Totally. I'm starting to lean towards that direction too I think. Lonelier life, but more mentally and emotionally healthy.

@@KevenTalks I highly recommend it. No Grindr, in fact no gay dating/hookup apps at all, no dating, no cruising for sex, no posting topless photos to Instagram, no gay bars/clubs and no following of any social media accounts that post attention-seeking sexual content. The allowance I give myself that if a one night stand happens spontaneously on a night out at a straight venue with no pre-arrangement online or a friend offers to set me up on a blind date then that’s okay but let’s be honest, how often do those 2 aforementioned things realistically happen? Since I gave up on men 2 years ago I’ve had a single one night stand with a guy I met on a night out for a friend’s birthday. That was completely spontaneous - I didn’t go looking for it and it didn’t come about as a result of using toxic apps. I know it must feel like a big step to totally disengage with the gay community, and it is. When I first did it 2 years ago, I felt a bit deflated coz it meant there was no one hitting me up, no one thinking I was worth a fuck, no one telling me I was good looking. Not that I got loads of male attention anyway coz I’m fairly average to look at, but I naturally fit some of the gay community’s ridiculous beauty standards (I’m white, slim etc 🙄). But after a few weeks I just stopped caring that no one was noticing me. Over the past 2 years, I’ve cut down on drinking, I consume a lot less coffee, I’m sleeping better, I do a lot more exercise, I read more, I studied for a diploma and I learnt to cook. I’m a much more rounded person since I started focusing on me instead of hooking up to prop up my ego whilst I was on the lookout for a boyfriend. I’ll definitely re-enter the dating scene again eventually. But when that happens I’m going to have a lot more to offer. And until that happens, I don’t feel like I’m wasting a few years that could be spent finding someone. I feel like I’m finding myself. And despite the occasional bout of loneliness, it has been a rewarding and much happier phase of my life.

Of course! Are u guys crazy 😂 the "gay" scene never changes. It's a carousel to nowhere.

As a member of the lgbt community (bisexual) who happens to have similar or identical bad experiences within our community.. i am sending hugs and love to you.. this is human nature my dear, people will always look for something dirty eventhough you're wearing the cleanest clothes! And also given the fact on how we were discriminated and maltreated in the past, we have carried on with those memories through adulthood and have projected and have passed it down in terms of dealing with new people hence why we have internalized homophobia or "gays being mean to fellow gays".. i deleted grindr and other gay apps too and i have been single and no hook up for 5 years!..i believe that the right people will be with us at the right time.. we just have to be open minded and learn to deal with the setbacks 🤗 cheers!

I deleted Grindr as well. I only had that app. I was never really into hooking up. I got shamed and rejected for having a 6” penis. I’m I also uncut due to my tradition and country I came from. There’s nothing I can do about it. But these guys want big oversized dicks on a prefect body. I was hurt and still some, felt a shamed and thank heavens for my straight female friends, I could vent, rant and feel supported by them

Very well said!

Hurt ppl hurt ppl is a cop op. This isnt pay it forward. Assholes hurt ppl.

I'm sorry to hear that 😓

Gays have no inhibitions about ripping off your rose coloured glasses and stomping on them. Lesson learned for me too.

@@andyswainson8114 Then taking a hot steaming dump on top of whatever's left..

Never heard this term before! Very interesting.

So true! It happens in the Native American community all the time. So much infighting for nothing.

Just another label. Thanks

Thank you for watching! 😘

They are men. Men are mean. Imagine sexual interactions without restrictions. That's the gay world We dont hear about lesbian women being bitchy or showing offish. Its because men will be men no matter the sexual orientation

Thank you!!!! No CD out lol but stay tuned...releasing a few original songs (not amateur demos!) early next year :)

Yeah I agree. It's so competitive at Gay Clubs, there are no boundaries.

I'm not a big fan of pride events either (or the commercialism/financial exploitation around it), but more so because of the distasteful 1-dimensional depiction of gay people it perpetuates...

