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I wish more men would opt not to disturb a woman’s peace if he knows he’s not ready. It saves both parties a whole heap of trouble and heartbreak

I am so shocked that a man is admitting this. A lot of women do not know that there's men who will see potential in a woman and will do things to make her life harder. To create obstacles. Making some of them babymothers. Abusing them . Doing horrible things to them to the point of mental illness. I know women who went through that all because some man was intimidated by her drive and they were full of life. Bubbly, happy, young, but a tad bit naive. Totally destroyed by a hurt soul. This let's me know that some men will intentionally do this. Thank you for sharing.

These guys will say they're not ready, then years later come back saying they're ready as if the woman hasnt moved on. No one is going to sit and wait for someone.

I have NEVER had a problem keeping a man. But they have had problems keeping ME. ❤️

If you ain't ready for values, morals, integrity, dignity leave us women alone. We are just different, not less.

If yall men are out here dating women while u are "getting urself together", u are hurting a batch of women....

A high value person is not only a person that has a degree and makes good money . Is a person character the way they carry themselves. The way they treat others and also is that person family oriented or did was that person raised with both parents in the same household. To me is more than money that makes a high value person

Guess that’s why I’m so freaking single.... I’ve had dudes that either try to use me(try) or just kind of fall off for no reason. Glad I’m not desperate 👀

Sisters need to stop dating low value men. Part of the problem is that high value men have more options.

I noticed men are trying to date “up” but don’t have what it takes emotionally, intellectually or financially to give a high value woman what she needs. It’s better to be single that to date these time-wasters!

I dated a man who told me “you could be my wife and I’m not ready for a wife.” It was manipulative language that would have kept me waiting around for him to be ready - I really liked him. But thankfully - I was wise enough to pack up my heart and leave that man alone. Years later I’m now married and happy and he is still in these streets.

Leave her alone if you aren't ready. I have watched a man "get himself together" for the same period of time. The good thing is that women like this, we aren't waiting on anyone. We just handling our life.

High value women tend to have goals and focus on their future at a younger age then men. By the time a man is focus on building a future, a high value woman has already built stability and reached educational goals and now have new goals that they are reaching for.

That's why you can't be with a person potential.

I do believe if a man can't compliment my lifestyle mentally, emotionally & physically it will NOT work. For instance, if I don't smoke or per say most of the time eat healthy. Why would I date a man who smokes, and have bad eating habits? Ladies quit settling or ignoring the signs. This will NOT work before too long 1 of YOU will get tired of the behavior.🙄

I remember an ex of mine talking to his best friend on speaker phone. I walk in to the room and hear him saying “She is a good girl bro. Like she really care about me. And it’s crazy cause I know imma f***k her up.” I will never forget that. That’s when I learned that there are men who KNOW they are going to damage a woman from the very beginning.

The question is why would have to lower my standards because someone else does not want to be better?! I can not handle someone who wants to disrespect me.

All due respect, a high value woman can happily and successfully work a 9 to 5 job. I don't think a 9 to 5 job excludes a woman from being high value, personally. People have different ways of shining x

It's so funny to me that men want to make a woman wait for commitment, but they want good sex, home cooked meals, a best friend , a confidant, etc etc but as "friends". Why is love and showing love not a priority?

Honestly this sounds like my past relationship she was a high value woman been through hell and back so she had way more life experience she knew what she wanted and what she didn’t want she knew where she wanted to go in life. Mean while I didn’t have a clue about the kind of man I even was to even become a better man. She kept pointing out the things I needed to focus on which was God and myself. I’m in a different place now but I’ll say she definitely came into my life for a reason

I like your calm thoughtful monologues, I had to subscribe. Keep up the good work.

This is sooo true, this has been happening to me since high school. The guys would say “oh that’s wifey right there you can’t mess with her.” Now I’m 33 and the Black American guys still steer clear of me. I haven’t resorted to dating outside of my race but I do find myself dating black men from other countries because my own don’t feel good enough even the ones that are successful.... it’s so sad. Now I haven’t dated an Black American guy in over 10 years. But the African and European blacks don’t have a problem with a woman being amazing they will date while they are rising and just ask for a bit of time when it comes to marriage.

I will say this, I'm a high valued woman. I work a 9-5, been here for 16yrs, have my own...... so, please know that there are us out here that may not be mega stars, own our own businesses ......that are very much high valued. Please keep the videos coming, I'm loving all of your content.

This makes sense; so a man is too insecure to build with a woman who has her life together. That’s crazy!!! Our parents and grandparents build together.

