One thing I’ve noticed about covert narcs is (as I describe my nex) are “professional victims” & nothing is ever their fault. They will always blame shift & I swear he told me the exact same sob stories about his childhood to blame his bad behaviour on over & over again until I was so exhausted I just didn’t care anymore. In the end I discarded him as I blew up at him one night after he triggered me for the millionth time & out came 2 years of suppressed rage. I immediately blocked him everywhere & am now almost 6 months no contact.

I experienced a lot of Covert rage, subtle jabs, passive aggression, sarcasm, deflection, invalidation, just to name a few…….

We didn’t live together so he never took his mask off in front of me. All this is very interesting Ben thank you for doing this. You have opened up a lot of my unknowns. It’s all very shocking. I’m 2 years into learning about this and it still shocks me.

This is my mother, but nobody would believe it because she is so two-faced! She's very sweet and polite to everyone, especially strangers, but is horrible to the immediate family (myself, my father, and my son), an amazing actress. Yet to her family and anyone who will listen, she is the victim. She has constant criticism and is extremely passive aggressive. She absolutely loves starting altercations then giving the silent treatment! You can see the silent rage in her eyes and smug look, a seething glare that is pure contempt. Sometimes she gets outright aggressive and goes into a rage- eyes bulging, fists clenched, teeth gritted, and screaming. She takes no accountability, and everything is someone else's fault. She is constantly the victim, even when she was actually the aggressor! I was never allowed to be a victim, even in opening up about situations where I was legitimately victimized, including SA. Even as a child, if I shared a problem I was having, her responses were, "Yeah, so? I dealt with that too, you're being too sensitive, you're being ridiculous, everything upsets you, or it's always something with you". I suffer from major depression and as a teen asked for help, a counselor or something. My concerns were dismissed, and I sank into a dark pit. I only received help after being sent to the hospital for a serious su*c*de attempt. Can you believe that in a meeting with the psychologist, she was telling me how much trouble I was in, and he had to explain to her that she should not ground me for that!! They then diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, and ADHD, and I finally got help. A couple years later a great therapist informed me that my parents are emotionally abusive. There are many times where her schadenfreude (someone taking pleasure from another's misfortune) has shown! I've seen her smirk countless times after berating me, upon seeing me get upset by saying things she knows hurt me. She has even laughed multiple times upon making me upset, yet of course denies any of that. This is a Machiavellian trait, so sometimes I wonder if she is a malignant narcissist. My father is also a narc, but he is the grandiose type and not as problematic as my mother. It was really difficult growing up as the only child of 2 narcs, being the scapegoat and black sheep of the family. Due to growing up around toxicity and believing it to be normal, I've been in multiple relationships with narcs too. I can't believe how many of us have dealt with this abuse!

Wow that explains my ex husband. I would watch him constantly lie to people about everything even the most simplest things and I could never understand why Thank you

Yes, and standing up for yourself made him feel that I can’t love him the way he wants. And he didn’t say that but his social media says so. I am appalled to see the post in which he has totally flipped the story and probably moved on to a new person so quickly!

Mine pretended to like and love the same things that I liked too. It was very malicious how he pretended to love me and care about me. He love bombed me like crazy and poured all kinds of attention all over me and whenever I didn't respond to his text messages or calls. He would get pissed off, for me not answering him at all. He would either give me the silent treatment for it or I would get full on rage for it.

My ex was very passive aggressive. His favourite method was both silent treatment, stonewalling. He would twist his wedding ring around his finger and crank his neck, silently warning me to stop talking. In the end he exploded because I wouldn't conform to how he wanted me to act. I honestly didn't realise what I was dealing with until I started reacting badly to his abuse, insomnia and crying all the time. He eventually became pysically aggressive😐 Time to leave.

I started reading the Bible, which caused me to look at myself differently, causing me to change. Because I was calmer, started to request he keep a respectful tone towards me, set up personal financial boundaries for myself which I did not break for him, he eventually lost it. His mask slipped when I started to get up at 5 am to read and pray and listen to woship. He could not take it. Amazing what my inner change made come to light. It had been all there, hidden in plain sight. Now, it’s so obvious

I think I've definitely come across a Covert Narcissist over the past three years in a friend, but because of my experience with my Ex who was an Overt Narcissist, I became wary, and when I stood my boundaries with them that's when they'd start being abusive. 🍒

Silent treatment was the hand I was dealt by him. Which confused me.

