The classroom example is pretty poignant to me, because I’m a 37 year old grad student, and I am frequently the only one in my classes who wants to pipe up and speak or answer. I can SEE the discomfort on the faces of the younger students who haven’t learned to process their shame at possibly being wrong. I simply don’t care any more - in my mind, being wrong is simply an opportunity to be right the next time. Self-reflection has been absolutely life-changing for me.

this man just told me how to be a better human AND how to climb in game IN THE SAME VIDEO plz don't nerf this

So essentially, I can’t control that when I hear the doorbell ring, I _want_ to run and hide, *BUT,* I _can_ notice and control my _reaction!_ This is great. Next time I hear the doorbell, I will try and stay exactly where I am, rather than run away! Progress!

"The way you react to the world shapes your personality" This isn't your everyday's Behaviourism. THIS IS ADVANCED BEHAVIOURISM!!!

The classroom scenario really reminded me of this incident in my class a few years back. A teacher asked a question and called on a girl, she got it wrong in front of everybody. Must have felt awful. A few minutes later the teacher asked another question and was looking to call on someone else, this girl who got the previous question wrong raised her hand and asked "can I try this one?" And she got it right. I was floored by just how awesome of a personality she has and it hit me as I thought "why can't I do that?" And I realized that I've been autopiloting

"The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem." - Captain Jack Sparrow

I swear Dr.K is such a blessing for humanity.

8:00 sitting at front, sitting at back, wanna disappear 🕳 10:40 observations, called on at front, feel stupid, sit away 12:13 emotions also reactive, someone asks q, everyone looking at u grinning, recognising ur the butt of the joke, on guard 13:00 ego/sense of self & identity/belief of what u are, protects urself 13:45 if u tell yourself u dont deserve love, u dont feel bad rejected (armor, numb) 17:00 samskaras, digest ur emotions 17:40 18:10 reflecting regularly 19:00 or sum scar will affect ur behaviour 19:48 personality altered, digging a hole for yourself 20:05 the way we live our lives is like how we play video games, *most ppl will stay at their particular skill for their entire lifetime.* 20:50 how do u play for so long but have no progress: 22:00 on autopilot, not thinking/processing the way u play the game 23:40 personality not stagnant be intentional; how u react & learn from mistakes 26:58 society of fixing, moving forward 27:50 28:05 personality isnt shaped by what u *DO* , but by how u *react* 28:35 i wish i had that other personality, i wish that when i lost a game, i learned from my mistake & went in hoping to do better 29:30 looking for perfect after imperfect 30:00 but what was *my* contribution? 30:30 not fixing a problem, study ur reactions 32:20 expectations 33:50 replay analysis, ur learning will shape ur behaviour 34:30 problems may be hard to fix, but what is even easier is fixing yourself. 35:25 1) Notice smth/what ur mind is telling u 2) Play the tape to the end 36:00 Question ur fears. what will happen? consequence? so what, why? 37:25 *intention* this isn't a game i'm playing to win, but i'm playing to learn feel stupid -> what will i do? distract or prepare? to feel better tomorrow 39:30 discovery, front & feelsgoodman (they learn telling vs throwing fit = W) dbt 43:50 u cant control ur initial response, but can study for ur reaction 46:35 critical vs observation (see what happens, non-judgemental) 49:40 self critical 50:10 numbness, supressed, u want ur mind to be calm, balanced, work thru ur emotions 54:00 running away vs embracing, gradual progress, acknowledge it sucks 55:28 56:25 *pay attention to how u react!* 57:20

Honestly as someone who had allot of social anxieties and have adhd this is good to see you trying to help people I had to learn the hard way by getting out there. But I’m actually genuinely grateful someone cares enough to help people that no one gives a shit to understand.

39:31 Just wanted to chip in on this real quick: I was that kid all my life. Sitting at the back of the class. To escape the spotlight, and any discomfort it may involve. Skip ahead 14 years since I last went to school. Due to life's unpredictability I ended up wanting to return to school and get my degree. My personality had obviously changed throughout the last 14 years, and so had my attitude towards learning, as well as my belief in myself since last I sat in a classroom. Long story short, I challenged myself to sit in front, to be "that student", and I applied myself to make sure I didn't make a fool of myself. It was a revolutionary discovery for me. School was honestly the most fun I've had in a long, long time. But more importantly, I discovered my true potential. A bittersweet experience, to be fair, yet one that I would never be without. So please, believe in yourself.

my teachers in high school were very good. they never cared about the right answer they just wanted the students to attempt the problem. nobody successfully solves a problem in first attempt. failing and learning from failure prepared me for exams. the more you attempt the more data on the problem solving you have and you can use that data to become better at problem solving.