Maybe men need to be honest with themselves and date "down". This video is in line with what most men are expressing on Social Media that they don't want a woman thats "better" (ie more educated, goal oriented, focus etc. ) ... they want to feel like they are Superior and this wont happen unless they feel like the head which is ok, not knocking it for I think its SOME truth there. SOOOO Woman read between the lines. In some cases the HV woman will either have to stay single, dumb herself down or date outside the race.

People tell females to lower their standards and I have a problem with that. It is like they want the female to be treated wrong and disrespectfully. I can not lower my standards because the next one has and someone who wants to stagnant that does not want to go far and/or further with their obstacles and strive to fulfillment.

I'm single now because of this. No time for mediocre BS.

The hard part of timing for women is we have a biological clock when we want to start a family if we wait to long its greater complications.

Thank you for sharing this perspective! If she is truly a high value woman, who makes her own money, she isn’t always looking for a man to match that. She just might be looking for a good, loving man with his head and heart in the right place. It’s not always about a “type” of man or a “lifestyle”. There are men out there who can provide a great lifestyle, but are not necessarily a kind, loving man. Connection, friendship, mutual respect, love, ability to communicate, and potential to build together has waaaaaay higher value, than a packaged man! Just saying! 💕💕💕💕💕

I’ve had friend guys and exes tell me this same thing. I was always so hurt when an ex broke it off with me and they’d always be like, you’re perfect and I dont want to ruin you, you deserve more. I always thought it was bullshit but men will do this. They’ll damage you if they continue to be with you

What you’re saying is 💯. I dated this guy in my 20ies who, out of nowhere, broken things off with me . I chilled on it and kept it moving. Then months later we ended up talking and he flat out told me he chilled on me because I had my stuff more together than he did. He wanted to start back up but I had already started seeing someone else.

It’s so sad to say most hv women have everything they could ever want but the one thing missing is “true love”.

This vid made me sad, but also made my dating life make a lot more sense . Patience is the game now . Thanks for the insight .

This is so familiar. Stay focused ladies! Sounds like we are a threat to many men.

I think this msg may need to be titled differently! Totally get the point but guys need to understand that a HV woman doesn't walk around thinking she's high valued we just handle business because its business that needs to be handled AND if we women no matter "normal" or "HV" give you a shot it's cause we like something about you so dont run, communicate how you feel! Just talk to us like we want you to do anyway. Yall be missing out on this good loving due to a plethora of assumptions. That's the problem with the culture!

I truly appreciate a man that lets a high value woman go than a man that keeps her to mess her up by being abusive, insecure and disrespectful. The truth is, the break ups are hurtful because often time these men never give explanations as to why they are breaking up with these high value women and it damages these women especially because they genuinely love these men and are willing to be patient with them, however men know what could go wrong and how far the damage could go taking to consideration the amount of work they know they need to do and the process. I wish more men would be honest with themselves and deal with the real problem.

I find myself in this situation often

I don't understand why yall can't step up it will change yall life, it's so sad.

Men Not ready is the same thing as saying "Water seeks its own level" one of my Caribbean Granny's favorite sayings... when they aren't ready, just like water, they'll end up retreating, out of a relationship, with a high value woman, and seek what he believes is his own level. You should do a Q and A show, where someone asks you questions, and you respond.... maybe even a live You tube, you have skills! Good for you! Cheers to this Video and your Character, keep up the good work!

You described my story to a T. 15yrs, seems he’s the one, but for some reason we can’t get it together. So I cut ties, because I’m tired of living in the “what if” with us. I will always have a special love for him; but 15yrs? It starts playing on the psyche... I appreciate you, your break down helped remove the worthless feeling out of it.

Your friend is doing a disservice to herself because it sounds like she is committed to the black community and she’s surpassed where most black men are! She needs to divest!

I'm 41, so I grew up listening to talk radio. This is better that talk radio to me. I can literally listen to this guy talk for more than an hour, while I clean my entire house on a Saturday morning. And I like how he speaks from the heart. I know he is being careful out there on these roads. His fiancé needs him. And this listener enjoys hearing his content. BTW, I'm seeing this video around 1 year after it was posted. 😄 I hope the lady friend he spoke about in this video is the one he is engaged too now in 2022.☺

You are very wise to be 33, keep dropping that knowledge. Our BM need to hear this and need to be mentored whether thy know it or not. As you did, eventually they may come around if doing the right thing is heard enough. We need our BM in our lives and in our communities. Kudos to you; keep spreading the knowledge.

Time waits for no man and their is no perfection in life. So, you have to find out when you are ready to live versus strive to survive. We can't wait to live until things are just right, we have to make things right to live.

