This has come in impeccably perfect time.. I feel I am feeling a combination of fear, internal transphobia and reverse dysphoria. I feel like I'm losing my mind at times. But I keep pushing forward, I know it is the right direction.

I'm 42, I've awknowledged I'm trans this year and social transitioned a few months ago. Yesterday night I was falling apart wondering why am I not feeling better, rather worse, with no sense of identity. It is so helpful to know you are not alone down the rabbit hole and stuff just can make sense when you know how to read it.

I am a 68 year old transman, started my transition at age 62. I have gone very slowly through my steps, so for me, it isn't going too fast. And in fact, I just had an experience a few days ago that your description of reverse gender dysphoria seems to fit. I pass as a man, have facial hair, present masculine. But I'm short, 5'2". I was in a warehouse, picking up some gutter guards for my house, waiting and watching the men there moving about. I started to feel very uncomfortable all of a sudden, didn't know where to put my hands, thought I look like I am standing like a girl, they'll see through me. I finally stood arms crossed, more manly I thought. What I processed later was that one man there was dirty, unkempt long hair, scraggly beard, big beer belly and butt crack. I think it triggered my past history of sexual abuse from men that looked like that. I have been processing these traumas with a gender therapist, and will discuss this with her next. What happened this past year is that my internal sense of self or identity has been evolving. When I first started my transition, I identified as non-binary or agender. But then, something triggered me into realizing that I was using this label to not deal with the sexual abuse from my past. My subconscious was saying I am not a woman, but can't be a man because man = abuser. I can't be this horrible monster, so I will just not have a gender. I am processing this. You must have encountered trans people with similar histories, especially someone as old as me, who, because of historical context, society, culture, have had to repress all sense of authentic self. Thus I pushed away the trauma, and ignored it for years! It's come back to bite me now. But I can say that I am more comfortable in my masculinity, despite these setbacks. I can call myself transmasculine, or a transman. Thank you for your information.

Those fears... • Am I going to pass? • Are people going to think I'm a freak? • Are people going to think I look like a man in a dress? • Will I be ugly? • Will I be not manly enough? • Will my voice give me away? • What if I lose my job? • What if everybody leaves me? • What if I end up all alone? • What if my safety is jeopardised? Wow... you hit 8 of out 10 for me... thanks for this amazing video... yeah, I am very much _actively_ holding myself back right now... not rushing.

I’ve been struggling so much with reverse dysphoria but I had no idea there was a term for what I was feeling. Having the language to describe these feelings is so helpful. The fact that this is something that is normal relieves so much anxiety. Thanks so much for this video!

I pretty much defeated the occasional reverse dysphoria by accepting that I'm really neither, and female is just "close enough."

Age 46. You always post subject videos exactly when I start having self doubts again at certain stages I progress. I needed this video right now. I meet with a throat surgeon next month and now it's almost a month away I'm having doubts again if transing is really the right thing to do though I know I'm absolutely fine more times than I have doubts. First doubt was 1 month before HRT appointment last Nov. 2nd doubt time was March when changes were starting to appear & that induced some fear. Now this time. THANK YOU!

I stopped hrt (estrogen and blockers) about 2 years ago now after being on it for a few months with the Nhs. Honestly biggest mistake of my life espicially if you live in the uk. The wait times are horrible espicially if you have another health problem like me. About 4 months after I stopped I got in contact with them again. I've had a few appointments and I've still yet to restart hrt. I have an appointment on the 24th of this month and hopeully thats the last before I restart again. I was so lucky to be on it for my age with the nhs. Just before I turned 20. I've pretty much finished male pubirty since I stopped hrt and this was something I desperatly wanted to avoid since I was 15. All I can say is listen to your heart and dont let transphobia take a hold of you

Is this like imposter syndrome? This seems to explain why I spent 18 months living as a gender nonconformist rather than as a trans woman. I've been on HRT and out as trans since then for 6 years and I still have moments when my sense of self reverts to "man mode" and I have to stop a moment to gather myself. What complicates matters is that my female identity feels weak and inconsistent (I identify as a "demi girl") as opposed to my naturally feminine sense of expression which is quite consistently strong. The result is sometimes I have this "imposter syndrome" even though theres no actual sense of "manhood" causing it.

