Ocd makes you feel like you NEED to think about your problem or else it wont get solved but that only makes it worse. Theres even times where u feel you 've got the answer, but its never good enough. Its like you love being in a continuous state of worrying while hating it. So weird how ocd works

This 100% describes me. I finally got to the point where I realized if I were truly gay, then I would have Obsessions about being straight rather than being gay. I realized it was all stemming from my OCD. That thought alone is what kept me alive for months.

I see people saying they had ocd for years but i only had it for a month and can't take it. You guys are strong to last that long. Hopefully i can stay strong too :)

Ive rewatched this like 20 times because everytime i panic over my thoughts or see posts about people saying hocd isnt a real thing i go watch this and remind myself that it does get better

God Bless this lady.

Listen lads, actions speak louder than words. Thinking about murdering someone doesn’t make you a murderer. Thinking a gay thought doesn’t make you gay. I suffer from HOCD and I’m straight and I get it that it’s so annoying to have to keep reassuring yourself.

HOCD is definitely NOT homophobic. It often times works the opposite way. I'm a gay male who has dealt with the opposite obsession, fear of turning straight. I'm not heterophobic haha I just don't want women. It can be really scary when something feels right and makes you happy but OCD messes with it....very scary. Thank you for everything you do!! Please keep doing what you do!! Your videos have helped me so much and I have been seeking help in no small part to the encouragement you give on this channel. P.S. I try to turn to humor to deal with my OCD too

I'm a female. My whole life I have been into guys. My mind tells me because I think a girl is pretty I must be gay. I know I'm not. I can only see myself marring a guy. Sometimes I think I have a crush on a girl but I don't want to date them. I know I'm straight and I will always will be.

I am 15 years old girl. I have HOCD. It all started 5 days ago, I asked myself what if I’m lesbian. I started to avoid hanging out with my friends, I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. I have suicidal thoughts because I don’t wanna be lesbian, I have never liked a girl, I like boys.. when I was 6 I liked boys, when I was 10 I liked boys, a day before I asked myself what if I’m lesbian I liked a boy ( & my heart is pounding when I see his picture, him or when I hear his name )... I’ve always looked boys but 5 days ago, I’m so scared that I might be lesbian... These thoughts are killing me.. I can’t even imagine myself in a relationship with a girl. I feel so uncomfortable when someone says gay, or when I see a picture of a female. I had these thoughts before but then I’m just like: nah, I like boys and that’s not me, I can’t imagine myself like that and then, these thoughts stopped. But now, it’s worse and I don’t know what to do. I just wanna live normally. Help me or these thoughts will kill me

it’s so amazing to see all of these people that are going through the same thing.. it makes me feel so much better. i am a STRAIGHT female, always have been and that’s what i want to be. i don’t want to be with a girl, i can’t imagine myself with a girl! i’m just NOT attracted to girls! i’ve dealt with HOCD for 2 years and it just started up again and i feel like i’m in hell. like i already KNOW that i’m straight, that’s just who i am. if anybody needs or wants to talk, i would love that! ❤️ i’m here for you. we can do this!

Sometimes I tell myself “okay I’m bi” and I try to accept it. But then deep down I’m like “I don’t want to date men or have sex with men” so then I go back to it must be OCD. Then when I label it as OCD the doubts come in and I get extremely anxious

I’ve watched so many videos and read every article and forum I could on HOCD. I had thoughts before but they went away and because of quarantine they’re back. First I was scared I was gay, then bi, now gay again. But this time it feels so real. No matter what I read or hear anymore nothing takes away the anxiousness of not knowing. I feel as if it’s convinced me. Everything I do is affected by this, it’s like I can’t even see myself with anyone anymore even though I know I want a boyfriend. (I’m a girl) and have been boy crazy all my life. I hate this, it feels so real. And no matter how many questions I ask myself none of them help me calm down. I’ve also never been in a relationship.

My HOCD has gotten to the point where I’m having anxiety about whether or not I have it. It’s driving me crazy now.

I honestly think this video might’ve just saved my life. I’m starting to tear up. THANK YOU SO MUCH!❤️

Please keep laughing because that was one of the reasons I could watch this video without feeling anxious

I’ve been struggling with this for 6 months and it’s get so bad that I finally give it and say be gay if you want it and accept it then it goes always and comes back and everytime I fear that when I accept it it’s gonna stay. Somedays I feel so happy and straight I think I was so crazy for thinking that and I know I could never do something with a guy so lately I’ve just more focused on trying to be happy and laugh at the thoughts seem to be helping. I’ve been a overthinker my entire life my mind always thinks the worst and I feel like I need something to worry about always had anxiety and ocd but this is by far the worst

OCD is like a shadow. It’s always there, even when it’s not in the forefront of your mind. I dealt with HOCD hard core for a long time, and after a while I thought I had just “grown out of it”. Like I no longer had OCD, and it was just a thing I had and went through. Well, it’s because of OCD that I’m watching this video. Thinking about how I remember having OCD has me convinced that maybe I didn’t have it at all, and I’m “reevaluating” my symptoms. I’ve gone so far as to look into an appointment with a doctor to “check” and see if I had it/have it. Like I can’t even trust myself😒 I didn’t even believe or recognize that it was affecting my relationship with my boyfriend either. How I’ve been essentially taking him through the “ringer” to make sure he was the right one. Constantly checking by asking him a million questions just to be reassured. All do I could keep my thinking mind at ease until I came across another little hiccup in our relationship that would cause me into a spiraling obsession with figuring out if he is the one for me🙄 Sigh On another note, when trying to explain something about my OCD out loud I was once asked, “who are you trying to convince? Me, or yourself.” Now is that isn’t one of the most damning questions for someone with OCD then I don’t know what is lol!

