I think one of the hardest things to deal with is being made to feel so special and then being made to feel so worthless by the same person.

Hold them accountable and they will throw you away so fast...

I live in California, and met nothing but narcissists my whole life. By the time the narcissist is through abusing a person, that person no longer trusts in love. I'm there.

10:40 "the hard part for people to admit was this person was not in love with you". sadly, it takes a while, sometimes a long while to finally realize and accept this fact.

Was it love in the first place or was it simply a question of using us for their own benefit and telling us they love us as they manipulate everything and anything for their benefit?

A lot of times, it’s just a game to them to see if they can make you love them based on lies and deceit. It’s almost like they get off getting away with manipulating you. I don’t believe it starts that way, but it does end up like that.

All love should be unconditional. That doesn’t mean that you should accept abuse. You can have boundaries, and having boundaries doesn’t mean that your love would be conditional. Because boundaries have nothing to do with the love you have for someone, but the love you have for yourself and to protect your sense of self and emotional wellbeing. Narcissistic love (conditional love), is when their love is like “I’ll give you this if you do this and that for me”. And if you are not X, Y and Z and are not “earning” their love by meeting their conditions of worth then they will withhold their love for you. This really means that they don’t actually love YOU, they only love what THEY get from you, what they expect from you, what they benefit from you… since they are not able to love themselves they make other people responsible for mitigating their lack of self-love

My first thought after reading the title 💣 💥 they never loved you to begin with

This all resonates so much. I do feel embarrassed now that I realize how emotionally abusive my ex was and that he was narcissistic. It’s a lot. You described so much of how it played out, thoughts I’ve had, things I’ve said. Ways I described what I desired in the relationship for both of us. It was never enough! It is extremely difficult and hurtful to accept that he didn’t love me like he said and pretended he did. He discarded me so fast after I started pushing back on his words and behavior. Of course, at first I apologized for calling him out and hurting his feelings cause that’s how it always went. So embarrassing in hind sight. He needed to be held accountable and I was starting, just hadn’t figured out how to stay strong in the face of his reactions. I can work on that in the future and feel better knowing that I was trying to be healthy (with my mistakes too) but it’s not going to happen with an unhealthy person.

She never loved me. You need a heart to love.

I don't think the narcissist ever loved anyone. They're really good at faking it, as long as it's to their advantage to do so.

was so hard to hear 'you're the perfect bf, I couldn't ask for a better partner, you tick all the boxes, ill never meet anyone like you again....but my feelings have changed'. after 8 years and totally out of the blue. I thought we were starting a family. crushed

Torturing you to test your commitment up until you break.

Yes I agree. He made me feel so special and loved. Always wanting to be with me every day. Taking me places. He gave me his key to his apartment in two months. Then after 3 months he's ex wife started calling all the time. Then I admit I started getting jealous. Then poof he started avoiding me and ghosting me. I did this unfortunately for two years. That's because he was still telling me that he loved me. Two weeks ago I saw him with another girl. I'm like WOW. My heart is so sad.

I’m going through a breakup right now and this video helped me realize we had a toxic love! Both of us weren’t healed when we got into this relationship we came in with a need, a void we wanted someone to fill. Now I’m on a journey of healing myself and understanding what a healthy me and a healthy relationship looks like. Your videos have been a God send! Thank you Stephanie ❤

I have sadly experienced this 1st hand and worked with others through the pain and confusion of watching your relationship burn up in flames overnight.

You are hitting all the bases today. Thank you:)

Healthy love vs toxic love and understanding that the narc a co dependent who suffers if their ego isn't stroked 24/7 vs capacity to reflect...needed to hear these things, thank you!

If love was food, my relationship with my narc ex would have made me an anorexic, whereas he'd be morbidly obese. That's how much I gave and how little I received in return.

