BPD & Relationship Dysfunction - The BPD Bunch S2E12

Рет қаралды 4,354

Жыл бұрын

Xannie, Alex, Lena, Melanie and Céline discuss various patterns of dysfunction in romantic relationships experienced by people living with borderline personality disorder. The Bunch share some of their stories, and how they've learned to manage relationship dysfunction more effectively.
Support us on patreon for exclusive videos! patreon.com/thebpdbunch
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About Us:
The BPD bunch is a weekly KZfaq talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!
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Disclaimer:
Although several of our panelists work in the mental health field, we are all coming to you as people in functional recovery from BPD, and are not here to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Instead, we hope that by sharing our stories and what was helpful for us, you can gain some insight and direction into your own recovery ❤️‍🩹

Пікірлер: 49

@mamasitatita 10 ай бұрын

Relationships are honestly the biggest if not only thing that triggers my BPD.

@kellyziebell1601 8 ай бұрын

I learned self- validation thru DBT. It’s helped so much. I used to always be against myself and now I’m my best friend giving unconditional love and encouragement.

@kellyziebell1601 8 ай бұрын

It’s a practice, tho.

@berry7590 5 ай бұрын

“Against myself” this is an eye opener honestly … I started thinking of all of the times lately I’ve been “against myself”

@marissamccurdy9985 Жыл бұрын

I hope you realize how much this helps people understand themselves better I had undiagnosed BPD for years ...every word is true Love this channel

@lornaelizabeth6290 11 ай бұрын

You guys are amazing. At 41 I have discovered that I too have bpd. I have been doing a lot of work over the last 3 years and my symptoms only develop in relationships… I have never had a long secure relationship, I have attracted a lot of toxic partners and my worth has been filled trying to fix them and not look at my part… what developed my relationship awareness was actual dating another with bpd. We didn’t last much longer than a year… but it taught me so much. They lost there self within the relationship and sadly ended it… (they did this 3 times and I had to admit to myself that this just activated me way more) endings are so painful…. But I am greatful that i actual had a massive mirror and someone I could understand deeply… rather than paint it all black or white… it was a revelation indeed! Thank you guys ❤️

@marianadams6234 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for the BPD Bunch fabulous and delightful group. I'm a 75 yr old female and now aware of the healing. Accessing new info is very helpful. Nearly half of a century living 12 step programs is a huge base. Now more mindfulness and your bunch of brave and courageous people have my attention.

@berry7590 5 ай бұрын

You have no idea how helpful this is .. 🥺

@edeneres Жыл бұрын

so well done! my DD has BPD and your podcast has really helped me understand her experience. keep up the great work!

@alkeegan9915 7 ай бұрын

You do great work on this podcast. I wish you all the very best in your recovery.

@beck7326 11 ай бұрын

I've recently reconnected with this amazing person who happens to have BPD and I really want to set us both up for (hopefully long term) success, but wow is there a lot of scaremongering, infantilising advice surrounding this topic online. Finding this channel instead has been so illuminating and helpful, thank you all so much!

@thebpdbunch 11 ай бұрын

You’re so welcome!!

@gdgkuf2315 2 ай бұрын

Good luck! The only thing id say is there's a reason why there's so many negative stories online. My ex is quiet bpd and to say it was hard is an understatement. No matter how hard I tried nothing I did was enough, it was extremely emotionally draining. I wish you the best of luck but be aware of your own well being - I let myself get sucked into a caregiver role to someone that was unable to receive caring and it burnt me out.

@chrisredfield3688 Жыл бұрын

Great stuff as usual

@thebpdbunch Жыл бұрын

Thank you!!! 🫂🫂🫂

@vishakhadasi9737 9 ай бұрын

I absolutely LOVE hearing about this from you guys! Thank you!

@SD-rm5ty 27 күн бұрын

I have no problem communicating with people it's nonverbal communication and indirect communication or when someone says one thing but really means something else is what I struggle with.

