Asking for friendship after romantic relationship is fully narcissistic

Staying friends is going against yourself. Bad idea. No no no

I think if you didn't enjoy the relationship ....you won't enjoy the friendship ✌️✌️

It is essentially a downgrade, and this is the cold hard truth. A lot of men/women will put themselves in that position in hopes that something might change, but they rarely do. The best thing is to not comply and get on with our lives. If we want them back, they need to get a taste of our absence. Don't be their safety net.

I think it’s selfish on their part to want to be friends . I told my ex absolutely not

The only reason your ex wants to stay friends is for a backup plan plain an simple. Don't fall for it give them crickets! If you need a friend that bad go to summer camp.

Mine had a complete emotional breakdown when I told her no, I would not be friends with her. I'm not going to be anybody's consolation prize or emotional pillow. Thanks for this great video! ✌🏽

They want to stay friends because they want validation and backup plans. My ex wanted to stay friends. But she's "friends" with all her exes and routinely cycles back to this guy or that guy (sadly, including me once) after she breaks up with whomever she's toying with at the moment.

To "save face" and makes them feel better about their decision.

I put myself in the friendzone with my ex, along with all the mistakes us dumpees make and it was miserable. One day, she droped the bomb that she hooked up with another man. Since then, I feel like something got disconnected inside of me, I don't know how to describe it in other proper way but feels like my capability of loving a woman got dried. I used to be a very empathic and loving man but that faded away ever since. So gentlemen, if you want your partner back romantically, don't put yourselves in such situation.

if you are meant to be, you will be together no matter how much time has passed.

All my exes/guys I’ve dated have asked to stay friends, which I politely decline, and all but two have come back

Golden rule for me is unless there is a good reason to be friends then I don’t do the “let’s be friends thing”

“You tell them to drop dead” 😆 👍🏼.

So they’re basically for selfish n self serving reasons alone not because they’re looking out for the person dumped.

You'll notice that all of the reasons stated in this video are focused on making your ex feel better after they dumped you. Why would anyone want to do that?

It's a no, not to be sorry, it helps you to move on. Things that come up staying friends it's no good...🙄

Great timing. I told my ex wife that I didn’t want to be just friends with her a couple of weeks ago and she told me that’s all she had to offer and I’d have to look elsewhere. She said she was upset I was ruining our friendship. We’ve been apart 20 years, but have mostly stayed close although I’ve never stopped loving her. She got remarried, had 3 kids in addition to our son. I’m very close with those children. Anyhow, I told her today that I wasn’t interested in being just friends today, that I only wanted a romantic relationship with her. I told her to let me know if she changes her mind. She told me that’s all she has to offer, so we can’t be friends and goodbye. Tough day!!!!!!

I am a gay female and my ex just asked me the "friendship" question. I said " I would love to be friends but I am still in love with you" This was stupid of me because it was after 36 days of NO CONTACT and she broke it and contacted me. Here is the kicker, she is with another woman, who is a felon, on probation and has no car and hits women. They met while her and I were still together...or at least I think they did. She broke no contact with song lyrics that suggested she was waiting for me to make a grand gesture of some kind and come back. I never should have responded. When I did, she suggested the friendship bullshit and said she was still with this woman and as soon as I mentioned still loving her...she said "I thought we were past all that" HAHA! Easy to say when you are with another person and not alone and trying to figure out what the hell happened and how I ended up HERE.

My girlfriend just dumped me and wants to be friends. And I told her no of cause. I’m not looking for a friend in my ex. If she doesn’t want to be with me, it’s time to move on. She just need me for support and I’m not gonna do that. I will move on and she can go do her and I will do me.

Craig, you’re perspective is 100% right.

Don’t be friends. It will hurt much more than you think. Don’t make the breakup easy on them

Craig, you are making my day!!!I live for your channel!!!

