Male thinking of female friend: "I might be able to seduce her eventually." Female thinking of male friend: "I know what he's thinking, but I don't like him. However, keeping him on a string will be useful in a thousand little ways (when my car breaks down, when I need someone to help me move, when I need a shoulder to cry on because bad boys, when I need a small loan, when I need some furniture moved, etc.) and it won't cost me anything but the occasional manipulative flirt that will never lead to anything.

There's a difference between "friendly" and "friendship."

99% of the time talking to female family members colleague etc, I just get immensely tired for a number of reasons: 1: Women mostly talk about what other people did recently (gossip). Often they will talk to about someone seemingly without even realizing I don't even know the person. 2: When they ask for your openion on something, they really just wan't you to guess what their openion is, and agree with them, and they will do the same back to you. (useless!) 3: You can never discus women as an abstract group without her substituting herself, and getting offended if she does not fit the generalization, or if she does not percieve it as positive. 4: They trade information with each other to gain social status, so don't ever tell a woman anything you are not ok with all women knowing. 5: Women are tremendously interested in emotions, yet paradoxicly regard emotions as some sort of divine inspiration rather than the product of evolutionary psycology. 6: My hobbies an interest are just all kinda guy things, that women are entirely clueless about. All in all, I find the exercise of communicating on womens terms to be emotionally draining, while simultaneously unproductive. Perhaps if I had a more feminine mind, my experience would be better.

My grandmother, who was born in 1931, used laugh when I told her that a woman I was talking to was just a friend. She'd tell me, "Women and men can't be friends, that's just not how it works."

If you’re friends with a woman and she’s attracted to you, if you don’t reciprocate it she’s gonna end up hating you completely one day. That’s my experience

3:45 *IMPORTANT POINT* You're Not Gonna Be Attracted To Every Female Even If You Are Thirsty.

Choosing a female friend over a male friend is like choosing a Ferrari with broken steering over a perfectly good Toyota

Having female friends is all fine and good, but if you ask a girl out and she says "lets just be friends", i dont think whatever friendship she has to offer is the kind you want.

I find having women as friends means your always being asked to help her with something.

At 60 I find that most of the single women in my age group are post-wall and looking for that nice guy to settle down with. Any attention given to most of these women is interpreted as potentially romantic. It's sort of a role reversal. It's easy to be friendly with anyone, but true friendship, in this demographic, is nigh impossible to pull off.

I'm a guy who once had a female friend. I liked that relationship a lot. It never crossed my mind she would view me in a romantic way. We've been married 49 years.

You really should have defined exactly what you meant by 'friends'. I have a healthy amount of female acquaintances which help bring in other chicks but my inner circle of friends is off limits for women.

You can be calm and confident without the need of having female friends. The illusion of friendship with women will only make it harsher once you end up getting rejected by some other women. All you need is some good quality male friends and your life will get better on its own.

Who benefits in general more from a male/female friendship? I would say woman want male friends as they see it a benefit for themselves.

Nope not happening, I cut my female friends out of my life along time ago. Most of them are selfish and they only stay in contact with me when they want something or want me to listen to them. Then I never hear from them until another problem arises. They get pissed when I call them out on it. Not only that they added more stress to my life as if they were my girlfriend's without the sex. No thanks Alex, I know you mean well in this video but it's rare to find a woman who genuinely wants to be your friend and not want to use you for something. Only one female was a true friend to me and she was the God mother to my daughter. But sadly Anastasia passed away 7 years ago.

There's no such thing as "female friends" when women can't even stand eachother..

Meh, no chick even wants to be friends if it's not gnna to be a relationship unless they are broke and need to use you.

I don't care what people say, if a woman is somewhat attractive (plus is they know each other, brings comfort) - the dude will always want to get into her drawls.

When a female needs some financial helps, she calls her male friends not female friends.

Conversation with female friends as equals ? In my experience you almost always end up being an emotional tampon if you let it be. And as she complains about the current guy in her life, he`s getting the ``prize``. And as far as her introducing you to potential prospects those worthy of note are usually taken and you will be most likely ``matched`` with a less undesirable connection (often the kids are included) Besides, if you where a good catch in her mind she will try to keep you for herself or switch for you. But if having female friends is what works for some guys...so be it. Peace.

Girlfriends/wives are jealous if you have female friends (especially if they are attractive), so having both is extremely difficult.

I value humour way too much to spend "friendship" time with women.

