Still looking for that lane. I have yet to find my people but I hope they're out there

Me too 😢

❤❤❤❤

Yessss!! So much this. Most were programmed to mindlessly follow the crowd and be a cookie cutter form of everyone else.

❤❤❤ Another quote I recently heard from Mel Robbins "Be yourself, let the world fit in to who you are"😊

Ditto. Unfortunately that's most people. I recently decided to do that and they still are confused (as to why I'd chill by myself than do something I don't really consider fun with them)

Haha...describing me too.

Me too

*_Absolutely!_* Which is exactly how I run my life. I'm fine being a lone wolf. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Me too.

What do you mean "vague"? "Just be confident bro" "just love yourself first bro" is top tier, 100% concrete advice !

yea.

You just aren't good at MANIFESTING 😅😅😅 Yeah, it's bullshit. Disgusting.

Im curious as to what advice you’re referring to? The stuff that vague or makes you feel guilty. I’m just starting with therapy and have been consuming a lot of “self-help” media about healing so interesting and helpful to hear others’ experiences.

I am conscious that there are very empathic very insightful and truly good human beings working diligently as therapists BUT for some maybe even more than some - therapy does not work or even help a bit ! What percentage ? Don't know - so YES it's worth a try ! Time for some is the only healer ! If you are somebody who gets minimum benefit from the Meds/ Therapy duo - do not give up - Do all the other good stuff and with TIME you may see some worthwhile results - keep working on yourself as you would your best friend brother sister child wife husband - or even family pet !)- keep working !!

I hope I meet someone like you (a man tho) that can appreciate my boring-ness. Good for him, well both of you.

best person to have as a partner isn't the person that makes you feel the most intense emotions, it's the person who you still love even when one of you is vacuuming and the other is doing the dishes

I love boring, stable, calm, safe. . .I grew up in chaos, uncertainty and trauma....my late husband was boring....

​@@alicia_nicoleboring people are the most authentic and interesting. We spend a lot of time learning and being productive.

Outside, I work and care for others. I take fair care of myself and great care of my animals. On the inside, I am shaking and screaming

Amazing!!! Congratulations you, as someone with a lot of addiction in the family I know that's no easy feat and it's nothing to be underestimated. You deserve to be so so proud of yourself x

Thank you so much!! ❤️

❤

That's great! 🤗

Hang in there, good quality Bvitamins and other nutritional supplements really help me with cravings.

Forgive yourself ❤❤❤

Jesus thats sad man

Well said! Being alive means everything, but most of it is ordinary. I wouldn’t have it any other way though because I’m not a risk taker. There’s a song made about 50 years ago that describes what I feel perfectly, although I heard the song for the first time less than two years ago. The artist was actually singing about a heroin addiction, I think, but in my case the addiction would be REM dreams which feel magical compared to regular awake life. In case anyone was ever interested, the name of the song is called Pleasant Street by Tim Buckley. The song brings instant tears to my eyes, but it’s also very affirming. AND YES I LOVE LIFE, especially because life allows us so many hours of sleep, each day, part of which can be filled by magical REM sleep ;)

After losing my husband of 38 years, being able to find joy in little things is what got me through, just seeing a pretty sunset or listening to birds singing.

Just started bird watching and... Would have never thought in a million years... It's brought me so much peace to watch their interactions. Also not brooding about myself...

Thank you for putting these feelings into words for me: Dr Scott is absolutely amazingly helpful to me. His book is also fantastic.

Thank you for putting these feelings into words for me: Dr Scott is absolutely amazingly helpful to me. His book is also fantastic.

I appreciate your ability to articulate how it feels to have taken the harder path. Thank you. 🥧☕

I agree, I have made so much progress already, and as you say, it is a hard journey. And this channel is still helping clarify and putting into words things that I felt, an know by now they are ok, but couldn't really explain why. So helpful on this lifelong journey!

We can never know what people have gone through. Even “mentally well” people can mask and perform in a way where they have everything going for them. Money success fame doesn’t buffer anyone from depressive thoughts anxiety or bipolar mania or depression etc. assuming that they don’t struggle or suffer is faulty thinking.

Maybe having a conversation with him about privilege would help bridge that gap. Because what you're describing is privileged: steady, optimistic, practical, calm. And part of living with privilege means (1) having empathy and (2) believing the reality of people with less privilege. Perhaps show him video shorts of YTs who share what their symptoms are like, how it affects their world. For example, Kallmekris does great shorts on intrusive thoughts. I found another YTer who demonstrated what ADHD is like for her, and it helped me understand what my best friend deals with daily.

