My supervisor at work told me I'm to young to have chronic depression. Also, like, I'm 37?? "Too young"?? 🤷🏼 K...

@@supernova622 Oh yea, don’t we love like older or elderly people who want to tell everyone under 60 they are basically still a child and shouldn’t have any issues. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Ethel, please.

@@supernova622 wha? Literal children can have it

​@@supernova622I've been battling chronic depression since I was 4, someone pls tell myself from ages 4-28(now) that I was actually too young for it the whole time 🤷🏼🤣

Too young to take it easy?? Forget chronic illness, this attitude is why so many young people are totally burnt out or falling for scams that promise to give you energy etc (when what they actually need is sleep and a balanced amount of leisure). It's even more important for chronic illness sufferers...

this!! it also means that they have to then actively choose to be empathetic and understanding, which so many of them don't want to do because it's "so exhausting" (likely related to motivators tied to their vulnerability like you mentioned)

I was told by a former friend that she was removing me from her life because she 'couldn't handle' what I was going through with my chronic illness.

@@lisam5744 i'm so sorry someone treated you that way. no one deserves that 💜 i very recently had to remove someone from my life- because instead of just being honest and saying what that person said to you, this "friend" attacked my character and told me how awful of a person i am for not being able to do as much as she could. so many people lack empathy for a cause that isn't fully their own and it's extremely disheartening.

@@courtney104 Yup, I've had that response from family, one actually said that I am "manifesting" my illness

@@courtney104 I'm sorry you had to do that. That people think they have the right to attack someone for an illness is just awful.

Yep, I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was like 7. My mental health problems are here to stay. I haven’t “given up”, I’ve simply accepted it’s something I need to learn to live with instead of fix. And I assume it’s the same with physically health issues as well.

Thank you for saying this truth. ❤❤❤

I agree - we tend to see our future selves as thin, or not in pain, or not struggling stilll...yet it never happens despite all the hard work. Even dooing things I love - that feeling of being punished for wanting a day out. 3 days in bed for 1 day out. But you do it because happy memories are better than no happy memories. Yeah - we need to accept oour limits!

It doesn't get cured type better but we learn to navigate our day to day lives better so it doesn't stay the same level of awful. There are ups and downs just like everyone has, they're just different things to feel good or bad about. I touched my toes yesterday and proudly told my husband. He didn't get it. I explained "I've just touched my toes for the first time in my life". Then he got it and celebrated with me. What's completely normal for one person is a big deal to someone else.

Yes, it's something I have become very frustrated with in a lot of therapy and self help these days, it so often swings on claiming that there is always a way we can effect our circumstances and we just need to learn the tools and motivation to stop being too pessimistic and apathetic to see how to do so. So many people buy into this thinking now that there is often absolutely no empathy for people who are genuinely in a difficult position for whatever reason. People need to learn that empowering someone and helping them develop tools to improve their life as much as possible may just mean learning the best ways to manage still very crappy situations sometimes, and is definitely not the same as saying 'pull yourself together, if you are struggling then it's probably your own fault and you just need to pull yourself up by your boot straps and fix it'

Wait, she has ADHD? It came to my mind when she lost her train of thought, but it was an isolated incident & I didn't want to assume more.

​@@spaghetto9836 The video even mentions it as a text on the screen. It's no too many years since she was diagnosed with that, thanks to followers telling her to get checked.

@@spaghetto9836around 1 minute 30 ish she has a text on screen saying it in this video! but she’s also posted a whole video on it i think?

​@spaghetto9836 i'm pretty sure she's made a video about her adhd diagnosis, yeah!

I also have ADHD and take medication for it, and fun fact - it also helps other parts of my life. It has an antidepressive effect on me (I'm bipolar), and hightens my blood pressure so I'm not so dizzy and lethargic all the time. And of course it gives me more energy and focus, so it's really a great medication that does multiple things! Just like for Jessica.

Oh yes, running away from grieving, very relatable😂😂 *NG channel announcer voice* *Голосом Дроздова* In the above you can witness a typical exemplum of running away

i also have me/cfs and have had it since i was 11, i’m almost 26 now. i’m there with you, very glad you have a great support system :-)

That is an incredible attitude!! When I got sick with cfs I felt horrible rage at the injustice of it.