A lot of gay men have a "mean girl" defense mechanism. I would say, don't waste your energy on friends who don't value your friendship 😘

KevenTalks You’re so sweet! Your response took all my anger away... You’re so right!

I don't blame you!

Totally AGREE!!! My wife and I are both post op trans women. We BOTH have had Really bad experiences and transphobia in all gay spaces. I have felt outright discrimination in places like Provincetown. I would much rather hang out with New Hampshire country girls or good ole boys, discuss metal music, and go fishing!!! MORE genuine people.

Very true!

I like this.

I had a thing a for a gay guy and he would flirt went and when I went too far that he didn’t like that

Thank you for watching Adam :)

I definitely think this is a big part of it. If you grow up in a very judgmental environment, you're more likely to end up judgey yourself. Even with myself, I know that's the case. And people who judge themselves harshly, tend to do so of others too.

I don't want to think of manners and kindness as "grease" though? 🥴

The "grease" that makes the world go round--wow what a metaphor.

Lol Forgive me for a mixed metaphor! The grease that makes the machine run smoothly! 😂

"I decided that I would rather face life without someone holding my hand as opposed to spending my life with a viper" So well said!! Thank you for watching my videos :)

have you ever considered being a writer? You have quite a way with words.

Nooo don't mimic negative behavior 😢

Cesar Olivas everyone has different levels of empathy and compassion I suppose 🤷🏻‍♂️ that being said I think there’s a difference between being straight up rude or mean and just not responding to a message on an app...

It's taken me years to learn this.

Thank you for the thoughtful and kind words 😘

KevenTalks you’re welcome

WTF! People are so weird! Talk about projection 🫠

Jealousy, trauma, and projection I guess 😪

Maybe they just understand that straight guys and women will more likely kick their asses for such behaviour?

Well damn! That's good advice.

I tried that once. Not in those words but to the same effect and he didn't crumble. He amped up the toxicity like he'd done this many times and i was wishing i had a back up plan.

So true 😪

It FOR SURE is a symptom of something because it's systematic!

I wonder if, just a thought, you were in the wrong place with the wrong people? Many of the guys commenting on here seem really great and level headed. In a bar or a club, music, alcohol and drugs, you often meet some pretty twisted characters. Would it be worth having another go in a very different space, a book club, discussion group, support group etc??

@@johnhobbs621 I don’t disagree. I wouldn’t know where to start. I’m too far in the closet that I even sometimes forget I’m gay. I’ve been closeted for 6 years now, so I don’t know if I can come out now. I’m fully arrested that I have sentenced myself to eternal loneliness. I signed a “contract” with myself which stipulates should I ever come out, then the exit clause that I have to exercise is taking my own life. Honored that contract for 6 years now.

@@TheSultanV I feel for you, I think there is another way though. If you're gay then that's a fact and no changing it, so as you know this (although you say you sometimes forget you're gay) then you are out already as in you've come to terms with this aspect of yourself many years ago. That's it, you don't now need to do anything more than you feel comfortable with. However this self imposed exile seems very brutal, please find love for yourself and live any life that makes you happy and comfortable. You don't need to follow any rules or limit yourself in any way. Sending you a big hug and the very best of luck.

@@johnhobbs621 this may be true. I had shared his thoughts for decades until I opened my own restaurant 10 years ago. An undeniable part of my regular customers are gay men and we often have the greatest conversations with absolutely 0 sexual tension or animosity. Some of them have even become good friends when we found out we shared many common centers of interest. That’s why I also think it all depends on the context in which we interact with each other in the first place

It's a strange thing. I understand the "bitterness" some gay men feel about seeing women at gay bars - specifically straight women, because it often feels like they're there for entertainment purposes (we are not anyone's entertainment...). If every gay guy brings a female friend, then suddenly it's not so much a gay bar anymore. What's worse is if those female friends bring a boyfriend - and suddenly you're hitting on straight guys, getting rejected, and it's very triggering in the end to feel like you're just surrounded by straight men and women when it's supposed to be "a safe place" for you to be gay and be surrounded by other gay men. At the same time, it's not cool to exclude people from anywhere, or for anyone to feel unwanted - that in itself would be hypocritical for any gay person to do to someone else.

