That’s absolutely beautiful that you’re able to feel pride in who you are. It can be so hard to feel good about being trans in a society that makes it so hard to just exist. I’m so happy you’re able to feel that comforting resonance with yourself. 💛

It always warms my heart to hear from people who transitioned later in life. It just goes to show that transition can be different for everyone. So glad you’ve been able to go on this journey and I hope it’s treating you well! 💛

Your comment made me tear up; I totally understand that shame you’re feeling, and sometimes it can feel like a pit of despair. It can take over you and make every little thing feel like climbing a mountain. And when you mentioned feeling shameful about feeling shame-that hit home with me too. It can be so difficult to stay centered and grounded when you’re dealing with so many negative a motions, and of course healing is never a straight line up. It’s messy and wobbly and unpredictable. But I’m so glad my videos have been able to help you. And in case you need to hear it-you are exactly where you need to be and are doing great! I know I don’t personally know what it’s like to start transitioning later in life (although I will say I do wish I would’ve started sooner, but I also know I wasn’t emotionally ready to start it until I did), but it’s never too late to be yourself. You deserve to feel free and proud. Best of luck with HRT, and with working through the internalized things that often come with being trans. You’re not alone 💛💛💛

Charli everyone’s 5:43 journey is different. Your path is going to be different than mine or Bryn but we are here for you. I’m non-binary and couldn’t transition female but it didn’t feel right. I knew SRS was for me but I couldn’t or didn’t know non-binary was a thing I got my SRS after Bryn and I’m thrilled. Take your time and do it on your terms. You will not be homeless. I am on female hormones right now even though I won’t be transitioning. I’m so happy and you can be too. ❤

Sorry for the super late reply, I don’t get on here much anymore. I totally understand. Womanhood/femininity is so tied to attracting/being attracted to men that it can be hard to figure things out when that’s not you. You’re 100% valid as a lesbian, and being attracted to femininity and/or women doesn’t diminish your gender at all. Tons of women are gay/sapphic, cis and trans alike. Much love 💛

Sorry for the late reply. I hope you’re able to work through your internalized transphobia, I know how hard that can be. I still struggle with the things I was taught growing up, especially being raised Christian. I’ve found that vocalizing my feelings and allowing myself to feel them is very helpful, even if it feels like a step in the wrong direction. And once I allow myself to really feel them (even the really hard feelings) I’m able to actually process the feelings instead of just burying them under logic. Reading your question of if I ever restrict my own femininity, it made me smile. Because that’s something I’ve been working through the last two years or so, but especially the last few months. I wouldn’t say I’ve been restricting it in the sense of “I want to be more feminine but I’m afraid to,” but more that internally I had a difficult time connecting to it, because I was waiting for permission from my body (aka having bottom surgery). Because expressing femininity prior to bottom surgery felt dysphoric. It would make me hyper fixate on my genitals and I would feel a lot of frustration. But I’ve really been working on allowing my femininity to flow, in the ways that I choose (I’ll never be traditionally feminine). And also coming to terms with being a lesbian has allowed me to feel more secure in my femininity. With so many external aspects of femininity being tied to the patriarchy (and straightness), reclaiming it in a way that feels right for me is very liberating and grounding as well. I hope you’re able to work through your childhood triggers and internalized beliefs. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it. Much love 💛

@@brynavery I'm so happy for you-- congratulations friend💓 I'm doing my best and sometimes it even feels like I'm improving

Hi Layla. Repressing one's true self and identity is pure poison, for whatever reason. I was repressed because of parents and religion and it truly messed up my life. Only admitting in the last year or so that I'm gay, and separating myself from all organized religion, do I feel like I'm just now beginning to live my life as me. Still dealing with issues from the past, having good and bad days, but overall, it's better. I'm 58 by the way. 😁

Glad you enjoyed the video! And omg yeah reading that book was such an eye opening experience, even if it also came with a lot of anxiety and panic. I’m really glad I read it, because it helped me match some of my intellectual logic with my emotional side, which helped me to let go of some of the “emotional” beliefs I held that weren’t healthy

Glad my openness can help you be more compassionate to yourself. It can be hard to not have all the answers, especially with pressure from the outside world telling you that you must have everything figured out. Much love 💛

@@brynavery how can you be a "trans/non-binary" at the same time... god i am getting really sick of this back n forth and we have "72 genders" aaaaahahahaha SHOW ME THE 3RD biological gender ill wait

So happy to hear that 💛

Lol it’s my brother’s!

I’m really glad my video was able to help. I wish more people talked about internalized transphobia! I may be coming out with another video on this subject soon (hopefully) 💛

@brynavery Yeah, it was great, keep them coming! Realized/Admitted recently that the biggest hurdle in my transition was my own internalized transphobia. A light bulb moment for sure. #denial 💜🏳️‍⚧️🇨🇦

Yay!! 💛

Omg that brought a smile to my face. Thank you so much, and I’m so glad my videos have been able to bring you so much comfort 💛💛💛

Seriously. I got recommended this video randomly and it's so refreshing hearing someone discuss this vs fighting bigots only.@@brynavery

Glad my video was able to help! The world is not black and white, but full of gray areas and color. Best of luck 💛

Thank you 💛

Yay, I’m glad my video was helpful for you! And best of luck with surgery! 💛

Best wishes for your surgery. I know it's going to go wonderfully. 🤗❤

@@charli8815 Thanks! ❤

💛💛💛

Glad I can help 💛

Aw thank you! Honestly I just go wherever it’s quietest and the lighting is the best 😅

I’m so glad to hear that 💛

Glad you enjoyed the video! And I’m glad the book was helpful for you 💛 what was the book if you don’t mind me asking? I may want to read it

@@brynavery It was Embodied by Preston Sprinkle.

