"This channel is a trans-inclusive space. If you disagree, kindly understand that people's existence is not a point of debate" god I love you

when i was in college, my friend group was 11 lesbians, 5 bi women, and 3 straight women. the funniest joke was when one of the lesbians or bi women said "let me get this straight" and pull one of the straight women in front of her. good times!!!

fun fact: in brazil, our equivalent for “d*ke” is “sapatão”, which translates to “big shoe”, since back in the day lesbians used to wear men’s shoes that would be too large on them in order to express their personal style and non-conformity ❤️ the “shoe lesbian” is a worldwide phenomenon

throughout the video, i was like "oh, this is informative, but are all these labels really that important?" and then i realised i'm a lesbian from Russia, and in a week it's going to basically become illegal to be gay in my country. so i change my mind. go labels, go whatever makes you happy and visible! and as always, thanks for everything you share! 😊

Growing up, I was a tomboy. I hated anything "girly" and rejected the presentation my family tried to force upon me. As I grew older and learned who I was, I also learned the world doesn't necessarily like people like me. I was genuinely scared of looking "too lesbian", as I was already being bullied for being me. In my early 20s, having spent my life being scared of being perceived, I slowly became more and more femme presenting. At first I thought it would protect me from homophobia. Then I realized I was really resenting the "girly" things because we were brought up to see them as inferior. This stuff has layers! In my mid-late 30s, I'm a "tough" femme. I will do all the "masculine" things in my frilly, patterned dresses. I will build, fix, drive, climb, all the things I was told as a chid that girls can't do, and I will do it looking femme af. I may be straight passing if you see me, but not if you MEET me. Femininity is great. I love femininity. I'm attracted to femininity and I also enjoy performing it. It's all a performance, so we can do whatever the hell we want! Also: I'm definitely a vintage lesbian.

Rupert staying in the background getting advanced queer studies education is fabulous

I read online that lesbians who were more interested in the fluff side of a relationship than sex were called, "bambi lesbians". As an asexual who likes women can we pleeeaasssee bring that back/make it official?

You're definitely a celesbian, Jessica.

I've heard the whole "gold star lesbian/gay" idea described as "purity culture for queers" and I really resonated with that

"Kindly understand that people's existence is not a point of debate". Wow. Not even a minute into the video and Jessica is being amazing as usual

Even before I realized I was a lesbian, I loved "borrowing" my ex-boyfriend's shirts, button-ups and hoodies. The love for these "men's clothes" mixed with some feminine clothing elements (e.g oversized button up, unbuttoned and matched with a V-neck spaghetti strap top) stayed way after I realized I was gay and breaking up with this guy, so I can proudly say, style-wise I'm an "ex-boyfriend's closet" lesbian lol

Fun fact from history and ligustics nerd: The term "tribade" comes form the act of tribadism, which is sex act that involves rubbing one's genital against other persons body, especially - but not limited to - their genitals. So it's a wider and kinda more realistic term than "scissoring" that comes from pornography and usually is used only for specifically tribing vulva-to-vulva with your legs interlocked, whereas tribadism includes any combination of genitals or body parts you want to rub against in any position.

It's worth noting that "stone" does have more than aesthetic connotations for folks too (at least historically- I feel like there might be a shift in meanings happening recently, at least in some circles)- it also includes preferences in intimate contexts.

Thank you for the statement about being trans inclusive and recognizing that there are trans folk who love women and use that title! I tend to use transbian or Sapphic trans woman to describe myself in queer spaces where I don't know if Lesbian will be a well received term when referring to myself.

I think if we were naming feminine lesbians after the most feminine, most lesbian, person now they would have to be known as 'Jessicas' not 'Marjorys'!

