“When you don’t act on what you want, you take yourself out of the game. Buying lottery doesn’t guarantee winning but not buying guarantees losing it”.. sums it all.

the best thing i ever heard "Buying a lottery ticket does not guarantee winning, but not buying one guarantees loosing"

“When you’re motivated by what you want, change is possible.”

Best advise...with one caveat. Learn not to be disappointed when life does not meet your expectations. Readjust and start again. It may take many tries to get it right. So...great advice, over simplified. Thanks.

Yes yes yes. I’ve gone through clinically depressed periods of my life and I agree 1000% with not daring to think of what life could be like. For me, it was not so much that I was scared of doing that, but rather I’d forgotten the ability to imagine positive things. I’d forgotten my ability to feel purely positive emotions that weren’t tinged with some kind of pain. When I realized that and started practicing with tiny steps at imagining beautiful, peaceful, joyous moments, life quickly began to improve.

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go trough hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

People give up because they spent decades trying & doing all of this stuff on how to have a wonderful life full of the things you desire only to have thousands of thousands of unexpected failures. Anticipation & expectations aren't enough. She is leaving many steps & variables out of her talk.

i am so thrilled to see so many speakers on psychology changing their practice to put more focus on the client changing their thinking. so many let you drone on and on about your problems but they have no way to help you stop. i stopped going to therapy and discovered on my own i needed to change the way i think. i thought, well i cn write down my negative thoughts for a day and see what i need to work on. that lasted two hours before i was sobbing my head off because all my thoughts were negative. no wonder i was so sad. but slowly i stopped myself, and now it seems so far away to think like that. i would never go back, though i still find myself doing, i see it quickly and stop myself... habits take dedication to break, but once you get started it feels easy, like riding a bike. it's all a game of mental mastery...mindset. also chemically you change when you stop being negative and your health improves because stress causes illness.

This is powerful. I did this and changed my expectations about something I was selling. A very specialized musical item that I’ve been trying to sell for months and was so worried I’d never sell it. It cost thousands of dollars and last night I changed my expectation that I was going to sell it, and this morning it sold!!! This is so true! Thank you. This will change people’s lives especially those who feel stuck. I’m going to apply this technique to other areas of my life and see what happens :)

Just be happy in the moment and all the rest falls into place: The conscious mind is a tricky one and will never let you be happy, will always keep chasing the next "...Oh, this is what I want..." Just imaging a happy feeling is glowing within you, and life will get easier.

This is truly a fascinating Ted Talk. I have watched it several times now and more importantly implemented Jennice's three questions in my professional and personal life with amazing results.

Summary: expect better outcomes and act on them. you're welcome.

The title says it all. You don't get what you want because you don't expect to get it. I'm so smart. Now let me watch the talk to see if I'm right... Yup, I'm a total genius.

What I'm expecting to feel What I want instead Don't focus on what can go wrong What do I need to do... Thank you so much!!!!!!! ❤️

i want to share an amazing thing that happened while i was just watching this video. When Jennice said Step 1 : Imagine what u want and see how u feel. I imagined standing in a place of my dreams holding my future husband's hand. I felt really good. Within a minute, this guy who i like and imagined messaged me after a gap of few days. I previously had this anxiety that maybe he ghosted me. But the moment i imagined and felt good, there he was ! 😍

I've heard so many inspiring talks but this lady spoke so eloquently and everything she said was totally logical and totally got registered in my twisted and negative brain ! Truly magical presentation.

What she said, was just the tip of the iceberg. It sounded to simple of a solution, but in reality there's a lot more to it...

Less than a minute in and I'm already blown away and am rethinking my life. Wow. Even the title of this video is amazing. Initially I thought the "It's not what you expect" was pure clickbait, but it's actually the answer to the question of why you don't get what you want. Wow!

Surely one of my top 10 on KZfaq. Keep coming back to refresh my memory. Thank you

Brilliant! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Its very true for my life. I usually went by the motto "hope for the best but expect the worst", I am NEVER EVER again going to think that. I will live by "hope for the best and expect even better" from now on.

This is helpful, but only to a point, because there are many times I didn't get what I expected, both positive and negative.

Thank you Dr. Jennice Vilhauer. What an eye opening speach.

