I've gotten to the point where I feel like I'm the narcissist, I've gone crazy 😢

They can somehow make you feel real stupid. I don't think they are smart, but I think they have a degree of intelligence which they use to manipulate. Another great lesson.

They will often help you out, by saying something like, “I’ve always treated you with respect,” or, “I’ve always been concerned about your safety”. It’s an added layer of gaslighting.

The love bombing stage is what hooks you!! And it hooks you deeply!! It’s such a powerful tool for the narc and they know exactly what to say and do based on their knowledge of you your personality your beliefs etc

OMG. This explains my life. This makes me sick, but I'm glad to finally be getting the truth.

Part of me flipped back and forth between he’d bad for me and he’s good for me and it was so cohesive with “I’m enough” and “I’m not enough”. He kept a really good balance knowing that when he gave me so much validation it was a fine line between okay I’m good enough to leave him and I’m only good enough for specifically him. It was total battle in my brain 24/7 trying to figure out if I was good enough in reality and deciding he was the reason I felt terrible about myself ever since I was with him. I remember getting clarity once and I told him “I think you’re the reason why I feel this way, I think it’s YOU who makes me feel terrible about myself”. And I’d get that clarity after he lashed out critical things about my personality, rather than appearance. And then he told me “no I think it’s YOU who has problems with yourself and it’s not because of me”. And then started being sweet to me again. And when he was sweet towards me I’d be in a spiral of “I need to be enough for this guy in dating”. And it was just a terrible cycle and every time it cycled my insecurity and my belief that there was something wrong with ME got so much worse.

My dad always made me feel like I wasn’t enough because of my weight. He’d always compare me to my skinny older sister. When I started dating my ex who is very toxic he treated me like I was the greatest things since sliced bread and finally made me feel like I was “perfect”, which is what I had been striving for since I can remember. We started eating a ton of fast food and I gained about 40 pounds. This totally consumed me and made me completely insecure because of my weight. He would tell me that I could be 200 pounds and I’d still look great, but I attributed his words to feeling like I could only feel like enough to HIM, even thought I was brutally insecure from his harsh words. I stayed with him for a long time feeling like he’d be the only one to accept me. Food has always been an addiction and a struggle for me. I think he knew that along with my feelings of not feeling good enough if I was overweight. Instead of criticizing my weight he totally enabled it purposely so that I’d gain weight and stay trapped with him.

Now I understand what I went through....Thank you...

My Ex-Narcissist never hit me. But the verbal abuse, he had a degree in social work and psychology he knew how to mind FUK me !

Great video Michele. It really helped me put my past in perspective. I also really liked the "no shame in having had this done to you" caveat. I wish we could educate the entire population in cognitive dissonance considering what's going on in the world today.

Something that happened to me was before I got into that toxic relationship I’d say for about 8 months right before i began dating him I was in the most peaceful and genuinely happy place I had ever been in in my life by a long shot. And for the majority of our relationship I 100% believed that I had all of these issues to fix and that he was not the issue. I ruminated for so long about how come I feel so differently and terrible now? And for months I planted a belief in myself that because I had peaked in my life right before we got together, I believed that getting better than I ever have been before just meant that it would cause a terrible downfall. Like with weight if you lose a bunch of weight at once and keep it off for a while how most people gain it all back plus more, I thought that’s what happened to me emotionally. So it completely instilled this fear in me about getting better. I still struggle with that and it’s like a push and pull emotionally with me. Even though now I know my downfall was because of him I still struggle with the fear of getting better and rising up emotionally because I worry it’ll make bad things come. I especially struggle with it because just like I had no idea what hit me when he came along before, what if it happens again? What if I get a lot better now and it just makes me vulnerable to another person secretly destroying me? I logically know that it isn’t true but I still feel that emotional caution to getting better as much as I can. I only let myself creep up and get better little by little emotionally everyday now because I worry if I give it my all I’ll just come crashing down again. Could you do a video go help with this? Although this was a personal and specific scenario that happened with me but I think the advice would be beneficial for a lot of us.

Oh my gosh, Michele! I just had a very similar conversation with my therapist about just this subject! Cognitive dissonance and my continuing struggles with PTSD! Thank you so much! This video is very very reinforcing! 💞🕊

The Spell of Cognitive Dissonance

Oh WOW, Michele, I have heard many life coaches, therapists, Dr., Ministers on line to be healed. Much gratitude to them all. You are gorgeous! You have thrived and blossomed so much since a few years ago. You have always been gifted with wisdom about all you teach. God Bless you, Michele! 🌹🥀💐🌻🌼🦋🥰🌈🙏

Thank you so much Michele! You are saving people’s lives!

The part about going to the therapist and saying "there is something wrong with me"...exactly that 100%. The covert narcissist is the most dangerous type because the cognitive dissonance is so thorough.

100% Michele. My mom sows doubt and makes me question my thought processes ALL the time. Nothing is never good enough for her....

