Exactly!!!!!!

Yes. "Healthy Relationships" should be taught in high school.

+1

What it looks like . What it sounds like . What it feels like .🤔😖😩

Suzanne Janke Same here. I always told people that I really don’t know what healthy relationships look like, because I’ve been surrounded by a bunch of unhealthy, toxic ones.

Right I look to the word of the Bible

Look toward you

Jordan Peterson....look him up. You won’t regret it ❤️

Smh I happen to find another adult as a mother like figure. And my actual mom gets jealous. Used her name against me in an argument. That’s when I knew it seemed she was jealous. I was just hanging out with this older lady and she seemed “warm” if I could say. I lost contact with that lady. And my mom is still the same. K bye

🤣🤣🤣👌🏼🤗

I still believe this is fantasy. Sorry.Can't imagine.

I am sitting here kind blown. I didn’t know dads asked about their kids lives. I really didn’t know.

And not just to get info to use against them. I wonder what that’s like.

I totally feel you :(

yes. this exactly. makes me mourn for a needed support system that never has been and never will be :(

Gee, sounds like you, and my boys have same father, or lack there of!

same thing here. but I thought it as just Emotionally... so I didn't disown him. and I was golden child , idiot. he ruined my existence I felt guilty to replace him. I couldn't be assertive or anything

Maybe not cheats, but lies, or gambles, or breaks agreements and hides spending, changing the budget records. 🙄 And then justifies it all by saying, “these are just coping mechanisms because our marriage is so stressful! At least I’m not addicted to porn, or going to strip clubs, or going to drugs or alcohol. Yeah, these are not the best ways to relieve stress, but at least I chose the least of all evils.”

Oh, you’ve met my father.

IM LITERALLY IN SHOCK THATS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO US! You're not alone.

Yep, you hit the nail on the head. My mom could tell you just about everything going on in the lives of those in the neighbourhood, yet asking her daughter how she’s doing is a yearly occurrence at best. I’m sorry that your dad didn’t make space for you.

Include my cousins, aunts, uncle also for my dad. Anyone but me, my mom and sibling 😒

WOWWW SAMEEE with my dad

They volunteer🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

my mom dragged us to retirement homes.. to visit with complete strangers.. who were weird and smelled bad. I was a kid. it was scary. (I had my on grandma with gnarled fingers.. tell me I'm evil and that I broke her fingers) so subconscious fear in those places with those smells. around the old. my mom can't stop force-helping everyone around. she ruined me. and my dad... Emotionally absent. wtf. existence is a horrific joke.

Hugs.

My father keeps telling me I'll cry on his grave. He doesn't understand that I ready mourn the father I never had and will never have.

I felt that Hit hard

@@lararys7765 same. My dad told me not to even come to his funeral. I dread thinking about what I would do in the situation. We haven’t been speaking for about 2 years now.

I believe that all children terribly miss the right realities they never had, truth in family, right relationships, *truth. They miss them because the knowledge of those NEEDS is innate, within them, instinctively recognized as a need. Those are needs that were never met.

Its great that you can both acknowledge the feelings you have and question them!

I felt the same way.

But then if you speak up you're called a liar or gas lit. I just want to change who I am and now I'm narcissistic and passive aggressive. So annoying. But I'm also way too honest which I guess isn't good. IDK.

Yeah because the narcs make you feel guilty or as if you are wrong for standing up for yourself or reacting in a normal healthy way

oh shit. how has it affected your relationship with men? i understand if this is too personal, but if you feel like talking about it i'm curious to hear it

@@jura9484 from my experience it can affect relationships with people, self confidence, and confidence in the others. My father didn't have a nice relationship with my mother, instead he was and he is very passive-agressive or agressive or dont control his feelings. So i have a little distorted sense of love. My mother save a little part of that sense, but anyways, is distorted

me crying listening to the healthy dad

My dad is a liar, gas lights, and is a perfectionist. He's always searching for the next bes thing it's so annoying.

@@jura9484 The relationship with a father like this is so imbalanced that we might find ourselves in similar relationships with domineering people. Narcissistic fathers can distort our perception because they often portray an ideal image of themselves, which we, as children, might have been forced to adopt, even when deep down we know that something isn't quite right. We might become so desensitized to their toxicity that we can't detect toxicity in the people we come across.

