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My soul left my body when Tanner said “what to expect when you’re expecting damnation”. I need that on a poster or shirt somewhere!

I wish this channel was more popular because it truly deserves more attention

In Utah, there are some meet-up groups of ex-mormons, kind of like support groups. I went and it was surprising how varied everyone's beliefs are. You can believe whatever you want, take pieces from here and there, and make your own ideology. Wherever you are is ok and valid

i’d love to hear you guys talk more about how to navigate telling close friends and family members about your decision to leave the church! i feel like for me personally i’ve made peace with the fact that i don’t believe the church is true and i’m okay with that aspect of it, but what’s really been hard for me through my transition is the fear of disappointing the people i love. i’d be super interested in hearing how that went for other people and kind of what to expect and how to go about it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Long story short, I left my mission early as my first act of leaving the church. One of the hardest parts of coming home was facing everyone and knowing what they were saying about me to my face and behind my back. I was quick to believe that I was a failure and let that define me for far too long. So for anyone out there that's down because leaving is hard, you just won one of the biggest battles you will face in your life, and you inspire me 😊

I made the mistake of assuming others would want to know they're in a cult 😂 apparently a lot of people don't want to know that. 🤷‍♀️ Best thing to do is to get yourself out. Deal with your own programming and triggers.

That frustration when trying to explain yourself to others is so spot on. They are just going off the assumption that the church is true, and makes it so hard to show my viewpoint. I'm learning quickly that I won't be able to convince anyone of my side. Experienced it with my mom.. haven't told my dad yet, not looking forward to that.

When I was younger, I went to therapy and learned about managing emotions and accepting them. I told my brothers that anger wasn't a bad emotion, and it was okay to feel it. And that's the same for all emotions. It's not the anger, it's the way it's expressed that makes the difference. My brothers freaked out. Told me anger was bad and could be supresed. I had accepted my nonbelief at that point, and was kind of horrified at the things I didn't pick up on.

I remember this. When I was sad or angry, I was convinced it was my fault because I'd sinned in some way, usually thought sins. I hated that. Thanks for bringing it up; it takes a long time to overcome.

This is a very helpful video. I'm happy to hear that it's normal to have doubts after leaving. I have those thoughts every so often. It gets so engrained in a person that it's hard to let it go. Thank for you videos you have helped me on my new journey in life.

No one: Samantha: *conspicuous sip from a booty mug* Ily guys 😂

Damn this could not have come at a better time in my life. Literally no one understands me. Thank you Zelph on the Shelf!!!

Thank you guys so much for this video! I really need this right now, I’m in the process of leaving and my family is trying to fight me about it and get me to stay. Your channel helps me feel like I’m not alone in this journey.

I have no idea why but for some reason the line “we show up in matching ties and dresses every Sunday” hit me. Keeping up appearances is one of the things that is hard for me to let go and one of the main things I wanted to let go when I left the church. You can leave the church but you can’t leave what was ingrained in you for 19 years.

Comparing departure from the church to grieving is so true. I've been out for a while now and at times I still miss the feelings of surety and community that I could rely on, especially now as I'm in a financially difficult time. At first, I felt like I needed to find something to replace it so I thought about Buddhism and others but I could never find anything to actually believe in. Now, I've realized that I don't have to subscribe to any one thing, even my own atheism. I'm currently teaching ESL classes at the local mormon church (I live in Brazil) and I feel good doing it because it's helping people. Hopefully, they'll be more able to find out useful information for their lives.

I left last year. I'm still technically a member in their eyes. Currently I have no urge to seek to make it more official. I'm out and my life is better. That's all I need.

Had a really cool talk with my mom about the CES letter etc. and I said something really cool about the “three degree of glory” when my mom brought it up. I said “why would this so called god separate families” ..... it’s such a weird idea of the afterlife tbh

I’ve had a super rocky time “coming out” to my family. I wish I could be honest and open with my parents about where I’m at without fearing being disowned or kicked out of my house. Though even then, they’d probably just shut me out and make no effort to understand. The hardest part by far of my faith transition has been coming to grips that my relationships with family members will never be the same, and accepting that they see me differently than the way I am. That’s really hard, but it’s helping me to stop living in fear of retribution and just be authentic. I’m sure as hell gonna make the most of my freedom when I get it 🤞

Thanks guys. Been feeling very alone and sad and angry. So fucking difficult to lose not only your religion and worldview, but all my family and friends are LDS as well. Life sucks hardcore right now.

