I love how Dr K puts everything into a modern context. “And Krishna said to Arjun… Hey bro, eat a salad.” 😂

6:19 "The problem is in our society today, we are also goal focused and outcome focused that we just think about doing the right thing, we don't think about avoiding the wrong thing." Perfectly said in my opinion

The less I think (worry) about myself in any given situation, I find I become more open and curious about new experiences and people. If you spend all your time worrying about yourself, you have very little time to go outward and live your life.

Becoming a Resistor will make you a healthy Transistor ⭐️

I had a phase when I was 25 and crippled by social anxiety, decided to completely ignore the negative voice in my head and just do the activities I liked or wanted. Got into volunteering, met new people, went to more parties in 3 months than I went in my entire life at that point, learned that people liked me, and nearly got a girlfriend. Then I had to stop because I was constantly bombarded by my family for being selfish, threatened by my parents to be thrown out of the apartment they let me stay in at that time because I wasn't dedicating my time helping them do chores at home, and generally being gaslighted into feeling responsible for their misery. So now that I am 32, have a job, good wage, am single and depressed, my mom finally said she is proud of me for the first time ever. So I guess... life is ok?!

Picking the item on the menu that isn't your number 1 choice is actually very smart, because not only do you stop yourself from being ok with not having exactly what you want, you might find out new things you like.

My manager was talking about how servers should come in with a super attitude during my training. I just told her that whenever I go into work thinking that I’m gonna have a miserable day and that’s okay, Those are usually my best days. I have a pretty shitty job but I love getting to see people regularly and make friends there so I’m happy going there. It all started with just letting myself be miserable and being okay with all the horrible emotions that the food industry has brought me in the past. But those bad emotions would happen in any endeavor in life so it’s okay

The thing is I used to ignore myself too much. From being raised with Christian ideals and my best friend at the time being the pastor's daughter, there was a LOT of pressure to do the right thing. I think my friend actually thought being perfect was possible, too. Anyways, while she seemed to embody the 'you are a child of God and He loves you," I focused a lot more on "Love thy neighbour," and "helping people is it's own reward." While this was fine for a while, I started to get very depressed in junior high. I realize now it's because no matter how hard I was working to do well by others, no one ever did the same for me. Not even my 'best friend'. I was always told the story of the two wolves within us that are constantly fighting. The white wolf symbolizes kindness, patience, and other positive attributes. The black wolf represends hatred, greed, and other negative attributes. The moral of the story is the one that wins is the one you feed. It took me until after I was finished college to realize that the black wolf is still a part of you, and not feeding it is starving a part of yourself. The black wolf wanted us to be happy. It wanted to protect us. It wanted us to feel like we our desires are worth fighting for and that we were just as worthy of the good things in the world as everyone else. I like to say at this point I grew horns. Both because I feel like I grew 'less holy' from it and I got much better at butting heads with people. I'd never start a fight I didn't think I couldn't win (verbally, not physically), but if someone said or did something I percieved as being wrong, I'd be much more likely to say something about it. I remember working at a Tim Horton's and a manager chastised me as he was walking away. At first I restrained myself and didn't respond, but I could almost feel the clawed hand on my shoulder. "Are you really going to let him get away with that? That was totally uncalled for, especially in the middle of a shift. You always want to protect others, but how can you do that if you can't even defend yourself?' It didn't exactly end well, but not saying anything would've left me feeling more miserable and helpless, so I don't regret my actions. I've become a lot more confident and where I can't say I love myself, I am proud of who I've become. TL;DR-Resisting temptation is fine, but remember that you deserve to be happy

As someone who practices archery, I found myself practicing fixed point gazing without even realizing I'm doing it. I focus my eyes on my target, and I direct my attention also towards how my hands are stabilized, and the release of my motion. After doing archery for some time, I found my mental health improved a lot. I would highly encourage people to also take up archery practice for mental health benefits

I've gone through this phase before, and I'm still learning along the way. Nobody here is ever perfect in any way, and that's the mere beauty of our own existence.