This is the worst thing that's ever happen in my life. I just want to be with a women an be happy married and have kids. But this hocds eating at my life. My whole life is OCD. I WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO SUFFER OR KILL MYSELF, I'd rather die then be gay an not masculine.. An Honestly , wish I knew I was gay. This shit sucks and can turn you against people you love. If you have HOCD, you already had OCD your whole life.

Thank you so much for addressing the fear that it's not OCD. For me with HOCD I just can't tolerate not knowing. I'll think to myself, "well you've only had two or three crushes and you've never been in a relationship so you must actually be a lesbian and it's not OCD.". Or I just need to be certain it's OCD because, "what if I realize it wasn't OCD once I'm married because I couldn't accept myself." There's a lot of shame that comes with the whole 'is it HOCD or denial?' topic and knowing you can recover gives me hope to seek treatment and push through the fear.

I’ve been straight my whole life. All my crushes have been men real and fictional. But I’ve struggled with OCD and anxiety as while. When I got my first boyfriend I was so happy but I got ROCD and then I got HOCD. I started crying and was really upset. And now I worry that I don’t even think I have it because it goes around in a circle from ROCD to HOCD.

Guys your thoughts are not you .Just understand this fact. Keep believing in this Stop reassurance

thank you so much for this!(: You honestly saved me from it getting worse than it is... I keep almost slipping back into the thoughts of "but you felt this way so it must mean you are. Test it to make sure you're not." and things like that. I've only ever had a crush for guys and now all the sudden I've been feeling that I just changed and it's extremely stressful. I have a boyfriend and have always been super super into everything with him and never doubted my sexuality but OCD and really mess with you. But hearing all this from you and hearing how to help with it helps me get through the day. What I've boiled it down to for me is that after "testing" if I'm truly gay for months and I still have no clue at all, then I'm not. I go with my gut too, whenever I have my intrusive thoughts I get nauseous or feel really weird. Something just doesn't feel right. So I gotta trust my body that I wouldn't be feeling this if I was truly into it or it was really me. But your videos give me the strength to just let the thoughts go and know that it was just a thought and nothing else(:

I hate when some say us with hocd are in denial and in the closet. People just dont turn gay in a day. Straight people with hocd have likely been straight their entire life and one gay moment seems to question our entire selves. Like it was worst for me months ago, I didnt even know who I was and I hated I was getting these thoughts and feelings. I never was homophobic I respected gay people in high school because I know they would get bullied and they had courage. And at that time I didnt have hocd or not even one gay thought till in quarantine and I was out of high school.

Every time i have a gay tought i cry i cant do this no more im starting to have gay dreams but dont turn me on makes me more stressed I need help

Every time I meet a new person, my mind goes into overdrive; thinking about fictional scenarios and all the different things from my past. It first happened to me about seven years ago. I was sitting on a park bench and this fog just came over my mind. It was like I wasn't in control of my own mind anymore, and it was just exhausting. But the thing is, even though I know a thought is just a thought, my mind still goes into overdrive, until it's as if there are two sides of my brain fighting against one another. I've never been diagnosed with O.C.D. but I'm starting to think that I might have it.

It's not even the need to think about those thoughts. It's that once that one single thought dashes through your mind. It triggers your brain to fixate on it and that's the scary part.

I'm going through HOCD too, and right now it is trying to get me to think, feel, and believe I'm in denial. And it put thoughts in my head and feelings too of Homosexuality, it feels so real that I think that it's me and when I tell myself I have never liked men before, it feels like I'm lying, but I know I'm not, it's starting to get me to believe these feelings, and thoughts, but I know, that it's not. Has anyone else been through this while suffering through this kind of OCD. But, I will be getting therapy soon, and please help.

You’re an angel man. My HOCD brings me back to being actually regularly confused about my feelings for girls when I was younger. I had liked boys and only boys before that to my knowledge and even after these experiences and experimentation moments, I still liked men! And I deal with ROCD hahaha so very very ego dystonic. My biggest thing was fearing I was in denial and I’m practicing ERP on my own sadly until I can get professional help. I’m making sure to start off very small and with things I can handle. And even when I’m not doing my exposures I’m letting myself be anxious and letting these thoughts come in without analyzing them. But yeah my experience with fearing I was in denial when i was younger was when I was confused and I had told a friend “I can be attracted to women and not want to date them” which is true! Sexuality is very fluid, I remember what I meant by that and not be romantically attracted, but when my ocd came up I constantly ruminated on this and I feared it meant I was gay in denial. Although catching feelings for guys and falling in love with one as the years went on, I still feared I was in denial bc I thought I suppressed it or repressed it despite never really having feelings for this girl or girls in general. It’s a very weird disease and so even though I’m doing good, I can catch myself ruminating on this one thing just like in the beginning.

HOCD is honestly the worst thing I have ever gone through in my whole life . I only told my parents about my thoughts like 1 week ago and since then I have been abit better but still it’s bad . I can’t get the thoughts out my head even if I try . I tell my self these thoughts mean nothing but I just get panicky and almost give up on my self 😣 but I know I’m going to get help and be better 💜 I am 💋

I started ERP at home and everything got better. I felt my identity coming back and my confidence coming back. I felt like myself again I loved it. I’m currently back in the thoughts the fine lady speaks about and I’ve been in a bad way to be honest. I now realise that I must keep up the ERP even when things are good. I wish everyone every blessing with getting over this torturous thing we call O.C.D 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

I’ve had HOCD for 45 years. I thought I was going crazy at first and even tried a sexual experience to see if that would “solve” the fear. But that didn’t work. It comes and goes depending on my level of anxiety/fear. But when I finally realized what was going on (OCD) I could go back to my early childhood to remember obsessive compulsive behavior and thinking before I even knew what sex was. Lately it has been POCD as that fear has taken precedence over HOCD. I am well aware that this is an emotional disorder now but it still feels real when it is happening. I too deflect with humor and other behaviors to take my mind off of the obsessions. I also use ERP therapy as well as acceptance therapy. Still, it NEVER really goes away. I accept that now but I still don’t like this crap. And yes, I have tried using reason and logic, especially years ago, when I thought I could disprove it or reason with it. Well …. that didn’t work, and never will. I used to think I was a sex addict, but I think now that it’s primarily fear based sexually oriented OCD.