Just ended a relationship and have been looking at how to grow into a better person because of it. Some of the best advice I've found is "to be the person you want to date". Don't just expect the other person to accept who you are and solve all your problems. You have to be someone desirable. Doesn't mean to take who you are. But if you want a partner who is emotionally available, most likely they'll want that as well in return.

finally, this is my year

I'm 29 yo. And I feel I've completely messed up my personality. All I learned from my adolescence is how to be invisible in groups. I have no idea how to make friends. I can't flirt of course or even approach women. Not only I don't have things I like. I literally can't think of things I like, because all I've ever thought is "it doesn't matter what I like". I can't even act or think or talk in a genuine way. I literally can't. There's nothing genuine about me anymore. I know how to pretend that I'm a complete person, when inside I'm empty. A dead carcass of a human body. Over the last year I've been isolating myself more and more because I just can't tolerate my awkwardness anymore. One on one conversations are straight up Painful to me. I avoid friends gatherings because I feel I have nothing to contribute, I'm just a witness. There's never anything to talk to people about. Nothing to ask. And nothing to make any topic last. I honestly can't understand how in the hell people enjoy having conversations. A conversation is probably the worst form of suffering there is.

this is stuff should be taught in school, it's pretty crushing learning about simple yet life changing things so late

27:00 well you see, sometimes you switch champions and DONT lose, and thats the most nefarious thing. Then it starts reinforcing the misguided behavior that you can just seek out external solutions for your problems and not look inwards. Same applicable for relationships, carreers. We decide on a foolish course of action, and sometimes it just works out by virtue of rng, or we just have a good day unrelated to it. But we associate the two and slowly create this bad habit.

One thing to note: Back of the classroom is a luxury for someone with corrected vision. I was a front row sitter out of necessity for a few years there because my eyes were rapidly getting worse as I aged, and my parents couldn't afford to get my glasses updated as fast as it was changing. If I wanted to be able to read the board, I had to sit close enough. And talking was often easier than reading or writing, so I'd listen and answer enough to please the teachers. This might have in turn altered the way I was perceived (smart! studious! but inexplicably "lazy") and thus the way I perceived myself. And it led to a missed ADHD inattentive diagnosis along the way, not that they were very good at catching it in girls my age when I was an adolescent in the first place.

20:39 This whole point make a LOT of sense to me. When I used to play competitive games, I never really thought about what I was doing, I just went. But after watching videos on how to improve (and generally becoming more self-reflective), I improved so fast. A year ago, I was around B rank in Tetrio, but now I’m mid U rank (around top 1000) with just 250 hours of playing. And I think it’s really due to that change of mindset I had, you’ve got to be aware of and critical of your choices, so that you can figure out what does work and what doesn’t. And I find it really cool that that is applicable to real life as well.

Speaking of seating choices, I tried to sit at the very front for my 1st year Botany/Biology class to not fall asleep, I still regularly fell asleep

I notice I get defensive very easily especially when it comes to questioning my intelligence or integrity. It’s happened all the time especially into my adulthood. I always feel attacked when I’m challenged

When Dr K says you don't go around your day to day life actively processing everything that's happening... Is it weird that I do? Like every decision and move I make there's an observer in my head being like "you're doing this because of x trauma and you're doing that because of conditioning or because of your adhd" etc etc

This information is so valuable. This is what I've been doing to "cure" my OCD. I say cure between quotation marks because is not like I don't experience the obsessive thought loops anymore, but the times that I do, by paying careful attention to my anxiety I'm more equipped to manage the emotional reaction and break out of the compulsions. Thank you, Dr.K

"The way you react to the world shapes your personality." I can relate. One of my quirks is promoting sustainability through making the most out of an object's useful life, recycling, and promoting proper use of words and terms so it maintains quality and knowledge of language. As a result I'm pretty stuck-up with how people should behave and treat their things, I'm naturally inclined to look at things seriously, and I save a lot of random things people would consider throwing out upon first sight of. It really bothers me so many people are so quick to dispose things that can still be used elsewhere.

He is analyzing and breaking things down using examples in SUCH a skillful way, what the heck man I love your videos

It seems that Dr. K always know what I need 😅 I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD recently, so i realised that I was 'masking' a lot. Now that I don't have to do this anymore, I am lost when it comes to 'what is my personality and what is my mental disorder'. Thank you for this video!

Literally googled this last night 💀thank you doctor

This is the best video I have ever watched in my entire life.

Bro is this guy seriously going after all of my problems damn

0:30 Real. My personality changes after every new Ryan Gosling movie comes out.