@flordepelotudo Ай бұрын

Every Borderline, by nature, is also a codependent. Promiscuity can also be viewed as compulsive people pleasing.

@Dd94949 10 ай бұрын

I think bpd has to do with being on the extreme end of anxious preoccupied attachment, and you likely had a parent who played out those dynamics with you. They say attachment patterns are engrained in the first 3-5 years of life, and it impacts brain functioning. It's programmed into your implicit, unconscious, body based memory. Read "a general theory of love". In that book they call them "limbic attractors", I think, but really they're talking about attachment styles. Anxiously attached people tend to amplify emotion because their body knows that's what brings connection. It's just like the infant in the strange situation who clings to the parent because the parent is not emotionally reliable, so the child is afraid to turn away and explore the world because they don't have full confidence in the parent to remain "available". So there's a learned helplessness there, because I can't help myself, because in order to do that I'd need to turn away from you, and I learned as a child that I can't.

@Dd94949 10 ай бұрын

Also, stan tatkin says infatuation is normal in our physiology because from an evolutionary perspective we are living longer, so our brains were not built for monogamy. While I personally don't ascribe to poly, his explanation makes sense. He also talks about how our brains were built more for war than love, and again, he means that the limbic brain evolved after the reptilian brain. He says for the first year of a relationship you're physiologically on drugs. Your brain is not functioning normally. But, I assume that for someone with bpd it's more exaggerated and there are less skills and resources to cope with that normal reaction to love.

@marissamccurdy9985 Жыл бұрын

I also have brain damage from cancer, I was devestated....the bpd hid behind the brain damage...I was ridiculously happy to finally be diagnosed

@noturbo 19 күн бұрын

relationships are like pouring miracle grow on my character defects , someone said that to me once seems true lol

@sarahcouture24 Ай бұрын

Xannie! That's a cool name

@marissacampos2934 10 ай бұрын

This is amazing- thank you for all that you do. How can we get more involved??

@noturbo 19 күн бұрын

Facing Love Addiction Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love By: Pia Mellody

@suzannaleiper5101 28 күн бұрын

20:38 🎉👏

@weareone5768 9 ай бұрын

I believe I have bpd symptoms but I’ve never been in a relationship…

@njb2cool 6 ай бұрын

Having BPD and compulsive suicide ionization never figuring it out till now as I'm 65 years old I'm lazy and really haven't done any work to take care of myself. What does one do? The therapy that I've been able to get into hasn't helped me a bit. Listen to this channel help me think about it differently. It doesn't solve all my ugly feelings shame regret disappointment and negative feelings I create every day!

@belladonna1083 10 ай бұрын

Thank you..I've struggled for years undiagnosed..Where do you get a diagnosis

@lifewelllived999 9 ай бұрын

Hello ..thank you for the great empowerment you've done thru this video...i would want to ask if along the spectrum you guys experienced being labeled as manipulative or blackmailing? How did you overcome it? Although it never got into my head to manipulate someone neither blackmail someone ...i would love to hear about your experience..thanks

@xannibelle 9 ай бұрын

Oh yeah I’ve been called manipulative and that I was engaging in “emotional blackmail”. For me it was important to come to a balanced perspective about it. On the one hand, I have almost never had conscious malicious intent towards someone, and on the other hand my behavior still came across as manipulative to others. I’ve learned to be much more specific and direct in communicating my hopes and needs, which has made a huge difference in how others interpret what I’m trying to do.

@mariec.mauter8640 2 ай бұрын

I wonder how many of us were colicky babies

@sweetpeasandyarrowaranchdi8327 7 ай бұрын

I don't have bpd, I'm watching for a family member. But I was struck by the explanations. For example I lean towards losing my identity in others and people pleasing, but I also love being alone. Someone I'm very close to keeps picking the person that love bombs in the beginning, but is basically the same unhealthy person over and over. I would like to know what behaviors are present in bpd, that actually make it a disorder? Usually a disorder is something that affects your acts of daily living. If we all have our struggles with these things, what do you guys feel make it a disorder?