One of my favorite meditations for practicing resisting urges is something Dr. K has talked about before, though I can't remember where. It's where you sit completely still with your eyes closed for 5 minutes, not allowed to move a single muscle. The whole time you're feeling these impulses rise up inside you, like shifting if you're uncomfortable or scratching an itch or swallowing, but you can't let them escape. It's super intense, and by the end you feel tangibly relieved that you can move again. I don't do it that often, just because of how intense it is (I usually try to go for 20 or 30 min), but I highly recommend you try it out for 5 or 10 minutes if you want a simple way to practice this.

on day 4 of my sobriety journey, really needed this vid. thank you dr. k

I recently discovered this can be applied to procrastination on chores. I found it a lot easier to do the chore then and there by thinking through the consequences of doing things now vs later. This technique cannot be understated!

Summary: Have you ever found yourself stuck in a difficult situation in life, decide to change for a few days but then fall right back into your old ways? One thing that the stoics and yogis found out was the importance of not listening to yourself. Part 1: Arjun & Krishna There's a guy named Arjun, he's fighting in a civil war. His family's been separated by this war, on both sides opposing each other are his cousins, friends, and mentors, some of whom he loves and respects. He despairs and says "I don't want to kill them." Krishna is his friend, says this: "If you run, the problem will only get worse because your cousins are assholes and want to take your land. You have to learn how to resist despairing." Part 2: Following Your Emotions The suffering you have in life is because you follow your negative emotions instead of ignoring them and letting them pass. Any kind of emotions that you let control you will lead to suffering. There are two steps for progress in this regard: avoiding the wrong thing AND doing the right thing. You must "play the tape through to the end" whenever you relapse into an unwanted habit. Part 2.5: The Timeline of Your Desires I feel like I wasted the day. Why? Well: I have a bad interaction with someone online -> I'm not sure how to process the interaction -> I go to my phone/video games/etc. to forget about the interaction -> all of a sudden, 3.5 hours of my day is gone, I feel guilty about wasting the day AND the bad online interaction -> vicious cycle repeat.exe Part 3: How to Resist Impulses The more non-reactionary you can be, the easier life will be for you. You can build up this function (impulse control) through a series of practices: Meditation (resisting the impulse to move) Fixed Point Gazing (staring at a candle without blinking) Pick #2/#3 at restaurants, not #1. Resist impulses to eat your favorite food

The problem is people usually DON'T have an incentive to ignore their impulses. Because feeding the impulse is usually better than whatever is going on in that person's life. It's a competition. And for some ppl, life often ends up disappointing.

one important thing i learned recently: assume there's nothing in reality or in your internal experience that objectively points that you SHOULD do one thing or another, and every thought, feeling or desire are constructs of the mind that are used to fulfill a goal, and goals should have practical value for you as a human, so pay attention to what values or goals your actions and thoughts serve (even if you didn't consciously decide them), reflect in how that practically affects reality and why it matters, and if it doesn't practically matter, remember that there is absolutely no reason to keep trusting the thoughts that fulfill those bad goals or even engage with them (no thought has inherent value). just view them as things that appear in your mind and focus on thoughts and actions that align with better values and goals. your intuition will keep surfacing unhelpful thoughts and strong emotions for a while, so learn to deal with them with peace.

Great timing, really shows how refined the tools for hgg being intune with its community needs are as always see comments like this. Well done and very validating to know others struggle with this too

This week I have been learning this lesson the hard way. I really appreciate the timing of this video to help me distill the lesson into something that is easier to understand.

Thank you Dr. K for the information you provide. I can say for sure the information you put out and practices have changed me forever in a positive way.

I’ve ignored myself most my life, I had very bad impulse control. The key for myself to stop the impulse is to acknowledge my feelings and don’t resist (what you resist will persist) to just sit with the feelings and acknowledge how they feel in my body. The the magical thing happens is that they just disappear. I’ve learnt that feelings aren’t as scary and hurtful as I thought they were. The hurting was coming from ignoring my own desires, impulses. After sitting with the feeling I can then talk with myself and ask why I want something and is that going to serve my body, mind or soul. Then by eating the cake mindfully I can actually witness in myself that it wasn’t the cake I wanted after all it was the feeling of comfort. Then next time I want cake I can comfort myself in a more healthy way.

Thank you so much. I was just thinking "mind over matter, mind over matter" regarding some of my urges. Such good timing.

I am actually pretty good to ignore impulse to do things. My problem is with impulses to not do things. I struggle to maintain sport habits, since doing it demands a lot more efforts than not doing it.

This is exactly what I needed. I appreciate all of your videos!

And now the video about doing the things that you have to do!!!! This is a MUST after this brilliant video about ignoring/resisting impulses (What you want/desires).

