Bethany Beal on Girl Defined, God, and the gays (part 1)

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Bethany Beal on Girl Defined, God, and the gays (part 1)

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2 ай бұрын

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@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

Sorry for the bad video quality in parts! We had issues using streamyard with the wifi. Help us keeping making content like this AND see behind the scenes!✨ www.patreon.com/zelphontheshelf

@ozymandiaskingofkings621 2 ай бұрын

C'mon, don't call yourselves girlbosses. You deserve better than that.

@bekahgwen4984 2 ай бұрын

If you don't join the Patreon, you're going to miss all the behind the scenes chat we get to have. 😊

@ateenipeterson 2 ай бұрын

I really appreciate all four of you assuming the best in one another and holding space for honesty, love, authenticity, and vulnerability

@spicyvegan2 2 ай бұрын

yes it is rude

@katvelyte 2 ай бұрын

@@spicyvegan2 no its not, this video is incredible. its worth a few dollars if people have spare change.

@alejja10 2 ай бұрын

The amount of lore I have to explain to my boyfriend for him to understand how monumental this is 😭

@haileytrudgeon8344 2 ай бұрын

Very relateable

@brooke_reiverrose2949 2 ай бұрын

SAME

@lauracortes7720 2 ай бұрын

no stop because I just tried to do this to my boyfriend over text LOL

@sparkle_swordmouse 2 ай бұрын

Yep!

@flyfamille5671 2 ай бұрын

@lauracortes7720 yikes I hope he catches most of it

@mysiann 2 ай бұрын

This is what actually changes the world. This is what promotes growth. This is what our cold, hard hearts need to soften and warm to.

@embodyingmysticalmac 2 ай бұрын

My EXACT thoughts as I fist pump into the air hearing Bethany say “isn’t that what Jesus did?” Then talks about acceptance and love for all. What a shift and I am HERE FOR IT

@danielladaumler9027 2 ай бұрын

Beautifully said

@martinaj4571 2 ай бұрын

The quote I felt while watching but didn't know how to express ❤

@annascott-hinkle2367 2 ай бұрын

This video is so amazing thank you all for sharing this bit of your lives with random strangers online! ❤❤❤

@bebeenderson7863 2 ай бұрын

No one in my life would be able to understand how excited I am for these 4 girlies to link finally 😂

@larissam.2299 2 ай бұрын

Frrrrrr

@amibugxo 2 ай бұрын

My boyfriend said "Wow, this is your Super Bowl". So true.

@alwaysinspire 2 ай бұрын

Same!!!!

@morganadvantures 2 ай бұрын

It would take too much explaining 😂 like there’s no way this collab would be as exciting to anyone I know as it is to me.

@Suprachiasmatic 2 ай бұрын

@@amibugxo I just have to say how lovely it is that your bf gets you like that. 💙 that’s an awfully sweet thing for him to say.

@bradiedean7466 2 ай бұрын

As a former homophobic queer person and having seen Girl Defined's stances on queer issues in the past, hearing Bethany talk about what she would do if her kid came out and heading her say that she would love them and their partner 😭 I would have killed to hear my mother say this even before i knew. You have no idea how damaging hearing the opposite can be, so I'm happy for your kids to know that you truly will love them unconditionally bc that's so sadly not always the case. There's so much love in this video ❤

@mohanthegay4398 2 ай бұрын

same... what I would do to have heard that from my own parents!

@bryanaperry8760 2 ай бұрын

Same! I tried to articulate this, but you phrased it much better. A lot of people who know me now are shocked to find out I had really non-progressive views for honestly half my life. People do actually change their minds sometimes, and I think that should be encouraged.

@embodyingmysticalmac 2 ай бұрын

They’ve come so far and it’s genuinely heartwarming. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the love you deserve from your parents. You’re so valid and deserve to be loved for exactly who you are ❤

@MKUltra42 2 ай бұрын

I’m not even two minutes in to this and I want to just bawl. The growth and the love and how life changing this might be for baby gays and older folks who just needed to hear this. I can’t get over how amazing this is.

@julesaye 2 ай бұрын

Do you have a time stamp for me?

@FabricofTime 2 ай бұрын

As a person who started where Bethany is and had the luxury of deconstructing completely in private, I genuinely hope people who have wanted Bethany to give space to people to take their own journeys will allow Bethany to take HER own journey. She's a baby learning to walk right now. Neither shoving her down nor insisting she start dancing the tango immediately will be helpful on that journey.

@bekahgwen4984 2 ай бұрын

Perfectly said.

@keim1234 2 ай бұрын

Beautifully said! I have this (maybe parasocial?) sense that she has a good small support system with her husband and kids. Whatever she decides to do or wherever her journey takes her to, I feel she is supported. Coz it seems so crazy to change like this, in the public eye. Sm pressure 😢

@alicetoyou448 2 ай бұрын

@@keim1234it’s wild because since the Dav deconstructing vlog, Bethany and Dav look so genuinely in love for the first time. It’s like they can be themselves.

@emmelinesprig489 2 ай бұрын

1000% agree!!

@LoudLeo3 2 ай бұрын

Yes yes yes. Sometimes I am slightly horrified by my own behavior / beliefs in the before time and I didn’t have a KZfaq about it (and I’m sure I would have made one to apologize back in the day). I am so so impressed with her humility and emotional vulnerability

@amielwayne 2 ай бұрын

Bethy says "I'm probably not the ideal Christian, but..." But Bethany, that means you're becoming more *authentically* Christian. By letting go of the "ideal" image you've inherited from other people, you're finally getting the breathing room you need to show up as your full, honest, self. That's a prerequisite for any healthy relationship - whether with your spouse or with God. It can be painful to let go of that idea, especially when you've grown up in constant fear of not living up to it. But it's the bravest, truest thing you can do. 🙏

@YFL.111 2 ай бұрын

Yes exactly! I am not a christian but I believe in Jesus ( I am a hindu) . I believe she is closer to the actual teachings of Jesus and growing as a soul very much! Maybe outgrowing his parents and sibilings

@emyyyxx 2 ай бұрын

atheist here and i completely agree great comment friend

@sambailie4773 2 ай бұрын

So is Bethany now ok with gay? Surely you would explain you love your child but do not agree with their sexual orientation.

