Oh my god yes!!!!

@Quadir Mayo the muffin man?!?

@@jibrish4802 the muffin man!!!!!!

@Keith Panton yeah, a Trump with a thesaurus ... ; -D

@osamabinsmokin... most every American thinks a thesaurus is a dinosaur ... ;-D

I know ... that even beats K. Conway’s “alternative facts” statement from 3 long, torturous years ago. Look at all we’ve endured since then ...

Sounds cultist 🤔

It's like someone slowly going insane with desperation for the status quo. Too bad for them it's not coming back.

you cant make sense out of nonsense

Not to mention it should be “there are”, not “there is”. 🙄

it's called struggling comedians on youtube trying to grow their channel.

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/f9OGoLl22diqnps.html coronavirus in Donald Trump's

Hi

I think they're paid well enough to "suffer" through the anomaly.

@@scipioafricanus5871 "struggling comedians" you mean people with shows on T.V.? When you have a contract that hardly makes you "struggling".

I don't think things are going to go back to the way they were the question is what's going to happen after this people aren't going to be trusting of each other at least for a while

I totally agree!!!! This is so much fun to watch!!!

Eleni 1979 oh wow!

Agree! Trevor Noah and Stephen are rocking the home environment. I don’t miss the audience at all!

Except for Fallon. I rarely watched his regular show, and now his home show is totally unbearable with his two obnoxious daughters interrupting every few seconds.

sammyi2505 Yes let us take more emotional manipulation from this man, the voice of his corporation. In these lockdown times i suggest you watch the movie NETWORK (1976).

@@samsunga-pm4qq you got to be kidding me it's refreshing that he'll say the truth on TV put your big boy pants on and start listening to the evidence

Hello fans kzfaq.info/get/bejne/gNZoqKZ00tXPZ2w.html

@@samsunga-pm4qq You say "voice of his corporation" as if he isn't a fuckin comedian. Yeah, they have voices, they're entertainers.

Ar Jun I know it’s embarrassing don’t rub it in

Not I🐯

I mean, the majority of us did not vote for him. He didn't even win the popular vote. Just saying, for the record...sigh.

but, but, _her emails_

Disgusting isn't it?

John Taylor joke went right over ur head

no, you misunderstand. This is all God's will, that's why Trump can't be blamed...

Robert E Since most were for the death penalty, that title was already on pretty shaky ground.

Oh, that's what they always meant. "Live to work for us!" Pro, as in professional.

They shouldn't have been before. They are pro war, Pro gun, pro death penalty, Anti healthcare, anti science, violent lunatics.

It's going to be a strange re-adjustment. These late night talk show stars are really finding their stride, now, with doing it from home. I love it too. I love it - even when it's a bit clunky and awkward. I love how it's allowing their individuality to gradually manifest. It's amazing how the playing field is almost leveled by social isolation - and yet the 'professionals' are still showing why they earn their salaries. I really enjoy watching the unpaid people, on KZfaq, sharing opinions and thoughts - but, under similar circumstances, it's good to see the big hosts can really hit it out of the park. The KZfaq world is big enough for everybody!

I agree 👍

may i also add ... no more piano player interruptions (weird sounds, scale practicing)

his is better than the original thing

it IS good comedy and material, however we don't know if this is harder on him or not. Remember he gets plenty of in person help during the actual audience member shows. Plus audience reactions are good for checking how funny their jokes are. Of course there are KZfaq comments, but KZfaq viewership compared to television viewership just isn't large enough to be a good survey for a reaction take on Stephen's jokes. This whole thing might be MUCH harder on him and more stressful, it definitely seems that way for Jimmy Fallon. I also want this type of show to continue, but at the same time I don't want to wish more stress on our hard working entertainers who wish to help us get through the boredom of Quarantine.

So speakth the Angel of Death

They were voted in. You know what to do.

@@maxmac7845 revolution? Because our voting system sure doesn't work

@@richjordan6461 agreed. sometimes it takes more than one revolution to form a republic.

you're absolutely right!!

