Tik Tok has a huge issue with fetishizing unhealthy behavior. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable and love someone authentically. It's a beautiful thing, and it breaks my heart how often people seek to undermine that beauty.

Never was a fan of manipulating someone to "love" me. Or chase me. People go out of their way to use dark psychology on someone rather than learning to honestly communicate their needs, so they don´t openly get rejected. The trick is to become resilient, not to avoid pain.

My partner told me that one of the things that first attracted him to me was that I actually replied to messages fairly quickly. And that when I did leave it a bit, I almost always said "sorry I was busy" so he always knew that even if he sometimes had to wait a a bit, I'd never intentionally leave him on read because I genuinely looked forward to talking to him ❤️

It's so amazing that people spend so much time on how to be manipulative and toxic instead improving themselves.

I’ve heard about toxic masculinity, but this dark femininity is news to me, thanks for informing us so perfectly and entertainingly

Geez, this woman has single handedly shaped my adult life.

Its so ironic to me how people are asking for more empathy towards everyone, but trends on social media are lacking said empathy the most. Also, love the new longformat videos Anna! Keep it up!!

Growing up, my mother taught me to respect women. She didn’t do it in a good way, it was kind of a “woman good, men bad” philosophy. Then I married a narcissistic woman and it was Hell. Now I hear about “dark femininity.” I think I’ll just stay single forever. It’s all such a mindfuck.

Between toxic masculinity and dark feminity, a lot of people are gonna end up absolutely miserable and exhausted. The effort put in to follow these tips/rules isn't worth the relationship wanted because the relationship will be unhealthy and you touched on that brilliantly. It's also scary to think about how many kids and teens on TikTok are seeing these types of videos and thinking the behavior is normal. It's not normal at all. It's dangerous.

I feel very sorry for those men and women who have been deceived or disappointed by bad experiences with the opposite sex and end up in these toxic rabbit holes, manipulated by grifters who prey on their insecurities.

This is why the whole “gaslight gatekeep girl boss” thing is the worst thing ever. Why do people take pride in being cruel and tearing people down? The fact it’s a rarity to experience empathy and kindness is sending us down the darkest future.

Honesty is the best filter. Show up as your authentic self and let things pan out as they should.

I texted my now fiancé less than an hr after our first date (best first date of my life, hadn't smiled or laughed like that in literal years), and asked him for a second date the next day. I am so glad that we never wasted a minute on games or manipulation or any of that. My unsolicited dating advice: be honest and vocal about your feelings and wants/needs, listen when the other person does the same, and never settle. If it's not a Hell Yes! it's a Hell No!

"How to become a narcissis for Dummies" should be name of these people's handbook. It's just ridiculous. I have been called boring by women, and "too nice" because I hate playing games. One said it's no mystery like her toxic ex would give her.

Yeah... I married a narcissist who, in hindsight used some of these tactics... it did not end well, and it died a slow torturous death as I tried to coparent our daughter with her. Years of therapy later, and having learned how to watch out for these manipulative red flags during the hell that is middle-aged dating, I met my second wife, and we moved slowly and cautiously, each of us opening up slowly, knowing the other had been hurt. We've been together for over a decade, and neither of us has raised our voice to the other (which is different than agreeing on everything, we don't.). Therapy also prepared me help my daughter through her first divorce narcissistic now-ex-wife.

So true. I am a woman, and I dont buy BS from woman nor man. The time they start to acting like child, prideful and mind game, I am out. I called out one female coworker as petty cause she wanted to appeared to be "wanted". I called out man coworker who witholding communication and jeopardize a project just bcs he thought he is good looking and popular and I was the one who must communicate first. F them!

Sounds a lot like narcissism to me. I know a few of people like this. They make people feel like they did something wrong and always apologizing. Its overwhelming and exhausting.

"How to make him fall in love with you 🥵" Girl what happened to friendships developing into romantic ones and why do I have to be a dark empath? Kindness is beauty tbh.

