I was thinking about it, and if you wanted an even worse gift, you could get them a coupon for 1 small taxidermy... like people sometimes do for beloved pets... >_>

@@AndaraBledin Oh God lol. Yup you definitely found something worse there, Anthony would be proud.

Good I got to see your new car I got a new car I have to pick you off and pick you off I can get your stuff to your house I can get your money for a pick me pick you up I have to your pick and up and I have a car and I can pick up the girls I can get your dad pick you off at the time and pick you pick your time up for pick you pick your time up and I have to your pick you pick your car and I can pick up a time and I have to pick you pick your time and pick up a pick you up at your car I have a pick you pick your time and pick up a car or a pick you yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

That's what makes it unfunny. Knowing that his innocent story is going to have a dark twist. Just makes it all so predictable. Gets old quik.

Dude is an accidental train wreck that still somehow manages to accomplish the villains goals 🤣

Omg so true! 😂

He is still killing though.

That is the PERFECT way to describe it lol

You are literally paraphrasing Whitney Cummings.

He's killin it

You really don't pull off sarcasm very well.

Yes the world will be happy place to live then

My wife's reasoning was:"We can't afford to bring up twins." I was with her at the ultrasound when we got the news. No medical condition. She immediately burst out crying, I hugged her and told her that we're gonna be okay, no matter what. I was opposed, but she went and had it done anyway. It was her final decision, but maybe I should've put my foot down more firmly. But I didn't know how. I had a weird dream, I think right after the abortion, with The Hollies singing "He's not heavy, he's my brother". I had heard it before, but didn't know the name of the song or the name of the band, I had to search it up using words like "heavy" and "brother". I still can rarely listen to it without tearing up. They'd be 17 this year. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I should have done more to assure her that we're gonna be fine.

@TTFerdinand I can't imagine what that's like, I'm sorry. I will pray for you to find peace.

😂

Context? Please?

Didn't get it 😢 !?

💯. Unflinching, literally and figuratively, and honest. Strangely moving...

really thoughtful!!!

The comedian is as lame as this comment.

@@ih1183 but not as lame as you hahahaha

@@ih1183 let's see you try to do better

I hope he goes back to more outrageous liners because his stry telling jokes are funny but... funny like uncles at a family party. Or work colleagues funny. I usually love his stuff. This was boring.

Eagerly waiting! That'll be a MUST see!

Bones and All coming soon...

Am seeing him live in a couple weeks for the first time. Can't wait. :)

I don’t really get the funny point of this… Why babysitting a baby is a good friend and funny…

​​@@meatloafcat5892 maybe cause a great friend would help getting an abortion so caring a baby wouldn't ever be necessary. But a just good friend wouldn't help to get rid permanently of the "trouble" and, instead, just gonna help babysitting by a while. Anyway, is as I get that part

I think he sounds like if John Malkovich and Christopher Walken were to have a baby somehow. It would be Anthony Jeselnik. 😉

But you're right, he definitely sounds so much like John Malkovich. Spot on.

He looks like John Malkovich (in a wig) doing stand-up.

Yoooo he fuckin does

​@@jeremybr2020or the ghost of that baby

No, his friend did.

@@mitchellarmyguy2515 no his friend didnt. It was just an abortion. Chill man. Its not like a person murder or something

@@Ottophil lmao I forget how stupid some people are. You have to type out fully when you are making a joke...

@@mitchellarmyguy2515 fr

@@Ottophil How does someone not get this joke that's literally on topic with what you just watched? SMH

God is a fan

The bible doesn't say anything specific about abortion so I think we're in the clear

@Jason R if a miscarriage is caused by someone outside the parents the punishment is different from murder? Also, That's not an abortion! And people have been performing abortions for thousands of years across cultures so if it was forbidden it would have been addressed directly. Different Christian churches have different opinions on abortion and some changed their stance over time. The Catholic Saint Bridget ended someone's unwanted pregnancy without birth and without pain, it was a miracle. Sorry for rambling

Religion is a miscarriage of intelligence.

If God is real then he made this dude exactly how he is for this exact purpose so I think you're supposed to laugh if he crossed into your life.

One of his main inspirations...he talks about Wright in podcast interviews a lot

yikes. soulless huh?

@@moviedevonk As a woman who’s had 2 abortions, one resulting from rape, I thought this bit was absolutely hilarious. Anything can be joked about if it’s done well. I even laugh at quality rape jokes. I wish Jeselnik had been my friend on my abortion days.

@@moviedevonk No just a person. like a quarter of women in america before the age of 40.

That's the point of art.

@@moviedevonk the irony is pretty thick here.

I hope they go well

Is this a joke cause if it is that’s funny but kinda fucked up if it’s true.

@@enriqueperezarce5485 Ha

@@enriqueperezarce5485 Cmon man you can't believe for a second that this is true, of course it's a joke..

Kill it!

lol

If he hasn’t caught on by now… Really, though what is your measure of success? He’s extremely popular.

