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12min in, Bethany explaining how she wishes others would understand how she loves Dave, how it’s not a choice, how much it hurts to be told that they should break up because he’s an atheist even though she adores him as he is. That’s how gay people feel when someone tells them they should be straight. They can’t explain why they love someone of the same gender. They just DO. It’s powerful and beautiful and not a choice. And it hurts so much to be told they are wrong and need to break up with the love of their life. I don’t say this to attack Bethany but to highlight that we are all human with the same emotions, dreams, and the need for love. We are not so different. We can understand each other. I hope Bethany reflects on these feelings in both herself and in others. Love is love is love.

If you told me a year ago I would be heeding solid advice from Bethany Beal, and I would be crying listening to her express her love for her husband and her life, I would have called you an insane person. Thank you to all of you for reminding me the humanity of everyone. No one is just their ideals. No one is an island. No one is static.

Y’all ignore whatever hate from Reddit that comes your way- you are doing great work Empathy is EVERYTHING. There is no other way to inspire change.

I can relate to Bethany's comments on needing to take things slower. My deconstruction has been very slow. For similar reasons. Sometimes with a baby it is hard to find the capacity. ❤

Bethany's philosophical attitude and her ability to hold space for what's happening is so impressive. Especially given where she's come from. In my Jehovah's Witness days I was 1000% less enlightened than she is now. Christianity nearly killed me but she really seems to be becoming the kind of Christian I have respect for. If anyone can make a mixed faith marriage work, these two can. Routing for you Bethany, whether you continue on down the path of deconstruction or not ❤

Looking back it felt like I deconverted overnight. But I recently reread my journals, and it was 4 years. It’s a process, probably best to happen slowly.

Religion has a way of removing informed consent from our lives. It’s beautiful to see two people learn and explore what it means to make choices everyday not because they were told to, but because they are truly exploring life and who they are.

Every time I see dav he’s downing a kombucha. His gut microbiome must be elite

This is rarer than a total solar eclipse. And I'm so here for it! Congratulations on the deconstruction, Dav!

Dave says "Can I make long term commitment and trust that I will not stop growing?" What a statement. So encouraging to hear.

The real question is, "can you find that joy without god?". Short answer; yes and it's SO freeing.

Excuse me??? We get a PART 2????? 🎉❤

the breakup text at the end is heartbreaking. I hope they're both choosing love and freedom 💔

I was in the same position as Bethany with thinking that if god was real that he’d draw my sister back in who was starting to question the faith. I put in overtime work praying for her to come back to god. It wasn’t until we were at a praise and worship event that she started crying, I instantly started praising god and crying as well thinking my sister had found her way back. But then she said to me, “none of this is real.” Her tears were ones of anger and sadness for the realization that she must let this old life and way of thinking go. It was this moment that I became open to actually questioning the churches teachings and really wanting to learn everything instead of blindly following. It can be a painful journey to deconstruct but I’m so grateful we are where we are today. Sometimes it makes me think of the story of Adam and Eve, once they ate the apple from the tree of wisdom. I’m happy that I’m a free thinker now who is able to form my own opinion. That’s my little ~testimony~ I guess. Couldn’t help but to share since I said the exact same thing. Bias from my life experience aside, I truly wish Bethany and Dave happiness and peace, however it winds up looking like for them.

So with regard to the text at the end - I went through a very public destabilization of my own relationship several years ago (locally public not internet famous) and I remember very well how there were times I really wanted to share how things were working with the world and other times I felt I could trust no one outside of myself and my partner. I don't know that Bethany and Dav may be having similar feelings, but that last text makes me suspect that they are. So from someone several years further down that road, I'd like them to know that it does get easier and encourage them not to cut contact entirely. They people who are willing to support you in the moment - both irl and online and even if they were initially strangers - are worth keeping around even if at a distance for a while.

Wow. Bethy realizing love > hate and dogma and fear is so amazing to watch.

