HAD A BABY WITH THE WRONG WOMAN NOW THE KIDS ARE SUFFERING

Рет қаралды 491,100

Күн бұрын

In this video I would like to talk to men about something that we rarely ever talk about in regards to having children. Having children with a woman that we are no longer in a relationship with to be exact. You see, we often hear stories of men being put on child support or dealing with toxic baby mamas or even going through family court. But I would be willing to bet that you have never had a conversation about what the kids are actually going through mentally, because of these unfortunate circumstances. At least not from this point of view!
If you haven't already heard, I have 50/50 custody of my two children. Me and their mother are no longer together and I've seen first hand how my kids have been effected by our arrangement. Of course it's good that I am equally involved in their lives. But it still can be damaging to the children in some ways. For example I told a story in this video about how my daughter had a hard time yesterday when I dropped them off to her mom. She was torn between staying another night with her dad or staying with her mom and that was hard for me to deal with as a dad. She was crying like somebody had died, so I know it felt alot worse for her and I wish that my children never had to go through that. If somebody would've told me about this aspect of being a single parent I definitely would've been alot more careful. That's why I made this video... I feel that it's important for all men to think about these things before they sleep around with different women that they have no intention on marrying. Sex feels good, but it can also bring a lifetime of pain for not only yourself, but your kids as well. Take it from me and don't do what I did!!!
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Пікірлер: 5 600

@TheShumakeWay 3 жыл бұрын

Hit the subscribe button while you’re here 🤝

@joannefarrior6544 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this. I’m on the opposite end of the common spectrum. He had me in court for years trying to posses his trophy at the expense of the kids. They’re teens now but it’s been a long journey. I know my oldest wishes we could just enjoy everything together but that would mean losing so much more than a mile, with him. Because of what you shared, I can do better though-in appreciating her experience😳. I’ll try 😁❤️

@sugar-spice38 3 жыл бұрын

New subscriber

@kimoramicheal8353 3 жыл бұрын

More videos like this please! This definitely can apply to both genders. Both genders are trifling! 😭

@Embelemokua 3 жыл бұрын

I just subscribed bro!💯

@thekinginvestor47 3 жыл бұрын

Brother stop simping for the subscribers it’s cringy. We must hold women accountable. It’s very noble for you to take all the blame. But that type of burden will catch up to sooner or later

@gmarie3082 3 жыл бұрын

This man is TEACHING. Sex is too damn casual in our culture and it’s creating so much dysfunction.

@beatricedevarenne2621 3 жыл бұрын

It’s not sex but promiscuity! No one want to protect themselves and wear comdom! Then kids pay the price of their reckless parents’s mind! People need to wake up and start to wear protection! Specially in our community

@imtheprize 3 жыл бұрын

Preach!

@Kitathegang 3 жыл бұрын

Yes and this is the issue it needs to be taught more and more to growing women not to give your body up to any and everyone !!!

@LlinsBen12 3 жыл бұрын

@@beatricedevarenne2621 nah sex in general, to much soul ties and energies being transferred. Don’t matter about protection. Protection don’t guarantee anything but celibacy do!

@marishajames3581 3 жыл бұрын

Yes and a lack of self control!

@ashleyofnaath 3 жыл бұрын

I used to work in the office at an elementary school, and I remember once I was calling for a pickup for a sick student. I tried his mother multiple times, she wasn't answering, so I told him that I was going to call his father. I kid you not, the color drained from his face and he asked me not to. I asked why, and he told me that it was his mother's week and that if I called his dad and his dad picked him up they'd scream at each other. My heart broke for the student, and it reminded me why I continue to wait until marriage for children.

@teremertz 3 жыл бұрын

I hear you, though marriage is no guarantee life will end up any differently. I waited until I was married to have kids. I was married for 12 years, had two kids, and it ended spectacularly badly. It’s been almost seven years now, and I still feel terrible for how my kids suffered during the divorce and aftermath. They are extremely well-adjusted now, fortunately. Life is hard no matter our best-laid plans 🧡

@ldwoods3237 3 жыл бұрын

Very 😥

@q.t.gamingfamily 3 жыл бұрын

@@teremertz very true but that doesn't mean throw children after marriage out the window

@kai8865 3 жыл бұрын

@@teremertz Sad as hell 😓

@mlewisbaltimore4947 3 жыл бұрын

Right marriage is no guarantee but waiting is still the best option.

@harrisonjoa 3 жыл бұрын

Notice he said it’s his fault and not try to blame his kids' mother? Real man!

@caribbeanraised6084 3 жыл бұрын

I agree this is rare

@snuggisthecute 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I did notice that. So much respect for him.

@YaYa-zm3wu 3 жыл бұрын

Because he isn't a deadbeat...those are the ones who typically try to place blame everywhere but on themselves...

@c.s.804 3 жыл бұрын

He may or may not blame her in his head, but the key is not announcing it public for the children's sake.

@bettyphillips40 3 жыл бұрын

There are women who do the same but I’m glad he is speaking up. Men need to hear it from a man.

@18Wheeler-cf1mx 3 жыл бұрын

A black man being a dad. Much love my dude.

@elvinisroberts2987 3 жыл бұрын

There are great Black fathers. In my generation all my friends and neighbors had fathers in the home. It wasn’t until it became “normal “ to be teenage mothers and fathers. THAT is the problem.

@GHO5tMod3 8 ай бұрын

Honey other groups have absent fathers trust me I know because I do social work with all types of people. I’m fourth generation in my family and we ALL knew our dads and grew up in wedlock as a black person Black fathers exists

@adamsamuel6706 3 жыл бұрын

Never make a decision when you are stressed, depressed, or being caressed

@BigReggii 3 жыл бұрын

BARS!!!! 100% Facts

@AMiah-jz8uu 3 жыл бұрын

Hahah

@Banana-lk7tf 3 жыл бұрын

Amen!!

@godmused 3 жыл бұрын

Absolute Truth!!!!

@RainneRae 3 жыл бұрын

True 😂

@CatherineCherlene 3 жыл бұрын

Same way black men tell black women to “pick better” black men should be “picking better” too 🤷🏾‍♀️

@PennyMsElite 3 жыл бұрын

Very true.

@CadillacBoss30 3 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately "picking better" for men and women to often means settling for less. Less Money, less ambition, less attraction. It seems like too many men and women have to settle for less than relationships, for a black community full of families to be realistic

@PennyMsElite 3 жыл бұрын

@@CadillacBoss30 Not exactly true.

@mlewisbaltimore4947 3 жыл бұрын

@@CadillacBoss30 no people just need to be realistic on top of being mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially ready.

@chandishuntley5001 3 жыл бұрын

@@CadillacBoss30 What? 🤔 I think that's just called...settling...not picking better

@amarieh2002 2 жыл бұрын

I had a daughter at 18 not knowing the consequences worst day of my life was explaining to my daughter why I couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted more than anything both of her parents together. It will humble you like nothing else can

@sixteen.candles.4644 Жыл бұрын

It is humbling.

@ThePeacePlant Жыл бұрын

I love your comment. Its beautiful

@MaddHeather 8 ай бұрын

Going through it with my 4 year old son right now. His dad has been in and out his whole life and it's been 2 months since he has seen him last this time around. It's so hard.

