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The funny thing is, Betrayal never comes from your enemies.

You never lose friends, you only gain strangers. My heart aches for all of us who had to find this out.

Their betrayal is devastating and feels like being swept away by a tide. We're not the same anymore.

I never thought in a million years I was sleeping with the enemy

“We are never responsible for our own betrayal”

I’ve been betrayed by so many in such harsh ways that when I come across a kind stranger for a brief moment, I eventually wind up tearing up. So embarrassing.

If you would dupe or betray a person who trusts you, that doesn't have anything to do with them being a fool. It means that they trusted you more than you deserved to be trusted.

I’m screwed. Both my parents were narcissistic and even psychopaths, my two siblings also turned out like that. This pattern has followed me my whole life also with friends and boyfriends. I am definitely a survivor. I’m broke now but after all I’ve broke the pattern just by becoming a psychologist, having a bachelor degree in comparative literature together, yoga teacher and all the other courses I took to educate myself. They have nothing. But not only that - I manage to stay sane and empathetic and loving and LONGING FOR LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING AS I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN LOVE. Even though I’m alone and I’ve been alone my whole life, God was with me. I never became evil and vicious. It’s a miracle.

You are such an angel to those who have gone through this! Mine started in infancy , I tried to get help to no avail. I am now 70, the only way to feel safe is to be alone. I appreciate you so much!❤

My husband of 33 years, pretending to be a family man, ran a church, was living a whole double life of the worse kind that I knew nothing about. It's the element of being blindsighted that is trauma betrayel.

Trust and loyalty is the rock we stand on in relationships. Betrayal is like having the ground under your feet disappear ... After they told you it was rock solid... And you gets blamed for it.

You’re amazing. You helped me through not only dealing with my mother years ago who is a covert narcissist, but helping me help my father a few years ago with his divorce from her following my eldest brother’s suicide. My eldest brother literally and figuratively pulled the trigger that FINALLY allowed me, my father, and another brother to reclaim our lives. You gave me the clarity and validation of what I have known, watched, and experienced since I was a little girl. I’m now 57. You are a big reason why I am still here and able to heal. You are the reason I finally love myself and no longer question my reality. My own children have benefitted from this clarity. God bless you, Dr. Ramani.

For some people it's 2 steps forward one step back. For people who attract narcissists, it's 1 step forward 3 steps back. It seems like there everywhere.

Betrayal by your own children when they side with the narc is horrific. Was all for absolutely nothing

Betrayal by a parent is so destabilizing. We have to find a way to take the life that was always meant to be ours. We don't belong to anyone. This is our life and I finally know I don't have to feel guilty for living it. Thank you. ❤

I agree it’s the behaviour that’s betrayal. I can’t stand it when ‘life coaches’ and social media ‘gurus’ talk about oh it’s how you respond to an event that is the trauma. It’s like uh no, it’s not my ‘response’ , it’s their harmful behaviour. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

They never admit they betrayed you

I hate that this pain is so unbearable I want to unalive myself to stop the pain. She kept asking to be in my life. All while breaking my spirits and boundaries and lying and gaslighting. She kept making me feel like I was the sole reason why we couldn’t make things work, when in reality she’s was the reason we couldn’t work. Everytime her lies, double life, would catch up to her she would gaslight me into thinking it was my fault. All I was ever guilty of was loving her. She made me feel like the worst person ever.

I left my family behind many years ago. Healthiest move I ever made.

Being born into a family with a narcissistic father and covert narcissistic mother, it has been a long road. The most painfful of all the betrayals was my only child. It took me over 30 years to accept he did not love me and had been acting. Then after 4-6 months, during which time neither he nor my grandchildren called me, I had a small heart attack from grief. I've given up a lot, grieved my losses, figured it out and have healed most of it! I'm proud to be a survivor!

The devils touch is permanent. There is no healing from it but rather learning how to cope with it & move on

I look back after spending 27 total years of what I thought was “everything” only to find out I wasn’t… he was a narcissist, wanted a divorce after our last one left for college…. I have been alone for 15 plus years and will never believe in love again … it’s a daily torment, I have never felt worthy of love since 💔

Saying “we are never responsible for our own betrayal” is so powerful and necessary for healing. People need to be seen, heard, understood, their experiences validated. Even therapists can skip this part and jump to making it about you and where you went wrong etc

Happy birthday to your mom

I feel betrayal way beyond a lie_ it is TREASON...and hurts deeply

Betrayal is like pouring a bucket load of salt into a wound caused by someone else. The ability of people to do such despicable acts of cruelty to another person and then denies all accountability leaves the betrayed person in even worse life changing horrific circumstances that others will not believe or see, further invalidating the betrayed person and nobody cares at all.