Wow this made me realise that I subconsciously partly figured this out myself. I have bpd that I've learnt to manage and I always say I have an "instinctive self" that still reacts unhealthily but my "intentional self" which is what people see has learnt to challenge my instinctive reactions and do better. So I might get unnecessarily over upset at something, but where I used to spiral into an hour long "depressive" episode, now tears swell up but then I ask the person to clarify what they meant and realise I have no reason to be upset lol

I dont feel like having any of these problems these people have but i still enjoy watching them so i can understand others better

This is actualy such an important insight. Thank you Dr K. You've really been reshaping the way I look at the world. Truly the best gift you could give a person

its like living life in 3rd person view - always observing yourself (your reactions/behavious to certain situations) beautiful video Dr.K thank You!

The gaming analogies always get me lmao because it fits so well and kinda makes reality seem like a simulation but not in a bad way, but in an understandable way where life is actually manageable. Looking at obstacles in life as a way to level up and have fun and not something to avoid completely or be fearful of definitely puts things into a better perspective.

I happened to figure this sort of thing out in High School. I came up with it from the common sentiment of "Question everything" from science teachers and science shows, but applying it to my psychology. I ended up doubting as much as I could about myself, including my doubts, until I could figure out what wasn't worth my time doubting because I'd gone over it so much. I also accepted that I didn't know what I was doing and any success I could have would take years. It mostly worked but I plateaued after about 3-4 years and didn't notice for another couple of years. People like Dr K have provided me way more data to base my introspection on and allowed me to climb in the metaphorical MMR.

I am always after noticing myself but I am very confused when I think or wanna frame that what do I feel or think about my emotions and stuff, but Dr. K's videos are like a tongue to my thoughts and feelings and have helped me to figure out a lot of stuff. Like right now I am thinking that I have written a brilliant comment and I am hoping that it will get some attention and I am sharing this observation to get attention. All thanks to Dr K.

Thanks for the personality tutorial finally i can get one like everyones been telling me to

My man, literally helps me change a small part of my life every time I watch one of his videos and implement these strats in my life. Thank you for what you do 🙏

If you working in office, you will have to wear "professional personality" facade. Its tiring. Because people will think you are incompetent/rude if you showing the real you.

this lecture is absolutely amazing. thank you doctor k for your work

The How we react to things bit really helps to think about during conversations to avoid feeling stressed out about what to say next for me thank you!

A huge part of this discussion seems to be about identity and core beliefs as aspects of personality. I definitely felt stuck and behind in life in my mid twenties, as I was struggling with CPTSD and a lack of any support system or natural teachers in my life. Covid forced me to turn inward, where I rediscovered my love for journaling. I am naturally an introspective person, always have been, but journaling has helped me to make it a daily conscious practice. In this process I started to identify my core beliefs and challenge them. A big one was "I'm not active. I'm not sporty. I'm not fit. I'm not the type of person to be able to be graceful and in tune with my body, I am clumsy." I identified that this core belief was one that was taught to me, and I decided I did not want to own it anymore. I identified a cognitive dissonance between that thought and my desire and value to move through life in a loving way, including towards myself. I practiced shifting it to "I can learn to be active. I am able bodied, young, healthy, I just haven't had lots of practice in fitness but I CAN practice and improve." I then discovered yoga and committed to a month membership to my local studio. I started thinking "I want to be a person who..." And then I started taking action towards that until I actually shifted my identity, and therefore my personality. I now have a daily yoga practice. As a result I shifted how I eat, how I respond to others, the people I surround myself with, I gained other interests. I now cross country ski, hike, paddle board, bike. I shifted my identity and my reality.

This is seriously one of the best videos I've ever seen. Brilliant work Dr. ^^

I think we've gotten to this point in society because we no longer question ourselves, or we don't actually dig at the issue, and make assumptions. This guy is single handedly changing my perspective on myself and the world around me, and I can't be thankful enough for it.

7 years ago I was bronze 4 in league and started doing a mindfulness course aimed at gamers to work on improvement. Since I have been constantly reflecting and improving the way I play league as well as every game I play in my life. I truly think getting coaching and having that drive to improve and really following through will infect the rest of your life in profound and meaningful ways.