@kathyoneill4011 3 жыл бұрын

As a teacher, I have seen the emotional damage this causes to kids. They think the absent parent does not love them anymore because he or she has another children to attend to. This sparks a lot of hurt, rivalry, hate and low self-esteem

@TheLightShines 2 жыл бұрын

Complete facts

@tobyjohn-kq8hr 11 ай бұрын

It's like a family member um around you had a baby by men you aren't with and looking at family like the supposed to take of them well you still reckless um sorry there yours

@ayoolaogunleye5960 3 жыл бұрын

Don’t make her a mother if you’re not gonna make her your wife

@Ascension1004 3 жыл бұрын

Women have to do a better job of using discretion as well.

@michaelhester404 3 жыл бұрын

@Ayoola He Didn't "make" her a mother! Only a man who raped a woman can "make" a woman a mother.

@Ascension1004 3 жыл бұрын

@@michaelhester404 exactly

@ayoolaogunleye5960 3 жыл бұрын

@@michaelhester404 Taking it out of proportion bro, I meant for those in power of choice

@bossqueenStar 3 жыл бұрын

Exactly!!. It's a norm to have child mother's but not to have a wife. It's so mess up. People sexing around and they don't even know the person . Then there's possible of pregnancy .

@timothymarchant 3 жыл бұрын

Every 16 year old boy needs to watch this and then periodically every year till they're 26.

@simeon2851 3 жыл бұрын

Till long after they are married..

@shanae9594 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, this is the truth!

@veeeeneerkay6098 3 жыл бұрын

Totally agree

@globaloneinc.2838 3 жыл бұрын

Women as well.

@rachelr375 3 жыл бұрын

U not lying!

@kneeapolytan 3 жыл бұрын

I tell my brothers all the time, “you want an easy girl, then you going to have easy girl problems.”

@vitaminhead1465 3 жыл бұрын

Same goes for men, don’t want no easy man

@God.sDaughter 3 жыл бұрын

What makes a woman an easy girl?

@Peach-kv4ze 3 жыл бұрын

@@God.sDaughter That’s what I wanna know.

@YunikuYosefMomoka 3 жыл бұрын

@@Peach-kv4ze @Mary A one night stand, stop acting stupid. Women who willingly sleep with people's husbands are not mother material.

@athena7042 3 жыл бұрын

Easy girl probably means someone who will have sex without a commitment and or soon after meeting the man, and perhaps without protection. Date someone in person for at least three months before having sex, and only in a long term, loving, monogamous relationship. If they won't wait for that, they aren't the one.

@pinkymcd4684 3 жыл бұрын

Brother, you should become a motivational speaker for young black men. They will thank you in the end, trust me. Stay focused, and Much Love !! ❤

@daughterofzion6566 3 жыл бұрын

Amen...

@deidremoulton2719 3 жыл бұрын

God bless you son. Become the best Father you can be to your children But...Also don't Forget to love and respect the Mother's of your children! You are a GREAT Influence to how your children will see you . They are also the product of their Mother's. If you don't show love to the mother's Your children will see this and not respect you because your are hurting the other half of them.

@MM-km5zf 3 жыл бұрын

I worked in a men's prison where the population is mostly black men...I challenged their promiscuity thinking so much as well as breaking the single parent household statistics...some argued with me and blamed the baby mammas, but I challenged them and sometimes feared for my life as I walked out to go home for the day...I had several of them (wish it was the majority) tell me privately that I inspired them to break the generational curse of single parenting/absent fathers.....I am not black, but I grew up without a father..I don't even know who he is...the damaged it has caused me the emptiness I've always felt are motivators to continue talking to men who care less for their children and only focus on having a good time

@Kmama801 3 жыл бұрын

@@MM-km5zf please continue doing this work it is so needed!

@justjanies 3 жыл бұрын

Both genders need to see this.

@msgatlin357 3 жыл бұрын

Agreed

@thekinginvestor47 3 жыл бұрын

Women need to be held more accountable period

@carolwilliams8840 3 жыл бұрын

@@thekinginvestor47 What about both being held accountable?

@freyaljones7368 3 жыл бұрын

@@thekinginvestor47 true im a women and i couldnt agree more both genders get abused and its scarey the fact they is more cases outhere

@Jaded42O 3 жыл бұрын

@@thekinginvestor47 You mean the single mothers that have raised most of you

@chrissy1448 3 жыл бұрын

Us black women also need to learn to protect our wombs. That's what I'm teaching my daughters from day one.

@janine3330 3 жыл бұрын

@BrownGolden Girl I agree with you but that is only half of the equation. Black boys also need to be socialized to be responsible and accountable. They need to be taught to respect themselves, women and girls and not to buy into the toxic male belief that being a man is about sleeping with as many women as you can. As a community we put so much pressure and accountability on females but little to none on the males. This will create good women but No decent men, it's like building half a house. 💯

@bremd2018 3 жыл бұрын

@BrownGolden Girl Very true, it starts at home. We can’t avoid mistakes we make at a young age if we aren’t educated properly and don’t know. But keep in mind men can be great actors to get what they want and that includes sex, kids, and marriage. The best way I’ve seen it play out is just staying protected for a few years, even in a marriage. Marriage doesn’t prevent a split home because people constantly change and you may think you know a person well, but you really don’t.

@ULuvJanae 3 жыл бұрын

@BrownGolden Girl I know that's right

@SisterKnight 3 жыл бұрын

Boys are never taught this lesson. I've been taught to 'protect my womb' from birth and to never become a baby mama. Dating in a pool of men who were taught the opposite is exhausting. Little black boys need to be taught to protect their fertilizer, and not create children in different homes. I dated endless dudes with multiple kids, I never slept with any man who had kids outside of marriage or in multiple homes. Needless to say I was always disappointed. Until I met my hispanic husband, I never dated a man who values family and need to have a two parent household and that is sad. Women have been told to protect their wombs and are still tricked into babymama-hood by deceivers and liars. I think we need to teach little black children to value the creation of life and the need for it to happen in a healthy two parent atmosphere. Not just the girls...

@astoldbymuriel103 3 жыл бұрын

Yes. I wasnt taught this surprisingly. Especially with me having a mother who had her children from her husband. I was fancy and free with my womb since age 15. But my girls were taught better by Me. I have 5 children and absolutely NO grandchildren.

@sylviaj270 3 жыл бұрын

“This” is the conversation they don’t want to hear.

@nickoharden 3 жыл бұрын

Young Brother THIS is what needs to go VIRAL!!!! I’ve been there done that! I’ve been teaching my boys this since they where 10 and 11 because it starts when you’re very young. You over hear male family members and friends glorify being a player,Mac and a pimp and your mind begins to form the WRONG impression of relationships with women and you become vulnerable to the traps that have been set for you to fall into this lifestyle. Every single mother who has a son and every father who wants to lead his sons and daughters in the right way, YOUR CHILD NEEDS to hear this MESSAGE!!👊🏾💪🏾💪🏾Thanks Bro 4REAL!!!!

@octoberflower6943 2 жыл бұрын

Lmfao!

@notbroku9528 2 жыл бұрын

Yess 🙌🏿

@sweetness3367 2 жыл бұрын

Yes..great post. We need to talk with our children honestly. Age approved conversation.. The casualties is the kids

@nikkinikki3001 Жыл бұрын

REAL TALK!

@dfjr19 3 жыл бұрын

At least you’re man enough to own up and take accountability. Much respect!

@iamhelena7159 3 жыл бұрын

Very true not that much man will speak up. Like that respect.