This happened in my psychology class once where we were learning about. Caldinis six principles of persuasion and someone in the back basically said so you're teaching us how to manipulate people and I turned around and I said sort of the thing is if you know how manipulation works, you know how to avoid it. And that's what's most important about lessons like this. Not to propagate the manipulation but to identify and prevent it from getting out of hand.

I love how transparent they are thinking they really did sth when women have been emotionally blackmailing and manipulating for years. Thank you for the confirmation as advice. Now more than ever we need love. Congregate don't segregate. These people are actually taking themselves out of interpersonal relationships, especially for longevity and the encouragement of others doing the same will reduce the amount of successful relationships, families and children effectively being population control while they profit.

The quote "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" comes to mind when toxic behavior like what is mentioned happens. I hope more people heed both of these lessons!!

As a guy who's been in a manipulative relationship, I'm able to identify those traits in others now that it's over and avoid those people. I also had the benefit of being raised in a way that taught me how to say enough is enough. But there are a lot of men out there who are starved for affection who just take what they can get and are really vulnerable to these types of manipulation tactics. All I'll say is, men AND women, meet them halfway. If they don't put in the same effort then LET EM GO. If it doesn't feel good but rather like a deep LONGING feeling when in their presence then that's a big red flag to heed.

I’m 35 this year. Big trend I’ve noticed is it used to just be a “story” of someone saying that know someone who gaslight or was negative in relationship 15 years ago from another school or work, then it became you know someone and heard something bad from an associated social circle, then it became you would become shocked from some one in your direct social circle in terms of how they have acted and now it’s 51% plus of the dating marker playing games and causing grief for a myriad of different reasons, it’s actually insane what the youth are doing today and how messed up dating and social interactions have become. Social media imo has done far more damage than good in its creation and use and the effects will be seen in decades to come of how badly it has damaged society.

THANK YOU. This bs has been all over my fyp no matter how many times I hit "not interested." I love the idea of reclaiming the divine feminine, but I want to do that in a healthy, empowering way that welcomes people into my life without making them feel addicted and then in withdrawal from me. I lost an entire group of friends last year because they all subscribed to this dark feminine / dark empath / dark psychology bs and I didn't want that in my life.

Imagine looking at the beautiful, awe-inspiring world and the complexity of human relationships through the totalizing lens of power. It’s wild how people who view the world through that lens don’t recognize it’s a manifestation of their own trauma and insecurity.

"Love requires bravery; it demands that we show up, that we show our soft underbelly and hope that we don't get stabbed. And if we do, it requires us to dust ourselves off and go back onto the battlefield." Perfectly succint description of love, although not an easy thing to do.

Regardless of gender, the secret to beating this "red pill" stuff is self respect. This stuff only work on people who aren't in a place to casually walk away from someone behaving in a way they aren't comfortable with. It's true what they say: you gotta love yourself before you're ready to love anyone else.

As a guy who got heavily manipulated in a relationship it was by far the most traumatic experience id ever gone through and ive been through some nasty stuff, i felt like I could never voice my opinion in fear of being yelled at in closed doors, there were many times where i always felt like i was the cause of the problem so id constantly apologize over the smallest things whether me wanting to hang out with friends or simply talking over her by accident and sometimes my apologies weren’t good enough for her and she’d tell me i needed to make it up to her but would never tell me how i could do that. I remember how easy argument could be started at the drop of a hat and how she’d say stuff like “i never really loved you” or “I should’ve stayed with my ex” then one day she just sends me a break up text and blocks me on everything thankfully i got with my new girlfriend and she’s probably the best thing to ever happen to me, but sometimes i still get scared she may yell and throw insults at me but she always reassures me she won’t it took awhile but i think im finally doing better i was in a really bad spot and i feel like i didn’t have much respect for myself so it makes me feel good to know im getting better.