I think it's in a man's nature to want to help a woman. A man needs to feel needed. A woman who has it all together, doesn't need him to do what is in his true nature, which is to help her. I don't think most men are really attracted to independent women. I've noticed i always attract men when I'm going though a difficult time and in need of help. I think that is what motives him to want to do better. When he's helping her, she has to let him know how much she appreciates him and that motivates him to want to do more for her and for himself. When a woman doesn't need him in the way he needs to be needed, there's no motivation for him to be with her. Doing so much for a man is really a way of emasculating him without realizing it. A high value person is one of good character not necessarily education and a lot of money. With a good character you have the potential to be and do anything.

You speak no lies. It’s really hard but I stay hopeful and more discerning.

You don't want her that bad. What's wrong with our men that they can't take our counsel? You can't handle it when a womab is talking sense? You have able to argue her down because you have success? Fix it felllas. I asked my last boyfriend why we couldn't focus on my business, that is doing well, and get it to where it's running smoothly then we can focus on him and his non-existing business that he wanted to have because of what I'm doing. Which is fine, I don't mind inspiring my partner, but I'm not going to stop my focus. He didn't want to do it. I broke up with him because he was jealous and started trying to sabatoge me. So annoying 🙄

I’m so pleased that you, young man, have submitted this thoughtful and in-depth assessment on relationships; particularly between black American men and women be they younger or older! We rarely hear an honest and constructive breakdown from an intelligent black American young man’s perspective. It appears that lot's of healing is taking place and It’s what we quality single black women have longed for: peace, love and light.

I don’t understand the willingness to sacrifice possibly the woman of your dreams to build on your own. Why not build with your woman by your side? Love this video but I have so many comments. Lol

This was very informative. I wish you would do a part 2 or follow-up to this.

Thank you 💫✨💞 You started by explaining why my previous relationships have not worked out and then towards the end gave me an understanding of why I may be overlooked in the future. It’s good to know. I decided in the last two years that I had given up on dating anyway, focusing on my career and my children. Based on my professional life, most new people I come across are outside my race. Thanks for sharing your story; I really hope you don’t lose out on her if she’s the one. Yes you can get further, but you both already sound successful; maybe you can build together one day. 💞

why men dont wanna build with a woman? why do so many feel like they have to have it 100% together to be willing to settle down with someone they are compatible with? life a lil too short to wait for the "perfect" time

Bruh if you didn’t already, call her TODAY.

Honestly even in the building and planning phase of my life, I just soo hard to find a guy who has a similar or bigger vision or goals in life. It really had me thinking maybe there is something wrong with me

This confession has confirmed it for me. I'M GIVING UP ON BM. Thanks for sharing!

This is why I never date while I'm working towards my goals. I won't even give out my contact details. I wish more people would be comfortable in the staying single til they level up mentally, financially and spiritually.

I have tons of male friends who have their ducks in a row, but what I notice is they very rarely match up with a high value woman. They always seem to marry down and try to build up or they marry other than black women.

This makes a lot of since why my ex husband left and why men my own age feel intimidated by my success! Great video, I’m in FL too...

🥰 We see you handsome. It's more high value women than high value BLACK men. Real talk

I think people live in denial , no way this person is honest , faithful, funny , and loving and want me . We create these walls of protection , but still want a partner . It's a unhealthy balance . We can't grow with each other , until we have everything together ( what ever that means ) . Back in the day love was enough, and unfortunately people don't love their self enough to be able to be in a loving relationship. For me faith in God , being honest with my self , and don't force or rush anything is what I value . It has save me from a lot of clowns and stupid moves I could have made.

I have learned that high value men and high value women are not supposed to be measured the same way. Women are not high value for making a lot of money. That's actually a masculine trait. We've become expected to make a lot of money and be providers of our families and extended families as of late because the men in a lot of our lives (father, grandfather, kid's father, etc.) who are supposed to support us have not been able to. So we've begun to feel the need to take over male dominated fields and flex our masculine energy to compete with men so that we can survive. None of this is healthy for femininity (hence the reason a lot of us have womb issues) unless, which could feel conflicting, the woman sets aside time for self-care (ie. Journaling, meditating, taking a bath, crying, cooking for fun, reading, doing something artsy, etc.) which could naturally slide her right out of the corporate world into a lighter job/passion business. And as you explained, the masculinity rolls over into the relationship where the woman is being bossy/motherly and pushes men away because there can't be two kings in the house.... On the contrary, a high value woman is a woman who rests in her feminine energy and won't settle for a low value feminine man. Period. There is no fixing or waiting to do. She has high self esteem and knows that she has her pick of love out there somewhere. She keeps up with her appearance, speaks her mind and dates multiple men at one time treating no one man special and concealing her precious jewel for a worthy one. And fighting over a man... Please. The only person we have possession over is ourselves. So if he wants her, then bye. Ladies we have better things to do, like getting therapy.