I had reverse dysphoria for a few years because I'm non-binary and it didn't hurt as much as regular dysphoria, and I wasn't far enough in my medical transition to successfully look androgynous.

Good video! I experience a bit of reverse dysphoria when telling people my pronouns sometimes as I'm still 'clockable', but for me personally misgendering feels worse, so moving forward at a sensible pace (not too slow, not too fast!) seems like the way to go for me...

I have been soooo so fearful, of the things that come with acknowledging I am experiencing gender dysphoria/am trans/ might/am going to make changes…like top surgery. I’ve beaten myself up for how the fears have held me back and I’m autistic and am realising I have delayed emotional processing and that’s made my journey slower (I’m almost 35). It’s made the process of acceptance of my queerness hard to trust. But this video took so much tension out of my body. My fears are slowing me down…but I hope that means I will have not rushed into anything. It’s good to acknowledge that actually changes that can be so good for me, still might come with challenges, simply because they are “changes” and as a autistic person (recently diagnosed) I’m learning that change is hard and transition from one the thing to another in general, is hard for me…so maybe the fact if i do have testosterone, I want to have very very low: doesn’t mean I don’t want it…it’s maybe that I know that I don’t like but changes and am scared of loosing familiarity, even if that familiarity is causing dysphoria. Would love a video on how being autistic can make being trans confusing or more challenging to recognise. Especially as a lot of queer people are also autistic. You, your wisdom and your articulation, is such a gift.

Am an trans woman started in 2020. But I did exactly what you said. I came out quickly then went back and gave up myself. Scared I would lose my job and struggled with how I was tought . Now an trying start over again

Hard feel on moving too fast! Another thing for me is that I'm part of a plural system and majority of my headmates/alters are the body's agab instead of trans like me, so there's a lot of reverse gender dysphoria bleeding through or appearing when they front. We're still figuring this out though

Thank you so much for this! I've never heard anyone discuss this topic before, and this experience can feel so lonely especially when cis clinicians aren't aware of this.

Transition is hard. Fears must be confronted. They need to be rationally worked through. Sometimes, it will become apparent to a person that transition just was not right for them. The overwhelming majority of us who decide to transition do not go back, and in fact, cannot go back. Going back would be devastating. But there are those who made a mistake in deciding to transition and choose to detransition. They may confront a trauma or come to understand better their sexuality, so transition is not right for them Doubts will arise. There often is a period of certainty after starting transition. Then three of four months later you run out of patience and start asking yourself things like how am I ever going to pass, will I lose all my friends and family, this is so hard on my marriage, being trans is so rare so how can it be happening to me, what was I doing with my life up to this point, how am I ever going to do this, etc., etc., etc. There are so many steps along the way that seem unreachable that you find yourself asking "what have I done." But with each step you take, the next one somehow seems more sensible. Do not be afraid to analyze what is is really happening with you. Get help, most of us need it. In my case, everyday into my transition I know more and more whom I really am. It is wonderful and I finally can say I am a happy person. If you started a serious gender transition, you very, very probably are trans. It is something you must face to live a happy life. You have to keep hope and faith you will get to a place that works for you. Dr..Z, you are the best!

If anyone hasn't yet read the book "On Your Terms", I highly recommend it.. I have both the paperback and the audiobook and listen to and from work at least 2 times a week. It does help some to settle the anxious mind. But I also find it helps me with my internal transphobia and keeps me motivated.

Considering how my dysphoria almost killed me without me being aware of it and internalised transphobia kept me from ever accepting I could be trans, it took me a while to get on with it. HRT was hard to het but I've never been happier. I just wish I could've started in my teens not my 20s.

This killed my transition, the constant discomfort as soon as I left the house.

Yes! Dr Z with the foul language! Foul Language = Honesty in my book! 2 months into Social Transition and this is very helpful!

I've had a ton of this but only mentally. I'm very introspective, so I feel like I know exactly what I need, which is pretty comforting. I started T recently and im waiting for my voice to drop with both excitement and anxiety. I'm ready to take this step though, as scary as it is. Also, you're like the Edna Mode of gender transition :D love it

I too am Soooo Absolutely happy you are back Dr.Z !!!!!!!!!!!!! Your personality, voice of reason and common sense Is a Huge, breath of Fresh air.......... To those of us that truly suffer from this !!!!!!!!!!!! You, Are the best !!!!!! Love you lady , Randi.