@zoedevvv 29 күн бұрын

This is so perfectly said

@shayloren7329 2 ай бұрын

This series of events has, no joke, made me reevaluate how I empathize with and love the people in my life who believe things I don’t. I have been so hurt by religion, I tend to be angry. (which is so valid.) But I want to do better at remembering people are humans, we are all trying our best. And the only way forward is connection, community, genuine curiosity, that’s how we beat hate :’) It was my relationships and love with people different than me that got me out of a cult. “The only thing I do know... is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind - especially when we don't know what's going on.” -Waymond, Everything Everywhere All At Once

@salyx 2 ай бұрын

Same. My anger is valid, but lately I’ve been examining whether or not it actually helps me. Sometimes it does, but most of the time it just makes me sick. Trying to figure out why people think the way they do has been really healing for me.

@kilgore_trout_37 2 ай бұрын

You are valid, your feelings are valid, and you don’t owe anyone your time or attention. If you are able to give it, though, in spite of all that- what a gift. ❤

@Sara-bd4tt 2 ай бұрын

Wow, I’ve been in the same boat. Religion has hurt me so bad but my anger is hurting me too. Thank you for sharing this. It’s nice to see that others are going through similar situations to me.

@lokiprime9108 2 ай бұрын

Dude same. I might not be angry, but I am extremely wary whenever someone tells me they're part of some organized religion. I am always afraid that I am not gonna be accepted for who I am (aka a gay trans man). I got hurt badly by people who claim to be deeply religious. Seeing someone like Bethany have this kind of character arc gives me hope.

@JanelleC 2 ай бұрын

Yeah, that still doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to stick around homophobic family who acts like LGBTQ ppl existing is offensive and something to shield their children from. Family who accuses LGBTQ folks of “grooming” children just by existing and not hiding. Being kind doesn’t mean subjecting yourself to toxic, willfully ignorant people’s company. 😐

@brooke_reiverrose2949 2 ай бұрын

“This is my break-out moment.” Bethany just declared her freedom from the high-control aspects of her religion. Just amazing.

@jadeelizaishere 2 ай бұрын

My therapist just told me to do some self care for myself tonight and oh boy is the self about to be cared for with the youtube crossover event of the decade 😩

@Emzwatches 2 ай бұрын

😂😂 love this

@lfrands 2 ай бұрын

I also love this for you 🥰

@ruliak 2 ай бұрын

Sending Bethy so much love, she has grown so much. People are allowed to be upset with her, sending her love is my own choice. Personally I really feel this deep forgiveness and redemption for her and I am excited for her and Dav's future. This is so awesome and I'm glad you all had a great time hanging out and chatting.

@earthfa333 2 ай бұрын

this makes me want to cry tears of joy

@arielrodriguez968 2 ай бұрын

I’m only 20 minutes in, but while I wouldn’t describe how I feel as angry per say, I would like some sort of acknowledgement that many of the beliefs that they pushed on Girl Defined were harmful and caused harm to real people. I don’t even need an apology, just some sort of recognition of harm. It just kind of sucks sometimes that as a lesbian, I often find myself having to shoulder the burden of being endlessly patient and understanding while the people around me with bigoted views learn to be better. It’s exhausting, thankless emotional labor and I think recognition of that labor once in a while would go a long way to making it easier to deal with.

@ruliak 2 ай бұрын

@@arielrodriguez968 Absolutely, she needs to continue to be held accountable and did very real damage. That's completely valid and I get where you're coming from.

@Namari12 2 ай бұрын

At 51:25 when Bethany asked Tanner what he would want Christians to know about queerness, my heart jumped--what a big, difficult question. I'm really impressed with how Tanner handled that because I don't know what I would've even said in that moment. But I've been thinking about it, and if Bethany or Dav are in the comments (if so, hello! Thank you for doing this!) or any other Christians are reading this, I think I would just say this: We're not a political movement, we're not a monolith, we're not coming for you or your faith. We're just people, trying to find happiness in the best way we know how, and we just want the freedom and the space to do that. When Bethany talks about how much she loves Dav, when they cuddle together and they're so happy and it's so beautiful to see... that's exactly how I feel about my wife. And I think if someone told Bethany that she and Dav "shouldn't" be together, maybe because they're of different faiths right now or for some other reason, she would know they're wrong because she knows how she feels with Dav is right and it's beautiful and it's good. That's exactly how my wife makes me feel, that's how I feel when I'm with her, we love each other, we're meant to be together. We're both women, but that's utterly besides the point. I would feel like less of a person if she wasn't in my life.

@brindmusicnerd 2 ай бұрын

So well said 💚

@ericagreene1579 2 ай бұрын

This is such a good response.

@ka8544 2 ай бұрын

This is so beautifully said. I appreciate that you reversed it and if someone told Bethany it was wrong to be with Dav of course she would know in her heart that it’s right to be with Dav. I hope she saw this comment.

@miriamlevenson9430 2 ай бұрын

okay having watched a lot of this now, i can truly say that what started out as your girl defined commentary has become one of the most honest, beautiful human relationships i’ve gotten to see on the internet. actually, thank you

@miriamlevenson9430 2 ай бұрын

as a progressive catholic who’s also been experiencing difficulty in some of my friendships lately due to political/moral issues, my heart goes out to bethany. i used to laugh at GD as much as the rest of us, but now i feel like we all have a lot to learn from her

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

😭💜💜💜

@ajmuda 2 ай бұрын

Agreed! This is so healing to hear for those of us that do not have people willing to have honest discourse in our life.