Another great video thanks Stephanie I listen to you for a couple hours each day. So much to learn and apply thank you

Thank you for this video. I love your videos and your voice. You're very calming. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that we were never loved by the narcs even though we were so in love with them. It is sad that they will never experience real love with anyone and that they only feel the need to use and destroy people. I'm definitely staying on my own for a while to continue healing and protect myself. Never want to go through this again and having a hard time even thinking that I'll trust again. Stay strong everyone!

LOVE YOUR ADVICE, LOVE YOUR CHANNEL... YOU ARE SO ON POINT👍👍

So beautifully said. Absolutely concur totally

Good afternoon Ms Stephanie Lynn, my name is Viceyi Hall I have been following you for about maybe 6 7 months and I love the things that you say makes a lot of sense reading about narcissism and I'm learning that it is a personality disorder, it's a mental condition and you said a lot of valid things and I just want to let you know keep up the good work. It has helped me a lot with my healing and knowing going no contact for almost a year makes a big difference in learning myself and believing and focusing on myself thanks again, 🙂 you have a blessed and restful weekend 🙏🏾👍🏾

I see now, my ex of 3 yrs broke up with me after 3 arguments about validation. I’ve hardly dated. So I was unsure of what he meant, after the breakup I now see that my childhood traumas and his really made us avoid conflict and it created confusion to the point that we did not know how to resolve our problems. Like you said hardly any fights with him, that was scary in my opinion. So we never connected in an emotional level and he ended things without wanting to resolve them. Still it was a learning experience we both were not healthy. I’m going to therapy and now I need to get healthy for myself. To know wtf boundaries are and how to express them.

This is solid gold, I have to say.

Because she's a Narc and never did actually love me...No way you can throw thirty years of marriage away with no warning and no attempt to work on any alleged issues. Oh, and only leave when you have it all lined up to move right in with your affair partner.

Thanks Steph good info. Loved how your voice changed when you talked to your pup

Thank you I learned something from your video today so about my own personal issues and things I needed address and work on and to heal to move on to improve

You are such a wise goddess, thank you Stephanie Lyn

Because that person never loved you in the first place. true love is forever it is effortless it is the value of zero is a force that don't force.

You hit this one right on the head

One of your best videos 😊

Great video Thanks

This is spot on, Stephanie. Thanks for always shooting straight with us! It takes a little of the sting out of these toxic bites.

Bingo. This just nailed how my ex was and still is with me. Thank you.

All of this is so very true 😢

This happened to me during the reconciliation. She was begging me to move home. Said she loved me and would forgive me. Meanwhile , I have the diagnosed CPTSD. Anyhow , Dec 16, please move home. Dec. 18th, I think the universe wants us to divorce. We should divorce , remain friends with benefits and see what happens in the future. Then all the your toxic, i need money, you don’t know what love is…blah blah started all over again and reminded me of why i left ! During no contact she got $800 from me. Once we started reconciliation from me $4,800. She does have abandonment issues ! I know I have caused some issues , but, I never cursed her, physically hurt her etc… the more she tells me she loves me , the more money she tries to get from me !!

The camera ring light give really spooky, Halloween-sh look, to your eyes. I like it!

I'm glade and happy,and at peace!

My sister is the narc in my life or now out of my life. I didn’t realize the abuse until after she moved to Hawaii without saying goodbye. I’m so grateful she moved. I had no idea what a relief it is for me. It’s hard for me to imagine how the narc doesn’t have any compassion. She left without seeing her nephews. 😢 Boy were they happy😂 Thanks for the great advice. 🎃

Love is definitely a decision.

Learn so much from your perspective Also, find very very beutiful

Intimacy, passion and commitment

I believe in myself, but it took years to believe someone else could love me from years of an abusive neglecting spouse.