@gmamose9152 3 жыл бұрын

Think about how the parents acrimonious relationship is being modeled to the children on this is how relationships work. Most people are not healthy. It's hard when the culture amongst men is that to have credibility, they have to have had sex. Thank you for sharing. My kid's dad got them 3 weeks a year (it was all he wanted). I had to deal with a lot of emotional fallout when he dropped them off. Not the oldest child, the youngest...

@herlittledove 3 жыл бұрын

that is why the King finally found the right Queen...good to see a Man giving thumbs up for this :)

@wandaparker6183 3 жыл бұрын

I agree with you Mr. MARTIN

@Timwinful 3 жыл бұрын

Precisely

@solemates5306 3 жыл бұрын

As a 22 year old I appreciate this friendly reminder bro... life ain't a joke

@TheLastBarrel 3 жыл бұрын

Yes sir!

@Jeffery99 3 жыл бұрын

Same. Also 22

@JayPistol2000 3 жыл бұрын

Same . I’m so glad we have opportunities to be mentally sharp

@UzitheSaint 3 жыл бұрын

Yeah fr, same age. This why I’m fine with only getting head😂😂😂 but that’s just me 🤷‍♂️

@mutegoldfish1158 3 жыл бұрын

I'm 22 too

@willster1863 Жыл бұрын

Brutha, 1. I admire you for putting yourself out there on display! 2. It’s good to see brothers, taking accountability and action for being a great dad!

@TheShumakeWay Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@WayCoolNurse 3 жыл бұрын

By the way, same thing happens by marrying someone too fast based on "chemistry" or sex.

@triniwondawoman 3 жыл бұрын

💯👏🏿 so true! heck I've known ppl who didn't rush. took their time to get married. took their time to have children only to divorce. sadly nothing is guaranteed 😔

@annetteadams1694 3 жыл бұрын

True

@MsJoyce31202 3 жыл бұрын

Yes.

@lovejones69 3 жыл бұрын

Honnnneeeyyyy 🍯🍯🍯🍯

@t-alimichael3363 3 жыл бұрын

@@triniwondawoman 💯. Let God in..the devil will have its way on families.

@JenniferJohnson-fh8fx 3 жыл бұрын

My husband told me once that he wished he never had sex before he was married. I was so surprised to hear that because I never thought men even thought that way.

@griotolu7040 3 жыл бұрын

There's so many lies promoted in popular culture, misleading many men and women.

@griotolu7040 3 жыл бұрын

I want men and women reading this to check out Tony Gaskins and Breeny Lee. Only ones I'm seeing exposing the real motivations behind the behaviours we witness among us as well as the long term impacts. May we all gain more wisdom and understanding!

@stardustgirl2904 3 жыл бұрын

God intended for his children not to have sexual relations before marriage! Sex is sacred it's used to create a bond between two people in 💕 love! Society has cheapend love, and made it so it wasn't special anymore, and people in society, our young people are being CHEATED of real 💕 LOVE! IT'S why society and children are suffering! Good for your husband, realizing God's way is best! 🙏🏾🙏🏼🙏🏻👍💜

@gseric4721 3 жыл бұрын

@@stardustgirl2904 that "one flesh" thing is real too. Almost scary when considering 🤦🏾‍♂️

@adamsansom4822 3 жыл бұрын

Of course we do. Well, some if us...

@heartlesswoman1904 3 жыл бұрын

When you get to your late twenties it seems like most black men have atleast one child by someone, It’s strange that we are such a religious community but so over sexual

@CeeceeH1819 3 жыл бұрын

I explored this aspect and it has a lot to do with the passed on trauma from slavery times. The stunted development of our Blk men is also a consequence of pased down trauma. Look up epigenetics.

@CeeceeH1819 3 жыл бұрын

@Precious Erving-Frimpong As you are Ghanaian, you may not fully understand what your fellow Carribbean and AA brothers and sistahs have suffered through trauma.

@h.n.r2151 3 жыл бұрын

@@CeeceeH1819 💯 We have a lot of unhealed trauma from slavery that’s just getting recognition.

@CeeceeH1819 3 жыл бұрын

@Morgan Taylor it is a good starting point. To understand your present, you have got to understand the past. What savagely happened to us has shaped who we are today.

@andreaa.1393 3 жыл бұрын

And black women too

@SasaSasa-wy9wu 3 жыл бұрын

This is very refreshing to hear, a man teaching another man.

@oceanlover2426 Жыл бұрын

It’s great! Plus, it seems like there is a phrase repeated over and over that women must “choose better”. No. Both women and men need to choose better. Both women and men need to exercise more self control. We all have room to learn, grow, and evolve.

@heathermetz6576 Жыл бұрын

15:04 "Nobody never told me aye, the psychological aspect of having children outta wedlock and having children with somebody that's not right for you!" Thank you for posting this. I remember the pain of split homes when I was a teen and that hurt.

@Chid098 3 жыл бұрын

My dad told me what his father told him. "Never sleep with a woman u gon regret...so that incase a mistake happens you can at least have some peace of mind". took that shit to heart since.

@chanelschanel8493 3 жыл бұрын

Those are real men right there! I am a 19 girl and what my grandmothers and mother told me “ be careful who you open your legs for because you never know what will happen it may either be a lifetime of happiness or a lifetime of pain” We have to let the next generation know that sex isn’t the answer to everything.

@silentlessons4221 3 жыл бұрын

thats some real advice u got there.

@joseph200ful 3 жыл бұрын

💯💯💯💯

@therealjulez7886 3 жыл бұрын

AMEN to that homie.. I have a mental case ex who always hits me up for sex, i always leave her on read

@signsofthetimes886 3 жыл бұрын

@@HebrewHammer1337 naa, thats not it. Sex is not the only thing to do in order to have "fun". You saying to pull out from these "hos with no babies" is the type of thought process that leads people into a life long problematic situation just like what the man was talking in the video.

@mintleaf4651 3 жыл бұрын

Taking accountability for our actions without blaming others is needed.

@kai8865 3 жыл бұрын

Yep but the baby momma needs to start being accountable also

@rose-annwoodsley1252 3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, it's always "someone's fault"...smh If you break a glass, you were holding. Take responsibility. Spend over your monthly financial budget. Take responsibility. Driving a car, and you get into a accident without anyone else involved. Take responsibilty, Everything isn't about walking away and avoiding fault or responsibility. Too much blaming going around

@marleyhill34 3 жыл бұрын

@@rose-annwoodsley1252 Liam just said yeah but...so everything before that he discounted. I always say do what you know what you supposed to do. the people who ain't acting right going to get their karma.

@ranedoecht.3042 3 жыл бұрын

@@kai8865 👍yep. Everyone needs to be accountable. And not get defensive and point fingers. Two people laid down together. Two people should be taking responsibility. I see many mothers that don't and many fathers that make excuses and join groups like mgtow. I understood the premise of this group and even supported the main tenants but it quickly devolved into what feminism is today, only that these men seem bitter towards their bm. Now we have this weird dynamic of blaming the other gender.

@kai8865 3 жыл бұрын

@@ranedoecht.3042 Spitting straight facts 🔥

@bagobeans 3 жыл бұрын

What a great video. Grandparents suffer too. The mother of my son's child refuses to let me have contact with the child. Everyone suffers. All because a few minutes of pleasure.

@peggynorton5535 3 жыл бұрын

I'm right there with you. I'm not even allowed in my sons house now nor his dad because of her. Neither have done anything except not be her parents. She screams at my son and his other two kids constantly. I wish he would throw her out.