I have near 0 impulse control, telling myself no actually feels overwhelming and extremely upset in the moment.1 weird tip I use is telling myself "yes I'm going to (insert behaviour)" , then use my physical body to do something else "on the sly". It's been extremely helpful, hopefully that'll help somebody!

needed this like you have no idea. genuinely

this channel is probably the best one ive found on topics like these, these are very important things to cultivate it has made a huge difference in my life!

Thank you for bringing clarity. I did some of the things that you mentioned in this video before, but I thought they were bad. Now thanks to you I have a different approach to them.

Something I do from time to time whenever I’m microwaving something is I make a conscious effort to sit still without pulling out my phone or something while microwaving my lunch. I feel like it has helped me

To be able to teach such a valuable lesson such as self-restraint to your children in the most gentle manner is highly commendable. I was really awe-struck at that portion of the video. A parent who has the intelligence to understand that force is not needed for such lessons, and actively tries to positively influence their children must make such an immense impact on their lives.

Great! The last example about the restaurant really helped me understand the difference between resisting the temptations and forcing myself to do something I am not inclined to.

This really helps so much. I never thought my eczema growing up would've had such a large effect on me growing up. But I always gave in and itched the rash every chance I got, and it really shows in my impulse control now.

I've been telling people this ever since I overcame some really hard years. I say to them love the pain, learn from the pain, and also learn to avoid creating unnecessary pain. Also, having come out of so much pain, I say every day is the best day of my life, because even pain is better than nothing at all. My best friend recently told me he thinks of me as a monk, and my friends enjoy being around me, so I know I'm on the right track 😄

There are a lot of things I try to keep tabs on in my mind, but I get the feeling this one specifically might domino into helping me grapple with many reactionary emotions I experience on a daily basis, which inevitable end with me engaging in the same undesired behaviors. Another incredibly helpful video! Also if i may, you should increase the contrast a tiny bit on your footage, it looks sliiightly washed out

Super insightful! Thank you for all that you do!

I didn't know that as simple as "ignoring yourself" can be really effective for conquering addictions and it's something that I needed for years. Thank you dr. K ❤

I love stoicism. But I think when teaching this approach to people we should also consider the pitfalls as well, as it can be misinterpreted and taken too far very easily. Our culture is already encouraging self-sacrifice and ignoring our needs for the sake of providing for ourselves. I see enough people being worked to death every day, desperately clinging to stoic ideals to keep destroying their own health and even rationalising this self-abandonement as an integral, unavoidable part of life. It's heartbreaking. I've been damaged by this mindset as well, through pressure of toxic environment, where nothing I did was ever enough and I wasn't allowed to be tired or quit things that were harming me. I never learned when to say no and prioritize myself, and spent most of my youth being in crisis as a result. And even then I was constantly told I wasn't "stoic enough". I think when starting this conversation, we should start with proper self-care and boundaries first. That said, stoicism has it's time and place. But it's certainly not an answer to every problem.

I want to warn many of you to not swing the pendulum too far so to speak: I did this through my own study and conclusion my first year of college. It worked really well, and as someone deprived of socialization until then I practically got high on being around people (typical extrovert lmao) but after the first year, who I was became threatened because it was nearly a year since I even gave a thought about who I was, and rn am still struggling with progress on rebuilding my sense of identity and reconciling things from the past with family and friends. So the tip I have is to not silence the inner voice, but learn to let it go in one ear and out the other. Its like zoning out and looking at your phone in a boring convo vs. shutting them up.

Love this. Love that someone brings to the forefront the fact that RESISTANCE is overlooked while action is glorified. Since you mentioned the Stoics there is a quote here that is very relevant from Epictetus (one of the three main sources of Stoicism as we know it, and the most philosophical one). Here Epictetus outlines his whole philosophy and Stoicism itself into three words: Resist and Persist. Speaking directly to what Dr. K is saying. According to Favorinus, Epictetus would also say that there were two vices much blacker and more serious than the rest: lack of persistence and lack of self-control. The former means we cannot bear or endure hardships that we have to endure, the latter means that we cannot resist pleasures or other things we ought to resist. ‘Two words,’ he says, ‘should be committed to memory and obeyed by alternately exhorting and restraining ourselves, words that will ensure we lead a mainly blameless and untroubled life.’ These two words, he used to say, were ‘persist and resist’.