@embodyingmysticalmac 2 ай бұрын

To watch the journey is such a beautiful gift 😭😍

@Kiki-pr4cy 2 ай бұрын

It does make me cry to hear the cognitive dissonance come through in Bethany’s voice because I have been there. Some things she’s able to state confidently and firmly, but with the LGBTQ+ conversation you can hear her waffling and stumbling a bit more. It’s so hard to fit all those ideas in your head at once, wanting to love people and let them be who they are, but feeling like you have to defend your rule book is so hard.

@ChristopherSadlowski 2 ай бұрын

Well, yeah, because she's in the middle of a process. She's got decades of information to reprocess so we shouldn't expect her to be firm in much of anything at this point. We can see the trajectory she's on, even if she can't necessarily see it at this point since she's the central observer. I wonder if she's consciously or subconsciously aware she's deconstructing herself? I don't follow Bethany outside of the KZfaqrs I watch who talk about her, so she may have even publicly stated she's also deconstructing and I just haven't been made aware of that.

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

@@ChristopherSadlowski I think she called it "disentangling some beliefs" in her video with Dāv and not deconstructing her faith per se.

@emma2884 2 ай бұрын

@@Nelia2705she might have said both but definitely used the words "deconstructing some beliefs"

@WitchOracle 2 ай бұрын

@@ChristopherSadlowski I think she's scared of the word deconstructing because she is scared to lose the core of her faith (and a good deal of her community) but the process she is going through certainly resembles a type of deconstruction. I hope she finds peace with it.

@nonniperkl6273 2 ай бұрын

Well she comes from a high control group with heavy us versus them mentality. Thinking for yourself and creating values is hard work and most of us have decades of a head start

@sophiaec2607 2 ай бұрын

bethany being a relatable queen with stomach issues is so real

@dolfuny 2 ай бұрын

Just like me fr

@LS-qw3ez 2 ай бұрын

People clown on them, and while they’ve unquestionably done a lot of damage with their work, it takes HUGE strength to question deep beliefs and constructs like that, let alone publicly. Good for them. That’s how change happens-holding ppl accountable, then giving them room and grace to change rather than saying they’re irredeemable. They’ve done wrong, but they’re also victims of the systems they were brought up in.

@ephraimjohnson8146 2 ай бұрын

Hate is easy, love is work.

@ateenipeterson 2 ай бұрын

This

@kilgore_trout_37 2 ай бұрын

Pin this one ❤

@vcvcvc9216 2 ай бұрын

AND YOU BETTER WORK BITCH ❤

@AnneloesF 2 ай бұрын

Amen ❤

@morganadvantures 2 ай бұрын

Absolutely! 💯 and worthy work

@disco2200 2 ай бұрын

this is my roman empire

@sarawithoutanh8302 2 ай бұрын

😂

@GloballyGorgeous715 2 ай бұрын

Beyond truthful

@WestTexasGothic 2 ай бұрын

literally

@ayushisharma162 2 ай бұрын

For the first time I’m grateful for her Christian values to submit to her husband to lead the way. 💀

@LoudLeo3 2 ай бұрын

Yessssss

@Akristinaaa 2 ай бұрын

I'm so insanely proud of Dav & Bethany, but honestly, ESPECIALLY Bethany in the context of this video. Wow. She truly seems so confident and grounded. I'm so excited for her and what life has in store for her & her family. Ugh. She's so well-spoken and clearly has SUCH a deeply loving, empathetic heart.

@thevoid8948 2 ай бұрын

She hates queer people. She has no love in her heart.

@katie17330 2 ай бұрын

Same here! I'm so happy to see how exuberant and confident she is.

@gracetaylor6309 2 ай бұрын

Literally can we have the number of her Christian counselor lady in case WE want to be super grounded?! Bethany if you read this feel free to pop a link to her page.

@natashaburton7922 2 ай бұрын

This is what Paul and Morgan thought their “24 hours with” would be

@CharlesPayet 2 ай бұрын

Isn’t it amazing though, what that video led to?????

@user-by2bu3pv4e 2 ай бұрын

Yes and it was disappointing at best

@llt8101 2 ай бұрын

Maybe they could meet with people further from what they are, as well and then it could be.

@kalmarr120 2 ай бұрын

Biggest crossover since Avengers Endgame!

@petsmart1000 2 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂 aww hell no!!!

@blossomqueerie2284 2 ай бұрын

Nah this is even bigger than that! 😂 💜

@heather2185 2 ай бұрын

Bigger

@scamp.rascal 2 ай бұрын

this is marvel and DC watch the watchmen

@nerfherder6166 2 ай бұрын

I was thinking the Invasion arc from 2001 when WWF bought WCW.

@ephraimjohnson8146 2 ай бұрын

The way im in the middle of a shroom trip and this is the video that popped up for me. Cosmic.

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

Ahhhhhh hahaha 💫💫💫

@gracetaylor6309 2 ай бұрын

Got home from an interfaith social justice thing to see this video was finally uploaded. Similar vibes. Cosmic.

@summer799 2 ай бұрын

I'm two bowls deep, and truly convinced this is the most magical conversation that has ever taken place in the history of mankind. Kids will read the transcript in their history books.

