As a person named Shane, I'm always super aware anytime shame comes up.

One thing missing from this video is the point that we can be conditioned into feeling shame for things that we really shouldn't, or feeling it way too intensely. Just as the avoidance of shame can become maladaptive, so can the shame itself. So for someone who had toxic parents, who made them feel shame for things that you never should have, that person is going to struggle if they try to use shame as an indicator for when they should change their behaviour. edit: No, the part he briefly talks about at around 5min is not what I'm talking about. That part is just a "and here's an example of how powerful and long-lasting shame can be", not "and that's why you shouldn't always assume that it's a good idea to listen to your shame".

Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. The only antidote to shame is true humility. -Uncle Iroh

My mom already gave me this lesson, might not have to watch this one. Edit: the old title for this video was “why you should be ashamed of yourself” that is what I am referring to in this comment.

"Guilt is 'I'm sorry, I made a mistake'. Shame is 'I'm sorry, I am a mistake'" - Brené Brown

I gotta say I’ve been ashamed of myself almost all my life but I’ve almost never used it in a beneficial way. I’ve spent a lot of my adult life running from shame and allowing it to paralyze me by simply avoiding everything and anything, and in turn I’ve developed agoraphobia, social anxiety, panic disorder… I get why this vid isn’t for everyone but I genuinely find it SO helpful to view shame in the way you’re describing in this video. so thank you 😭

Shame is a social tool to control behavior, sifting through what we should and should not be ashamed of seems like a good idea.

There needs to be a distinction between feeling shame for something you can work on improving about yourself and feeling shame for something you have no control over. Also, shame can be dangerous for anyone suffering from chronic depression. All it takes is a little nudge and down the spiral they go.

The Dark Dr. K arc

Shame is the reason for my Trauma. 💀

I'm always ashamed of myself... I don't need permission; in fact, you can't talk me out of it. It's my default setting.

I dunno man, I understand the point and it's a good one (about not running away from things but fixing them), but something bugs me about it all. I mean, it's easy for the shame to become toxic. I feel ashamed of feeling and thinking that life is hard for me, and if you look around at my life, it really is hard, and there are many factors outside of my control. Yet I tell myself that I'm somehow supposed to be stronger than the whole of society and even my government, and I'm supposed to thrive in horrible conditions, and that's how I shame myself. And I'm not entirely sure if what my shame tells me is true. I sort of feel like society has to fucking heal and I can't do it all by myself despite everyone. But shame doesn't care about it. So is the solution really for me to become stronger than everyone else? idk, I'm not so sure

Im starting to get into this strategy myself. But for me, shame can only be used as a motivator after you realize what exactly is you're own fault and what is in your power to fix.

I experienced childhood trauma which led to my development of C-PTSD and I suspect that people who experience trauma have an unhealthy relationship with shame. In my experiences, the shame becomes a deterrent for taking actions because I fear the severe consequences that come in the case that I fail in doing an action (because now all my actions are tied to their outcomes) and I take on the identity of a failure/worthless person where my mind tells me that its pointless to try so I should stop taking an action because its only going to lead to pain or pointlessness. My unhealthy relationship with shame has led to very self-destructive behaviors involving school that ended up screwing me over in my life today as a 30 year old man. These behaviors included: - not trying in school or ditching class because it made me feel ashamed of myself - not doing homework or studying because it made me feel stupid and incompetent - avoiding people because I was ashamed to face them for whatever reason - procrastination in doing tasks - dropping classes/stop attending classes because I felt so ashamed of my performance that I would fall into a behavior of retaking and failing certain classes over and over And you know the worst part of it? You realize that you are doing it but cannot seem to stop yourself from doing the same mistakes. So, in order to cope, you go towards your addictions or negative coping mechanisms and ignore the fact that your life is falling apart/in shambles and that you're not doing anything positive to fix it. To answer Dr. K's call to re-expose myself to the shame, I would not do it for something high stakes like school. Its costly both financially and for your future.