A G You made me laugh because it's so true!

A G so true

My cat wants a divorce

They heard the news that 2 house cats caught COVID-19. Pets are social distancing now.... they don't have the money or dexterity for face masks.

Zoo animals miss people in the zoo. The zoo. Keepers are walking around the zoo so the animals dont feel too lonesome.

sassulusmagnus what’s the mortality rate again?

Life is overrated. Look around you, rocks have been around for much longer and they're doing fine!

@@zevyzevness3800 About 7% in the US based on nearly 47,000 deaths out of about 843,000 cases. I rounded up the numbers so anyone wanting to freak out over the numbers being slightly off can relax.

I see his point actually, but if he's not ready to walk the walk, he should shut his mouth. Also, he should be prepared to forego a ventilator if he gets sick. Ventilators should be for essential workers and people taking precautions only. If we make that rule, go for it!

Look up Dr. John Ioannidas, he has a fantastic interview that was recorded on the 17nth you can view here on youtube.

I had to replay that bit 4 times to make sure I heard it correctly.

There are more important things than living!

You realize if Trump dies to covid-19, it could be cast as martyrdom, for being unjustly deposed by a Chinese virus, right? Not a desirable outcome.

We must appease the stock market, she is angry

Diego kinda reveals that they never cared about life, they only care about money and power

The upper classes money is much more important than life!

Really has nothing to do with pro life.

Mari Posa how is it not? They don't wanna kill a micro organism that they claim is a full human but they wanna sacrifice you and your parents and your grandparents... for money.

Wait, thats illegal...

The stock market duh!

that's not a surprise.. its the way they think about there own soldiers

I'm a native Texan..unlike Dan piece of shyte Patrick...

@DrMossydog those are parts of living, the only thing you can do, other than living, is dying. He is saying they should all die.

Lt. Dan: if it's to be or not to then I choose not to. Don't call me a hero. Just a ugh..

You got it.

Life hack: Dying so the mortician can cut your hair.

he seems somehow even nicer than on show

You have low standards.Wow.

Dog abuse! Kayotti smear!

Corney

I sure don't. I didn't like Bush as a President, but he at least knew how to run a chain saw (when you own rural property, clearing brush is important from time to time).

When a tree-planting is staged for the media, and big-name participants are involved, their limited contributions are largely symbolic. It's a common human ritual display, similar to a ribbon-cutting. Nearby community members do the bulk of the work. Humans are weird.

Truth 😊

Yea

reminds me of Mrs Columbo... :-D

Ruirodtube That’s cool and all, however, I don’t remember asking

Unless you're a fetus

@Max Von Lowe Quit the drugs, they're clearly not good for you.

Max Von Lowe abortion is a good thing! (Sits back and watches the triggered meth head)

@Max Von Lowe The fact that you would switch out the word "fetus" for the word "baby" just tells us you realize how wrong your position is. Don't get me wrong, I personally think there is a degree of wrongness to getting an abortion. Eventually that fetus could become a baby. Thus, it definitely has value. Which is why if someone intentionally aborts a woman's fetus by any means against her will then they get charged with a lot more than assault on the woman. The actual debate imo is whether the wrongness of aborting a fetus is more wrong than forcing a woman to take a fetus to term. Personally, I think democrats are on the right side of that... however, that doesn't mean republicans are completely wrong... they are just overall wrong on this issue imo.

Lmfao..well said amigo

Admittedly, some of it was built. It just fell down when a wind blew past. What shocked me was not that the wall fell, but that it was more hole than wall and yet it was a breeze that took it down. 😐🤣😶

@@jaggerra7 ~ And trees held it up. Can't have been much. I wonder where the billions are going if not into quality wall? Hmmm ....

Thank for our neighbor Mexico's comment. That was really really funny. Stay safe buddy.

I vote for a wall to protect the U.S. from us, Canadians, too!