THIS IS A GREAT VIDEO .. great coaching on this issue .. I learned the hard way!!! LMAOO .. “Drop dead” “all her exes are in prison” 😆😂🤣 .. LOVE the sense of HUMOR .. No way can one be friends with an ex after a break-up for your self respect and/or self-dignity, as well as them thinking they can continue to take you for granted, since you are sticking around to allow it (it’s all about being high-value). They want to keep you around as a back up plan because they know you’re awesome but they also want to play the field (thinking the grass is greener when it never is!) .. People’s hearts, and emotions, are not to be toyed with .. refuse the friendship because you were their best friend and lover, yet they chose to throw that away!

I’ve been watching Craig’s videos for the past months. They have been helping with the end of this 5yr relationship I had. Yes 5yrs on an off. Last few years things got difficult and here came the “we should be friends talks” I finally sent the text it’s either romantic because that’s all I want or nothing! And they just simply said friendship and sex is all they had to offer. So I let them know that we are done. If they ever feel different they can let me know but just being on the back burner doesn’t cut it for my life.

Really, an ex asking you to be friends is very selfish on the part of the dumper.

Fantastic Video. A lot more ‘depth’ on the subject than the usual fare.

thank you so much. You're saving my life right now

I love the coach’s. Here Craig and Victoria make me feel much better. After wTchi there videos

Love you guys... thank you for everything you do xoxo 💓

Thanks for this. Very reinforcing and helpful. :-)

What I needed to hear today

Great as usual. Thank you 💗

Second!! Thanks Coach Craig for your wonderful videos :)

Thank you for this video, it’s helped me to move on.

he used me, I dumped him, he said we should be friends, I said: off course we could stay friends...... the next day: I ghost him 😂 I lost count how many times he reached out to me and I remain silence. the more he reached out the more I get disgusted.

Thank You for answering my current dilemma 😊

Hey Craig! Dumpee here. I did a silly mistake and asked to be good friends a couple hours after the BU message ( I was emotional at the time). Reflecting back now from doing NC (1 month now, including 1x breadcrumb from her at day 10 which didn't go anywhere after I responded to it) and being able to structure my thoughts I now know I do not want to be just friends. I know what I want now, a relationship. She didn't message back after my acknowledgement text of the breakup to say yes to being friends so I assume she too also doesn't want to be just friends. If that topic ever does come up with a genuine attempt by her to reconnect, I will be clear with what it is I want. Main focus for me now is well... ME!! Working on me feels great :)

Thanks Coach Craig and Victoria. I love this video and has given me answers that I needed to hear. Thank you very much from Australia. 😊🙏

Love watching you guys. Fun and cute. Of course helpful ! I like the different perspectives but prefermece on what you think is best.

Excellent video.

"Drop dead!" hahajahhaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️ having a sense of humor helps a lot!

Great video !

I’m in the friend zone and the ambivalence has lasted years. This video was helpful and interesting.

Could never be friends with my ex fiancee even though when she dumped me after nearly 7 years together she still wanted to be friends.It is a kop out She was my best friend too and the love of my life.If people do me a wrong in my eyes I do not want them in my life and I did not want to break up.I still love her and would have her back in an instant.

Wow ex just ask me this friends with no sex just friends I told her no she got mad and said she have a man I said your man should be your friend not me

Coach can you do more success stories! Been binge watching your past ones, but would be great to see some newer ones for those going through a breakup right now (me!!).

Great video! Thanks for reaffirming what I have always believed since I saw the movie When Harry Met Sally: Billy Crystal’s famous line: “men and women cannot truly be friends because a man will always want to have sex with a woman he finds attractive.” To which Meg Ryan replies: “so you’re saying you CAN have a friendship with a woman who is unattractive?” And he says, “no, we pretty much wanna bang them too!” 😂 I’m not friends with any of my exes. I declined my recent ex’s offer to stay friends because he ended it becoz he didn’t feel ready for a long term committed relationship, he doesn’t see the other side of the coin that it’s too painful for the one who gets dumped and you feel powerless becoz they want your attention, but they don’t want to commit to you, it’s all on their terms. I told him that he needs to try to view it from my perspective that I’m the one hurting and he’s just leaving me with a friendship option and it’s just going to keep me hanging on/hoping for a future.

Thank you. It is very true

Am I the only one who believes a friendship is the base of any love relationship?