This video is very interesting, but I feel like it should've addressed the problem of what you _should_ actually be ashamed about and what you shouldn't. It's true that in today's society it's easier to avoid shameful situations, but it's also true that there are a lot of things we consider shameful for no good reason whatsoever. If we don't make sure our expectations are right before starting "the grind", we risk entering an endless cycle of shame due to never being satisfied with the things we have and the results we get. Not to mention situations where we're manipulated into feeling shame by someone else for their personal benefit, whether that be a toxic partner/relative or a company trying to sell us their products.

Don't avoid all shame by retreating or by growing, avoid it by realizing that it is dumb and you can let go of it. Easier said than done I guess. But is it really good advice to tell someone whos ashamed of their beach bod that they should try to get thinner? What if it is all in their head in the first place, and they end up developing anorexia and never stop feeling the shame. They should maybe just accept that theres a chance some people will judge them, but in this modern world you can actually find friends who won't judge you (I think maybe), and you can not judge yourself (I think). But seriously theres two moral goals in life that I can think of: 1) for yourself to be happy 2) to contribute to the world. Insecurity doesn't help with either goal. Now you can escape insecurity by fixing the problem, or by stopping to feel that way without fixing it, or letting go of it. Both are hard to actually do, but I think both should be considered

I understand what everyone is saying about toxic shame and it crossed my mind too. I and many other people have the problem of feeling embarrassed for something that should be normal. Still, I find this video very valuable, because using shame to move us forward is the other side of the coin. It's a question of balance, of discerning when to use one approach or another.

This feeling of shame is what made me lose 60lbs after my 18th birthday. I remember saying to myself "enough is enough".

Shame is what keeps me from doing anything with my miserable life :/

I've listened to a lot of psychological advice and self-help stuff online for years and this is the first time someone explains the function of shame so succinctly. Thank you, Dr. K!

I think what we need to focus on is when people over-shame you to the point it stunts your growth. People are the reason that people don’t change. We really need to discuss situations like that. When constantly shamed, even when you are doing at all and random people you don’t even know are talking nasty about you, is bone crushingly scary and intimidating. People use shame as a toxic tool to beat you into submission. I’ve wanted to apologize for certain things that didn’t go well only to be shamed to the max. I had people I didn’t even fucking no coming up to me and around me talking shit about me near me. I tried to be nice. Do you think it helped. Nope! I was getting my ass mentally kicked every five minutes. I was expected to sit there and take it. I felt unloved, disgusting, overly ripped apart. I saw these people make mistakes and continue to do so even after because they were still. I definitely didn’t see them getting ripped apart they way I was. People can really hinder the growth of others.

Shame is what keeps me in a cycle of never doing anything I want to do and not knowing what I want (because it is stupid or pointless). My mother instilled in me a feeling that what I want does not matter, leaving me with only needs. My entire personality is trying to secure my needs and once those are secure, trying to prevent future needs. Naturally that is somehow impossible. You always have to eat again, you always have to clean again, all of these recurring things in life just slowly eat away at me as I try to prevent them and never make any progress. If I get anything done it is because the motivation comes from external pressures. I get work done because someone or something is telling me that it needs done. I get stuff done at home because I know it needs done. I don't ask for help because it is shameful because I'm putting my burdens on someone else and in the off chance that I'm breaking down and finally do ask for help it isn't taken seriously or no one knows how to help me. All of this because my narcissistic mother had to prove to the world that she is a good mother. I have crippling shame and never feel good enough because of you, but hey, she got her child through college, so clearly she did a good job, right?

I didn't think I needed to hear this. I thought, "Of course I'm ashamed of myself. Tell me something I don't know, Doctor." But I needed to hear this. There is a way out of hopeless and shameful situations through right action.

i love these titles. you should shame yourself NOW

Guilt: I did something bad, and I should do what I can to repair any damage I've caused, or at least not do the thing again. Shame: I am a bad person. I need to fix myself. I think guilt is overall healthier because it's less likely to be chronic / toxic because it's so much more PRECISE and ACTIONABLE. Guilt is specific, whereas shame is an overall negative evaluation. I think shame is kind of like the unhealthy side of the same coin as guilt.