Thankyou so very much ! I'm currently dealing with a situation, changed my city, left my comfort zone, working out of the league and questioning every single decision! But this video has changed everything for me. It changed the whole perspective of thinking for me. Now I can only think what I want irrespective of any expectations ( negative ). Thankyou so much

This really made me think about how my expectations are sometimes the opposite from what I want, I need to start reprogramming myself, great talk! ❤️

the way she talks is so calm n relaxing to listen to. i can listen to her for hours.

Best Ted Talk ever on taking the action and how to do it!

This is a MASTERPIECE, a work of art ..no less. Thank you.

Thank you for this!! I love that it's an empowering message with practical tools by taking responsibility for oneself based on training our thoughts and taking action. Much gratitude for this resource!

This has to be one of the most inspiring Ted talks I've watched :)

In the three steps she gives, it's the step 3 that is challenging. That is, seeing a plan to achieve the want. This plan is not a normal feeling process, but a mental thinking process, and plans can be very sophisticated and thus difficult to attain, or in another word, "unprofitable personally", in terms of returns on time, to attain. Eventually, what she is essentially saying is traditional goal setting works. She's also suggesting that with a realistic goal set and a plan set into place, one will feel better. OK, all agreed. But then she suggests this is all one needs to do. Unfortunately, like many healers of all kinds, they come upon one methodology and think it solves 80% of all problems, when it solves only 10%. The example she gives in 4:20 explains this well. She says "buying that lottery ticket doesn't guarantee winning, but not buying guarantees losing." Reality is "buying that lottery ticket doesn't guarantee losing, but not buying decreases losing ."

Thanks for this! Been feeling unmotivated lately after countless rejections. Will definitely try again.

Lazy morning guess I'll listen to this Ted talk . Wow I'm glad I did. Thank you.

This stuff is gold... Thank you...

Great talk. Very interesting and practical. Thanks for the formula "Expectation + Action = Creation of your life experiences".

" You can Choose". Yes I choose my life my dream my passion my desired life. I am a change for me. Yeah I am changing my life with others life. What a sweet and short talk but the impact is deep down to my heart to my guts. Thank you so much

Wow she's put very clearly. The ball is always in our hands, its us who choose what to do with it. Cheers to Jennins Talk. A talk really worth sharing

Thank you so much! I've found the way out of depression thanks to this video

WOW! That was just what I needed right NOW!

When failure came in life, it usually took the past experience define future outcome, i am not quiet sure if I can attain what I want one day, but the only thing i know about is to start to plan , to act, right now. Thanks Jennice for this inspiring speech.

This resonates with me: When I'm problem solving successfully, I often set out with a strong feeling that I can do this, and that there is a way, so I continue to patiently and enthusiastically look for it, and most of the time, a solution presents itself. The strong mindset, comes from a lot of discipline and over coming challenges. Good luck to you all.

One of the best if not the best talk i have ever seen! Thanks Jennice!

Great presentation! Expectations guide all our thoughts, feelings, & actions, which ultimately lead to results/outcome. Expect the best, Do the most, & Have your wish... Be, Do, Have; in that order!

I've read her books as well! Amazing woman! So inspiring!

For many, the biggest obstacle is identifying what they want in the first place! However, this talk is inspirational for those know their goal but can't seem to achieve it.

Powerful message. I just picked up her book!

thanks for good motivate video. Now all i have to do is practice myself to have positive thinking. :)

This is very very good! I just met a woman who has low self-worth issue. She married a man who constantly berated her, disrespected her on regular basis. When I asked her why she married that mean guy she said "because I was so lonely and hated myself at the time. Having someone is better than no one". And she said the same thing as Dr.Vilhauer said in the talk ; she "didn't believe it was possible for her to have a better future, a better life". I didn't know what to say to her really. I just listened to her, that's the only think I could do. Now I have some tools from this talk to help others like her. Thank you so much.

That was very well put. I'm fighting some of those same negative thoughts and depression now and hearing her put it in real terms versus all the positive affirmations suppressing bad thoughts most people tend to spit out does help. Peaceful, calm, and steady voice as well. Thanks :)

Superb. I always wanted to watch TEDx Talks. So I watched this. Thank You Jennice .

