Speaking about your pain is healing to you, and those going through the same hell. ❤️

As a former oncology nurse-and a current chronic pain sufferer with CIDP-I can tell you that Ray was NOT addicted to pain medication in the way your mother or sister were. Ray’s body had become dependent on the medication & had built up a tolerance because it was not adequate. He was not addicted in the sense that he was abusing the medication or using the medication improperly. For pain management with end of life/palliative treatment the last thing the Dr is worried about is whether or not the patient becomes “addicted” to the meds. The goal is simply to keep the patient comfortable & out of pain. I know he & you were probably not ready for hospice those times when Ray ran out of pain meds or insurance wouldn’t cover them, but being on hospice then would have solved those issues. Yeah I now, hindsight & 20/20. Another thing to consider is that while pain medication can certainly change a person’s mood, pain & the disease process itself also a big part in changing a person’s personality. You have (or you should at least try) to stop thinking of Ray’s necessary consumption of high doses of pain medication due to extreme high levels of pain as an addiction. It was anything but. It taints his memory-Ray was NOT an addict! He would never have become an addict; Ray was the antithesis of an addict. Ray was sick. Ray had cancer & was treated with the best our current medical system could offer-including pain management. Don’t let the last couple of months cloud your beautiful memories of your loving, happy, laughing, smiling, kind, fun-loving son. I don’t think there is one person out here who would consider your son to have been truly “addicted” (in the traditional sense) to his pain meds-dependent yes-but not addicted. ❤️❤️

Cancer is so cruel. Insurance companies are also cruel.

If you are offended by anything Kelly says now or later…SHAME ON YOU. For her to feel compelled to make a video to apologize is horrific. This is her journey not yours. I am beyond angry. Kelly has been through enough. Leave her alone and let her speak her truth. JUST STOP IT. Much love and prayers to you Kelly.

Terminal patients should never be denied pain medication.

You're such a great Mom and you did the very best for Ray, always remember that ❤❤

Kelly, Some things we will never understand. But, know that your words are reaching and healing to so many others with similar experiences.

Kelly. I watched my mother die of lung cancer almost 40 years ago. I didn’t cry when she passed because she was FINALLY NOT SUFFERING. I felt so guilty because I couldn’t cry. It took me months before I finally cried…not because she died, but because I missed her so much. Give yourself grace in the mourning process.

Kelly, I am just going to say this to you, to your family, and to anyone reading this, “I love you”. That’s it, “I love you” 💞

I am so sorry for what Ray went through and as a Mom, I cannot imagine what you went through. Always in my prayers.

How horrible! I can’t for the life of me figure out why they didn’t sent him home from hospital with hospice care. They would have managed all his meds, with no hassles. They’re job is to make sure the patient is comfortable. I am so sorry for his suffering and your entire family. I had to watch it twice so I could write you. First I am a nurse, second he should have a a pain med pump and oxygen right out of the gate. He suffered. He shouldn’t have. Bone cancer is brutally painful. The entire thing he went through surgery in the end was torched. I am so very sorry for all the pain, the anger and suffering. Sending love and hugs.❤️🙏🏻😭

Thank you for sharing. My mom was on morphine before she passed so I can relate. The main point is that you kept Ray comfortable to the end. You are a wonderful mom.

Lost my son to cancer and it has shook me to my soul. It's so cruel and horrible. It's been 5 years. I think of him every single day. My heart goes out to you Kelly. Loosing a child is the hardest thing to get thru. The very hardest. What else could possibly be worse. 🌺

Thank you for saying this truth. It is hard that one has to go to Walmart for life support. Hospice is a blessing to those whose lives are ending and their families.

Here is a grieving mother with her heart ripped out and people feel the need to correct her???? She misspoke, give her some grace.