@rebeccacrow9427 2 ай бұрын

I really hope nobody in Bethany's community criticizes her because she is feeling a little bit disconnected from God. I, an atheist who was formerly Christian, sobbed hearing her talk about that part because of how genuinely emotional she got and how hurt and confused she sounded. I remember that feeling. Bethany, it is okay if your connection to God is coming from connection to others. ❤ When I was religious, that was when my faith was the strongest. I also have a lot of respect for how Bethany talked about her feelings on LGBTQ+ people, even if it wasn't what I necessarily hoped to hear going in and I don't agree with her. I actually think it is more important that I heard her actual answer. It was very mature and genuine, and it gave me a bit of a reality check. I'm a closeted lesbian who is grappling with the idea of when to come out to my Christian family, and I keep putting it off because I am so afraid of losing my family. I keep seeing them as the faith they believe, not the people they are. But I forget that they believe what they believe because of their life experiences, and they may one day come to understand me when they hear my experiences. Just like how Bethany is operating under her life experiences but is continuously growing and incorporating more nuance into her understanding of faith and Christianity. Even though I'm no closer to coming out because I'm a chicken 😅, Bethany has really inspired me to reevaluate my views on my family and how I want to approach coming out, and has been a constant reminder that people can surprise you. 😊

@einfachmalessen 2 ай бұрын

Cheering you on and keeping my fingers crossed that your family will surprise you in the best possible way when that day comes. ❤

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

It's not because you're not brave enough - it's self-preservation, looking out for yourself. You don't owe it to anyone to come out (or invite people in) sooner than you feel ready to do so. It is your life and your decision. Maybe, finding community elsewhere is enough for now - and that is perfectly fine. Wishing you all the best! ❤

@Trinniemon 2 ай бұрын

As a fellow closeted human, I relate so hard to your comment and we are perfect and valid no matter what 🩷🩷🩷

@laurenm3148 2 ай бұрын

Watching Bethany and Dav clearly fall in love with each other all over again in this video is, truly, extremely sweet and I'm really happy for them and the move toward positivity.

@Mads_L_M 2 ай бұрын

The joy I’m already feeling like 2 minutes in from hearing Bethany outright say she’s very much put thought into if her child was to come out one day, and that she would handle it with love and acceptance, because that alone feels like so much positive growth, and like something I don’t think anyone would have expected to hear from her just last year. Also, coming from someone who’s in a mixed faith relationship, I think seeing how they seem to be handling each other and themselves growing and changing as both individuals and as a couple is really refreshing and kinda healing ngl.

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

Yeees!

@Skylar2037 2 ай бұрын

This was amazing. I appreciated Bethany specifically asking Tanner to speak to her more conservative audience from the perspective of a queer person. It showed in practice the love and empathy she has that she spoke about earlier, particularly despite the context of her beliefs.

@elsbells27 2 ай бұрын

This video was so moving. I'm wondering if anybody else feels icky at the implied notion I keep reading online that Bethany is "so close to catching up" to people like myself who have fully deconstructed and left Christianity/mormonism/church/etc. It feels condescending but I can't explain why? Her love for God seems so genuine that I'm almost rooting for her to find a way to reconcile her Christianity and relationship with God with her new awareness and open-mindedness. I wasn't able to reconcile the two, but often envy those who have been able to maintain their faith after deconstructing. Bethany, thank you for your vulnerability and courage! I'm rooting for you big time

@sfroio 2 ай бұрын

I agree! I think allowing someone to deconstruct in their own way on their own timeline is important. When we expect someone to deconstruct in the same way we did or according to our expectations, it is toxic and often does more harm than good. Loving and supporting someone through deconstruction with kindness and humility is so important.

@tbstoller 2 ай бұрын

I agree, too! I remember being where she is now on LGBTQ issues. Her decision to be kind, respectful and loving creates dissonance now, and she will likely have to eventually reject her earlier teaching. She may find like-minded church and remain a Christian. It’s up to her.

@petrichorbones 2 ай бұрын

i agree, i didn't officially announce to myself or the world that i was leaving christianity (well, im not "out" to family about it but yk) until i was 26 and even that felt like i was wayyyy late and behind bc i had known people who left when they were 16. but we all have different lives, so of course our experiences and journey's will be different. i imagine being a public figure where christianity is a core aspect of your online presence also complicates things just in general. also there are "progressive" (in quotes bc idk if thats the correct or generally accept label) christians who affirm lgbt rights so i definitely don't think she or anyone even has to leave behind their faith to recognize the humanity in everyone else. i really feel like belief in god isn't usually the issue, its everything else that people try to put into it. i may have decided that i don't believe in the god i used to but that doesn't mean other people can't believe in him and also be lgbt or accept lgbt people. in fact i really have a lot of respect for people of any religion (particularly those that traditionally reject lgbt) who hold onto their faith while also accepting lgbt people or realizing they themselves are queer too. i think its totally necessary for religious people especially to change the way the general ideas of their faith translate these issues, because religion is also part of the human experience and its not going anywhere but we can certainly try and deconstruct the harmful aspects of it and reframe the way we deal with matters of faith and gender and sexuality. my queer christian and muslim friends especially i feel like show us a glimpse of that future.

@catie5939 2 ай бұрын

am i going to CRY? is this going to make me cry?? I'm so oddly proud.

@ateenipeterson 2 ай бұрын

I swear I did not realize we commented the same thing bcbdjjeke great minds think alike haha

@vcvcvc9216 2 ай бұрын

Literally I watch so much Zelph, KZfaq has been pushing this video on me since the moment it came out.. but it doesn’t understand, I had to EMOTIONALLY PREPARE for this lol.

@djk5v 2 ай бұрын

Me too, and I’m only 20 minutes in. It takes so much awareness and work to do this. I’m very hopeful since she keeps saying Girl Defined might go in a different direction. I’m wondering if she’ll eventually go the Josh Harris route trying to undo her writings. I’m not against people being religious, but if she became progressive, that would be great.

@embodyingmysticalmac 2 ай бұрын

You’re not the only one. Happy tears from me too ❤

@earthfa333 2 ай бұрын

in this case, the saying is reversed... "you either die the villain, or live long enough to see yourself become the hero" ☆ [edit: omg??? ty for all the likes!!]

@scarlettredding 2 ай бұрын

Love this 💓

@JayPee575 2 ай бұрын

Legitimately loving her growth and how open and real she has been

@bryanaperry8760 2 ай бұрын

I honestly love that for them.

@earthfa333 2 ай бұрын

@@bryanaperry8760 me too. all people are capable of change!! but not many of us are willing to be uncomfortable enough to do so. this is huge!!!