Thanks guys! Today is a serious “what if” day and it can be a bit nerve racking. Labels, presentation, images, anger, anxiety, fear...

For me it was a gradual process and I honestly did not expect I would officially resign.... but it became more and more obvious as I learned more. My family is all pretty much Mormon and I did not make any official announcement. My mom found out from someone else and was very upset (she went from guilting me to angry back to how my family will not be sealed to me any more). My children were never baptized so I kept pointing out that my children were no less her grandchildren as the others. Eventually we had to agree to disagree and she finally understood my point of view. I still love and respect my family but there are still some awkward family events.

I grew up in the Church but never really bought into it. I made a point to never go to the dances, or date any members. I never Liked the Idea of being "encouraged" to only date or associate with members. I went on a mission thinking that it might change things. It didn't. I Transferred to singles ward and never went, just so I could take a break. Now Im finally done with it, and luckily I didn't really have member friends, so It was pretty easy for me to leave.

I recently found your channel and I really enjoy your content because it puts things into perspective for me. I can relate as I am a senior at BYUI trying to figure out what’s truth. An idea I think would be helpful would be to have you read what’s taught in teacher manuals vs what is on the gospel essays portion of the church’s website on important issues to see the difference between what is actively taught as truth vs what they claim to be true. Thanks for always being honest and open with your experiences and views!

Wow, didn’t expect to resonate with this so much but thanks guys! I’m from a Protestant Christian background, and up until a year ago it was my whole life- my family, friends, career, education, my life framework! When I started deconstructing so much of the religious/cultural aspects, I totally went through that grieving process that y’all described. I keep watching watching y’all’s videos and I’m like why am I so drawn to this? (Because I’m not from a Mormon background and I actually still believe in God). But I guess I still had a lot to process/grieve about leaving a high demand religion and watching your videos has been really helpful. Thanks again!

You guys are amazing, so helpful and reassuring on this topic. Family especially and learning how to have your own opinions. I wished I had watched this when I left the morman church, it's very comforting. These words from you mean a lot to me, thank you.

Literally love you guys!! You guys have helped me out SO MUCH through this faith transition. I appreciate all of the in-site. Thank you!!!! 😊😌

I commend you on this episode Dear Zelphs. It is so valuable to folk who are vulnerable at the very difficult time of leaving. I would have loved it if that had been around when I left a couple of years ago. Thankyou for explaining what is going on and giving positive advise.

This video would've been super helpful for me 7 months ago. Thank you for making it. The anger, codependency, and the scrambling of the brain looking for answers. The fact that TBMs won't/can't understand. Healthy family relationships Thank you for making this for future exmos

❤ 3 years out. It was hard, but it's been so worth it!

first of all- this was super insightful and very well articulated. we stan. second of all- yall are fashion icons tbh

hi, i’m a 17 year old girl, and about a year ago i started to really have doubts about the church, and i remember the day that i finally was questioning if there was even a god. i felt almost sick to my stomach for the entire day just because i couldn’t believe i was even questioning that. i’ve finally come to the conclusion that i definitely don’t want to be a part of the church anymore. but this video helped me so much because i’m really struggling with what to do. i’m going to BYU this fall, and i can’t leave the church because then i couldn’t go to the school. but i don’t want a part of the church anymore. i could pretend to be a faithful member for 4 years.. but that might end up bad.

Thank you both for sharing your experiences and insights! This video is going to be a great reference for so many of us! The work you do really makes a profound difference!

Do a video about Myers Briggs! And I'd love to hear about Sam's experience of, firstly, getting married when you're not from a Mormon family, and also telling your non-Mormon family that you're leaving.

Really enjoy just hearing you talk about stuff like this. Don't overthink it. You produce great content when you speak from your heart and just let it go. Thanks much!

Although not a member this church helped me with my self harm. it wasn’t about prayer or reading scripture it was about getting professional help. They were respectful and understanding of mental health, suicide and self harm 💖

When u were talking about feelings it reminded me of the Book of Mormon song "Turn it off" which is literally about the surpression of thoughts and feelings.Whilst I'm not a religious person,I am British (!)so can definitely relate!! The "stiff upper lip" still very much exists here.