"Sexual History and Sexual Behavior do not equate to sexuality" LOUDER AND MORE OFTEN FOR THE BOOMERS IN THE BACK swear to god my mom thinks u have to have sex with the same gender to know if u like women or not when THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS

As an activist since the 70's and a language & queer history lover - fab video. In Australia we also had the term camp for both male & female homosexuals - "camp as a row of tents" - camp also meant a flouncy, effeminate gay man or obvious "gay" presenting people. In 1971 CAMP was used as the acronym for Campaign Against Moral Persecution, a political rights group fighting for decriminalization among other issues affecting the LGBTQI community. I was involved with both Gay Liberation & Women's Liberation (from 1970 as a baby dyke) & the first Mardi Gras parade in 1978 in Sydney. A "78'er" is now the highly recognised term - even outside our community ( general public) for us. Had the privilege as a youngster to meet older suffragettes (knew the Pankhursts etc !) & many older LGBTQI people who gave me insights in their lives in the 1920's, 30's, 40's & 50's. Culture, language & history is something to be both preserved & celebrated. Again thank you for presenting such a delightful contribution to our vibrant & sometimes painful history.

This video is so helpful for this little baby lesbian! I live in a conservative area and haven't been able to find my own community yet, so this helps me feel like I'm learning and being a part of the community.

Your definitions of “stone butch” and “high femme” are different from how I have heard them being used. In my experience, people use them to describe sexual activity boundaries/preferences.

I'm Gen X. My lesbian musical icons are the Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge, k.d. lang, and Tracy Chapman, among others. I've seen the first three in concert. Definitely peak sapphic culture for my generation.

The "gold star" nonsense is the reason it took me so long to find my lesbian identity. I tried SO HARD to be bi because I thought no lesbian would want me because I'd been with men. I literally spent half my life wishing I could be a lesbian only to realize OH YEAH, I am one. Thank you for validating people like me. ❤

As a demisexual trans lesbian, I really appreciate your continuing support of trans people within the community. Thank you so much. I’ve never felt invalid in my identities or excluded because of them while watching your channel. That has meant a lot, especially as I’ve been coming to terms with my identity over the last six months, so thank you!

Thank you for touching on the Gold-Star term in the way that you did. It helps me feel including as a bisexual, omnisexual, and Two-Spirited woman whom has dated both sexes.

Who else wants to see Jessica in a (vintage) suit? Perhaps a fedora. I get Marlene Dietrich vibes... And you had fun with this one! 😄

I love that the covert lesbian question has usually been surrounding popular interests; today we say ‘do you listen to Girl In Red?’ but in the 1940s we asked ‘are you a friend of Dorothy’s?’ after The Wizard Of Oz and the way that lesbians had to live in secret, basically hidden in another world. Yet it was also safe to say in mixed company, because straight people would just wonder who Dorothy was.

My most profound insight came from Miss Manners of the Washington Post. She was asked about what to say when introduced to a same sex couple in a social setting. She suggested “How do you do? And how do you do?”

also, for every queer person out there who feels pressure to put themselves in a specific label to feel like they belong in a community, you don’t have to!! the beauty of the LGBTQIA+ community is that we understand how every person is unique and no one fits in the patriarchal system we have in most places of the world. if you don’t feel like you belong 100% in any of these names, it’s perfectly okay!! you don’t have to limit yourself!! we’re all ever-changing and should never label ourselves if it doesn’t feel right :)

definitely wish you went into to explain how terms like butch femme stud & stem aren’t just an aesthetic thing; but a whole relationship dynamic among lesbians with its own culture & place in history… but that can probably be a whole other video on its own right? hehe either way, this brightened my day!! always love cozying up & tuning in to your videos ^ . ^

I got really excited about Stem- I thought it was something about the academic androgynous-but-not-really lesbian look- but I appreciate the correction and clarity! Also, I like the futch scale, even if I have no clue where I fall on it, other than in the middle. I present low femme with cottagecore vibes, or sort of masc vintage; think Rosie the Riveter...

I've been told that as a bisexual woman, I'm not allowed to use "femme" because it's exclusively for lesbians, despite the documented history of bisexual women existing in the same spaces and sharing many of the same experiences as lesbians. However, I strongly fall under "sapphic" and "WLW", so this video makes me feel more confident in using the words that have always fit right for me!

In Finland lesbians are sometimes called "bats" or "bat women". And Batman's symbol is used as a lesbian symbol too! The Finnish word for a lesbian is "lesbo" and for a bat "lepakko". Many old dismissive or offensive terms used for women have "-kko" ending - for example "hupakko" and "venakko". To be honest I'm not sure how much of an insult it has ever been. It fits too well with stories about lesbian vampires and jokes about gaydar and echolocation!