This is exactly how I got over heavy anxiety and panic attacks. I stopped judging and fearing it, in a way. I only observed it, observed my thought process before it, as I feel it coming up sometimes. No judgement, no analyzing, just observation. Afterward, i'd segregate the experience into pieces of cronological order, the initial being the thoughts that led up to it. I have effectively thought myself that thoughts can't hurt me. They are thoughts, they come and go. Anxiety is only getting stuck on the absolutely worst one. Panic attacks are the worst symtpom because you are completely lost in it. I'm really glad I had good, non judgemental people around me when I went through it. Hell, most people I met during that time instantly accepted it, and the ones I would have thought would judge me the most, wouldn't at all. They'd actually be quite curious about it, offering their own paths to a 'cure', you know? We need to stop being so difficult on ourselves in general. The world keeps shaping us as if we are supposed to be perfect robots but there is no school or manual for emotions, the things we feel. All we can learn is how to communicate with these feelings and in a way compromise with them. This whole experience and a bit over two years after, realising how I got myself out of it all truly changed the way I see and treat myself.

I was talking to my therapist about this the other day. The timing is unreal!! Thank you Dr.K for everything you do Love from India

Holy shit, dude. This video was amazing! Self-reflection is literally one of the most important things we need to be taught when we are young. By the way, the whole explanation about the differences between the Western and the Eastern way of dealing with life problems was absolutely brilliant. So monks are like therapists for themselves, while here in the West we tend to prefer that other people help us do that job, and no wonder it's this way; after all, we are not taught how to self-reflect. Monks are underrated to be honest.

Dr K, I'm a social work major going for my LCSW. My goal is to become a counselor and I'd really like to work with people the way that you do in your stream interviews. You're for sure one of my biggest counseling role models. If you offered trainings (for a fee) I would absolutely sign up. I'm considering applying as a HG coach but it's an issue of having the time available as a student, but I'd gladly sign up for just training.

A quote from the Philosopher Alan Watts really resonates here: "You are under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago".

I recently asked for an explanation of these yogic ideas that did not rely on knowing a whole host of undefined technical terms or religious constructs. It's been a years-long quest and then best I'd found was a little bit of Bro- Meditation that didn't actually explain the process beyond "go meditate a ton." But now, I have Dr. K. who puts it into language I understand (tho I often have to guess about the gaming references) and brings it to concrete examples my mind can grasp and build bridges to my own needs. THANK YOU 🙏🙏🙏

Dr. K you are my hero. Thank you for sharing methods on reflecting on past behavior to change personality.

God, I wish there were more therapists like Dr. K, with a more openminded perspective, tackling topics and concepts most other "professionals" never talk about or take seriously.

Imo this is Dr.K’s best video. This is some next level shit right here, already started using it today with socializing and it decreased my tension around people. Theres something about focusing on the bodily sensations and how I instinctively react, seeing how I can change that the next time, that really fucking works.

i’m so glad this came out. i had been wondering about this topic for a while.

This is so fascinating, I'm really glad i found about this type of content

Wow, I was just saying it's hard for me to interact with people because I don't have a personality and I'm constantly thinking about how the other person is going to react to what I say. This came up at the perfect time.

Watched this on 0.75 and took notes. I want to change my behaviors and you've given me all I need.

Thanks for being there and helping us out. You're doing God's work, good lad.

Wooow! Thanks man! this is seriously good stuff. try out and experiment! Literally this is being applied in psychology/theraphist session for money, but now for free online. Lots of fears, I have had, but now removed because of experimenting and trying other reactions/responses. reflection and trying new stuff is key. try to identify your feelings and set them as triggermoments to check back on yourself and make a different reaction. so amazing to see this same theory being told here! i wrote this to let other people it really works.

As soon as he asked how to change personality my mind screamed about environment placement. There's no better way to change your personality than changing the environment you are exposed to. that also includes social media, workplace, home, and any other thing that includes any interaction. Social or antisocial. One way that I like to put it is that you are an empty bottle and every interaction you make in life is a tiny droplet in said bottle. Every interaction is different, so every droplet is a different color. In the end, that mixture of colors that came from all your exposures/interactions is your personality. Though if you are unhappy with the color you see yourself in now, the best thing you can still do is to start exposing yourself to videos, people, or even a community that follows a more chill and educative pattern like this one. I hope this helped someone :)

just a random comment. I saw a shirt a while back that read: "Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are"

This is mind blowing. Thank you!

Lately I've been comparing myself to other people; because they have things that I don't and I want that for me too. The main reason is "I don't have a job and they do, therefore I'm less because I don't have an active role on society, and I can't invite them to go out because that would mean spend money I don't have". So by applying observation, my tendency is to avoid taking to people until I have something I believe is worth sharing with them. But what I've been noticing is that now people I considered friends stopped talking to me, and for me this looks like a confirmation of my feeling of not being worthy. Not only I haven't been able to get a job but now I'm losing the few connections I had, and my reaction to this is just close myself on work, fixate in the only thing I feel is useful to spend my time, because if I already lost something dear to me, the only thing left is this promise of getting a job and maybe meet new people there.