I agree!

Yeah it's like a veil has been lifted when you start to see how "normal" families behave.

Same here! It took me 40+ years to realize it. Due to these role plays ALL the pennies drop

Yes. My mother held a grudge against me and she really start to show herself whenever it came to my personal success and endeavors. I was just talking to her about my ex’s family and I was telling her about a conversation we had. In short my ex’s mother was saying that children shouldn’t be helping to pay bills xyz. I told her that I feel the same way too but I understand that ethnic people carry in this way and it’s normal to us. It’s normal for us to take care of our parents and help before our time. I told my mom this and she cringed . From there she flipped the whole thing around because she felt guilty. She said “you Th walking with that woman and agreeing that you shouldn’t help” I said when did I say that? I never allowed her to do that to me. I was raised with a deep knowing of what’s right and wrong without any guidance. I said to my mother why are you twisting what I said and I never said that? Do you think I’m just gonna let you? Either you feel ashamed or you feel exposed because why would you react that way as if I am telling you right here right now that I shouldn’t help you with anything because your an adult. And she’s repeat her offense over and over. She was molested as a child... I find it hard to be angry with her but I’m happy I’m not in her life anymore. It was futile. Empathic since I was born I have memories of constantly trying to make her feel better. She’s use me as a release then she’d go and tell my dad about what I told her. Sometimes the things she’s say was about my dad. Early I caught on not to be angry with my father when giving her advice . That didn’t stop her from making it seem to him like we gossip about him and all the children especially me is on her side. My dad is a narc too so from there he started to verbally abuse me or just avoid me whenever he can. She’d make me shadow the golden child until I forced my self apart. Then the golden child whenever we’d be out somewhere would cryyyy I mean constant complain then go back home and tell them about how uncomfortable I made her. I don’t miss them at all and before it was so hard to detach. She’d and my dad would say I want to go to college for sex but they wouldn’t say that to my twin. They said I want help co-signing for an apartment because I wanna have sex yet everywhere we lived the golden child was the only one allowed to have their own quarters. I never let any of this stuff get to me. I’m so happy to be free from it and I pray for my brother and sisters who are infected by it and are trapped but don’t see their trapped

@@shakiellaachee7829 good for you for being able to see through it all and not letting it effect your self worth! And congrats on freeing yourself from those ties, inspiration for those of us still caught up in things.

Yup. I can relate.

That's my mom.

I totally relate.. My mother, as well as my ex and his father... ugh... just wimpy. Im my mothers caregiver and she uses her M.S. TO exploit and manipulate people with it. When my father died, she decided that she was going to become completely immobile. It wasn't until years later, that I realized she did this, so as a means to entrap me as a servant. Her docs would then look at me and ask why she isn't walking more,, she sits there real quiet. My ex and his father are also this person. My ex's father recently used this covid scam to get out of Thanksgiving. He and his wife are the healthiest 60+year olds I know, but his father decided to pretend he "fears" the 'ronas. It really is the most cowardly behavior... my ex treads a line of psychopathy and he surpassed my overt fathers abuse. I wish I were kidding, im surrounded by horrible people and I am working on an escape.

I never tagged my mother as a narcissist, but holy smokes, these role plays really cleared that up. My brother is also very narcissistic. I love them both, but it is so exhausting to be around them most of the time. And I work with both of them daily.

@@LareesieAlice it's appropriate esp. for a 60 year old to not meet outside household people for a holiday jfc

Honestly tho me too

Honestly they do exist.

Yes I was like no one is that nice that’s not real ahahah

Yeah, I also think maybe it's too perfect. Does it make normal dads look bad? I don't know what's normal.

I think I've seen that kind of parent in action. The trouble is that being abused by a narc makes us question reality because our reality was never real as children, either because the narcs gaslighted us or because we saw how fake they were in public and may have assumed that everyone is playing the same game as they were. I've made it my goal to be as healthy a person as possible so I can give the next generation a good foundation for life. Though I'm 41 and still don't have kids, I've been a school bus driver, Sunday school teacher and more, and over time I've learned how to be more like the healthy parent than the screwed-up one. I've worked with teachers and school bus drivers to taught me how to have healthy interactions with children and other people I'm responsible for. Every job I've ever worked with kids changed my perspective on what normal parents act like. I've seen parents who were smiling and excited when their kids got off the school bus, and parents who were trying not to let me see them be gruff with their kids, and I'm thankful to report that there were a lot more healthy parents than unhealthy ones on my school bus routes. So yes, I do believe there really are parents who are genuinely interested in their kids' well-being and they really do want to be involved in their lives.