The part where you say "This is not what I desire" is what I can really relate to. I am currently experiencing HOCD and practicing ERP and have managed my anxiety quite a bit. Still recovering. Thanks a lot :)

(Sorry for my english) Hi, i can't stop thinking of this, one day I just looked in the mirrow, and thought you didn't dressed very femenine today... and boom that was enough to instantly have an anxiety crisis about being lesbian. It just got me very upset. At the time this happened I was going through a drepressesion about something else and was also obssesing about other thing. The question here is if I'm in denial or not. This got me thinking about my whole life trying to look into the signs wether i was a lesbian or not. And I convinced myself I was because there were clearly signs. Though I've always been in relationships with man, and very much liked man trough my whole life. I'm not a homophobic, my brother and several friends are gay, so I'm also been okay with it. Way to ok. I've always thought people should love who they want to love. That's why I've never had a problem admiting girls where atractive or that I felt atracted to a womans beauty, but apart from that I never felt the urge to sleep with a woman or have a relationship with one or kiss one or even fantasising with one. But I was always ok with this. I sometimes thought maybe this makes me bi (because yes I did question myself in the past - also this makes me nervous wether is a sign or not) But at the end I always looked for man. The thing I don't understand is why does it bothers me so much now is it OCD or is it just denial. I just want to know if people with this kind of OCD go back into their lives to look for proof an convince themselves with any detail of your childhood or adolescence you can find. Because even thought I think I'm not gay what if right? I don't know, I feel very awful . Help please.

I've got a gay friend who also struggles with OCD and he's afraid of actually liking fat old women... the worst thing in his imagination. But that's the thing with all types of S-OCD - it tells you the thing you like is actually not what you like, but the thing you find most disgusting is your true orientation

The funniest things I've thought about my problems before I knew I had HOCD was that I was cursed by someone who doesn't like me being always attracted to women and admiring things about them, therefore thinking that person cursed me to think about gay thoughts. And also, I had an idea to go to a fortune teller and tell me that in the future, I'm perfectly straight and have a family of my own. I still have hocd spikes sometimes, but most of the time I just smirk or laugh to these thoughts. Good thing I'm not alone 😅

It might be denial and might not,trying to control that ucertainty and having to answer those question is a compulsion,so don't answer it!keep fighting guys

What about past thoughts? My hocd targets these because they’re vague enough that I don’t know if it was just a normal phase or if it was my true sexuality?

i feel that if i dont worry about it than something will happen. i have so many different reactions, i either panic and have anxiety, get really mad, laugh about it, cry, or have no reaction.

I’ve been in HOCD-ROCD hell for 9 weeks now. Every waking moment has been taken up by panic attacks or compulsions. I got accepted for partial hospitalization. Does that convince me? NO! The denial fear is now fixating on the possibility of “wasting money.”

I’m 15 and I don’t know what to do. My hocd has killed me. All I want is a girl and not boys. My mind is now telling me everytime I’m with my family to come out. It’s just keep saying Come Out! Come out!. It says like, (you will feel better when you do) which scares me a lot. I have had every symptom of hocd for a year and I for sure have it but this is new and it’s trying find another way to convince me that I’m gay. I don’t know what to do at this point.

You can only be what you choose to be, feelings and thoughts, you choose what to make out of them. If people were to follow every instinct without any values they would be worse than animals. Not everything happening inside is true, it's what you choose to believe in and what you choose to do that matter.

I had this for 22 years and never got treated until this year... GOD thank you for this information! I feel human again :)

I'm so proud of you Chrissie that you could defeat this ocd monster and you are doing that everyday. I don't know if I can ever do that but I'm really happy for you.

Hi Chrissy- I started rapidly on high dose anti depressant since last messages- this debilitating condition is positively rooted in severe anxiety dysfunction. It’s only though such high doses - that I can see what’s been occurring- pure O is a nightmare- a absolute terrible horrific life destroying nightmare. Although, I am still suffering, there is some degree of reprieve from being suicidal. I’m still dealing with the realisation of how this condition has been the root of so many problems throughout my life - of course I am also severely depressed at this time - but somehow I’m still here. I want to thank you for articulating Pure O clearly-

my hocd and rocd is getting so bad that I cant kiss my boyfriend like I did before and it made me cry the other day because I miss not having all this anxieties and just being able to ignore it and enjoy him not its hard anxiety gets in the way and he's so understanding but its awful. I miss him. I still see him every day but Im not the same. Im getting therapist but I'm scared they wont know what it is and will just make me feel worse. I didemt even know this was a thing until recently but I knew it was anxiety already because I have a history with it, and I am glad I found what this is it really helped.