@susanmorgan7177 3 жыл бұрын

Yes I hear you all, I have two grandsons , these parents are always busy , but you can’t take it out on 2 precious boys , because he married a bitch , and to top it off , nobody did nothing to her , wrong wrong wrong 😑

@glorfindelchocolateflowery6392 2 жыл бұрын

That's why I say its better not to give people grandkids. Because if you try to keep your abusive spouse away from your kids the grandparents will just guilt trip you. Can't wait to get my tubes tied so I won't ever hear a old person guilt trip me about grandkids

@juanitamanderson9201 2 жыл бұрын

To all grandparents, you have rights to see your grands. If need be take the BITCH OR BASTARD TO COURT PERIOD!

@evaphillips2102 Жыл бұрын

She’s pure evil. I’m so sorry.

@R0Z3MVRY 3 жыл бұрын

I have to share this with my male friends and cousins ASAP!! They need to take notes and reevaluate their lives.

@laurastevenson2785 3 жыл бұрын

I am a 72 year old black woman , and I have been around the block, but I have never had any man confess about the reality regarding sex, pregnant, children in the most honest, respectful way of telling the truth so help me God. I am so proud of you, for putting this out for hopefully other people, to just understand what you are saying, and follow you for the good of man kind. This is what I pray. anyway. Continue to love and Bless your children.God Bless your journey love.☺️❤️🙏🏾

@shepink6204 3 жыл бұрын

Very well stated and needed from a woman of your caliber. I wholeheartedly agree

@o0R3stless0o 3 жыл бұрын

You should make a video.

@sevenkings2354 3 жыл бұрын

Girl I bet they look at you like your crazy.. They do when I say it....

@monsieurimhim6147 3 жыл бұрын

Upload a photo 72?

@YourAverageNiche 3 жыл бұрын

A 72 years old who uses emojis in texts? Nice try, though.

@08Coolster 3 жыл бұрын

Us brothers gotta have self control and say no to women who we don't plan to see a future with. Good video brotha

@TheShumakeWay 3 жыл бұрын

Facts... Thank you

@marciachristina9513 3 жыл бұрын

Us women too I had a baby with the wrong man now me and my daughter is suffering because he's choosing not to be here for us

@katelewis3245 3 жыл бұрын

Black men have to stop forcing themselves to be with black women.

@kingoscar5884 3 жыл бұрын

@@katelewis3245 Huh?

@bg23allday1 3 жыл бұрын

@@katelewis3245 wait what?

@CB-gl5xn 3 жыл бұрын

When children have to go back and forth it can be difficult. Children want a mom and dad because it’s natural. They want their family living under one roof.

@beverlycarter5382 3 жыл бұрын

I enjoyed watching this video, I was very impressed with his message and this is for both men and women. Sex is not love, and making a baby is more than cuteness, it's a financial, emotional and psychological responsibility and so many children suffer in the long run because the conception was from lust not love. Good message!!

@natilyfe 3 жыл бұрын

I'm 34 with no kids. Everytime somebody asks me why I don't have any I always say that just because a woman can get pregnant doesn't mean she's ready to be or can be a mother/wife/partner etc...

@WilliamEllison 3 жыл бұрын

It's mostly you are not ready for kids. I've been Married almost 20 years, and I'm 39. We started having kids our first year married. At this point you are going to be a old man dad when your kids are getting out of high school. That is if you started now. By the time you understand what Love is and how to treat a woman it's going to be to late for you, I fear. Women need guidance, and they are always a mess at first, just like we all are, --- thus Love requiring a lot of sacrifice. No woman or man is ever ready to have kids or be in a loving relationship. Learning how to Love is a hard road that most will never walk or they will fall off the path due to hard times. Love demands courage, strength, gentleness, humbleness, No-ego and self-control. Most men never learn these skills. And yes they are skills you need to work on. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love is not a feeling. It's something you wake up and do every morning.

@mizzchoc10 3 жыл бұрын

Same thing applies to men. Why is there a high rate of fathers disappearing?

@WilliamEllison 3 жыл бұрын

@@mizzchoc10 I just told you if your listening

@FiveMCity 3 жыл бұрын

@@mizzchoc10 more so women keeping and doing everything in their power to keep men away from their kids. There are more men willing to be father, rather than 30 years ago. All my guy friends are in their kids lives and love them. It's the bby mom causing hell.

@FiveMCity 3 жыл бұрын

@@WilliamEllison There are women out here getting an abortion despite if the man does not want it to happen. And there's nothing like someone else killing a part of you and throwing it away like trash.

@Portia7189 3 жыл бұрын

I shared this video with my two unmarried, no children, young adult sons. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

@mariademers3111 3 жыл бұрын

I’m in favor of you giving this talk to high school kids. What a gift you’d be giving them. You’re 100percent

@avayu2289 3 жыл бұрын

This PSA should go hugely viral! Thank you because having babies is serious business and lifetime commitments.

@MoonKingGamingMobile 3 жыл бұрын

I’m 24 and I appreciate the message brother. I was one of those kids caught in the crossfire I have a counselor to help with the trauma so I don’t repeat that cycle I promised myself growing up I wouldn’t allow my future kids to know the life I went through; I plan to find someone with same values and in my religion get married and then have kids.

@TheShumakeWay 3 жыл бұрын

You’re a smart man. Keep doing what you’re doing

@shedellpretty8607 3 жыл бұрын

I’m here what’s up what’s your ig

@shepink6204 3 жыл бұрын

Awesome, just always be truthful and real with your children, they'll appreciate it.

@marttelly6663 3 жыл бұрын

@@shedellpretty8607 😀😀😀😀

@sppsports2449 3 жыл бұрын

Look at his eyes. I see pain in those eyes. This man has been through some shit.

@Beowulf002 Жыл бұрын

I appreciate this video. I always grew up knowing something was not right that all my non black friends and mixed friends with non black fathers and black mothers had two parent households. I remember one birthday party where my dad was there and one of my friends asked me why my brother and sister weren't calling my dad, "dad". After a while I would lie and say me and my sister had the same dad bc it was so embarrassing being in a single household with different dads. them recession years was hard on us. My sister went on to perpetuate the cycle and got 3 kids by 3 men and only one is partially active and my sister is not active in the oldest life. He being raised by my mom. Men in our community do a lot of blaming on women picking the wrong men but its 50/50. the majority of men in our community have a pump and dump mentality and create single mothers not only in our community but in non black women as well. Thank you for holding men accountable

@susanmurphy958 3 жыл бұрын

It's nice to see you care about your children so much.

@delnitap 3 жыл бұрын

My ex thought I was crying because he was dating another woman behind my back but I was crying because I know the feeling of not having my dad living At home. Now my kids have to know that feeling. 😪😥. I cried for my kids.

@ojay2595 3 жыл бұрын

They don’t have to. Get therapy as a couple

@jassh2610 3 жыл бұрын

It’s never about then choosing another woman, it’s about a man choosing another woman over their child.

@missantrafalgar782 3 жыл бұрын

@@ojay2595 why? The man cheated, he made his choice. Idk about u but for me cheating is not a part of relationship struggles.

