Have you done any videos on covert narc mothers/fathers please?

@@alisonwraight2020 I’ve made videos on narcissistic parents yes

@@DarrenFMagee Thank you. I couldn't see any in the playlists but will search further.

I haven't really looked into it or searched for videos but I'm curious if these covert types can get professional help and actually awaken to their ways of being?

You are a wonderful psychologist !! Thank You!! Topic suggestion . How about "when the Narc husband is outwardly telling the wife he hates her " and "how the Narcissist behaves on vacations". OMGosh.. don't ever go on a three day canoe trip together ... it's the wife, the canoe and the wilderness... he gets you out there alone and starts the berating , of course it is ur fault for "starting it" like you do every time. Just a suggestion .. thank you soo much!!

I’m going to remember that, playing chess with a pigeon. Brilliant,

I feel you. It makes me sad & He forgets the lie told 2 minutes ago.

Hahahaha 😁 yes that's exactly correct

Oh you made me laugh so hard, you certainly enjoy a comical overview. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

😂🤣 How true & love the analogy!!

❤

It's so horrible!! And them they come back talking about how so&so thinks this about them, is so surprised by there ability for mature conversations, so respectful...blah blah blah...and then at home you get the ignorant ass that is so self-absorbed with their own awesomeness and how much everyone else likes them. ummmm, that's coz no-one else is dealing with the same crap as you 🤦‍♀️

Soul-sucking is exactly what they are...just like the un-dead

Yup everyone thought mine was such a great guy. Soul sucking is on point.

run

Marti Walsh. Lucky you, I was blamed.

No idea was a good idea unless it was his idea.

Thats something good to realise I think. Its true, one could not experience an actual real marriage when one is a narc, so true. Makes you think, how does that affect the children if any, in that situation. Their expoaure to marriage is what?

It angers me that I was duped for not only the 11 years of marraige but the other many years connected to it because I didn't understand till recently that he fit the whole covert narc persona. I am grateful for these videos educating me.

@@ericnorthman9410 Why does it take us so long to see what is really going on? But we can be thankful that we didn't take any longer. I wish everybody could wake up with the snap of the fingers but that's just not how it works.

Omg yes

Oh yes, this has been my experience over and over, thank you for saying this - recognising his behaviours in other‘s comments has been so helpful at untangling the insanity.

Weaponised incompetence. Weaponised ignorance. Selective memory… It goes on and on…

Strategic incompetence

Cheryl: Omg!! I thought it only happened to me. No one else on any Narcissist site ever mentioned this. I wonder why. I spilled my guts out so many times about this lunatic! Thank you!

Big hugs! I felt your wods deeply...I am in the same boat. I feel like my life could have had so much more love in it if I had not been conned by the narc. Best of luck to us both!

❤

You’re not alone. 34 years it was, for me. Free now.

same here....29 years, free for a year now and LOVING it! Like a vacation with no end date!

Amen!

Jacqueline Gallagher,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

Totally. That's as far as they're emotional arrested self can grow to. Not past 11 years old. Your lucky he reached 11 in a grown mans body. Mine is 4 years old but once in a while acts like 10 - if I'm lucky..

@@christianpulisic7784 She has a nice face and smile.

My ex-husband wanted a mommy so he could be a little boy with his toys. My brother is like this too. He has the mind of an eight year old and thinks the world revolves around him. More and more I'm realizing I married my brother. I am grossed out inside at the thought because I hate HATE my brother. I reckon I hate my ex-husband too. Immature, bratty, selfish, rude, egocentric, and dumb.

@@spacegirl226 The first part is exactly like my husband.

Thank you for sharing. I was raised by a narc mother. And father with very strong narc tendencies. I've had relationships with very narcissistic men....2 of them which share the same birthday. The most recent and 2nd relationship has been very eye opening. And you stated your mother never broke rank. That was an ongoing theme with the last one. Don't break rank, he always wanted me to stick and stand beside him but would never reciprocate it. And if there was anything that resembled it, I could tell it was fake. What a relief that must have been for you and your mother to have that moment of honesty and clarity. I hope that you're healing and happy.

Thank you for sharing. I am the mom and soon to be x wife. How do I help my children from your point of view. At the moment my narc moved in with his mistress and doesn’t see the kids I guess that is a win.

I used to pray for my parents to divorce when i was young. I didn't know it was considered sinful, i just thought i was asking God for something that seemed like the right thing to do. They are still married, and i still wish they were divorced.