This is the most beautiful & humble Bethany I have ever seen & heard. I can sense her zeal for growth & learning & seeking truth. She is a precious and example of a creature in the willing process of transformation out of love & honesty. I can see why Dave is so in love with her. Likewise there is no question as to why Bethany is so hot for Dave. I can't say enough about him and his family. They are truly blessed. I find myself walking what they have. Thank you to Zelph for creating his space for the us to get to know these beautiful people. I'm o glad you befriended them as you have so much richness to share. KEEP ON KEEPING ON like you're doing BETHANY! ❤ & Dave too🤗

As an exmormon, Bethany acknowledging that she used to be afraid that you can't read or learn about different ideas or "you'll lose everything", feels like a huge thing. Like these are pivotal characteristics on the beginning of the path towards growth. And I don't mean specifically growth towards leaving faith, I mean towards building a life that works for her, making her belief system work for her instead of the other way around.

My husband and I are “mixed faith,” sort of. I’m an atheist and he’s a deconstructing evangelical. When we met he was already deconstructing, but it’s a very slow process. We’ve been together for about 12 years and the only issue we’ve ever had with differing religious beliefs was when we had a baby. His parents are still evangelical, so there was a lot of pressure to baptize and to get our child into a Bible study class asap. I’ve always been very forthcoming if we ever had a child, they can decide whether to be religious when they’re a teen/in high school. I’m not comfortable with pushing him into a religion at such a young age. When he’s older, he can choose to be religious or not.

I'm so touched by Bethany getting so vulnerable here, it's the most i have ever been able to connect with her and i really appreciate it.

One's religion doesn't have to be their entire identity. Dav is the same person he always was at his core; we all have beliefs that change throughout our lives. He isn't a deviant because his beliefs changed in the arena of religion. I'm really proud that Bethany seems to realize and accept that. ❤

I love everything you guys share, criminally under-subscribed channel! I'm so happy you guys are growing and can't wait to keep seeing you guys take off!

I resonated so much with Bethany in this episode. Having grown up in Christian fundamentalism I was always told that education was the enemy. It wasn’t until someone said to me, if God created everything and god knows everything then how could us leaning the information he put before us be a threat to him, that I felt free to learn and explore my own beliefs. Keeping learning and growing people, it truly does set you free.

That last message from them at the very end is so ominous yet intriguing. It would be pretty unrealistic tbh for things to really go as smoothly as they seem to be in this video, so I guess that message is confirmation of that--maybe I'm projecting, but when I've heard people say they're 'focusing on their life together', it often means that things are rocky. I hope I'm wrong, but if that is the case I hope they both get through whatever is happening now okay.

I LOVE getting into the weeds with these difficult philosophical questions! This was such a cool insight into what deconstruction looks like👌 I really appreciate that they're willing to show some of this process❤

Oh god, I’m only 14 minutes in and Bethany has already got me crying, lord have mercy what are you guys doing to me? I have too many feelings for this!

Having heard a number of Bethany's takes over the years that were not the best, it is so fantastic of ZotS to give her the space to put out some different takes, and I think it shows some real grit on Bethany's part to step into that space and say some of these things that she has wrestled with. Fantastic all round, and strongly recommend that all four participants read Terry Pratchett's 'Small Gods' if they haven't already; a lot of expansion on a lot of the ideas here.

Omg I am so ready for this! You all having these discussions is so lovely to listen to!

These are some of my favorite videos on the internet. I love seeing the growth and vulnerability. I can't wait to continue watching their relationship blossom. Bless Dav, he is helping to heal generational traumas.