👎🏾 For women, just block and delete; no “friendships”. There was this guy I was dating I really liked who acted so distant on our last date. I called it out, he said I was wrong and not appreciating his effort on the date, but I ended up being right. He wanted to continue going out with me but as “friends”. I flat out said “I can’t be friends with men. I have to keep moving forward. I wish you the best. Goodbye”. I haven’t seen or talked to him since, and I regret nothing, and it’s not because I’m expecting him to come back. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me. I’m not going to give some guy the social status of having a woman on his arm. I’m not going to end up being a friends with benefits, especially if I am the one risking getting pregnant. I’m not going to be someone’s placeholder or backup option. It’s a waste of time. I only make friends with women anyways.

I have just told my ex i don't want to be friends ... im only interested in a romantic connection.... We split very amicably NO DRAMA ... ok i tried to persuade her a little .... now into no contact .... Honestly a weight has been lifted

If you say "sure, we're friends" but then don't care for the friendship and let THEM do the work, it sounds to me like a better strategy than just saying NO, because that NO could scare them off for good if they are not confident. I wouldn't want to scare my ex from talking to me or feel too rejected. He offered his friendship after 3 months of no contact, so I said yes - and now it's his job to reach out and fight for the "friendship" he wants... Wondering why I'm not chasing anymore even though I'm open to communication might make my ex realise that he still has feelings for me and wants more than this one sided friendship... Let me add: we have been long distance, so meeting up without being together is very unlikely. I think the option for him to be in touch without committing RIGHT AWAY could be key What do you think, Craig? If you are doing it right staying in touch and DON'T CHASE AT ALL - couldn't it work out?

If they throws that “friends” s*t and they don’t even bother to talk to you, that’s pure bs and they just want to play you. Don’t do it! They don’t come back

You 2 are awesome 👍

He asked to be friends and I told him that we could be friendly but not be friends. We broke up cuz he wasn't ready to date again, no real issues as it was new. Let him know we could try again in the future if he wants, but obvs I'm not gonna sit around waiting and hoping :) gonna focus on my hobbies and work for now

This is a pretty class video on this topic. I told my ex I'm not friends with exes at the breakup, and she already knew I was never friends with exes. I went NC straight off. She has been reaching out a few times in the last month, at one point asking for a catch up. I've arranged a meet up and seeing her for drinks tomorrow at 7pm; she'll be driving for 40mins to get there so it's a bit of an effort on her part. I'm hoping that this all means she's not going to be bothering trying to friendzone me all these things considered. I'm not sure how much clearer it could have been.

Makes sense.

1 week before the BU my ex asked me “if we were to ever break up, would you still be my friend?”

We dated a Total of 2.5 years.. Ex and I got back together and dated for 15 months it was amazing but the back end was a little rough with random arguments.. we worked together and I think that made things worse… she broke up with me in February of 2022! I went into NC then a week later on Valentine’s Day she reaches out wanting to talk etc.. told her I wasn’t ready.. two weeks later we meet up and talk and it’s good then randomly we mutually started making out.. I went to Europe the next day with my family for 2 weeks! I come back and she’s wanting to hang out but deep down I was confused cause I wanted to give you space.. we had sex a couple of times and it was amazing! She texted me saying That’s why last week was different 😪 idk I feel bad bc I want you to be happy but we gotta move on a little too yk. We can’t just sit in this relationship some more. I’m confused because she also invited me late December for a cruise for her bday and wanted to share a room! And in January I’m going to Italy for culinary school and she said she wants to visit me .. now she’s like I wanna be friends and take it slow… any idea ?

Off topic lol but I love how you guys match your clothes in the videos'.

my recent ex is an avoidant and she keeps saying to me how happier she is since weve seperated but next thing i know it here she is out of nowhere blowing my phone up its just annoying at this part its frustrating that all of my ex,s come back except for the one that i actually want back in my life.

Its so terrible when your ex wants to be friends with you, and although you dont want to, you see them everyday because either you study or work with them. It happened to me a few years ago, thank God I found this Channel because I really needed some sort of guidance to put myself together and "resist" the friendship my ex wanted to have with me at all cost 😂😂

My ex gave me the friendship talk yesterday. He doesn't want to accept my boundary of not being friends with exes or previous dates; I told him I was open to a relationship. I still care about him and don't know what to do.

