation. .. myself , i dont think i can live with knowing what i know she has done let alone all the other b.s. she has been up to....time will tell ...

Hi. I was the unfaithful spouse and I am female. It happened 3 years ago, but he found out 7 months ago. I can tell you, it devastated my husband of 10 years. I did show extreme remorse and I'm still willing to do ANYTHING to restore my marriage. I will tell you this, if she is truly remorseful, she will let you know. If she truly understands what this has done to you, she will find ways to restore your 21 years. I hope it all works out for you.

i know how it feels..we need some miracles, its beyond our strength..

what sort of help have you all utilized my friend? are you doing any recovery work for you? is the unfaithful spouse doing anything at all to help?

@@samshealingpodcast I live in a country where a woman who cheats usually ends up beaten to death and thrown in the street. So there is not any type of help, excluding some very expensive therapists, who are not at all prepared or even interested in this subject of infidelity. One can not talk about the cheating wife with friends or family and expect good advice, because of this retrograde mentality. So my only help is the internet, and especially your youtube channel. My wife had big issues with her unhapiness, which I ignored because I was so focused on my work. So her affair hit me in the heart like a thousand of white-hot knives. Even if she is the unfaithful, I am the one who opens anytime with the greatest possible warmth, while she remains cold as ice. From august 2017, when she first rejected me, I struggle to understand what's in her heart and in her mind, and from october 2017, when I discovered her affair, I struggle with myself to get over and to keep alive my love for her. She was the most close human being that I ever had in my 46 years life, and she will always remain my beloved child, to which I dedicated all my life and power. I contemplated suicide several times, because of the unbearable pain - I felt it was the only way to escape this nightmare. The only reason I did not proceed is our child, who is totally innocent and deserves the best in life. What I know for sure is that things will never ever be the same again. If our relationship will end, I feel that my life will also end. And this is not a feeling of a recently cheated spouse, I keep feeling this from 1 year and 2 months already. Sometimes I feel I lose all hope and power, but when I meet her I feel I come back to life. The most intriguing fact is that I am a very powerful, experienced and ruthless male, and she is the same shy little girl who melted my stone heart when I first discovered what a gem she was, many years ago. I never ever imagined the total and ireversible devastation caused by her infidelity. I still hope that one day we will be together again...

you're very welcome, thanks for watching and posting.

wow i'm so glad. thank you for posting and watching.

hi there. here's an article on trust that will help for the short and long term: www.affairrecovery.com/shocking-truth-about-trust expert help can create space for you goth to restore trust and gain momentum where you're not haunted by the opportunity for him to relapse and act out again. i hope the videos help and encourage you in your process and timeline.

hi there. 1. a commitment to heal your own pain and hurt. 2. expert help 3. grieving 4. forgiveness 5. time. there's no way around these steps my friend, but you CAN heal. i'm so sorry you feel so depressed.

Thank you for your thoughts..yes I am deeply hurt.. I am going through that process of grieving..feels better when I cry.. thank you so much...❤🙏

Been 4 years since you posted this, but I hope you found peace and left her for good friend. I’m sure she didn’t change.

happy to help. have you watched the videos with MJ on trauma as they will explain a lot about the trauma and how to cope with it. here's a bit of a timeline as well for you to understand more about what the future looks like: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2010-03-timeline

@Hanna Titley any updates? It’s been two years. I’m three months into him starting affair. But he ended it a month ago and is working with me. He is pretty distant though and does not express a lot of love, says he feels like a hypocrite, I on the other hand feel empty and alone and like he doesn’t love me.

Same here! That's a entirely different level of betrayal! I was portrayed as a suspicious old harpee, bedridden and a burden.

`I have lost all respect and trust for my husband. Even my adult daughter who is forty does not want to have anything to do with him.

sorry you feel that way. i think if you watch enough videos you'll hear and see me emphatically say that that is not true. you'll also hear from others who have been here for quite some time echo my sentiments. hope you can find a safer place for you somewhere.

He doesn’t. Please watch more of his videos and you’ll see the full picture. 👍 His approach and openness about betraying his wife has helped me tremendously after my husband did the same.

here are our online courses: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses there is a scholarship you can apply for to any and all of our online courses: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request there is also our free bootcamp program: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp

My husband and I have been trying to overcome this for a year now... doesnt seem like anything is helping. I am the betrayed, and I am still having a very hard time with triggers and anxiety and flash backs. I feel i have lost the spark i once had for him, and i cant seem to get it back 😔 i fear we have lost our love and I am leaning towards ending our marriage because we are both suffering.

Jessika Merrill apply for the scholarship he mentioned. It makes it very affordable and is a fantastic course. You won’t regret it.

@@jessikawatkins7592 do the scholarship app. the courses will change your life but you have to be the one who takes the initiative my friend.

hi ana. well, i'm sorry he feels that way. yes, there are a certain group of men who would do it and get away with it if they could. it would be those that simply live in a way to do whatever they can, whenever they can and get away with it. call it those that are of the evolutionary mindset of hey, no consequences, do what i can when i can. not all men are like that and not all men have such a selfish get away with anything i could, moral compass. that's the cold hard truth. so no, i don't think you should just live that way and accept it. respect is found by the way a man lives his life and how he owns his mistakes, rights his wrongs and helps his spouse/partner to feel safe. he's not showing you much respect right now using that train of thought. it's going to be very hard to respect him if he's not willing to show remorse for his mistakes and actions and help you heal. it' just the truth of the matter. i hope this makes sense.

@@samshealingpodcast Thank you for your reply, I really have been having a hard time with this thought running and running through my head... thank you so much.

Man here, don't believe it. Not all men would do that. And no, I'm not lying

Absolutely not. I could understand how you feel...and you’re justified in feeling that way 100%. There is no debate here...yes, there are men who will cheat...just like there are women..., but don’t waste your life settling for feeling like it’s a possibility for your husband to do the same. That’s your inner struggle from childhood and your experience holding you in...like bondage. Until you decide and know you should expect and deserve that safety...especially in light of your childhood you’ll remain subject to it. Demand better...

I agree what your husband said about men and affairs. My husband is a traveling salesman, he sure enjoyed his job away from home and took advantage of it to the fullest extent.