Something I learnt by myself by experience and pain, thank you for the reminder man. I blocked all shit that that my phone had, games, reels on instagram, porn. Blocked all I had on my computer and simply work in myself, study, workout, and go out with friends until I get healthy. It's hard incially but feels good. Stoicism is just peak tier emocional management, it should exist and be learnt at school! Meditation and reading(kindle or book) also peak tier

Yes, this! Also it would be great to follow this up with the opposite; how to stop ignoring yourself (paying attention to what your body is saying)

Wait…I just learned how to start listening to myself.

Thank you, Dr K. I find this very helpful and I'll try to implement it.

those last 5 or 6 videos feel like they were made with me in mind and im so grateful for that

Something I've noticed in at least some of us who've stopped bad habits, is that we develop almost this fear of things that make us feel good. I guess my problem is the opposite of what you're describing, because I was so fixated on stopping eating too much sugar/carbs, but assumed that I'd magically figure out what I wanted to do with the time and health that freed up.

On the bridezilla thing, i wonfer if there's a correlation between wanting the "perfect wedding" and some underlying/subconscious dissatisfaction with the relationship that leads to the early divorce. Maybe they're trying to craft a really memorable and picture perfect wedding to overshadow and block out the unhappiness inside, tricking themselves into remembering it fondly instead of as something they regret

You are truly something special. Great tips and great explanation to niche topics. Thank you.

That speech helped me to understand that I am already able to resist some of my impulses, and also how I am doing it. Thanks Dr K

Hey dr K! Thank you and your team for the effort, wisdom and knowledge you bring bring! It would be fantastic if you share some more tips and tricks on parenting and those gamified exercises you play with your kids! ❤ 10:16

Great advice. I will say though, when I was in treatment and recovery, they emphasized actually replacing some bad impulses with good ones instead of just ignoring them completely 100% of the time. Helped me

THIS! I needed exactly this, right now. I've been listening to that chattering monkey, ignoring a lesson I learned decades ago: "Despair is a lie", since my best pal/neighbor left the planet a few months ago. I'll be coming back to this lesson often in the next couple of months, as I move toward making my current situation a dim memory. Thank, Dr K.

I hope someday you make a video about limerance and how to overcome it. Thanks for your great content Dr.

its hard with BPD, doing nothing means feeling like shit from not distracting myself.

thank you for teaching this skill set, really helps!!

You are quite literally the best thing that has ever happened to me

Something I always tell the people I'm trying to help: The first step to getting better is to stop getting worse

I was rehearsing lyrics at 150% speed and when I clicked on this video I thought Dr. K was going insane

Thank you. I have OCD and this is incredibly helpful to me.

Splendid stuff. Learned a lot. Thanks, Dr K.

So I thought I have a pretty strong will, I was able to stop smoking (just had 9 year anniversary), snap out of the Diablo addiction, change career mid-life, save money etc. But this is another level 🤩

A few years ago I just could not stop eating fast food and especially bags of chips with lots of sugary sodas. Instead of directly forbidding myself from craving I have developed a mechanism where I tell myself "nah I dont really feel like that now" to ignore the crave. It does not always work and sometimes I just give in - the key is not strictly forbidding yourself something but to presuade yourself you really don't want to at this time.

Im working on myself to quit psychological addiction to some bad things. This video is priseless for me rn, im getting all the info i can to understand how to control incrediby strong desire to doing something i shouldnt. When i'll solve my problems, i'll donate to Dr K, im sure hes helping a lot of people, how to understand yourself and how to resolute internal conflicts

Always on time ,Thank you

An odd thing I started doing is I've started to let mosquitoes bite me, sometimes. I started doing it because I didn't like that I was killing something for no reason other than it annoyed me, but I kept doing it because it's really fascinating to feel a very strong impulse to swat it, but then do nothing about it. And then I would have a mosquito bite and I would have to continue to resist the impulse to scratch it. It's pretty interesting. Don't try it if you're really allergic to their bites, though. Or if you're in an area where they carry disease often.

Krishna and Arjun is now like a bedtime story for me :-) It's not lost on me that all Arjun's family, teachers, and friends are on the other side. It's the battle of losing what you thought was your identity.