I'm so happy that you're back posting videos! ❤💙💛💚💜

When I started living in my true gender back in late 2018, I then had 1873 days or 161,827, 200 seconds of dysphoria waiting to be seen to start the process. 'I call it the not knowing if your going to be seen dysphoria'' But during that time waiting I took little steps to help me on my way like electrolyses, IPL, hair pampers and retail therapy. I've now been on HRT since January 🙂 and I'm still taking little steps. I've reframed from things like Botox as I'm letting the HRT process take effect over the next year or so. I see myself as a little Rose sapling gradually growing into a one-of-a-kind beautiful Rose. I've had knockbacks along the way like most and it affects us all in different ways but after a day or so I pick myself up and push on to become this beauty individual Rose. 🌹

I think one thing to maybe confront for me is that I had so much fun playing roles and got comfortable in playing a role and do not feel comfortable beig my authentic self. So being seen as me doesn't feel fun any more. It's odd.

I have not experienced this, however, the way I've gone about things seems like it would tend to miss reverse disphoria: change one thing at a time, let it settle, keep it if it brings me joy, drop it if it doesn't, then move on to the next thing.

I suppose in my case, both yes and no. I've definitely had to contend with the feelings of anxiousness that things are moving too fast and I won't know what to do, or haven't adequately prepared or taken other steps. However, I'm also nonbinary and genderfluid, which in a sense allows me to go about life as my AGAB sometimes and not have to worry that I'm "doing it wrong." There are no third genders in society after which to model myself, so I have to discover it for myself, and keep reminding myself there are no wrong answers. My goals are to get to the point where I can freely switch my gender expression back and forth, to change myself at will, and my biggest frustration is that I'm not quite there yet.

Thanks, I needed this. I know I've been taking the steps, and need to trust the process, but mind sometimes wants to be faster and faster and not wait to things to happen at their own pace :(

Whenever I try on some clothes I put in some breast forms and even have a wig I still feel like a man in a dress I see fake and it makes me dishearted. I'm afraid to go outside in the way that I like to present. And yes I am concerned about my job My job is very conservative but this is still very early days and me figuring stuff out your videos have been a big help thank you

Thank you Dr Z ❤I have felt that but I just kept things at a comfortable pace. Glad your back!!!

I had my SRS surgery in last February, 2 years after I started my transition and 1 year after HRT. While the surgery bring me a lot of comfort, a lot of happiness and a lot of self confidence, for the last couples of months I started to experience a different kind of dysphoria. It's like my body try to remind me what I was before. It don't last long and it's not uncomfortable, it's just annoying. I can cope with it... for now. I hope it won't get more intense, although it intensified for the last few weeks. But now, thanks to you Dr. Z, I understand what it is and why this happen. It's true my transition has gone rocket fast. Two and half years to go through the whole process is quite fast and at 53 Y/O, I have a lot of my masculine past to overcome. I think it's a normal process of the transition and I have to go through this. I have no regret of my transition, and no regret of my surgery. This is something I needed to do and at 5'6" - 120 lbs, I now feel that I fit with my body. I'm confident that this dysphoria is just a phase that will go as subtly as it come.

Nice to see you back.

This was me in 2023 but it was caused more by external factors. I waa going to a toxic environment, a LGBT club where I experienced gatekeeping. I started to question if I was truly Trans because most of the ladies I met at the club were into guys only. Made me feel because I wasn't into guys I wasn't truly a Trans woman. Since removing myself from that space I've felt much better. Also saw that transitioning was right for me because I do feel much happier. My depression has reduced. Also I've found better friends that support me.

Thanks you for making us aware of this. ❤ your work!

I am definitely experiencing this. But mine is different, I'm moving forward. But I'm going on 3 years trying to get facial hair removal. I can't move forward anymore, I feel like I'm stuck between worlds .😢

Yep the whole castle fell after one made fear pop up and boom reverse dysphoria re thinking everything

I loved the costumes she designed for The Incredibles.