PLEASE SHOW MORE COMPASSION AND UNDERSTANDING TOWARDS KELLY (posted on both videos) Kelly shouldn't be condemned for something that she said under her current circumstances. She spoke from her grief, pain, hurt and sorrow. The loss of Ray is still fairly still new to her. She still has a whole lot of mixed emotions going on inside of her. Knowing, realizing, empathizing and truly understanding this, it isn't expected of Kelly to think logically in her current frame of mind. The MAJORITY of us REALLY understood what Kelly REALLY meant. Everyone will handle grief / loss differently, may or may not react in the same manner and may or may not think logically when speaking about what is hurting them. More hurt was added to the hurt she is already feeling and she felt compelled to follow-up with another video reacting to the insidious and nitpicking "comments", which she really shouldn't have had to do. Going forward, please show more compassion and understanding towards Kelly and let her go through the grieving process naturally. You may even want to send Kelly a special note to apologize for bringing on additional hurt to that of what she is already feeling. Thank you.

Sorry for all you and your family had to endure. As a Mother I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to watch your child go through so much anguish. I agree with you about the craziness of dealing with Insurance Companies during such a tragic ordeal. My heart goes out to you all. Kayla looks beautiful. I'm so glad you have your beautiful girls and loving furry babies. ❤

I love watching you interact with the fur babies

My heart aches for you, dear Kelly 💔 😢 You deserve every minute it takes for you to speak about your experience. Cry as much as you need to. Ray was YOUR precious son ❤

Oh Kelly, as a Mom of two grown sons, I can’t imagine watching your son in pain and struggling to live! You did the best you could by being there for Ray and caring for him. Thank you for sharing the cancer journey with us! I lost my Dad to lung cancer but I can;t imagine losing a child.

Much love and empathy. I have no words. I’m so so sorry.

I wanted to reach into the screen and hug you. Your strength is amazing Kelly. I know you are reading this and saying "if you only knew." I am human and can only imagine...but God knows. He knows your pain, your struggles, your every tear that you shed...He knows and He cares. He loves you so much. Thank you for sharing your heart, your experience and your son. You are helping so many. Praying for you and your family...for strength, comfort, peace that only He can provide. You are so loved by us all!! ❤

Kellie, I was in tears listening to this. I cannot imagine how much you all suffered. I am so sorry you lost Ray but am glad you aren't having to watch him suffer anymore. Bless you honey. Praying for continued healing for you and the girls.

Kelly,I’m so sorry to hear of Ray’s suffering and the suffering a Mom and family must endure when our loved one is leaving us in such a painful way. It is your reality and your story to tell. We are here to listen and pray that you find some peace and grace from telling your story. We will be here. Bless you Kelly.

It breaks my heart to hear what you and the girls went through experiencing all this; and poor Ray. It`s very sad that you lost him as he was months before he passed. You are incredibly brave to recount all this Kelly; I will continue to pray for healing for you and the girls. 💔

Kelly, you had to endure what words can’t even describe. I experienced a similar helpless time with my sister. You are describing what you and Ray went through so eloquently. I’m glad you’re doing this because we care about you and this will benefit you in the long run. We are here for you. Mimi

Willow is absolutely precious. I can see he is a real joy. She is doing an excellent job with Willow, such cute pictures of them in the yard.

Thank you for your vulnerability Kelly🌹

Here’s a HUGE 🤗. Thought I can’t physically be there, as a mother, know I care about you and your girls!

As a respiratory therapist, I’ve seen people suffer the way Ray did in his last days, and watched the families struggle through this unbelievably horrific nightmare. I have been retired for 2 years now, and I still have nightmares from it. I’m so glad that you’re able to talk about it now. I hope it is cathartic for you. ❤

Man! Some cancers are just worse than others. I’m glad you had Ray as long as you did but so glad he’s not suffering anymore. He is healthy & whole now. He is with Jesus and at peace. Thank you for your transparency. Still praying for you! Love & hugs!!!❤️❤️❤️

My heart is breaking. I’m so sorry you all had this suffering.