@Loneamaruq Fake News Comment

@Loneamaruq This is such a weird argument u are having here lone.. The world isn't perfect, so everything is permited.. Presidents shouldn't be held to higher standards then the rest of us. Everyone who doesn't agree with ur worldview is a liar, or jealous. His worst qualities is rich, powerful and safe? I have never heard that as the worst.. Egomaniac, irresponsible, lazy, ignorant, discriminating, incompetent, compulsive liar, con-man, and obsessed with taking credit for things he hasn't done. Those are the worst qualities most people think, not only in the US, but in the world. This is such a weird thing to see happen from an outsiders perspective. U have had horrible presidents before, but I don't think I have seen such a blind devotion to someone because of a celebrity status. Maybe it makes things seem more unreal, and more emotional-based when it is a reality star that runs the white house. I mean, many of us wants the Tiger King out of jail, even do what he did was absolutely insane at the end. Simply because we feel empathy to a man. that seems to had the whole worlds against him. I like to think it comes from kindness, that supporters can give so many chances to a man that repeatly screws it up. It could also be that we don't want to have presidents that sets a higher bar for public office. There are now so many weirdoes in politics, that for a few years ago wouldn't have a chance to be elected. But now it really is a "anyone can be a president" vibe, and bigger the spectacle, the better. In some way, entertaintment has merged with politics. And I don't think Trump did that unintentionaly.. He once said "Think of my presidency as episodes, where I take down my opponents". His presidency was (and is) all about attention and publicity.. In that regard, he wins, and ur country looses. That might also be why he has such passionate fans. He seems to shake the system, and win the battles he finds important. To bad that none of the things he wins, does anyone else then him any good. And the systems he shakes, are the once in place for the welfare of ur country. This is a behavior unfitting for anyone in public service.. Stading to close to a elephant makes u see only the color grey. But taking a step back, and ask u self "cui bono?" may show the animal's true form... Now I need to go to bed. Good night Lone.

Odd how trump wants to get white Americans onboard with bombing the genetic/ancestral homeland of Caucasians, no? I’m talking about Iran here... 😕

Well said 👍. Be well and be safe ✌️.

Unfortunately history had shown us inbreeding doesn't improve the intelligence of it's offspring. And most of the red States have a reputation...

He's campaigning as much as Obama did during 2012, and as much as Hilary would had she won.

Said every Democrat official as well.....

That describes many dogs, but my cat misses her alone time.

ILuvAyeAye I have 4 cats and 2 dogs. They are all loving that they have company. They still have hidey holes for being alone.

Despite what people think, there are a lot of different people in Texas. I live in TX and I definitely don't agree with the prick LT Gov or our Gov. There are 29 million people in TX and despite it being a Red state, there are a lot of cultures here that don't agree with the politics and the way some people think and act about this state. There is always good and bad everywhere you go and right now we are seeing where the bad is clearly!

Some things are worth dying for and each individual has to decide what that is for themselves. I can understand how staying alive no matter the cost can be a very immoral thing to do. Can anyone think of a time when death is the noble ane moral thing to do...falling on a hand grenade to save other lives or Jesus on the cross? (I'm not Christian but know people who believe think it was a good sacrifice.) Think people...sometime dying is preferable and even if it is not preferable, it is inevitable whether we like it or not.

Clearly a "pro life" republican.

Leo Dragon ain’t that the truth! 😂

@@Rainyman63 Ha! Good point. Unfortunately, I feel the obvious irony would be completely lost on him...

The wording was wrong, but the content is right. We NEVER tried to save every single life by all means possible. If so we would ban alcohol, tabako, driving cars, etc etc... spend all Ressources on health care ... we do not do that. We accept death. It is and always has been a balance.... and it is absolutely right to check the balance right now

@@tiro0oO5 so, texas included, there are 45,000 plus deaths in the US so far. Now, you may make the argument that the flu kills that many plus every year. But how many would it be if we hadn't closed down? That 45,000 is WITH social distancing.

Hope it's a fucking train!

@@tommymcweedface229 or muzzleflash.

Love these comments 👍. Thanks for the laugh. Be well and be safe ✌️.