@somethingsmatter There's definitely been some of that on my end too. My early life was full of injustice, so I was a little numb to it at that point. I have since been working on going back and fully processing everything. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason. It's not fair, and we don't deserve it. It's important to acknowledge that. I try to use that feeling of injustice as motivation. The world has tried to kill my happiness, and I'm determined not to let it. I didn't choose to play life on hard mode, but I'm going to find my own win condition.

@@kayleyanna3164 That's a fantastic attitude. Thank you for responding. i'm sending you happy healing vibes :)

It's tough, it feels like no matter how many times we remind our friends that this is chronic they just forget about our illness until we mention it again, and they always respond to it as if it's new and temporary and some hardship to overcome. We'll just casually mention chronic pain, not even be in a bad pain day, and it's a million hug emojis and "I'm so sorry" and "sending good vibes" and "hope it gets better" like no, it won't, we've told you time and time again this is just our life, disability is value neutral, please *we use we because of our plural identity, not trying to speak for everyone who's disabled or anything

I have switched to, largely, “May all go smoothly,” cause I feel like across illnesses and injury, aspects of all interactions related to that can go more or less smoothly, like dealing with the bureaucracy of healthcare and benefits or managing the other junk. Sometimes when stars align that smooth thing may be recovery, but it may not.

I try to take comments like that not as "you're better so you're cured and not struggling" but rather as "not having your worst day". Ie they're celebrating that you're managing better and having an OK day rather than a bad one. Ie better as an improvement not as an absolute

@@nicolabannister3582 Ditto. I totally understand the frusttration w/ hearing that from loved ones, too, but imo assuming good faith & like re-translating it is helpful to actually understand what they're trying to do, which is be supportive.

THE "U DON'T LOOK ILL THO" HIT HARD

Society won’t. It’d require everyone and our governments to start pretending to care again. (yes I am permanently enraged about this)

@@kagitsune I, too, am permanently enraged, on top of being baffled and heartbroken and so so tired. I see you ❤️

I think "people" are talking about it. The problem is that the vast majority of people aren't going to talk about things they don't understand nor will they discuss topics (usefully) where they are ill-informed, or unaware. There are also a lot of people who float through life with their head in the sand unless something hits them hard enough for them to stop being a zombie. I know a few people like that. Weirdly lucky, and honestly nice people but very very oblivious. Sometimes it seems like "everyone" knows something but really we're just very much invested in our bubbles.

It took 20 years for the US government to recognize the damage done by Agent Orange in Vietnam in the veterans. It took less time for them to recognize the damage done to soldiers who were exposed to chemical warfare in Desert Storm. It was about 10 years. The conservatives screamed and hollered the whole way though and were constantly trying to cut funds to Veterans hospitals.

They have. They don’t want to remember. I am forever livid and how easily they cast off concern for our lives.

It’s so helpful to see and hear her like this. I always feel so angry or hopeless when I try to express myself when I’m struggling to put my thoughts into words. Or when pain or exhaustion overpower my ability to maintain concentration. She still expressed herself very well ( much better than I imagine I do under similar circumstances), but seeing her lose focus and work to reconnect several times makes me feel less alone in my struggle. ❤

Yep, it makes me feel very seen cause this is my brain a lot

@@waffles3629 ❤️

“what’s the point of going to the doctor if you aren’t getting better?” uhhh, not getting *worse*?? do these people own brains?

​@@comradewindowsill4253 for real. Like not getting worse is just as helpful as getting better. Symptom management is vital.

​@@comradewindowsill4253 Exactly!

I'm so sorry you are being treated this way. This is emotional abuse in my opinion. Could you seek help from a counsellor?

Your mum is PoS. Jfc. My mum is a PoS and even she doesn't do this. I have had a few comments from people over the years, but mostly it's just friends saying "Why don't you rattle?". Is your mum one of those anti-vaxxer essential oil types? I suggest watching some videos about how much damage people like her do to society, which often results in sick and dying people being scammed.