Wow. Honestly social media is really doing so much damage to our social fabric. We don't need women copying toxic masculinity and flipping it round to "get what they want". The masters tools will not dismantle the master's house. Revenge may be sweet for a while, but it's not going to make your life better. Playing men in the dating game is just a short cut to being a bitter angry person on a merry go round of abusive relationships.

I've been noticing this trend for a while now. It's basically the Prisoner's Dilemma applied to love lives. Hurt, scared, lonely people (men and women) who are not getting their emotional needs met see the tactics used by others and start employing those same tactics or worse themselves as a way to protect their own self worth and avoid the pain associated with being abused. It's an arms race of sorts where everyone loses eventually. It really is incredible how frequently one can see the Prisoner's Dilemma in American society. It's almost as if the people of this country just have an aversion to cooperation, collective solutions to common problems, and to win-win scenarios.

This is by far one of my favorite videos you’ve made. Thank you for all your work on this!

You’re the only person I enjoy watching ads from Anna. The reason is because it’s always SquareSpace and I love that about your channel. I’ve had fun watching your content over the years as you think of creative ways to re-market that brand. I just think it’s super cool that it’s kind of like your thing now 😊🙌

SHE IS HEALING US. i am so sick of this dark psychology feminine mystique- it’s so cringe and unhelpful ❤

I'm on a break from dating that might last forever. I'm working on allowing myself to feel safe when I don't have anyone interested in me and don't have any of the drama of "are they right for me?"! I'm bored, a little lonely, and admittedly a little uncomfortable in this unfamiliar peace. But, since the thought of getting back into the sick and twisted dating game makes me want to throw up, I'm gonna chill here in my solo era for a while. I don't want to give up on love but here I am

Just when you realize they have been manipulating you all this time …

Anna, you're being a real angel showing truth and wisdom to the crowds of confused and deceived people. You're a lightworker when you do stuff like this. I'm so glad you're here.

Thank you Anna, I've been heartbroken really bad lately and all these TikTok tactics were hurting me even more, I really needed this and I didn't even know. Thank you.

Thank you for speaking up on this. If anybody wants to call you a pick me for being a compassionate human, I will fight them. The internet is fueling really unhealthy trends.

Thank you for providing information and guidance to a generation that's so exposed to misleading "advice" day by day❤

im so glad someone is talking about this, its been bothering me for quite a while

I am of the belief that if somebody truly likes you, there’s no need for manipulation tactics. Those tactics can lead to a relationship built on a foundation of lies making said foundation unstable

"[Love] demands that we show our soft underbelly and hope that we don't get stabbed." That is SO spot on! You always have the best content Anna 👏🏻👏🏻

Pretending to be someone you’re not has never helped anyone get into a healthy and long lasting relationship. If you’re using manipulation to get him to like you- are you going to continue this into your relationship? If he doesn’t like you for who you are HE IS NOT FOR YOU. I will admit I got sucked into this trap for years starting 2014 ish and it ended up doing more harm than good. Once I became honest and vulnerable I got into my first ever happy relationship. It’s awful to see it all over tik tol now

The *really* messed up part is this "advice" has been in women's magazines for decades, it's just tiktok has revealed this toxic behaviour to both men and women, not a select group of women

I love Anna's insightful advice. Female friendships can be mutually rewarding, but they can also be very manipulative and one sided.

By playing these games, you push away the person that is meant for you. The people who give advice on how to be manipulative are looking through the lense of short term relationships. Quick dopamine hits at the expense of others. They are usually the big losers in the end.

As always: thank you for spreading awareness ♥♥

Great stuff Anna. Thanks for raising this.

It's good that you're talking about this, I really hope society doesn't trend toward manipulative and cold but rather honest and connected. I think a large part of what shapes ideologies is in what content people are exposed to, so I'm glad you're putting a drop in the positivity bucket.