TY 😢 I'm a "late bloomer". I appreciate what you said about gold stars. ✨️ The second a woman learns that I was married to a man for 15 years, they 🏃‍♀️ . It has only gotten worse because it has been so many years since I divorced my ex. No one wants to be someone's first at my age. 😢 One would think that my absolute refusal to even consider dating a man in nearly 16 years would say something. I wish they would at least try to get to know me. I try to tell myself that this is birthed from personal experiences and the pain it caused, but there's definitely an anti bisexual and late bloomer lesbian bias/discrimination in the LGBT community.

I was super nervous opening this video when I saw stemme in the title, so thankful you made it known it’s a black only term! It grinds my gears when white lesbians use stemme and so this is much needed education from our gay elders to our new gay sisters!!!

I've always wondered if the stereotype about lesbians moving in together and becoming engaged after three or four dates and a month of being together might be related to the *other* stereotype of lesbians mutually pining after each other and refusing to make the first move until either forced into it by exasperated mutual friends or the heat death of the universe, whichever comes sooner.

I ID a baby queer or baby lesbian. Mostly because I am in my head cishet, but married to a (trans) woman who came out late in life. I love her. I'm learning lesbian/queer culture, and I pass for Lesbian, but my head is still confused.

as a nonbinary femme lesbian, thank you for your inclusion of us! it really means a lot

I'm aro/ace, disabled ,and my label as ✨COMFY✨ 😂🤣😂 Ahahaha! And I identify as anything but he/him (I'm not super happy about being a woman, but I'm not dysphoric enough to be upset about it. I kind of see myself as an indifferent amorphous agendered blob. And the idea of being male makes me wanna hurl, icky ew, no thanks lol)

I’m just a boring heterosexual, lol. Please for give my ignorance. But I want to say thank you so much for explaining what I clearly had no clue about. I want to understand so I don’t make a mistake and offend anyone and I truly do want to learn and understand. So, I do appreciate all the information you’ve giving on the LGBTQ+ community. I throughly enjoy your videos. 😊

Hi, hard femme here. We hard femmes are decidedly femmes, but with an edge. We may favor pink Doc Martens over heels, or we might pair cute dresses with spiked motorcycle jackets. (I've paired sequins with bullet belts, on occasion.) We like piercings and tattoos and we match our lipstick accordingly. We like knives. When we go casual, we might wear cut-up band t-shirts or, just as likely, t-shirts with feminist slogans--paired with ripped-up tights and denim miniskirts. We look up to Wonder Woman and Poison Ivy for inspiration. We like in-your-face activism. We can kick ass when need be--whether that be metaphorical or, in some sad cases, literal. Jean Cochrane, the musician, goes under the name Hard Femme, and she wrote an eponymous song that is absolutely anthemic to us. If you see a lesbian who's both cute and a bit intimidating, she might be hard femme. But if you get to know us, you'll find us warm and welcoming of our queer/trans family, however they identify. (To be clear, not all hard femmes meet every characterization above. I'm tattoo- and piercing-free, myself. But this should give you an idea of the forms we take.)

I thought a "celesbian" referred to astrology lesbians for a minute there 🤣 Celestial Lesbians! It makes sense, back me up 😂

Me, a futch lesbian and a drag king: "I feel seen" thank you so much for this video

I consider myself a library lesbian (no...I don't know if there are others). I love the slightly dowdy librarian aesthetic...the more vintage the better. And I wear flowy dresses and comfy things. I spent my 20s and early 30s doing period costuming (like...earlier than 1900). Also #ActuallyAutistic. I love this video and your pure joy at discussing lesbians.

im a white transbian mathmatician, so when i saw "stem" in the title, i thought, oh! thats me and i was thinking: "Someone, instead of looking masculine, or femmenine, they want to look academic instead) And this video luckily proved my quick assumption incorrect

I describe myself as a "longing lesbian" since I am a HOPELESS romantic and single, so I don't know where to put my love.. But I feel so seen and accepted with this video!! I realized quite late that I'm a lesbian, due to always being told and showed that I "had to like men"... I remember googling a lot about being gay AND writing to anonymous chats about being in love with my best girl-friend in hope to feel accepted....... and oh my, I feel so whole and like myself now that I came out some years ago. Jessica your videos has definitely helped me figuring out and opening up to my family and friends. Thank you!!