@eggs1249 2 ай бұрын

if all christians were this compassionate we'd all be chillin right now

@megandanielle7862 2 ай бұрын

I hope that this is how you experience Christians in the future. Christ filled compassion ❤

@margotrobinson943 2 ай бұрын

@@megandanielle7862 I don’t associate Christ was Christians at this point. Just bigotry, hate and judgment.

@donaminta 2 ай бұрын

bethany and dav were ABSOLUTELY not compassionate in the past, to be clear. but i hope this does lead to more empathy in their future.

@pennamealias 2 ай бұрын

I am so proud of Bethany for stepping outside of everything she has ever known and appearing much more authentic and just happy. Sam and Tanner... you guys are the best support people with no judgment. You are both truly inspiring ❤ And, as always, Dav is awesome.

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

@sophiaec2607 2 ай бұрын

I'm so intensely proud of Bethany for this. I'm a lesbian and have admittedly grown tired over the years of explaining my existence to people, and had gotten to a point where I felt really quite cynical about the world. But this video has genuinely touched me in such a profound way, I feel like it's reinvigorated my hope in humanity's ability for acceptance. I've always believed empathy can save us from the depths of anything, and this is such a testament to the power and beauty of human empathy 🥺💯 I feel so much gratitude and love for all of you, thank you for this ❤

@joshuagies4900 2 ай бұрын

♥️

@andraste6746 2 ай бұрын

Who knew Bethany Beal would be part of so many of us feeling positive about the benefits of conversation and acceptance.

@juniperusvloggus 2 ай бұрын

Bethany is genuinely braver than I can imagine. It’s so tempting to withdraw so hard when going through this process because of how turbulent and terrifying it is but here she is putting everything out in front of everyone. Willing to be wrong publicly, willing to show new growth and vulnerability publicly is absolutely wild to me.

@ClueFinderDirtDigger 2 ай бұрын

The part where Bethany got emotional talking about feeling distant from God lately… that cut deep. I know exactly what feeling she’s talking about. The form of Christianity she and I were both raised in teaches that if you feel distant from God, it’s most likely your own fault - because you have too much sin, doubt, or distraction in your life. It took me a long time to unlearn that belief (boy does it feel wonderful to have that chapter behind me now), and I hope she’s on her way to a more peaceful, rooted, liberated place in her spiritual journey, wherever it takes her. 💕 So inspired by her and Dav’s bravery and compassion throughout this whole process.

@Akristinaaa 2 ай бұрын

This video was insanely well-planned and handled with so much respect and care. It's so evident that both parties are so interested in & empathetic towards each other's views. So refreshing and SO encouraging, ugh. ❤️ Beautiful job everyone. I'm loving every word.

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

😭😭🤍

@kidakaen 2 ай бұрын

I never could have guessed this would be the Bethany we would all get to see. She acted with such grace and vulnerability in this interview and it’s really touching to see this authentic, thoughtful side of her. Her love and tenderness for Dave is so clear. I hope we get to see more of this authentic Bethany.

@isabelee7262 2 ай бұрын

i really needed this. i used to watch girl defined as a form of emotional self harm and i justified it by saying that im just doing it to learn how to refute their arguments. over the past few months though, ive grown to see that Bethy is just a person and she’s been harmed just as much by christianity as i have. fundie fridays and you guys have helped me to rehumanize girl defined and see that bigotry is also harmful to the bigot. this is so so so healing

@liv-bv3pl 2 ай бұрын

Tanner is so well spoken in emotional moments and hearing him share about his life with Bethany felt really important. Thank you for this❤

@queenmotherhane4374 2 ай бұрын

OMG-I’m 71 and have high blood pressure and this was the last thing I was expecting to see on Zelph! Way to rock, you guys!

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

Hahaha 💜💜

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

I hope you're fine and can enjoy all of it without worrying too much about your heart ❤

@felixmae9201 2 ай бұрын

Just four natural blondes healing the trauma of thousands in real time 🙏🏻

@CheeseCake5990 2 ай бұрын

Wow - not even 10 minutes in and I just have to say Bethany's groundedness and bravery to sit with questions and discomfort is amazing!

@spookygreg 2 ай бұрын

Hi Dav, I’m a trans man and I started my social transition at 15 and hormonally at 17. I’m now “fully” transitioned as an adult. I would not have survived those years if I wasn’t my truest self. I was hospitalized and given intensive intervention in the years leading up to my ability to come out and eventually find acceptance. There’s also research showing that regret rates are actually really low. The vast majority of trans kids and teens who grow up and detransition as an adult still internally identify as transgender - the world just really makes it hard to be trans, so the number one and two reasons for detransition relate to transphobia socially and economically (getting a job/housing/healthcare). Most people who detransition as adults did not have any medical interventions. So I personally support trans kids being themselves, and when they’re ready to take the next step and the psychological and medical professionals agree, I support even medical interventions (blockers and eventually hormones which can help kids avoid some surgeries many trans people want later on). Kids and teens who aren’t allowed to be themselves have super high rates of not making it to adulthood. It takes a community to make the world safe for these kids and teens, so we should support them.

@Sarah-ty5ev 2 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing 🫂

@bulletsandbracelets4140 2 ай бұрын

I'm glad you shared this! I noticed that comment and hope he's still looking into it. I wish people would separate trans treatment, which requires a legitimate diagnosis and medical process right now to access, from cosmetic surgery on minors. I think conflating those two things is what makes even liberals/progressives reflexively defend being "skeptical" when all that does is lead to harm and lack of access for the treatments people need to live fulfilling lives. We absolutely should be encouraging kids to be more comfortable in their bodies. We absolutely should be preventing kids from getting unrealistic ideas of beauty, having cosmetic surgery before they are ready and understand the consequences, and wanting to change things about themselves because society is pressuring them to. Trans care isn't that, and it's frustrating that people not only equate that, but take it a step further and refuse to look at other procedures. They focus on hormone blockers instead of plastic surgery, but make it seem like hormone blockers are the thing that involves actual surgery on the body. Society isn't pressuring kids to be trans. It is pressuring them to be cis.

