When I was converting to Catholicism and healing from SSA, I had to shut off my liberal parents who would rather have a gay son to parade for his equally liberal friends than a happy son. Now they finally have seen that my conversion is real, but I had to be very strict on them for a few months - it’s excruciating to make your mother cry, but God comes first. Now everyone I love, I love them through Our Lord Jesus and His Blessed Mother. This has finally set the right perspective on my life.

Had to do this with my daughter and I prayed for her everyday. She was a heroine addict. She got sober and our relationship is so good now. Praise God! Just because we might have to close a door doesn’t mean that the door is closed forever…..just for now. God is good 🙌🏼

In my opinion, people nowadays are too quick and eager to cut off loved ones. Sometimes it's necessary, but when everyone in our culture tells us to do it for the slightest inconvenience, it may not be prudent to do so without thinking deeply and honestly about it.

love this, so important. I had to cut off my personality-disordered mom when I had my first child as I would set boundaries and she would not (or could not) respect them. all of my emotional energy was going to her and not my child so I decided to go no-contact to break the cycle of dysfunctional and emotionally abusive (sometimes physically too) relationships in my family line. it was difficult and came with massive guilt that I have worked through over the years. I no longer feel guilty and I am able to give myself to my children in a way that they need that is healthy for them, not in the way she "needed" which never actually helped her and left me feeling crazy. the longer I am NC with her, the more compassion I have for her, but times she has burst back into my life with her crazy-making have shown me she has not changed and I made the right choice. it's hard being a mom of young children without an earthly mother to lean on, but that is why I have such a devotion to Our Lady. she loves and mothers me from Heaven and I would be lost without her. recommended reading for Christians struggling with boundaries is Boundaries by McCloud and Townsend. that book changed my life.

A Christian counselor once told me that love is also "not allowing someone to have the opportunity to sin more by trampling over you..." Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to allow some space and fervently pray for that person. ♡

I have had to practice similar distancing with parents and other relatives over the years. While they may not receive such action well, it is better for my life and doesn't drag me down into their madness. Good discussion and thank you for bringing it to attention.

I had to do this with a toxic friend when I was very young. It hurt immensely because I knew her behavior was heavily influenced by a poor childhood. However she was harmful for me and other friends and had deeply dangerous behaviors that were ruining me. Years later we don’t see each other much, but she has grown as a person and is in a much better situation. It also helped me to become stronger and prevented me from continuing to be overly permissive to others’ mistreatment of me.

Great topic. Nice to hear a Catholic perspective on this very important issue.

This is really good. It’s a reminder that loving someone is wanting the best for them - willing them good. It does not mean you necessarily jeopardize what is best for you. And that letting them hurt you, ultimately isn’t loving because it’s allowing them to do wrong and that is not good for them.

Yes, I agree, honoring the parent, can be by forgiveness and praying for them.

I very much appreciate the topic in this video and the specific conversation that came forth about it. Thank You! Nonetheless, I want to emphasize how important it is that each one of us needs to do everything in their power to make boundaries temporary. To not cut off people for ever, if you can help it.

I wish I had shut the door on my father in a better tone. Unfortunately that is not what happened. I could try and reach out to him but I know him well enough to know that things would only escalate all the more.

Thank you so much for having this episode! It helped me feel that I did the right thing with two family members and keeping them away from my kids. We continue to pray for them, I just do not keep in contact with them.