"... Because as you can imagine, things were quite hectic" the way you delivered that line was hilarious! Great video. Love the history ❤️

i'm a dr. martens, vans loving, nonbinary, pansexual, stemme, it's so funny and liberating to let myself identify with this, ass a baby-everything

right out the gate, the best definition of the word lesbian i think i have ever seen/heard. being fluid myself i feel like the nb community owes you so much gratitude in other news, i've learned glamour butch is a thing! i think that describes me perfectly, junior year theatre the director gave my character an adorable black suit as my sunday best with a red buttonup, which was the first time i think i've ever felt true euphoria. she even let me keep the outfit afterwards! i usually dress more casual since i just don't have the time to dress that nice on a daily basis, but it's always where i just feel the best about myself. ofc i have my more masc/fem days just by nature of being fluid, but i _always_ feel scrumptious with a nice androgynous look

Thank you for calling out the "gold star" lesbian nonsense! I've always hated that term.

My partner referred to me as 'low femme' today 😂

I am delighted to see you in such good spirits! Hope Claudia and you are doing well! I loved this video! While I watched I thought the poor historians, anthropologists, cultural study , and other scientists who'll have to sort all this out in a few centuries...! 😉 However, I bet, the one who finds your videos will write you a passionate dedication!😉

This was great! There were several terms that I had not heard of. (Thanks for the citation links, I will definitely be checking them out.)

I pronounce WLW like “Willow” - I read about this suggestion a few years ago, it reminds me of Willow from Buffy and there were other reasons as well that I don’t recall. But I think it’s a pleasant way to say it

Here I am sitting here, an old lesbian of 67 years. Came out when I was only 15 and it was before Gay Pride etc. I have to say, my heart is so full with the beautiful people who have come out after me - It fills my heart with so much hope and love to see all of you out there, whatever your identity, wherever your spirit takes you! I love you all! I am so glad to see you all there expressing your true selves as it should be. Thank you for explaining a lot of the terms that even I did not know! Learning is a life long endeavor! Sister you and your family rock!

In French, to say someone goes both ways, ie is attracted to and has relationships with both women and men, we say he or she is " à voile et à vapeur", literally meaning they are both " by sail and by steam".

thank you so much for creating such a safe space

Thank you for representing all and for educating! Much love!

I love your BSL videos, they're so helpful! I'm still a beginner and I find your videos so clear and just generally lovely! If you choose to make an updated queer sign video, I'll watch it.

Tribade references Tribadism, which is indeed a sex act and shouldn't be googled if you're under 18 lol

In my language, there is a general slang word "teplý/á, teplej, teplouš" used for gays, lesbians and bi people, which basically translates to "warm" and can be used both as a noun and an adjective. It has been used as a slander and only recently reclaimed (in a joking way, usually amongst "us, youngsters") by some queer people. But because it is such a commonly used word in my language, it creates interesting scenerios in everyday communication (for example, in Eclipse, when Jacob says to Edward: "I am hotter than you", in our version it is "Jsem teplejší než ty", which, especially to teens, sounds like: "I´m gayer than you". Thus, my fanfic stage began:D. But I wouldn´t reccommend using it as too many people still find it offensive and if you aren´t fluent in Czech and can´t get across the joking tone properly, some people will likely get pissed.

As a bisexual woman I appreciate whenever the terms Sapphic or WLW are used! 🥰

I’m amazed that I got to the bottom of the comments without seeing LP as a music recommendation.

I really appreciate your no nonsense allowed acceptance of trans folks. Thsnks for being great 🎉