My ex demon.. . If he went out with friends and met new people he would take on the speech, slang and mannerisms of the people/ person he met. I remember looking at him thinking what a childish loser he was, however if I brought up that he was imitating others he would rage out

Constant criticism about what I ate when I put weight on (comfort eating) and about why I wanted a clean tidy house (the bare minimum, not even show home standard here) 😒 The silent rage / resentment yes 👍

Omg Ben 😭 I think you May have been sent by the heavens today because this is explaining a lot of The questions I'm having with my current boyfriend and I love Him so much 😭 This sucks 🙏💕May God give us All the strength

Exactly my story! Thank you ❤

I was in a long term marriage with a classic covert Narc. He had 15 jobs in 24 years. Is this typical? He seemed to be more married to his work than me, but he always caused some political shit storm. He was fired a lot and we moved a lot. I’m so glad to be free and in control of my own life and finances. I was just curious if anyone else has experienced this.

My male narcissistic coworker was jealous of me talking to other male coworkers about work and I heard him breathing heavy and I pretended not to hear him. I often feel some angry energy emitting from him. He admitted to me he's lazy about things he doesn't want to do. He "eventually" plans to be a truck driver. I have noticed about him he has bad personal hygiene covers his bad odor with cologne and cheats on his girlfriend with people he meets outside of work. Can you please talk about how narcissists often have a one track mind when it comes to getting involved in the lives of other people and don't notice that they have to work on their own life.

I just upset a covert narcissist. (It wasn’t intentional) i now realize what he is. And he is in a relationship with my sibling. I very concerned about what i should do moving forward. Concerned with what he will do

Shallow in discussion. Character trait aquisition, facade management. Identity disturbance. Alexithymia bc they are so other focused they don't know who they are.

My narc would be seemingly very calm (though passive aggressive) and the few explosions were shocking. He was deff covert vulnerable narc. His gig was gaslighting, financial control, sexual coercion, triangulation, entitlement and arrogance, selfish, cold and miserable etc I was trying to get him to step up around the house as I'd become disabled, and found myself constantly "nagging" and criticising (in his mind) his half hearted attempts (weaponised incompetence) so I'd always feel like I was the bad person even though I physically couldn't do it anymore and he was more than capable

This is great to know!

Great video, helped a lot. :)

My sister Yancy, Starla, my brother Mekel, my mom, and grandmother all behaved like this towards me for many years.

Thank you! 🤝🏻

This spot describes my ex Gabriel Gilbert's behavior.

Side line quarterbacks always " you should've"

Mine doesn't rage at all. As I keep looking into it there is also benign narcissist as well and was fitting.

My nex didn't do that really - we were polar opposites in many ways... He didn't like mushrooms and I loved them and within a few weeks he'd be eating them, and he was allergic to cats but came with me when I bought some kittens, and he got into gardening when I did (and now doesn't bother since we split) so maybe that was a bit... But honestly didn't have much in common...

No core self ....

I dated 3 covert narcs in a row. Why do you want to help people have been affected by covert narcs if you are one yourself?

😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂😅

You can’t make any decision without feeling.. it’ll get undermined or it would probably will not happened to taken with respect or serious.. Example: him: it’s a nice day let’s go do this and let’s the Sunset…. Me: ok, yay right now ? This is exciting I can’t wait ( happy and bubbling) Me: and also we should stop this place it’s would be on the way. Him: It’s closed by the time we finish. Or no that place has a bad rating. Oh no I’m not gonna drive all the way there. Not this time We can do it next time. In my experience no matter what I said suggest or idea .. opinion he will always reject it undermining it. Disregard it. never once he says it’s great idea let’s plan it. Never once. He is such a self loading miserable son of a bitch. If he put a dirty cup on the counter is ok, if I put My dirty cup on the counter exact same spot .. I am an inconsiderate like living in filth person. Anything and everything do around the house it’s ok…. I clean after him . Pick up after him .. cooking for him working and pay the bills.. but it’s never ok for me to do or make a solo decision .. even Turing in the fan in 100 degrees I have to get him to say ok turn it on.