@veliciawilliams5865 3 жыл бұрын

@@jassh2610 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

@veliciawilliams5865 3 жыл бұрын

@@missantrafalgar782 I am confused about that statement.🤔🤔🤔

@teremertz 3 жыл бұрын

I’ve been sharing 50/50 custody with my ex for six years now. It sucks. It’s heartbreaking the emotional havoc torn-apart families cause. I waited until marriage to have kids, and after 12 years my marriage ended very badly. Married, not married, being apart from your kids is a special hell, for them, and for you.

@lelo46 3 жыл бұрын

I’m going through all of this now. In the beginning stages of divorce. He’s already brought the children around another woman. And we’re just together 1.5 ago. Now my young children have another woman around. I sometimes regret ever getting married or having children with him. I wanted a solid family unit. Smh

@realtruth3762 3 жыл бұрын

@@lelo46 omg thats most women’s nightmare. is there any legal way to not have other partners around your child? I dont have kids yet but just curious if there‘s such a thing in general

@bremd2018 3 жыл бұрын

@@realtruth3762 Not in most states unless both parties agree to this for each other during visitation and it’s written into the custody agreement, or for the previously married couples, in the divorce decree, and signed by a judge. It’s not mandatory and judges won’t agree on it unless both parents want this or there is abuse or drugs involved, which will cause a loss of custody in general. When visitation occurs, the parent granted that time decides whoever, whenever they want around the children. Judges understand and promote both parties moving on but they don’t understand or get involved with how long they’ve known the person or if you have a reason not to trust the judgement of who the other parent has around the child. It usually comes off as jealousy, even when it’s not if you have good reasoning. So as @lelo46 said, it makes you regret things all together. And the only thing you can do is learn from it, but it’s honestly too late when you’re already in it.... But I’m glad Shumake made this video to hopefully educate others.

@palmtreemrs 3 жыл бұрын

Same. Was a virgin when I married at 27. We divorced after 13 years and I am heartbroken for my kids being caught between 2 parents. My ex will not co-parent nicely.

@lighteningsnips 3 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that, it must be hard dealing with this situation.

@twintwo278 3 жыл бұрын

He needs to be speaking this to the MASSES!!! Men and women, boys and girls!!!! Yesssss Lord!!!!

@rs5570 3 жыл бұрын

Old white lady in Ohio here - not sure how this got in my feed but the title got my attention. This is one of the best videos I’ve seen. This should win some kind of serious award & be played in all public schools and not just shown to kids but to everyone, everywhere for many reasons. This really gets across because it’s so real. Thank you.

@lavinder11 3 жыл бұрын

My generation had a serious teen parent problem, so my dad was very strict about sex, protection and pregnancy. He made sure to drill it into my head to be safe and only have relations with men that I could marry. I'm 33 years old with no children (on purpose) and very little relationship drama.

@sylviemorgan9770 3 жыл бұрын

Good for u,am the same,and am near 50..

@reg8297 3 жыл бұрын

That gay relationships

@reg8297 3 жыл бұрын

@@amyqb117 in end we find out bible holds all the truth God says none of us will inherit kingdom of God if we fornicate so hard to he like Lord

@KimontheWeb 3 жыл бұрын

And that’s why I live and promote celibacy until marriage, which is the REAL planned parenthood.

@KimontheWeb 3 жыл бұрын

@Lo Livingston Hi Lo thank you for your comment and you’re right a lot of men aren’t waiting however I personally know many who, are some even male virgins or celibate for years or was celibate and are now married.DeVon Franklin and Russell Wilson are examples of men who actually encouraged their now wives to wait with them and in my book, ‘How to Date and Stay Saved’, I feature 12 couples who were abstinent with each other, in spite of their sexual pasts, and are now happily married with families so it is possibles and the right person will wait with you it’s all a matter of perspective and believing in the possibility and not basing it on the majority.

@shiftautomotive854 3 жыл бұрын

Marriage won’t solve anything ppl who go through divorce after having a child

@mustanggang5.0 3 жыл бұрын

Kevin samuels has entered the chat

@KayKashi 3 жыл бұрын

You don’t have to be celibate just use a damn condom and birth control.

@KayKashi 3 жыл бұрын

Also you can be married but it fails

@Nille0212 3 жыл бұрын

This is something every single young man needs to hear once puberty hits and every 3 months until 18, then every 6 months until they finally find the right woman. I tell my nephews all the time, "Don't get caught up in a lifetime of grief over a 10 second nut!" I have seen the damage done to children born in hostile situations. I'm a product of it. My parents are like oil and water. They got caught up, and he dipped out a week after I was born. It's still horrible having to interact with them both at the same time! And I'm 41!!! 😳😳😳 So I definitely don't want to see that continued in their generation. I didn't have kids because I didn't find someone who could be the man I wanted to bring children into the world with and create a family with.

@jonheredia8789 3 жыл бұрын

Great respect to you for being real....... coming from a 60 year old man who never had children.... continue teaching life's lessons to our young people.

@pauljoseph3081 3 жыл бұрын

To view sex as a form of true happiness will be the most depressing experience, EVER.

@fkhan1036 3 жыл бұрын

as a woman i agree !!

@childofolivares8754 3 жыл бұрын

Imagine what people like that would do to get it if no one wants to do it with them. Not saying all of them but at least the thought would cross 99% of their minds

@SRoseBlog 3 жыл бұрын

Sex with my husband is the best feeling in my world. It makes me truly happy and exciting experience

@mustaphamarseille8102 3 жыл бұрын

@Nicholas H you’re very smart. I don’t know what the hell that woman is talking about. Sex is part of love, she might wanna look up the four parts if love. Eros is the sex part.

@mustaphamarseille8102 3 жыл бұрын

@@ARS-fn6px Nicholas does have a point, you don’t sleep with your husband and he will cheat. Period. Try messing with reality and see who loses. A man can love you and still cheat on you. What is love to you?

@ChezB70 3 жыл бұрын

Two minutes of pleasure for a lifetime of pain...

@chanelschanel8493 3 жыл бұрын

💯 I always say it can only take a second To change your life forever

@ericlester5033 3 жыл бұрын

For me it's like 59 second's N a half

@ChezB70 3 жыл бұрын

@@ericlester5033 😂😂😂

@TheRenegadeStarr 3 жыл бұрын

And two minutes with someone you BARELY know. Sh^t is weird

@neonwaves6449 3 жыл бұрын

Two minutes?!

@Jaisha26 3 жыл бұрын

Great video sir. Marriage first, sex and children later. This way, you can have these types of conversations at home and prepare your children for success. Bless you sir.

@TheWirelessWoman 2 жыл бұрын

Getting into the marriage is one part but sustaining the marriage and having a healthy relationship after the kids is another. My first two children were born in wedlock and we went thru an ugly custody battle. At every phase men have to secure and protect their relationship, marriage and partnership with their wife before and during marriage

@michellejade3272 3 жыл бұрын

Morals are often looked down upon but often protect parents and children from these kinds of situations.

@keepitsimpleydb6151 3 жыл бұрын

So true -

@sixteen.candles.4644 3 жыл бұрын

Yes

@kellychavers 3 жыл бұрын

He’s trying to tell y’all. This is wisdom he is choosing to pass along. The smart ones will take heed. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

@dawnkacm4592 3 жыл бұрын

This video IS SO NEEDED AND SO SPOT ON! This needs to put on replay! Men need to open their eyes and focus on Maturing in their actions! Great video!

@nakedfeetkitchen 3 жыл бұрын

I love that you have the courage to talk about Fatherhood/parenting from an emotional stand point. The vulnerability is wonderful and refreshing. Good luck moving forward.

