DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT

Рет қаралды 11,307

Жыл бұрын

*****FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:
www.drsagehelp.com
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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
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Пікірлер: 35

@queenofzenk Жыл бұрын

my mother worked fulltime and was frantic when she got home and nothing was ever done so she was essentially also a single mom but my dad was home all day, an alchoholic, likely undiagnosed autistic imho, so she was desperate and not able to regulate her emotions. i just remember so much yelling and neglect even though i could see that wasnt what they wanted to happen. if mental healthcare had been better developed when they were growing up, i would have got better parents.

@solange4121 Жыл бұрын

I am disorganized but recently engaged in a relationship that triggered all the anxious lights in me. On good days Im obsessed with him and spend my time anxious he might leave me , and on bad days as soon as he does the slightest mistake or when small misunderstanding arises I shut down and avoid him all together. (Block, stop communicating, completely emotionally detach etc) I fear I might mess up a good relationship with that love-hate pattern…

@maureenmccann1761 3 ай бұрын

Sounds exactly like myself

@rawann1001 24 күн бұрын

Exactly me

@nirmaleva Жыл бұрын

I think this describes me. I crave a relationship but being in one fills me with overwhelming, unnamed anxiety. If I don't break up with them they usually break up with me for not being fully committed. My dad was my primary caregiver and he had a huge temper, crossed the line with inappropriate kissing, and was also very emotionally absent/neglectful. I have never felt like someone was "the one" and wouldn't say I've ever been in love. I hope to heal this but I suspect I need PTSD therapy too.

@SOGSouljah Жыл бұрын

You are by far one of the best channels on KZfaq about disorganized attachment. There are just too many surface leve attachment videos that don't go deeper - please continue to talk about this topic on a very detailed level!! Thank you!!! ❤️

@brookenicoley90 Жыл бұрын

I have recently discovered that I have a fearful avoidant attachment and I dont ever remember feeling in danger or frightened BY a caregiver but I did go through abandonment/neglect by my caregiver(mother) as well as the caregiver that was suppose to be watching me while my mother was gone. While being unattended, there was a LOT of very uncomfortable, sexual things (not to me, but around me, as well as sexual talk and images as well as watching horror films unattended) going on around me at about the age of 2. I guess it was my temperament for being so calm during a lot of frightening things. But I feel very relieved finding out my attachment style, it explains a lot. I would say I am in between secure and disorganized today but finding out about disorganized has been helping to heal more.

@Rollacoastertycoon Жыл бұрын

Sex abuse in family, dad deported , great mom but did some prison time. I guess it makes sense why I’m jacked up

@lindseym3810 Жыл бұрын

I realized that I’ve had this pattern years ago.. my situation was a little different so I’ll share as a different example. From the age of 7 I split the week between my parents.. 3 days with anxious overbearing unconditionally loving mom and 4 days with controlling provider dad who you better be on your best behavior around. Mom shared these messages to protect me. I think the smothering from mom caused my avoidance while the need to please my dad caused the anxious. It’s very strange to feel this way but as I’ve gotten older I think I’m more avoidant and keep others at arms length. But, the anxious parts still creep in at times. Thanks for highlighting this because it took me awhile to learn that I could be both!

@brif2304 Жыл бұрын

Hey Kim, some unsolicited advice: as you continue to produce more videos, I’m finding it difficult to locate specific content from videos I’ve previously watched because the titles are so similar. Perhaps adding greater granularity/specificity to video titles will help us out as you increase your portfolio/library thanks!

@DrKimSage Жыл бұрын

Yes- thank you for the feedback!

@allwellandgood8547 Жыл бұрын

This explains so much, I'm going to watch it a few times! I feel like my attachment style changed in my junior years when my mum left. As the eldest of 3 I became the parentified child and our dad would swing from emotionally unavailable and shut away to emotionally unstable. There was a constant overwhelming fear he was going to successfully take his own life and leave us with noone. I realise now thanks to your content that this has led me to so many of the behaviours you talk about, constantly people pleasing, scanning outside in for threats, caregiving and burying my own emotions and needs to keep everyone else ok. 'Noone is coming to save you' really sticks with me as I have always had this deep longing for that in all my relationships, perhaps the hope of 'mum returning', whilst swinging between avoidant and anxious behaviours to stay safe. I appreciate your self disclosure so much, it is truely inspiring to me that you have survived so much and have used your experiences to help yourself and others 🙏 I really hope to take your attachment course 💙

@RichRobinson 3 ай бұрын

I’ve found myself back on your channel to learn and brush up on attachment related content. I just wanted to say that I like your style of delivery and cadence. This content has really helped me to learn about myself and my tendencies as well as those who I’ve been romantically involved with (and otherwise!). Thanks Dr Kim ❤