I keep feeling like I'm going to be "caught out". "Caught out" in what, though? That's the question I keep asking myself...

Needed this vid today after trying out my first dress in a store today. Reversed GD is terrible, thank you for informing us!!!

Hi, I have been a United States Marine for 18 Years. I am 37 and about 5 Months ago I came out to my wife as Trans MTF. Initially she supported me fully. Having that support allowed me to take the steps to inform my Commanding Officer confidentially and start the medical process to start transitioning as active duty. No one currently knows except the Commanding Officer but I am at the point now that I can start HRT within a month. Everyone will know once that happens. Leading up to this point I lost the support from my wife. Understandably, but I don't think I can stop the process because I can't ignore the feelings I have about myself. I am in a position where everyone around me feels their value is linked to their masculinity and so me being Trans will immediately cause me to be targeted even though ive always been a high performer. I am struggling to maintain the course I know is right for me due to the future of solitude that it seems to promise. I plan to continue forward and have decided to retire one year early in order to minimize my time in that environment. Being so introverted I do feel I will be lonely after this. I love all of your content and find it helps me understand things on an intellectual level and scientific level that I find reassuring and helpful. I am in a unique situation as a higher ranking service member. I plan to come out fully and transition in service and think it will show others its ok to be yourself.

I’m 21, and I recently went through a massive upheaval with family. The second form featured prominently and it left me psychologically crippled at an awfully inopportune time.

I find it so wierd when people say “hormones and surgery aren’t required to be trans, and for some people social transition alone is enough to alleviate gender dysphoria.” Social transition is so hard, there’s the social-anxiety and the discrimination. For me social transition is also not necessarily more reversible than surgery: I changed my name 20 years ago and no one in my life knows my deadname. I updated all my documents including my birth-certificate. But I present as male even though I have taken estradiol and had surgeries. I consider myself masc, I am MTF. I wish people would say “for some people social transition is the hardest part and they might not have the privilege to socially transition because of safety or discrimination, and for some people taking hormones and getting surgeries is enough to eliminate their dysphoria. You don’t have to socially transition to be valid.” I’ve been on hormones for 3 years and seriously it seems like as long as I present as masc then I can be cis passing, stealth, and have passing privilege when in public. I actually want to social transition more, but for me I can’t handle the social-anxiety (I get panic attacks). My mental health might never be good enough to socially transition all the way, but hormones and surgery have made my dysphoria easier less severe. Growing breasts is one of the most satisfying things in my whole life and has made me a lot less suicidal. But I could off of estradiol and get a mastectomy more easily than changing my name and updating all my documents and all my gender markers all again. I don’t really believe it when people say social transition is more reversible; or when they act like surgery is a big deal and social transition is a small deal (like if I get a neo vaginoplasty, then I can still present as male and just be a male with a vagina.)

Thank you so much for making this. I've never heard this explained so clearly. As an anxiety sufferer having forewarning of this phenomenon is incredibly helpful.

❤ Thqnk you Dr Z, for caring so much and also nailing the truth so accurately. You are such a blessing ❤

I feel that a lot. I was so scared but in such pain I started everything at once. Also everything that could go wrong went wrong. I had transphobes all around me, I had to disapear from social media, I had my appartment flooded 5 times, court orders, transphobia from parents and family, I wanted to kill myself so many time, espacially when I was outed by my landlord and one of the construction worker that knew raped me in my own appartement. I had friend killing themselve. Any time I experience a lot of stress I feel huge doubts about being trans. But I'm grateful for all these internal factors because they are distracting me enough so I don't experience reverse dysphoria a lot because I'm too busy dealing with shit. Thank you for letting us know.

Thanks you drz, i so nice to see you back ❤

Thank you so much for this video, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this, and it's actually a common trans experience. Deep down I know this is the right direction, but it's still so scary. I wish good luck to everyone who's going through this difficult yet worthy journey.