I love, love, loooove that y’all are fostering an environment of love and openness for Bethany and Dav, which is furthermore opening that same environment for other people who are either in faith crisis or deconstruction, in a place of uncertainty. I also love that you’re creating a space of loving disagreement, and meeting people like Bethany where they are rather than dismissing them as hateful bigots. Yes, Bethany’s most extreme beliefs are hateful, but as you pointed out in the first part of this podcast, it does come from a place of love as fucked up as that is. She genuinely doesn’t understand how her beliefs equate to hate and bigotry, and offering to meet her where she is is a far more effective strategy of potentially helping her leave her limiting and harmful beliefs than dismissing her or yelling at her would be. I understand where the snark redditors are coming from, there was a time in my life I may have agreed with them, but the older I get, the more I realize love and friendship go so much further than aggression. Daryl Davis is a shining example of this, and in a lot of ways, y’all are doing a super similar version of what he does with videos like these. Keep. Going!!!!!!!

Just watched for the second of what will no doubt be double-digit viewings. You have captured a great if necessarily imperfect snapshot of deconstruction in motion. Congratulations on asking well-crafted yet respectful questions. I agree with a few other commenters that D&B are being less than entirely candid, but given the trajectory of this very public relationship ... look at the ground they have covered and have yet to traverse, individually and as a couple. "Will they or won't they stay together" is a cheap game, and as several ppl have said here--we aren't clairvoyant. I've got my private bet _and_ its none of my business. Meanwhile, I wish them the best, especially Dav, who has been covering some scary ground with admirable integrity.

❤❤❤ I love everything about this and good for the Beals for taking a step back from social media and focusing on themselves. And thank you Zelph for doing this!

I am intensely living and researching polyamory and the relation between freedom and commitment for 20 years now. And it's wonderful to follow this conversation of the 4 of you and feel really inspired.

Thank you for making this. I too am now discovering the experience of “love” that I was only promised in Christianity. Empathy, connection and kindness must be the way forward. So much love to all four of you.

I feel like these two should be archived and studied. Incredible and interesting people

I'M SCREAMING 😭😭😭 I love these so much and I'm so sad we're not gonna get more Zelph + Beth and Dav content. I haven't started yet but part 1 was just so lovely, the way they talk together is so sweet and understanding and they give each other (especially Bethany, re: some of the Girl Defined stuff) so much grace. Just seeing these four makes me smile like crazy, they got me giggling and kicking my feet fr. Ugh. I love them and I'm SO happy for Sam and Tanner getting their dream collab.

I appreciate you following up with their life changes, but honesty this felt "to much too soon" for Bethany. She is currently in the struggle of figuring things out, so the breakaway text isn't all that surprising. I hope they find happiness and enjoy life while respecting others.

I know Bethy said there will be lots of changes on the GD channel & in the video where Dav shared where he’s at with religion she also said how from right when they began dating she wanted to create content with him but it never rly happened. I’d LOVE Dav & Bethy to have their own channel & chronicle this journey, each discuss their views or things along that line. That would be so interesting but also rly powerful. 💗💜

Such admiration for Bethany and genuinely grateful for her perspective in this video.

There were so many very good points of discussion in this video! I’m just truly happy to see two people so open to learning about themselves, each other, and the world around them. To hear Bethy say that you can’t be everything to one person is kind of incredible, it’s exactly what I say all the time. Which makes it sad to see that end screen. I fully support them backing off social media to focus on their lives, but to leave the chat? I admit I felt sad about that. I hope they don’t isolate themselves too much. Thanks for doing this, thanks for sharing it. I hope it models a healthy approach for a lot of people out there.

Kinda sad that they have decided to go offline for a while cause now i can't watch them growing further, but honestly it's the best decision for sure, for them. Being public can be super tough.

These videos with Bethy and Dav have been incredibly moving and have impacted the way I see people. Thanks for the absolute banger videos. And I wish for nothing but the best for the Beals in their future, even if we online don't see much of them again. Listening to them talk about their relationship and their love really has me cheering them on from afar.

This feels like a therapy session for Dav & Bethany, but great therapy session! Tanner and Samantha are good at listening, and asking the right questions.