Samantha’s hair looks just lovely in this video, it looks almost like silver, almost as nice as Tanners hair 💕

Please make this into a series on more specific topics, like dating/sex, family interactions, mental health, etc. :)

I was having a severe mental breakdown today I'm trying so hard to be strong for my kids and this is helping so much. I'm making an appointment with my therapist asap

Hahaha love the mug Sam and the asmr at the end 🤣. Glad there is a community for us people dealing with the anger and hurt. Definitely not ready to talk to my family yet but maybe I'll check out the book. Reading some of the comments seems there always those passive aggressive individuals trying to be apologetics and guilting people who are trying to heal 🤔

This is really great, guys. This went on for me around 2009, so I'm glad this channel is around for everyone right now in 2019. Thanks for all of your work. Love from Australia, ex Mormon + Utahn

Thank you so much for the video! It's like this light in my own personal, dark, Utah tunnel. I'm going to go buy that book about communication :)

That. Was. Fantastic!!! I love how you tell people to let themselves feel what they feel. So important! Great advice for this journey out of what I think is the equivalent of Stockholm Syndrome in some. Reprogramming your own brain is very difficult. You've been trained to never hear your own inner voice. And it very much will align with what makes sense to you. I was so 'dissociated' from myself that I couldn't believe how often I had been doing things that were completely uncomfortable and felt wrong to me, in the name of obedience. Or following the Spirit ™. Lol 🤣😂👻😉😉

Great video! I really like these points: a) Nonviolent communication - I read a similar book about Verbal Self Defense that served the same function but now I want to check out and then possibly add that book to the recommended list. I also like Joe Kort and Rick Ross for cult deprogramming. b) The point made about being in control of which toxic relationships you can leave behind or permission to leave those out, not feeling obligated to explain yourself. That has rung true for me. I have a *huge* number of family members in Utah (each kid in my family tends to have 7 more), some of them are accepting and they stay and some of them "want their rainbow back" and I leave them be. Even though they want me in their life, I need them to realize what it takes to get in my good graces and for me not to play into their token gay friend program. Also, the metaphor of co-dependency and the process of finding yourself, your ethics and learning to stand on your own was an excellent confirmation and validation for me. Sharing my writing online has provided valuable validation, feedback, perspective and new information that I needed to understand what was wrong with the church's self help books...many of them built on Just World Hypothesis and so many deeper philosophical understandings. I think it's ok to start with something like Zen or Wicca or even from scratch: agnosticism or atheism since it's better to start with what you really do know than and from scratch than try to wrangle what you got from all your conditioning. That said, I think starting a personal value inventory and giving yourself permission to be a "cafeterialist" is very healthy and taking a step back is very very good when trying to readjust. It's freeing and liberating and allows you to reason to yourself what does and does work, what does and doesn't make sense. Again, great job guys, hope to see more!

I really loved this video. I've never gotten trapped into a high demand group, but I've had my brushes with them. But I love the vulnerability of your sharing and the wisdom. I'm sure many people will be encouraged.

I used to live in SLC but I was never Mormon. I still love your channel!

It was a huge thing for me to, before leaving the church, deny a calling and the counselor was like are you sure I’m like yep:p I am totally happy with my life honestly like I get to make my own decisions:) I’m no longer a member and I feel a lot better as it ties to many unhappy memories of doing things I felt I had to do:p I feel more free:)

Excellent! It's okay, to not be okay all the time, for us all.

Love you guys and you always make me laugh. I officially left March 3rd and I feel like shit sometimes.... after 39 yrs. I hate myself most of the time.

I’ve had a lot of experience with the reoccurring Mormon thoughts of (for lack of a better word) paranoia or regret, like “What if the church IS true and I’m making a huge mistake!” I would love to hear more about that from you guys and how to deal with it

Wow, this was amazing! I left Christianity, specifically The Lord’s Recovery! So accurate about what I’m going through right now! You guys are awesome!

Love the mugs!

I left the church of Christ after 30 years, 3 years ago this month. This video is so helpful to me thank you so much. It does feel strange and lonely, especially now since we have to distance ourselves from my “family.” I feel like I’m leaving everything I ever knew. The churches I was brought up in told us they’re the only ones going to heaven, we weren’t allowed to have instruments or a kitchen or anything in the building like that. I can’t even believe I only left 3 years ago. We were “disfellowshipped” right away when I left. My husband always went with me so he stopped when I did. Sam I love your dress and Tanner I love your shirt too. I’ll check out the book.

I remember watching this when I really needed it, and I’m so grateful that you were here to help me. I’m coming to terms with my life as I’ve been deprogramming from the church. You guys are the best, you’ve really helped me and undoubtedly others too. Keep doing what you do!