@HardNigga-tr4uy 2 ай бұрын

There are soooo many detransitioners, and I haven’t heard a single detransitioner that still identifies as trans. Most of them have ruined their bodies for life. Amputated peens, breasts, mutiliated genitals, hormones, and so much more like the grafting of chest plates and such. Absolutely barbaric. All pushed by medical professionals starting as children under 18. Disgusting 🤮

@spookygreg 2 ай бұрын

And since you’re probably reading comments, if you read this one again: openly apologize for the harm you’ve perpetuated - especially as it relates to the message you’ve spread about purity culture, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and other bigotry. You’ve groomed a lot of young girls into believing this message. You’ve made a lot of money off manipulating them and teaching them your bigotry. Take accountability and use your platform to do better.

@lydiatheglimmermaid 2 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this 🫶🏼

@kemaila 2 ай бұрын

Bethany has shown immense growth. I admire her grace and vulnerability in this complex conversation. I cannot be more shocked by her humility in the best way. These messy girl bosses figuring it out has restored something in me, like many of the others who have experienced religious trauma have also said here. It has made me want to embrace compassion and love. This is healing joy.

@colettefriesen6801 2 ай бұрын

Ahh you guys. This video made me so happy. Two and a half months ago I binged your channel one weekend and went from being a struggling evangelical Christian to non-religious in the span of a week. Your ability to love, I think, was the final straw that allowed me to leave religion. I saw in you both the peace that passes all understanding that I so desperately wanted (but could not find) in Christianity. Thank you so so much for what you do and who you are, it truly does change lives.

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

Wow, thank you so much for sharing that, that is so so wonderful to hear 😭💜💜💜💜💜

@pheobustheplant7045 2 ай бұрын

Dav and Bethy are so in love, I'm so happy both of them are finding a more fulfilling perspective on life, deconstruction is so incredibly hard

@nonniperkl6273 2 ай бұрын

Fr, to love and be loved like is the dream isn’t it?

@tristanbussiere3668 2 ай бұрын

I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like this before. Thank you for making this. I can really relate to Bethany’s feelings about God. It zapped me back in time 10 years to when I was first unlearning a lot of evangelical teachings that hurt me… it’s so raw. Thank you all for sharing this with us.

@CallmeMelinanow 2 ай бұрын

I’m sorry, to comment more than once, but this is so healing, and beautiful to hear. Only you guys could have had this interview. ❤

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

🥲💜💜💜

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

Actually, commenting more often is good for content creators (pushes the algorithm which in turn pushes their channel which helps them pay their bills 😊). Also, the more people see this video the further positive change might spread 😊

@mjaqq 2 ай бұрын

Merry Christmas everybody the day has arrived

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

Glory to the newborn content king!

@kissykay07 2 ай бұрын

It’s a Christmas miracle!

@felixmae9201 2 ай бұрын

Thank you dear sweet baby spaghetti monster 🍝🛐

@abigailwood-bodley5205 2 ай бұрын

There were so many things about this video that I loved. But the love and respect that you have for each other came through in a really palpable way, and I’m so grateful that this conversation exists on the internet.

@danielledye97 2 ай бұрын

Not gonna lie, this video really healed something in me. My family has handled these kinds of discussions terribly, so seeing the way you all interact really models genuinely charitable discourse and understanding. I didn’t think I’d need this video, but I guess I did. Thank you for this!

@plantlady7394 2 ай бұрын

😂 Sam yawning while Tanner asks an interesting question (“what do you pray about?”) What a lovely conversation. It sounds like Bethany was very open to learning, reflecting and growing. I really appreciated her saying “we as christians need to listen more” in discussing Tanner’s lived experiences as a queer person.

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

UNRELATED TO ANYTHING HAPPENING OK just a sleep deprived weekend 😅

@showcrazy2139 2 ай бұрын

I'm an exmo, so I don't pray anymore, but I thought it was so beautiful when Tanner asked her what she prays about.

@mimi-jr7oz 2 ай бұрын

I can’t express how hard this hits. I left a fundamentalist church (my dad was the leader of) after he died. Before he died he told me I would be disowned if I ever strayed away. Sometimes I just imagine a world where my dad changed his mind or grew in the way where he came to learn that love was more important. Maybe I can’t have that in my real life but I take such healing from this. Healing so many broken hearts and giving us hope for the next generation.

@hkandm4s23 2 ай бұрын

Aw, how wonderful. I'm a therapist and it's been lovely to watch their journey. Whether or not someone ends up fully deconstructing, it's important to examine the scripts in your head and learn to have authentic conversations with loved ones that aren't dictated by perfectionism. Bethany discussing her shift in how she interacts seems like she's finally letting go of those scripts. So many people raised in religion hold on them, even in their marriages. It's wonderful to watch her growth.

@mistakenlymidwest2460 2 ай бұрын

Sheltered in place for a tornado and this video is the only thing I can think about

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

Gah! Sending love!

@earthfa333 2 ай бұрын

be safe ❤❤❤

@carolinedoctor1246 2 ай бұрын

hey! I’m in wisconsin and just went through the same thing 🙈 I’m from the south so this was my first real tornado warning, hope you’re safe wherever you are @mistakenlymidwest2460 ❤

@Allie3000-uu6jc 2 ай бұрын

Stay safe!

@katiehensley290 2 ай бұрын

Please let us know that you got through it okay ❤

@Schu0086 2 ай бұрын

My god this was really wonderful. It’s clear there is still a lot of processing and work going on with Bethany and Dav both, but this makes me very hopeful. I do hope she gets away from this “love the sinner, hate the sin” (or maybe ‘ignore the sin’ in her current headspace), but it’s clear that she has been emotionally touched by this experience. And the group hug… 🥰

@salyx 2 ай бұрын

Exactly this.

@powderandpaint14 2 ай бұрын

She'd still love her son if he were gay and welcome him into their home! I know this is a non issue for most of us, but for her with her background I'm just so pleased her kids will grow up in a more loving, accepting environment.

