Please feel free to suggest any topics you'd like me to cover in future videos or livestreams

“What did I do wrong?” Well, what we all do wrong is we never take, we only give. We forget our instinctive needs. We discount ourselves. We let them get away with selfishness. We think we must protect the relationship, at any cost. Then we all find out the relationship was in our imaginations, and never real to begin with.

I think rumination is like PTSD, and I think that it's how the mind tries to find an answer to what caused the trauma so it can better deal with similar trauma should it happen again in the future.

It's okay to repeat yourself. It's helpful to hear good things repeatedly, and also, some may not have heard what you have said before. This video brings up the struggle of self care when you're affected/healing by narcissistic abuse. I wanted to hear about that again, so I'm glad you repeated it.

The enablers are almost more frustrating than the narcissistic person…they surround themselves and pull these people out to “defend” their actions and threaten you to not confront their difficult manipulation or hurtful behaviors because you’ll be faced with the posse’ of their people supporting them. I’ve dealt with several narcissistic individuals and they ALWAYS pull the “so and so says I’m right and/or agrees with me…” usually someone in authority or a stronger person. Triangulation with a punch or threat of a gang up on you possibility does block pursuing accountability. It’s also punishment for daring to not obey and grovel - you’re on the “outside”. Narcissists are bullies who use reinforcement of others to intimidate or get their own way. Ugh.

An excellent example of limerence is the novel The Great Gatsby.

Simply put, you go from butterfly feelings [euphoria] to feeling confused [emmense gaslighting and crazymaking] to needing a puke bucket [the AHA moment you realize just what evildoer you've become enmeshed with]. THEN you will have to do the inner work on your road back to you❤

My dad is more grandiose and my mom is more vulnerable. I've been wondering why she stayed. She has it all, the guilt, the rumination, the whole deal. But because of needing to project a particular image and having her financial needs met she couldn't break the trama bond. Because my dad is more grandiose she acts as his agent. I could never figure it out. This video really helped me understand that. Even though I have empathy, I'm still angry about the emotional neglect and emotional immaturity. Excellent video!!!! Thank you!!

What I’ve found with narcissists is they have this idealised view of us but we realise that they are human so we give them the benefit of the doubt knowing that people make mistakes. This opens us up to more abuse as this is actually glimmers of them now the mask is dropping. He started raging in my home and it got to the point where he was doing it nearly everyday and threatening to leave me constantly. It was awful. He left 6 months ago and I feel a shell of the person I once was. The most frustrating and heartbreaking part of it is that when he left, he played the victim and blamed his abusive behaviour on mental health and addictions. Of course this made everyone around him feel sorry for him whilst I was completely depleted and he couldn’t give a damn and I was left to clean up the mess. Still doing that now. If anyone has ended up alone, it’s me. I don’t want to be in a relationship as I no longer trust and currently in therapy. I also isolated myself a lot after the break up. He seems to be doing well since he left according to him.

How in the world do I get past this??? Out of a 23 year relationship for almost 2 years and still so STUCK!!

I was married to her for 14 years. The marriage ended abruptly, I got the rug jerk right out from underneath me. It took me a whole year to completely no contact. Two in 1/2 years after that. She got cancer and quickly died. I just do not know how to process that. I have this horrible feeling of relief. What I mean is the world seems like a safer place for me now. And I feel guilty for feeling that way. At least I think that's what's going on I'm really not sure.

I lived in Japan for three years. I have heard it said that America versus Japan is a matter of a guilt culture (America) versus a shame culture (Japan). And I would agree with that.

I was 4 yo when my oldest brother died from a complicated desease. I remember to always felt guilty, just didn't found the reason. Later i just made regression and ....i was feeling guilt about my brother dead. I think my narcisist mother just made that kind of programe in me, i don't know how she did it. How can a narcisist convinc a child about that kind of guilty? Insane

I just love your content, Darren!! Thank you!! 🥰

Break free once you realize their reality! Things get easy once you break loose the first knot.

The informational contents of this video are pure gold. Enabling and the question of allowing toxic behaviors is briefly mentioned towards the end. I have noticed, throughout my long life, that there is a particular quippy type of person whose words and behaviors are literally rude, disruptive and condensending - yet they are beloved (enabled) by all. That's one of the many things in life on which I ruminate because I don't understand it.