Thank you for speaking about this, Kelly. As someone with chronic pain, I was put on high doses of pain medications. I know that it changed who I was and, although it eased my pain some, it didn't take the pain away. For these reasons, as well as the knowledge that the meds were supressing my breathing, I no longer take pain medication. It is so important to bring this problem to light. People tend to just think of "drug addicts" without knowing that so many came by their addiction for legitimate reasons. God bless you ladies❤

Thank you for sharing! I am sorry Ray suffered so much with cancer. Sorry, too, you + your daughters suffered so much, watching Ray wither away. Heartbreaking what you ALL went through. God bless all of you!!! Ray is so proud of you, Kelly, for the mom you are + were to him + 😅how brave you are, with sharing your story! ❤❤❤

Awe Kelly! What a horrible journey! I am so proud of your bravery to share your truth! You are right! This is what it is about . My mother died of cancer and my very close friend did as well! Plus I worked in Healthcare and saw sooo much! To hear a mom talk about her child's pain, your daughters' pain and your pain, is just so heart wrenching! I really hope that anybody else who is going through this, can find "validity" for lack of a better word, in their feelings and their truths! Thank you Kelly! ❤

Rays was not addicted. He needed them. If he did not have pain, he wouldn’t have needed them. I was an oncology nurse for over 20 yrs. I also lost a son to cancer after almost 4 yrs of chemo, radiation and surgery. We had hospice at the end and never ever had to worry about him getting enough medication. He had oxygen, a chest tube and a drain in his liver. He passed at his in-laws home surrounded by family and friends. He was 28. I agree it is the worst to watch your child go through this. I am so sorry for you and your family. Please get any help you can to deal with your feelings. It’s been almost 11 yrs since my son passed and last yr was the worst, maybe because it was the 10 yr anniversary. It hit me like a sledge hammer. I’m better now with help. I can’t say it will the same for you, there is no road map for this. Bless you and your family.

Thank you, Kelly for sharing everything. Thank you, Kayla for sharing Willow. My prayers and Blessings are with you all always. God Bless.

As a pain management patient, I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I have had 17 surgeries for endometriosis ( stage 4) and interstitial cystitis ( I have no lining in my bladder so urine acidity is excruciating) it seems like I get to a decent level of pain relief for 6/8 months and then it has to be changed again. It has changed my personality. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself and the things I say. But I don’t abuse the meds because we have a pill count and if you’re called, you have to go to the office and a nurse practitioner will count everything. I sympathize with Ray in this capacity because there’s nothing worse than hearing the insurance denying payment and then you are sick on top of sick waiting to get your prescriptions. Kelly everything you as a mother went through and are still going through shows just how strong and how hard you fought for your precious son. I’m glad you chose to speak about the pain management because there’s a lot of people that never dreamed that diseases could cause them to be addicted to medications that I’ll never be off of unless there’s a medical breakthrough. God bless you for having the strength and humbleness to tell this part of Ray’s story and your families experience.

As a practicing nurse for 40 years…I can attest that you speak truth.

Kelly, talk as much as you want. We are here. We (if you can imagine) are here, with you & for you. We care, we will listen & we will do our best to hold you up & support you. You have endured something that NO parent ever wants to deal with. You are a very, very strong person. Ray was very blessed to have you. ❤

I cried with you, Kelly. Love and prayers for you, your girls, & Ray. ❤️🙏 God Bless you all…

I’m so sorry. God Bless you for having the strength and wisdom to share. You are helping many people who may have to make hard decisions about their healthcare . Now they will be informed as to what they may endure depending on their choices.

Stay strong Kelly. Speaking about this is so good for your soul. We’re here for you.❤❤

Kelly... I hear what your saying. But if we "knew" all the future course of our battles.. we would no longer have hope to drive us thru the worst of times.... And hope is all we have left sometimes.

Kelly, I am so so sorry. I can't imagine what that was like. I am so grateful for you sharing your story. God bless you and your family. ♥♥♥

Kelly you are strong I went through the same cancer and exact same surgery with my boy friend of 24 years He was diagnosed June 5 2020 Made it till Aug 24 22 I haven’t ever had anyone to talk to Thank you for being strong to tell what really happens Be strong Kelly

It’s ridiculous that they wouldn’t fill pain medication for a terminal patient. That’s disgraceful.

I watched my stepdad in hospice gasping for air and his whole body moving with every breath he took. I am so sorry you all had to go through this and especially sorry Ray had to go through it. He was so amazing. I wish I could give you all a hug. TFS

Kelly I truly can’t believe what all of you have been through. I think that you and your daughters were true Angels for Ray. He’s now watching over all of you.