@EdemAf 3 жыл бұрын

Takes a real man to have this convo.

@xguy9999 3 жыл бұрын

Much respect for this video. I've been married to the right woman for 16 years, and we have two kids. And people always tell us we are unicorns In the black community. So sad.

@TheShumakeWay 3 жыл бұрын

It definitely is. Hopefully people will see more videos like this and see the light. By the way I’m about to get married soon and I I like to ask men like you this question... What is the best piece of advice you can give a soon to be newly wed?

@xguy9999 3 жыл бұрын

@@TheShumakeWay You already on the right track from what I see. For my wife and I it was all about building that strong foundation. God first, follow by us. We keep making that foundation stronger every day because the storms of life will always come to knock your marriage over. By the grace of God we made it through the storms and have become even stronger from them. May God bless you and your fiancé and your marriage.

@TheShumakeWay 3 жыл бұрын

@@xguy9999 i appreciate that. I can’t wait to be able to say I’ve been married as long as you.

@KrissyBeeTv 3 жыл бұрын

@@TheShumakeWay congrats. Im waiting for my god ordained spouse.

@tangoalpha94 3 жыл бұрын

@@KrissyBeeTv faith without works is dead. He’s not just going to pop up. Now go ahead and insult me and curse me out.

@TyHarrodTX 3 жыл бұрын

This message is timely. My son needs to hear this. Respect. I really appreciate you posting. Don't hear too much from this perspective. 💯

@resawhit2478 3 жыл бұрын

Also, I wanna say: your humility will bless your daughter if you keep this up with her, face to face, eyeball to eyeball…her tears in your mouth kind of talks.

@Bufekana 3 жыл бұрын

Its called HOOK UP culture nowadays! A lot people dont care but i hope this changes! Thank you for speaking about this!👋❤️greetings from Europe

@thatdude123 3 жыл бұрын

Hookup culture has been here for a long time. It didn't just start in this generation. Different names, same face.

@MH-yj5ed 3 жыл бұрын

@@thatdude123 it's always been there but it wasn't as heavily shamelessly promoted as is now.

@queenofthesouth4205 3 жыл бұрын

Being raised with both parents!!! It truly makes a difference.

@eerynessential 3 жыл бұрын

Yes..But..It can be toxic as well..ive lived thru it..& see it now..smh

@aviannawilliams149 3 жыл бұрын

@@eerynessential The same for me too

@sixteen.candles.4644 3 жыл бұрын

It didnt for me. My dad was toxic . my friends dad molested her. You need to reword it and say being raised with * good* parents make a difference.

@chavelahutchinson2657 3 жыл бұрын

@@sixteen.candles.4644 We all know what she means. Of course it's two " good" parents.

@FreeSpiritMom 3 жыл бұрын

Not for the better nor the worse as all children and families are different.

@cpvsgvmnt2116 3 жыл бұрын

This is the real conversation that needs to be had. All this talk of women being hypergamous isn't new. It's the type of women you (we) are looking at/for. The wrong one will destroy your life. The right one is a blessing..

@Beowulf002 Жыл бұрын

thats the wrong mentality. it sounds like you are blaming it on women when it takes two to tango. the women are NOT the leaders they are going to do what they think we want. black men promote pump and dump culture specifically and glorify thot culture. then have the nerve to complain that there are no good women. The bible says the portion of a wicked woman is a wicked man so if a woman destroys a mans life, he was not moving correctly in the first place.

@AscendinSoul Жыл бұрын

Prolly the most vulnerable video I’ve ever seen. And very effective. Watched it twice a year apart. Daughter cried so much her tears fell in his mouth, 😢.

@paulstrathern4309 3 жыл бұрын

Yep. That's always been a major fear of mine. In my teens and early 20s a whole lot of dudes I knew growing up snickered and laughed at me for taking this position. Now I look at them all complaining about having to deal with child support. family court, custody battles, and resentful children. Now I'm the one laughing.

@spamman6369 3 жыл бұрын

Daddies are so important to their children's lives.

@lisanidog8178 3 жыл бұрын

Spam Man BOTH parents are important in kids' lives!

@spamman6369 3 жыл бұрын

@@lisanidog8178 Of course that is true Lisa. That should go without saying. Sadly in recent decades there has been a push to diminish the importance of the father's role. I only meant to emphasize, in the context of this video, the traditional obvious truth that daddies are indeed so important for a child's healthy growth.

@candy_apple8931 3 жыл бұрын

Yes ...

@lisanidog8178 3 жыл бұрын

@@spamman6369 they are contributors. There were times I had no choice but to go to dad because mom was insufferable at times. And yes he could be just as nurturing if not more so. But moms take on most of the burdens and aren't recognized. Dads are contributors. And a single mom for instance can be capable of being both parents since there are so many dead beat dads.

@myemail9711 3 жыл бұрын

@@lisanidog8178 what about the dead beat moms? You will never understand the pain of being a hard working man, that will and do sacrifice any and everything for his lady and children only to be told you have to leave the home because she chose to no longer work and rely on the system. Then that very system see that you make good money so they attach child support on the sole provider to the point where it comes to pay your rent or mortgage or child support, which transfers to pay child support or be homeless. So many men fall into this category, if I choose to pay child support I'm gna be homeless which leads to being jobless because no matter how anyone look at it you can't be homeless and hold a good job. So you choose your own health and survival and get labeled a dead beat. So many men sell drugs and do dumb shit because of a woman they loved made choices that put their back against a wall

@resawhit2478 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for putting voice to this-I think that’s very brave, especially to represent what’s going on in your little daughter’s heart.

@lovechildonelove8642 3 жыл бұрын

Awesome message to the men out here, thank you for caring and sharing ❤

@grandson2537 3 жыл бұрын

Love your videos I’m a 25 year female wit no kids and I wanna wait till I’m married to have kids but I’m in no rush

@sophielorraine4654 3 жыл бұрын

🙌🙌

@tboss8243 3 жыл бұрын

Same

@CharisBrinkley 3 жыл бұрын

Good for you sweetie 💜

@lebonhlapo2607 3 жыл бұрын

Same here Sis 25 (Will be 26 in June), and not having any babies out of wedlock.

@grandson2537 3 жыл бұрын

@@lebonhlapo2607 definitely I feel you

@dontme4132 3 жыл бұрын

God tried to warn us when he told us not to fornicate. A whole slew of problems happens as a result.

@marcellespencer124 3 жыл бұрын

i wish i had listen to father God i didnt and now paying the price. but one thing i know my God has forgivin me.🇬🇧

@caribbeanraised6084 3 жыл бұрын

Right!!

@marymitchell3422 3 жыл бұрын

You said that right, ask me how I know. God is faithful🙏🏿

@oyaami1874 3 жыл бұрын

How many children did the men in the old testament have.

@awesom2bemelonestar10 3 жыл бұрын

This is the precise reason why he said that. All kinds of problems comes with fornication. It's a difficult habit to break, but it's possible.

@donnaevans5131 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for keepin’ it real!!! ALL guys need to hear this!

@triciabowles8992 3 жыл бұрын

You did an OUTSTANDING JOB creating this EXCELLENT MESSAGE! You took a risk and it WILL pay off for someone who watches this video. VERY proud of you as an AA man! My husband and I have two AA sons. We've been saying these same things to them since they were in 6th grade. It matters! It works! But someone has to speak this truth! DO NOT give any thought to the irresponsible people who gave this video a thumbs down. Chaos comes from irresponsible choices and behavior. Very big of you to share your truth and to be so transparent in your example. Bless you!