Well, all I can say is "good work".

Thank you so much for this, it’s really helping making sense of nonsense 🙏🏼

Like to hear how parental alienation fits with narssistic attachments and how to deal with poison with no voice as a father who knows his daughters hearts for loving attachments

Sorry I missed the live. Excellent. Jammed with information - will have to come back for another go round. An aspect in your presentations that I find engaging and helpful is the (for lack of a better expression) gender neutral quality. We need that. Thank you.

This is excellent subject! I always was curious how some people started to having this remanence and waned to find out how this psycological mechanism works... You see remanence a lot from vulmerable teenagers and adults who lack of self esteem. Thank you very much Darren. I found your channel is quite better than some of psychologists out there!

Thank you for great ideas especially about sympathy v guilt and also that boundary setting will always be a work in progress. I've studied a lot about the topic but you still brought new insights. I think you are also modelling good attitudes when starting new things because you are a new channel and things inevitably go wrong.

This is good because they expect you to be the perfect person that nobody could be their never going to find that there’s no such person no such person exists like this they want someone to fix them . No one else can fix you. You have to do it yourself. Hearing your voice is good 😊.

Hi Darren, great content as usual. My lifetime abuser is now old and frail but still as sharp and cruel and manipulative and growing more entitled by the day! I've been stuggling with guilt and shame as I go low contact and grey rock but I have a brother who is supporting me. He keeps me informed about what is being said about me and how reality is being distorted which helps keep me grounded and in touch with why I have to do this. Our mother also tries to gas light me concerning my brother obviously trying to keep us apart, little does she know we swap information. It all sounds a bit devious but it helps us manage and accept the situation and keeps us sane!😄. The part about confusing guilt with compassion and pity was very helpful for me, thanks Darren ❤🖖

Thank you so much. Your work is so spot on and enlightening. I can’t have “no contact” yet, he is an empath so it is maybe extra scary but I’m starting therapy in a few days to help me get through it. ❤

I tried for years to figure out what was going on. Glad to know we are hardwired that way. Now that I know is listening to these videos like ruminating. i still learn a lot but sometimes it gets me down realizing how long I put up with it.

Thank you for this video, it was very helpful.

Gosh this was intriguing and so enlightening. Again, I kinda dig that your camera went kaput be cause I could focus more but I miss seeing your face ! Thanks for the tech help and response from whomever tried to help. Never heard of limerance before….. such a great concern to learn more about.

This is very important!

Yes.

I missed your live again 😔 I've got questions pertaining inheritance & other things. Next time 😊

I can hear you

I think you are great. Thank you. My father is narcistic with inferiority complex and grandiose delusions. I believe he has always been jealous of me, using me as a trash can for his bitterness. He has systematically turned my son against me. Any thoughts?

Dr. McGee if you see this could you please talk about how the narcissist can cause physical problems and mental problems possibly with obsession thank you I hope you address this topic I love your channel thank you so much

Thank you so much . This is really helpful, specially the aspect about sympathy , reframing feelings of guilt with sympathy was insightful.. because a narcissistic relationship is not all bad so as times pass you keep being reminded of the good times leading to guilt. As well as the self destructive beh . Caring for and about is a great analogy and often I blur those lines thinking if I'm not caring for them I'm being bad because the other person is on a self destructive path and I want to fix cause I've done that for Sooo long , for everyone but specially the narc . I want to fix , 😅. I should... right if I can , because I hate the discomfort when I can't. But that's a whole another topic .. .the discomfort of making a hard but right decision. We just had a celebration that the narc was not a part of bec they did not want to face the world after the break up and then also partly to punish bec things didn't go their way and I would have been wallowed in guilt if it weren't for this session . Your words helped me understand a lot .Thank you so much

we can hear

Can you address when the narcissist is a grown child, who has threatened black mail to me her Mom, in order to destroy relationships in my life, and does the silent treatment for several years so far, as well as, sends my cards/mail back to me, marked “refused”, (& even marked on the envelope with a postal sticker that says they are “deceased”),& has gone on hate campaigns. I the parent don’t know why there’s so much hatred.

🫂

double bind cookie crumbs few stick freguent and harsh indifference to object of desire pain and life just bad and do not care pretense

finantial abuse