@@LaurenBV Thank you all for sharing. I am also the mom & soon to be ex-wife, except in my case, my kids believe him because I haven’t broken rank. He asked for a divorce after 27 years and, with God‘s guidance, I’m accepting it & moving on with my own life. I’m also open to suggestions or ideas on how to help my kids not suffer or be deceived anymore by him. I have 3 young adults & a 15-year-old. I worry most about my 15-year-old son because he will still be living with my ex-husband, for the longer than my other kids.

God I wish our couples therapist had had my back.

​@@thisbeem2714 the narcs are good at manipulating the therapist to side with them.

I actually told my husband “you have trained me well to not have an issue or confront you on a problem. It’s just not acknowledged no matter how much I tried to discuss. “ he just looked at me kind of sad face but no verbal response. This was a few years ago before I even heard of covert narcissist. 33 years in our relationship slowly deteriorated

That hit a nerve. I'm not allowed to have an opinion without it being taken as a personal attack, even if I said nothing at all about him. Another way of saying that is, If I say something he disagrees with, he takes it as a personal attack. One must not have an opinion and one must not ever have a passionate opinion, these are NEVER allowed. 🤣 I jest, but at the end of the day you just stop saying anything to stop them from making out you're some kind of monster, who is out to get them with your harmful opinions. So now we just have long uncomfortsble pregnant pauses instead of two way conversations, because conversations were only ever started by you. And now you start nothing, to avoid upset and conflict. 🥴

That hit a nerve. I have said that so many times. I gave up trying to have an opinion a long time ago. We've been apart now for 4 years. He still tries to give me my opinion and tell me he has to make my decisions because I do it wrong. We share a twelve year old child. But about 2 weeks ago, I just blocked him. I told our son he can text him if he wants to see him and let me know. But if he has my number its nothing but the same things I dealt with for 10 years and I need to be finished with all that. When he texted me to yell about my tattoo I got with my best friend to tell me how he couldn't believe I would do that to him (She reminds him of the worst part of our marriage when I told him I wanted out). Getting a Sisters tattoo with MY best friend of 10 years was somehow a jab at him. I still don't get it.

“Trained to not have an opinion” wow. You’re right. I find myself saying things like “well he didn’t really make me do X, just knew what to say and how to act for me to just do X.” Or “I didn’t want to do X, I would not have given up X, but I did do X AND it was somehow my idea.” I used to brag about not doing anything, not taking a breath if he did not approve. It’s crazy. I have never felt pure hatred and disgust the way I do in these days. Hopefully with enough therapy and support I (we) can figure out how to exist peacefully within ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally. It’s too dangerous hoping anyone else is willing to do it lol

I act stupid on purpose just so I don't have to answer sadistic questioning. Because even though he is asking because he is unsure insecure I'm always wrong, I can agree with him and I am stupid and wrong so I act dumb.

Sooo true…..

I call them fauxpologies...like the" I'm sorry I am not the way you want or the husband you want, mother you want etc...or I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you. Not an apology at all. It is all a way to blame shift and paint you negatively

Oh my goodness. The "I was just joking." after saying demeaning things about me and then "You're so sensitive" when you get upset about it.

He will manipulate the children to turn against you and hate you. Mine did that to me

I understand you well... He is always more sick than I am. But the therapist helped us a lot.

A big kudos to you for taking back your life! As a child to a cover, passive-aggressive narc husband, I wished my mother had had the courage to leave him. I would have strongly preferred growing up without him, no matter how difficult life is with a single mom and another sibling. I cheer you and your children on!

You describe what I also went through for 16 years, except we never had children. When I had breast cancer he could barely be bothered to pick me up from the outpatient surgery and then told me he was taking me off of his medical insurance at work. He was constantly ogling girls and I'm pretty sure he was finding sex elsewhere as well as being addicted to porn, Webcam, etc. When I finally divorced him he still got half of profit on house sale because I stupidly still felt sorry for him. And then he went on to badmouth me to our friends and all the while still having multiple affairs

Te entiendo perfectamente, estoy enferma de cancer y para el aun no estoy suficiente emferma para que me tengan que ayudar.

The pain is real when you live with these evil people. For me it has been 25 yrs. Not a day goes by without feeling his wrath. As I am writing he is packing to sleep in another room. I will get a good nights rest tonight and could not be happier. I AM SO SICK OF THE GAMES!!! What is so hard about showing love? Why can they not show love to their spouse but can show love to every human besides you. So crazy!