Idk about this.. I love Dr.K, but I feel like a disclaimer needs to be made that this is for people who are already in a somewhat healthy state of mind and aren't behind in life in some way. Like me in particular I'm a recovering NEET and recently diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and have began working with a therapist. I realized that deep rooted shame, zero confidence, and low self esteem kept me stuck for 2 years. There were a lot of factors that led me to becoming a NEET and some wasn't even my fault like childhood trauma and undiagnosed Anxiety disorder like I mentioned. I figured that out and practiced tons of self compassion to break out of that. And I also fixed my confidence and self esteem and my life is going towards a great direction now. Getting tons of job interviews and I think an offer might be coming soon. So shame would just devastate me and make me go back to my old ways 😅😅😅. This video is for a *particular* population that has their sh*t together somewhat and that's certainly not me YET lol.

14:52 I request you to create a 2nd part of this video that addresses the nuance of shame. Shame is good for you, yes but in excess it is bad. Chronic shame is no good just like chronic sadness is no good. So, how do we address that. A video style similar like your "When to change who you are vs when to accept who you are" would have been more appreciated since that acknowledges both as solutions with nuance. Similarly, accepting shame and improving yourself is important yes but I feel the lack of solutions for the opposite side of issue/chronic shame.

I have heard it put this way... guilt is healthy, shame is not healthy 😎 Guilt is something you feel when you do something you know is not in your or anothers best interest, shame is something you feel because of a distorted social concept that is using emotional tactics to control very healthy choices that challenge the distorted social norms

It's the opposite for me. I feel guilt and shame so much that it's overwhelming. I feel that way long after other people forgot about it.

As someone who's been through a lot of abuse, shame is something I've more often seen being used to manipulate and control than to actually encourage people to grow. I use treating myself like a video game character and being happy when I level up, valuing the perspectives of people I trust, taking responsibility for my choices, living without regret, and preparing for my future to help me grow instead of letting everyone dictate how my life should be. I don't think positive shame has to be this big overwhelming crippling thing that keeps you trapped as it does in abusive situations. It can be encouraging yourself to try again or a friend encouraging you to consider a different perspective. The way something that makes you grow and something that keeps you trapped feel are quite different even if they are utilizing the same mechanism. The only way I can see positive shame feeling like abusive shame is if you've drowned out growth for so long that when someone confronts you about it you recognize how bad your behavior was and can't deal with the weight of your choices, or if you haven't healed from the abuse in your past so even criticism from somebody you trust feels bad. If you aren't drowning things out, are healing, and are learning I don't think you have to feel that depth of negative shame outside of abusive people.

Saw an interview with Alex Hormozi when he was discussing how to do the hard things to take charge of your future you basically “use what you have”. Most people aren’t starting from a place of passion, but instead a place of anger or shame. I think a good point to sum this up is Shame can be great at initiating change, but hopefully down the road you’ll develop enough positive associations to keep you going with the good habits

This makes a lot of sense. The feeling of shame is so strong that I can remember nearly every shameful moment of my life with extremely accurate detail, which has led me to avoid situations that I find even slightly reminiscent of these memories. I've now learned that I've gotta do the exact opposite, and that the vividness of these painful memories is actually more of an aid.