I had about 6 months of some of the best progress I ever had. I stopped hiding my chest at work and got way better at make up in a short time, I was a server at a restaurant. I was being up front with new guests and regulars about my pronouns and such. I love my chest, proud of my girls, but something switched and I felt I couldn’t do it anymore and I straight up quit my job 😢 probably doom scrolling too much and reading TikTok comment sections in tandem with the rapid fire strangers at work. Two months later, super needed this. I’ve been doing entry remote online jobs to avoid other humans and it’s not working out. Gotta get back to the land of the living. Thanks as always Dr. Z, I’ve been watching you for years.

Im 21 about to start hrt i also have had childhood dysphoria but i have an anxiety disorder so i hope thar this doesn't happen to me.

Hi Dr. Z, I just want to tell you that I think you are providing a great service and wonderful advice. I wish you had been available when I was young. I was born male but knew I was really a girl when I was 8 years old and I am now 78. My parents denied me any help. So missed out on getting 'puberty blockers' with the obvious physical results. I went through my change in my 30s. It was tough but I was determined and have only regrets that I couldn't have done it sooner. I am in awe with all the help available to young trans people today. Thanks again for you are doing and I look forward to new content. Carol

I am a new subscriber and just wanna say thank you for all the tremendous work you do. Your videos helped me discover my gender identity and give me hope and knowledge for moving ahead with transition :)

Resistance to change is evidence of change.

Thank You. Thank You. Thank You!! I really needed this today to help me with this problem that I have been experiencing for the past few months after being on low dose HRT since last October. Was starting to doubt myself and was very worried and confused

Nice to see you, you change the vision of dysphoria

I started transitioning in my early 30s, now 8 years into my transition, and have experienced this several times, both early and later into it. For me, it's due to the mismatch between my physical transition route and my sense of identity, when placed into the wider societal context. What I mean by this is that I have a crystal clear sense of what my issues and needs are regarding body dysphoria - it's that stereotypical "born in the wrong body" thing. Being AFAB, I instinctively knew I should be running on testosterone and have a "male body", before being able to verbalize it. Hormones especially have been healing and joyous for me - 10/10. However, what I am as a person more broadly, and gender-wise, does not match what is expected of someone who needs these medical interventions. It almost feels wrong to call it gender dysphoria, but it is. The more I explore and experience, the more I find myself not vibing with the construct of gender altogether. Social transition, trying to shoehorn myself into manhood with the flimsiest of ideas of what that is for ME beyond that association to my hypothetical ideal body, caused me a great deal of this reverse dysphoria (I kept it a secret, so I'm grateful to hear it discussed). That was the area where I was indeed rushing - trying to force myself to "identify as a man" in order to get medical care (gatekeeping overall played a role). I very quickly threw the "acting like a man" nonsense in the trash, and never wanted to be stereotypically hypermasculine to begin with, as I'm very far from that, but something still wasn't clicking. There was just so much to feel that I do now recognize that I wasn't able to feel fear, beyond the fear of not getting hormones. That was the only thing I could think about at times. Even when going into surgery, it wasn't there. It's just more likely to present as anxiety or anger. Is that manly? xD (/joking) My "true gender" has remained elusive. I find myself agender, I suppose, but just needing a "masculine/male" body for whatever reason which feels hard-wired. I find myself wishing I could detach that body from all notions of sexual dimorphism, gender, reproduction, all of it, and just get to be at home in it without all that baggage. Even if a body is enough of a reason, the word "man" is kind of a big one, if that makes sense. I was realistic beforehand about how my body may remain ambiguous, and I have made peace with not having that magic wand to make it a perfect match, to reach peak comfort. While that ambiguity is an unfortunate reality, I am naturally ambiguous in many other ways and happy to be. I don't conform to gender. I don't want anyone's preconceptions to dictate my life. So I try to do what I'm told: "just be yourself!" as if I live in a vacuum, while I exist in a world which would have me in a category of person created separately from me and my life experience. A category which evokes mental images that don't match my experience. Even nonbinary identities can now have such ideas associated! Those categories exist as an external pressure - which spaces I can occupy or surgeries I'm allowed to have depending on whether I'm legally recognized as, and "live as", a man. I currently do, as best I can, and that can feel foreign because it is! It's undiscovered country. So, I'm quite isolated. If someone indicates that I pass, or encouragingly tell me they consider me a man, why exactly is that? A deep voice and facial hair? Those are just things I like about myself. There's plenty of non-manly things about me too, and manly things I lack, but something about me matched their schema of "man". The same can be asked in reverse, if they clock me. But neither scenario has any bearing on who I actually am. Does it? Someone born with and happy with the body I need to have for my mental health, and have transitioned as close towards as is currently feasible, would automatically be considered a man. But finding out what kind of man I want to, or am "meant" to be - what is "masculine" or "feminine" about me and what that means after decades of being perceived as female/girl/woman - remains a work in progress. Looking at that WIP when not exactly young anymore has caused dysphoria to the extent where I have at times doubted myself and found some of the milestones miserable. The internalized transphobia has been brutal. Despite all of this, overall, I would never go back to who I was before transition. It doesn't feel like a mistake. It feels inevitable. There is no life without pain, and I have found moments of fulfilment and serenity I never could have in that closet, or the egg, or whatever that place was for me. I may have an unusual nonbinary journey, with a secondary "convenience/survival label" of "man" that I feel attached to, comfortable or uncomfortable with, alienated from, depending on the weather... but it is mine.