I don't think his delivery is as good as Carlin's

@@triti5266 Carlin had other kind of jokes, dry humor was rarer for him, though Jeselnik is all about the latter type. Why Carlin - cause both are extreme when it comes to black humor, but jeselnik's delivery is of Steven Wright's type. Noone can top Carlin, that's not what I'm saying..

@@justincoleman3805 dunno, like paintings of long dead artist who are famous 150 years after their death. I believe there is not a lot of black humor fans compared to other types of humor.. If A.C. Dice sold out most tickets in one show tells you anything?

He's very good but at Carlin's level? No way.

i dont feel terrible. not one bit

why scrambled eggs?

@@chrisathian5450 an abortion is literally taking a sharp tool and scrambling the fertilized egg, although I prefer mine with Denny's Grand Slam breakfast

@@montysimms6136 God damn your dark sense of humour.

Jeselnikker. That’ll turn some heads if said in public lol

a jesel what??

Very thoughtful, since nobody ever lets pregnant women enjoy a drink anymore.

@Jason R go away

@Jason R And the priest shall cause her to swear, and shall say unto the woman: 'If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness, being under thy husband, be thou free from this water of bitterness that causeth the curse; but if thou hast gone aside, being under thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee besides thy husband--then the priest shall cause the woman to swear with the oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman--the LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to fall away, and thy belly to swell; and this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, and make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to fall away'; and the woman shall say: 'Amen, Amen.' And the priest shall write these curses in a scroll, and he shall blot them out into the water of bitterness. And he shall make the woman drink the water of bitterness that causeth the curse; and the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her and become bitter. - Numbers 5:19-24

Did you get away in a Ford Bronco?

You’re a good friend for doing that for her.

@@Tonyhouse1168 I always teach my children that if your ever in a relationship with someone and it ends.. don't be mean or live with hate for them... Most time can be distant friends, or at least polite to each other.. obviously there was a reason you where in a relationship.. I also teach my kids something most people should learn. I tell my boys especially, if you ask out a girl or make a move and she says no or not interested. Still be polite, still be you, she might not be interested in the moment or ever.. but don't change you just because of rejection..if anything she will regrets later as you stay true to bring the best you.. Goes with anything, rejection is just another opportunity for something better.. I own businesses and first thing to know about business is learn to fail . More you fail the more successful you become. Just like rejection.. more you understand and live with not getting something, the more you get later.. Learn love and love life but first fail, fall and get rejected as often as you can..

@@notfamouschristopher that's a great message , be true to yourself. I taught my kids something similar. That whole having to literally run a gauntlet to attend a clinic doesn't happen in my country, I don't understand it.

It’s only getting worse with each day that passes. ☹️

@@xiomara5147 you're so right. I keep waiting for all these old puritanical assholes who are turning back time with their lawmaking to die already so we can get some fresh blood in government. Preferably ones who don't wish to turn women into handmaids. .

Damn you killed a baby and made a KZfaq comment about it. Savage

Oh honey I’m sorry. I took my BF & it was sad. The waiting room was filled with young couples that looked like they barely scraped the money together. At that point most of not all my friends in their 20’s had one, sometimes 2.

@@samanthab1923 Thank you. Sometimes it takes something like that to show you what a person is really like. And I just remembered, there WAS one person who cared enough to help me, but I needed her to get my (3) kids off the bus and keep them for a couple hours so obviously she couldn't come along. It might be nice if planned Parenthood had a person on hand for women who have to come alone, you know, to sit with you awhile (it was an eight hour day, pre-smartphone) and maybe keep checking on you and chatting. I'd volunteer to do that actually.

No one cares

You are metal as fuck. Mad respect

I admire the holy shit out of you. Fuck, you're a strong woman!! And I like people who choose to find the humor in tragedy. I don't understand how people can go on if they aren't able to do that.

Your baby boy and girl are watching you from above

@@rosequartz4102 thank you! Yes, I’ve been through a lot in my life, and finding humor has kept me sane.

@@daquieshakeaundra2854 go to hell

😂😂🤣🤣

Just appalling.

@@BTBAMNYI Remove the stick from your ass. As a woman who’s had 2 abortions, one resulting from rape, I thought this bit was absolutely hilarious. Anything can be joked about if it’s done well. I even laugh at quality rape jokes. I wish Jeselnik had been my friend on my abortion days.

I'm so confused what are you talking about

@@BTBAMNYI I don't get it what's the appaling part??

But Ricky Gervais is funny

Andrew Shultz or Tony hinchcliffe would be better for roasting someone

what is a to go box?

Cool story

You think that's bad, you should hear the jokes embalmers tell each other. xD

Are you claiming to be Jessica?

Anthony doesn't sound like someone who would be pro-life. Don't take my word for it.

Right? Also fascinating how it goes over his audience's heads (here in the comments also) that his most repeated and obvious point is that a baby is being killed.

Shhhh! You're ruining it.