Dr K just stay cranking out videos I need the answers too

this for me is one of the most important videos dr.k produced.

Thank you so much! I'm so glad to know of you! Can you give more indepth advice on how to observe reactions and effective learning?

OMG! New ability unlocked! On some level, I knew this. Thank you so much for bringing this into focus on another level!

It's always a pleasure listening to you - your well structured brainwaves easily coordinate my caotic writer's brain ... sometimes

A good book I recomend on on changing your personality is strangers to yourself by timothy wilson. It literally describes what dr K is talking about with more insights. It talks about how the unconsicous mind automatically reacts to the enviroment and to uncover your personality you need to observe how you act and create new behaviours to create a new narrative or story about yourself. Also talks about how negative rumination leads to more negativity because you end up harshly blaming your self, instead, you should write down your emotions to process them. It's a really good book on understanding how the unconscious mind works and how to use it to your advantage!

Only 9 minutes in so far but I'm hooked. You made this very thought provoking. Nice work.

I already knew some of the stuff you were teaching but this video helped me put some more pieces together, thank you Dr.K.

For me this was the most useful lecture by Dr.K. so far

holy shit dr k you're a fucking oracle. the past week or something ive been sitting here thinking about how i have no personality and am no fun and then you post this. thank you

Watched many Dr K videos, many wasn't particularly relevant for me, but this is a very helpful one

As a medical student myself, i feel inspired by your videos. You’re making me really enjoy psychiatry, thanks!!

Thank you sir,you genuinely changed my life.

absolutly brilliant. thank you.

Thank you for the lecture, Dr. K

Miss K. is so cool. She even waves at us

Ok what I really needed this💀

as someone who has run away from situations my whole life, I'm kicking my younger self now for being such a coward! But I think part of the process is to acknowledge that part without any judgment and see how I can improve from there. But making it a habit to avoid difficulties definitely compounds -- it makes it so much harder to face problems head-on later in life. That's why I recommend nipping those feelings early of wanting to run away or sit in the back of the class like dr.k says. I always find it easier when I have a fresh start (e.g. a new school, workplace) but then if I make a habit of being avoidant, it's hard to change my course -- even though it's totally possible-- maybe I'm a little embarrassed to make a big change or shift in my personality.

Thanks for the vid. This man has just explained why I'm stuck at the same level in writing, translation, Italian and Japanese.

i really love indian perspective on psychology its just too fascinating to me and I dont even study normal psychology just find it very interesting

When dr. K says, not really spiritual it’s becoming scientific, you know he’s a good man doing the right things for individuals in need of help!

Thank you Dr. K You have really helped me and I just wanted to say I appreciate you.

Thank you for the style and information. You have utilized your life experiences for a greater good. I appreciate you!

It almost feels illegal to get this for free , thanks so much Dr K

As an artist and someone who only just saw the title... Personality is like an artstyle. You can copy it from others, manufacture it, but you have your own specific artstyle. That artstyle of _yours_ isn't something you can change at will. It changes as your brain receives new information. The thing about artstyle is that you should _embrace_ it. Don't be afraid of others reacting negatively to it. Then, you should seek to _improve_ it.

this is a great subject! I would like another stream that dives in personality disorders particularly borderline and narcissistic personality disorder.

Its like we dont data check our assumption that tilt our personality balance to a specific side. The problem is that old data will still hold the same power even if this data may not be true today. Really exited to see more about personality from Dr. K. Overall this video is a great start to get rid of false assumptions about identity.

Dr. K just be calling me out man😅... I can always catch bits of myself even when the topics aren't directly about me. Just gotta get better at implementing it irl.

The hardstuck with thousands of hours analagy is what made everything make so much sense.

Your hair looks great Dr K. Thanks for the video.

Thanks! You have a great way explanation!

I was literally just sitting in the back of a class xD

0:06 I guess having a bad eyesight is a perk, some of my friend mentioned it too, like "why you want to sit in the front?" and I just reply "My eyesight is bad that's why" , and that also applies to that random voice in my brain, cause my brain is now thinking, "okay, front but not too front, heck, just be sure you can see what's written in the board okay, It's tiring to handle those eyes!!!!"

Holy crap did someone read my mind? Ahh wish I saw this sooner gonna have to watch later Thank you for doing this in advance

This is the most helpful healthy gamer video so far! Especially liked the Sanskrit stuff. Thanks!

You can't control what you feel, but you can control what you do.