Anna is big sister energy

I feel very sorry for anyone who watches these videos that doesn't realise that by applying these toxic behaviours you'll only attract toxic relationships with toxic people. The few clips at the beginning are literally like a manual of "how to drive away decent people and make sure your relationships are gonna be miserable".

my algorithm finally brought you back! aaah yaaay Anna Akana!

I’m currently in a relationship where me and my partner are very open with each other. We’ve both been in unhealthy relationships in the past and one of the big things when we first met was no games. Don’t play games with each other and just be honest. Whenever I see videos about manipulation, it just makes me sad. Why would you wanna play mind games with someone you love? Or someone you’re starting a relationship with?

I think the common theme in these toxic relationship tactic is that, they think "if they're ever serious in a relationship, they will lose"

Girls dont even talk to me, none of this will ever work on me

Thanks for tackling this topic Anna, brilliant as usual !

This also happens in groups of people who want to pretend they have some form of status and that you have to be "after them", as they are trying to create constant FOMO, so that you "earn" your place among them. The thing is that idk what exactly they can offer but a constant need to prove to them that you're "worthy"

As a guy I struggle with our own version of this problem in the "red pill" and "manoshpere" community. On the one hand there are a lot of good messages that some guys need to hear like having self respect, never putting a women on a pedestal, work on your own self improvement, ect or having a place for men to talk about male issues. I also like Robert Green books for self defense and guiding your way threw the world of business and politics. Where I start breaking away from that stuff is that there are some male "gurus" types out there who you can tell have a lot of resentment against the opposite sex and have a lot bad messages like using gaslighting techniques. So its interesting for me seeing women struggle with their own version of this.

Here we go Anna 🎉❤

I feel like your videos get better and better 🥰

I was best friends with a girl who did this to me for years, and then when I did not make her my “number one priority” she would accuse me of not caring about her and being a terrible friend. Eventually I’d had enough and I told her I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore, but ever since, I have had intense anxiety in romantic and platonic relationships, waiting for the explosion of what I’ve done wrong when things have been going well for too long. In my current relationship, it actually caused problems because I would start expecting my partner to ghost me or get angry with me for something I couldn’t foresee, and when that didn’t happen, I felt this constant anxiety that I was waiting for it to happen because it was inevitable. But I didn’t know how to express this to my partner, so it usually just ended in me crying daily and them not being able to understand what was upsetting me. Luckily my partner is wonderful and stuck through with me and I recently explained all this to them and they understood, but being in any kind of relationship with a manipulative person leaves lasting scars and can affect the way you view yourself in relationships for years to come, even if you’re no longer in contact with that person.

Right there with you! Here for this message 👏👏👏

Thanks for calling this out Anna!

Man watchinh Anna is so nostalgic for me. Love this

Preach 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Me and my friends always steer clear of these clips and tiktok bs but now seeing the compiled up like this (as an example for the vid) makes me wrench in horror that humans are already so manipulative and digusting - and now they're spreading them through the internet like wildfire

thank you daddy squarespace!!

I've been watching you for years and you're still helping me be a functioning human being. Love you Anna

That monologue about love and vulnerability at the end was great and really resonated with me. Thanks.

I'm so glad you are talking about this. It's becoming extremely worrying and pervasive on tiktok and it will make some people very very miserable

Thank you for your intellectual honesty/consistency. Too many people lack that.

One of the best creators on KZfaq hands down! Everything she says makes me want to listen more.

I've experienced these at different points in my life. The first time, it wrecked me badly, and to be honest, I tried to reproduce it but to do it, you have to disregard feelings (yours and others) ultimately, and I couldn't allow myself to be that. Since then, I have had zero tolerance towards these kinds of behavior because it shows a shallow level of empathy and an abusive mentality, which cannot be part of a healthy relationship.

thank you for addressing this

Thank you Anna. You may not understand this but your channel and your videos, this one specifically, are resonating deeply with me and I feel heard with you. Thank you for your words, i love the way you articulate your ideas. Plus your face is very pleasant to look at, and the home decord is symply gorgeous! Thank you again.