Go to the light Mr Trump, go to the light.

@@xjunkxyrdxdog89 😆

I mean technically you didn't elect him if he the Lieutenant Governor, right? He was just kind of a package deal with whoever was running for Govenor?

@@DonaldWWitt When you vote for governor you vote for LT

Dave Goodwin maybe it’s NOT HIS KID🤔wouldn’t that be a kicker if the kid was from .....THE MEXICAN GARDENER😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

A pure joy

@@carametz4730 True 😂 lol kzfaq.info/get/bejne/fbNdmt2exNmzfWQ.html FACT CHECK GGUUIILLTTYY aammmeerrica

#TalkNerdyToMe 🤣🤣🤣

The dance breaks for Jared Slam was so geeky suave!! Lucky wife!

Hell yes! I'm here for all of it.. and I especially adore the Tolkien hints 😍

He's a 15 at least

I read that as “Stephen is 10” and to be fair, he has that side to him. ;)

@Ana Martins And cheating at golf, too.

Bears like to swing too, bro. Trying to live his best life.

@@kmlckd "and I'm smmmarter than the average bear"

Look BooBoo another D Trump mistake. Sorry Yogi I erred, there is no picnic basket :(

Wow crazy. I'm down here in NZ hoping to see a penguin crossing the road. (We have the signs on all beach roads), but I've never seen one in 10 years.

Yes, but have you seen a flying gunboat?

Sounds like when trump visits a covid patient

"You wroooonnngg!" Donnie-the-dotard just claps back at you bro. lol

Are you kidding? We WANT him to chew on electrical cords... Hopefully something high voltage

Agwasim Emmanuel MUSH TRUMP MUSH

Based on the negative psychology principle, yes Trump should definitely be advised not to chew on electrical cables..

I'd be honored if some Colbert fans who appreciate late 70s/early 80s groove classics would take a listen to my acoustic piano & vocal performances of WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES by Michael McDonald, SEPTEMBER by Earth Wind & Fire, and JOSIE by Steely Dan on YT channel in tribute to the masters of the era. Live acoustic with no autotune or digital editing. Peace and everybody stay safe.

@@willritter4076 begging for views in a reply to a comment on a video that has nothing to do with music? C'mon man...

It is not just the rich who want people to return to work. There are probably many who want to get money so they can buy food. Creating the worst depression in 100 years is not so good. All this to save some lives that are so few that it will not even appear as a deviation in the death statistics. Those who are really rich are the ones who will get the best out of this and the middle class will lose the most.

@@niklasmolen4753 Kinda makes you wish there was some system in place to allow people to be unemployed for a few months without starving to death, so they didn't have to risk the health and safety of themselves and others, doesn't it?

Check this out! Michael Moore's latest documentary on just how the billionaires are uniting, have been for decades, against us and our planet, all so they can capitalize upon ours, and the planets deaths! Stay safe and smart everyone! kzfaq.info/get/bejne/kNFhZNl6kp3Hqnk.html

@@niklasmolen4753 The wealthy have more to lose by us staying isolated and not working. Check out the latest documentary about how the billionaires have been working against us and the planet for decades! kzfaq.info/get/bejne/kNFhZNl6kp3Hqnk.html

@Rich Greene the land of rampant greed and conspicuous consumption.

Opus 313 please, tell this to my neighbors, who think this one big party and social engagement.

Correct, but with the caveat that it’s actually “physical distancing” ... Social distancing is what we already had with social media. 🤣🤣🤣

"But the government is taking away my rights when our county judge forbade any children under 14 from entering stores! No one has the right to parent my kids! REVOLUCION!" - Some lady on Twitter when I asked her what rights were being violated by quarantine rules.

@@Droemar how about work so we can pay for the house we live in, the food we eat. Do you have a job that let people go because they were told to close up?

themac79 Beats the s*it out of me. I’ve hated him since his “birtherism” BS!