It really is so hard. My religion is one of the most important things in my life to me, but I have literally always struggled to relate to other people in my church. A lot of them are mentally healthy, and almost none of them share any interests with me. I stay because I'm there for my beliefs, not other people. But whenever I express myself on any level to them, I can tell they don't understand and don't intend to even try. They often say pretty ignorant things like "You just have to have more faith and pray more." And they say that as if that's gonna fix everything immediately. It's really frustrating. Then as soon as I try to connect with people who share my interests, I discover that there are very few who share my beliefs and values. So I can't relate to them either. This is one big reason for my social anxiety. I feel foreign to every social group I try to join. People just say "Oh you just have to find your tribe" and it's just like Dr. Scott said where I think "Oh wow, thank you so much. I've never thought of that and I've never really tried to belong anywhere before. Let me just go do that now." Like bro I don't want to wait decades to find the "right" people. I really appreciated that part of this video. We just have to make our own space in this life in order to be happy.

@@lailanitukuafu It's a long process finding your 'tribe' and I totally understand how hard it is! All the best.

My mom is like this..we are very close yet she doesn’t understand that I have hard time focusing on positive.

My dad likes to focus on the positive. But instead of it being healthy. It feels more like toxic positivity. Because it's one of the few things he can control in his life.

I hear you, and 100% understand! I've been there, and it does get better at being able to cope. Good luck! ❤

❤

Don't be hard on yourself take care of your health mentally and physically that comes first above anyone or anything. The rest will follow, just focus on your health first. I'm not a therapist but the best advice I can give. Be kind to yourself. I understand what your saying I feel the same way, but I've been neglecting myself which makes it hard to show up 100 percent. And it's okay to not feel 100 percent all the time, that's normal.

This comment tugged at me because I want to give love so much more but don’t know how and I never really knew it was weird or different until my bf told me. It was so eye opening. He didn’t say it in a mean way. He just asked me if I really loved him. I said yes. He asked, “why don’t I feel it then?” That crushed me. I felt the worst and still do when I think of it. 😞 I’m praying for you and want you to know that “this too shall pass!”

Take care of yourself...one step ,one day at a time.

this....

Truth!

How about anxiety meds?

@@reenujose4937 meds treat the symptom, not the problem. If you ever stop the meds, the problem is still there

same!!!

I’m almost certain they’ll be a mental disorder named after me one day. I don’t fit anywhere.

You do have an intimate partner.

I agree. I’ve been divorced for over 20 years and haven’t had a partner since.

21 never had an intimate partner or relationship, besides pornography

Agreed. That was very insightful ♥️

Same ❤❤❤

When I was young we used to ask, What is Normal. Everyone has a different experience of life that is all and we have to learn to adapt to life and it’s changes. Now everyone needs a therapist, or to blame someone else.

51 year old new grandma that agrees with you. I'm bout sick of the current iteration of society sucking the fun out of everything when it's hard enough to have fun as it is.

This is why I had to stop listening to Andrew Huberman.

❤

Me 2

Yes- just listen, love, and ve there. 3 years before my Dad passed I was sitting with him and he was telling a story I'd heard probably 100 times. As I felt the eye roll, I stopped myself and thought, 'one day he will not be here to tell you this story. Listen to his joy and invoked inflection and passion while he tells it. After that I listened intently to them no matter how many times I'd heard it. He passed away unexpectedly in 2022. I am glad I took the time to stop and love him in that way.

I do the same with my mom. Once they're gone, they're gone. No one else will ever love you in that way.

I totally get this- I miss it too. And realizing that grand kids are amazing - but they moved away- I had to learn new joy sources! Loving myself!

Your words are very poignant. ❤

While I was trapped in an abusive relationship people would come up to my partner and I, both together and individually, to tell us we were "the perfect couple." One woman even said she modeled her relationship after ours. Now that's all mostly a testament to how good sociopathic narcissists are at creating a false reality to show everyone else, in part to keep their abusive actions hidden. But seriously, yeah, you may think you know something about someone's relationship or lifestyle, but the reality could be dramatically different.