@@harmony9341 thank you!

Lol honestly I probably would read the last third except I had to throw away almost all of my belongings due to my landlord letting mold grow in my apartment and the mold spores ruined everything 🙃 gotta love landlords. But yeah I’ve thought about buying the book and finishing it but I don’t want to give the author or publishing company any money. We love a gray area! I never understood people who live and back and white. It feels super disingenuous. That’s a totally understandable fear. I’m sorry you don’t feel like you’re able to confide in your wife. I know that can feel isolating. Wishing you the best 💛 As far as other surgeries-I don’t think I could get any sort of body sculpting (including a BBL) because I have trouble with gaining weight and I remember when Stef Sanjati (she used to be a really popular trans KZfaqr) she had to put on like 60 pounds or something to have the surgery (they basically transferred fat from one area of her body to another?) if I was to get any more surgeries, the only ones I would want would be brow ridge reduction/smoothening (my side profile is a bit prominent) and forehead reduction/lowering & rounding out my hairline. Overall tho I feel “ok” with those things. They definitely cause some Dysphoria, but it’s not horrible. I’m not sure if I’d wanna go through facial surgery, I’d have to think more about it

Yeah definitely. It can be a lot to work through. Much love 💛

Thank you!!

So for me personally, I did feel a lot different as a trans woman vs non binary, but a lot of it came from the fact that when I was out as a trans woman, I felt the need to perform traditional femininity, which is not something that aligned with me very much at all. So me figuring out I was non binary was also me exploring androgyny. Had I felt secure and validated being a trans woman who was also androgynous, I may have had a much better experience with being out as a trans woman (honestly now that I’m comfortable in my body and presentation, there are ways that I do connect with womanhood, but it’s intertwined with my non binary-ness which is why I ultimately use the term non binary. I won’t get into all of that rn though lol.) As far as society accepting me.. I’m not quite sure. When I was out as a trans woman I wasn’t on HRT (until the last few months until I realized I was non binary), so I’d get gendered as male a fair amount. But I’ve almost never had issues with friends or even coworkers accepting me and using my name & pronouns. In fact I got promoted at two different jobs as a trans person. I think being a trans woman was something that people could grasp easier, where as being out as non binary usually comes with some more questions. But other than a portion of my family, most people have been pretty receptive. I think my experience is that people (for the most part) have genuinely wanted to be respectful and have accepted me to the extent that they know how. But I know that’s not the case for a lot of people, so I’m not sure what society in general is like, because I’ve happened to have fortunate experiences with society, and have lived in pretty gay & trans-friendly areas. I do believe tho that we will eventually get to a place in society where non binary people are gendered correctly, yes. I’ve been in two jobs where in my interview they’ve asked for my pronouns. And where I work now (I work in the beauty industry), we have our pronouns and name tags at our stations. I have two friends who work for UPMC (a well known healthcare company in Pennsylvania) and they have their pronouns in their emails. In terms of instinctually gendering non binary people correctly (aka strangers referring to me as “they”) it definitely has happened, but I mostly get gendered as “she.” I got called he like a week ago but other than that I can’t remember the last time a stranger called me “he.”) I know that not all areas & environments are as supportive as mine. And I know Republicans are going crazy trying to take away our rights. I know how scary it feels, and this isn’t to take away from that, but on the positive side of things, the reason conservatives are fighting us is *because* we have a voice, we have a face, we have stories being shared, we have a presence in society. Our community is thriving more than we ever have, and it feels threatening to them. That doesn’t take away the damage they’re causing but it does serve as a reminder that society is changing. And it’s going to be an uphill battle, but we will make it through, and society will shift (and already is shifting) to be more inclusive of different identities. I know it’s hard but we will get there 💛

@@brynavery I thought I was transman for a while, and I feel like I'm having a similar experience as you only coming from the other direction where I thought I was male but then realized that I didnt fit any social stereotypes either. I appreciate your perspective thanks :)

I’m glad my experience has been helpful for you, and I’m glad you’re able to figure out who you are and what makes you most comfortable 💛

I’m glad you’ve been able to work through that shame, that can be such a difficult process. And I’m glad you’ve been able to find peace in your religion, I know that can be incredibly healing 💛

That’s ok. There’s really no way to prove that there is or isn’t a god, so it’s just about personal belief. There’s a book I’ve read (not the whole thing but partially) called “leaving the fold” (I can’t remember the authors name). From what I’ve read so far I’ve really liked it. It analyzes religion (mostly Christianity) and the kind of affects (both good and bad) that it can have on people. I really liked reading it because it took the personal bias out of it and kind of helped me to observe the effects without feeling so weighed down. I’d definitely recommend reading that if you’re struggling with internalized shame stemming from religion.

@@brynavery im a non confessional christian and im 110% sure that jesus still loves me like he always did, even if im bigender Adrogyne. he knew that before me and still loved me. I hate people using religion to give their phobias valitity god knows us best

​@@Vinni-2K similarly, I was a biologist (working in research for a couple decades) and i really hate it when people try to use biology to justify their bigotry ... when in reality it doesn't (quite the opposite)

@@jimiwills truee