Is Tanner related to the Osmonds? Great channel, kids

I’m so fascinated by this. My husband is an ex Mormon. It just seems like complete mind control, not a religion.

At 17:02 you talk about defining your own moral code after leaving the church and how it's basically come down to "We want to reduce suffering in the world and not contribute to suffering in the world." Earlier in the video you also talk about dealing with your family after leaving... I've landed on the same code myself and maybe this is too personal for a KZfaq comment section but I've painted myself into a corner on this and am seeking advice. I don't want to hurt my family but I know saying to them "Hey, I'm no longer Mormon" is going to cause some pain, pain that may last for years. I've been stuck in this corner for 3 years and I don't know what to do.

Thank you for the perspective of saying that you can observe and accept your feelings without internalizing them and viewing them as part of yourself. I think this is something I've naturally done, and it's made it difficult for me to understand why others haven't. It gives me a good new perspective.

Your twitter account gets so much hate! Everyday i and surprised by how hateful some people can be, especially from Mormonism Glad to finally be free! Thanks for the constant videos

I’m an intp too, Sam! I appreciate you recommending that book and making this video because I have had an increasingly difficult time communicating with my family since I started investigating my doubts about the church. I haven’t talked to either of my parents about it and I’ve had a lot of fear that when I do, I’ll get too heated (as I tend to do) or just say things thatll only reassure them that I’m going through a phase or I’m not humble enough or that I’m just being brainwashed by the ‘liberal agenda’ at college haha. I appreciate your videos so much, they are so comforting and reassure me in my changing and sometimes chaotic feelings, especially since I don’t have a great support system without my family right now. Thank you for all the work you put into this!

I just got my name removed.... I feel lost now. Thank you for sharing these videos. 💜

i started therapy it really does help even just to have that time to off load how you feel and experiences i have gone through.

Thank you for making these.

I LOVE this video! 🙌 and I look forward to more videos about the process of leaving.

Love your work guys. I appreciate what you do immensely.

Very well done, thank you both.

I was a mormon for almost 31 years. I just left and no I do not know what to do so thank you for this

Another Awesome video guys !!!

Love your pod cast

It took me about . . . a year and a half? Almost 2 years before I could stop wearing my garments without feeling I was going to hell. And funny enough it was a family member fighting with me that encouraged me to dispose of them if I was not planning to go back any time soon.

I love this!!

I was born and raised in the LDS church, I was married in the temple, and fathered seven born under the Covenant children, before I left the church. After 22 years of being out, this is what I have learned. The depression Mormons feel is the result of the demands of Time, Spiritual adherence, and Financial burdens, laid on the shoulders of its most faithful members. The Mormon Jesus offers Celestial Glory [if] you will follow the rules, laid out by the brethren of the LDS Church. Mormons are taught to believe that Jesus didn't do it all, that there is a secret/sacred punch list of performances, exclusively controlled by the corporation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, complete with handshakes and incantations, to achieve Celestial Glory and become like God. It is Nephi's admonition in the Book of Mormon "after all we can do" that defines this philosophy, which fundamentally robs Jesus the Christ, (the Son of the Living God), spoken of in the Books of John and Matthew, of the complete and absolute victory, over sin and death. It is only the biblical Jesus that can lift this horrific and tramatic burdon, that brings a peace that defies understanding. God does not desire religion, God desires a personal relationship. Once you understand and confess to him, that you are a hopeless sinner, and that you need him, this peace comes to you, it is the absence of that peace that lets you know you're out of alignment with God's will for you. It isn't anyone complicated than that.

Thank you fellow apostates. My former lds friend are adding extra friendly. Of course it is for the right reasons and I am either rebellious or was offended, Wink wink.

Love it. While discussing leaving the church, they are drinking coffee!