Great points!

So well said!!! Yes I think a lot of people (especially gay men) aren't even conscious, sadly, of the internalized abuse / trauma they hold inside which they end up projecting onto others.

So true 😫

Totally. I have a saying (that I made up lol): "my childhood trauma comes from straight people, but my adult trauma comes from gay people." Honestly though, you see that in every culture or community - colorism for example among black people, latinos, Asians, etc. or how women treat each other as well when they feel threatened by "competition."

That's interesting. So you're saying it transitioned onto the apps? I guess that makes sense. It's easier for people to be emotionally detached or rude behind text messages.

@@KevenTalks Exactly. I cancelled my only subscription to a hook up app 10 years ago and have never gone back. The guys on there reminded me of the guys I use to try to talk to in the bars back then.

That's an interesting point! One generation dumping onto the next...

That's a good point - social media (or any technology that allows for text communication really) makes people feel comfortable saying things they'd never dare say in person or even over a phone call.

KevenTalks totally! I think we are going to see a generation come through that have grown up with social media/internet as a major way to communicate and it will be ‘interesting’ to see how they handle any face to face communication. I work with some younger people who will try and fight their way through any discussion as their default position and I find that the only way to get through to them is to be completely aggressive in my style. They quickly back off because they can’t deal with any confrontation! It’s dad isn’t it. On social media they can get away with it but in person they don’t have the coping mechanisms!

KevenTalks as you can clearly see I have so many thoughts, theories and opinions around this topic! I have also seen the rise of straight people (mainly women but some men) behave like stereotypical gay men. Basically, it’s not a good thing because they don’t have the skills to understand or sustain this type of behaviour. It’s like giving a child a box of matches! Am I making sense? I’d be keen to hear your thoughts!

I personally think it's a double-edged sword. I think this kind of technology has helped my generation (millennials) and the one after it (Gen Z) have a "figure it out" mentality with problem-solving. They pick up devices and figure out how to make things work, whereas I've seen co-workers 2-3 times our ages be totally inept at trying or learning new things in a professional setting. So, that is a super useful skill. But yes, perhaps it's left a negative mark on communication skills. Certainly texts and emails have made us lose the elegance and precision of writing - to think I grew up being told "you'll need cursive your whole adult life!"

Totally. A little kindness goes a long way!

JPS if only more guys behaved like you! Keep it up 🙌🏻

Merci! :)

🙏

None of us are unlovable 💜

I don't know that one! Funny you'd mention Vanessa Williams, I was thinking a while back I should do a cover of "Colors of the Wind"...thanks for supporting both of my channels! 😘

Thank you for your kinds words :) And thank you for watching and subscribing!

KevenTalks We should be thanking YOU. Live in Denver, when you are in the “mile high city” dinner, and the theatre is on me. You will see, I am NOT like the others. What makes your channel work is that it’s refreshing, and different. Basically, you can say, it contains a soul all of its own.

@@TroyMANator2 You're very sweet, thank you :) Glad to hear that.

Very interesting. Thank you for sharing this 🙏

@@KevenTalks I do hope I didn't come off as a jerk. :( had a bad week.

Not at all and don't worry, same here 😅@@vesuviustitanus4006

That's great! Where do you meet guys?

I get what you're saying, but I don't have a million options...I have very gay few friends and the straight ones I have, don't really hang out with many gay guys, or at least the kind of gay guys I'd be compatible with...