Idk Doc. I'm a trans person, and my relationship with shame is a lot deeper than just sucking at Dark Souls or being afraid to dance (although, don't get me wrong, I do accept that I suck at Dark Souls). I'm ashamed of existing tbh, and I'm often told that's how I should feel on a regular basis. When people in public, neighbours, your family members, friends from school, people on the news, soooo many people online, and even people in your government are constantly telling you that you're a selfish monster, a demon, a sexual predator, an unlovable circus freak, a science experiment, a degenerate, and a waste of space... you eventually start to feel ashamed just for waking up in the morning. And sure, I can move past some of those things and do my own thing without letting it get to me. I try to surround myself with positivity as much as I can, and I've grown thicker skin over time, but that stuff really eats away at you after a while

This was at the perfect time. I'm really struggling in my classes and I've been thinking about dropping out because I'm ashamed of how bad I'm doing.

Dr. K, what the hell man?

I’ve spent so long avoiding shame that thinking about what I SHOULD feel shameful for is difficult. And when I can hazard a guess I feel like I am just basing it off what other people seem to be ashamed about. I think for a long time I bundled shame, guilt and regret into one pile so I just threw them all aside for many years. Tapping into emotions to go beyond an external understanding feels like it will take some time.

I already hate myself

This whole thing makes negative sense to me. I have no idea how to turn shame into a motivator. Whenever I feel shame it lingers and colors everything I do, and I really don't improve through shame. I only grow in comfort, the minute shame is introduced I shrink back into feeling stupid, useless, incapable of growth. I can't really pin this on the internet, as a so-called "elder Millenial" this was my experience even as a child. Shame meant I was dealing with something I could never grow past. It still does.

Dr. K's videos always come at the perfect time :) I have a lot of childhood trauma and now I'm trying to re-wire a lot of the patterns from the past through therapy. Recently, I got back into a rut that shame pushed me into and made me trapped in. It's been a week since I've properly taken care of myself. I'm really grateful to come across this video now before I feel deeper into this rut, and I'm motived to use shame to make positive changes in my life again. Thank you so much

It’s not the shame that teaches you. The shame just makes you alert to what you already have to learn

Shame has never been a motivator for me. Guilt has, but shame leaves me feeling defeated, helpless and self-hateful. In my understanding, guilt occurs when you have done something "bad", embarrassment is when you feel you are perceived as "bad" and shame is the feeling that you are inherently bad and therefore nothing you do matters because you can't change it. I felt like Dr K was talking more about guilt and embarrassment here. Shame is something my emotionally immature parents used to control me and let their frustration/anxiety out on me - in my experience it's only ever been abusive. I didn't fit their unrealistic and unspoken expectations so they shamed me and made me feel like I was a piece of sh*t. This was not productive and not even a true reflection of who I am. If there is an evolutionary purpose for shame, I would say it's a call to check your own personal value system, define what it means to you to be good and bad, separate your behaviour from your character, evaluate how you fit in society and assess if the people shaming you are helpful or harmful.

Thank you for bringing this up. I used shame as motivation and it worked perfectly rather waiting for ‘support’ that was never going to come from people around me at that time in my life. I’m more independent and able to care for myself than if I hadn’t shamed myself into doing things I was scared of.

It's almost like we need a different word for shame about things that we have the power to change vs things we don't. There's plenty of shame being doled out to folks over things like gender identity, sexual orientation, normal-but-not-conventionally-attractive body sizes/shapes, having normal sexual urges, etc. that lead to behavioral change that is often harmful to oneself. Dr K's framing of shame here focuses on using it as a motivator toward positive change (as opposed to pure avoidance) and I think he's spot-on; but when it comes to things we can't change about ourselves (and arguably shouldn't be forced to change) the approach has to be more in the direction of de-stigmatization and embracing of the thing that one was made to feel ashamed of. It's the same emotion but two wildly different treatment paths depending on how much agency a person has over circumstances that evoke the emotion.

There is plenty more to say on the topic, yes... If someone gets too big of a stack of shame sources on them, it can be crushing. Which wouldn't be the case if shame avoidance weren't so easy today. Overcoming causes of shame also builds confidence (I suspect, anyway), which would make it easier to overcome future deficiencies/incompetencies... so if someone doesn't have that the challenge is that much more daunting. People need major sources of support and strength to face the stack of shame, ignore all but one layer, and keep them up while they DPS the hecc out of it. And then again until they catch up in level.