Thank you for saying being screamed at is a betrayal. I have expressed this before to family members who yell and they don’t get it. Total violation of trust and well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

In narcissistic families, we get habituated to accept blame for things other people do. Until we heal this distorted thinking and the deep wounds it creates, we are very vulnerable to further narcissistic abuse.

To me betrayal occurs when two people stop being emotionally vulnerable with each other. There is a point in every narcissistic relationship subtly shuts down and shuts you out between lovebombiny and devaluing. That subtle shift and shutdown between the lovebombing and the devalue to me is the betrayal. That is what makes love bombing so nefarious imo.

In November I experienced something very traumatizing that made me incapable of falling asleep without the lights on and a background sound that reminds me that I´m safe. I had already started watching your youtube videos during Covid, since they were helping me make sense of the relationship I was in and had been in for 7 years already. Your videos helped me understand and ultimately get out. :) Since I had been watching your videos, they have now become the soothing background sound so I can feel safe and fall asleep. I just want to thank you for the work you do. It has made such a difference in my life.

Before watching this, I could only think of one betrayal. But now... I realize I have been betrayed by all my narcissists in my life.... all of them.... and it has shaped me gravely.

Betrayal feels like that person you love just wiped all the shit off their feet on you.

My narcissistic ex didn't cheat or mess with my money. He definitely betrayed me though - he future faked so skillfully that I believed him with my entire heart. I wanted to be loved so badly that i believed all of the love bombing with my entire soul. He absolutely betrayed me because he lied to me. And yes, it's ABSOLUTELY trauma.

"The duties of a parent are to keep a child safe, loved, nurtured, seen, heard. That's the duties! And if a parent isn't doing that, then they are not fulfilling the responsibilities of that relationship." Exactly!

When I think of the word betrayal my first thought is "deception." Because those who betray you are usually the people you would never expect to, the ones you hold closest, and that is why it hurts so much. It also makes you doubt if you really knew them at all. It can make you doubt everything about your relationship with them. Edited for spelling :p

When I think of betrayal I remember when my husband cheated on me via Facebook & dating sites on his phone. He said he was just having fun, then said that all these females were his cousins.

I have looked at this entire relationship now as a learning experience. Not only did I learn what kind of evilness is in this world, but also that I was deceived into sleeping with the enemy. No contact is not only for our sanity, but also for your safety. Protect yourself against hoovers. That is when they are pissed that they couldn't take us down the first time. You can watch all the true crime shows and see bits of them in the ones that come back years later and murder people. They can't let go because they have no sense of time.

I love your passion - for the truth. Of our sorrow .

Betrayal:his cheating, lying, getting the friends and family to all lie to me for him, as well.

Wishing great health and longevity to Mom and the entire family. ✌️🥳

Sad,that there are people who can lie without blinking.

My ex husband betrayed me time and time again. I was blamed for his lying and betraying every time. I remember screaming at him for gaslighting me and to stop the BS. He turned that on me by accusing me of being suspicious to the point of paranoia and that I drove him to seek solace with other women. Total head phuck. 🤯

My wife had started spinning lies to our whole social group that I was abusing her well before I finally got the nerve to say I want a divorce. It's been 18 months, she still won't move out, I've lived in front of cameras 24/7 to protect myself from false assault charges, and she still won't move out. The fact that she spends 90% of the time with a "mutual friend" at his place, because she started dating him early last year. This guy was at our wedding. I knew him before she did. Yet I'm the social leper because of her lies, and will probably be alone until I die, while they both have been embraced as a couple by the entire group of people I thought were my friends.

Trust me, the damage you'll do to yourself and others by not leaving is much worse than leaving after the first time

“Hurt” is the first word I think of when I think of betrayal.

A narc is betraying you before you first say hello...

It's knowing you were were never truly loved.That in itself is betrayal.

So many betrayals and the level of cruelty is astounding. He portrays himself on social media as such a supportive and spiritual person with focus on fitness. We would hike together occasionally and I was never fast enough, or good enough when all I wanted was to enjoy the journey. He convinced me to go on a 17 mile hike. It was my first time doing that amount of miles and at a fast pace. The last 5 miles were hard. I ran out of water and my legs were exhausted. I asked him for water and he denied that to me saying I should have planned better. The switchback at the end was difficult and my legs were failing. He left me there. I had embarrassed him. I was devastated that I would have to maneuver through this by myself. As my leg muscles were trembling and the lack of water added to my insecurities to be able to make it down the mountain and another 4 miles to go. I made it down but had to call for help once I was at the bottom. I was delivered home by EMT and he ignored me for a month after. Continuing to punish me for embarrassing him. This was supposed to be the person whom I could trust and count on. Clearly it was never reciprocated. Clearly not the persona he portrays on social media.