@@BunnyRabit-yo3lx Thanks for caring enough to comment! It means a lot 🥹 I’ve been to counselling and psychologists with her and without her to try and resolve the issue. My specialist has also been nice enough to bring up how important my medication is every time my mother happens to be nearby. I wish I could say that any of those things had worked, but she is incredibly firm in her beliefs. Regardless of what any doctor says about the importance of my medications, she refers to it as me ‘taking drugs’ 😮‍💨. She puts herself on a pedestal because she refuses to take any over the counter medication herself. I don’t think that she particularly considers that I would likely do the same if I had a choice in the matter. Not only that, but prescription medication is not the same as over the counter medications.

I’m so sorry you don’t get the understanding and support you need. My mom doesn’t believe in doctors and looks at me funny every time I go. I always feel like I have to justify myself even though uh, a herniated disc might be a good reason to see a medical professional. But sometimes she looks at me like I just told her I want parrot for dinner. Young people can get sick too, you know. :( you deserve better, and I hope it gets easier for you. I don’t really know what else to say ❤️ I found it gets easier to just be okay with being uncomfortable and looked down on. I think I’m pretty cool, and I’ll do everything I can to take care of myself, with or without support

Your mother is treating you so unfairly. My parents also didn't believe in medication. To this day, any time I am doing better, my mom tends to underestimate the necessity of my medication and thinks that it is something that should be hidden. To some extent, I understand her, because many people do judge us for needing medication. I have a severe case of schizoaffective/bipolar disorder, and I think the misunderstanding is that she doesn't realize that my regular use of the medication is what helps keep me well. She told me, "I don't think of you as ill" even though she's watched me be hospitalized on multiple occasions. I understand that what she was trying to say was that she doesn't define me by my illness, but it still felt invalidating. Maybe one day I won't need medication anymore, but for now, I take it religiously, because I can't afford to become manic. I have too much to lose. I know that bipolar disorder is something that can improve in your 30s and 40s, but it won't if you aren't properly medicated until then, because severe episodes can damage your brain. I don't romanticize the possibility of going med-free. I just do what works, and you shouldn't feel bad about doing the same and looking after your health. I hope you are able to find some peace amidst everything that you're going through right now.

I think they mean well. They haven't faced the reality yet that disability and chronic illness can be lifelong. I suspect theyre not ready yet to face that reality.

⁠@@klisterklister2367While it certainly is well meant, it doesn’t make it any less irritating.

​@@randomhuman_05true. It blows my mind, so what I look good. Does it mean I am able to run a marathon now or to get a PhD in a week!? How the f am I supposed to react? Oh, thank you, thank you so much. Doesn't matter, that I want to scratch my eyes of and that standing straight takes 90% of my will power. Thank you for telling my you have one more reason not to believe me - I look good. Sorry about the vent, I wish everybody the best and hope you, reader, would never get to experience such a convo.

​@@Besyatkagetting a PhD in a week 🤣 I don't think that's even possible for a healthy person!

I often get frustrated with statements like these because when people tell me this, I usually am still (obviously) feeling ill. I’m faced with the issue of “do I explain that I feel terrible and get in an argument with someone or do I lie and let them continue to misunderstand?” And both options kind of suck.

I'm so glad you had that preparation. We're in this together

Ack! I HATE having to pace myself. It took forever to drill it into my skull that pacing myself increases the chance of having some energy at the end of the day to do something I like. For me 'pacing ' means taking a break even when my body insists I don't need one yet. Sooooooo frustrating.

What food are good for you??

I feel you with the asthma 😔

Asthma is a disability? I have that and I had no idea it’s a disability.

@Breathefreemylove It definitely can be. Now it's not necessarily a disability in that you'll get assistance from the government from it, but depending on the severity it can definitely impact your life. Even just taking some of the medication to manage it can impact your life and health.

@@BreathefreemyloveMost long-term medical conditions have the potential to be disabilities. Asthma can certainly be disabling, so it can be a disability. But it's for you to decide whether yours affects you enough that it's disabling for you personally. :)

​@@Breathefreemylovea disability is anything that interferes with activities of daily living.