I've gone to 3 different people (4 since one was a couple) about my doubts. First guy my age understood where I was coming from (my church loves talking about cults the bite model ect. But often times doesn't self examine themselves with it (see how much, even a little, of a cult Christianity is). I told my friend if a mormon was having doubts, I'd challenge them to put it to the test (because what is true SHOULD survive tests and scrutiny). I wouldn't tell him to go deeper into indoctrination (keep reading the book and telling yourself it's true until you believe it). That's the most simple form of brain washing. Using this, I compared it with Christianity saying I want to KNOW, not just believe, and my church would probably give me the same advice (just read your bible and pray). My friend didn't have an answer but understood where I was coming from (didn't label me as an atheist or anti theist). 2. The couple took this as an extension of grace and mercy (I try and look at things from different perspectives and give people the benifite of the doubt). They thought I was doing this with atheists. 3. The Bible study pastor tried to turn the table onto atheists, shifting the burden of proof onto them, saying "they owe as an alternative explanation" not realizing the budget of proof IS on Christians for making the claim. He than tried to apply appeals to emotions "Hey remember when you got saved? How did you feel?" I told him the truth is still true, regardless of how you feel about it. It's weird but I'd thought he'd think I was being humble by admitting and being honest with myself "I can't prove. If I had to be honest with myself, I don't actually know (I may believe but I don't know), I could easily be wrong, and won't know until death (which I'm fine with)"

Also, thanks so much for this 😀

I'd like to say that I think many of us have left the church a long time ago even though we still go through the motions and stay "active". For me it's a social club more than a church.

Thank you for this, I’ve really been looking for information and other peoples experiences on this.

I feel this video. While I was not raised LDS, I was raised evangelical. I felt like I lost everything when I realized the Church was not what I thought it was.

I never believed, so leaving isn't really causing me grief. I realized I liked girls years ago and that it was okay, and that was that. I had to hide that because a stupid religion said it wasn't okay.

Gotta love the yard work soundtrack on this episode! Lol

Everything you shared can be applied to ex-jws also. (I'm one.) Good advice, full stop.

I’d love a video on how Mormonism attracts and breeds people with narcissism and borderline personality disorder. I encountered a LOT of it. Was it just me or is this a common disorder for people in the Mormon religion?

You two are brilliant, wonderful people. Thank you sparkly BABIES

I was devastated when I read the CES letter and started really researching what I was told to not touch. Worst few months ever. Went through a long period of sorrow, then euphoria, now anger. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least

I actually had a seminary substitute tell us point blank that we had no right to be angry with people and that it was a sin for us to be angry at anything. God is the only one who can be angry apparently.

I grew up in a super Mormon area outside of salt lake city. I personally work with several of them. Coming here I think there is alot of shaming and pressure. What makes it worse is that is a smaller community that creates further emotions.

I fucking love this channel

I find it’s not a faith crisis but a religion crisis, I kinda wish we referred to it as that. As Faith is greater than religion and faith can be in God or the universe.

I'm a teenager still living with my family and I'm relatively open about my loss of faith in the church and my parents seem to have accepted that, but they're so worried about my future. They can't see how someone can live without the church and they expect me to know how I'm going to live my life. I don't know yet, just give me some time to think. I've never known anything else so of course this is going to be difficult but I believe it will be better in the long run.

Where did you get those cute candle holders!

Your opening ad is for the LDS church. FYI. It's comeuntochrist.org

I am feeling guilt and about sexual relationship and living normal life, and also I am having that feeling you said when my main goes maybe I should go back did i make a mistake

This is so confusing I was raised in the church and always believed and still do. I think. But I've always had a few nagging questions that just didnt sit right with me. But the points you make against the church make sense. Idk I just feel really lost and confused about the church I dont know if I should keep reading my scriptures and praying like I've been taught or should I keep doing research about things that could shake my faith.

Hi Guys! Thnks a lot for this video... I`m suffering this kinds of things. 1 question: Im from Argentina.. That Book of "comunication with no violence".. Can i find here?

I found it a bit ironic that I got a Pureflix advert ahead of watching this. I need to cut that sappy shit out by getting some adblock, upping my subscription or changing my ad preferences. I think they're buying up airtime on religious topic videos.. uggh. :P Anyone have other ideas how to generally avoid that? BTW, I'd love to see a video on more helpful books and movies that have helped you in understanding and adapting your way out as well as any critiques of books that you think have hindered the process and I mean more subtle ones. One example of a book that didn't help much was "The JackRabbit Factor" and "The Secret" which was advised for me in trying to pray the gay away, find my "testimony" again etc etc. Another was all those ex-gay books and old church books (e.g.: Miracle of Forgiveness) etc. Also anything on the church's seemingly big focus on its own male dominant culture etc.

I feel like I'm in such a tough position of my transition.. I feel crippled with fear.. im afraid to share this with anyone in fear that I'll ruin thier whole outlook on existence and life and go through this terrible process yet I feel an obligation to share all the horse shit with those i love because they have the right to know!

I got an ad for the church lol

frindly neighborhoood apostates, LOL