@bossyboots5000 Totally agree with you! The actor you described was my ex-husband's superpower. He had me fooled that I wasted 17yrs with him, and everyone thought we were the most loved up couple because of our amazing chemistry... including me! Once that mask came off, it was like I never really knew who he was. It made me question everything.

@@Venusbabe66 I'm sorry you experienced that too. It takes such a toll. I hope you're in a safer, happier place now.

@bossyboots5000 Thank you. ❤️ The split happened 22 years ago, and yes, I am in a safer, happier place now after struggling with c-PTSD and financially for this whole time. It took about 15 years of self-searching and research to make it to sanity and a bit of peace. Although it's still hard because for the past 10 years, I've had to go back to live with my parents and become carer as my dad had a stroke. He's a 77-year-old narc and quite toxic, so I have to deal with him and my poor, emotionally wrecked mother. The negativity, resentment, and emotional drain of their relationship is difficult some days but I'm looking forward to receiving my retirement funds to be able to travel in a decade or so. Can't wait!

@@Venusbabe66 I feel better by you sharing your story bc I'm 10 yrs out and my life is still not back together (I have to rely on others for housing, I have to be on foodstamps, I'll never recover financially bc the experience left me disabled) and I have raging CPTSD that I only manage through heavy medication and avoidance of anything remotely triggering. I'm like "why aren't I past this yet? How has he affected an entire decade of my life and Im not even in contact with him?" My plan is also to take off and travel when I finally get SSDI or hit retirement age. I feel like I'm only going to have freedom and quality of life when that happens. It sounds like you're in a very challenging situation. I went through my own challenging living arrangements after I was homeless (after I left), so I know it can make the recovery process more difficult. You sound like you are in a good strong place mentally and are healthy. Very happy for you. It sounds like life will only continue to get better 🙂🤗

I think I understand a similar experience to what you are talking about. I would love to be calm like you said. Anxiety and stress has been one of the reasons I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis. If I am not calm and healthy I get plenty of pain in response.

I feel you both. I also have both physical issues along with others- one little downturn in my body and my anxiety is high, then body is worse, around and around 😨

Lion diet will heal you in less than 30 days.❤

@daveanderson8776, Absolutely 👍 correct! Stability is the key! I’d like to add 2 other key features to that, They are…. A sleep schedule ( ie. Sleep at least 8 hrs every night, Same time in bed every night, 7 days a week, and Same time getting up in the morning 7 days a week!). And, eating balance healthy meals, always! Even if you don’t feel like eating! (Or at least 2-3 healthy snacks, some days!). For me, I’ve noticed these two things really help my ‘Mental Health’ as well as my‘Physical Health’ and wellbeing 😊. I honestly believe this to be Mandatory, for us individuals with any Mental Health challenges!

But you’re not, we are not. We just live in a deeper plane, that is all 🙏❤️‍🔥💪🏼 we can do this together. I know you’re there, and now you now I’m here…looking at us. We are not alone 💪🏼🙏❤️‍🔥 feliz año nuevo 20224

Same.😔

I'm so sorry for your!!!!!😢

I’m so very sorry . Hugs

Much love to deal with this ❤️‍🩹 no words...

I’m so sorry for your loss 😭😭😭

there are no words... im so sorry. i wish you all the strength to get through this difficult time.

Same. Would be great to actually talk to someone else in that situation right? 🤔

I feel you… and none of the people that seem to want to give the “you should“ advice seem to have ever experienced what you’ve experienced…. They don’t actually see a relationship behind closed doors, and for some reason don’t listen to or believe you when you say, I’ve tried these several things , including your advice right now, and this is what happened…. they still want to give advice as if they have some deeper understanding of your relationship or situation. I think our society has forgotten that sometimes all people need is for you to hear struggles and be there to put your arm around them and support them, and give advice when asked . I know the people I want advice from and it’s from people who either seem to be doing better than me and have something figured out I don’t or someone I have seen struggle with the same things I have and are older and figured out things farther ahead than me… I love advice, but I know who I want it from and am very discerning/careful of who that is. So if I go to someone telling them about my issue and not asking for advice, I am looking for shoulder to lean on and encouragement because that’s the role that works best for our relationship. I’m in my 40s and if one more person downplays the occasional mental/emotional struggles I have daily because I am “just a baby” when they have no idea the hell I’ve lived through and the struggles I’ve had to work through from my childhood, and past… all to the point so I could be relatively healthy, standing in front of them and a wife and stay at home mom of kids seeking their support as an elder person…it makes me hurt more. That joke got old after I was 30 and with 2 kids. I get considering 20 somethings “just a baby” to adulthood but someone in there 30s/40s is a full on adult (especially if you see them homeschooling and working hard)…. People need older people for advice and even at 40 now, I would never give an older person advice unless directly asked.