I am OVERJOYED. I'll watch this and put my thoughts in the replies to this comment. The first part was so cathartic and such a hit of dopamine, I like kind of want to wait to watch so I can keep the tension going 😅

Oh but the text 😭😭😭 I really hope they're both ok ❤️

Each addition to this saga gives me e n e r g y like my emotional intelligence bumps up a level every time. It's been a joy watching this all unfold like a lotus flower risen from the lake, Bethany especially has become like night and day in how she presents herself. I can feel her genuine personality and spirit coming out more and more, and as someone who has known about girl defined for years as an atheist, I would be her friend. She's so open and honest about the journey and I can feel a kinship as a neurodivergent silly goose, her way of explaining her mindset and memories is so familiar to me and my autistic and/or adhd friends and family. I think it could be possible that's why she loves structure and needing to know ''what to do'', but she's extremely curious and wants all the info. If you're looking for eye opening historic and religious context, the rise and fall of civilizations is an interesting avenue. I'd suggest 8. The Sumerians - Fall of the First Cities by the Fall of Civilizations channel here, it goes into some events that could explain the flood and other early Christian foundational stories, and it's all round super interesting and such fun to binge. Happy learning ya cool kids.

I feel so weird and great about these conversations. I've been overly judgemental towards people, it's hard. When I was a teen I was the worst kind of Christian, and I hated that about myself, but I felt it was needed for me to uphold the rules and structures. I was upholding patriarchal Christianity because I was scared to step outside the bounds. Then I went to Bible college (Moody) and I began deconstruction because I was faced with actually reading the scriptures in koinye Greek, Aramaic, Hebrew. I was forced to deconstruct because the Christianity I was sold was a lie. I think I'd still be a Christian if I was raised in a Christianity where love was the focus, not the rules and sin. If I was told that the vast majority of the Tanakh was always understood as poetry, or how the Four Gospels are pseudonymous and not actually by those Apostles, I would have be fine. But because high control religions demand exact literalism, they fall apart. I'm not opposed to Christianity at ALL. I'm against high control groups. I keep joking that I'm one conversation away from converting to reform Judaism (currently I am not because the nearest Reform synagogue is hyper Zionist and supporting Israel which is counter to my beliefs and the other communities in other communities). Anyway, all that to say, I'm praying for you both, Bethany and Dav. It's tough. I understand it's uncomfortable because a lot of the pain comes from other people in these discussions.

Oh my god i would die to hear bethany and Dave on Esther Perels podcast!

So when's the reaction video to all this? There's a lot to unpack, I'd love to hear what Sam and Tanner have to say about all of this in retrospect, especially given the ending, and Bethany's pseudo-departure from social media. I think getting offline is the best thing for their family for now, but I actually do hope they'll come back around with an update down the road. Though I guess there's not a lot they could say that wouldn't get torn apart by certain sections of the internet. Well, wishing them well regardless, and rooting for more of a sociopolitical deconstruction than a religious one, that results in them truly wanting all people to be treated with love, respect, and freedom to make their own choices in life. I'd love to see them both become less "Christian" and more like Christ.

I’ve rly loved seeing this side of them & love that you all had this conversation with so much kindness & empathy for each persons current situation in spite of the differences. I wish we could all, as a society, do more of this. In politics it seems like each side focuses solely on their most opposing view rather than making the starting point where can we agree or budge enough to get things done & that sucks for all the people the rely on them to get things done in the the country.

Over the years I have disagreed with so much of what Bethany has said, but my goodness what a brave woman she must be. She is sitting in a room with 3 others knowing she is the odd man out and that most of the audience that will see this video wants her to change. And yet she’s here trying to explain her feelings in a way that, honestly, should touch anyone that watches regardless of our differences. Humanity is amazing and we should all learn to give each other more grace and respect.

I wish that they would have touched more on her previous statements about the man being the spiritual leader and that the wife should follow her husband. They did address the sexual aspect and to a degree the spiritual but it feels lacking considering the whole “Mr struggle” video and the fact that they have been so outspoken about how important the man is as the leader in “God’s design for marriage”. Part 3?

