Traits of A Covert Narcissist

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Raw Motivations

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 53

@baileysigmon591 5 ай бұрын

“They don’t make love, they take love.” That one resonated

@sahibvirk Жыл бұрын

05:30 Slow degradation is exactly what happened to me and this is why it is difficult to explain to a 3rd person no one understands the relevance of such small things.

@straightcashhomey1261 Жыл бұрын

You cannot tell a Narc about your feelings and have them hear them. It will always turn into “you’re telling me how to feel and behave” or “you’re listing all the reasons why I’m a piece of shit” and so on. They are incapable of relating to anyones feelings and will often freak out if the perceive your feelings as an attack on their character (which they always do).

@Arvyhernandez 2 жыл бұрын

Silent treatment is more of a covert narcissist characteristic.

@acd1168 Жыл бұрын

It’s terrible!

@MJ-qb5ph Жыл бұрын

Another big issue to add to this excellent commentary is that you end up behaving in an equally insane way to them in response to their crazy terrorism and bullying and then they behave like a normal person - it is like they have transfered their sickness onto you!

@emmamonroe3311 2 жыл бұрын

I wasn’t around him enough to see his words not matching his actions and didn’t care much either way. About 2.5 years after the accident he was over, we were laying in bed and he was sleeping and I just said to myself something must really be more wrong with his brain than just his depression then 5 months later I found out. He match a lot with covert vulnerable. Once you realize your heart sinks in to your stomach knowing this is the way in which he was raised to become due to his childhood. No fixing that. It’s deeply sad when you care about someone and know 9 times out of 10 they will always be trying to catch something that doesn’t exist. Sad.

@resilient8788 Жыл бұрын

My narcissist father would always say to me as a child in response to just about anything, " yah, but if you would had". It was like being condemned without reason. Ex covert narc boyfriend once gave me a fifteen minute lecture on the btu's in a light bulb because I asked his squatter self to be more mindful of turning off the lights. The list of demeaning comments and withholding of countless things was endless. Words rarely matched his actions. Both are examples of projection, envy and blame shifting to divert accountability, create fear and control. Heal from the childhood wounds by self reflection and know that others bad behavior is a reflection on them not you. Not everyone deserves a seat at your table of life, and that IS okay. Be good to yourself, hold to your boundries and always trust your instincts.

@robynwheatcraft7947 2 жыл бұрын

What's weird about my ex is that he displayed both overt and covert traits. Totally a victim in every other way but he also was great at raging, ranting and throwing things and physical abuse (not hitting but shoving, poking etc) he was rarely "passive" aggressive except for silent treatment, but in every other aspect he was the "poor me, pour me another drink" guy. "If it weren't for my bad childhood and how life just attacks me in every way I wouldn't be the way I am and I would actually be a great guy..."

@elsie8966 Жыл бұрын

Same he was a victim who faked that he'd do anything for anyone. But those closest to him got abuse. Used for money and lied to.

@christopherlittle9096 Жыл бұрын

You just described my wife. I am trying to get out of the marriage but she keeps pulling me back in making me feel sorry for her. She is really good at making me think everything is my fault. Bad thing is I am pretty well educated. Retired from the Marine Corps, thought I was relatively good reading people. This woman has my brain and gut all twisted.

@lysabelle3990 Жыл бұрын

Same except the abuse was all covert however he was very extroverted. When I met him he would say he was an introvert and I thought it was a joke but I now suspect the extroverted behavior was learned and not his natural way of being

@acd1168 Жыл бұрын

The projection. Whew those are painful. Giving me problems I didn’t even know existed 😂

@misspee9165 Жыл бұрын

Mine will give you silent treatment after they mess up the relationship they have no time to b sorry or to act like it..u end up being the sorry one and trying to fix the happy mood of the relationship ..the cycle is endless ..now im tired

@Alabamasparra 2 жыл бұрын

They are hidden and it's horrible the mask slips though and the lies come out but it's too late the hurt is done by the time you figure it. It's tragic xx

@dushkakruyer2150 9 ай бұрын

Yes please do a video on the way they don’t protect you and rather protect others at your expense

@dianaalyssa8726 Жыл бұрын

Covert narc was really quiet most times, wouldn't talk much, narc tears, narc rage yelling, playing the victim. He hoovered a lot in my backyard, stealing/breaking and entering. Am not the first target. Have been NC for a couple years.

@carinasjogren67 Жыл бұрын

I discovered small details but it was very hard to discover . I read and understood that it was a cover Nancy , it was like having a relationship with a child many times. I got him to admit that he had cheated me with five women under 2,5 year . He shouted and was so angry- five ! - are you satisfied !!!! I said- If it’s true, it’s bigger for you because I already knew!! I did this many times. He still coming back to me. Stakes me. Thanks for your information Ben!! You save life’s!! I know he will be back sun. 🇸🇪🔥🙈

@valerieshy8749 Жыл бұрын

Covert Narcissist with Serious Passive Aggressive Issues quite obvious over the last 15 year NOW that I've learned from sites such as yours about this topic. Meaningful date: MIL walked around our wedding bothering guests to have them write a mesage on fabric for a quilt she said she was making. No quilt ever made as NONE was made for another wedding (her daughter's back in 2004) where she did the SAME thing - accosting guests to get attention. She couldn't STAND that the day was NOT about her and annoyed all of of our guests with some BS story of how she was such a doting MIL.She lies about the quilt still being "in progress" of making to this date. Unreal to me, but it's my MIL.