Tribade comes from early 17th century French, or via Latin from Greek tribas, from tribein ‘to rub’. The word ‘tribade’ has such an interesting, and at times disturbing, history. The female category of the tribade was created by men for men (Thorsteinn Vilhjalmsson, The Tribadic Tradition: The Reception of an Ancient Discourse on Female Homosexuality). The word tribade hails from Greek antiquity. It was applied by men to women who they deemed too ‘masculine’ (unruly, unwomanly, ‘overly’ sexual, etc). The insult is exceptionally derogatory and sexual. The idea was that masculinized women were so masculine that they had to be engaging in genital rubbing/penetration with men and women using their enlarged clitorises (yeahhhhh D;). During later antiquity, the sexual associations of the word became female-exclusive and limited to female same-sex genital rubbing/penetration. Homoeroticism between women was characterized as a monstrous, laughable, and inept effort committed in lapses (or within the absence of) womanliness. The discourse of the tribade, unlike discourses on male same-sex sexuality that changed with the passing of time after antiquity, survived into modernity (Vilhjalmsson, The Tribadic Tradition). The term popped back up during the Renaissance and became the dominant discourse of female same-sex sexuality into the 19th century. The word tribade and all its associations were the dominant means of discussing female same-sex sexuality for the time period. Of course, during the French Revolution, the word tribade was thrown around too! Accusations of tribadism were levied at both noble and Revolutionary women, indicating powerful anxiety over women’s sexualities, as well as anxiety over the stability of class allegiances.

“The nineties might seem fairly recent…”. Yes, thank you for reminding me that I am not as young as I think, lol.

I find it refreshing that someone dares to put this in to words. ❤😊

What do you call a forced mother? 😂 I'm a panromantic ace who somehow ended up adopting a bunch of baby gays despite the fact I'm not very motherly at all. More like that grumpy aunt who will help you if she sees you struggling lol.

You are truly a delight and a gift to the community! Thank you for the love and encouragement your channel shines into the darkness of KZfaq. Converse, Vans, and heels. Edit: musical artist recommendation - Tegan and Sara

14:38 I Listen to Girl In Red now… I’d never heard of them but thank you so much for the reference! Having a flare up of chronic health issues and this video and some Girl in Red music got me through the laundry. ^_^. Cheers! 🏳️‍🌈

Such a delight to watch your videos. Thank you for sharing with such sunshine and enthusiasm. Really makes my day.

I don't remember which book store/publisher I follow on IG, but "bookseller" was code for lesbian, and they asked various members of their staff if they were a "bookseller."

Thank you for this video Jessica! You do an incredible job of explaining topics clearly and creating a safe space on your channel 🌈💕

I think I am non binary and bisexual. I was 100% in love with my straight best friend in high school. I was raised to think being gay was a choice so it wasn't a surprise to me to "choose" to be "straight". I've still only had relationships with men, both because i married young and i think my negative relationship with my mother is a factor. As to gender I would have fights with my mother when I was told I shouldn't like or do something because I was a girl. I would cry and say that I wanted to be a boy then. That was.... strongly discouraged. (Abuse) I've always really struggled with my femininity (which only got worse after my hysterectomy), and I've never felt right being called any of the feminine forms of my name. Honestly gender just has never been a factor for me much. There are times I feel feminine or masculine but mostly I just want to be comfortable. 😂

Thank you for including everyone it's nice that there are still some safe places :3

For music recommendations for women loving women I love “Eugene” by Arlo Parks. I don’t hear it talked about much, definitely worth a listen if you haven’t heard it.

I honest love how informative you are and explain things. You are so respectful with a touch of humor.

We make so many U-Haul Jokes. moved in together at half a year. She proposed at our one year anniversary at the same museum from our first date.

In germany there is a slur for butches, I haven't heard it in a while but maybe I just have the right community around me lol It is "Kampflesbe" which translates as warrior/Fighter lesbian. It means an aggressive and masculine lesbian. Edit: I am a sapphic but wasn't out of the closet during that time and am not a butch (it was used as a slur for any kind of lesbian)

7:52 omg! So sweet to hear Rupert ❤

Love your channel, I just came out of the closet over the past few years (identified as bi all my life but I was lying to myself, for many reasons), in my mid 40s (disabled with a spinal injury too so, lots of challenges), and after a whole lot of therapy I finally feel ready to get out and mingle, meet other gay women. I have no idea when my first date with a woman will be, but I feel like my future wife is out there somewhere. I was married to a man for a decade, and I want to be married again but to the right person this time, so I'm hopeful! But I'm also really, really scared, there was a reason i was in the closet for decades and it was a difficult process of figuring things out, and there is a world of hate against gay women out there and it makes me very nervous. But I'm not hiding anymore, and I appreciate your channel so much! *edit* Got to the end of the video, I'm a baby lesbian! LOL After turning 46 last week, I'm really happy to called a young anything, lol.