Wow Thank you. I needed to here this. I have cut a parent out of my life. They have caused harm to my Life since I was a child. And even now occasionally when I’m around them or speak with them they do or say things that show me that they still the same. One of my siblings still goes through the abuse and she calls me sometimes to complain and I started to put a boundary even from hearing the problems because it’s emotionally draining to always hear the same problems. And I tell my sister she needs to set healthy boundaries but she refuses because she thinks it will be a sin. Or it would make her a bad daughter. And when we stay away this parent puts themselves in situations where we feel like we need to run to their aid. But it’s all based on bad decisions they are making in there own life. The most exhausting thing about it is that he talks to everyone about how we mistreatment him and how we don’t Love him. So he gains sympathy from other people who then try to contact me to tell me that my behavior as a son is not good. The things he is doing to me and my siblings are the things he says we’re doing to him. He makes up complete lies about us to other friends and Family. It’s exhausting. That’s why I just keep a long arms length between us because it’s emotional and mentally draining to the point where I feel like it’s not fair to my Wife and kids. Who has to deal with there depressed father and husband. Because I spend alot of my energy trying to fix my relationship with my parents even though they don’t even appear to see there problems let alone change them. This conversation can never take place because they’ll me accuse of exaggerating or say I’m being dramatic. Or most of the time they say all of it is in my head. Which would make your head explode if you let it. My whole life I wondered if I was emotionally or mentally unstable, because they’ve convinced me that maybe all my suffering with them was all in my head. Until Ive set boundaries and kept distance and focused on building my life. I began to heal and feel so much at peace. Not at first of course but it only took a few months and now I feel so much at peace both me and my wife. Its been two years now and we’re so much better for it. But since they can’t get to us directly. They employ other siblings and other family to attempt to make us fell guilty about keeping distance. That’s why this video so important to me because I needed a reminder that I’m not causing this. A reminder to myself that I’m not just making myself a victim this is really happening and keeping my distance is an appropriate response. Thank You

I have a friend who is from a Catholic family. She wasn't raised in the faith however, as neither of her parents stuck with the Catholic faith even though they were both born into it. But my friend grew to learn about it independently and she converted. She is getting married this year, to a wonderful Catholic man. Her mother at times hasn't been very happy with her conversion, but still has an open heart and is happy for her daughter regardless. Her father, however, is one of those very serious and weird freemasons and condemns her conversion and her choice of husband. He has refused to give his blessing and is refusing to attend the wedding because it is a proper sacramental marriage. She is very traditional, like myself, and wants her father's blessing and permission for her choice in husband so much. It's a very tricky and painful situation. She should not have to deny her vocation and put her life/marriage/future family on hold because of how misguided he is, but it's still hard for her to move forward and start her new family knowing she is completely going against her father. She is still getting married but is just leaving the door open in case he ever wants to reconcile with her. Neither of my parents are Catholic but they are so supportive of my conversion and this just reminds me how lucky I am to have them.

The best way you can "honor your mother and father" is to simply live a live of virtue.

Just discovered Dr Breuninger on another Catholic channel. So grateful for someone who counsels and talks about healing thru Catholic perspective. We cant heal without Christ. Great video. Thank you!

One of the mystics, I think it was Anne Catherine Emmerich, but I could be wrong, spoke of the relationship between St Joseph and his family. If correct, she told us that St Joseph came from a rich family in Bethlehem, but they they mistreated him. So, he distanced himself from them. I have often thought of this story when contemplating St Joseph. It is absolutely unquestionable that St Joseph was a good man and as such he loved his family despite how they treated him. I hope anyone with similar questions reflects on the fact that we are called to love God first and foremost. God loves us all and we are His children. In the same theme as Dr B's answer, if we allow people to hurt us or keep lining ourselves up for punishment from those who mis treat us, we enable them to sin, and the better course is to avoid them as St Joseph (allegedly) did. Reflect on Matthew 18:6 and Gods love for us.

I cut my mother off 15 years ago because she was hurting me emotionally to the point of deep depression and suicidal thoughts. I didn’t explain why because she is narcissistic and does not understand that she is hurting me. I pray for her every day but I am feeling guilty because she is 88 now and lives alone. I want to reconcile but I don’t know if I should or how.

Thank you so much for making a clip of this question!

John Chrysostom (Homily LVI (LV)) ): If we cut off the rotten limbs...; and we do not do it out of contempt for the member, but to keep the others healthy. How much more should we do it with those who are badly united to us? If we could not take harm from them because they would mend, we should try our best; but if they are incorrigible and harm us, it is imperative to cut them off and cast them out from us. With this they themselves will often get more profit.