I’m glad I found this out. Before I made a decision that would effect me forever cause it sounds just like me I know in my heart I’m straight

Oh God, Chrissie...you've saved me thanks to all the information about OCD in your channel. Thank you very much for being such a great supporter and for raising awareness of this topic, your job here is priceless, I assure you. You have really helped me understand how HOCD and OCD in general works. Now I am finally able to believe in the real me again and to love myself. Thank you so very much, I'm telling you from the heart :)

I always get an hocd trigger whenever I see a girl I’ll think she’s pretty but then I start getting visuals kissing the girl or even sleeping with her and then I get the groinal and I’ll start panicking because I know myself I’m into men and I’ve been straight my whole life

I am a eighteen year old boy. I have always considered myself straight and still do. I've always only wanted women. But ever since a few months ago,my mind has suddenly told me I'm gay. It's weird because I know I'm not but my mind is messing with me . I can't even imagine myself with a man but I'm going crazy😥

when i took a test it said I have high results of having hocd but I need more people to confirm : whenever I look at videos with a boy and a girl sometimes I stare into the girl more than i stare into the guy and I get thoughts about me being gay, what if I am attracted to her etc. Even before I knew what hocd was I thought I was gay and one time I watched lesbian porn to teest myself.. I was so weird I thought even if I think girls are pretty that I am gay.. But when I realised that it might be hocd I was so relieved I didnt have any thoughts for at least 4 weeks.. And then I was walking home with my bff alone and I felt akward, we were so silent I had this fear in my head like in the movies when a guy and a girl have their moment and kiss, I thoguht she was going to kiss me idk why but it just got me, and after that I was feeling sad again so I had questions about my sexuality again, and a lot of thoughts,, now I am fine again I realised I am straight, but I am afraid that I will have thoughts again , whenever people say forget about it those are just imaginations in your mind I think in my head what If those are actually not thoughts what if I am actually lesbian.... please tell me honestly if this is hocd or actually gay

Im going to more than likely say something that may spike someone’s anxiety, but I’m going to say it anyway to get better from HOCD, you have to accept the fact that you “might” be gay. And not to give reassurance, but if you have to literally force yourself to accept that you “might” be gay, because you are so repelled from the idea of it, then imma just say it, you more than likely aren’t gay

ugh 14:00 and onward was so great, very insightful and relatable!! makes me feel better knowing that the thing I struggle with are not so unique and I'm not completely alone, thank u!! I was wondering if you have ever made a video about pure ocd and analyzing past actions? I have seen most of your videos about OCD but I can't recall if you've touched on this subject lady! (to be more specific, I mean looking for "evidence in your past that supports your ocd, for example, me and my female best friend held hands once=that MUST mean I like girls, or I read a book with teenage characters in romantic situations once=that MUST mean I am a predator along that line of irrational thinking and worrying about past actions!) that is something that I really struggle with with ROCD and POCD and it really sux:( but this channel is one of my favorites and whenever I have a tough time I watch your vids to remind myself that it can get better!!

I read about people who have been dealing with hocd for many years while me who have been dealing with it for 3 months can barely continue

19 years and still recovering. That doesn't instill alot of hope. I've been dealing with this shit for at least 30years and sometimes it goes away but sooner or later it always comes back. I didn't even know what this even was until a week ago. I can't afford a therapist and have almost no relief unless I get really drunk. I would like to quit drinking but if I do I'm gonna keep going through it. I feel helpless.

Can hocd lie about your past??like its telling me that i wasnt really in love with girls BUT I WAS wtf...

Ive had HOCD for over 1 month ,and it has been killing me. I have a beautiful girlfriend currently but this is making feel like i am not attracted to her . If im distracted with friends and my girlfriend its fine and i do not get these thoughts. Sometimes when im with a male friend I get these intrusive thoughts thinking that i might just lash on to them and start trying to do sexual activities with them which makes me extremely anxious. But currently it feels like it is going away, But this sadly makes me feel like i am becoming a homosexual which makes me extremely anxious. I am not against gay people in fact i respect them a lot and believe that everyone should be happy. I have told myself that it is fine if i want too be gay, but i just dont want to be gay. I have developed an array of comupulsions ranging from hitting myself to pinching my self to checking if i am attracted to individuals of the same sex. I really hope that this goes away soon.

Its gotten so bad to the point where I cant be with male family members. Please help me. I need advice.

This describes me 100% and I'm so glad I found this video because this has been eating me up inside. HOCD has made me feel like I was born boy and my parents turned me into a girl and they were like sneaking hormone pills into my food my entire life.(and I feel like a girl and I'm happy being a girl) it has had me thinking I'm lesbian even though I've never and will never be interested in other girls all of my crushes and celeb crushes have been guys but I still have these thoughtss and I hate because it's almost like arguing with your intrusive thoughts because.and although I still have these thoughts this video has made realize that if I were gay I would be feeling the way I am now except about being straight.

Thank you so much ma'am I just started my struggle with hocd 2 weeks ago and it tears me up right now it's trying to tell me that I don't have it I'm in denial but I know I am not in denial I never liked men I will never like men like that I will always like women I declare that a name of Jesus it's so stupid and painful and I will be finding help starting next week just please keep this up because this helps me out a lot too and may God continue to bless you!.

Sometimes I want to know or I want to hear somebody tell me that I do have OCD 100% because maybe then I can get some treatment, but if I don't have OCD then all my doubts are reality. If I don't have OCD, I am bisexual.

Anyone gets this your mind says "I'm gay" but your not and then you have to say in your mind "I am straight and have always been, I am not gay". This kind of repeats in my head