@viy2959 2 ай бұрын

I think a lot of people miss how huge that is for someone like her to be able to say. Especially say it out loud and so publicly.

@cygnelle1232 2 ай бұрын

I am astounded that a video like this even exists, let alone all the lore and backstory leading up to it. This is an absolute masterclass in finding common humanity. Wow, guys. My heart is bursting. You are all incredible 💖

@glendabeiler8062 2 ай бұрын

Omg no I never want this to be over. I will always remember where I was in this exact moment and I will always wish I could watch it for the first time again. This is a sacred moment. Shitting my pants

@pollyxo8758 2 ай бұрын

The last sentence sent me

@margotrobinson943 2 ай бұрын

“This is a sacred moment. Shitting my pants” is an iconic quote tbh

@christahewitt2758 2 ай бұрын

Collective shitting our pants for this sacred moment 💩👖

@brooklynparkse 2 ай бұрын

EVERYONE REMAIN CALM!

@alexandrac591 2 ай бұрын

AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!

@kellyann3292 2 ай бұрын

TOO LATE

@amyharris1908 2 ай бұрын

Bethany continues to handle these conversations with such grace and humility in a way that softens my heart to Christianity (which I’m pretty hardened to due to my upbringing). Seeing her and Dave grow closer during this tumultuous time does something to my heart that I can’t explain 🥺 *faith in humanity restored*

@gracetaylor6309 2 ай бұрын

Bethany being a relatable queen crying over how amazing life is at any given moment.

@auttosave7320 2 ай бұрын

+ tummy issues 🥲

@aprilshighfantasysoul5891 2 ай бұрын

On Bethany's point at the end there, about her feeling that her god was distant: when I left the church and started to think about things on a spiritual level again and trying to figure out what I felt divinity was (or if there even was divinity), I settled on the idea that the divine is in all of us, connecting us. Our individual acts of kindness and love are divine. We're social creatures and every time we come together in community - either as a group or just one on one - it's an act of divinity. It's kind of a take on 'christ lives in our hearts' where that power of the divine isn't sequestered in some distant all-powerful being far away from us, it's already within us and every single person we meet. It's our job to let that spark of divinity out to help others and connect to them. Really, it's like that quote from Gandalf in the Hobbit movies: "Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love." The divine isn't some massive show of power, it's everyday acts from normal people - that's what the divine is to me.

@Lucifersfursona 2 ай бұрын

Oh hey that’s how I experience divinity too ❤ when I call things holy or reference holiness I’m talking about this

@katiehensley290 2 ай бұрын

That's beautiful

@donttrustthefey3777 2 ай бұрын

YES!

@shellyp_va4047 2 ай бұрын

That quote 🙌🏽🔥!

@musich1024 2 ай бұрын

Honestly I cried several times throughout this conversation. Bethany, if you're reading this: i am so proud of you. Keep up on this growth journey and don't ever let Dave go! 🤧 So beautiful to witness.

@Michelle-js5kh 2 ай бұрын

38:26 “we have missed the grace and love and compassion Jesus taught in a lot of ways” I AM SO PROUD OF HER

@ameliaweixler6976 2 ай бұрын

This is incredible! Amazing to see how much Bethany has grown! She is trying so hard to be more honest with herself and be less worried about being the person she thinks people want her to be.

@Ninipatiu 2 ай бұрын

This was not on my 2024 bingo card, but I am so happy for the free therapy session

@emmafallon9966 2 ай бұрын

i cannot WAIT for the fundie fridays commentary lol

@bekahgwen4984 2 ай бұрын

Oh, Bethany. 💔 I understand. So many of us understand. More than you know.

@3vaniamaria 2 ай бұрын

Help I'm not ready

@gracecashman1795 2 ай бұрын

WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED TO THE FLOOR WHEN I SAW THIS COLLAB IN MY FEED... IS THIS REAL?!

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

If you wanna get into the lore: start with zelph's video about the Barbie review ;)

@charityzimmerman4529 2 ай бұрын

Talk about rising to meet the moment. This was so good. The questions, the ability for all involved to listen and care about the answers. I'm so proud of all of you. Deconstructing is so freaking hard. I cannot imagine doing it in public. Kudos to both of you for rising to the occasion and starting a conversation that will hopefully continue. Just fabulous.

@bumblebean9845 2 ай бұрын

I was having a really hard day, this just made it so much better!!!

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

I hope this day is better than the last ❤

@bulletsandbracelets4140 2 ай бұрын

I am 2 seconds in and already yelling. Ilu guys, y'all (all 4) are incredible. Thank you so much for making tonight, I think a lot of us needed this.

@lizbates4531 2 ай бұрын

I greatly appreciate the nuance, patience, reflective listening, and empathy y'all extended to eachother here. I too was once a homophobic Christian, and through the kindness of people willing to meet me where I was at, I have released that painful and harmful constriction and am out as a non-binary, queer, independently spiritual person. My heart is the same. My heart, my whole life, as a christian and now on the other side, has been the same loving caring core of wanting peace and fulfillment for all... and I love that y'all articulate that experience so well.

@campbellc6981 2 ай бұрын

Bethany shows her goodness and bravery by her willingness to question a lifestyle that was so fundamental to her. Much love to all!

@ladybird5000 2 ай бұрын

talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

💋

@kaylamellas8638 2 ай бұрын

Sam, I loved when you said you wished you could have been there for Bethany when she was struggling. ❤️❤️❤️

@waifusaurusrex 2 ай бұрын

This video is so relatable and healing. I am crying at work. I don't have all the words to articulate the barrage of emotion but thank you for sharing this conversation with us.

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍✨

@YesiLaMorenita 2 ай бұрын

The way that everyone was holding space for everyone else🥹🥹🥹 this was so moving and beautiful.

@captainiceage3128 2 ай бұрын

This has got to be one of the most important videos in the deconstruction space right now! Thank you!