The thing I've learned from my experience is that you'll never truly be in the friendzone with an ex. There are some cases where that does happen, but it also depends on how serious the relationship was. If it was short term or you were friends before you dated the person, then yeah, it's possible. Or if you were in an open relationship or just boyfriend and girlfriend, it's also possible. If you were engaged or married, it's just going to be awkward. Usually one of two things will happen, eventually both parties with permanently cut ties or get back together because certain boundaries are going to be crossed, and the idea of both parties dating other people will lead to jealousy. I was friends with an ex, and that friendship didn't last. It was awkward, and our new relationships failed because we weren't fully over each other. So we just eventually decided to get back together.

Unless there is no more bad feelings and both moved on even if it’s an anxious avoidant style. Once they heal and move on then they are ok to keep an acquaintance type or relationship civil maybe not really friends by actions. Even if avoidant wants it you don’t really give the same attention or benefits to them so they can see the difference between you then and now. So even if you stay connected they don’t have you the same way and still can loose you to someone else. But like you are saying it time is needed and no contact is great to heal and move on! After some time if they keep reaching out and have something significant to say then you can assess what’s best for you.

Hi, thanks for a the great work that you do. I feel that there is a contradiction at some point. In the middle of the video Victoria said anxious people tended to wanna be friends more and then at the end it was the contrary. That avoidant people tended to want to be friends more when the anxious ones felt it was a downgrade. Could you explain this further please? Thanks 💙

We broke up because while we have firey passion, attraction and love each other, I asked for a commitment and he said he didn’t feel what he’d need to to take it to the next level. But said he wants me in his life and to still be good friends. I thought about it and decided no contact was the only way to go. He’d suggested we go to lunch. How do we go from two years of a highly sexually charged (long distance which is why I didn’t ask for commitment sooner) relationship to … lunch. I can’t do it. And I don’t know how he thought he could do it, either. It would be a disaster. We’d end up sleeping together for sure. And leave myself open to heartbreak. In or out, Buddy. Not both.

I am here because of Get Up Dust Up Go Win. I am enjoying the content and binging on it!

My ex wife told me today. I hope someday we can be friends.

Hi Craig! What do I do if I accepted friendship but I'm still in no contact? Will she ever reach, and if so, what to do?

Now I understand why a lot of gays in my LGBTQ+ community date each other’s exes in their friend circles. It can get so messy. I used to work with two coworkers who remained close friends despite having romantic history together. One of them was jealous of the other because he slept with my ex, who was also my coworker 😅

he told me he wanted to be friends right after he broke up with me. we never got intimate and only dated for two months officially. he told me he still likes me and loves me as a person and would still like me in his life (we could never get to the point of love because we have different core fundamentals for a relationship that made us feel like the other didn’t care) but i really was attracted to him and cared deeply for him. he tries to stay in contact with me but i’ve noticed he still wants to know what i’m up to, kind of keeping tabs. i’m debating whether i should stay in contact because i don’t think he can just be my friend based on the fact that he has jealousy issues and it seems like he wants to be intimate with me. i do think with time, i could be just his friends i am just not sure if he could truly do the same

When avoidant ex didn’t give his time to me, me anxious type said just wanna be friends then, and he was pissed that I gave up on him. And I become his phantom ex, several on and offs with him, we are always attracted to each other but we’re very different. And I found out he still liking his exs ig posts and sometimes talk to them. This is a deal breaker.

My case is kinda complicated, we broke up cause we have different goals. I still love him, and he wants to be friend after we broke up. The things is, he keeps giving attention and helps in need even without including sex. He still cares about me and treat me good. He said he can be my older brother, since my father just passed away last month so he wants to be there for me. But besides that, I know he is starting to date . I really want to stay away cause I still have feelings for him and it hurts knowing he is looking dor another girl who has same goal as him.

We are in no contact more than 1month and she don't want to come back

Nooooo don't it!

I told her : We are not friends.