Never let your girlfriend have male friends, they either want the attention and validation or are gonna smash em

Most of the time if she's attractive and you are close then it will break down. Female friends is fine but it's how close you are

I don't think you really can be friends with a woman. You'll be required behave differently from how you would among men and be expected to perform duties that are reserved for her bf/husband/father. Now, a guy will do that if he's sleeping with her. But without that all-important component, it's pure downside.

Something to consider. If you become friends with the less attractive woman. It sometimes bites you in the ass and they end up liking you. Then you have to friend zone them and they stop talking to you. This is why I only have lesbian friends 😂

My mother had "male orbiter friends" and were and still are using them every time

Most Other dating Related Channel : - " Blah Blah Blah, cringe pickup lines , PAAAYYY MEE !!! , only do sexting " ( I mean ...... ufff) Alexander Grace - .........GOLD........ really you are a real source of moral support.

I rather be lonely than be friends with a woman

I didn't go down far enough in the comments to see if anyone else caught it but notice how she said "...and you're gonna have to keep rejecting the other person." She automatically put the person who is attracted in the opposite spot 🤣 That's because men don't keep women in the "friend zone". Just that one part of a sentence tells you everything you need to know about the male/female dynamic and "friendship" between a man and a woman. She answered the question without even realizing she answered it! 🤣👊🏻

Women will rather spend their time with potential relationship mates, and friendzoned guys who give them freebies all the time than with an ordinary male friend they'll have to establish a mutual relationship with, in terms of giving.

Chick "friends" are good for introducing you to ... other women. Remember; toes in the door with one chick often leads to "just the tip" with 2-3 more.

So if you don’t have sisters or female cousins, then maybe, but a CLOSE plutonic friendship never works because the new girlfriend will not tolerate sharing you with another girl unless she gets priority and the existing close friend will resent being put on the back shelf every time a new girlfriend comes along. Therefor it can only work if the friendship is superficial and neither of you is a priority in the others life. Otherwise just stick with your sister(s) and/or cousin(s).

He talks about how we should have female friends so we can listen to different perspectives..... Different Perspectives: Skreeeeeeeee

I COMPLETELY agree that men should have female friends but I think “context” like you say is important in finding the right female friends because just making random women your friends doesn’t work well for me personally. The “being friends with your friends girlfriend or wife” makes sense because it’s not forced. I would probably throw coworkers into the mix as a potential place to make female friends.

Absolutely one of the best pieces of advice ever given. Men can save years and years of frustration by listening to this and dropping the term "friend zone" entirely from their mind set.

Good personality, but not attractive= Friend. Bad personality, but attractive= Short term fun. Good personality, and attractive= A keeper.

The best way to protect your mindset pursue your own self improvement. Be the best version of yourself. Current, I chosing stay a out the dating market till summer.I am focus on improving myself and expanding my options in life.

"There are times when I wanna have deeply, analytical, logical conversations. And when I'm in that kind of mood, yeah I'm probably gonna go chat to my male friend" Ouch that cut deep 😂

perhaps yes men and women can be friends but there has to be some SERIOUS limits and fences put up to prevent any funny business and to prevent other relationships from becoming damaged by the friendship.

The way I feel is that women are mediocre men friends. With women I have to keep myself quiet on many things because they just wont understand or try be all understanding and be shoulder to cry on. I don't have take care of my male friends and I can be myself 100% of the time with them. And if I ever met a woman I could get along with well enough to be my friend I'd immediately would think about having a romantic relationship with her.

I mean, I would sleep with probably 75% of the women I've ever met who are 18-35, so the friend zone is a massive lingering threat in my life, and therefore women really can't be included in my life in a platonic capacity except for the rarest circumstances. This strategy may work for people like Alexander who have narrower tastes, but for people like me, it can't work. And usually, of the women I don't want to sleep with, at least part of that is due to the fact that they're unpleasant to be around for reasons that also wouldn't make them great friends. Last time I tried to have a female friend who I wouldn't want to sleep with (she was quite heavy), she bothered me constantly about watching anime. I hate anime, but it's all she wanted to talk about. Ended up having to ghost on her.

If you have lots of female friends women wonder why they are all just friends

No because they are often utilizing that friendship for some thing. Women know how to manipulate men. Whether it’s emotion or financial support, they are usually getting some thing from it.