I love a Bart Ehrman shout out, the true king of academic christianity studies KZfaq

Dav should start a podcast, I love hearing him talk

I really admire both B and D's growth and understanding of each other and the bigger picture in this conversation and throughout their interactions with Zelph. However, I am a little troubled by Dav's text at the end withdrawing from the chat. I hope he realises it's possible to go on a personal journey while also keeping in touch with friends. I really feel that you both have valuable ongoing insights to offer both B and D, whether in private or in public. It makes me a little sad to think that the interactions might be over. On the plus side, it seems they're both realising how rich life and love can be when you experience them through choice rather than religious doctrine. To be honest, I would also have liked to hear from B on how this whole experience is going to impact Girl Defined going forwards. In these conversations, she's embraced so many progressive concepts in service of D's journey but on balance, more people are still going to see her GD videos preaching the exact opposite. I don't mean to be cynical or a downer but I really hope this all causes B to reevaluate the messages GD is putting out into the world. Anyway, well done Zelph!! You've achieved something truly wonderful here! ❤

Loved everything about this! It's so sweet to hear how open and compassionate Bethany and Dav are to one another's views and how supportive they each are of the other's growth.

I love where this channel has gone ❤😄💃🏾

I hope Dav and Bethany are able to come back to some of these relationships at some point. I get needing some space and time to reflect. I just hope they don't withdraw to an unhealthy degree.

I love what Bethany said about how if they still had the same faith, but took advantage of each other, their relationship would be worse off. That was my marriage by the time we hit 12-17 years (divorced at 17 years). We had everything in common in the beginning, but broke the relationship because we didn’t stay kind to each other. Life stresses got in the way. I also wonder if Bethany’s successful sex life is really a product of their deep connection. More than whatever biblical stuff she’s teaching in her courses. I love that this video exists! You all are fantastic! I feel grateful to be able to watch you put good into the world.

Awwww I love you guys together! And your evolving friendship :D Love from the UK xxxx

These videos have been such an amazing experience. When/if Bethy and Dave decide to come back onto social media, I’d be so excited to hear you all talk about the Gnostic Gospels

I love the plot twist and character arc.

First thing, less than 20 seconds in, it’s so obvious in their body language that things have improved since the last talk. ❤

I’m sad I don’t remember a lot about my deconstruction. I unfortunately didn’t journal a lot :( That time of my life feels so cloudy and confusing. I eventually came out the other way, but it took yeaaaaars!! I’m glad Bethany has this in video, and you guys to help her assimilate everything. 💕💕💕

I'm encouraged by Bethany's growth and curiosity, especially her curiosity without (too much) judgement and I hope she keeps going and continues to thrive. She looks like she could actually start living by the core Christian tenants (love thy neighbour etc etc) and not the political Christianity that is so prevalent. Obviously I have a lot of respect for Dav's integrity, but damn is he a deep thinker, I think I would be so overwhelmed 24/7 if I had his brain!!

You know what I love about this? The empathy and positivity of all of this. There's so much negativity, and it sometimes feels like you can never have a conversation like this without it devolving into ugliness. So this is refreshing! I recently watched a reaction to part 1, and the person was criticizing Bethany for not apologizing for things she's said and done in the past that she's changed her mind on. I actually defended her in the comments even though I'm an atheist, and I mostly disagree with what Girl Defined has put out into the world. But this video was not the place to criticize her, and she's going through a lot and handling it in a very admirable way! If Bethany and Dav see this, I'm sending ❤ your way.

I think there's a lot to learn from their relationship and how they handle diacussions and differing opinions even for people who do have the same faith or lack thereof. Our current dating culture, probably influenced by dating apps, teaches us that in order to be happy, we have to find a person who ticks all our demands. Bethany herself made a video in the past about all the things that a potential husband needs to be. In reality, its the connection, intimacy and mutual respect that truly give value to our lives

It's refreshing to see Bethany being so open and in love. I'm shocked her husband is deconstructing and the fact she is so open to it is amazing.

Everyone's raw honesty and love here is a joy to watch.