Impressed. This reads so well balanced and with good prospects, if she is into knowing what's going on with herself AND you as much as you.

That's lovely❤️

Wisdom! Good luck.

The book ‘the magic’ is changing my life it’s a 28-day deep dive into gratitude🙏🏼

Thats me all the way and its so hard to live in this world of superficiality and to make connections.

Amen to that.

So true for me as well...71 this year. Thank you for your post..it helps to know others are out there too!

@heatherbruce1668 I am sorry to hear you had to go through this, too. Mental health for young people in our time was not even on the radar. I am happy for the young kids today who are able to be diagnosed and helped.

Wow this made me angry. Like I was being judged for having depression something I didn't bring on myself or asked for. Like I don't want anyone's pity or sympathy, I just want my solution to the problem. I know that's your words were meant in a positive way but man that really caught me by surprise my reaction. Maybe I do need the prayer.

I really appreciate you saying this. #3 in particular is spot on ❤️

That is absolutely true. I will never be the same person I was when my Husband was alive.

FWIW, I've been in both situations - the wrong people, and no people - and having no people is SO much healthier than the wrong people. Because the wrong people are not helping you heal or claw back to normal, as you put it. The wrong people can actively make your life worse, while isolation is at least a neutral state. But even so, it really does suck to have to go it alone, with literally no one in your life to help you along. Best wishes.

@@bossyboots5000 Thank you. Yes, I know that intellectually, it's just been hard because I've never been alone before. Two years post-divorce that have flown by in retrospect, have seemed like an eternity at times, living through them.

@@pickledherring8759 As someone who was isolated for much of my childhood, necessitating being alone, it's sometimes hard for me to understand people's fear of being alone. (Not necessarily a good quality, it just is what it is.) But you mentioned abuse and that will wittle down your whole sense of self and of worth, making it seem like you can't survive on your own. And I think that makes the solitude of no-friends vs. bad-friends much more difficult. It's difficult to overcome abuse on your own. Have you found any helpful support groups?

@pickledherring8759 I'm not saying the process isn't difficult, but there is so much freedom in being alone. You get to do what you want, when you want, where you want. You're not carrying someone else's mental load, which gives you more energy to devote to things that bring you happiness. Turn up the music really loud, play your favorite song 10x in a row, watch any movie you want (without the derogatory "chick flick" comments), go some place you've always wanted to, wear whatever you want (no matter how outrageous), do something bold with your hair, take a whole night to read without interruption, try something you've always wanted to do, make a home the way that suits you best, rediscover your passions, try a hobby you've always been interested in. Those little toe-over-the-line steps can give you confidence and fulfillment. And it's like a perpetual motion machine: the more you do it, the easier it gets, so the more happiness you derive, so you do it more.. etc. 🤗 Plus engaging in these activities gives you the opportunity to meet more people, which helps with loneliness and may give you support on your journey. It's hard when you feel like you're having to start over in every way. It can feel daunting. But it can also be a reset button to rediscover the self that got lost in the last relationship or unhealthy friends.

@@bossyboots5000 I'm already doing some of those things, but going places by myself and meeting new people is a whole 'nother enchilada.😜 I appreciate the pep talk, though. You seem like a decent person. 💟

I've learnt that there is only so much compassion you can give when life doesn't give any of that back after 50 yrs plus & you STILL HAVEN'T GOT ANY RESEMBLANCE OF A NORMAL LIFE You have to Intellectualise & compartmentalise (are they real words? ) your feelings & get BUSY , do YOUR BEST 😮cos u can't change people or world events

@katejones2172 yes you're right. I think a lot of it is grief. We lose so much in life don't we. I wonder sometimes if its self pity so I try not to think about it and let myself heal if it's grief. There's a fine line between them. And most of us are not used to looking after ourselves either. Sigh. Sometimes it's so hard. I only get by one day at a time. 🫠

I love you 🙏❤️‍🔥💪🏼 we are in the dark, away from each other, but we can feel each other through our hearts and we connect through these videos 🙏💪🏼❤️‍🔥

Love is our compass and light in the dark 🙏❤️‍🔥💪🏼🌷 feliz año nuevo 2024

@@miriam2909 oh bless you I know we try so so hard & nobody knows not even those close to you because you don't want to burden /worry them especially if you know they couldn't handle it & that's not a criticism but it would be nice if we could give a little bit of our internal struggles & they say I don't understand but I believe you that would be lovely

Yup... island of misfit toys!