Sure no problem. (Just in case he doesn't answer back to you)

Penney: Doesn't it hurt? It hurt to see someone else really explain this bad man in my life. I'm no longer hurt about it. I didn't know this information is well-known until I did my homework. It is not easily offered. Many councilors are not trained or knowledgeable about Narcissists and that pisses me off right there. So many I went to; to deal with this assh-le.

@@christbeliever4407 Tell me about it. The constant tug of war for something simple. To try to have a normal, healthy conversation isn't going to happen. To be with these ones is toxic as ever. Nothing ever got resolved because he would dart down the hall to his bedroom and slam the door. Ok , another night with the loser, temper tantrum of a 4 year old in a grown mans body and top engineer for 45 years. Let me outta here, (If I can only find the door )

30 years here. My youth.....

Yep, that's mine too

They are sick but love what they are doing

Crazy making!

same, 20 years. So sorry, hope you are free now.

@@tayjay1164 I'm doing great. Thanks!

When I get that response I say, "Did you eat off the dishes? So, they're also your dishes and they need to be cleaned. What makes them MY dishes? Well then, who do you think needs to clean up the dishes? The fairies?" If it is the clothes then a similar response is, "Did you wear any of those clothes? So what makes them MY clothes?"..... you can see how this goes.

@@soniaorel3730 yes well thankfully he is long gone. But if I had said that at the time there would have been yelling at me slamming doors, storming and driving off with a skid and a roar. And it would have been my fault for meaning so mean as to not be grateful. Narcissists control you with anger because you’ve met met anyone like them before and don’t understand they have an unfixable personality disorder So glad it’s over.

We have a saying in Jamaica- men are also born with hands. Slavery has been long abolished!😂

OMG. My covert narc husband does the same thing!!! He makes sure to magnify the “YOUR”. Nothing was ever ours, except for the money I made!! POS!!

Mine would smirk when he claimed that he couldn't recall conversations.

I cannot believe HOW MANY women are going through this same horrible experience!!! I have been dealing with this for 36 years!

Your story could be mine... Every single line. If I had the guts to say it all, I'd say the exact things...

❤

This was one of the things my ex narc husband did that drove me crazy. He never listened to anything I said. He never answered any of my questions. It was like he didn’t even know I was there. Yet when he had some to say he demanded my attention. It took me a long time, but I finally divorced him, and life is peaceful again.

I recognise this! Talking endlessly about himself, occasionally asking how I felt about something or what I thought, then after ignoring or dismissing anything I said would rearrange my words and apply them back to himself as though he was creating some astounding new insight, relentless self pitying, never any forward progress and no real communication because he never listened except to steal my words. One day he turned to me and asked me why I seemed so listless all the time. So I told him the truth. He replied "I can't accept that" and our marriage of 24 years ended with that sentence.

Same

I just said the same thing about my husband! Thank you for enlightening us, Darren.

A vulnerable or covert one at that!

Man... This is unbelievable.

Same! Married 32 years & just found out a few years ago what he is & that there is a name for what I'm enduring. Now I'm learning how to cope with it. Thank goodness I finally found a therapist who understands!

Get out. They never change.

“Toxic amnesia” resonated with me, too. I remember a period of time several years ago when my soon to be ex-husband and I were separated because of the damage he did to my oldest. I was in intensive therapy with her during the day and spending my nights - hours and hours every night - trying to bring him along and share with him the lessons we were learning in therapy. I’d try to pick up from where we left off only a day or two before and it was like I’d never said a word. It was so hard for me to divorce his word from his actions, even to see that there was a discrepancy. Even today, almost 18 months after our physical split, I am still just now seeing patterns of behavior that I didn’t recognize before for what they were. Healing is definitely a journey. Hang in there, everybody.

N V: So true. We both have been through this sickening treatment. How dear they do this to us? They can kiss my ass. I will heal and be better than ever and I don't want to be bothered with another psycho again. If I meet another one they better run not me. 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️

Andrea Glover: You are so right !