I have been struggling with this lately. I cut off my toxic mom recently. Too many years of abuse and gas lighting. I only put up with it because I wanted peace with my mother and I wanted her to have a relationship with her grandkids. But I realized she was actually harming them more than anything. My whole family is upset with me for not talking to her… I want to forgive her, but I am not interested in having a relationship. I pray for her. But I am havin troubles forgiving my mum. I am angry. Being a good Christian is hard :p

Great & beneficial talk! Thanks guys!!!🕊

Answer to Katherine: 1. With God's help, develop the art of emotional distancing from those who are stressing you. The first priority is managing your own stress, however much a giving person to others you may be and have been for years. 2. Practice remaining silent in the face of provocations. 3. Determine the extent of communication by limiting it to a medium you are comfortable with; for example, if someone stresses you face to face, then limit their exposure to phone calls; if someone, stresses you over the phone, then limit their exposure to text messages and emails, etc. 4. Only if you still remain stressed with any form of communication should you completely cut off those you feel some sense of filial obligation to remain in touch with. 5. It was after a long lifetime that I learned these lessons, but they have served me well in managing disordered relationships with family and friends that needed to change after years of conflict, while still keeping lines of communication open with them. 6. There is nothing like going to Mass regularly to help you find your answers.

this is well needed than you both for this short clip!!!

I'm experiencing this with my daughter who is 31 years old. She was always spirited at home growing up, (no behavior problems at school) but got better in college (graduated with honors from the R.N. program) and her relationship with us as parents, and also her 3 siblings, improved. She moved to the big city and after a few years something snapped. She blames us for her problems even though she now lives several states away and we haven't seen her for nearly two years. She abuses alcohol and possibly her Adderall (she got the ADHD diagnosis which I question, at age 25). Her old boyfriend gave up after nearly four years with her. We thought they'd get married. His last words to me were, "Everything is everyone else's fault." She wanted to do family counseling, although she initiated the conflict, but hasn't cooperated very well and it seems I'm damned no matter what I do.

Gosh, I just love this guy. ❤️💙

St. Thomas Aquinas defines love as "to will the good of the other". Sometimes the deepest love and respect is manifested through tough love, the kind of caring that is often thankless and misunderstood by others. If you truly want what God wants for those you love, sometimes you have to say no, or let go, or draw a line in the sand, or shut the door. Do what you must, in love, and pray always. Look to St. Monica for help and inspiration.

My sister uses what I call “psycho babble bullshit” to justify why she walked away from our family. But the truth of the matter is she married a controlling, selfish husband who cannot get along with anyone and only wants his family. Before he came into the picture- I had a family. Now my sister does nothing with our family. Nothing. I think sometimes people like my sister can make up nonsense and believe their own lies to justify their own mean, petty and cruel behavior. In my opinion- parents (especially mother-in-law’s) get a bad rap. The ADULT children need to GROW UP! I see this in my family and my husband’s- the adult children have little virtue and a lot of immaturity!!! Our Lord said honor your mother and father for a reason and I think one should think twice before they cut their parents out of the picture- look deeply at yourself. Unless there is grave abuse- walking away is a cop-out.

Thanks be to God 🙏 I have shared a deeper response over on Locals x

Detachment is important, but there's a trend among shrinks that is dangerous and unhealthy, which is that every pain or mistake of childhood becomes a trauma. I have two kids who are out of relationship right now. One is a child for whom I had to detach while assuring the child of my love. I had to say, "You have to help yourself. You're in your 40s and helping you by treating you as a child isn't helping, but when you've helped yourself, I'm here." That child is still wandering. The other adult child found a therapist who "helped" him discover my character, which he determined was selfish and narcissistic for all time, therefore he couldn't ever talk to me again. No open doors there. b.t.w. - I never spoke to or met the therapist. It took me a year of my own therapy to tell him I was always willing to listen but he had to offer me the same courtesy. I haven't heard from him since. 25% of adult children are estranged from their parents. Something unhealthy is going on in the psych community!

Thanks for being in the real world.

GREAT clip

This confirmed several situations which I have to walk away from including transgender relatives, parish office staff etc. Situations that put me in the occasion of sin.

Like Jesus stopped talking to Pilate. He saw Pilate was stubbornly ignorant and refused to continue. I feel the same is with our relationships with friends and family

Good stuff

I’m not sure this will make it to you Matt. But I’d love to talk to you about me being the one cut off from family because I was the Heroin addict and because of that I converted to Catholicism.

Here's my opinion on the querrie. First you have to love your mental health first. There are such a thing as boundaries. Express this together with expressing healthy anger if those boundaries are crossed. If you can't regulate yourself you can't gain further grace from God. So follow this prerequisite .

I will share this with one of my siblings who is enabling another of my siblings to shirk his responsibility to be a good steward of his money. Does that make sense?