What if your friends with your ex but she contacts me every day. She left me and I believe she's in a rebound relationship

Blocked after I turned down friendzone😂

I thought it was weird that my Ex would mention in the beginning of getting to know one another that if we ever broke up hopefully friendship would remain. I told her I couldn't be friends if that happened. I always felt as though after telling me that she had one foot in and one foot out. Then of course the break up happened and then she said I would like to be friends but with all the emotions involved I don't think it's a good idea. Also, told me I would be friendzoned like it was something bad to her to have happen to me.

I haven’t replied back to my ex girlfriend since the breakup 65 days ago when she said that we could still be friends. Is that considered like an indirect/direct approach and is it too late to reply back?

Why not? He communicates everyday and we're still involved in each other's lives heavily. He just says we're not compatible.

what does it mean if they ended things, so you did not contact and then they reach out saying they miss you but want to be friends. im in a weird situation becausee we dated, I got a temporary internship 5 hours away, I thought it wouldn't be big deal cause its only 3 months, then he eventually ended things, now keeps saying how much he misses me but we couldn't date again anyway cause I leave in a couple months. im fine with the temporary long distance but I don think he is. should we still just not be friends

They are weaning off you - Beware! ♨

It would be nice if things were more clear from ex s intentions

I am not friends with any of my exes. They have become acquaintances. If I happen to run into them in a public place, I will be polite. But I will not hang out with them, call or text. There is a reason they are exes. It also makes it very difficult In starting a new relationship with someone else. I also don’t date men that are still friends with their exes. I don’t want him to run to her whenever we have a problem. I don’t want to have to wonder if he is having sex with her whenever he spends time with her. Because in a man’s mind just being friends with someone includes sex.

Yes he wanted to stay friend with me after ruining everything. His parents rejected me bcz im middle class. He couldnt value me..staying friend to do what..to ignore each other? Like he pity me..as a man being polite after breaking me in pieces and went on saying lets stay friend..is this a joke? Iv let go while loving him..money is everything for him his family..i was nothing for him that moment i felt that deep. Iv cut him off..unfriend on fb unfollow on insta deleting his number..thank you keep your friendship for someone else dr..im good without this too.

Hey Craig these all things are happened with me in my first breakup i want to know can my ex come back again 2nd time

What do i do when my boyfriend breaks up with me over his insecurities amd we live together and suggests that we van be homie lover friends but wants us to be honest if we start seeing someone else?

What happens if you say you’ll be friends then you never meet up or speak after.

My ex just went and asked people to keep an eye on me he did care he might still who knows it's been a year and abit , he's still in a relationship it's been a year he met her 5months after he left our almost two years relationship not sure if it's a rebound not really caring that much if it is or isn't all I know is he didn't give enough time to let himself heal,but that's on him I have grown,gained mentally, physically all I really want in my life now is peace ☮️, I'm fine if I don't find someone I just want to focus on me & making me happy 🙂

10:45 so true

hi craig, great video! my ex and i are going for coffee on sunday, is there any advice you could give me please? thankyou in advance!

Good info...thanks...I think some LGBTQIA follow the L-Word drama and that's why they stay friends with ex

He asked to be friends a handful of times and then still wanted to engage sexually in the friend season. Then say I love you but not willing to commit. Oh well I have to let this shit go and rip his security from him. We were pregnant and then loss the baby. What a roller coaster

What about when you have kids together, we need to speak about the kids ….

I stayed friends with an ex that broke up with me for a while. Neither of us wanted to get back together and we didn’t. I know heaps of people who have done it. I grew up in a small country town, it’s common. Sometimes you realise that the romantic relationship won’t work out but still value each other in a platonic way.

Is it too late if I said I was okay with being friends/id try but now I just want to go because I want to be romantic and I'm not gonna settle for platonic relationship when it's clearly romantic

My ex g/f (of 4 years) left me confused.. originally told me ‘we are on hold’.. a while later ‘Sorry you are still confused..: YES., we are not in a relationship, YES, I want you in my life’ .. I asked in what capacity, and she said ‘friend, enemy, whatever’ 😳 Update : Since I wrote this - she has cut me off completely .. 11 weeks ago 😂