It's pretty sad when you think about how many people are struggling with longcovid but we all still feel alone... I've had it for 2+ years now, and it's tough. I also relate so so much to the things jessica is saying in the video about struggling to decide which things to cut back on and what to push through for... For a time I also really struggled with feeling like a burden to everyone and not being able to 'keep up'. And i'll be honest i ended up in a pretty dark mental place until my therapist prescribed me antidepressents. It's been a lot easier to handle everything now, I'm still spending most of my day in bed, but at least now I'm lying in bed smiling😂

​@@therese1806I so feel the point about feeling alone even though there's so many of us (and there will continue to be more), i think it's cause the world has "moved on" and is pretending we as well as COVID doesn't exist anymore 🥴

14 months Long Covid here. It’s hell. POTS, CFS, nerve pain all over. I feel so alone too.

Please look into MCAS. It appears to be the underlying cause of long COVID, and POTS. Treating it can make the rest much better!

@@jenniferw1595You’re not alone! I’ve been disabled with MCAS/EDS/POTS for 12 years. There are SO many of us!

Don't say "just" lazy. There is no "just" about it!

@@alicecain4851 I mean, idk about this person, but I know I *am* lazy, sometimes. it's just that I also sometimes can't do things for other reasons.

Despite enough proof that I could win in a court case, the lazy/flaky reputation still lingers

I heard another adhd creator point out once that "If I were being lazy, I'd be having fun, not screaming at myself to get up and do something while I'm doomscrolling on the couch." That really stuck with me and has helped me realize that I've internalized a lot of my parents' disdain for my bad days where I can't do much but watch tiktok and scream internally.

In a way the future IS different - if you learn to cope and handle you illness better than before. Even if your illness is not going anywhere. I've been hoping I'd get my asthma somehow calm down (which does happen for many people, they just take meds and are mostly ok). Along the years I've had to accept that it won't happen for me. Still, I've also accustomed and adjusted my life, so it's easier. For example in the springtime I'm still complaining, but I also know what I can expect and avoid trying too hard because it won't work anyway, saving me a lot of of struggle.

Same!

I have the same problem! I have other triggers as well but missing meals is a huge one (it causes my gi symptoms to flare too). Cut to me in a group setting getting upset when everyone’s taking forever to decide what to eat or if they want to eat yet and they think I’m just “hangry” and impatient and it’s like no, if I don’t eat soon the rest of today and tomorrow will be shot

I get vestibular migraines too! Mine started by being triggered by viral illness. I think another trigger or exacerbator is stress, I was employed by what I have come to realize were ableist people (they transfered my very nice boss) and I swear the pressure to predict my migraines with a crystal ball for them and not miss work made them last 3 days, one of which I can hardly walk, even when I took one day off. My medicine does nothing for them so my doctor reccomended taking magnesium twice a day to try to prevent them instead. After I was fired- and I had a viral illness at the time- I have only had one VM and it was one day. I suppose it is much worse to push through and worry about how you will be treated! When I'm not being hurried off to work I can focus on resting and making sure I get food into myself and as soon as I can. Interestingly, similar to Jessica, I probably have CTD and I think I have autonomic dysfunction, but I am having trouble getting diagnosed. I'm not sure if it's the right diagnosis, but my mom was diagnosed with Marfan's syndrome in the 90s, but me and my sister have symptoms and have not been successful in getting a diagnosis. There is so much more research on the effect on the nervous system for EDS, and the research is so much better in the UK, and I appreciate them so much for it. I also have GAD. I neglected my anxiety med at bedtime last night and I had 5 nightmares in a row. They were all very real like I was actually walking around my house flipping on light switches, checking the windows, but there is an alien in my living room. I had to take it and wait for it to kick in to sleep. My dad is very resistant to my crusade to get help but last month I fainted waiting for my perscription and he had to wait for me to come to consciousness and he said I turned white, I'm 26. I may have to seek disability instead of working. There is no benefit without diagnosis. I only found resources for EDS AD treatment but there was about 15 medications suggested for it. I don't even know if I have OI or POTS yet. I'm not allowed to drive for 6 months. Very frustratingly, it seems to come and go so my doctor thinks I look okay and I get surprises, as far as dizziness goes, but I have IC and constant issues with my stomach and pelvic pain. But he insists there is nothing they can do for me because that's what they told my mom. I'm in process of convincing a clinic to give me an appointment 😡 when I have a referral and next week I get a heart monitor on to see if my heart is why I fainted. Wish me luck I suppose. I don't know how experienced you guys are in this, but I have had 3 family members who had acute heart problems after being healthy, migraines run in the family, and my uncle snapped his achilles tendon without trauma like it had been cut.