Shame is inherently negative. It's a blockade disabling you from experiencing things and see if you find them good/enjoyble or not. Thats the only guide/moral compass you need, not shame itself.

this video resonated with me more than Dr K's usual videos. It's a message we all need to hear and it's helped me understand something I struggled to put words to. Thanks Dr K

That was actually super inspiring. For a very long time my parents told me that I tend to start new things but never get through some plateau in what I started, just change directions. Now I’ve been going to arts academy for 3 years, and the shame is really a problem, I always avoid any kind of comparison because I feel like my art is bad. That video really inspired me, I suddenly thought - I was trying to convince myself that I don’t have to compare myself, and my art is good anyway - but maybe if I accept my feelings about my work, and accept that it’s maybe not as good as I would like it to be, that’s a chance to get better. No one’s obliged to love my work just because I did it. I think I’m gonna try to start putting myself into different contests and open calls, to harness the shame. That’s a wonderful advice

Really good advise! Thanks!

My mother was a narcissist, and I went to public school as a fat kid, and my older sister was violent and abused me every day. Ive had enough shame for 100 people, im drowning in it.

0:10: 😳 The video discusses the importance of shame and how it can help address problems in society. 3:27: 🕺 Shame can drive personal growth and motivate us to learn new skills. 6:12: 💔 Shame in ancient societies led to a strong desire to avoid it, but physical restraints made it impossible to retreat from circumstances that induced shame. 9:18: 😔 Shame can cause people to abandon their endeavors when they face setbacks. 12:10: 🔑 Utilizing shame can be a powerful motivator for behavioral change. Recap by Tammy AI

Another great video that took something I've been subconsciously realizing over a long time and made it crystal clear for me. I need to learn how to use my shame and not run from it. At the same time, I wish Dr. K more clearly made the point that some shame is useful but sometimes people make you feel shame when you did nothing wrong, which deserves a different kind of response.

This is a slap in my face, thanks for the wake up call. All I have been doing is going in limbo from one thing to the next never facing what I am ashamed of, and truthfully has all been on my own doing.

evil dr. k be like:

I have autism and I'm really bad at understanding my emotions. I finally learned to recognize shame at 21 years old (I'm 23 now) and it was life changing, because until then it was this huge overwhelming feeling that almost physically pinned me to the floor, there was seemingly nothing I could do. I still have a lot to learn, but learning to recognize this feeling as shame and finally being able to understand what it means gave me the opportunity to work with it, to choose my response and to say "I have this emotion" as opposed to "this emotion has me"

This video isn't for everyone, but I needed this message. Yes some points could be added but if he adds everything it'll be hours long. For too long I've been unproductive with my shame, and I need to try learning to move forward with it and make it productive. Thanks Dr. K!

I’m loving the fact that the title moved from why you should be ashamed of yourself to why shame is key to a better life. I guess editor was too ashamed of the title.

I've been in therapy for over a year now. I've talked about my shame around so many things for so long. And my therapist tries to tell me to look at my shame as a lesson but all I always feel I like a failure. Why are you explaining these things so well and make me understand these lessons so much better than any other mental health professional before?!

Thank you for making sense of shame - and for turning it into something useful, functional constructive and forward bringing.

Love you, Dr. K. Thanks for another upload!

OK Dr K, I watched the whole vid now, and a topic you don't cover is toxic shame. Oftentimes we're brought up to feel ashamed when we really shouldn't. It's still bad to run away from this shame, don't get me wrong, but the way of dealing with it is different in this scenario.

So we went from "men don't benefit from therapy as much because they see things as problems that can be fixed"' to "you should allow yourself to basically be told what's wrong with you and you need to fix it". Which is it? Being shamed is a social thing, and societies where shaming others is accepted if not encouraged are notorious for creating cold, unfeeling overachievers who end up with mental health problems later in life. Which... makes people need therapy or suffer without it. Is a mental health professional telling us shame is good just a form of job security?