@@KevenTalks Keven, I have the same problem. It is incredibly difficult to meet sincere men who are looking for a sincere, caring, loving and permanent relationship, more especially if you are looking for a good looking man too. I know exactly what your problem is. For me, it is.has been particularly difficult because I live in a small town in the UK where there is no gay scene that I am aware of. (Living in a small town and coming from a conservative family makes it even more difficult: one has one's own reputation to consider and the reputation of one's family as well. Especially is one is known in the district.) I have had very few gay relationships my life, but the few I have had have been quality ones. The last one was with an American. It lasted eighteen years. But he died in 2016, in a hospital in Philadelphia. He drew his last breath before my very eyes! It was a devastating experience! He had tongue cancer, even though he was not a smoker. It was a horrible end to a wonderful relationship. After his death and after my return to the UK, I entered a protected period of trauma and grief. I also fell into a depression. (Though I refused medical help for it; I just let nature takes its course.) It has taken me five long years to feel somewhat normal again. (You never get over the pain, by the way; you just learn to live with it.) There are some wonderful gay men out there. The major problem is finding them. I can tell by your videos that you are a sincere man: kind, considerate, caring and loving. This makes you vulnerable. Take care, my friend! I don't want you to get hurt. I wish you all the luck in the world in your quest for happiness. It's not easy, but don't give up. Bonne chance dans ta quête pour trouver le bon partenaire. Tu mérites d'en trouver un.

@@xelakram Merci beaucoup pour avoir partagé ton histoire...bonne chance à toi aussi! 😘

@@KevenTalks Pas mon histoire, juste une infime partie de celle-ci. Je ne voulais pas que tu pense que tu étais seul dans tes luttes. Je ta souhaite également tout le meilleur. J'espère que tu trouveras la personne de tes rêves. Bonne chance dans ta recherche ! Mais j'espère que tu ne seras pas blessé dans ta quête. 👍🏻 🌈

lol

Thank you for watching Stephanie!

Exactly 😔

Hang in there! Eventually you'll find a good group of friends, trust me :) It can take a while to find "diamonds in the rough" as you said.

Yes 🥲

"full blown"? If only they did that instead of acted like Joan Crawfords!

🙏

What, pray tell, is a Regina george complex? As for bullying, the majority of gay men were bullied in school but not all ended up being bitchy queens as a result. I was bullied for 8 years. Never once thought of suicide like kids do nowadays. I just told myself I'm cool and the bullies were "squares".

People who are very hard on themselves definitely tend to be hard on others! Stay tuned for a video related to this very soon!

This video was recorded years ago haha!

Agreed!

Why be angry at someone for not being attracted to you though? Disappointed, I get - but angry? I once met a guy - a friend's friend - who hit on me in a group setting and I didn't reciprocate - the resentment that came out of him was so ugly. It affected the group's vibe the rest of the night. I thought, wow - this guy has some crazy self-entitlement issues.."toxic masculinity" indeed. I never forgot that moment...

KevenTalks yea I’m not sure about that guy but I feel like for me it stems from thinking they can have whoever they want and I can’t. They have all the power and I’m powerless. It’s definitely a form of insecurity. And I’d find things to excuse or justify this. For example, I’d attribute it to them being a white man and I am not and that’s why they rejected me because they’re racist.

But I’ve come to realize, I am attractive and I am worthy of attention and sex and love. I have a right to having standards/preferences (something I thought I was too ugly to have) it has helped me let go of that resentment. Once I stopped trying to be perfect or compare myself to “porn star good looking” gay men, I realized I’m actually fine lol. Still can’t help but wonder and somewhat dislike white gay men sometimes because of their elitist attitudes. But I digress

Thank you :)

Hello Kev I offer a sane. reasonable. Measured profile text with similar photos. I am seeking sincere connections which could lead to sincere dating. So I present myself as " datable". When I receive texts from totally sexually hyperbolic men. And photos of themselves in orgy photos. I ask them why they felt compelled to contact me. I ask to only be contacted by SINGLE. Me . But many open relationships contact me with sexually aggressive profiles. I do tell them that we are not on a similar journey. They often get hostile toward me, saying. "We all know we are here for the same thing". They often approach each other as if they are sex workers. We are not all online to engage with sex workers.