@tiffanyg5465 3 жыл бұрын

Amen brother! If you're not having sex then people think something is wrong with you or not normal. We all need to go back to the way dating is supposed to be. Conversation, spend time doing things together, and set good intentions on where it is going. Too many people giving advice on dating but not many people talking about the real issues. Thanks!

@indigoGoddess7 3 жыл бұрын

Agreed!

@katybrown9205 3 жыл бұрын

That’s a fact. My ex BFF literally joined online dating sites and met up and will literally have sex with them after the second date. And she’d have them in rotation. I abstain and there’s something wrong with me!!!!! 😑And she falls so easy. Creating soul ties and bitch to me about it. Why complain to me if there’s something wrong with me?? !!🧐🧐🤷🏾‍♀️. I stopped talking to her. She drained me.

@amarildopires2979 3 жыл бұрын

Lust is a hell of a drug

@ms.sunshine2u635 3 жыл бұрын

Very well said.

@Jesus-kt5dc 3 жыл бұрын

*Nah, just legalize prostitution and it will solve a lot of dysfunction in society.*

@dii-N-sd 3 жыл бұрын

It's about "quality" not "quantity". You can't be out here having sex with any and everybody you meet. Men and women both have to learn to have more self-respect.

@YunikuYosefMomoka 3 жыл бұрын

That's what you do if you want to give someone chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis.

@DrumLuv23 3 жыл бұрын

Why doesn't this have mo.... *sees half a million views in 13 days* Kudos!

@comptonrick 3 жыл бұрын

We the mindful black men. Salute💯

@tlashai9902 3 жыл бұрын

This is true, I respect men that have children, but at the same time I refuse to be with a man that has kids with multiple women, really not even one child. I had a man curse me out, then say I was judging him based off his past. People hate for you to call them on their mess, but I judged him off of current events. But these people don’t care if you are right for them or not, they just want who they want, but end up suffering the consequences later.

@oursimpleandnaturalkindofl7301 3 жыл бұрын

a lot of them will just lie to you and tell you that they don't have any kids. You end of finding out later. Those same guys that feel like you are judging them, will be the same ones on the woman hating youtube channels talking about how single moms are trash. There are thousands of guys on those channels, saying single moms are trash and don't date them but these guys don't have any children and havent made any single parent families?.. hypocrites. Also, that same guy will get you pregnant and you will be the next single mom. He has already shown you that he will walk away. Smart woman. I am teaching my daughter too. Keep her legs closed until marriage.

@tlashai9902 3 жыл бұрын

@mizzmolly thank you 🙏

@historiqueafricaine 3 жыл бұрын

That's why praying for discernement while dating someone and not getting intimate fast is a must!! God reveals red flags and can even send people with receipts about the people we're dealing with before jumping to a messy situation🙅 God asked us to guard our heart for a reason💜

@marleyhill34 3 жыл бұрын

@@oursimpleandnaturalkindofl7301 marriage is no guarantee either. the way how things are now, people get married for unholy and unhealthy reasons, ego trip, peer pressure, religious pressure, financial stability, lust, fear of being alone. I married for healthy reasons love and building a Christian life together but I didn't know what subtle signs to look for. My husband told me he was ready and ready specifically to marry me specifically and I believed him. Not a soul told me not to marry him. Effectively he was very good at hiding all of his unhealthy thoughts and behaviours and the Church loved him! But something in my spirit said not to have children with him. He got arrested for assaulting me and I left him. I know many single mothers who were married and had to get a divorce due to abuse or were divorced because their husband wanted a younger thinner woman. There are also those who married but their husband died but they get tarred with the same brush.

@oursimpleandnaturalkindofl7301 3 жыл бұрын

@@marleyhill34 I agree. These days marriage doesn't guarantee a person won't be hurt or abused or left but i am trying to lower the chance of running into this trash because they don't want to be married anyway.

@scarletpimpernel195 3 жыл бұрын

We live in a hyper sexual society . Everyday we’re bombarded with messages promoting lust and promiscuity. It’s tough to resist the urges . Self control is key. We can cultivate this within ourselves. Not just because the media promotes a certain lifestyle we have to follow. Get to know people beyond what they look like, find out their financial history , their sexual history. This culture of hook ups is not the way. It actually interferes with our ability to pair bond and have healthy relationships.

@Raindrops4eva 3 жыл бұрын

Sadly, it's true, people follow the media like sheep these days. Hook ups are considered normal these days, when you say you don't want to , you are considered frigged. It's great that the comments are all agreeing on the fact that we need to stop sexualising relationships to a point it's just a physical thing and nothing else. God, that is one thing that sperates us from animals 😐

@cardo92w 3 жыл бұрын

So correct on all accounts

@hearanecho 3 жыл бұрын

Right the other day the tree man just tried to kiss me and I pushed him off me like what the fk? You just go around trying to kiss people I don't need or talk to you beyond trees bro...I just don't know why so many people want to just jump right into sechs it's just weird to me

@abena1919 3 жыл бұрын

Exactly!!

@AkwaIbomDoll 3 жыл бұрын

I agree with everything you said apart from the ‘pair bonding’ part not everyone is spiritual or processes things that way and it’s a highly unscientific approach that encourages harmful behaviours (long term) in the name of ‘self-preservation’

@shayb.2495 3 жыл бұрын

Beautiful and important message. So often the children suffer the most with their pain going unseen and unattended to.

@ADONGO1000 3 жыл бұрын

This is a very good message to both the men and women. Thanks for being bold and sharing

@nompilokhanyile8100 3 жыл бұрын

So I'm african and in most african cultures women are taught to take pride in their virginity and to look for a man who is educated or financially stable. And men are taught to look for a woman who has this kind of values and is submissive and obedient. But I think it's sad that most of the time they don't teach you about picking a partner or their intellect, emotional maturity, spiritual, mental, psychological compatibility. I grew up in a household that was very toxic. Even though my parents are still married to this day, they don't love each other. They're still together for the sacred promise they made and also I think it's because of the shame that comes with divorce. But I honestly believe they're not right for each other. They would fight all the time, I was emotionally neglected. It's something I've just discovered effects even today. My point in all this is don't just look for a partner who looks good on paper. Maybe they might be financially stable and have no kids but really get to know them. Their background, how they interact with others (especially people like waiters etc.) Their mental and emotional maturity. Make sure you love them and they love you. And most importantly their family and what kind of relationship they have with their family!!! If you have to convince yourself that you'll end up loving them anyway. They have money and security it's fine. Don't do it!!!! There's more to compatibility and love than this.

@janisefrost3323 3 жыл бұрын

It's the same for women who don't protect themselves and wind up with children not wanted or cared for by their fathers girls and boys need their fathers.

@checkmate8015 3 жыл бұрын

@prince Rak South African based on the name

@CodeSwag 3 жыл бұрын

@prince Rak what are "real africans"???

@triston9618 3 жыл бұрын

@prince Rak A u serious right now? 🙄🙄🙄🙄What do you mean?

@Man-Dtrading 3 жыл бұрын

@prince Rak who are YOU to say that???

@pazuzuxx 3 жыл бұрын

The entertainment industry music, movies etc are promoting a culture of promiscuity, sexuality, hedonism. Basically the opposite of what this dude preachin

@tiffanyv7174 3 жыл бұрын

Agreed...