I went through this thinking it was because I was 43 when I started my transition. I lived for so long as that other person it felt like letting go but much more difficult. Watching this helped me understand that in a more positive light. Thank you.

TK you for your knowledge on this because that's how I fill back and forth.

I'm 22 years old and a lot of what you mentioned applied to me as a trans girl who's been transitioning since 18. I pass very well and sometimes I think that I might be wrong but then I immediately follow it up with a "pfsht, naw lol."

Thank you!😊

I am 4 months on HRT and spiro. The last week has me doubting my decision to transition. Before I started HRT, I was constantly thinking about dressing as feminine as I could and doing hair and make-up. About three months into HRT, I noticed that I was not thinking about clothes as much as before. I have not spent one a dollar on new womens clothing in about 2 months, which is a long time for me. I have not dressed in my dresses for weeks. I do wear women's jeans and pants, etc, that are just the female version of the type of clothing that I wear as a man. I have decided to keep on my path. I feel that this is part of the process, although it feels counterintuitive to feel so this way at this point.

Wow, that thing about moving too fast towards the right path...I felt like you were talking directly to me all of a sudden haha and it makes so much sense. I had one session where I asked my therapist if she could use he/him pronouns and already during the second session I told her I had changed my mind and asked to go back to she/her because it felt sort of safe and familiar and not like something I wasn't allowed to do. I thoght it must mean I'm in the wrong for thinking I'm trans. Not much time after, I'm still here wanting to be a man, even after that experience. So, to learn that there could be this other option I didn't know about it's interesting and helpful whatever decision I'm going to make. So thank you for sharing this.