Its been 10 years, he is getting married to his rich girl now, and I still feel like it was yesterday

Growing up with Narcissistic parents, getting into relationships with narcissists, I always blame myself for being betrayed. Thank you so much for this episode, Dr Ramani! “I didn’t do the betraying.”

I’ve watched this video 3 times but I finally heard you Dr Ramani “stop making it about them how did it impact you?” I stopped the video to think about it. Thank you…

I needed to learn why I got caught up in it. I went from narc parents to narc partners, married one, had kids, escaped, felt bad so I gave him the house, ended up with another one. I've had to create an identity from scratch, I've never had one, never had needs cos my needs have never been met, so I do need to examine that relationship. I am only starting to live at the age of 59. Thank you for your videos.

The word that comes to my mind is pain.

When people put the responsibility/blame of us being betrayed onto our shoulders and not onto the shoulders of those who committed those actions of betrayal

Yeah, I was basically ALONE with my mom for my first 7 years of life. She fed me but that was probably because she had to eat too. She rarely bathed me. When I was 6months old, she told me the pediatrician said I looked very very depressed, was not smiling or alert and he threatened cps. So she played and talked more with me. The betrayal was her decision to stay with my abuser after I told her he abused me. Devastating. She also told me she doesnt think of me as her daughter

Betrayal - deeply wounded

The first word that comes to mind when i hear 'betrayal' is discard

How fortunate you have a supportive mom. Many of us had mommy dearests who couldn’t even meet the parenting standards set by wild animals. Despicable excuses for “mothers.”

The first betrayal...presenting themselves as normal.

happy birthday Mama Ramani. Starting to be my old self after being separated for almost 6 months but i'm still seeking love and affection like never before and i finaly realized why. I was never truly loved by anyone. Most of my ex's had Narcs behaviours, my 15 years wife is a covert, my mother and her family all narcs, my father and grand mother never showed love or affection...took me 46 years to realize it and it hit hard. I guess i wasn't born to be loved by anyone so i took the decision to stay single for the rest of my life. it's the only sure way i can't be abuse and manipulated and betrayed again over the cost of being love even if i crave it.

Tell your mom that I say "Happy Birthday !"

So easy to feel responsible when the immediate response from society is to make you feel responsible. There is that deeply held part of the human psyche that turns to victim blaming. It's even in our adages: "What did I/she/he do to deserve that? Must have done something wrong" and "it must be karma from a former life," and so on.

The lying and especially the GASLIGHTING is maddening. I questioned myself and every word and every step I took until I learned what gaslighting was.

What a magnificent statement! “We Are Never Responsible For Our Own Betrayal.” This mantra is distilled to a core essence, the truth, and the emotional freedom, we give ourselves on our path of perpetual improvement. WOW! If words can be a magic wand that works in reality, then Dr Ramani you have just shared another golden nugget of wisdom. Our lives are richer bc of you. Thank you Dr Ramani you are one in a million! 🎉💜😎

Please, please, please do more about parents of adult children who are narcissistic and abusive.

I've been betrayed by friends and lovers. Funny thing is that - it catches up on these folks. The ex who cheated on me ended up being dumped by the "other woman" after he took her on a trip (he never took me on any trips). The friend who betrayed me and told me that I didn't have any other friends and would be all alone without her - betrayed, manipulated and abused several other people and I'm wondering if she still has any friends, because she keeps repeating this pattern over and over again. In the meantime, I have been able to get counselling, create stronger boundaries and transformed into a stronger, more aware person who has a healthy self-esteem.

*Happiest birthday ever, mother Ramani. you deserve all the world!* ❤

Betrayal=something owed to or belonging to one is given away away to someone with no right to it.

First words I think are bait and switch. Thought I was marrying my best friend and an emotionally mentally and spiritually healthy person 😢. He kept it up for five years and completely changed when the doctor said "congrats! It's a boy!" 😮

This video really hit hard. I was the problem child who was scapegoated, thrown to the wolves by my own parents. I was brainwash to think their betrayals were all my fault, their failed marriage and anything else that they didnt want to take responsibility for. I grew up trained to fix and serve, never to have a self, its how I survived hell, how dare I have a voice. They let me live ...