I read to the kids at night even as they grew older... fantastic bonding time!

❤

This information will always be free❤️

I also have adhd, I have just been diagnosed a year ago, since then I spot adhders everywhere. We are not rare.then there’s people with anxiety and depression, social anxiety, ocd. When you get to the bottom of it, all humans are more alike than different. We can make connection to almost anyone if we dig deep enough to find a common ground and are accepting of others’ faults.

I'm not diagnosed, but I can say I have most of the ADHD symptoms.

Those lights never did anything for me...

Love that episode! Ned Flanders turning the page of his book with his feet. The hurricane blowing through the harmonica store😊

We all are ❤️

Wow. I feel exactly the same! Sometimes I forget that, Thanks for the reminder cos I actually learned a lot today ❤

Are you Amber from the outward bound canoe trip back in 1980 ? It was in Ely Minnesota. We were in the Pond group. This is Mary. I love Minnesota and wish I could go back. Condolences on the loss of your grandfather.

I feel you on that. I mostly deal with friends who come and go not because of anything major but because either they believe a lie or gossip from the one person in the group that secretly doesn’t like me… Or they don’t like something that I’m doing and they don’t tell me because they’re too “nice” I don’t want to rock the boat … when telling me is what is needed so that I know what I’m doing to bother you and stop it. My healthy friends have told me the things I’m doing that is causing them problems. I have worked hard to alleviate those issues. I’m shocked when people say either, they didn’t realize how easy it was to talk to me about that stuff when I’ve always been easy to talk about things … They don’t even have a reason other than they have either had someone else that was “ friends” that warned them I was difficult to talk to… Yet nobody has ever bothered to test that out . Now that a few of my friends have they realize that was a lie from somebody who didn’t really know me or didn’t like me. I’m trying to be positive about my friends, but most of the time I’m just waiting for them to hear something that should be completely unbelievable based on the time they’ve gotten to know me, yet they still believe it, and it destroys our relationship…. Usually it’s something that’s not true. So I’ve learned to just accept that people will sometimes believe things and not corroborated and if they’re willing to do that, instead of check back with you about the truth , they aren’t your friends really. So I guess I had a lot of acquaintances, and I’ve had very few friends

Thank you for sharing that- I relate to the sense you shared of feeling that you value others more than it appears they do you.

"mistake prominence with significance" is astute. What I most dislike about social media is that it has created entire generations that continually look outside themselves for validation and approval (no one Liked my pic, I'm not good enough - or I spent 20 minutes writing that post and no one has commented, no one is interested in what I say). It keeps people socially (and then personally) stuck as if they're all still in middle school and it's not healthy.

It’s so true… it can be hard though, because what you thought was healthy may not have been healthy. And sometimes people don’t show their unhealthy side until you’re really close to them . I just experienced the ladder when my husband and I went through a difficult culmination of 10 years of marriage struggle … our friends ended up giving advice that did more harm than good… which isn’t a huge deal. But when your friends yell at you for having emotions that you’re struggling with, and tell you not to have them … that’s not OK. Just because I’m struggling with feeling a certain way doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it but I do need to face it and deal with it and doing that with others is a good idea . Shutting down difficult, moral, and personal struggles of others, normally tear them down, but blows holes in your relationship, especially if you’re yelling at somebody who’s bawling on the phone with you. That’s when I took a step back . The advice I was getting was not only not healthy, but when I wouldn’t follow it (None of these people are professionals ) and I continue to struggle they doubled and triple down on their “advice“. I ended up, pulling away and staying with the friends who were challenging me, but we’re also emotionally supporting me during the tough moments … they knew when to correct me and help and went to just “be there”. Pulling away from my closer, friends, kind of hurt them, but they have to realize once you yell at somebody at their darkest moment, you’ve kind of sealed the deal for where the relationships going … I’m dealing with that with my husband. I don’t need it from my friends.