​@@evren5642Girl, yes! I get nowhere when I complain about it but in no uncertain terms can I wait to eat when I need to. I will get a migraine, and then I will be on your couch and you will have to take me home, and I don't want to come to yours next time. I cannot usually hang out with my sister anymore because she only wants to do so spontaneously, she will insist she picks where we eat, which is usually somewhere I cannot eat anything, and she will insist we don't leave the house until 9 or 10 pm when I said I need to eat within an hour at 6/7. Even if I offer to buy coffee and something to eat for the group. It really has strained our relationship that she does not seek to understand, and it really upsets me. Her bf is sweet but he is not confrontational so he always argues for whatever she wants. She also punishes her friends for standing up to her so they don't. If she were not my sister I would not spend time with her at all.

This sounds so promising! I have pots and am going to ask my dr about adhd diagnosis soon. Can i ask, do you know what adhd meds may help with pots? Or all of them? My blood pressure is low all the time and gets worse when i stand up so I'm hoping adhd meds could help with that. Thank you

Like many in the comments, I’ve also been dealing with chronic issues including fatigue. In my last doctor appointment she finally said she wanted to try the stimulants to see if it would help me recover some semblance of normalcy. Which had me so excited because I have heard from other ppl how much it helped them. Cut to me picking up the prescription to find out she changed her mind and put me on sleeping medicine because “maybe I’m just not getting enough rest.” At this point after this many years I don’t even know how to talk to them anymore because it does in fact appear that they never listen. Sometimes it feels like dealing with doctors is just as challenging as dealing with chronic illnesses.

@@nolaray1062that last sentence pretty much sums it up.

@@anyalazor7978 that was a comment on the fact that she said that her adhd medication also helps with pots. Realistically pretty much all of them except for specifically non-stimulant options are stimulant based. Beyond that its mostly a, I would like adhd meds because of these adhd reasons and then if they ask about concerns with stimulant vs non-stimulant just that you arent worried about stimulant medication.

@@ariellesarinafirestone7823Dealing with doctors is a full time job. And I’m too sick to work.

❤

Honestly, she is an awful friend

I had a friend like that too. Its pretty painful. Happier without her but also very lonely

Yeah, I've been told that I'm "so boring" because my chronic illnesses often prevented me from going out and doing things.

@@Akurokuma What??!! Well, I’d choose a “boring” friend over a rude/mean one! ❤️

I had long COVID too really badly for about two years - I was one of the lucky people that improved after having the vaccine. I really know the struggle. I had very sporadic migraines before, but during long COVID, I started getting them whenever I ate anything containing histamine - cheese, nightshade veg, cured meats, etc. Hate to be 'that person' but have you seen a doc about the heart palpitations and chest pain? There's a link between long COVID and heart inflammation - avoiding alcohol or keeping it to a minimum is sometimes part of the treatment, and there are meds that can make it better. This may all be old news to you but I just thought I'd mention it! I probably had myocarditis and I wish I'd asked a doc to check it out at the time.

Oh! my! God! I also got the alcohol-migraine pipeline from long Covid! Haven't had a single drink in a year. A single sip of wine and my head feels like it will explode. I also still suffer extreme fatigue, muscle pains and very regular migraines from the long Covid (got it 3 years ago). Glad to not be alone but also sorry about it.