Agreed!

Ugh I hate that!! "We're all here for the same reason." What a sense of entitlement and immaturity that someone thinks you must want and seek exactly what they want and seek!!!

@RJCarter/ Why don't you just cut to the chase & call it a pathology?

As Kev said in the video, gay men are very nice to straight people but they are the complete opposite towards other gay men. 150% true.

Very strange but accurate.

The idea that this "mean syndrome" only applies to gay men is absolutely ridiculous. Haven't u seen the comments section of just about any online forum? It's everybody everywhere for crying out loud!

​@@Pat7629 I remember in bigbrother 2 here in the UK there was a gay guy Brian and he was the only gay in the house, then later in the show they sent in another gay(hoping to be a romantic interest for Brian) and he reacted extremely negatively to the other gay man. He wanted to be the only gay in the house lol..few years later there was a sitcom called little britain made and one of the characters in it was inspired by Brian...the characters name was Dafydd and he was a gay guy who wanted to be the only gay in the village.

Get involved with a volunteer group that helps the needy like habitat for humanity or the homeless. It's rewarding and gives you some purpose helping others. Plus It's a good way to meet friends outside your normal social circle.

@@9395gb I appreciate you offering advice. It's hard for me to make time to volunteer while I'm working, but on the bright side I've made some gay friends since this post. They may have been attracted to me at some point but we worked things out and are still friends. I also found a man to date and I'm hoping for the best with him right now. It's been a long time since I've found someone to date like this so my mood is much better lately. For anyone else who reads this and is struggling, I hope things improve for you with time too!

Definitely - mean-spiritedness is not just a gay thing but it seems to be more pervasive, in my experience, among gay men.

Yes, as someone else said in the comments "hurt people hurt people."

I love your honesty. Thank you. When all is said and done everybody just wants to be loved and understood. We can often forget that we are mere mortals and take this journey far too seriously. I hope you find your simple guy xo

I feel like it's kinda anywhere that there's a "gay scene" but yes maybe more pronounced in America

@@KevenTalks Yes I agree , I don't mean to seem anti American btw Lol …a lot of wonderful things come from America and I think the gay community is getting over the whole "looking perfect" hangup . God knows we've all piled a few pounds on during lockdown ;-) Maybe "chubby chic" will be the new go to look .

@@MrLetmein2011 Haha chubby chic! Love it! I, miraculously, seem to have lost weight (don't ask me how, because I've been stress eating just like anyone else)

@@KevenTalks Skinny Bitch!! Lol I've just spent the evening watching some of your video's , I find them very interesting and thought provoking .

@@MrLetmein2011 Thank you for watching!

Exactly. Quite a conundrum, isn't it? The people you want to build a community with are also the people you're attracted to (and/or they're attracted to you) and therefore there's inherently an element of "competition" as well. It's a recipe for a mess lol

@@KevenTalks it’s tough I will say that. Wanna find love not a war.

Thank you :) You can check out my music channel here: www.youtube.com/@villagekev

😂😂😂

Hello! Naturally, there are rude people everywhere, but I did find that it was particularly stronger in the U.S...although Israel had a few jerks too lol. I think outside of those countries, anywhere else where I've been, people are generally much nicer, especially in Europe.

KevenTalks thanks for replying, i just wondered. hopefully see you in the uk one day come to the northern english cities Liverpool Manchester Newcastle when we can travel again travelling? “i don’t know her” 🙈

@@benconnolly4258 lol! And I actually love London and would like to return to the UK at some point

Thank you sir!

lol

lol true!!!

Oh wow thank you 🙈

@@KevenTalks Be in touch if you're in Israel

lol

I always am! 😜

It makes sense, since this hints at a larger problem with gay people projecting complexes at each other!

lol, if only I could find them! 😜

Huh?

Yeah definitely a lot of cycles repeated among gay men

True 👏

Thank you 🙈

I remember seeing clips of one of those and was so disappointed (in their behavior).