One of the best talks I ever heard! Something to put on one's play list and listen to every day

I saw this video in the past and it didn't make a huge impact on me but TODAY, I don't know why but it just did. Great talk Dr. Vilhauer. Thanks

This is one of the most useful, valuable TED talks I have ever watched. As a life coach I use it’s lessons and recommend it all the time. It provides a simple yet scientific way of explaining what could otherwise be seen as woo woo ideas 😀

Her little low-key chuckle _"hmm hm hm hm"_ is totally cracking me up.

Your past doesn't define who You are and where you go but your expectations for the future is what limits you the most. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM WHAT A SHOCKER

what a sweet talk! what a sweet lady!!! such a calm way of speaking...loved it!!!

Thank you, Jennice! This talk helped me ellucidate a lot, it was one of the biggest AHA moments ever! Clear, simple, to the point. Can´t wait to put it in practice!!! Very grateful for this, thanks again.

this is one of the best ted talks I've ever heard - well done!

Soo soothing

Connecting the dots was fun. Ty Dr. Jennice Vilhauer.

She may be on to something, but the first example is not that great. If you play the lottery with the expectation that you will win, the only difference is that you are very disappointed when checking the results. The real difference is the action, not the expectation : you want to win, and you play vs you want to win but you don't play.

She has the cutest impish chuckle. Great talk too!

very concise and clean delivery, she managed to stick to ONE principle from beginning to the end, she never started listing multiple principles such as telling us about "Number 1 = do this, Number 2 = xx, Number 5 = do that"

I’ve gone to church for 7years expecting to make connections. Instead people I saw weekly didn’t recognize me until 6 years in after I brought my service dog. When I give friendship to someone I expect it in return. Instead they leave. I didn’t expect to buy the home of my dreams this summer and we did. I was thrilled! I literally went into it thinking we can’t do this. So I think this is a bunch of malarkey.

I wish it was that simple. Ever hear of that saying that repeating the same thing over & over again, but expecting a different result is the definition of insanity? Well, there needs to be an honest re-evaluation (reality check) in there somewhere.

Buddhism made easy by a young and beautiful psychologist. Thank you so much!!!

It was an eye opener for me. Had tears in my eyes while listening the talk. Excellent work.

I like at 11:15 where she talks about the depressed patient she was working with and how she asked him about where is the light at the end of this tunnel and she only got a blank stare. Many other of her patients also responded with the blank stare because they really didn't think there was light at the end of the tunnel. She started to change the focus of her work, working with clients to shift their expectations so that they could find the light at the end of their tunnel. "When you're motivated by what you want, change is possible". Expectations are a huge part of the change actually occurring --- got to expect to get what you want.

First imagine an upcoming future event. Step 1: How is what I'm expecting making me feel? (if there's positive feeling about it then stop here.) Step 2: What would i like to have happen instead? Step 3: What do i need to do to make what i want happen?

Talk is easy actions are hard, every day I study, everrrry day my mind tells me im an idiot failure and worthless. iv already gotten half way through... passing everything so far and yet my mind haunts me. Well I know why its hard to get what we want because for everything I ever got I fought Extreme fear, or negativity, yes I have gotten what I wanted but each thing has been painfully attained. My mind wont rest its sabotage efforts. I fight hard, im just tired of fighting... im fighting now for my study. Good news though when I do overcome the battle I always am sooooo happy for it. I hope this time is the same

Keep coming back to this one. This one is gold. Thank you Ma'am

I did all in my power to create job opportunities for myself last year. Positive expectations, positive action. Four of my past work opportunities fell apart: I ended up having no work this winter.

What a fantastic presentation. One of the best Ted Talks. Love how she directly hitting the point and science, not speaking 20 mins about herself. :)

These are good recommendations for what we can do personally to maximize the potential for success in what we want. It would be helpful to discuss the factors that are not in our singular control that can prevent us from getting what we may want that are just as real and common as our expectations. Barriers such as people in authority who won't allow human and legal rights to be obtained for certain groups of people, environmental barriers such as war and regional natural disasters that alter opportunities for advancement, life ending or altering medical illnesses such as cancer or debilitating neurological diseases... There are people who use their expectations and goals to work through or overcome these barriers to get a life of what they want for themselves and others (women's right to vote, freedom of religion, freedom for slaves, adaptive living through therapeutic devices), but some did not live to see those life desires move forward or had to adapt their goals to achieve happiness and peace within the broken system or difficult situation. It's important to recognize real barriers and their affects on what we want when raising our expectations to get the life we want. It's not this simple, even though these recommendations can bring us things we want that we may be pushing away or have potential to achieve right in front of us. Perhaps learning the structure or limits of these barriers and systems can help find options within them to find a life that is more adjusted to your desires and goals for a life you want as you raise your expectations of what is possible.