Hi Dr, Believe it or not I'm still here(...thanks to you !). Samantha

Thank you I needed this so much

I'm 32, I kinda had a very weird transition, but I have had a very weird life. First I should say I come from a place that is weird to begin with. I had loads and loads of trauma sure but I have also had trans thoughts and trans experiences since i was 4 before all that. So I kinda know its me not the trauma. One of my reproductive organs died when I was 5 so puberty and hormones have been weird for me. When I got my base hormone levels tested I started medically transitioning with like 205 T and 198 E at 32. I tried socially transitioning when I was 13 before. But because of the medical issues I had my parents would often overshare those issues to everyone, so I was sa'd multiple times because of it including by baby sitters and their kids and I was always treated like a freak by everyone. I also grew to be the tallest person I know sadly and this has always caused some layer of dysphoria and I couldn't understand why. I always wished I was a short girl and not a tall what ever the hell I am. I always saw myself as nonbinary without the words to describe it because of what happened to me, but I have always had these feelings and I remember some dysphoria and euphoria I had when I was 4 years old trying on my cousins dress without telling anyone, and pretending to be mommy with my dolls I had played with at my grandparents and great aunts house who they bought for their grand daughters. None of them could understand why I prefered to play with the "girl" toys and then when I started cracking egg wise I came out as nonbinary at first because yeah this was easier for me to accept and it was easier for others to understand with me that knew me. Turns out no I am girl yes I was amab. I tried switching back I tried boy modeing for a cosplay and I couldn't do it had a emotional break down and couldn't do it. My partner was devistated because we were cosplaying as yuri and victor from yuri on ice and they really wanted both of us to be happy but I couldn't be in the dress clothes. We even tried a more gender fluid version of victor and I broke down crying still. I have been on hormones for about 7 months now. I have had people tell me I fall under the intersex umbrella when I talk about my issues but then intersex people don't see me as one of their own when ever I talk to them about my issues because its not like them its different than them. Even though the reason why that organ died I found out was caused by a genetic trait I was born with its just weirdish, multiple family members have had same exact issue but theirs didn't die. I don't fit in with cis people never have even before the medical issues and I never fit in with intersex people due to the gatekeeping behind some people in it being just the chromosome based issues. I do get along with trans people but they also when ever I bring up these issues go "you might be intersex", and I am like " yeah maybe but idk". I have never had my chromosomes tested nor do I actually want to because to me it doesn't really matter I am who I am either way and I am complicated. My gender and my sex because yes I don't see my sex as the same as the binary way of thinking because it really isn't. No therapist I have spoken with was equiped to deal with any of my problems, and I have gone through 4 gender affirming therapists in just 3 months. None of them know how to deal with the issues I have had and I know my issues are complex and unique. idk anyone who has cheated death as many times as I have. All my fears kinda already came true with transitioning. My partner kicked me out until they realized they needed me, my parents disowned me till they realized they needed me, I faced discrimination, I have been hate crimed. I lost several jobs. I had life throw curve ball after curve ball of health issues I overcame and cheated death over and over again. No one in my shoes should be alive but yet here I am. You could say "well it could be worse you could have cancer" already had that fear, already beat the crap out of a tumor had it removed, luckily because of the type of tumor it was I was still able to go on HRT. so yes I am lucky, yes it could be worse, but the tumor was kinda in my skull, and made up of the fluid that keeps your brain moist. Yes I experience "you only think your trans because the tumor." And I am like bitch I knew I was trans when I was 4, they did MRI's on me when I was 8 because my parents thought I had something wrong with my head like ADHD because I am trans and they wanted a explaination why I wanted to present fem. I was diagnosed with ADHD because I am trans, because I had gender dysphoria. Because I had emotions. because I cried. because society is very ablist against anyone of any difference. Also all the doctors and therapists that my parents picked out they would only go to christian doctors and push their religion heavily on me even picked my deadname out of the bible and all my siblings too and constantly preached homophobia and transphobia to me all the time. Apparently when my parents got the "gender reveal ultra sounds" the doctors said I was going to be a girl, apparently my heart beat was really fast and my gentias weren't formed yet at that point and yes I seen the ultra sound it was also weird. After my cousin who came out as gay died it kinda motivated me to come out as I wish I could have shown them my authentic self before they passed, they passed because the rest of the family couldn't accept them. It caused me to hide myself further and keep hiding myself and repress myself. And out of the ones who were accepting of my cousin only 2 of them were like "yeah I seen that since you were a kid that you were trans and pan" and 1 of them I haven't talked to since I was a kid so yeah they only reached out to me after that cousins passing and finding out I was trans from one of my less accepting relatives who posted and outed me to the entire family. IE my parent did this.

Do nothing and live with despair, do something and you have to deal with fears... Fears are only issues that have not occurred and may not occur at all. Having said that, I can't say that facing fears can always be done at least not for me, it's just despair tends to become certain if nothing is done.

This must be what I am feeling. My identity has become just a mess. I feel in limbo, not feeling masc or fem. I have been on hormones for a year now and just started coming out in public. After I went out last week I felt lost the next day. Not believing what I just did. My female identity is not there all of the time.

i would say for me the reverse dysphoria comes from being stealth. even though im a trans guy i actually feel kind of sad when i pass effortlessly and people perceive me as cis. i want people to see me as a man and still know im trans

For me there is a sense that I loved so many things considered feminine or for women growing up, and I am freaked out to loose them, or freaked out to loose the ease with which I did them. I don't like the whole idea of "doing gender non-conformity" when putting on a dress as a man. I just put on cute stuff. Masc stuff still feels non-conformative to me because I grew up as a woman. I definitely cling on the non-binary label because I don't want to be robbed of genderfuckery.