My thoughts exactly and it's been 34years of mental and emotional destructive hell. Although we have been separated sev times over the past 34 years, had restraining orders etc. But I was always in therapy and our kids too. I was so much stronger and younger back then and I had a lot of determination and much more confidence and high self esteem compared to now. I want it back so I can make a plan and be motivated again to build my own life and be independent, self reliant and do whatever it takes to make it before my mind and physical health are completely damaged beyond repair. Oh gosh I am ready yet don't know what or how to get started. I have to learn and relearn many skills so I can get a job bc I haven't worked in 15 yrs. My kids are all adults now so I am able to just focus on me but it seems so foreign to me and as if I have completely lost myself. I would rather die trying than miserable and with unfulfilled dreams and experiences in life. It's never too late for change and to learn new things. However, I have no support team whatsoever and no family. I need to get some ideas and info on how and what I have to do to get moving towards the goal of freedom and independence etc. Hang in there and I hope you can find your way to happiness one day. Take care.

There’s always hope....❤️

@@butterflyyy8639 Yep. Good ole hope

Andrea Glover: They are the worst. What terrible mth fckrs They are. My husband is a Covert Narcissist. How long were you with yours?

Same.

Mine too. 54 years of it. Gone now. I threw him out, kept him away and divorced him going grey rock for the last few years. I am free - and lead a peaceful life.

@@judyscheiber3661 44 years for me.

10 years....and a 5 yr old child who already suffers cosequences of his aloofness and my frustration.

@@morskaprasica Think of a therapy. It could help a lot.

I think trying to make sense of someone who doesn't make sense can drive a person insane. Especially when we see the inconsistencies between the public and the private face. Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope you're in a better place today.

There isn’t any sense to be made other then he is playing a role for others and in front of others; a role that he doesn’t play for you. You see the real him.

G Force.....yes! The mind screw of cognitive dissonance kept me stuck for too many years.

I am so sorry you experienced that. I have too. I still cry. It just never stops. I feel like I find out something new every single day. It is heartbreaking.

So sorry for your pain

My sentiments too. 100%.

Same here, 💯 percent accurate description of my husband too.

Exactly my thoughts

100% my case as well.

Yep! Same here! Exactly like my ex.. thank God it’s over. Took almost 6 years to feel ok again after 15 years of wasted time with that idiot.

I have one of those too! After 45 years of doing all the housework, all the washing, doing the garden, washing the cars, looking after the children - often all alone when they were sick and he was away - I am getting tired but now in old age (he’s older than me) it has given him an excuse for doing nothing! Don’t suffer it as long as I have done. Take good care of yourself, because he sure isn’t going to!

Why are you still with him? Leave!

My ex-husband was like this too. I couldn't get him to help me with anything. After my discard, I had to show him how the vacuum cleaner worked because he never once touched it during our marriage. When he started washing the dishes himself, I knew something was up because he had NEVER done it before. Sure enough, he dropped the hammer and said he wanted a divorce. Now he was doing the dishes because he HAD to, not because he wanted to be thoughtful and help me out. Good riddance.

But honestly ladies: WHY?! 😩 Why do you play the role of cleaning ladies? I would have zero respect and couldn‘t even be friends with such a useless wiener princess... 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh, I hear you!! The best one for me was when he asked me about his clothes and I said they were in the dryer and he could get them himself since I was busy and he said, “ Which one is the dryer?”. I sometimes wonder if I’m an enabler of this behavior but usually realize I live a single life within a married life and make the best of it at this late age. These videos help me so much, they give me validation that I’m not losing my mind.

Same, but I don't have a way out till the kids are grown. They would hate me as they love their father and don't understand/comprehend the complexities of the relationship. I waste no time trying to please him, I can't stand being in a conversation with him for more than a few minutes and I constantly challenge his delusional state. I refuse to just tolerate the shit any more. Unfortunately my kids don't see that I'm on edge because of the traumatic nature of being in a relationship with someone like that, and that I'm just a bitch because I argue with him. I hope one day they see beyond his delusional outcry of 'I've done nothing wrong', 'it was just a joke', and 'you expect too much'.

Good for you. Hope it’s going well ❤️

@ Molly Dooker: Awesomeness! Good for you and for standing in your power even though it's probably very difficult a lot of the time. I love that you are so very much determined that enough is enough! Very empowering!

THIS!

Is it not crazy!? You ask the same question over and over because you think they did not hear you and then they chew your head off for asking more than once. It is a total set up! It is one of my mans favorite games to play. As of today.....im no longer playing. After the spy gear is put in place then I will have the truth of his secret world. I am actually excited to outsmart this evil man and have proof to show everyone that he has been fake for 25 yrs.

🖐️🌹😞

@@christbeliever4407 I have thought of doing the same thing!!!! Recording it so that others can see the truth.