@Rarediel 3 жыл бұрын

condoms

@joannpreston2023 3 жыл бұрын

Enjoyed listening to you. Thank you for not using bad language most time some speak truth but because of the foul mouth I personally chose to not listen. Keep up the good work.

@tropicalco2339 3 жыл бұрын

Yep

@shantajules-russell1067 3 жыл бұрын

You're absolutely right. It promotes a totally unrighteous life!

@ugommaokorie1660 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for being vulnerable and transparent about this topic. People really need to hear this, honestly.

@barbr4829 3 жыл бұрын

This is awesome. Not that you are going thru it but that you share it for people to see how life really is.

@ruthharris5110 3 жыл бұрын

Well done to you for posting this. You may want to do a talk in schools, to young men, and in fact women.

@Brenaenae 3 жыл бұрын

Hope this goes viral. 🔥🔥The psychological damage to the kids alone is the reason why I stand by what he’s saying. Being the kid of this very situation SUCKS. I love the fact that he’s owning his mistakes. I didn’t expect my dad to be perfect but at least admitting he was wrong would’ve been enough for me. Imagine what would happen to the childs esteem if he didn’t?!?! Or worse, if he started blaming the child for their mistakes. It’s happened to me and many others. Keep speaking out bro ✊🏼💯

@wabz3162 3 жыл бұрын

Much respect bro. Thank you for the conversation, I know exactly what you're talking about. Thank you for having the courage to talk about it.

@koffeeebrown7221 2 жыл бұрын

This is definitely a topic that more ppl in our community need to understand! Thank you! ♥️

@fsmithh 3 жыл бұрын

AMEN AMEN that exactly why I decided to become celibate. I was raped on my first time ..second time I was being lied to just for them to have sex with me..thirst and last time was my „ex“ who hid his pregnant wife from me that he had been living with which is also the mother of his first son..I got pregnant during that relationship but refused to keep it..cause I knew he couldn’t/wouldn’t take care of us.. I‘m still feeling so guilty and ashamed..and that when I finally understood what God has always been trying to protect us from. „Rape, unwanted pregnancy, STD‘s, having to use plan B, and so on .... Its just so unnecessary we go through all this just for temporary pleasure rather than wait till we mature enough to make wise decisions on who to let touch our sacred body and have kids with...

@beautifulty777 3 жыл бұрын

True until the part that you talk about rape. Rape is not your fault. It's the lack of respect that the individual has for you and your body. Don't even think that you allowed that behavior bc clearly you had a boundary and they crossed it. Thats not your fault. I pray that you can find forgiveness and grace for yourself so that you can heal completely.💕

@beautifulty777 3 жыл бұрын

And it's hard finding the right person. Being decieved and munipulated happens to alot of people before they find the right one and thats of they ever do. Sometimes our heart is deceptive to us too bc we want to help and love that person who does us wrong. Only discernment and prayer will lead you to the right one.

@sloanbanks1932 3 жыл бұрын

@@beautifulty777 Snapple Apple Fact plus fasting

@camiba6773 3 жыл бұрын

I am celibate because of what my mother went through chasing love and having violate men in the house that abuse us and abuse her. It scar me to the point I never want to go through that. It is horrible and I will never want any child to witness the horrific terror of my decision

@historiqueafricaine 3 жыл бұрын

I was also raped my 1st time and ended up with a manipulator pervers months later ou was hard to deal with but it's possible to overcome with counseling and prayers

@antisocialextrovert3008 3 жыл бұрын

I see why my son doesn't want children now. He's 20 and has already made up his mind on it. I see too many marriages failing, mother's and fathers having babies and one leaves, or your situation. I won't ask again about future grandchildren.

@marleyhill34 3 жыл бұрын

He cannot handle children psychologically. My sister is the same. I'm in therapy and hope to go to parenting courses to raise a child with good psychological health. My psychological health was completely ignored by my parents.

@indigoGoddess7 3 жыл бұрын

@@marleyhill34 Children just aren’t for everyone. Not everyone is meant to be a parent just like not everyone is meant to get married, own a house, etc...

@AC-ql5gb 3 жыл бұрын

Thats a healthy perspective at 20. By the time he's 30-35 he'll wake up and realize he's worked hard and become master of his universe. Then he'll want to share that. Keep him focused!!

@vicvic2081 3 жыл бұрын

I commend him, I bet your son is pretty damn smart. But please tell him that we need smart people to have kids

@leesteal4458 3 жыл бұрын

Teach him to wait until he is married to a good woman.

@eunicewashington9705 3 жыл бұрын

Think you for putting the truth out there and I hope the young public is listening

@nicoestelle9397 3 жыл бұрын

Brave and admirable of you to put your experience out here and taking responsibility for it. You're waking a lot of us guy here playing around with thinking of the consequences of our actions. 👍🏽

@kd_479 3 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate this message. I’m a young black women and gave myself up to someone I didn’t plan on being with and it really messed me up In so many ways. Thank God I didn’t get pregnant!!! Made a promise to myself to never do it again until after marriage.

@kynathomas4809 3 жыл бұрын

Yayyy! For you. God bless you hun. We all fall down but must dust ourselves off and get back up again. You can do this. ❤

@qodeshcreative 3 жыл бұрын

Literally went through the same. God is so good. That seed was rejected!

@TinaLove-os7lq 3 жыл бұрын

Single parenthood =POVERTY Having 2 separate households means double the bills instead of one. For example separate households The bills of the other household Rent =$700 Util=$100 Cable +phone $100 So in om1year Loss of $10,800. In 18 years there is a loss of $129,600. Single parenthood households LOSE OUT ON on minimum of $129000. Thus is just the minimum many could be losing out on as much as $200000-400000. This is money that could be used for wealth building. And this is why black people stay impoverished.

@nigeriansista 3 жыл бұрын

Wonderfully explained!

@echanelle5926 3 жыл бұрын

Facts

@5thdimension625 3 жыл бұрын

Having a baby as a single woman before age 20 guarantees (95%) likelihood of permanent poverty. No babies until you get yourself financially settled!!

@ednaaalin 3 жыл бұрын

Say the truth. This is the dynamic in America. These are Liberal/Democrat policies for black people. They told black folks, “if you don’t marry the father of your child, we will take care of you and your children..” Absence of father figure in the home is really killing our families. It’s worse than Racism.

@gracietilert8952 3 жыл бұрын

This is the best video I have ever watched about what it is like to be a Dad who is a Father to his children in a broken relationship. That is a whole nother thing, isn’t it? And it happens so often and nobody talks about it. So thank you for being courageous and talking about it.

@beachluver149 3 жыл бұрын

Every young man needs to hear this thank you for sharing! You learned. If we could all be so wise!

@sha-maisworld7515 3 жыл бұрын

Read the title and it made me think of my momma. She used to say this: Know who your making kids with! We live in a sick world😣

@ellap4235 3 жыл бұрын

I grew up in the 70s. Born to an almost 18 year old child. She kept me, but she shut my dad out. Not having a daddy affected me in ways I don't want to describe and I did things I'll be ashamed of for the rest of my life. I did meet him later and had a semi-relationship with him until he passed a few years ago. From him I have two half sisters, both whom I adore. I love my mother so much and am super close with her (we basically grew up together!), but, oh, what I would have given to have a daddy like you. You, sir, are a good man.

@indiald3373 3 жыл бұрын

Respect