I thought this was going to be about me lol I am was asfab. I feel like I dont look look like a girl which is upsetting (because I am so thin?). I've been trying to save up for some fake boobs maybe that'll help? The cost of living sucks tho so im not even close

21. I don't know what to do. I spend months knowing I'm trans, but I get thrown into a social situation with people who acknowledge my gender, at least in public, and I'm overwhelmed by worry- What if someone will hear? I can't pass, I still look like my agab. I've got religious trauma, and a ton of self-hate as a result, but is it enough to justify being in the second category? I don't know. I spend time with coworkers, and I do physical work, and it feels like the dysphoria is.. Muddled. I don't know what to do about this anymore.

i feel like this all the time lol being trans is sad asf i hope it gets better

You're back!?

But does moving in the wrong direction mean that you are not trans? Because I'm afraid I fall into the second category. I've been questioning my gender since I was 12 (I'm 20 now) and suffered from a lot of doubt, dysphoria and reverse dysphoria ever since. When my egg first cracked I experienced a lot of fear and doubt and reverse dysphoria, which made me think I was not trans and decided I was probably just a crossdresser. Until years later during covid my gender feelings came back and while I did feel a sense of excitement, I also felt a lot of reverse dysphoria as well. Then when I went to university in 2022 I started feeling dysphoric about being a man again and thought I might be non binary. Later I started crossdressing again and feeling like I might be trans again, and the whole circle repeated itself. But this time I was older and more experienced to process my thoughts. This has made me overcome a lot of the doubts I had as a kid and made me more confident that I am probably trans and want to transition to a woman. But I am still plagued by a lot of reverse dysphoria which makes me question myself. And social pushback from my parents (saying I'm going too fast and that they find it hard to get used to my dysphoria and seeing me as a girl) has only made my doubts even worse as I don't have the confidence to explore my identity more. Me then not taking the freedom that is given to me to explore my identity then makes me feel fake and like I don't want this hard enough to be trans and that I maybe should settle on being like non binary, gender fluid or demigirl or something. Because I'm very certain I am not cis, so if I'm not trans I must be some kind of non binary, or bigender/fluid. But that means that either masculinity or androgyny should be part of my identity. But I don't really know what that means to me. What not being a woman means to me. Because to me it feels like not being a woman means I am a man (not denying that non binary is a real thing. It absolutely is. It's just that I don't think I am non binary and can't relate to the idea of not being either a man or woman). So for me not being a woman means being a man, and I hate that feeling. It makes me feel gross. But then I think i might be faking that dysphoria or am not trying hard enough to like being a man. So I try really, really hard to like being a man or like being some kind of androgynous, but it always feels incomplete and uncomfortable. So yeah, if it feels like I'm rambling and panicking here at the moment, it's because I am. I feel like I have this voice in my head (which I now know is reverse dysphoria and imposter syndrome) telling me I'm not really trans and am moving in the wrong direction. But at the same time feeling like being a man or non binary isn't right for me either. So moving towards a woman is supposedly wrong for me, and being a man or non binary is as well. So what the fuck am I supposed to do?

🥰🥰🙌🙌

Can it happen when you are still questioning your gender identity? When I realized I may be trans I quicly came out socially to my friends and parents, but this sense of uncomfortableness came into me. I then stepped back and thought the things more carefully. Im still qiestioning myself but i know im nonbinary or a trans man, I have this constant desire of some masculine traits or being a man but i feel uncomfortable thinking about it, but sometimes (very few times) i feel happy being a man. Idk if this is just my heart telling this is not the right path or its just reversed gender dysphoria TvT

I’ve suspected this is going on with me. I’m non binary and I’ve been looking at ffs because I hate being seen as a man. I’m now panicking because I want it but also I’m scared of things going wrong. I’m scared if I go on hrt I’ll get breast cancer. I’m 32 and all you’re saying lines up

would reverse dysphoria be a reason that lots of binary trans people might first come to the conclusion that they're nonbinary?

Z 4 ZERO!

Considering its normal to feel weird acting like the other gender, isn't that just a normal feeling? Which I think would suggest that maybe the treatment of transition isn't right for that person.