Holy shit, I didn't realize how much I needed to hear this. Thank you Dr. K

Very insightful. Thank you for sharing this video.

Somehow I can manage to become a better player and complete Dark Souls without shame... Who the hell really feels ashamed in single player video games

This gives me a lot to think about. On the one hand, it means I should give more consideration to how that shame I felt during the majority of my marriage has affected me. On the other hand, I have to weigh those feelings against the fact that my ex-wife was a toxic, emotional abuser who used every opportunity to make me feel ashamed of myself so she could control my behaviour. Separating any valid criticisms she might have had from the gaslighting & belittling feels like it's going to be a pain...

I got recommended this video the day after having one of the most shameful experiences of my life. Without going into detail, I will say that it involved my college roommate who I'm going to be living with for the next several months. I can confirm that everything in this video is absolutely correct--it would be impossible to put into words the immense drive I feel to drastically change my behavior so that I no longer need to feel ashamed around my roommate.

Wow! that was powerful message!

I feel like Dr. K has lost the pulse of his audience with this, and I mean that with all sincerety. The way he's addressing shame might work for someone who already has a healthy approach to life, and therefore does not need therapy. This is why I find it concerning. Yes, I'm old and I have a therapist. But all the same, I have typically gotten some good advice in these videos, and in some cases it has provided me with a springboard for the weekly session. My gut sank the entire time.

I feel like this is a subject requiring more than 15 minutes. There is good information in the video, but judging from some of the other comments, and my own view, there is a lot more that needs to be discussed. Like, what do you do when bullies in a group refuse to let you grow? You are made ashamed of something, justified or not, but instead of being allowed to improve yourself the group refuses to let it go. Be it from parents, peers, teachers, bosses, or random strangers on the internet it has to end once you do improve yourself. The internet allows us to hide from shameful experiences but it also allows bullies to make people feel ashamed without reason or end. Shame has two sides and we cannot forget that, no matter how important it is, it is pushed upon us by others who don't have our growth or the survival of the group in mind! They only care about their own amusement or power or profit in mind! A much better discussion is recognizing what you should and shouldn't be ashamed of and who you allow to shame you. That alone will be over 30 minutes at least.

I'm so glad dr.k did a video about this. I discovered not too long ago after reading more about stoicism that shame isn't something to be afraid of, it's an opportunity for you to grow a signal life shows you that there's nothing to be ashamed of. I was once very scared of public speaking, but lately I never cared about what people would think of me since I do this for me and not for anyone else, we often overexaggerate what people think of us if we did something that made us feel shamed when, It's never the problem in the first place.

Dr K, you are the best! Thank you!

This video came at just the right time. Yesterday I almost caused a friend to get hurt by mentioning to a crackhead that he was wearing a Gucci belt. I’m gonna go tomorrow and apologise to my friend so I can get rid of this shame. Dr.K, you’re the best!

What about when the shame has nothing to do with wanting a higher skill level, such as when toxic people shame you? If the shame is supposed to motivate you to change, would you recommend changing by getting away from those people, or by learning how to respond to that kind of toxicity in some way? It seems like the shame may be misplaced there if someone is shaming me for something that I didn't actually do wrong or wasn't deficient in, or something I didn't care to change but I feel ashamed because they are mad. ETA: I don't think this video was a miss so much as it is incomplete. Can we request a part 2?

The root of this is to face your fear rather than letting it control you. People need to stop running so much from fear, pain, anxiety, and even discomfort. The better you can deal with those things the sooner you'll be able to get back on track when things go awry, and dealing with those things is a learned skill like anything else.