Dunno why, but these glasses make her look kinda younger and cuter. 🤓

To think that I was told that people who have first-hand experience overcoming an issue (ie. narcissistic abuse, anxiety) couldn't make good therapists. What a lie I was told! Thank you, Dr. Ramani for sharing this invaluable information.

I wrote a book titled " Surviving Betrayal Trauma" that is all about this! Once you heal the wounds of betrayal and take your power back it is like the key that opens all of the doors that we perceived were closed in our lives!.

Yes. Healthy people know their why. On a continuum…..

Happy Birthday to your mom! She did an amazing job as a mother and I'm happy to hear she made it to this beautiful year! God bless! 🤍

Shock and Distrust

Taking care of myself; depending on God!❤

Happy birthday mummy! May you live long to celebrate many years to come. Amen!

The first word that came to my mind is helplessness. Because once the betrayal sets in you know that person will never be what you thought they were ever again. You have to accept it. Its permanent

Pathological Liars was the first thing I looked up on the internet.

Happy Birthday, Mommy Ramani❤

Being screamed at and worse is definitely a betrayal. Thanks for saying it most intelligent and kind woman xxx

Dr Ramani describes this “betrayal” as if she has had personal experience. insightful, transparent, honest. Its a Breach of trust at its finest…. release what is not yours. give it back to the owner where it belongs. but own whats yours… differentiate!

Happy birthday to your Mum Dr Ramani ☀️🎉 🎂

That live on betrayal was excellent and moved me into further " i did not cause betrayal"

Sorry about your cough, Thank you sooooo much ❤👍❤ When I was 22 years old, I was living with the mother of my infant 1 year old baby. I had to go to work early (wake at 4:30 am) I remember having to walk over the passed out (drunk) naked body of my baby son's mother with her mouth still on the private area of another passed out man. they were both passed out naked lying on the kitchen floor and I had to literally step over them to get to the door to get to work (trying to be responsible at 22 years old...)... Of course, the courts gave her custody... Years later, she kept another baby locked in a closet with no one home. I discovered this baby when I had to drop off my son. I heard the little baby crying and I saw her sticking her little fingers through the slots in the door. D.S.S. was called and of course, they did nothing, in fact, I even lost a day per week to spend with my child (punished). It wasn't even me that called D.S.S., it was literally another D.S.S. worker from another city that called... Is it a felony to keep a baby in a closet with no one home? now, 27 years later, my son has been parentally alienated from me. Every day is grief....

Happy Birthday to your lovely mother Dr.Ramani!🎂🥳🎉❤🎊🎉❤🎉❤

I have felt that sense of feeling ‘dirty’/less than mentally and physically from betrayals/assaults I have been thru. Learning to let that go and rewrite my narrative. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤

I have been betrayed so much by close important people in my life I feel constantly angry and don’t really trust anyone. But learning to mange that and harness it all for my greater good to focus on my life and well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

Yep. Ex had been betraying my trust & breaking my boundaries since the beginning and lied about it, but no, I’m the bad guy for leaving when I had been saying for months that if the betrayals kept up I’d leave. Go figure 😂

The lack of respect for my position as his wife was shared with his mother from the beginning. Then the cheating followed and then steeling money from our savings. It was a total betrayal. He is dead now, and I have moved on and created another. It was truly a learning experience for me. I will not make excuses for staying so long. It did pay off in the end and I have now healed. But the lesson will always linger....always! Thanks Dr. R.❤

Betrayl is the most hurtful and harmful thing that can happen to a man or woman. Words cannot express the heart break you feel. It was so devastating that I just completely shut down for years. He is now deceased...Thank God! Over and done now.

Happy birthday to your Mum❤

I had no idea how MANY times I've been betrayed. Thanks

I am so grateful to finally to have a professional explain what I have been dealing with for my life with older sister and the her flying monkeys. It got worst once I decided to walk away and oh my lord her abuse got worst. Now that she is getting older and going through health issues I am hearing from other family members about “how I have been so cruel to HER” for not talking with her and tearing the family apart. It’s gotten so ugly that now I don’t talk to any family members. Thank god I have my own children and grandchildren and not to mention friends to have seen and understand this.

Don't forget "Medical Betrayal Trauma!!"

I’m on my long road of healing and one of the most helpful things (aside from finding Dr. Ramani), was making a friend who also suffers from narc abuse. Having a close friend who gets it and can validate your experience is incredibly healing! Going it alone it extremely hard because its so easy to second guess yourself. Narcissism is at epidemic levels and has poisoned our political system, work environments, schools, and so much more! Its so important to find someone who gets it!

Birthday Blessings to your Beautiful Mom!

This is real. You really named my life…..thank you! I hate toxic positivity!!