Love that story. One of my favorite parts of the Bhagavad Gita. When the armies are lined up in either side of the battle field, conch shells sounding... Hooooo! Powerful stuff

I think there has never been a video, or perhaps even shared information in general, that has had the impact this video has had on my life so far. I guess I really needed to know about this concept. It makes doing the right thing feel even more fulfilling

I find this too simplistic. Ignoring ourselves is also how we neglect ourselves, it's how we stay in unfulfilling or even dangerous relationships. I feel like Dr. K even caught this himself when he talked about "I'm so lonely" and how listening to that emotion keeps the thoughts in your head when you go to a party. Listening to the emotion is what takes you to the party. Emotions aren't to be ignored, it's about discernment. Otherwise "I'm lonely, and I'll do nothing about it." "I'm in pain, but I'll ignore the pain."

The more I watch you the more I see the broken parts of myself. The amount of things wrong scares me. On the plus side I'm on the path of fixing what I can

Excellent video doc. I love seeing the intriguing spins you put on each topic of your content. I understand your message of impulse control, and I may just be leaning into the semantics here, because I would have thought that acknowledging one's feelings and owning one's emotions is a skill of much importance... Perhaps just a nuance in the message.

This is already helping me, you have new subscriber!

Love the gita knowledge drop. Ive been reading the Mahabharat for a while now and its such a complex, entertaining and profound book. Its like a deep dive into brilliant minds of the past and their wonderful knowledge.

Respond instead of React. Give yourself the time to intellectually respond to a situation, instead of immediately reacting emotionally. We were trained since infancy, throughout school and life to react. It takes alot of discipline and mental work to change the bad habit of reaction and retrain our brains, to think it out, in order to get the results we desire.

Dr. k your videos really helped my personal development in just 5 months time my progress is astounding. I was just wondering if you have a video about how to stand up for yourself

Thank you for putting this up.

Focused point meditation (as well as the "look at a wall for 30 minutes") is impossible for me, as I get so bored I start falling asleep. I do not get distracted, but I can feel my eyes closing, and I cannot combat it.

When I was highly and actively suicidal, being able to do nothing was a battle won. I think that helped me put into perspective that resisting dangerous or "wrong" choices is in itself hard and valuable.

Interesting concept - thank you for the video!

I'm just here to say thank you Dr. K for giving me so much to think about.

this is not just "resisting the impulse" but rewiring the rewarding system with the mystery outcome that is unusual or unknown 🧠 such eye opening approach! I see how this will be constructive in so many ways, thank you!

But the question then is, what do you do? Like if you're supposed to not go after your desires and stuff, what do you do. The reason why I "should" eat the salad over the burger is just another concept and idea or not? Or with video games when do I allow myself to play them and when should I resist?

loved every second of this!

Thank you for this, BTW. I have been studying Peaceful War via the Hawaiin Oratory Battle Styles. I needed this /immensely/.

Me - on painkillers, because there is no other way to get rid of pain that prevents me from work. Doc: "Ignore yourself!" Me: 👀

I’m completely done with psychiatry as a field.

Thanks for making videos related to mental health!

Another discussion in which you convey the main idea with ease and understanding. You are a conduit of wisdom my friend. Respect. I forgot your name but i know you often refer to yourself using it, meh... too busy concentrating on your ideas ❤

In my opinion "ignoring yourself" is poorly phrased. I mean, are we supposed to ignore *any* impulse? Is it assumed we only have stupid desires and impulses? It seems like we are rather talking only about *poor* impulses, that lead to bad results, and that should be ignored. It's just that's not really mentioned in this video.

My nama jeff

Genius video. Absolutely genius. This might actually be the greatest self improvement video on KZfaq.

Thanks a lot, very hitting topic to me.

Dr K is literally saving my whole generation

Self as context and cognitive diffusion helps this process. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has Really helped me

Thank you for these high quality videos

Trataka is where it’s at. I’ve noticed its so much easier for me to meditate if I do a Trataka meditation first. It feels like it clicks my brain into the right mode. Thx Dr K for teaching us about it!

Your videos really make me see the world in a hopeful light Dr. K

I literally came to the same insight 2days ago 😳 so good to see dr K do a video on it

Thanks man. Really helpful. If I don't forget I'll update this comment in a year to see how the progress has been.

best short summary of Bhagavad Gita put into modern life perspective

Hi Dr., the chances of you seeing this are low but I just wanted to communicate that this advice changed my life. I’ve suffered from extreme depression for the past decade, and nothing I’ve tried (therapy, meds or otherwise) has helped. Once I started “ignoring myself”, and sticking to what I wanted to do, it became easier and easier. Thank you for changing my life.