It is NOT an addiction when you deal with the level of end of life pain. Please dont look at this so harshly dear. Whenever someone suffers like that i dont see it as addiction to meds but addicted to getting relief from a deep level of pain. Much love to you dear!

I was also a hospice nurse and everything the nurse below said is true. It is sad that you didn't have the support and education you needed.

Kelly theres no words I can say to comfort you. I love you and your girls. You are in my prayers. Please dont lose faith Kelly. God bless and heal you all. ❤❤🙏🙏

So sorry. God Bless you.

It is so crazy they treat everyone like an addict, like someone said he might be dependent not an addict, pain med is needed. Most doctors do not know what an addict is.

This was a living hell for all of you. I can’t imagine the hurt you felt in your heart for him. I’m so sorry Ray and your whole family had to endure this traumatic end.

😢thank you for being so courageous to share your vulnerability and your truth with us.

❤ I appreciate you sharing... I've been a nurse since 1977 retired during the pandemic

Thank you Kelly, you and your girls are so amazing. I so admire you for what you’ve gone thru with Ray and you have handled it all with love and grace. God bless you all.

Dear Kelly, I know it wasn’t easy for you to speak to us about this, but you had helped so many people more than you know. Hugs 💔💔💔

So sorry. You were so strong for your son!!! Amazing love for him. May the Lord Jesus give you peace!!!

Kelly , I am so sorry for the suffering Ray went through, and the pain you and the girls are going through. I pray each morning that the Lord will help you and the girls during this time of grief. God Bless

😭😭😭 I'm sorry you had to go through this with your son and family. I'm sure Ray was very grateful for all your love and support. Your so strong and brave Kelly. Just please remember your not alone

I understand what you mean about grieving the loss of the first Ray, my son was a fun loving,carefree, rambunctious boy at 5 years old when he was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, he was hospitalized for 3 months, and came home unable to walk, talk and eat. It was like losing him twice when he did die after a long convalescence with damage from radiation and shunt malfunctions. He was completely different after his many surgeries, but he was softer and sweeter. When he died I had and still have, so much guilt for expecting him to be like he was before, my patience wasn't what it should have been. I am so sorry for the hell you have and are going through, the pain will soften over time but I am sorry to say, it will never go away completely.

I wish I knew just the right words to say. I pray that you get comfort knowing that you did your very best for Ray. You are a good mother. ❤

I too watched my husband essentially suffocate from respiratory failure. He was moved to ICU 2 days before he very unexpectedly coded. Despite advanced attempts to save him he passed away 10/28/23. I have never felt pain or grief such as this.

Oh God kelly. I'm so sorry for all you the girls and especially ray went through. You held yourself so well never would have known this. My mothers heart breaks for you. Finding my son dead was bad enough but all you had to endure you truly are a strong woman and loving mother. Praying you and the girls heal. Those doggies will be a big help with that. Willow is so adorable and smart.❤🙏

RN here..when you have that level pain you are not addicted , managing the pain is trying to get your son back to himself. It does'nt but it would be inhumane to withold it. I 'm so sorry what you went thru and continue to go thru. thank you for sharing. You joined a club none of us want to be a member of. I came home one day and my 28 yr old lay dead. I saved so many in my career but not him. Just know I am praying for you and yours. I hope I have not mis spoken ,I want to help.

Your son is no longer sick ….he is an angel in heaven🙏🏻

You go girl! Far too many of those who have not had to deal with cancer and the loss of a loved one will be shocked by what you say. Those of us who have, thank you for spppeaking your truth. Cancer is a brutal disease. There are no words for the depth of the pain and suffering one will go through as cancer takes away life. Thank you for your honesty.

It is good that you are letting it out. Hope this helps other people going through similar things. Sending you a huge hug.

You are so brave to share your story. We are here for you ❤

Bless your heart! You have dealt with something that very few other people have had to live with. Please know that your followers want to support you. You can lean on us without judgment. What you and your family have been through is horrific. We stand to support you.