I wish I could add more likes!! Superb! Motivational! Life changing! Thank you so much! All so true!!!

Always remember that your past is your present that will take you into the future, and hope is the possibility that vision then becomes part of that reality - Thank you Jennice for the revelations

What if you were expecting something with all of your soul only to end up disappointed? Seems to happen to me all the time..

Most amazing, shaping Talk I have seen on TEDx recently!!

Absolutely powerful!! thanking you for sharing

i love this session so much, i m now so much motivated then ever, it has now changed my perception of future, i think i m feeling morr happier then ever, i will have lot of good expectation n will take action to accomplish it!!! thank you honestly for letting me know about this, great Secret revealed to me!!! i m humbled to know!! i m lucky for this !!! Amin

This talk is gold.

This talk is not rally new to me, but It's remind me something I forgot !!

Simply brilliant motivational speech! Excellent examples cited! Very vivid!

Excellent & Eye Opening Speech!! She Nailed it💛

The bottom line is: believe in the thing you want, so when it arrives you will be ready to catch it, otherwise it will slip over...story of my life basically but its ok

Succinct and Powerful. Thank you for a life changing experience.

Went on a few online dates earlier in the year (for the first time ever) my only desire was to simply learn about them. That was my only expectation of them. I had some of the best dates I’ve ever had. There was no expecting outside of learning about them so I wasn’t afraid of sharing things and being authentic. With expectations comes anxiety and disappointments.

Inspiring and helpful. Thanks Dr. Jennice Vilhauer!

The universe brought me here. Thank you

Notes: -You act on expectations, not desires -Expectation and action shape your outcomes -Action makes you participates in outcomes (self-fulfilling) -Aware of expectations to take better actions -Gap of expectation and desires creates stress -Change expectation to match with desires will promote action Questions to ask oneself for upcoming events: 1 How is what I am expecting making me feel? -stress, anxiety indicates negative expectation 2 What would I like to have happen instead? -typically different from your expectations 3 What do I need to do to make what I want happen? -planning brings better expectation, and therefore action

I believe this is probably the best tedx talks i have seen so far! it was worth every minute.

Right on Spot talk! Thanks Jennice for the amazing insight.

The problem is that "Step 3 - What do I need to do to make it happen?" is NOT such a simple matter, since most people know exactly that they don't know what to do, and don't even know how to get information on how to do whatever. Yes, of course, buying a lottery ticket is a simple thing, that does not really require effort, thought, or much money. But your expectancy of not winning is actually very correct, and the only reason people do not "fail" while buying lottery tickets is precisely what I just mentioned, of the action being simple and not having bad consequences. Now, in more realistic situations, what you want does often require a lot of effort, many times a lot of knowledge and/or a lot of money. And quite often it does require other people. So the chances of you losing a lot of money, a lot of time, being fooled, scammed, backstabbed, etc. are pretty considerable. And many times dire outcomes such as being sued, being arrested, or being physically hurt or killed, are REAL possibilities. So yeah, this is cute and all to silly things such as taking up a new hobby or focusing on improving your health by eating less junkfood and losing weight, but the real world is still a threatening place.

beautiful, beautiful talk.

This is so good, I want to learn it, use it, and teach it to others. Thank you.

Bravo. This talk about changing expectations will have a great effect towards the way we all look at every situation.

This has to be one of the smartest talks I've ever heard, ironically I'm only at 7:20 and somehow I know I'm going to be disappointed at 13:13, go figure.

she means that expectations will mostly come true because those are accompanied with your most productive resourceful persistent approach. keen desire + solid belief = pure expectations = best performance = LUCK

Kudos to you, Jennice. I enjoy many Tedx talks, and yours may have exceeded my expectation! (smile)

Excellent. Thank you so much for sharing these very powerful ideas with us.

absolutely the best and most impactful Tedx till date!