This literally happened to me 2 weeks ago. Out of the Blue he walked away. He didn't want to grow, he felt he was happy where he was and he knew I would go further. Said, he never dated a woman like me.

Thank you for acknowledging the Truth! It's sad it takes some men all their life to get it together and our lives are almost over by that time.

If men are lagging behind because of their POOR choices, cut them off. We have worked hard for what we got ladies, live HAPPILY! Do NOT help them build, let them build themselves... Only to take a WOMAN'S effort and success and PARADE it as their own!!

I accidentally ran across your video. You are the first male I have seen on social media address the issue of protecting your seed. I like how you validated your argument. We must talk about this huge problem we have in the community. Thanks from a new subscriber.

I love/respect the fact that you didn't waste your friend's time. If only I could get all the time back wasted trying to help/build up men that had a weak mindset....😔

Sounds like these men need to work on their confidence. Because women hear short comings too. But we aren't intimidated by them.

And men say women are complicated. Smdh. So, those women dont get that love because yall silly. This is sad.

God! thank you for existing without any biases... so sick of listening to biased men and women hating on each other... I am literally at a point where the word man is a label and the word woman is just a label too. Words for covering up our blindspots as human beings. Good talk 😊👍🏽

Shumake, it's good advice and insight. Only God can get that timing right. You could miss your blessing by 10 minutes if you're not in tune and it JUST won't work out if it's not in God's timing. You're right about wasting time with somebody who's jealous and trying to sabotage you. Great video.

YOU ARE THE REALIST MAN ♂️ ON KZfaq!!!! SO GLAD I CAME ACROSS YOUR CHANNEL ☺️. YOU HAVE A NEW SUBSCRIBER. ✊🏾

This is upsetting and depressing at the same time.

Oh god why is dating so complicated! Why can’t it just be more simple?

The fact he's talking about his now, wife...🙌🏾👏🏾

My experience is that men would rather live with regrets... I get that one may need to work on themselves but no one really knows when you are going to meet a high value person... You should know how to multitask and finesse the situations that come your way because it is life.. It can be managed not programned, not manipulated or controlled we all have to learn how to roll with the punches... Not all opportunities comes back around but the choice is always yours....

I've been settling ..because I can't find a man I want. But now Ive seen it caused a lot of pain for myself and the other person. So not worth it. Didn't think I was settling at the time. But later realised I was and needed to stop doing it. Period!!

Your absolutely correct! I’ve met a man that we both knew he wasn’t ready but we still gave it a chance but at the end I feel like I lost a best friend and a partner. I do believe in not burning bridges in whatever type of relationship perspective it may be, and my life isn’t nearly as close to where I want it to be but I’ve noticed I do have an upper hand over most men. But I’m going to continue to build and accept nothing less than what I want, and I’m not asking for a lot, but I know what I’m capable of adding to someone’s life.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Now I understand why men pass up great catches. High value women need to focus on guys that are ready to settle down and have their sh*t together.

In my opinion high value is more of a mental construct. Materialism/money is accessible to everyone.

I totally respect your view on focusing towards your goals. That’s admirable to say the least. I have the mentality that relationships are just not a necessity. Especially when I care about taking care of myself. I’d rather travel 🧳 ☺️

I have a great male friend in my life who has pretty much stated the same thing that you have stated. He told me that I was too good for him. I allowed him to move on because that’s what he wanted to do. I learned later why he needed to do that because he was trying to build. The bad thing is that he got married to a woman who trapped him and now he is divorced with a 5 yr old daughter. I watched him get crushed from trying to get with a woman who he thought was on his level economic wise. She wasn’t on his level mentally and it is so hard seeing him go through so much pain. The facts that you have stated are real but I believe relationship is more than economic status and building as well. Man get where you need to be so you can get that woman she is worth it. You are right about how high value women are a dime a dozen but so are high value men. Neither are considered high value by what they have.

New subscriber here! I appreciate your transparency and this is the reason why I believe BW must "vet" a man before giving too much of themselves. I keep hearing this narrative that BW need to choose better, however "men" need to stop wasting women's time. If you know youre not ready then get with a woman who doesnt mind hanging out, having sex and shooting the sh$%...there's plenty of them out here! We as women many of times allow a man to hurt, use and abuse us...when the signs are clear as day, red flags all over the place...but we make excuses. When a man is truly interested in you and ready to lock you down(black, white, chinese or other) he will make it clear. You wont have to question it or weigh the good and bad. Do you...live your best life and when the time is right it will happen. I honestly dont understand why its so difficult to understand.