I have had this in friendship ... it hurts me even hard as in a Relationship : she was ‘ my bestie ‘; with al these loving words in the beginning that I believed 😭

Thank you for trying to help others see how things are it's painful to have your world turned inside out upside down .etc it f**king hurts BAD ! it's one thing to have these things done to you having you're whole life scrapped and erased it's embarrassing and it's so terrifying To have everything good and safe you have built up not for yourself even but providing for your family It's my children who did not deserve All of. This and I just worry so much for my children if you can't trust your own mother then who our lives are in shambles it's my fault I had to stand up to her and say this is all wrong and I just opened up the door for her to rage and destroy everything I had no idea anyone would take it all so far and we lost everything she even got our kids taken away because of her vendictive behaviour I can't tell you How much of a nightmare it's been if you are in a toxic relationship and u recognize it RUN!!!DO NOT LOOK BACK THEY WILL BLOW EVERYTHING WAY OUT AND MAKE EVERYONE PAY don't sit around and wait for them to wreck everything you know they WILL. don't ignore you're gut feeling for God sakes! Sakes!! Make sure your kids are safe they will throw them under the bus too I am emotionally financially and morally destroyed by all of it it doesn't matter how tuff you think you are its some demonic s**t here !

Just be single forever. Less heartbreak and more self love

I told my wife we need to understand this is an unhealthy toxic marriage… she stepped backed looked me up and down and said “ is that a Robert Graham shirt you’re wearing”? Is that a Robert Graham belt”? Are those Robert Graham. Boots?… I was left with my jaw on the ground

I Notice That I 'm Uncomfortable With People Who Treat You Better Even After Complaining About Those Who Treat You Bad . I Do Tend To Push Them Away Sabotage Them. Is This Narcissism Or Cptsd Or Low Self-esteem? It's Just Crazy When You Stop To Think About It. But Crazy Does Seem To Be In Charge Of My Life.

My niece saw me writing a letter yesterday and told me I'm so old school. Then she showed me that Text a Letter app! Oh these kids and their tech, so hard to keep up! Guess who I was writing the letter for…

People come and go! Take a dog! Never disappointed!

My Ex Narc needed a Void Filled and I was a Co-Dependant. Now the Aftermath Damage is so Severe from the Discard it almost took me out

"THEY" never knew me therefore never loved me.

A HEALTHY REALTIONSHIP IS WHEN BOTH PARTIES WORK ON THEMSELVES INDIVIDUALLY. TO HAVE A GREAT HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP THAT GOES THE DISTANCE.

But what if they say "well I did this for you....I gave you this....I bought you thst"?? He ALWAYS says that, that he thinks that's love...🤷‍♀️

“ my stuff” was needing and wanting answers.. reasons… communication….

What I recently learned about a narcissist is that they are big liers, they have an entitlement attitude and are hateful when they are exposed. They will discard when you hold them accountable for their unacceptable behavior. I was discarded by a former lover for cheating on him with another man over 40 years ago that never happened.

Thank you for your videos, they have been a massive help to me healing and imagining how I can move forward. Do you have any advice on how to deal with a partner wanting an open relationship/marriage ? I have been given an ultimatum that she wants an an open relationship regardless of what happens. I know I cant handle that type of relationship and is breaking my heart, so i have to move on but I am still so madly in love and have hope things will change but I know I have already lost her love. When she looks me I see someone who has already moved on while I am stuck looking at for her validation and love. it is my fault I lost her as I spent years and years being unhappy in myself and bringing her down to my level, withholding love, not complimenting, never making her feel special, lying a lot and basically undermining her growth because I was scared to loose her as I was so unconfident. Anyway I will watching your videos and really helps give me a different perspective

My ex and I were both codependant and got toxic in the last 3yrs of the 5 we had. I was the giver she was the taker. I apologized for upsetting her after i bring up an issue she didnt like. I told her i love her n she was beautiful n she would reply "you have to say that". I cant tell if wer both narcs but iv taken accountability n apologized for my role in the break up..she hasn't n still blames me. Now she is in a new relationship 15months since the end telling me by posting a pic of him not even looking n one of our daughter wearing his boots (shes had a few iv heard, 1 other i know for sure) n still dont have full confidence to even talk to a woman. What even is this mess??