I think I’m finally realizing the error in my ways. I always thought having a lot of female friends would increase your chances of them seeing you as “not like other guys” and would want to take a chance on you. I have more female friends than I do guy friends. And it’s not for the reasons most guys do. More or less, it’s the same reason why women say they only hang out with guys because women are too much trouble. I’m just more comfortable being around women. I feel much safer when I’m with girls, and they’re just easier to talk to and have meaningful conversations with. To me, it’s much harder to be seen as vulnerable towards your boys without being seen as fragile or -gay- . But I’m realizing the troubles that come with having mostly girl friends. I’m trying to change my old ways. I am hanging out with more guys recently, and I’m realizing that most dudes are just as welcoming and brotherly as female friends if you’re willing to put yourself out there.

I have many women as acquaintances but i do not count them as friends. I have a small but strong circle of male friends which is not open to females. My friends also do have some female acquaintances but they dont call them friends either. Because why should you stay friends with women if there is no deeper connection then just friendship. I'd ghost them when i find a partner that is relationship material. They would also ghost me when they would get a in a relationship, and if they do not ghost me when what is the point of orbiting women who is in a relation? There is nothing in it for me to win, just a waste of time.

Friendship means to trust and rely on in some tought times. How is that possible to rely on someon who is emotionaly unstable?

Thank you Alex. Your work is always thought out and well spoken.

Generally agree with you but there is a serious logic error in your analysis. You're saying friendship is possible as long as there is no attraction from either part. So let's say you're an average guy, not so great not so bad. Women talk amongst themselves all the time, if your friend doesn't find you attractive the chance of her friends finding you attractive within that group is slim. Now let's say you're a high quality attractive guy. Then the chances that your friend eventually develops feelings for you is high. If you're still in doubt... You can be friends with women but it will never ever be the same kind of friendship like with your mates. The moment you or her gets a partner is the moment your friendship deteriorates. Ask yourself this, would your gf be ok with you spending your Friday night with your female friend instead of your gf? Would you accept your gf spending her Friday evening alone with her male friend? "Their friendship is so valuable so you should accept it!" said no one ever.

Disagree. There is very little gained by having female friends. I have made "friends" with numerous women over the years, many of whom I was not attracted to. I've had the odd experience of quite often attracting the attention of women who are married or otherwise unavailable, and it was nothing uncommon for me to be in a some sort of social, academic, or professional situation and find myself surrounded by such women. Outside of when I happen to be in the same place at the same time as them, I only hear from them when they want something. Otherwise they have very little to do with me. If they need someone to talk to they may contact me, but I generally cannot do the same (and really have no interest in doing so) especially if they are in a relationship. They will absolutely call every time that they or someone they know is moving or needs help doing something physical or technical, but I obviously cannot ask for reciprocation. Asking them for a females perspective on something is usually pointless because they will most generally tell you what they think they are supposed to say, but if you watch their behavior and their decisions there is no correlation to their alleged perspective. I've had a few rare instances where I came to realize I was a backup guy, and they were actively sabotaging my ability to talk to single women. I've had a few where their SO got jealous and caused drama. I've reached a point in my life where I have grown tired of people constantly wanting to take and never give, and I do not tolerate it anymore. I'm fine with interacting with women who are in my orbit, and I will be friendly towards them, but I do not mistake them for friends and keep them at arm's length.

Women spend 80% of the money, If you are professional all women are friends.

While I recognize the merit of Alex's points, I still disagree that a guy and girl can just be friends. In almost every situation, one of the parties has romantic feelings for the other, no matter if they've been single for a while or monkeybranching. I question Alex's use of the term "friend" because in the wake of the facebook age, the term "friend" has become bastardized. People who would be of stranger or acquaintance status are just lumped into the the status of "friend". Friends are close to your heart and you have a platonic intimacy with. They're one step below the best friend who you'd treat like a sibling. That being said, I don't think it's a good idea for men and women to become friends because it's setting them up to be in that near occasion of developing romantic feelings for one another that won't be reciprocated and the relationship becomes awkward (those romantic feelings develop from the close intimacy of friendship to close friendship). I do believe men and women being acquaintances is ok, but no more unless it's mutually understood they want a romantic relationship. As acquaintances, there's enough emotional distance between the two parties where romantic feelings are least likely to grow. I can only speak for myself when I say this but since shifting my mindset from wanting female friends to female acquaintances, I've achieved a healthier result in my engagements of women.

Just stumbled on your channel today... are you a therapist of some kind? You have a great perspective on this stuff and I’m really enjoying listening to you.

The elegance of this woman is ridiculous. I hate that American women lack this. 😭

i found out that every women i met in my life has nothing to offer as a friend

I definitely think it is possible for a man and woman to just be friends, I am also glad that I do have female friends. 1) I'm single and married guys seem to have problems being friends with single guys - jealousy? Who knows. 2) I can talk about so many more things with my female friends than male friends, especially because it centers around more than sports BS, also it is important for the female friends to want to talk about more than other people/gossip and if they have varied interests. 3) Having female friends is an excellent way to show other women you might be interested in that you are someone that can be trusted.

