I try to avoid watching videos on OCD so that it doesn’t become a reassurance compulsion, but it’s crazy that each time I have, I always feel so heard and understood, and then so silly and frustrated for no having realized it sooner (I wonder if there’s a reason I feel this way). Even when you, briefly mentioned someone with the fear of having a brain tumor, in a throw away reference, it was something I have experienced and compulsions I have done. It’s incredible to feel seen but then so frustrating to have your brain try to come up with an explanation to explain away how I watched a video regarding my SOOCD, also casually mention some of the things I’ve experienced with my health concern OCD. I’m glad that I have started ERP therapy and have come along way in just two months and really encourage others to do the same. Thank you so much for creating these videos and this channel as well!

I started having thoughts like "what If I'm lesbian or bi and I'm just denying it?" I know all of my life that I'm straight and I just couldn't picture myself being with a woman. I opened up to my mom about this and I'm glad she understand. She said that I should try to busy my brain and do some stuff. I feel alot more better than the previous days. But whenever I'm doing nothing It just comes to my head trying to trick me and believe me that I was bi or lesbian. It's just so stressful and annoying. I'm so glad and so relieved that I had someone to relate to.

It’s excruciatingly painful to deal with OCD. And your bubbly personality is so refreshing and so comforting while you speak about a mental condition that is so complex and difficult to experience.

Thanks for talking about TOCD briefly too. There's many people whose HOCD evolved into TOCD and since theres not many professionals talking about this specific theme yet i'm sure many fear that their TOCD isnt real ocd while it clearly is too.

You are a bright lighthouse to all of us who suffer from this :'( thank you so so much.

I really find your videos so insghtful and helpful, cannot thank you enough for rising awareness. We all deserve to be happy and love ourselfs. Very best!

Chrissie your videos are relieving,keep going

You have helped me so much .. you are the only one on the planet that describes these feelings to absolute perfection... it's amazing to hear .. I'm always in recovery.. I'm still checking but it's getting better ... it will never be gone but that's ok better is fine ...Thanks so very much ... you have no idea how much you have helped me .... ACT and therapy from you got me better

I noticed my OCD is not about sexuality but basically about self-destruction.

yes!! Its super hard having hocd, i feel like I can’t really talk about this theme because i feel like people will attack me, hocd is just super overwhelming in general):

i think this is the only one that can’t affect me because if i was gay, i know i would accept myself. however, my ocd does make it INCREDIBLY hard to find out my sexuality. i have no idea what i am.

i’m crying while writing this. i done so well today with my thoughts coming in and out but as soon as i get home it hits me like a ton of bricks and i’m back to square 1. i just want this to end but i don’t think it ever will. someone please help

You have saved mine.. And perhaps many more lives suffering from this eternal abyss condition! I, from the core of my heart, will always be grateful to you. Wish I could meet you once and thank you in-person!

Hey Chrissie Can u make a video on step by step process of recovery!! I think many people would love to see that Thankyou

I just want to say thank you Christie, I have had OCD for almost 20 years. I have had religious, contamination, relationship, homosexual, and possibly more themes. OCD is tricky because when you think you have beat it then it changes themes on you, it’s horrible😭

When I got my first boyfriend I started with ROCD and I started worrying if I actually love him. I’m still with him. But I started to have hocd a month into the relationship and I felt guilty and I didn’t feel like It was me. I went in a circle of ROCD and HOCD. I’m in a HOCD mood now and it sucks because it feel like I don’t have it. I started looking into it and people said this didn’t exist and my heart sank. I thought am I in denial when I’m not attracted to women. But people like you say that like I would like it if I were in denial. I don’t. I cry, I cough, I even throw up. I even overthought my relationship again. I’m 17 and I only got a boyfriend for the first time a year ago. I MUST BE GAY. No you suffer from anxiety and are a introvert. All I know is that I feel ashamed of this feeling.

Wow. I was listening contently right up until the ending on Self Love ... Being worthy and appropriate partners .. the bit where you said sex is fun... It genuinely got to me and my situation...