Oh my word. I am shocked that you just described my husband in detail. I didn’t know it was a thing until I read this. For 25 years and counting … I never considered myself a victim of abuse. It’s a little hard to swallow. I can’t understand why I have accepted so little and given so much. I realized I have no idea what it’s like to be cared for. At least I know I’m in fact NOT crazy, and everything actually isn’t my problem.

Awesome 👏

Me too

Hope you made it out. 21 years later I'll tell you it was the best decision I ever made. I know everyone's life has so many different variables. But it was the only way to keep physically and mentally somewhat there. After 21 years he still tries to peek into my world through my sons. No. That was never earned. That is what I earned. I hope that you are ok.

@@kaystephens2672 Kay good for you!Im dying to leave been married for thirty years!never knew about Narcissistic abuse until past few years.I have learnt allot now but he’s losing control and being more manipulative more tantrums locking things away.It is absolutely crazy!I have elder sons who are supporting me to get out of this house but also two younger ones at schools local.I just woke up this morning to do a tea and found the kettle gone!he plays games non stop.

@@zainabstewartstewart9585 you are so welcome. I will tell you I'm 61. I've been divorced for 21 years. My sons are adults too. But I see him in them. I think it's inevitable. I planned my escape for a year with my boys. It was hard and well worth it though. It's still hard, but at least you can put all of your precious energy into yourself. Your kids. Getting a divorce was the last thing I wanted. Taboo to my side of the family. Always remember this. Nothing, I mean nothing he ever said to you about who or what you were was ever true. I've watched every video, every perspective I can and the Truth is we were catering to a 2 year child in a man's body. That is the only explanation I always come back to. They do sell themselves very well in the beginning. But they are pushy, too self confident. Shortly thereafter they always show what they really are. Degrading, temper tantrum throwing babies. In truth, we tolerate these brats for the sake of food and shelter. For the hope they'll (get it). They can't get it. I know you know what I'm talking about. My purpose of this text is to spare people like you the waste of more of your precious life for you and your kids lives trying to ever even consider for 1 second you could ever "fix" them. They are a lost cause. There is no hope for them. It's not sad and it was never, ever any of your fault. I woke up this morning and my 1st thought was it's like beating a dead horse. They just don't have something we take for granted in ourselves and assume they have. And that is the Truth. Your truth. Your purpose. Your life you must reclaim. I have chosen to open up that chapter in my life since Christmas of last year when he waltzed back into my son's life. I felt betrayed and told him it was either him or me. He chose me. I urged him to see that he was only a tool and to critically evaluate their conversation. He now sees that even now, it was an attempt to gather any data he could get. Even now. I've considered suing him and if he continues I may pursue that. I have come too far to play these childish games. Stand your ground. Built your own secure foundation. I know this letter is lengthy but I went through the same thing. And really and truly, never tolerate a child to run your life. I have nothing from this person. I gave him everything but my children. Never settle for their fear to control you ever again. I wish you the best and you will make it. If I can, I promise you, you can.

@ Joy: Amen! You just described my husband and 1 of his most disturbing behaviors, that he is Mr. Nice Guy, a good dad, helpful and friendly, but how sorry many people feel for him for having to take care of everything and me bc I don't work, I am crazy, an alcoholic, mentally ill, lazy and a loser, etc. . He plays the victim and has mastered the art of it over time, yet he's a fricken nightmare to live with, to talk to about anything and he's a horrible mean nasty and shady man that is actually very antisocial but he plays his learned and rehearsed role pretty well after all these years! However, part of the role includes complete smear campaign against me his wife, to our family, 4 kids and to everyone who is willing to listen. He is a master at it and they actually believe his lies and exaggerated twisted stories about ME. I hate it for the kids and it sickens me. I have gotten so I just want to isolate and not be around them with him so they think I am whatever he says. Lord almighty! I am clueless as to how to handle and deal with this.

@@sugarpie1226 it takes time to plan. I did it by myself. Things have a way of working out. It did for me. Every time that child throws a tantrum tell yourself "one day". Always remember, you're dealing with a child and his set of rules. Never ever give up. 20 years later I'm telling you you can do this. And just because people look big it doesn't mean they're frown up. Also, remember the saying " are you kidding me?" There's a world of truth to that.

Thank you for your suggestion, it’s is a topic that has come up a few times. I’ll make a video on that

Omg! You just described my life!! Going through a divorce now after being married for 25 years. He has purposely dragged it out causing us both to spend a sick amount of money on the legal games just to punish me. Very sick individuals.

Try divorcing a narcissistic judge. Try to get a decent divorce attorney to represent you in that situation.