Because they never did and can’t.

As time goes on we treat each other with more and more disregard..disrespect..everyone is great in the beginnings because that new person is a fresh new toy.. Smart phones and social media killed the lasting long term relationship..plan on and accept every 2 yrs changing partners..after all that seems to be the best time you get out of it..those first few years she does her best acting/ pretending..lol.

In America, narcissism is called being an asshole. And only assholes get ahead in life. Most don't like it because it is unnatural for a human being to be an asshole.

i needed to hear this, my ex cheated on me saying it was my faul, that he no longer loved me anymore but he turned me into this person, pushed his insecurities onto me i feel like shit because i know i had issues and i was difficult to handle sometimes but i accepted his flaws, it hurts he count accept mine. instead he totally gave up on loving me and didn't even man up to break up instead he met up with someone after we had a fight, then avoided me for a week till i confronted him, he texted me that me asking him if he loved me made him not love me anymore. i feel like it was my fault and i pushed him away even tho i gave him all my love, he got fed up with the arguing but i dealt with his abusiveness at the beginning, he told me cheating was a deal breaker & that if i ever cheated on him he would break my arm,he would scream at me and be controlling but all along it was projection, he ended up cheating, i should've left but i was blinded by the attachment

Two months ago she cut me off after 14 years. In two hours. On saturday. On thursday she called me:"Hi, just calling to hear your voice ..."

They always need Fresh New Supply and control

Talk about light bulbs coming on. Thank you !!

do a fearful avoidant discard u the same ???

A toxic person will drain you because they will blame everything on you then they think you be lying to then they will disrespect you 💯 and they say all kind of mean things to you they always thinking up things in ther head they will make like you disrespecting them When it be them doing all the disrespecting they will cuss at you make you feel bad they will talk to you like they don't got no sense I know because I ma talk to this person now and that's how his behavior is he start fussing at me for nothing he very successful and he got a big ego its like he put other successful people down but I don't talk to him but Y

He confuses me to no end. He drinks and that's alright but he knew I didn't want him bringing alcoholic drinks into my bedroom and I have already repeated it a second time. He still put the drink right there on my windowsill directly next to the bed. Ignoring my wishes isn't cool. So I told him he can do that where he lives because this is my sanctuary. I love my peace. He seemed to like to disregard it. The toxicity isn't working and a healthy relationship is much less frustrating. I'm worthy of that.

It's so hard. Day 14 blocked toxic ex gf cheated lied 18 months ago stayed away 9 months let her back in over 2 almost 3 months since seen ex...still so hard to stop obsessing even tho I've made my choice to no longer engage or respond

Yes. They are very sick people. It took me 25 years to figure that out and remove myself.

Applies equally to nsrcisstic family cult systems as romantic ‘love’

A VACUUM BASED RELATIONSHIP.

I am watching these Narcissitic video's. Last weekend a man who I thought was perfect in every way - kind, caring, helpful, happy, fun, funny, helpful v generous etc At times I did feel a little niggle that I could not explain... He was tactile towards me jovial a gentleman. The ONLY thing is he was CONSTANTLY checking out beautiful BLONDE women- ONLY blondes! I'm a brunette and this made me feel inferior, ugly, hurt. I talked to him but he didnt really say anything other than he was now with a beautiful brunette (condescending?) We came home from a large street function last Saturday and I addressed the constant ogling at the beautiful blondes all night. He even tripped over some bikes looking at three Ladies. After some discussion, he left my home and said he'll go and think about it..I got a text from him the next day that he agrees with me and he was moving on, he wish me luck. (??) I didnt chase him away! it was a discussion - I did ask him what he was doing with me when all he stared at were blondes. (Im also 8 years older than him) I sentb him an email explaining my hurt feelings and told him I also had insecurity feelings.. He text me to say that He wanted to be left alone and and did not wish to talk about us and he'd be in touch in several weeks.. He was seen the following day at lunch with a blonde!! = End of story I guess I noticed SOME of these traits that have been explained here. He has had many woemn in his life

They are incapable of loving anyone end of

Can we see Annie in the next video? ❤

Sounds like you are saying I should provide my owm emotional needs for myself. So what's the point of being with someone? Just to have someone to do activities with?