@cherrybacon3319 Жыл бұрын

All the 'Spectrums of Narcissists' have the same abusive cycles of Idealisation, Love-Bombing, Gaslighting, Projection, Devaluation, Discard and Hoovering. Some are slightly different to each other on how they deliver these cycles. My Ex could be all these types. 🍒

@fedesperanza1867 2 жыл бұрын

Covert narcissists aren't openly grandiose but they definitely display "covert" entitlement. The entitlement may emerge when they receive a gift/offer which they feel is inferior to their expectations or less than what they believe they deserve. The result is fake gratitude upfront and indignation behind the scenes. Entitlement may also appear when they aren't invited to an event or don't receive recognition: their reactions are jelousy and victimization.

@SewDiva5691 2 жыл бұрын

Covert vulnerable narc in my life acts like a victim with a paranoia like others are out to get them (her and her 18 year old daughter). The sad thing is that her daughter has some narc traits like her parent even more now than 5 years ago. Ben, if you haven’t done so yet, can you do a video about what’s it like when narc parents transfer their pain to their own children? I def wanna get that book you’re reading from in this video. Thanks✌️

@rainarelaford1504 Жыл бұрын

VALIDATING...that my experience was real...thank you.

@melanieknowles7002 2 жыл бұрын

Covert narc.....street angel. House devil. May the good Lord have mercy on their souls....or not.

@finchman1 Жыл бұрын

Sums it up perfectly.

@fernandocastro3531 Жыл бұрын

Wow, yeah that would be a good video to make of how they are not protective of you but are of other people. I always thought they just control and pretend to care about everyone but that is just an excuse they use for control.

@rebekahjette6304 2 жыл бұрын

This describes it perfectly‼️

@emmamonroe3311 2 жыл бұрын

Silent treatment once again they are doing that becuz they are the victim. They never do anything other than to silence the relationship. Your bad not me lol. They are delusional.🤡🤡🤡👈🏻 Thank you Ben. It’s beyond unbelievable and hidden that’s why it’s called covert though, right.

@Proposal12 Жыл бұрын

I don´t think "silent treatment" is exclusive to narcissim alone. I do it with my girlfriend and also told her why I do it when she would start arguments. I need my space to cool down for myself so I dont let it all out on her in a very unfair way. And yes females know how to provoke, push certain buttons and then wonder "why". Give people space and dont go into an argument, because thats excatly what you will get, even in healthy relationships. KNow when to back off and let the person be. She understands that I need it and then we have a more productive conversation....

@elsie8966 Жыл бұрын

My covert shouted and was verbally horrible. Evil tongue. But he played victim. He was always down on his luck..victim of everyone and everything.

@emmamonroe3311 2 жыл бұрын

They book is next on my list. Only have one chapter left of do you know who I am book by the Doctor you recommended. Thank you.

@eightysevenpages8386 2 жыл бұрын

Will a narcissist lie about going to therapy? And pretend to self reflect?

@RawMotivations 2 жыл бұрын

Yes sure thing

@susannes3254 2 жыл бұрын

@EightySevenPages- yes they can lie about therapy. My ex narcissist lied to his previous partner about going to therapy. He told her he’d gone to 15 sessions and even gave her updates on how it was going and how he felt he’d made progress. The truth was that he went to one session and quit because the therapist “pissed him off” (his words). That relationship ended as expected, and I had the privilege of seeing the text messages he’d sent his girlfriend about how therapy was going. I found this all out after I’d left him, and his ability to go to such lengths to lie in great detail, was shocking but confirmation that he had serious issues. They can lie about anything if it will benefit themselves or get them out of trouble. Your gut usually tells you when they’re lying, so trust your own intuition and be careful. 💙

@eightysevenpages8386 2 жыл бұрын

@@susannes3254 I had a pretty strong feeling that she was lying. But I couldn’t understand why anyone would lie about going to therapy especially when I didn’t ask her to go. One night after one of her “sessions” she was so excited and said that she had solidified that she had found the right therapist. Not believing her the very next morning I asked if she would recommend her therapist to me and she said you would like them, they’re not that good I’m planning to look for another therapist; we should look for one together. Thank you for sharing your story and reassuring that I’m not crazy.

@susannes3254 2 жыл бұрын

@@eightysevenpages8386 one thing I regret is not having listened to my intuition earlier in my 5 year relationship. It always proved to be spot on and would have saved me years of further misery and cycles of their toxic patterns. Our intuition is a protection mechanism and we don’t always have to even find the proof to know that we are being lied to or mistreated. Once we know, we should go, and when we wonder if there is something better out there, that is further confirmation that we deserve better. Good luck to you! Be encouraged:)

@eightysevenpages8386 2 жыл бұрын

@@susannes3254 Thank you!

@lmoola9 2 жыл бұрын

is all of this conscious?? , like are they actively using these tactics thinking "i want to control them and this will confuse them""

@twi1__12j Жыл бұрын

No not totally conscious not totally unconscious

@paintedtreasures198 Жыл бұрын

Can they demonstrate both overt and covert characteristics?

@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын

yes

@oliveknaus 2 жыл бұрын

I love your videos! Using the word “like” too much though. It is distracting….

@RawMotivations 2 жыл бұрын

Oops. Thanks :)

@oliveknaus 2 жыл бұрын

@@RawMotivations TY for your content it is very helpful ❤️

@violetgypsie 2 жыл бұрын

Never noticed it and still don’t notice it.

@oliveknaus 2 жыл бұрын

@@violetgypsie when I listen to a self aware narcissist on you tube I Intently listen to every word they speak so I can gain knowledge and I hear EVERY word they say.

@user-kf3yz7so6q Ай бұрын

@@oliveknausDon’t be so patronising!!! Are you a narcissist??