@@catsinhouse I cannot imagine it. It's stalemate. I'm battling . This is known as Coercive Control and it needs speaking out on. This is a crime in itself.

I knew one of those guys working so hard for the family, pity party every day, oh poor xfftyuj! You must sit down! Relax! He received money from family to help him out etc etc- turned out, he had a gambling problem hidden by his tiredness of looking after the family and working long hours, doing do gooding. The people who gave him the $ handouts to help him - remained in denial about the the gambling. They asked him. " Do you have a gambling problem? " He replied. " I. have. gambled! But I dont have a problem? They said. "See! I just asked him outright, and he said he doesnt have a problem! That opens your eyes.

But then accuse you of “playing victim”, if you mention something he did that hurt you, right? Master manipulators.

Is that not crazy or what? Why do they have so much hate for the one who is not the monster? Why can they not just love you and be kind? They just canmot do it....EVER!!!! :(

Mine too. I'm really pissed. F- ck them! It's ok cause i need to heal now.

me too. Wasted my youth on him. I am so sorry. You deserve better.

Yes from 26-30. I’m pissed off because I moved from the US to the Australia and it’s hard for me to leave. 4.5yrs wasted in pain and misery😑

I hope you get the help and support you need. Thank you for sharing

Your comment took my breath away. My fingers feel like jelly and I’m shaking as I type this. You wrote what I have been living. I have been married seven years. The hardest thing, is that he acts like this when he drinks. When he doesn’t drink, he’s a pretty good guy. He doesn’t always get drunk, either. But he always acts this way. He has to stop drinking, entirely, in order to stop it. Alcohol “induced”narcissism 🤦🏻‍♀️. Best of luck to you. Sending prayers up for both of us!

What is your timeline for leaving this loser. You deserve much better. Being by yourself woukd be better.

I totally agree with you looking for a way out. Save yourself the damages. I've been married to 1 for 13 years, and I'm working on doing the same. It's too much to bear. We as women, even moreso humans, deserves Best. Enough is enough.

It doesn’t get better with time in my experience. I hope you have gotten out and found a better path and partner too if you’re ready.

For sure!

I think we are the types that avoid the grandiose and these coverts know that and pretended to be opposite until we committed to the relationship. And then I noticed most of us stayed for very long time over 15 years in most comments. We were keepers, they knew it and did their best not to lose us but made it hell when it didn't need to be because we are genuine but the exhaustion and mind games can only be tolerated so long and either they cheat and we leave or we emotionally check out like grey Rick method or just having tried everything say times up. In the end they self sabotaged the good thing they had and know it but hate the good thing instead of seeking help to stop their disordered behaviors. Just my opinion

@@amandachilds5290 makes a lot of sense Amanda.

i was identifying right along with you until you said he wouldn’t let you take showers…why??? what was his reasoning???

@@LaciRae because if she started to take care of herself and build up her self esteem, she would figure out that he is nothing but an abusive piece of 💩

@@LaciRae ...he sounds like the corrupt Warden at Shaws hank Prison...

Wow. I went through the same thing with a man-child. I couldn't leave the house alone, couldn't talk to anyone alone, couldn't go to the bathroom or shower without him right there, no privacy, the door had to remain open, he'd lock me inside the apartment we lived in that he picked out for that purpose. It had doors that couldn't be unlocked from inside and high small windows up against tall thick bushes (he thought I wouldn't figure out how to get out, but I did just to get fresh air and be in nature while he was gone getting his drugs). He'd beat me up later if a man looked at or complimented me while we were in public. He'd say if was my fault. He'd threaten my life. Ugh. I could go on and on, but it gets graphic so I'll stop. What a horrible, horrible person. I can't believe I made it out alive.

The very picture of my life. For over 35 years I ‘ ve been asking myself if I lead a happy family life. I loved my husband and ignored some of his traits because they were in the background as soon as he lead an active businesslike way if life. I was actually content. But since rent all the above listed characteristics have become the only core. In addition he broke connections with our grown-up children blaming them for not having reached high professional positions and suffering extremely himself calling them names He Broke connections with his brother ( for old financial problems) and uncle ( for criticism). True I am the only person I know still having contact with him, which has become cold and superficial. We stopped celebrating birthdays and holidays and inviting people or going on visits, because the table conversations centre round his personality, he is talkative and not stoppable. My question is whether narcissistic people are aware of their disorder? Will therapy help? They suffer a lot , too, and cannot enjoy normal life 😞