OMG the reality and enormity of abuse for 40 + years is now telling. I blamed myself and all the 5 points you made are truth. I am so glad I've now filed for divorce the impact runs deep. I am in therapy and will seek to heal my nervous system when i am ready. I hope we all get ti heal and free from this hell

I'm working for a narc. The cognitive dissonance is awful. I've thinking of quiting. Like giving my 2 weeks notice tomorrow

I remember that ufo story. Thanks for your insight.

honestly michele, these are like horror stories we lived, your video titled am i the narcissist almost saved my life then and many other helpful resources similar to yours

This is the most helpful KZfaq video I’ve ever seen in my whole life like everything just now clicked for me

I kept seeing this in my KZfaq feed and so I finally watched today. But before that I had an epiphany that the reason I'm upset all the time I'd because I expect him to love me, but the reality is he just won't. Cognitive dissonance!

I never heard of this before, but it describes my relationships exactly. Thank you for this video You are a good teacher..

Thank you soooooooooo much! Very helpful to understand what happened to me and the symptoms of the trauma of the narcissist abuse! On my way to recovery 🎉🎉🎉

Yea. My therapist thought I was the problem!!!😢

Clear and simple like truth

Just seeing this title I know it’ll be such a good video

Constant fluctuation between being nice n nasty... Good/ bad... Hot/ cold... First, they drive you crazy... Then, they call you crazy..!!?!

Sadly a good therapist is impossible to find

I'd just like to thank the powers that be for never allowing me to completely lose my sense of self. Once my narc ex started flipping from nice to unpleasant week after week, whilst I did experience overwhelming anxiety, part of me always was sat back thinking "What the hell is going on? I've done nothing wrong". That part of me never went away and in the last 3 months I became even more aware of what she was doing. That part of me got stronger and I left the relationship a week ago. I can feel that this video alone has healed me alot by just watching it once - Thank you!

I think this applies to Event 201 as well. 🤔

Thank you so much for this ❤

The 5 things at the end happened to me. I am still dis-regulated after 20 years.

Can codependent parents cause the same effekt?

Your content never fails. I appreciate the vast amount of knowledge you have bestowed upon me and my fellow recoverers of narc abuse. I e appreciate it.

Absolutely brilliant stuff!

Very good analysis . Example/analogy : How can my mother sabotage my life ? She loves me , there must some thing wrong with me , it must be all my fault, I am not good enough. At 9:46 narcs can sense when you are at the detachment point and reverse it on you, excellent observation/analysis 100% correct.

This topic links to a related topic.... Narcissism and the Self-Help Industry, which often teaches that cognitive dissonance is a good way to motivate yourself.

Thank you so much! ☀️

I've heard many "experts" talk on cognitive dissonance. Never heard one accurately describe it.

Excellent Video….Excellent Explanation … 🙏❤️🦋

Thank you…journaling his cruelty helps tons!!

Cognitive dissonance is how they convince themselves there NOT THE PROBLEM

Michele, thanks for enlightening me.

In a nutshell...rationalizing or justifying Bullshit. *drops mike

What a great vid - Michele🌟👍🏻one of your best - Thank you for the Merry Christmas 🎄✨🦌💝

Perfect explanation. Thank you.

this is great summary Michele. Thanks 💪💪

Yeah this seems to be going on. I wanted to keep it going until a certain point but that may not be the best thing for me, might be better to cut it off before we get our daughters back.

Please make the video how to break Cognative Dissonance. I have had all 5 things you said happen to me.

Sounds like making excuses to save our pride, and ego, so don’t feel shamed.

Thank you so much! Makes so much sense! How do you fix it!

It’s weird how you frame it as if like a person is consciously or strategically just doing this …… (Majority people don’t understand human interaction that well to purposely engrain this level of confusion into someone)…… the worst part is it’s unconscious so they’re not aware or even if they are aware to an extent they don’t comprehend the significance of the impact they are having. But other than that there’s no better explanation breakdown of what this dissonance does to you than what I’ve seen here 👏🏾

This is so clear the way you explain things, but do I feel like my father has some dark power over me and I can't move ahead even though I am n/c?

Michelle, hello! I am still searching for an old video you posted, I don t quite remember the title, but it was more or less "20 signs you are in a toxic relation". That video saved my life 3 years ago. Where can I find it? It disappeared from your list of videos... Thank you so much

In your school of transformation will you have the live portions in the evening or only in the daytime? (I work during the day)

Or our biggest cognitive dissonance in life… “I love animals” while eating a steak and egg breakfast. And before you say anything, this isn’t about vegan, vegetarian or any other eating choice. It’s literally believing you love animals while engaging in the consumption of them. This is trauma as well. As children we are taught to love animals including farm animals. The cow say MOO the pig say OINK the duck says QUACK. The drawings are cute and loveable. If you’ve read Charlotte’s Web, you are shown to cheer for the little pig. Then you have bacon for breakfast and nobody tell you its the same animal. Then you get older and you’ve got a huge wall between the two things you’ve been taught. I always felt betrayed by my parents for feeding me the same things they were teaching me to love. Sick really.

I’m in cptsd now 31 years of marriage 😢💔❤️‍🩹