Bless his heart. What a difficult time for you all.This gradual decline must have been so heart breaking.

i'm so glad you are able to talk about this! you have gone through a hell no mother should ever have to experience, yet here you are helping others by sharing. i've seen what cancer does to a person and their loved ones firsthand and commend you for having the guts to get on here and bare your heart and soul. thank you for that

I can totally relate to what you’re saying, so completely! I wanted to contact you when you first posted about Ray’s cancer. I couldn’t because cancer stole my daughter’s life at 28 years old, leaving her 2 1/2 year old son without a mother. I wanted so badly for the outcome to be complete healing for Ray, here on earth. I have always believed my baby’s total healing came when she reached heaven, but I was praying for your son, that it be here on earth. Anyway, pain management was even brought in for my daughter, with terminal AML (Acute myeloid Leukemia) FLT3, (3rd most deadly at the time) saying she was becoming addicted. You are so right about how gradual the change was. The doctors put her into a medically induced coma because her anger or outbursts became so bad. This is obviously an extremely condensed version and my daughter was in the hospital when she died in my arms. She was only in remission for a few months before it hit her again, harder than ever. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. Love to you and your family.

It was very exciting watching Kayla training Willow. Willow looks like a teddy bear.

Oh my heart! So very sorry for your loss, an enormous loss that no one can comprehend. Sending you healing hugs and love to you and your family.

Kelly, thank for speaking about your experience. I know that there’s someone out there that needed to hear this and to let them know that they are not alone. My heart goes out to you and your family for your loss. Kelly, just remember that you are loved. Continue to have you and your girls in my prayers.

You can't believe how therapeutic your words and sharing are to not only you but to some who hear you. I'm sorry not only for your loss of your son but intangible losses. Thank you! God bless you and the girls.

So sorry for all you had to go through. Thank you though, for sharing. Take care 🤗

I am so sorry for your loss! I know that losing a child is THEE hardest thing to endure! I lost my son after 15 years of surgery after surgery and I so understand the so called pain management issue! It’s an exhausting process when it comes to the doctors! Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family!

So sweet to see how much your dogs love you. Our pets can be so comforting.🥰

Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. Sending you and your family positive vibes and healing energy

I would love to see the babies after their grooming❤️❤️

My heart breaks for you and the girls that you had to go through the terrible ordeal of watching your child go through the pain and suffering I can't imagine how I would cope if one of my children went through what Ray went through you continue to be in my prayers

Kelly as an RN and a mom, I can’t even fathom the pain in which you’re going though. I see people die every single day and it never gets easier, but when it’s your child, it’s a whole different story! So many prayers your way from Ohio and I will hold your name up in prayer so the Lord is sure to hear it. God bless you in this ridiculously hard time.

I’m m so very sorry that you & the girls had to go through that. And of course Ray. I can’t even imagine as a mom to watch one of my kids go through that. You & the girls are in my thoughts and prayers 🙏🏻🙏🏻

My. Sweet Girl I am so sorry you have gone through this. I am so in awe of you. Wishing you a blessed year of healing you continue to amaze me.

Kelly, I just want to hug you and watch you get better bit by bit. All you had to go through was heartbreaking, but being an amazing Mom you powered through pain and tears. You are amazing

Oh, Kelly! My prayers of comfort, peace, and love are with your family! Hugs from AZ

Thank you for sharing something so private of yourself. We care for you and your family. Sending prayers 🙏 of healing.

Nothing has ever made me wish I had more middle fingers than cancer. I am so sorry that all of you had to go through all of this. You may not feel like it, but you have such strength! It takes a lot of strength to get on here and tell Ray's story (and yours). Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart really goes out to all of you. ❤

All I can say is I love you and I’m so sorry that you and Ray had to go through this. You are in my prayers. ❤️🙏

Thank you for sharing Kelly, sending love to your family and i will keep you all in my prayers ❤

Kelly, you are so brave to open up about something so personal. I feel this can really help people. Thank you ❤

Thank God for our pets. They really do give us love & comfort

I instantly knew that he lost the fight, just when you started talking. 😢 I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤😭😭💔❤️ You're all in my thoughts and prayers ❤❤

You’re amazing thank you for sharing your pain. I suffer grief & find talking about your loved one helps the journey. Grief is the ultimate gift of love may God be with you all.🌹💕

You are speaking for a lot of us, Kelly. We love you and hold you in our hearts.

Prayers for you and your family.