Anna is so informing. Even in my old age I have learned things from her. Thank you, Anna, for brightening the day of many.

I'm really happy that you're talking about this problem of rebranding manipulation as personal empowerment. It's definitely one that I've noticed and personally really hate for the reasons that you mentioned as well as the ways that it feeds into the patriarchy

Mannnn this is sooooo cool!!! Well articulated and addressed. “Genuinely showing up” is so attractive!

Thanks Anna, I really needed to hear this!

This is the best, most honest and open episode so far. Thank you, Anna. 😊

Count on Anna Akana to always call out toxic trends. I remember getting a lot of this kind of content on my page when I was exactly where you said, desperately searching for real love. And when I found it, it wasn't through mind games. Though I think we can all acknowledge that to a degree, someone who is superrrrr easily available isn't as attractive, placing arbitrary rules around when to reply and when to commit etc will have you only ever thinking about the game, and missing out on love in the process!

I am so glad that I found your channel. I had a friend who use these toxic and manipulation techniques for his benefits but in reality he is not at peace. Unfortunately we are no longer friends but I wish he stops doing it and start improving himself.

i love you for this, you deserve the best in life

Thank you for someone finally speaking up on this

Ooooooooh, THAT'S WHY I didn't like all these dark-fem-manipulation videos😮 I felt, like there is something wrong with them, but I couldn't word it properly, thank you for helping me with that 👍👍

It's wonderful that you're highlighting this and giving people some much needed perspective of how their mindless social media scrolling is subconsciously projecting toxic behaviors on to their minds. Women need to, take cognizance and actively discourage such behavior.

Respect to Anna and her work! Despite the chaos we're going through in many parts of life, Anna remains a cold mind to approach things and continuously put remarkable efforts into studying any problem she wants to address. Narcissism and manipulation are growing quick at home, at work, and in any relationship we could think of. They surely will drag you down badly. People should do more critical thinking with what's being said on Tiktok or any social media that tends to give you 'quick and easy' solutions. Way to go Anna!

Guys if any of you here have read the book "Attached" by Amir Levin and his colleague (i don't remember her name), they actually said something very interesting about popular dating advice . They believe that if you play games (especially if you're someone with anxious attachment style) you are betraying yourself cause this sort of behaviours make you more accessible to Narsissistic, avoidant and manipulative partners. Be truthful both to yourself and your date and stop playing games in order to heal your ego wounds and instead go to therapy. Some trends are really toxic. You don't need to act crappy to prove your worth to an avoidant partner.

Individualism is the highest ideal in modern society, which leaves little room for relationships. What can I get out of you? That is the base question most people dating ask themselves. We've deconstructed relationship norms without replacing them with anything, leading to a vacuum, that's being filled by emotional manipulation, so the individual can extract what they want from the other. Relationships have become a competition, rather than a cooperation.

Doing gods work on this one

Thank you for raising awareness of this.

I've learned more from this channel than from multiple psychology courses.

As someone in her 60’s I see this as such a big step backwards for feminism. I think some of these Tik Tokers confuse empowerment w/entitlement.

Yessss thanks finally someone is talking about it, I love your videos sm

Thank you for this Anna ❤ my previous relationship with an avoidant has made me very wary and protective of myself to the point I wasn't showing up in my true, authentic self 😢

Only issue I have is the notion that this is “new” or “on the rise”. It’s been a thing for hundreds of years. Even my great grandma told me how HER grandma used to do this. That’s 200 years right there.

All those clips really disturb me. How do I discern a garbage-person from a misguided-person that has learned a garbage-technique?

Love this!

One of my favourite videos!

I wish these toxic podcast alpha dude bros and these dark femininity people would just get together and leave everyone else alone. They would truly be doing the world a favor