@DeepSouthern_Outdoors 2 ай бұрын

You keep saying "baby" and "infant" but that needs to be widened. My situation is an odd one...i've just become aware of this after i woke up to my patterns. All this happened in my teen years. Went from my mother being my confidant and emotionally available person I was always safe to open up to went to her losing her mind due to a huge amount of shock traumas to the family. She went from emotionally available and safe to the unstable, angry, unpredictable person where I'd hold my breath when I heard her walking down the hall in the mornings not knowing if she was coming to rage on me for not helping enough with my newly disabled father. She got into some Rx and wine usage during those years and seeing her unstable and under the influence had a helpless feeling I'll never forget. So yeah, please widen your ages of influence to include later age groups because some of us had a hard time finding our issues when we know we originally had somewhat decent attachments earlier in development.

@deborahcannon6171 Жыл бұрын

Your voice and your words are so comforting. Thank you for sharing your history, and for choosing to help others with similar childhood experiences. I wish you and your online community an abundance of peace, love, and contentment ahead.

@melh4233 Жыл бұрын

These sounds like Thais Gibsons talking points literally almost word for word.. even though it's research, i understand they are interpreting the same info, its just interesting.

@pamelap3978 9 ай бұрын

Its so Bazar, your life story is almost identical to mine. I'm so glad I found your channel

@jazz_honey Жыл бұрын

This describes me so much, thank you Dr. Kim

@nathangabrielriegler5553 11 ай бұрын

Thank you ! ♥️

@gemmakopel8312 Жыл бұрын

This resonated so much - thank you ❤

@Roguedaisey Жыл бұрын

I relate to so much of your story .. only child and all. Thank you for your compassion and encouragement to heal and grow. 🌸💜

@allrightallrightallright1919 Жыл бұрын

Very helpful, thank you 🙏🏼

@neferzoe Жыл бұрын

Thanks ❤😊

@sheilacournoyer53 Жыл бұрын

I find I do this with my husband, you've given me something to think about.

@arianna4351 Жыл бұрын

I’d really love to see a video specifically about the link between being raised by a BPD mother & social anxiety. I can hardly find any information about it online, but I do see studies that show increased cluster B symptoms in parents of children 4-6 y/o predicted decreased social impairment in offspring. Social anxiety is different from normal anxiety and can be so detrimental to every part of someones life. I’m sure a lot of people who have BPD mothers struggle with this but I cannot find many studies showing this

@DrKimSage Жыл бұрын

Yes- I will look into more - it was absolutely true for me, but I also know there can be many factors. 🙏

@yuzuke4573 Жыл бұрын

I immediately go, " it's out of service."

@katkatkat5 7 ай бұрын

Oh god all of this…. Damn…. 😅

@Elainashtyn Жыл бұрын

1. great video, def resonated with me thank you for sharing. 2. what is the name of that wallpaper? that might be the prettiest wallpaper I've ever seen.

@TheMinot60 9 ай бұрын

MILITARY FAMILIES

@jameswayton2340 Жыл бұрын

In what way are the styles judged? I don't even understand why.

@DrKimSage Жыл бұрын

Many people who talk about it online often demonize the different styles (ie avoidant) and suggest it's a clear delineation - i don't think they understand the complexity but use it to give dating advice that is, in my opinion, very surface level and not helpful in its rigidty.

@jameswayton2340 6 ай бұрын

@@DrKimSage Thank you 💙

@caindis-abel-dhisbrother9601 6 ай бұрын

i had an alcoholic father and a very traumatized mother who worked non stop (as a coping distraction mechanism as well). i saw my 5 month dog with broken legs due to father being jelous at the dog. that dog died due to a car accident, a few years later mom got another dog which i loved to death. it was given away (without me knowing, which i repressed until now...i'm 35..) after they divorced, in part due to my ever growing anger issue at around age 10 (she couldn't take care of me and the dog on her own). a lot of humiliation at school, a lot of home alone (she was at work 13+ hours/day + house chores). i bearly saw her happy or involved, when she was i loved it (highly intelligent woman with great tastes in many aspects), when she wasn't she was either too tired or angry/on edge due to stress. i always had to manage her emotions (she had no friends either, except for me). i grew up with her as a very close team (out of necessity, compassion, survival and we were mostly always just the two of us). she had 2 cancers to fight off, she lost her job, we were broke and many other things. now we're ok, but i can't have a relationship and i don't know who i am, very disconnected. i am also highly prone to triggers and rage outbursts (it's like not having any skin). therapy is helping though... at least i'm not borderline, disorganized fits me like a glove.