I'm suffering from this right now. It started right around early September this year. I'm a male, always had attractions towards women, had crushes on women in high-school (granted i had some same sex experiences with a guy in high-school, but i was a teenager at the time and i never thought of him romantically, so I've always told myself that i might be slightly bi). Always imagined that I'd be with a woman. Some days it's easier than others, other days it feels like I'm falling into dark pit. It just tells me "i want to be gay, i want it, what if this, what if that" despite the fact that I've had no desire for relationships with men for as long as i can remember. I read a fantastic post on a self help forum that went, "If i was truly gay, but had buried it so deep into my subconscious that i had entered into a straight relationship and convinced myself that i liked the opposite sex, the ocd would bring to life the fear of being straight" so that is an indicator to me that i can't be gay, i harbour no ill will towards people of the lgbt community and never will, love is love and that's something i will always stand by. Ocd is a monster, it takes your worst fears and brings them to life in the most horrific ways imaginable. But they always reflect the exact opposite of what you want, a serial killer wouldn't think "what if i suddenly start killing people" they'd just do it. Just like a pedophile wouldn't have fears about commiting sexual acts with minors, its always the opposite, its hars to deal with as it feels so real to the point that you convince yourself that you actually enjoy the thoughts.... that's where the doubt and denial phase really takes hold and stays, only for that to make the anxiety increase tenfold. It's a parasitic, evil engine of torture. Ruminations and compulsions only strengthen it, my therapist told me to just embrace them, no matter how distressing or sinister they may be. It's like a school bully, they want your attention and will do all in their power to get a reaction, eventually you ignore them and they give up because your no longer feeding the cycle. Always asking myself for constant reassurance and looking at articles, posts, quizzes. Going through my last to my early childhood and observing memories, i fucking despise this illness.

i really just want to push all my thoughts to the side and clear the space. I deep down KNOW I'm STRAIGHT but I can't stop thinking and making up scenarios and looking for reassurance and my brain turning into itself and trying to prove I'm not who I think I am. and the sad thing is I'm only 13 :(

21:14 „never forget that you are alone“ well thanks 😂

Thank you chrissie Hodges for everything.

Just finished ur book today chrissie! !!! Absolutely fantastic

I've commented before. But I've gotten some other thoughts already. I hate them, so, so much. ANYWAY(Story) A few months ago,(May24th to be EXACT) I started having horrible, scary thoughts about wanting to harm people. This happened in the middle of the night. Scared me so much. I started having urges to hurt people(Ever since I was little I've had some, but never did hurt anyone. I'd feel guilty) Okay, SO. After a few months of that(it calmed down a bit once I got used to it. sometimes that comes back.) I started having HOCD(Questioning if I was lesbian, which ik for a fact I'm not. I've always had crushes on boys and currently have a crush on one right now. But the thought wouldn't go away. I'm not the straightest person but still prefer guys over girls anytime. But it still bothered me. I've come to terms that I am probably bi-curious(i'm fine with that, but liking girls completely worries me, yk?) here comes MORE THOUGHTS. I started questioning if I was transgender after suffering from that a few months. It was scary. I felt sick, but sometimes I felt numb to the feeling. I wasn't sure if I was trans or not which is weird because I've always felt female, and loved being female(still do). NOW(getting a little emotional, i'm sorry..) less than an hour ago I was having the TOCD thoughts again.. They were calm though, so I could ignore them a little bit. ALL OF A SUDDEN I started questioning if I was actually a girl. I Was wondering if I was actually born female WHICH IS SO RIDICULOUS, I have all parts of a girl, and have NEVER questioned like that before until now. It's horrible. I hate it. I can't stop thinking about it and I hope it calms down. I really, REALLY, just wana think normal again. I'm numb to it. I know for a fact i'm female because I've always been? I'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense. I just feel so tired of it all. I want to feel female, I want to BE female. It's so weird that(hopefully ocd and not what I am) can have no limits. it's like all of a sudden i'm questioning if I was born a girl? it doesn't make any sense at all to me. I really hope someone can help me with this, anyone please? it sucks. I just want to feel normal.

PLEASE READ I NEED HELP! ADVICES HOCD OR DENIAL? I know myself that I am straight man my entire life. I dont even imagine or feel any attraction to male in my entire life. It all started when some group of people surrounding me thinks/suspects that I am a "gay person" without them really saying it directly(I'm good at observing people that's why i know) from that time, i just ignored it, but over time it develops slowly the until it keeps on looping in my mind and it is hell, the more that I answer the question looping in my mind ("am i gay?" "i am straight but why am i feeling intimidated now looking at them?" "am i denying this?" which I know im not) I'm constantly removing myself from the triggers like seeing posts of news articles of those who "come out" or even seeing my male friends my mind dictating "butterflies" and it is getting on my nerves i even forget that I am hungry, thirsty, and sometimes I self harm myself to reassure myslef that I am straight . when I see every male on social media, and this stupid mind keeps saying that "I'm "attracted" to every male! and when I that happens I can't stand it and I'm having both nausea, feeling dizzy and Im feeling scared, freaked out just with the idea that i might be not straight but I know in myself that i am straight, I'm also searching for hours to reassure that I'm Straight, taken multiple tests, and all of them are on the hetero, straight. I know myslef I'm straight and first of all I didn't even have a past of questioning my sexuality because first I'm a straight guy and i know that myself. It's creeping the hell out of me just hearing or my mind just portraying "homo images". This is creeping me out for like 2- 3 months. I don't even have an interest, or even have a history of having interest in my own sex in my whole entire life. I don't even have a will, interest, or even a little percent of that because it's not my thing. I became also too much observant of my own actions thinking that i might be portraying myself "gay" I am scared and it is scaring the shit out of me because my mind is constantly and repeatedly saying that I am "gay" and it is also portraying images of homo kissing which I feel scared and fucking irritated because everytime i close my eyes or just listening to music all of it portrays "images" that i dont like..., and I'm really scared of this taking my identity (i am an alpha straight guy in my entire life.) away from me , and telling the bullshit that I am not straight. I have a high sex drive to women only. I have dreams of building my own normal family someday with my gf. I am completely goal oriented and I am completely sure of my sexuality which is straight. never been aroused to same sex because it is disgusting and against my will that these images keep popping because of my HOCD mind. I have a happy relationship with my girlfriend before this bullshit thoughts came. Now it is slowly destroying me and our relationship. I want to get the fuck out of this loop. it's killing me, i forget my hunger, thirst, and even my daily function because of this shit. I am obsessively overanalyzing everything that everything is falling on the same finish line which is "i might be gay/bi" which is not and i am avoiding it. I am only aroused and having fantasies about women only. In fact I am a straight guy with high libido and only watched girls to exclusively women only and whenever i see accidentally people on socmed of my same sex I immediately ignore and remove those from my feed whether a same sex relationship post or a news of any homo ... I'm not judging them, it's just not my thing and interest ever. I want my happy, cool, alpha and STRAIGHT self back. I need your advices. I know myself that i am exclusively hetero straight. not a bi, homo and I just want to get the hell out of this loop. and get back on track to my straight life without feeling any attraction to every male i see which are not me but dictated by my brain. I want my libido, and my real straight self back which my HOCD is currently taking away from me and tricking methat I'm attracted to same sex and it is shit. PS. rn i am calm because im trying to ignore the thought and but my mind is telling me that accepting the thought is "gay" I'm trying to restrain myself from engaging again to that thought to avoid the cycle going wild again I am calm now and just letting the thoughts go but it is inevitbale for me to experience nausea amd low appetite with just letting the thought.