It’s very normal and that is the problem when we grow up with narc parents we think love is conditional and we attract these narcs as lovers because it’s all we know until you realise it’s toxic. Watch Teal Swan- The emotional wake up call

When toxicity is normalized, normal becomes foreign.

AMEN!!

I feel like that too sometimes

EXACTLY!!!! Mourning who I could have been😔

Yup!

On the plus side it's the same for everyone, we all have one self at any given time. :)

Great job Patrick!

It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

😂 right there with you girl

Yes, and then those people who have healthy parents go onto having healthy marriages/relationships while we’re stuck in a loop and have to learn all this stuff over a lifetime...

I was the healthy parent but my daughter was the narc trained by her father's side.

@@karenbenz9340 exactly very painfull

It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? At some point we gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself, as it did in the past. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

apparently it's so foreign to me that watching the healthy relationship makes me very uncomfortable. These videos have given me a lot of material to work from when I finally get in with a DBT therapist (actually the woman I just got a referral to is in the same sort of field as Patrick)

Bro, both me and my sister found this and our dad is nearly a match with the covert narcissist. There were a few things different about him, but it's so similar it's freaky.

My dad is like this first one too😅

Same girl same.

Same here.

Same here

Same here..

Anxiety? He made me mad. ^^

@@prometheuspredator7971 You are absolutely right. I fell for a story about how his health was bad, but really he just didn't have any money. Now that I'm here, he treats me like I'm his mother, it's appalling. He throws rage tantrums and calls me a bitch behind his door ( as if I can't hear him!) if I don't put his needs before my own.. any move I make towards independence, even going out for the afternoon with a friend, is met with him faking a new ailment. I loved my Dad, but this is no way to live. I need my life back.

@@prometheuspredator7971 LOL!!! "No offense, but YUCK!" That's what I'm saying, this whole dynamic is gross! I always felt so bad for him every time a girlfriend left him, but if this is how he treats them, now I see why! He left when I was young, so I never spent any time with him, only a few weeks over the course of 30 years. He always seemed so nice on the phone, or for short visits, but now I see how he talks a good game, but is not the person he presents himself to be. Now that he is older, he really has no one. No friends, no family, and he got me to live with him by saying his health was failing. I know if I leave he will have no one, so I guess that's the only thing keeping me here, his sob stories, but he is a a complete narcissist energy vampire, and I have not been able to live my life as a healthy adult since I moved in. My physical and emotional health has gone way downhill. If I don't leave I will be giving up my own life to "save him", which is not even possible, he will only drown me in the process. I already escaped my narcissist mother's deathgrip, I just have to do it again. Thanks for your understanding!

@@Quantum36911 he only spent a few weeks with you within 30 years? Tell him to f%$#ck off

@@Quantum36911 "he really has no one..." Can you let him face the consequences of his own choices? As I see it, your "father" is alone not because of his age but because of his choices. Even my grandpa who was never there for his family, had friends who wanted to remember him at his funeral. He died in his 80's. It was the family who struggled to say anything about him good or bad. He was like a ghost to us throughout our lives- there but not there. So it's time to put yourself first over your father. The narcs tell us we're being selfish to do that but it's all a mind-game. I had to do this with my mother and it was very hard especially for the first year. I stopped having contact with her in 2018 and that's when mutual friends started coming forward and saying how toxic my mother was and how glad they were that I'd escaped. I used support groups for family members of narcs to keep my head on straight during that first year. My NM had convinced me that I was helpless without her. Well living without her financial support has been challenging sometimes but those challenges have shown me that I'm strong and capable and I can live without her. I don't "need" her anymore. I hope my story helps you find freedom too. It's painful to discover that our parents abused us and misrepresented themselves. But through facing the truth we get free of the deceptions and other things that make us act like our parents' slaves.