Still baffled as to how can anyone ever have a relationship any answers,

they stopped loving themselves

Hi

Can you please talk about narcs mistrust and if they are always worried and stressed out?

❤️

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 the Narc is none of these.

What's love ?

because it was never love but misuse and use and use that is the short version more words are not needed for this species of people they are everywhere from kindergarten educators to to teachers, pastors, healers, partners, friendship. actually at least 40-60 percent of humanity are narcissists and some are lucky enough to have half half of course they are not s extremely vulnerable. the worst is still the combination of narcissists and empaths. as a super empath it's still possible because you know all the poker faces and gimmicks and thus several times already Narcissistic abuse from wherever you are on this planet. I am nevertheless glad that one is not completely alone with it and that there are people like you and others who have also come across such people and one does not believe alone in this toxic it to have ended up in a madhouse. I've even worked in psychiatry, but that was another thing that I would have preferred not to have gone through again. I didn't even know it was like that there are many types and you can go through almost all of them. So the obvious ones still work, but the hidden ones are the worst.

My uneducated guess is that they're liars, a lil mentally ill or just unhappy with themselves.

Lovebombing was what it was...I recorded a song about it called Narcissist by ESB 808- plz listen and comment!

Who blocks u on phone

Buddha talks about RAPTURE the only problem is it does not last 😰

I'm totally narcissistic but I do have emphaty. I don't get it. Am I true narcissist or not.

Sometimes you have to ask if they really loved you in the first place. The most hurtful thing I heard in my marriage, about a year and a half before it ended, was my ex wife telling her mother she never was in love with me. Well she certainly convinced me that she was to the extent I gave up my whole life for her and made a decent woman out of her by marrying her!

Love comes from a decision? Stephanie.. is it a joke? Do you really believe, women fall in love by decision? Really? It is funny to this false way. But subscribers want it, so you give it to them. The soap youtube fast food:) Comical:) Love is a decision hahahahaha

Women are not capable of deep unconditional love for a man..its always conditional and changes day to day..week to week..what is it anyway?..just words people say when life feels good because of someone else..you think your bonded. Connected..for 99% of women..they can leave you in a short day..for nothing more significant than boredom..lack of spontaneity. Hell just about any reason they get done..will do...adios...next..

Nonsense. Sometimes love is irrational and you can't just DECIDE to love someone . This just tell me Stephanie that YOU need to do your research and perhaps re evaluate if you really truly loved anyone. Go watch Lisa Romano she's much better than you and you should learn from her.

Your work is amazing Stephanie Lyn. Another great video. If only my ex girlfriend was to stumble across this video😮🙈….. you do such amazing videos. Your work has helped me heal so much, and see things for what they truly are and in a new light. I can’t Thankyou enough🙏🏻❤️‍🩹. Kindest regards all the way from UK🇬🇧

She cheated on me for 24 years it drove me to drink and drug myself almost to death and after she left I stopped all of it my life got better I have no problems today but I'm still single after 12 years it's hard to trust anyone I want a healthy relationship but I don't know how to start

Hi there I would be very interested in talking to you in an appointment session about relationships and the one I'm in I wonder if we can book with you if you do anything like this please or if you could recommend someone thank you 🙏 @ Stephanie Lyn coaching

Thank you for hitting all the answers I wanted but I wish you could make a video, everything the narcissist needs to be convicted enough to do the work to be better and healthy. Even myself being Christian and proclaiming the gospel, I wasn't strong enough to reveal the lord to her. It's one thing to "believe in God" but another to have a personal relationship with the God of the universe thank you aba Father Jesus.