Yesterday I saw a lot of your videos and it made me really good. I've been diagnosed with OCD 4 of months ago, after having obsessions for 5 years (ROCD and then HOCD related) I'm from Argentina, so these themes are not quite common, and it's difficult to be diagnosed with the terms "ROCD" or "HOCD". So in therapy, we actually don’t mention anymore the terms related with OCD, because it doesn’t help. I already know I have OCD: let’s move on and let's focus on my inner work. Today I saw one of your videos about the groinal sensation, and it kinda spiked me. I was like: but… she didn’t actually got aroused by lesbian porn for example, or by suggestive images of women naked or with suggestive clothes (blah blah blah, to name a few, I can’t even say no more!) “So, if she didn’t actually got aroused by that, then she does have HOCD, but I don’t. That means I’m on denial. That means that I don’t want to accept myself” and then I started ruminating again… About this topic that I already discussed with myself, on therapy, and doing my research on the internet about people that have gone through this and people that knows about these particular themes. I was doing great… I was actually letting these ideas or thoughts stay on my head, I was letting that uncomfortable feeling of “I’m gay” to bother me, to be there all the time. I was letting the constant idea to be (as you mentioned in one of your videos) like on the back of my head… That is not popping up, but you know that is there, you can feel is there, like breathing your neck. So annoying, waiting for the perfect time to jump up and keep you stuck again. I was doing my best, by exposing myself, and doing these excercises and I actually had a pretty good week, and an even better weekend

Hey is sexuality gonna change ? I feel awful, i am in verge of tearing, i i saw a post in quora where a lady was straight until 43 years and became a lesbian . I just don't wanna be gay. I feel happy if i imagine a future with husband and kids of my own ! But i feel something like it just said something like what if you find out yourself after you are married . What if you change . because change never changes right , i feel terrified if i hear words like spectrum , change accept yourself ,real you, true go yourself etc.. it makes me feel anxious. I never questioned anything until now .i have always adored guys . Im 15 now so it makes feel terrified because most of them realise it at this age ! Please tell me what is it is hocd ?

You hit on everything about this, you are defo not a fraud your very clever and know exactly know what HOCD is, when am over mine i wanna help people whos going though the same thing, Somtimes what i do is, when i starting going into the HOCD again i say to myself ohh there is the reminder that am straight

I think mine is straight OCD just cause I keep thinking I'm faking it and that what I'm feeling isn't real and I just want to like girls and its all just made up. But I'm 19 and the fact that I'm just figuring it out is kind of insane to me. I see people online say college is when they found out and that's the same for me. But this is almost solely on the realization that if i wanted to I could date girls and I started basically dancing on my train I was so excited when I realized; and then I realized the feelings I got with girls I've never had before and the AMOUNT of women that I've been attracted to compared with guys was raised to the power of 100. Buuut, I like watching a lot of shows that are run by men and I don't/can't find any women online or tv around who I genuinely relate to or find entertaining. So am I a masculine female or attracted to men too or is it cause I don't really like women fullstop? I've even questioned if I was transgender because I would just prefer to be a guy going after girls rather than being a girl going after girls. This is exhausting.

does anyone else’s body get like uncomfortable when they have thoughts ... like tension like when your shoulder hurts from wear a backpack

I ve had HOCD before and bi ocd and now it’s back and worse than ever although I don’t get disgusted anymore I fear of being denial Now what makes it worse is btw I am a girl. I fear of being bi even though I never felt anything for a woman. I get thoughts and compulsions it’s all I think about 24 hours even the back of my head. So. What I am wondering is I can picture myself with a woman but I would never want to and I keep rechecking this until I can’t imagine it anymore. And it scared me Now I am not scared anymore. And it freakes me out I feel like I could be happy and like it. But it feels wierd Like I don’t find woman attractive I feel nothing. And I fear it’s not ocd is that HOCD is this possible I know I am straight I am a very open person but does this make me bj ? It kills me inside I hate it I need help. Every time. I see a girl I imagine being with them. And it kills me

Is it possible to have repetive thoughts of girls like my friends, I’ve been straight my whole life but I struggle with hocd and pocd and I always get unwanted thoughts of just girls from my school or my friends and I replace the thought with a boy I’m attracted to is this considered hocd or am I just in denial?? Can someone help thank youu

For myself, I am a lesbian and struggle with the fear of being straight. I don’t think it’s heterophobia at all but at times I wonder if it’s internal homophobia. It only started when religious people and my family shunned me for being gay. Before then, I was okay and had no SOOCD

Lol my head tells me that i am still in denial but i have all of the simtomes that you explained for hocd