@@walwilekashturnbull5712 Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.. it was so healing to hear. You are very wise and strong.. it is so good to hear how you managed to regain your independence. You are so right about letting him face his own consequences. He is literally using me as a pseudo-partner, which is emotional incest and feels violating, while he pretends to be above me. It's not my "job" to take care of him emotionally and financially. Now that I lost my job, it's even more difficult to figure out how to get out of here, but I will find a way, as I always have in the past. You are so right about how we are trained in learned helplessness, made to believe we can't make it on our own, just so we won't leave them. I wish you all the love and freedom you deserve!

It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

Fathers need to get.off. from many. unnecessary issues nd move.forward with understanding It's. Painful fr.the son to.get to his dad.

@@emp9413 exactly, we gotta break the cycle and move one

I feel like most people can't. How many people are actually this good at communicating to each other?

same! Also his favorite insult to me is 'you're just like your mother'. As the only daughter I'm the scapegoat and he seems to project all the anger he had for my mum onto me as she died a couple years after the divorce. It's hell but I'm finally moving out this weekend and can't wait to be free

@@lucybridges5887 Good for you, Lucy! Getting that physical distance between the two of you is a great way to start setting healthy boundaries and figure out what you need for your life. It can also help you decide what kind of relationship you want to have with your dad, if any.

My dad recently left my step mom for another woman… and yet he still talk about how “crazy” my mom was when they were dating and how awful she supposedly was. My mom annoys the shit out of me but she’s not crazy nor is she a bad person

when my dad dicuss with my mother he used to remember things from yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaars ago. Long ango, long long ago.

As if he didn’t cause anything to contribute to the divorce

Right!

Can so relate. I remember my sister saying that she was crying to my dad about going through a major breakup, and he couldn't listen enough to be there for her. He would just wait for his turn to butt in and gush about his new girlfriend, not even acknowledging her pain. Mind-boggling. You are not alone.

My mother in law does that. That’s why I don’t make time for her anymore

My mom always does this. More like interrupting to talk about herself and direct the convo to her

My father does that, he doesn't seem interested to listen about my life for more than a minute or two and the he interrupts the conversation to steer it back towards him.

Same. I often wondered if he had a hearing problem, and didn’t realize I was talking to him. Nope, turns out he was just an a-hole.

They grew up unseen by their parents. They try to fill this void throughout their life in a non-heatlhy way.

@@ST-yc7uj Makes sense!!

@@ST-yc7uj interesting point

I agree.

@@ST-yc7uj and that's not our problem.

Sally W. Exactly.

Me too...

@@AK-yx3qf Thank you for sharing this!

@@AK-yx3qf I have the same experience with my husband and my parents-in-law. To be totally honest, my husband is putting boundaries with ME and so he is (unwillingly) teaching me how to put boudaries with my mother. For example, when I get angry I tend to shout a lot (perhaps it's cultural, I am Italian, but it really troubles him), so he closes the conversation and tells me we'll start a new one when I calm down. Well, I've started to do exactly the same thing with my mom. She screams a lot and this has always upset me since I was a little child. I've started to close the conversation and tell her we'll start a new one when she calms down. IT DOES WORK.

same

That is wise. Change the pattern from wrong to right! Blessings Beautiful cat.......I had a dream about a cat same one who was very shy of me. Still don't know.

It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego /the harsh inner critic that forms. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

Your strength is inspiring ✨

Wow so inspiring,take care.

Maybe you were a rotten kid?

@@ThunderAppeal there is no rotten kids

@@anotherdayrepeat3283 Right. Mary Trump, President Trumps niece would have you believe otherwise.

Never feel guilt for being glad that such a parent is finally gone. I felt this way about my mother. She caused so many problems for her children, just so she could be the center of attention. My siblings were equally as glad that she is gone.

Right? Focus on OTHERS instead of self. I swear I could call my mother and start telling her about some really devastating news in my life and she will listen for a few minutes and then very quickly switch to “let me tell you about my new office building.”

You don't need it! It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself, as it did in the past. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

@@emp9413 Thank you. I am very familiar with Richard Grannon s work. I am a big fan. I was moved by the beauty of a healthy interaction.

Do true...I can ONLY have these positive conversations in my head....or purhaps with my mom now that she's passed away.....I need more therepy...years more ☮️

@@EllenCPickle I'm sorry. Sending you love. Be happy for mum.