You can also do extra penance for people you love ❤️☦️

Can you have Isaac from daily disciple on as a guest for an interview? He's a protestant and I think it would be a great interview and so do his viewers.

Bless

my vicious sociopath father went in his box without regret from me

Coming from the prospective on the cut off parent I can’t disagree with you more. In Matthew 18:21 the Lord says forgive your brother 70 times 7 times. Many times my child has hurt me but he will be my child until my last breath and I will always forgive him but not so with him. I do not see much “honoring one’s parents” going on these days. It has become so easy to discard people instead of loving people through their brokenness.

Matt, are there places we can reach out and share some personal stories etc with you?! Been feeling compelled to do so lately. But, also want to respect boundaries. I share alot here in the comments sometimes. But, at times wish there was somewhere. I could reach out that is acceptable to do so.

To be frank I am watching this to find out if my family is ging to cut me off.

I don't agree with this "analysis". There isn't one answer to these challenges, also, do good to those who persecute you, I thought that mattered. Boundaries are good, but you can't always control every situation.

What about a spouse

When i came out atheist to my catholic mother she cryed rivers, but thats a small price to pay for freedom. She said she kept me and didnt have an abortion because of her religion, that made me dislike her even more. I has had a shitty shitty life and it would have been much better if I was aborted. Now i work activly for athism, the true freedom way.

I am sorry to see a Catholic program jumping on the "call everyone a gaslighter and narcissist" bandwagon. We are all sinners. Everyone has elements of these in their personality. Look for them in your own Character instead of grabbing the log in another's eye.

Are we really at the point where the main message people need is how to cut off love ones? I would think that the real need is on the other side where we need to welcome people. I understand that in extreme situations it is necessary to cut off a loved one. Cutting someone off is pretty extreme. Perhaps getting distance? Cutting off people with extreme drug problems or abuse, I understand - for the safety of the individual. Generally I would think we need to work more on being welcoming and not judging people. Thank you.

I usually enjoy your videos and this guest was awesome, but when you keep talking over him, it's very distracting.

Hi… Where did this person get the authority to say what he said? I will tell you that the real honest correct answer is to immerse in meditating on “What Would Jesus Do!!!!!” Jesus is the authority and answer. We live in a fallen world where no one is doing well. So call yourself toxic then, also. We all are! We must always help each other and not focus on our discomfort with people, and certainly not label them. Most situations are not as they seem, at all. People often become focused on themselves and their dis mcomfort to justify cutting people off and leaving them alone. That is morally wrong. Honor is respecting each other and yes detach with love. BUT….. NEVER cut off or shun anyone. NEVER! You could be the reason they may commit suicide. If you draw a boundary you can still be kind. Be there if needed. Use common sense and prayer. TOXIC IS A HORRIBLE WORD. It is used by discontented family members. I disagree with you. You just gave permission for angry or resentful people to justify cutting others off. I know of this personally type since it is happening in my family. Very very hurtful and negative when you should be raising people up higher and not labeling them as toxic…which can and does cause depression. Lies sounding good! DECEIT from the evil one. You seem to be leaving JESUS out of the equation. He did not call people toxic. Cutting someone off and saying it is a good thing is a pure lie, directly from satan. Don’t fall for that deceit please! I am not over reacting. I can see you are young and have no real depth of true understanding. Good book learning and opinions. I believe that you are now causing some listeners to decide to cut family out of their lives. So sad. 👎😢 NOTHING YOU SAID IS FROM LOVE. Dear sir…you must not abandon people no matter what. There are many many better and Christian ways to deal with these issues. This culture has influenced you waaay more than the Bible, it seems. FOLLOW JESUS…Studying Scripture and coming to KNOW and deeply love Jesus ought to help you know how He loved and sacrificed His own comfort to help others. He would never subscribe to your information. Sorry but this really was disturbing to me as you can tell! Especially since I have witnessed this bad advice in person. Please pray for Holy Spirit Guidance. Wow. WWJD What Would Jesus Do ✝️

You are not supposed to close doors on your family. Protect yourself, yes. Closing the door completely puts the full burden of that person solely upon the rest of society. This is bad advice. Why do you think the homeless population is so large? No, you don't get to throw away babies OR adults because they are not convenient for you.