Absolutely my favorite youtuber! No ideology, just truth and honesty!!

Just imagine going into a club surrounded by female friends. Just as long as you you don’t behave like a male girlfriend, your status goes way up.

It depends on you definition of friendship. Women seem to have rather followers than friends. Always remember the proverb „A friend in need is a friend indeed“

This is the best analysis of this topic I've ever watch. Very honest, realistic and also practical.

Dating world is difficult so choose the friendship safe way to avoid rejection 🤦‍♂️ i love most of your videos , but when you try to demonstrate that you can learn about women without being sexist that's when you slip

I think it’s good to have a Woman friend that you aren’t attracted to sexually & will be just a close friend for you. To be honest it becomes boring to only have Friends who are guys.

Brilliant insight Alexander, this is one of your most important videos. Thankyou from Argentina

As an introvert I am very familiar with the friend zone. However, the advice of having more positive female interaction then negative is very helpful. Thank you.

Life is too short to have female friends.

I actually don't agree with this sentiment from my experience having female friends actually made me bitter and i fell into this victim mindset that girls didn't view me as an option romantically it made me act like i was entitled to women after years of improving myself I've had more success with women by being assertive and forward i am way more confident calm and understanding i don't take it personal if a woman rejects me the only female friends i have are in the work place your advice might be good for men who are desperate for some type of female interaction but for someone who wants to be viewed as high value in the dating space i wouldn't recommend this advice

All my life I've approached this the wrong way. I needed this. You are absolutely 💯

That's what I call value. Very brilliant points. Thank you

Yeah, I don't think men and women can be friends, I can easily talk to a girl and flirt with her if I find her attractive, but the few times I tried just talking to a girl without trying to flirt we just never connect on anything because women talk about different things than men.

There is a difference between being friendly with women in your life like the wives or girlfriends of your friends, and having stand alone deep friendships with women. You highlighted in your video why by saying that when you want an intellectual conversation you reach out to your male friends. I think there are some women out there to have t hat type of friendship with but there aren't many and I dont have time for the nonsense of the rest. I get my fill of superficial conversation in social situations and feel no pressing need to listen to a woman describe every word and feeling that crosses her mind. I dont agree that men need that in their life. In my experience women aren't as dependable or loyal as men either which are important friendship characteristics.

I don't care how good a female friend is for my dating life. If I like the girl and she rejects me and offers me a friendship, I walk away far away from her. I already have many female friends who I don't find attractive, I don't need another one.

You say the right answers. I'm glad I found this channel.

I have a lot of female friends, and I never really pursue women. Normally they pursue me. It kind of sucks because all of the women that pursue me aren’t that attractive in my eyes.

I friendzone girls up front because dating can be too destructive. You can end up getting together with someone even if you're not compatible. If you like someone (whatever reason), they'll like you just because you like them back. Being sweet and nice (and still being a masculine man) will cause her to develop feelings. That's a bad idea unless you've sort through all the incompatible variables. And this is where the friendzone comes in. I'd rather get to know a woman as a friend first then a potential date, that also strips all facades and the authentic parties come out. If you like what you hear, then you can flirt when it's time and see if it's reciprocated.

Good stuff! Thanks for sharing.

Good clip. I think given the current realities for most men, having genuine female friends (i.e. those who didn't friend zone'd you), can be beneficial for: 1) ease the pressure of getting somewhere with a woman who you consider an option. That's the Alex's point. 2) I think women think different of you, when you have a sound social circle around you. Knowing that they judge and assess you by the social circle you have, means you can prepare adequately. 3) You CAN be needy with a friend. That's important for those of us who struggle with unresolved feelings resulting from inadequate care from our parents/caregivers. If you still going through that, and feel like you want a woman to take care of you - do it to a friend woman. That's what they are there for.

i dont think its a worthwhile venture, men already struggle to find a few genuinely good male friends, let alone a GF, now on top of that we should be looking for high value female friends? maybe you're good at finding them Alex or have girls around you enough for it to be worthwhile but I'd rather put my efforts into being high value men with my friends who attract women on a romantic level than looking for female friends for a mood boost or different perspective or even in hopes of boosting my chances of meeting more girls. if she's not at least as good a friend as the boys i've known for a decade i really cant be arsed. but i like the video though more young men should have female friends cuz they need to change their perspective on how they see girls and women

With men being friends there is an underlying balance. There are conscious scales that are applied to the relationship over time. I help you, you help me. I bring the boat you chip in with gas and the third person chips in the beer, and the fourth person brings the fishing poles and bait. A great time is had by all. With friends conversations are far ranging, and the point is not to be right, but the give and take. Amongst men, friendship is multi dimensional, it is deeper and typically more long lasting, but there is always a sense of trying to keep the scales balanced. Friendships with woman or amongst woman lack this quality of balance. Often it is a mentality of what can I get from you, while offering as little as possible. Quite often there friendships or characterized by an inequality.