It’s ONE picture of healthy. Not all healthy parental relationships are this much of a TV moment. We all have shortcomings & can have a great parent who has shady moments. Doesn’t mean the relationship is unhealthy overall. Also, remember that culture & knowledge are critical factors. What’s rude here might be totally acceptable in a non-western family. That being said, healthy families shouldn’t vary too greatly from what’s shown here.

It doesn't affect me at all anymore, no self pity. We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego /the harsh inner critic that forms. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

When i ever i had a issue or problem i would to my dad and he would say what do you want me to do...so i would just say never mind and carry on as normal if i ever questioned it we would just end up arguing.

You don't need it! It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself, as it did in the past. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

Sadly, I feel you. Mine too.

That is such a thing!! I think it’s cause they can keep the mask on with the randoms.

@@222empress it’s because they’re still trying to meet their own needs and weren’t ready to have kids when they did 😞

I’m so afraid my son will see my as this and I’m trying to change.

@@penyarol83 yes

Ya get good at zoning out FOR SURE.

@@staceysheleyexprealty2897 You can't tolerate them if you don't. It'll be unbearable. I can only imagine.

@@jessicaberry87 ive been thinking about this a lot now. First, thank you for pointing this out. It helps so much reading the comments on these videos. This one was surprising to me because I hadn't realized how much I've done this with my lovely mother. I think sometimes when we've done stuff for so long or from when we are kids we don't have a label for stuff we do. We just do stuff. So thank you for the label. ❤ its valuable.

@@staceysheleyexprealty2897 You're welcome. It takes a lot of reflection to recognize and deconstruct our patterns and coping mechanisms.

I didn’t even notice that I did that until you pointed it out, but that’s exactly what I just did too. Especially when he said “I’m sure you’re tired of listening to the old man’s problems” omfg. My dad said that aaaaaaall the time! And nobody ever gave him ANY indication that they were tired of listening to him! Ugh.

Sounds like your mother wanted to get some "revenge" on you "leaving her". Hahaahha so much Drama! My mom is more of forgetful of my existence since I was I child, I think she was probably more like "What is this stuff doing around here, I need this space". She don't necessarily intends to harm people, she doesn't consider anyone else in her actions. I used to describe her as a teenager, like she never got through the teen drama angst. Now I know what narcisism is. One of the things I only understood after I left is how peaceful life can be, that life doesn't need to be a telenovela everyday. It is good to be out! Best wishes for you too!

Sounds eerily similar to the themes I had a problem with with my mom. She used to rummage through my stuff to "clean", made jokes about throwing stuff out of the window because it wasn't tidy enough, everyone was allowed to take my things (e.g. clothes) but I wasn't allowed to take theirs, she demanded the password for my laptop because she insisted on connecting it with the home network, she took a memory card with pictures of a holiday of mine with a friend to look through them without asking and then "lost" it, she threw away old childhood pictures because I "didn't look good in them", I still have boxes and some furniture at her place and know that she rummaged through them as well and is now using some of my stuff for herself. When my grandparents died and we both took care of their house, she went there and painted the walls orange/started to change everything overnight (when I found out by accident, she just laughed it off) etc. She also wanted to throw out my fathers stuff without telling him to get it first after they separated. When I tried to explain why that wouldn't be appropriate, she didn't get it, either. I am no contact atm but still have some childhood and sentimental stuff at hers. I'm fully prepared to find out she has thrown it all out, too.

I have experienced the same about 20 years ago. Throwing my things away without telling me anything, but my brother's things are still there. He is a golden child and I am, well, you know what.

@@tms843 Everything the narc does is intentional, they play clueless or dumb. But they always know what their doing. Narcs see your belongings as apart of you, so when they complain about them, trash them, "accidentally" break them, etc. It is always done on purpose to hurt you, to get a reaction, to let you know you mean nothing to them at all. It's also done out of jealousy and envy. They will do anything to destroy you and get supply, even if it's negative. I'm going through this with my narc mom, I've been catching her lately with all the sabotaging. She's goes quiet when busted, then comes back with fake niceness. She's not that smart as her tactics are obvious lol. Going no contact is my final step I refuse to put up any longer with her bs.

I'm so sorry. My mother told me this happened to her, done by her mother.

@@patrickteahanofficial This is the BEST content on KZfaq about relationships because it is not just theory.