I've just been binging your videos this evening. Your voice is so soothing

When you mentioned, men being uncomfortable, i was like 'ain't that normal' to be pushing out of your comfort zone.. then i realised how much I adopted that work on yourself mindset. And it can get fuckin tiring llike damn.. i feel bad for the guys i thought i could help see their potential, people aren't to fix or help work on internal things (unless they ask) I'm learning to respect my boundaries and not overstep others. Notice the reactions, spoken and unspoken. Subliminal or clear as day! Move if you must.🤷🏾‍♀️

He is right. This is what a guy told me. We are friends to this day. We have known each other for over 20 years. He said “ I had nothing to offer you back then.” I was in school and moving towards a doctorate degree. He asked for more, at the time, I said no because I wanted to be focused. He said I intimidated him. He walked away from the relationship. We never argued, no hard feelings, not even to this day. It was the wrong time for the both of us.

It takes a mature man to be this honest. As a sister, I compliment and encourage you. You WILL get there and find your sister. Stay focused. 🦋

Yes no settling period. Settling takes up soooo much energy.

Pretty sad that a woman with "the basics" (ie, a job and a car, etc) is still too out of reach for a lot of these dusty dudes in the community--sorry to say, but at least this guy is honest!...Just date hypergamously, and men w/ integrity, and friendzone the others ladies----save yourself the grief!...No more fixer-uppers in 2022--Over it.

Either take the leap and build while you’re with her or release her, altogether. If she’s in love with you, and you know she is ... 9 times out of 10 she’s holding out for you to come through. But, to build and say you’re not ready, is unfair to her - especially because she knows deep down you feel the same way. Most importantly, tomorrow is NOT promised to anyone. It’s more painful to live with a lifetime of regret, than to have never stepped out on faith to build and be with her, simultaneously. Tell fear to get back! Rooting for you!! You are naturally a leader, take your place, King!!

I appreciate you for this. This message is powerful. it’s something I kept saying about my ex. Our timing wasn’t right he was supposed to be working on himself. I can definitely say that I’ve learnt something from this experience I’ll make better choices and follow my instinct. Im not perfect either but thats one of the things I’m taking from this video. ☀️

Yes do a follow up video make a series out of this!! Im curious whens your birthday lol? I fell in love with someone who felt the way you do about having your life be the perfect stage before you get your leading lady. And he lost me because he couldn't articulate that to me without feeling guilty because he pushed me away. I understand what your saying but i would like to comprehend more of the feelings that one would have in your situation. Your friend of 15yr and you seeming to be ok with losing the opportunity to be with her because your still bettering yourself. Which i 100% agree with. But sometimes that partnership is what helps you become better.

Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Much love and respect 💖

Thank you so much for this video. I truly feel like you were honest, transparent, and fair. This helped to explain a lot of things that have happened to me in romantic relationships. I’ve been able to go back and talk with most of my ex’s and they all say the same thing. They didn’t feel good enough or weren’t ready for a woman like me. I realized I was pointing out shortcomings, not on purpose, but out of love and trying to help them, so I’m sure that had a huge impact. So this is facts, just have to manifest the person with a similar timing in life. Thank you for sharing this perspective! ☺️ Subscribed!

Wow! I'm amazed by your transparency and humbleness. Love your realization that as a man you placed yourself in situations that you had no business in and was a waste of time 💯 I see how it's allowing you to apply the wisdom you have!!!

Wait til he has his ish together? Women please just value yourself enough to walk away when he shows you he's not ready for you.

The bottom line...Rarely is there time or patience to wait for someone to “catch up.” Adjusting and growing together is fine. You are the results of the work that you’ve done. You can’t pretend to have integrity, loyalty, and confidence for long. There is a price to pay for being a high value person. There’s even a price to pay for doing the wrong thing. You won’t have time to put your seatbelt on a second before running into a tree.

As a professional black woman I would love nothing better than a man to build and grow with. A high value woman will never remain stagnant. We will forever be seeking growth and improvement - as men should do themselves. As long as your intentions are good...kick down that intimidating and invisible wall you have built in your head, sit back and watch the magic happen. I promise you that.

Smdh. Toxic. In a nutshell. Definitely appreciate your honesty though... The ability for you to admit your shortcomings and give a real-life testimonial for the benefit of us! Preciate it... I found this out the hard way but our youngins may have lucked up and heard it here before having to endure the heartache and pain .

It's crazy how men can have a great woman around, but can't measure up to step up.🤔 Because they have played around too much in their younger days and trying to build themselves up around their mid 30's early 40's. The women 10 years ahead of y'all.