Because of opportunity zones, energy independence, tax bracket cuts in nearly every bracket, the usmca, criminal justice reform, funding aids research, and because we have had enough of this... kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jpaao92Q2bC6fYE.html

@@jamesdionne3213 you are an idiot, its like every time with reps after they got president they inherit the good works from dems, and you trust them, till now, get some education.

A question I ask myself everyday/minute. Lack of education? Poor role models/bad parenting? The obscene love of money? Brain trauma?. Peer pressure? Inbreeding? sorry. IDK. Maybe they are simply dumbasses.

themac79 beats me!

Don't pop the champagne yet, HA!!

those hypocrites suddenly get revelation and become pro choice lol

What part of this do you not understand. Republicans are "pro life" about fetuses. Once the fetus is born, they could not care less about humans.

@@mediaaccount167 Peanut M&M from The View would dislike you very much. 🤣🥜

They don't actually care about children....they just get off on the control they can have over a woman's body .

@Timothy McCaskey Speaking of Evangelicals...and morons kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jbOSaqWC1anSgKs.html

Sadly, once this crisis passes we'll be at it twice as hard to "make up for lost time". :/

@@qevvy Vote blue, and change will come.

I thought the human influence was minor on climate and co2 emissions...#sarcasm

It will have literally no effect. People don't care and will willfully forget about climate change the second this is over. Not right, just how it is.

@4 MORE YEARS ! no, but at least educated individuals know when to use "their," "there," and "they're"

Lol! Yes .

Where are you getting your info? My god ppl wake up....seriously! you dont even question wtf you hear! Sheep!!

Well, of course, he's got to be better than them! He's not going to let them beat their old man! It's always going to be a competition!

@@olivepaisley399 Most of the time, we just listen to the word vomit coming from our president. But if you like eating that, to each their own. I might suggest a little salt.

@@olivepaisley399 his own response at 9:02, in this case. I dislike "one-line" quotes out of context from either side but in this case we got question and response.

Hehehehe 🤗👌

That entire comment needs to be a either a meme or a t-shirt

UNLESS LT. GOV. DAN PATRICK issss that 🤔😲😱...nvm nvm nvm let's not. Im still laughing at this comment 😅 thank you.

quite typical of a narcisist

Horrible thing to say

Its much better without all the distractions!

It'll feel odd when the crowd returns. If not feel worse.

Trump or steve lol

Johan Andersson - you made my day

5:44 "Or get Mitch McConell to have 51 republicans vote that there is no virus." You sure about that one?

And sends another check ($1200) to Stormy Daniels...so who do we believe...the busty, dyed blond or Stormy Daniels?

He used that term because he couldn't remember Covid-19...

@@consumerofbeer1716 Oh, if only we could de-monetize Drumpf...

Hey BooBoo another D Trump mistake. Sorry Yogi

@@consumerofbeer1716 Every country had the same information from the CCP and WHO. Many acted with the skepticism that should have already been understood due to the incidents you already mentioned and more. Everyone told Trump not to trust Xi Jinping and all of the other dictators he writes love letters to, but now he pretends to be caught off guard when when they back stab us like everyone knew they inevitably would. Our own intelligence warned him about this. He should start listening to them instead of pretending like he knows how to wheel and deal with authoritarian countries.

@@consumerofbeer1716 Summary: Closed authoritarian regimes doing what they've consistently done for the last century does not excuse Trump's incompetent response.

It took me a while, but it does feel more intimate...lime we're just buddies hanging in his attic..

Laura O Yep, I heard it too.

well done :) 3 cases in an entire country! & how many tests did you do today? Probably more tests to find those 3 cases than were done in all of America to find their 6,000 odd cases today Next door in Oz, we had 12 cases today & 1 death (another from that nursing home where the staff member with the virus worked 6 shifts without realising she was sick), 6,500 odd cases total & 73 deaths, again mostly nursing homes & also that dam cruise ship! Which has FINALLY left :))))))))))) I can't wait to get this virus eradicate from our little bubble & open all the borders within our little corner of the world so we can all share in person our hard earned accomplishments on this virus - and of course doing that will help kickstart the economies in both countries again, well before the rest of the world will be ready to consider serious economic recovery - cause that's what working hard to control the virus does to the economy, it supports it long term! btw what are you going to do when America wants to start filming various major productions in your country again? Cause you're going to be the number 1 location in demand for filming, with no virus & so the ability to film without social distancing requirements. I guess maybe they might just need to send the scripts & have Kiwis (and maybe some Aussies) as the entire cast & crew for all Hollywood productions for the next few years. That alone will give your economy full recovery :)) You're the new Hollywood!