Thank you this helped me a lot. I will try to not find an answer and focus on living my life.

oh god, try being pansexual and having all these thoughts. i get DEEP horrible fears of "what if im straight?" that really just shake me deep to my core. i feel so repulsed by the idea of being straight. so i didn't start developing OCD until recently, my early 20s. i HAD my sexual orientation down and was literally comfortable with it. i just like what i like, ya know??? but as ive gotten older and started realizing how i have been emotionally/verbally abused and gaslit by my family for my entire life, i think thats when OCD started to sink in me like "do you really know what you know? do you REALLY?" because ive started coming into myself as a person. also i am a "go with your gut", type of person. i have a VERY strong intuition that never fails me. but sometimes i feel so far from my gut feelings it makes me feel highly stressed not knowing the answer. i will be like, "i know im not straight. my gut is telling me. logically this is a fact." and i don't feel any shame in not being straight, like that's just not a surprise to me that im not straight. but not only do i feel fear of being straight but also basically fears of being ANYTHING BUT my actual sexual orientation. it confuses me because ive BEEN comfortable in this since 2013, but OCD has attacked it and taunted me with "but what if it's all a lie?????"

Your videos are so relatable and authentic. Suffered with this type of OCD for decades…any thoughts on Ketamine and Deep TMS? I think in addition to this treatment having a talk session with you might make good sense. Will be in touch via your website. Thanks so much.

I know I have TOCD, but i sometimes don't have any anxiety I just feel numb. After thinking about it constantly for hours or days without any reactions I just burst and start screaming and crying. I know I'm a woman but the thought that if I keep thinking about it I would realize deep down I am trans makes me just give up hope cause I don't know much about transgender but i'm also too scared to research it. I also keep questioning maybe i don't have TOCD maybe i really am trans. I had HOCD before and I couldn't stop crying for months but now I don't cry as often and I don't feel anything. I don't even know who I am. I feel this feeling of being just a spirit in a body. And I keep having these thoughts like " maybe it won't be too bad being a man" This has been going on for a month and a half and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm glad you addressed the fact that this is also triggered - and I think amplified - by the visibility of sex/gender associated topics nowadays. Not only do I think about sexual tolerance and lgbtq recognition, but more broadly, the evolution of gender roles and relationships. I personally am stuck with thoughts like : "what am I looking for in a woman, that maybe a man could bring me ?" / "is the physical/sexual aspect really that important for me ?" / "have I really been influenced my whole life to be straight, whereas I might as well have been gay ?" / and then, of course "what if I were ?" In the metoo era, I tend to perceive increasingly men and women as two radically different/opposite entities, and feel the urge to pick a side. Since I am often looking for a male figure/model in my life, I tend to strongly react to the discarding of men as a group. At the moment, all this inspires me a great feeling of disconnection/separation with the world, and myself... But I'm sure that I'm not the only one currently struggling with his/her identity or sexual orientation. PS : Also, for me the shame comes more from the lie : lying to myself and to others, by not acknowledging/accepting my real sexuality. Which you can also call imposter syndrome... Being an imposter, that's it.

I can’t believe this isn’t talked about more often. It’s so not fair I had to struggle with this among other horrible obsessions at a young age (14 yrs old when I started experiencing this plus POCD and soon ROCD at 16) and I never even realized what kind of monster I was dealing up until recently when I decided to do research on Pure-OCD and intrusive thoughts and realized virtually EVERY SINGLE symptom talked about coincides with soooo many experiences I’ve had. I wish I would’ve known what this was a long time ago but perhaps it’s better I find out now cause it might be easier for me to find ERP therapy now than it would have been when I was 14.

I know I've always been straight, there's no denying it. I'm a christian and god say to accept others for who they are no matter who they love. Everybody has somebody. But know that in my heart and soul that I am not a Lesbian, Bi, or Trans. I never have been. BUT I do accept people who are like that cause in my opinion... whatever makes them happy makes them happy. I don't care what you do as long as you're happy

My sex addiction caused me so much harm. I did anything and everything not knowing the harm it would cause after. Doing all that even caused me to question my sexuality. I was sexually abused by a family member when I was 4-5 years old. If I knew back then in my 20’s why I was doing the things I was doing I would have never done them and seeked help.

Thank you, this is very helpful

I get hocd I am choosing to disregard. Choice does not require proof. Choice does not require reassurance. Ocd will still send thoughts but I'm done listening. I used to have magical thinking ocd, like if I didn't complete an action someone I knew would have bad luck or get sick or even die. I had that until I decided nope that's dumb I don't believe that, your wrong ocd. Now I don't have any anxiety, urges ect over that at all. I believe facing this new theme in the same way is working. It still doesn't feel great but it's definitely lessening in the past few months