Awesome content, man!

I have came across a few science videos where You were quoted as a authority. I myself watch your content from long ago and appreciate your approach and contribution. I really feel educated thanks to You.

Some men say they're "friends" when they're secretly more and the next thing they cheated with the "friend". But I see your reasoning in the latter part of the video.

I understand where you are coming from - I guess for me in the past early to mid twenties i was used by a lot of women - I turned red pillish thereafter and basically said to myself i am not going to be 'friends' with women. This is just my choice, cause at the end of the day i would rather spend time with my guy mates than females - Its just preference. As a consequence, because you become contempt alone, when i go out i am not expecting to sleep with women, i just go out and have a good time, cause at the end of the day i am not going to let a woman into my life unless she is of high value etc - But you did show a good argument as to why you should sometimes be friends with women.

"Protect your mindset" - advice we should all pay more attention to with respect to all news and social media too.

Straight facts. Your videos have helped me greatly improve my day to day life

It is best to have friends in all categories as you never know when in life you will be and what you will encounter. Limiting friendship to your own sex is a massive limiter in life. If you have a large circle of female friends you can always meet someone through them, land a job, get a second opinion and so on. You can always say No to requests, questions and queries. If you have a crush, just ask and move away it you don’t like the arrangement

Have female friends and you less likely to put them on a pedestal when you see one you like.👍

You ask all the right questions

I still think that I will keep women out of my inner circle except my long term partner, but Alexander makes good points and it's good to see a discussion on this topic. One key topic I didn't think you hit on well is that having female friends around can give good social proof for people that don't already have it!

Ok well I normally agree with Alexander grace says on his channel. But when he mentioned the friend zone part he pretty much said that if you ARE attracted to a girl and she’s isn’t attracted back then you can’t be friends and that’s pretty much what happens in most scenarios.

When you dont seek for pleasure then the pleasure will seek for you... Just stop that addicting cycle of seeking others approval with pleasure... Keep your seed and you will see world change around you. Try at least for 7 days minimum.

Thank you for this video. I am always changing my opinions on things as I watch your video and learn. Right now I am thinking if someone needs your help, you help them because it is good to help, good to be useful. If someone seems like abusing your kindness then it's time to move away but never change your kind nature because of it. It helps to be friends with a girl who has a similar attitude to life as you. I have one female friend who is pretty chill and is financially stable. I can talk to her for hours about random topics and we don't have any romantic feelings for each other. You just gotta find the right friend whether it be male or female. We need all kinds of friends imo ^_^

It worked extremely well for me in my teens and later. They’ve all got friends too and this increases your interactions. A fair percentage of those will be available and willing .

Need female friends just to have positive interaction with women? Doesn't make any sense. I would want something completely different from friends than a date. I'm absolutely not convinced after watching this.

Hah! You think I have the confidence to approach a stranger - my social anxiety begs to differ

I needed this video

Just know that you have to pick a side if the couple breaks up. So it can be simpler to just be friends with whichever person was your friend initially.

Totally agreed. Besides, most girls are fun to hang around. Though, sometimes you do find out that one of your female friends had a crush on you, but never worked up any courage to at least flirt with you. It can weird you out, especially if you're openly OK with casual sex and having a good time.

If I have excess time, I’m going to spend it with my GF, and if I was single I’d spend it finding a woman. In my opinion it’s not a friendship if you’re just using the person so being “friends” with a woman to get access to her friends for dating isn’t actually a friendship. Otherwise you’ll catch me in the garage. Too many projects for this lifetime and I doubt a non-sexual relationship with a woman is more beneficial than them.

The tricks to find female friends are.. Spot girls that you're not sexually attracted to, and if you spot a girl that you find somewhat attractive then treat her as a "buddy" from the beginning and always treat her that way. It also helps if she's already in a relationship by the time you meet her. Then, you go with the mindset of just being friends

The say "friends" but are often/sometimes insulted when they discover that is actually the reality of it; that there was not pretense