Same here, I never got that with my mother or father, both toxic. Both impossible people and they get a lot worse as they get old in my experience. I said to my mother, my dad never asks how I am (im really ill), she said "well how do you think I feel"! Like wtf!

Same. Listening to the "healthy" father seemed extremely foreign and alien to listen to. I've never really had family 'step in' to help out with bills or reimbursements like that. And idk if it's because of how selfish they are, or, well, how "over compassionate" the "healthy dad" roleplay was.

Same here. I don't know why so many dads always seem to be overtly selfish asshats. Maybe because too many moms are enablers. That's how it was for me, anyway. Take care of yourself.

I relate. Both of my parents are narcissist. If I point out that I'm not interested in talking about their marriage or problems they go off and act like the victims. My whole childhood had revolved around their marital issues. They try to pin me against one another and if I end up talking on the phone with one of them the other acts as though I betrayed them. Its sick.

It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego /the harsh inner critic that forms. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).

Me: Establishes a boundary My mother: "YOU'RE BEING BRAINWASHED" Some people require dropping contact.

Me neither, the pain is real

Right back at you! It’s so hard having to leave old family behind, but it’s so necessary sometimes

@All Women EmpowHERed thank you so much for your encouragement and for taking the time to read and respond. Means so much! 💕💜

Hi Suzanne, regardless of how your parents treated you, I imagine that you are still going through the complicated process of grieving. It saddens me to read that you worry what others think of you, it is important that you start rebuilding your confidence and self esteem so that you can enjoy the life you deserve 💕 Take good care of your health with good nutrition, quality sleep and exercise. Are there any walking groups you could join in your area? Walking in nature can be very healing. Perhaps you could join a yoga class or friendly gym ? Take things slowly, be kind to yourself. Have a look on Amazon for books aimed towards improving self esteem and confidence, they will contain lots of helpful suggestions. I wish you all the best and hope you learn to enjoy life again (perhaps make a list of small goals you would like to achieve to get you started ? ) 😊💕

@@gillianm9367 I can’t thank you enough for your kind words. My favorite activity is swimming and I joined a gym with a pool but everything has been shut down since March. It’s hard for me to even walk around the block right now. I’m not giving up, it’s just an uphill battle. I talked to my therapist about trying to get a wheelchair to help me get out of the house. At least I could enjoy the nearby Zoos and aquariums comfortably. I am also working on getting more sleep. Thanks again 💜💜💜💜

Big hugs Suzanne 💗💗

@Anointed2Intercede thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! 💕

Setting boundaries is not confrontation. You are stating your needs and that is essential as you pave out your life and career. Be as polite as possible and maintain calm even if she loses her mind (focus on your breathing so that you don't put yourself into a panic/anxiety attack). See what happens when you set your boundary and seek out more information on how to deal with this issue going forward.

My mother died 44 years ago, I wish she was around to call :(

@@linsioux217 If she was never abusive and loving towards you then I am sorry for your loss.

Go no contact. Things will not get better, narcs do not and will not change. As your narc parent ages it's going to get worse. You can set boundaries and stand by them, but it's not going to stop the narc abuse. The best boundary is complete no contact. Your life is more important than trying to preserve a non existent relationship. Trust me it's just not worth it, cut your loses and be happy.

I feel you. These people just make everything about them in the end, meaning they figuratively abandon you and your needs in favour of their own. Boundaries are definitely a confrontation with these people but they're the ones who will confront you for setting the boundary lol. When a child (no matter age) is threatened with parental abandonment (anger is abandonment) for setting a boundary and it happens often enough, it sets you up to be afraid of conflict. Look, you don't need to tell her to stop per se, you can just let her know that you really don't want to talk about it. Or tell her that you've gotta go or whatever. Just distance yourself from her when she does that. Sometimes that's enough to convey the message. If not then maybe confrontation is due another day. Anyway your work is to make yourself secure/grounded enough that you don't need her validation. If she's immature enough to run away when you wanna act like adults then that's her loss. This isn't easy but it can be done. Wishing you the best

I find when you challenge a narcissist on their toxic behaviour they tend to fly into a rage.

@@miriammoriarty8588 Or collapse into tears--more victimhood because how could you hold your ground when they are CRYING?! What kind of monster wouldn't allow them to go on lying when they're clearly upset?

@@erinescence2095 yup had that one too!