Hey, I'm a sufferer of HOCD, and I could really use some help. I've been dealing with it for close to two months now, and it has really messed up my head. I've done everything I can think of, and nothing is helping in the long term. I know that I'm straight. Growing up I always knew I liked girls, always knew that I wanted girls and only ever had feelings for girls. But now my HOCD is constantly at work, trying to convince me its guys that I really like, even though I still get aroused when I'm with my girlfriend. Every time I watch a TV show with any male characters, I start to panic because I'm afraid I'll find myself drawn to them or attracted to them, even though the idea of kissing a man or being intimate with one repulses me. I hardly even get relief from looking at pictures of girls or being with my girlfriend and enjoying it, because I've developed such a serious tolerance to any reassurance. I just want this to go away so I can get back to my everyday life, but my HOCD keeps telling me my life is a lie, that I'm truly gay and that I need to come out, and that I'm just in denial. Understand that I have nothing against gay people, or lesbians or Bisexual people, and that I respect all their life choices and decisions and who they are. But this inst something I want or desire for me. And every time I try to relax, or not let the panic control me, it only gets worse, because it feels like if I'm not constantly fighting this then it'll become true even though I know deep down it isn't, nor do I want it to be. Please, I really need help because this is tearing my world apart.

whys there a pic of banana

My brain doesnt say " what if" it says " you are". Even while I have feelings for guys and have never had not forced sexual fantasies about women, it doesnt matter.

Thank you, this helped me a lot

Well if hocd was just thoughts it wouldve been way easy to deal but the main problem are the URGES mannn wtfff whenevet im sitting next to my friends who are my brothers and my cousins or my uncle or even MY GRANDPA i get sexual urges likeee wtfff dudeee this is bullshit how do i deal with them they cause so much anxitey

You just saved my life thankyou so much

So I have what I think is HOCD for about 8 years now. It started around when I was 12 years old. I remember ALWAYS having crushes on boy and dating them but always having this thought in the back of my mind. My question is, with HOCD is it normal that when I am having sex with by boyfriend to keep thinking "what if this should be a girl instead" or "this would probably be better with a girl" I lose my sex drive often cause of this!

Probably you won't read this comment 'cause your video is dated 2017. Anyway, your smile and your attitude made me feel better. You're so inspiring and... well, i don't have HOCD, i'm gay and i have TOCD (fear of turning Transgender) but it's like HOCD.... thank you so much!

My thoughts not seem intrusive anymore, they now feel completely intentional, it's like i actually want to have them? How can i tell if it's intrusive?

Everytime I try to reassure myself I am not gay, my brain automatically thinks “hey, why you trying to reassure yourself? Are you in denial?” And then I think I like women but then I don’t know cause I don’t wanna be someone I’m not because I’m either in denial or confusion ahhhh

The funniest thing is that if i nv thought about these things, then i know i would nv want to do this, or be attracted to women. therefore this 1 piece of evidence shows me that i am not. although i am not 100% certain. it is very tough. i honestly feel like i am revolted by men. i dont want to be. like even if i was attracted to women i just want to be like oh yeah shes hot and then forget about her. i no longer want to be gay. if i was gay at some point. i dont know. but plzzzz can it just go away. plz dont tell me yo just be gay. like i want to be straight. i want it deep down . i just want to be straight. plz help me. i just want them to stoP. I DONT WANT TO BE GAY. i fear that im only like this bc i am christian. plzzz i wish i could just take a pill and stop all this rn. like if i could i wpuld want to be attracted to women anymore. i just dont want to. THIS IS WHY - wow that women is attracted. omg i want to have sex with her. wait i what. omg i am gay now. omg how do i make it stop. i dont have female friends. i fear that i want to give oral to other women. wait do i. i feel like i do. omg i do omg i dont want to tho plz make it stop. i just dont want to do this plz can i just not have this temptation anymore. i dont want to tho. i find it disgusting but i feel like i dont. PLZ CAN I JUST SWITCH MY BRAIN WITH SM1.

Okay i wanted to ask can hocd bring images in your head and you question yourself and try to imagine if you feel anything or not and can ut sone time trick that may be you are attracted and anxiety starts? can anybody help

do people get butterflies in their stomach and find it hard to breathe when they have this even if they admit they are not lgbt or identified as it and do they lose interests in the stuff they love to do e.g. watching movies and do they find it hard to be aroused by what aroused them before and even if they do feel a little aroused it doesn't feel the same?

Yesterday I went and sat next to my sister and it was scary but I ended up feeling nothing and I was so relieved but then 20 minutes later I questioned how long I stayed there why I looked at her it’s so stressful

Can someone help? Everything started for me about eight months ago. It was the day after my 13th birthday and a girl gave me a birthday card. I told my best friend and she was like; “oh I bet she’s gay.” Ever since then I’ve had intrusive thoughts. They started getting worse, and stronger recently. I cry almost everyday. It usually is just back and forth between “I like boys” or “I don’t like girls.” Some mornings I even wake up thinking I don’t like girls. Then it got to the point where I’d think about kissing my friends. I don’t want to kiss I girl! I’ve played spin the bottle with girls and I did not like it! I don’t like kissing girls! I have no attraction to them at all.. I’m just so lost. I personally had a conversation with a lesbian and it just didn’t seem like me. One of my first thoughts was, so I can’t check out boys anymore? Whenever I have these thoughts they feel so forced. I have no want or desire to like girls. I am so so worried it’s going to be true. I have this feeling and I wonder if I’m going to be homosexual and like all of them in my life. I’m terrified of it! I’ve always been straight, and now I’m seeking constant reassurance that only stays for a short period of time. I have constant panic attacks and worry as well. Can someone give me their opinion? I have so much doubt and worry I’m in denial that I just can’t tell anymore. Am I HOCD?

Everything you said was brilliant and I feel like im ready to reprogramm my mind

I don’t get it. When I’m not suffering from ocd then I don’t have to think twice about liking girls cause I know I like girls but when ocd starts it hurts and it just constantly worrying. Is that Ocd?