@@omagaga8798 hi, and well done fir sharing your story. In answer to your question he won't change. They can't, the chemicals released in his brain won't allow him to change, he gets a high from letting out that narcissistic anger/rage. Look up the cycle of abuse, read Why does he do that, by Lundy Bancroft, you can download it for free too or get a hard copy to read whatever you prefer. We too have a similar chemical release which can be explained as trauma bonding. Think of how you felt when you first fell in love, the chemicals released are the same as when we have a child, or bonding chemicals, BUT, here's the rub, those exact same chemicals are released when we are afraid, in flight/freeze/flee mode. So when the same person under two different scenarios is causing same chemical reaction in us, that's why it gets so confusing, ie, he loves me, he hates me. I left my husband of nearly 3 decades, 3 years ago, divorce pending. It's not been easy, but living on my own without constant criticism and fear is definitely way better than living with him.

Awwe. I understand. They are Never happy for your accomplishments because of who they are not.

That's when you say let me just stop you. I'm not into people who can't be supportive to people they supposedly care about even if the topic is boring or beyond them! You deserve better and honesty is not always truth...he was honest in a way but it was not the real truth...

They're jealous of you and will never support your dreams and endeavours.

Yes, my ex never cared at all for anything I enjoyed/wanted to go do with him (unless it was something HE was interested in), never wanted to listen to me or hear anything o had to say. But god forbid I should ignore HIM when he is telling his tales and lies, and if I decided I wasn't interested in doing something/going somewhere, he would get very petulant and butt-hurt that I didn't want to go along. Over the years, I did try many things. Some I enjoyed, and did for awhile, some I tried once and decided o was done. But mostly, I spent years just going along with what HE wanted to do/see/buy, etc, just to keep the peace. In the end, after I had already mentally and emotionally divorced him in my head, one of the last straws for me was how many times we could be sitting in the room together, tv blaring on some stupid show HE wanted, not even watching it because he's scrolling through his phone....I would speak to him, and it was as if I wasn't even in the room. Not even on the planet. For awhile, I experimented with this, by intentionally cutting myself off mid-sentence, and not continuing to speak to him. Made no difference, he didn't even notice. Only once or twice, several minutes after I'd stopped speaking mid-sentence and had gone on about my business, after minutes passed he would look up and say "Did you say something? " I used to start over, and he would return to ignoring me. Then I began just shaking my head and saying no. I'm the end, is just look at him and wordlessly get up and leave the room. No matter what, he'd go right back to fishing for validation and supply from his phone, tv blaring, and me basically non-existent.

Me too

Mine NEVER wanted to have sex with me. He always refused me. Now i know it was an ecstatic JOY for him withholding sex and intimacy, the utmost pleasure to this evil sadic liar.

Yes

Same

I’m so glad your daughter and you got out.🙌🙌🙌

I read your comment and thought I must have written it! Exactly the same… 34 years married but this year I celebrate being single in this life longer than being married . Best thing I ever did was leave it behind.

This was my marriage too. I emphathize! My ex-husband was neglectful and very, very secretive. Like ridiculously secretive. He did stuff on his own all the time and rarely asked me if I wanted to do something -- when I was dying to spend time with him. He ignored me and did whatever he wanted with little regard for my feelings and opinions. I really don't know why he got married because he rarely attempted to be a husband. I was a slave he never whipped -- at least not physically. I was an appliance that had to run on its own but never had maintenance or upkeep. When I wore out, I was at fault and thrown away.

@@spacegirl226 OMG! I swear you and I were married to the SAME MAN. Neglectful is what mine was too. He never had a kind word or a loving look towards me. At first, it makes you try harder, but after the 6th year of this abuse , I literally gave up...every day with him was the loneliest day of my life. His silent treatments were EPIC! I finally found out he was not only a liar, gaslighter, baiter, the permanent victim and the most vengeful person on the planet...but he was also a cheater. I ran for the hills over 4 years ago now, and I stole my soul back! His new supply (mistress) thought she had struck gold....but has since been arrested for being caught with drugs and alcohol in a car. Then, about 10 months ago she beat him up and pulled a gun on him. Hmmm...they say how a relationship begins is how it will end. He better hide the gun when she catches him cheating on her! Karma, ain't she grand?