Wow that is a low amount of cases. I pray we make it through with lower numbers any loss is to great to endure.

@@lilaclizard4504 Total tests today were 6,480. Number of recovered cases 1,065, meaning a little over 380 known cases still have it, with 8 in hospital. And I have a good number of friends in Australia who I was supposed to visit next week, so I indeed look forwards to being able to travel over there once both countries have been swept clean of this monster. Still, 5 days of level 4 lockdown to go, then at least 2 weeks of level 3 (which allows a few more places to open, like fast food drive thrus) And then the government will decide whether to lower it further. They're EXTREMELY worried about the second wave, and are trying to prevent it.

raptormaster666 because New Zealand has a government that thinks!

Yes. Yes you did. And I'm hearing the political ads now when he's up for reelection after the coronavirus devastates my state, especially those little towns that voted for this guy in overwhelming numbers after the disease makes its way from the cities to them.

Yes he did and also said that we need to make these sacrifices for our children & grandchildren. I say put your children and grandchildren or yourself out there first...try the public protest & then in say several weeks or so we will follow....LOL!! YOU FIRST.

Easy to say when he's not making any of those SACRIFICES that he (and you) want regular people to make, tho. Walk the talk or get ready to be dogpiled.

@SpectroMan ~ Sadly, as more is being discovered abt this virus, it's leaving a lot of damage behind. Even some ppl who weren't feeling bad enough to seek healthcare have some not insignificant damage. We just don't know enough yet whether they'll eventually heal, or if it's permanent.

Better than the mayor or Los vagas who wanted to make her citizens a "control group" on CNN with the Cooper guy.

people cages :)

The puma was actually being followed and it was cornered, it ended up jumping over that fence

🤣😂

The sooner the better😂😂😂

Half expected him to say "I see lots of light, I also smell burnt toast. Anyone smell burnt toast?"

Just not dying is not good enough. I want to _live._ I get the joke, but really, it's ironic because the truth is the opposite.

You made me snort with laughter involuntarily.

Well, your living!

May your name apply to the entire world 🙏

Yeah, I did a double-take on that one too. Actually, he's right. There is a small list of things more important than living: Protecting the people you love, protecting your country, saving the lives of strangers, you could make a case for all of those. Getting a professional haircut and keeping the PlayPlace at the local McDonald's open are not among those things.

Susann Jarvis I live in Texas. This state is run by morons. I’m near Dallas where the politicians aren’t so bad.

@@lollylolly8186 Texan here, too. I'm pretty hopeful that the voters who were energized by Beto O'Roark in 2018 have stayed tuned in, are watching the level of political quackery by Gov. Abbott and his corrupt band of morons, and will turn out again in force, along with the many disaffected independent voters to turn out every R from office so we can join the 21st century and ruin the pig-eyed, fish-lipped vagrant in the White House's electoral college chances, as well!

For this idiot making money is more important than living, but if you're dead, that's a little difficult to do.

Well he COULD. It wouldn't make it the truth, but since when has that ever concerned him? His supporters are already claiming there is no pandemic.

Andreas August Gebauer u know what u are absolutely RIGHT and how SAD is that and blame Democrats for holding up for small business funds then he finally gets his morons vote on it goes out and takes ALL the credit!!

That spaniel did not want to snuggle - that spaniel wanted to get back down to chew cables.

I haven't laughed that hard in a while. I needed that.

glad you're still here

I think that may be one his best jokes in a minute.

Hysterical!