I have a question, is it possible to have days were your more fine then others? Like some days your okay and not as anxious but another day your really anxious? Or are you always super anxious and never not

I’ve been straight my whole life and now my Brian is saying I’m a gay person with hocd but in reality I’m a straight person with hocd

Hey Chrissie!, this is extremely long and im sorry if my story is disturbing because this may be a little bit too much information but you are a champ if you manage to read all this as i just started to watch your videos and they are great. I am 18 years old and was very confident in my sexuality until my brain one day questioned it. I have not been diagnosed with OCD but I am diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and take meds for it because I am a chronic worrier and overthinker and have always worried about all sorts of things (Like if i passed all my classes at school at the end of the semester when i know i did because i had anywhere from between an 80-90 range but i needed to know for sure on my report card. Or if i will always choke on my food). Anyway, heres my story so originally I never had these gay thoughts or started to question or doubt my sexuality in my head before until summer started because school was done and my brain went on idle and had nothing else important to think about and then randomly out of the blue watching funny videos on youtube and the "are you gay?" question just popped in my head. I orginally brushed it off like nah you know thats not true because i always fancied and was excited to have a hot sexy future wife to have sex with and to love with all my heart (even though i never kissed or had a gf before i still had crushes on them and wanted to date them but had socially shy anxiety with them everytime i tried to talk to them i became nervous). and never looked at a guy in a sexual way before until this started because that was weird and wrong for me. but then it came back and it gave me real anxiety. I would become extremely scared and worried and would do compulsions like watch straight porngraphy (i have watched straight pornagraphy since i was 12 or 13) and looking at pictures of women to be sure i was straight and i got aroused and thought it was enough. Even without porn just thinking about and seeing a cute and pretty girl with nice a nice butt and boobs got me aroused and excited. But now that my brain was souley focused on the getting arousal part now, that started to go against me too with just focusing on my groin with the gay thoughts would now give me arousal either blood rushing to my penis or semi or fully erection and this made me very uncomfortable since i NEVER got aroused when i thought of a guy before and since then these thoughts have been in my head and is basically what i think about from the time i wake up to the time i go to bed and life since these thoughts occured has been tons of emotions. From sadness, anger, confusion, to frustration, you name it. But at somepoint during the summer these thoughts i think became boring for my brain to think about all the time and the anxiety quit and i was calm but the thoughts and sensations didnt. Which made me wonder and worry. and I still do if i was in denial or not because i was so calm and let these thoughts be there and HOPEFULLY flow but they didnt flow they stuck like glue. And worst of all i cant really look at a woman the same anymore. it is upsetting because i know thats what i want in my heart but my body and mind is like "no you dont" and i worry if i start a relationship with girl that i wont be able to love her because i start doubting our love and our relationship or look at her properly because this has completely flipped my view on woman upside down and wont be able to have happy life and sex life together and get aroused by her because all i can think about is guys now and i would wouldnt want to do that to a poor girl and make her heartbroken and upset. I almost feel like i have to cave in but i know if i do it wont make me feel any better because for one i dont feel pressure or guilt to "come out" because i never did in the first place. And two i have no desire or intrest in dating or have a sexual relationahip with a man. even though it feels very real that i do my brain is trying to convince me. but that would be a life damaging mistake that i would deeply regret i can see that now. I am just fed up and all i can say life was WAY better before my brain decided to question this..I was comfortable and very happy. Hoping to hear some feedback. I feel almost brainwashed by this. And i know pornography can make you feel and view actual reality sex differently since it rewires the brain but pornography wasnt a problem for me before these thoughts (even though it can lower my libido in the future when i do have real sex with a woman) but the porn isnt as bad as a problem as this! I would rather have porn addiction than these thoughts and feelings any day of the week!

My Sexual Orient OCD is a bit weird. I’m Asexual Panromantic but i lean/prefer men. But recently, my brain is like “No you’re a lesbian, you pretend to like guys.”

I’ve struggled for 5 months( I know it’s not a lot compared to others) but it’s still a nightmare. I’ve had other mental things that have got to me like if I’m fat or people hate me and stuff like that. But this is the worst ocd I’ve had. Like every night I will do a day in review and talk about how I felt that day. Then the HOCD will pop up. And every night I will figure out ohh I’m not gay! But then I wake up the next day and it comes and slaps me in the face again and the cycle repeats. I told my family about this and they really didn’t help except my dad. Like one of them threatened if I don’t stop talking about this gay crap then they will lock me in my room like a crazy person. And of course that didn’t help. And HOCD bothered me every day and I didn’t even know it was a type of ocd and I thought I was the only one. But recently I’ve discovered what it is and I’m trying to overcome this obstacle in my life. And I know in 20 years that I will not even remember (HOPEFULLY!) So if anyone is going through this like me, your NOT GAY! And know that your not alone🙂

so it happened on bonfire night and there was a girl that looked like a guy and my type in guys is like skinny tall cheekbones and a sexy lopsided grin so yh this girl kinda fit my type in a way but i thought she was a dude bear in mind i was 10 meters away and it was dark so i got my flirt game on and got closer to talk to this girl i thought was a guy and as soon as i was like 2 meters away and say that she was a girl and i instantly started freaking out and then it was the worst for the next few days ever since then whenever i find a girl pretty or i think when i was younger i wanted to be hermione granger does that make me gay? i question everything ooooh that guy was hot and my head went you don’t find him hot you’re gay and in denial and i start panicking and think what the hell?!?! another thing that started happening recently was my brain was like u should come out and i was just thinking no i don’t need to come out im straight and it ended up with me crying on the floor. But when i pick up on these thoughts i start panicking but i don’t cry. Can someone please explain???