@@katlantas5674 I have begun to be able to have a couple sips of wine about once a month, but that's after four years of this, and more than that and it's a world of pain, so I totally hear you. Also, we're far from alone-- I'm in several long Covid groups and many have talked about similar issues.

I still get random intolerance to smells I haven't had since covid... and I'm not planning to drink at all but now I'm worried about that haha!

I've gotten "get well soon!" wishes from the same people who refuse to mask and take other precautions which are really the only way for it not to get worse.

❤

Same

We get very good at faking wellness…

It might help to think of yourself as like a pet. We spend so much time, energy and money creating a safe and healthy habitat for our animals or even our pot plants but we often don't put a lot of thought into our own physical needs. We need healthy food, sunlight and clean air as much as they do. We need appropriate amounts of exercise, sleep and rest. We're mammals. We're animals. We're living things. We need nurturing too, even if we have to do it ourselves. I am working on giving myself as much care and attention as I do my dogs. I'm taking my vitamins, on a diet and spend a few minutes sitting in my massage chair by my SAD lamp every morning before work.

@@Draggonny This isn't helpful. I am not a pet, nor do I need such patronizing advice in response to a joke. I've lived with a serious neurological disease for a decade, I know how to take care of myself, and have a better quality of life than most with my disease. Some of that is luck, some of it is work. I put immense effort into managing my illness. That taking a night off to just be free once in a while and making a silly comment about it warrants being spoken to like a dunce who just needs to feed and water themselves is pretty silly.

Same!

I’m still trying to appear “normal”. People become unspeakably cruel when they realize you are vulnerable. And they stop helping you once they realize that you will *always* need help. It sucks and is exhausting, but it’s how I’m trying to survive.

@@kagitsune Definitely. For me it's all about the balance. I try to take advantage of the situations where I can totally unmask, so I have more energy for the rest of the world.

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me too 💜

❤

This is so true. Thank you for sharing.

❤ *sending a load of energy*

AawaawaààààaAÀ​@@alicecain4851

AawaawaààààaAÀ​@@alicecain4851

❤

I had to learn to take a more emphatetic approach with my relatives when they complain about their new old age struggles. Being autistic my go to, very honest but perhaps not as kind, answer was usually "lol I know I've had that my whole life." But I noticed it hurt the feelings of my father - not because he doesn't think my issues are just as important (he's a great father) but because my issues do not make his issues any less real and valid to complain about. So nowdays I try to rather go with "I really know how that feels, you are not alone with that." But it can be insanely frustrating when someone talks about it only relating to their age and you're there like, dude don't you understand me and people like me also exist? We suffer from first moments on this earth to the last ones. Just have to make the best of it even with that and get some gentle cuddles and pets and care from your loved ones when things are extra hard. My boyfriend washes my hair when I'm really sick/in a lot of pain etc. And I love him so much for that.

All of society before 2011 owes us reparations and lifetime massages 😤

Felt. + the constant fear of catching it again and it getting worse while the world goes on pretending its over 🙃

“The MS tax” ❤❤

Same here 😢 wishing you the best!!!

❤

I know what you mean about the time with your kids. I used to feel horribly guilty about missing out on time with my two children, but I now realise that if I accept the help that is sometimes available to me, then we all enjoy our time together more and I don’t completely exhaust myself and also become more ill.

@@HS-pw5lf yes! I definitely had a lot of mom guilt and it’s taken time to adjust how I view things. It’s nice for my kids to get some time with just daddy and I think it’s better to work on quality over quantity when it comes to the things I do with the kids. If I’m exhausted and in pain, I have less patience with them and I don’t enjoy my time as much as if I do less but can have a better, more enjoyable time. It’s not easy to navigate these things though and I know we’re doing our best.

Seeing a child learn that is powerful but it's still great to see my adult friends get that agency and perspective

❤

Lots of love to you ❤❤ I've had a valve repaired at 28 as well, it felt very weird going through that so young. All the patients were elderly people and nurses and doctors kept mentioning how young I was... Two years later things are much better fatigue wise, as well as mentally even though it's not a smooth linear thing. I wish you all the best. Ohs is a very rough thing to go through (I had minimal surgery and man did it hurt).