@thebpdbunch 7 ай бұрын

Its the severity, the frequency, and the degree to which it is psychologically impairing. The vast majority of symptoms for ANY psychological disorder, are things that every day people can relate to, but don’t usually experience to the point that it causes severe or long lasting harm. Our first season covers the nine criteria for BPD diagnosis, so that might be worth checking out.

@sweetpeasandyarrowaranchdi8327 7 ай бұрын

@@thebpdbunch Thankyou!

@andrewsmith3257 5 ай бұрын

Well everything about it really. Here's one.. people with BPD are 50x more likely to take their own life

@kuolevainen 5 ай бұрын

Such a beautiful show and ya'll are cute. I wish your channel success.

@cinduhughes3351 11 ай бұрын

Fear based trust no one

@francesdiaz8821 11 ай бұрын

Anyone recommend a BPD therapist? Houston Texas

@flordepelotudo Ай бұрын

Did you ever find a BPD therapist?

@jancochran3352 Жыл бұрын

If I seek out DBT Therapy and I'm an active drug addiction and I am diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, should I try to get sober before DBT Therapy or will the Therapy help with my borderline and my addiction? Please help me with this question, I want to get better. This struggle is not fun.

@thebpdbunch Жыл бұрын

Different places have different rules about that kind of thing. I would recommend checking out our video with Monica Thomas, who works with people who struggle with BPD and substance use disorder

@lilyesalehi 23 күн бұрын

In my experience DBT has helped with both

@trevsedgwick3324 10 ай бұрын

Right of the bat everyone states they were fine before the relationships WOW deluded or what! My ex wife was a reck when I met her I was the only stable thing in her life, I stopped her self harming when ever professional had failed before hand! And quite frankly I believe if your telling me it all went down hill after you hooked up with someone then I find that very very hard to believe, makes it sound like your scapegoating the men in your life’s if so this is typical BPD excuses, sorry to say.

@amitsalaskar1024 Жыл бұрын

Many of you say deep relationships activates your attachment issues. Then you guys say you went ahead and finally had a good relationship you are in.. i assume this is when you started the treatment.. what abt the past relationships that were screwed by this behaviour.. those were people with good heart too ey.. would you go back and apologise to them after you realised it was you who caused them the hurt.. prolonged in some cases? Coz the unfair that was done to them and their investment in you has left a scar on them. I believe if you aint thats still selfish.

@xannibelle Жыл бұрын

I’ve definitely gone back and apologized 😊

@liferadous 11 ай бұрын

A lot of people with borderline who end up hurting people they care about relationships do apologize, profusely. People with BPD are still individual people with individual patterns and motives. And, apologizing can also arguably be selfish in some situations, if that person has moved on with their life and it opens up old wounds or is about absolution. It does not seem like you have moved on with your life. I find that when I am searching for answers about someone else's motives for engaging in behavior that hurt me, it is almost always keeping me trapped in the pain of the situation. I have tried to learn not to look for healing from the same person that hurt me. I have to be in charge of my healing. This is true regardless of who does or does not have a specific mental health diagnosis.

@Shellbelle02 8 ай бұрын

I’ve apologized to people who I have hurt, but not all of them. 1- bc maybe I’m just unaware that I even hurt them. (All of us can unintentionally hurt someone and never know it. BPD or not. ) 2- it sometimes it’s safe to do so. Some of the people from my past were also dysfunctional and it wouldn’t make sense to potentially engage with someone who may still be unwell/unsafe. 3 - as someone else has said, a lot of people from my past have moved on and I wouldn’t want them to think I was trying to weasel my way back in their life. I’ve had to learn how to forgive people who never asked and I hope that the people who I’ve hurt have forgiven me, even if I didn’t ask them too.

@averyintelligence 3 ай бұрын

This is not about you