Sadly you end up becoming just like them if you're not careful

Yeah, I think I've started taking on narc traits for my self preservation, which is why I keep watching vids on narcs. I personally think I have some Complex PTSD from this relationship and that I have mimicked some of his traits. There is only so much you can take before you want to get back at a person. I hate that the way he treats and sees no worth in me has made me bitter. I knew there was something wrong with him before I said 'I do' but I said it anyway.

I am so sorry,this really stinks .

So sad that you never got the love that you were wanting from him before his death came. I understand your pain. Big hugs!

@@christbeliever4407 Like you, I am a believer. I am facing old age gladly, spending more time in God's Word, more time in prayer, learning discernment and watching for the fruit. Today is Good Friday ❤

Congratulations! The coffin dodger is dead at last ! My father was a covert narcissist and I have had several narcissistic boyfriends. The last one left for good a year ago to go back to his old girlfriend's home. She's had a pension since her early 30s and extremely passive. So thats a big attraction for the bastard. He's 70 and works at a fast food restaurant because he doesn't have enough money for food so he eats fast food that he moochers exclusively. He told me once that he likes to set a good example for the younger crew members! 🙄😂🤣😂 I started laughing hysterically and said yes you do! As in 70 years old and jack ass of all trades and master of none. Don't be like him kids ! Do something with your life. Of course he was working there to get narcissistic supply and free weed .

God doesn't honor abusive marriages...when he abused the covenant was broken...

You lasted so very long. What kept you sane?

@@monicahocking1507 Nothing during it. After I threw him out, kept him away and divorced him I wanted to know what happened to my entire adult life and I studied it. I found out I certainly wasn't alone in the experience. So many in long term marriages stay in. I stayed far too long. It affected my health. He was then clinically diagnosed as a Covert Narc and I could finally settle it in my mind. It's a process. Trust the process. Each year gets better. I've been free for 5 years now. Takes time. The only thing to do is get out of the relationship. There is no hope in it. Not curable. I can't tell you how happy I am without him.

33 years for me. Even I don’t know how I survived. I am just so glad I found the explanations through research because there was no way I EVER got answers from him!

Are you saying that you have never had sexual intercourse with your husband of 20 years?

What is the deal? My narc never had sex with me on our honeymoon. 25 yrs of marriage amd I have my own room. Sex is not on the table. I sure would love to be touched and held. I do have a sweet dog though and she gives me hugs every single day. Without her by my side I would be alone in this world. She is getting old now though so im kinda afraid of how I could live life without her.

@@christbeliever4407 , leave this useless person. Christ never intended for you to be so neglected-NEVER. GET OUT AND FIGURE OUT WHY YOU MARRIED THIS SELF-Absorbed narcissist. Heal. Find a good, normal human to love and get loved back! ❤️

Glad you found it helpful, and hope you're in a better place today

@@DarrenFMagee infinitely better yes! :) thanks :)

That sounds horrible. What a miserable jerk.

You would get professional help if you believed you are narcissist. They never ever admit it but good luck , your wife is a Saint.

I can guarantee you have caused her much pain. Change your ways to the best of your ability and make it right. Admitting wrong doing is the first step, respect to you.

Wow, I am impressed that you got to this video and Aha moment!! bravo for you. True self introspection is key....

I pray for your wife. If you truly are a narc...she already knows that you may play nicy-nice after one of your vicious passive aggressive rages. She also knows that when you ARE able to be nicy-nice that it is only a matter of time b4 you turn back into YOUR TRUE NASTY NARC Self. Secretly she wishes you would just drop dead because that would be the only relief from the pure fuxking PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED HER during your whole marriage. If she ever does wise up and leaves your abusive ass...(of course you will probably blame HER) You better look into those soulless eyes and blame YOURSELF.

I know this was harsh...and maybe you can change, but the odds are not in your favor. Let your wife experience joy, away from you.

I’m glad you found it helpful

share it with your husband.

Exactly

He will never love you or care the way you care for him, take the kids and leave. I don't need to tell you, you know. This was 5 months ago but I hope ur situation has been resolved God bless

Hey how are you? I hope you left him x

Having a narcissistic parent really messes with your mind. You're not your own person.

Fidelma Shelton,You deserve better 🙏

Boy do know it!

Speaking to me!!

Chances are that if you have been raised by narc that you have some of the traits too, even if you had been in opposition to everything your parents say. Good luck in your journey!

@@MrSoskiKrota I have begun to recognise them, and the danger that I might raise one if I don't rectify certain behaviours in myself. It's quite a journey!

Valerie Ward,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

Valerie Ward,You don't need a narcissist in your life.....

Thank you