This is just lovely. I had a great conversation with my cousin recently about her deconstructing extremism and scrupulosity. Today she is still a devoted Christian, but she is raising her kids In a progressive church where they won't be subjected to shame, prejudice, and biblical literalism. She lets them dress outside gender norms, changes pronouns in children's books to represent varied identities, and fosters curiosity about nature and science. Now, I'm a lifelong atheist and love hearing about journeys out of religion. But I equally love stories about people who keep their faith while rejecting the toxic structures of extremism. Thanks to the Beal family being vulnerable and sharing their stories. There's a place for you in this crazy world of love and learning ❤❤❤

12:16 EXACTLY BETHANY. ITS NOT A CHOICE. 😂 You’d think she’d see the irony in her statement after she’s been so against the LGBTQ+ community…

Dave and Bethany have such a special relationship. You can really tell they love each other deeply and fully. Another great conversation!

Blown. Away.

I identify a lot with Dav and so hearing him explain how he is choosing to commit to Bethany is uncomfortable to watch because it feels so familiar. If he’s anything like me he probably went through a lot of mental gymnastics in order to maintain his faith for as long as he did until he leaned into his deconstruction. Dav seems to be tying himself up in philosophical knots in order to bind himself to Bethany. I’m really worried that this is a pattern for him and that one day eventually he’ll have to come to terms with how he truly feels about his relationship with Bethany and the harm that will cause her. He will need to come to terms with the fact that there will be times in life were we will cause others pain even if we don’t intend to. You can’t live a life of honesty and integrity without first being honest with yourself. I really like Dav and Bethany but this video honestly has me worried for them as a couple. I really hope they both find happiness whether it’s with each other or apart. ❤

Oh my god I can’t wait to watch this! Sat with my cereal and ready to get stuck in 🎉❤

Beautiful Collaboration ❤

This is so heartwarming.

beals defined actually made me scream

I get them stepping back. They’ve been really vulnerable and put a lot of themselves out there on the internet, but the “break up” text felt a little ominous. I hope they’re okay. It just feels a little strange to me that they would need to pull away from people they’ve met IRL, but I guess them meeting you two has been a part of their social media experience.

my heart is melting 💗

I never thought I would be saying this, but Dav and Bethany are relationship goals. They are doing so well and I'm so proud of them, especially Bethany. I am also so proud of Sam and Tanner for making this incredible collab happen. Keep up the great work everyone!!!

Dav, thank you for your words on both commitment/marriage and the search for the historical truth of Jesus, Dav, it actually gave me a lot to think about! Also, Bethany, I'm so glad for your perspective of not being afraid to learn and investigate things and knowing that if God is the truth then you'll find that truth (or if he is not true, then you'd "better be looking"! ❤).

13:00 in with Bethany is so beautiful 🥺😭 she is so in love with Dave and seems so happy in the relationship

I love Dav's perspective/questions on Christianity and history. I have many of the same questions in my own faith journey.

Girl REdefined ❤️

Not me taking relationship advice from D&B omg lol

Bethany owes an apology to those she has harmed! Like it or not!

LOVE THIS FOR YALL SOOO MUXH

loving this era

This video was a privilege to my exploration! 🥰

43:38 "If you really believe... god is big enough." Holy shit

I never thought I'd be thinking about Erich Fromm when watching Girl Defined--freedom is so scary, giving up legalism, dogmatic authorities, and the false necessity of "commitment/obligation" is difficult--it's so interesting to see that represented. I feel so happy that Bethany and Dav are finding their own way together.

im not a christian anymore, but I know that the bible/jesus warns against “fear” dozens of times. given that, it always boggles my mind how fear focused christianity is. I love seeing christian’s comes to the realization that fear is unnecessary when youre living from a place of love :)

Thanks guys 🎉

This is so cool.

Ugh I love this!!!

What is the text screenshot at the end about??

I’m wondering if Bethany is facing a Sad Heaven situation. That would be really sad and I could definitely see the grief that would cause.

Why doesn’t this have more views?!!