Love the energy as always! Some queer artists I like; Syd, Noah Finnce, Janelle Monae, Lil Nas X, Iniko

Lol I was always bullied for being a "butch lesbian" as a teen... but I had long hair, I wore makeup (not a lot, just some) and physically my boobs were/are enormous. I was physically and personally NOT butch hahahaha... I'm not fem/lipstick either. I'm sort of in the middle I think. I was insulted "dyke" as well. My sister, lesbian, has reclaimed that word but I simply can't. She wasn't bullied, I was. So makes sense. And interestingly, I'm only physically attracted to middle as well.

I want you to know that your cadence and tone is delightful, I am terrible with audio books but I'd listen to your audio books

From a frenchie here : tribade sounds familiar to me from today's French. I think "tribadisme" is used to mean "to be a throuple", even if it sound vintage and is used very specificaly. Thank you once again for those amazing infos and references ! I'm discovering "Dykon" and absolutely loving it. I can't believe I missed two of the videos you're mentioning that you did earlier. Gotta watch this immediately !! ✨

Doc Marten's were designed for comfort and support, (by an ex-paratrooper who had broken his ankle), in southern Germany after the War. Originally the biggest demographic wearing them were middle-aged German hausfraus who were often on their feet much of the day.

boy have I got some sapphic music recommendations for you folks 🫶🏻 The Scary B!tches (gothic punk), The Butchies (punk rock),Destroy boys (punk rock), King Princess (indie pop), MUNA (indie pop), Clario (bedroom pop), Young Miko (latin rap), Willow Smith (rock and alt RnB) and i have more but this is getting too long 😭

Hello and thank you for showing to all of us our diversity!

I'm a walking stereotype haha. I went on my first date with a woman in 2021. I did not go on a date with another woman after her. We became official on our 5th date and I've been with her ever since.

I think in Poland we only use "lesbijka" (pronounced like lesbeeykah). Some people say "lesba" which sounds shorter and tougher but is mostly used pejoratively. Also we use "gej" (gay) only as a noun for a gay man

Great video, and thanks for your trans supporting message at the start ❤❤ ..... and yes, I would love an updated sign video!!

The pure sugar you pour on "If you disagree, kindly understand that people's existence is not a point of debate" is delicious. ❤

I quite like the term Doe, as feminine bisexual woman. I’m not sure the history of the term but it seems to have been around for almost 8 years or so in my experience

I could write so much here, but I’ll just add the world of lesbian music and music festivals is long. I grew up in the ‘70s with my mom playing “Womyn’s Folk Music “ (in the US). This included such musicians as Chris Williamson, Holly Near, and Odetta. Later I listened to Ferron and Joan Armatrading, and of course in the ‘80s Melissa Etheridge cane to the mainstream, followed by sisters Teagan & Sara. There are a ton more and you could do an entire video on The Michigan Womyn’s Musical Festival among others :) Also, perhaps a video on lesbian separatists, which I don’t know if this exists anymore, but back in the day Mary Daly even wrote an entire feminist dictionary called the Wickedary! Thanks for the great historical video, keep going! ❤

I absolutely just love the line "Kindly understand that people's existence is not a point of debate." It's so awesome, and thank you for so inclusive!

Wow, going back to Ancient Greece! When you give a history lesson, you really do give a lot of information! Thank you for all you teach us!

Extremely educational!❤ even the surf shark ad was helpful.

Your inclusive introduction means the world to me. Thank you, thank you, a milllion times thank you! 💙💜🤍💜💙

My city has an amazing drag king troupe. I've seen them perform at gay bars, burlesque shows, and Rocky Horror - they have really unique and beautiful routines for everything.

I've stumbled across you a few times and I finally decided to give you a follow and check out a full length video. I'm so glad I did!!!!! You put a huge smile on my face tonight and I'll go to bed with happy thoughts on my identity. (I'm a butch non-binary lesbian! And I'm gonna start saying it loud and clear!)

Oh my gosh you read my mind! I was wondering this exact topic today ! Thank you!

Thank you for the educational video! ❤️ Since you mentioned Doc Martens shoes, I wear Doc Martens Oxford shoes at work. 😊 Love the part about Rupert being excited about Malaysia. ❤️