@bdermard 2 ай бұрын

cried through this whole convo, the four of you are just so genuine and its beautiful

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

😭💖💖💖

@CharlesPayet 2 ай бұрын

This video & blossoming friendship have the potential to change a crazy big number of lives for the better. So beautiful!!!

@ateenipeterson 2 ай бұрын

Is this going to make me cry? It’s going to make me cry. I can’t wait in the best way 💕💕💕 Edit: it’s been 10 minutes and Bethany started crying about how incredible her life has become then I started crying and ugh. I just adore all of you

@oneshoej3 2 ай бұрын

It's so interesting seeing Bethany wrestle with the remnants of her antigay views around 30:00 - 37:00. She makes an analogy to her belief that single people shouldn't have sex, and gets a little teary-eyed thinking about how it seems cruel to say that a person who never marries should never have sex. I feel like she's working toward abandoning her antigay views. I hope she gets there. At 38:30 : "I think I've been afraid of grace, I've been afraid of loving people" This is illuminating -- she's actually becoming aware of how confining fundamentalist thought can be.

@Virginia-mh2kw 2 ай бұрын

I adored the part where you guys talked about this idea that someone doesn’t deserve love, compassion, empathy, respect, etc because of harmful views. The irony being so often people with these views are brought into having better understanding by allowing open conversations with people who extend them that love, compassion, and empathy.

@Nelia2705 2 ай бұрын

Yes, this! ❤

@lanaegun41020 2 ай бұрын

Bethany really needed to be heard and to be in the presence of authentic people and you gifted her that. Keep going Bethany and Dav❤

@lexierhea8920 2 ай бұрын

Hearing Bethany describe the way she would love her son if he was gay & even open her arms to his partner was monumental in my opinion. I grew up in a home full of actual hatred toward LGBT people. I don't mean "love the sinner, hate the sin", I mean simply "hate the sinner". My parents used homophobic slurs, consistently taught me how disgusting gay people were and truly seemed to get some kind of pleasure from talking about them going to hell. All of this from a strict, evangelical home. I know that for many, there's nothing Bethany could say that would make them have compassion for her. This certainly won't be enough. And I am not LGBT, so I understand my privilege there. But I have to say...if my own mom ever said anything close to what Bethany said in this video, I would be so unbelievably happy and proud of her. For me, coming from the background that I did, its incredible just to hear someone express they'd love their gay child and welcome them. No matter what, loving your child unconditionally is amazing and it warms my heart to hear Bethany say this. You guys are doing a beautiful thing here. Please don't let any hate stop you. ❤

@nicklj2480 2 ай бұрын

My household was similar growing up. I’m glad I was able to slough that belief.

@montrealderogatory 2 ай бұрын

I am so so here for the growth from everyone involved here. it’s so great to hear how retrospective, analytical, and truly intelligent that Bethany really is. And it’s cool how she has found a way to be true to her beliefs and core values while also finding so much nuance.

@420girl4life 2 ай бұрын

I am truly moved by this conversation. I could listen to Dav talk all day long. He's incredible.

@abbywolf9701 2 ай бұрын

Currently shitting my pants over this

@ThisIsMeMorgan 2 ай бұрын

I have been in the same place that Bethany has been. I hope that if anything she does stay open minded and not focused on other people’s behavior. I hope for the best for her and Dav.

@LazyFemme 2 ай бұрын

Only dav’s mic working is such a vibe

@brooke_reiverrose2949 2 ай бұрын

Sam didn’t get up and adjust the lighting even once 😢

@dahlia-rk8ol 2 ай бұрын

That part about people wanting to be heard, for who you are, genuinely made me cry. I think so much of the resentment and anger comes from the place of truly having no way of letting things go. It’s like the stereotype of the angry atheist, or the angry queer person - a long time ago I definitely would’ve been that “angry queer person,” but it truly came from a place of being desperate for someone to listen, and a lifetime of pushing things down. I remember explaining it once, that it was like a dog that’s been pinched its whole life, and never had the words to tell the humans to stop, nor did it ever feel safe enough to walk away. So when the dam broke, the water spilled, the dog turned around and bit the human, it was really just desperate to be heard. But also, hearing the video from the other perspective, and listening to Bethany talk about her own perspective, was both validating to me, and helped me understand how I can better listen to other people. I think Tanner really nailed it when he said that people just want to be heard

@ZelphOntheShelf 2 ай бұрын

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

@cosmictacos Ай бұрын

This is such a good example of why it's important to meet people where they are. People do not completely transform overnight and progression is not linear. It's lovely to see Bethany and Dave opening their hearts to change and open to having these conversations. I also love seeing how much more in love they seem since they opened up about his deconstruction. I may not agree with everything they believe, but I do believe they deserve happiness and fulfillment.

@lizbates4531 2 ай бұрын

I want to give Bethany a hug. I've been there, in that whirlwind of painful and hopeful cognitive dissonance, and she's doing so well at sitting with it. Keep being brave and following the love in your spirit, you can trust yourself and lean on yourself, and your relationship with the divine is resilient and it's allowed to change!

@emgrmc 2 ай бұрын

It’s so refreshing to see this side of Bethany being so raw and open to having this conversation with y’all

@Elizabeth-vz9ei 2 ай бұрын

Been checking your stories everyday to see when this will drop and I'm SO EXCITED!!!

@Danielold 2 ай бұрын

I am 3 minutes in and I’m in awe of how introspective Bethany is. Truly gives me hope. Love to see very different people holding space for each other 🙏🏻

@nixiedoe 2 ай бұрын

Hearing Bethany say how much love she would show her child if they ever came out made me cry like a baby 🥲 I wish all parents (my own included) would show so much love and grace to let their children be who they are

@stephroblejo 2 ай бұрын

Same, crying not even two minutes into this over that. 😢

@salyx 2 ай бұрын

Good conversation! Lots of important topics discussed, and hopefully some seeds planted for further personal growth. It’s good to see things like this and examine my own knee jerk reactions, too.