This was wonderful as all your videos! I used to feel ashamed quite strongly and all the time (like many times a day). Never thought my therapiest (dbt) could convince me it wasn't completly unmotivated feelings. I needed to change, and successfully did so through acceptanse and all other methods DBT make you do. But your videos help explain all the concepts they couldn't explain to me. I still committed luckily enought and had both. Nowadays I really feel how much I grow new circuits in the brain all the time, only have some years of bad habits to unlearn, but now I finally have the power to do so. Thank you very much for all the amazing work you do!

1:28 imagine getting this out of context

Thanks for the reminder. I’m calling my therapist for another appointment.

This resonates with something else I heard once. The more difficult choice is usually the one that leads to the better outcome.

This actually makes sense. I always get everything done for the day an hour before my husband comes home because I would be too ashamed if he realized I've been watching KZfaq for 4 hours.

I'm still going to watch because you help me a lot but i don't want to be ashamed of myself. Because I'm the type to sit still when i do feel bad. I know there's people who fuel off negative emotions but shame, frustration, irritation, etc. All these negative emotions make me "give up". I know your titles are to hook in viewers so i could be wrong. This is just my first impression

You could say this about Guilt more so, Guilt is Objective Shame is Subjective a jury does not find one to be shamed but guilty, guilt runs straight to the heart you know if you are or aren’t

I agree with this. Shame is a really potent emotion and it has honestly one of the main catalyst behind my most productive weeks/months/years. Being ashamed of not being the person you aspire you can be is a strong driving force to turn you into a better person

Amen Dr. K God bless you brother, you save souls.

I wish I heard this all in my teenage days. My life would have been very different

No, I don't want to do this on purpose. It's already an occasional part of everyday life, so I don't need to give myself more shame on purpose just so I can "grow faster". Not going into a grocery store where people will give you shameful looks is a healthy choice in my opinion because life is full of people who are, while not necessarily toxic, always hungry for scandals and embarrassments (cf. the yellow press) because it distracts them from their own shortcomings, so I don't see why I should choose a path of growth that includes feeding them entertainment. Also Dark Souls wouldn't make me feel ashamed, just frustrated at the tediousness, so other than the standard "you have to keep practicing to get good" I don't see how this game "got it all along". And here I thought this video was about people being shameless on the internet and just not giving a crap about exposing their private lives (and sometimes private parts).

astounding, exactly what I needed.

Good video, thank you

Dr. K, this is super helpful, but what about identifying if the shame is necessary or not.

I would say you are more describing guilt. Shame was described to me as a lingering feeling that prevents you from growing. It can be brought on by friends or family, society, or a number or other source, but I was taught shame is debilitating where guilt is more disciplinary.

I will practice this for my next sneaky job Thanks Doctor

I was abused as a kid, and this is really relevant to me. I kind of came to this conclusion on my own and in much different less eloquent words, but even without understanding this concept fully, I did understand that something was different once I started admitting to myself, the things I was actually ashamed of, and not shutting it out like I was used to.

Evil dr.k made the title to this video

Idk about this one. Due to anxiety I feel shame for things that I should just let go or consider but not dwell on. I don’t run and I go and confront it yet it still haunts me. Maybe you mean guilt? Guilt is a solvable feeling due to doing something wrong and correcting the behavior. Shame is generally associated with being stuck and hating yourself. Also your behavior has to be accepted when it changes and people rarely let you change. They hold onto their impressions and it becomes part of their ego. I try to use guilt and the many times I’ve fd up to be better and not to run from it. But having them haunt you 24/7 isn’t exactly helpful.

That makes sense to me. I was moving a lot when I was a kid - thus switching social context every few years. I think that's when I picked up the "start anew rather than trying to fix it" - mentality and why I just try to distract myself everytime something get's uncomfortable. Thanks!

Thanks!

Dr. K can you make a video about what to do when you get cheated on?

The moment I try not to be ashamed of myself, I make wrong decisions and blunders.

This video is exactly what I needed to hear.

Your videos are a blessing Dr. K

damn dr k straight roasting my ass now, kinda like that approach