Hey, I Just love your videos

great video! i wish it was talked about more being queer and having so-ocd or gender ocd w/o automatically assuming “if you’re gay/queer with so-ocd you fear being straight” i identified as bisexual when i was in middle school then moved to queer a few years later and stuck with that bc i felt it was more me and inclusive, i was comfortable liking women, men, non binary whoever! recently though, what i believe to be so-ocd convinces me “you’re lying to yourself and your partner, you don’t like him bc he’s a man” it’s SO FRUSTRATING i love him as a person, im attracted to him, but these thoughts can be debilitating making me question everything. i want to know peace again😭and i’m working towards that! these videos help so much

Wonderful video Chrissie! Thank you for telling the truth about not being able to get an answer. Once people realize how futile it is to keep ritualizing in a way that's intended to attain certainty, we can finally take the first step towards treatment. Habituating to the idea that we can't get an answer is what gives us freedom and clarity. As your therapist once wrote and I always reminded myself during my recovery "within the question, lies the answer"

I had HOCD, and I kept it to myself bc I was ashamed , It just went away, but right now I’m having TOCD that were triggered by a dream, I personally believe that dreams are nothing but stuff the brain saw before and just mixed it, I saw a video about a trans guy in his late 20s talking about all his cicurgied he went through, and my dream that night was about going through a cirugía, and that has me so mad , bc I love being a girl, I don’t want to stop being one, but that dream made me so uncomfortable and mad and confused, and now I’m scared that suddenly I won’t like to do the things I do, like big dresses and pink or cute stereotypical girl things, I’m scared and I hate the thought of not knowing what I am or who, and it’s so scary , I told my mom and she told me that she doesn’t care and she would love me, it made me feel comfort but I’m still anxious, I want to be a girl and I’m so scared I’ll suddenly wake up and not like it

You rock! ♥️♥️♥️

Super helpful and makes a lot of sense by the same time I don’t know still but I guess that’s ok ....?

I didn’t fear I was trans-I spent years worrying I *wasn’t* (and therefore would be forced to detransition, giving up the life I had built as Rachel).

Can you talk about having Pure O and being in a relationship. I am afraid that it will affect my relationship, how should i tell this to my partner. Since i have sexual intrusive thoughts i am scared that while having sex i will have these thoughts. A video about these topics would be awesome.

Is it possible to experience groinal responses without any anxiety? I am on 200mg of Luvox at the moment, and I have been extremely worried about not feeling any anxiety over the thoughts, feeling that I may act on them or end up enjoying them.

I have all of this but at this point I actually don’t even know deep down in straight

I always say, "your sexuality is always there" so its maddening when it's a dought 😣😣😣😣 you cant out think OCD 🥴 so it's not fun... 😐😭

I had HOCD for months but now I feel that I can control it. The problem is, after that TOCD started. The reason I scared so much, is because from a young age I always like body swap, but in a sexual way. I don’t see myself becoming a woman, I just sometimes have fantasies about being a woman so I can touch myself and all of that and not become woman for the rest of my life. I know that inside I’m a man and feeling comfortable, but my OCD is really driving me crazy. I never thought about it before the HOCD pop up a few months ago.

I saw a post about how a women figured out she’s gay because she has mistaken attraction to men for male validation and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. And I keep asking myself am I attracted to men or do I just want male validation and it have a been a rabbit hole I can’t stop thinking about it

Ik this is probably a compulsion but I really need to confess and get this off my chest. It all started with some bad bullying. I was feeling low at the time and this person systematically called out every thing that I did that was slightly feminine or ‘gay’. All of my likes and interests were questioned but I could see that it wasn’t true. It never left properly and came back after I watched an episode of South Park that triggered me at a time where I was worrying about everything. I started doing all of these things to prove to myself that I was still straight but the relief was temporary. The worst part is I have a girlfriend who couldn’t be any more perfect. She’s all I ever wanted but now I can’t appreciate her. Which only worsens everything. It got really bad after a bad experience with her and I felt like a failure. At that time I had to pick up drink glasses and put them down again and then repeat until I did it in a masculine way. I did the same with picking things up. I can’t wear certain clothes anymore. I’d go upstairs every 15 minutes or so just to check I still get aroused by girls but of course I still do but it wasn’t enough. I think abt it all day and I can’t stop. There’s no actual proof but now I genuinely can’t tell if it’s ocd or not sometimes. I know all I want is my girlfriend but it won’t leave me. I’m so sad and I can’t handle the thoughts or the guilt anymore. If anyone took the time to read that thank you I just needed to vocalise it instead of it playing in my head all day

Omggg i understand you sooo muchh in the biggening, i have a boyfriend tooo at 17years old and im not into him that much and yesterday my friend who is girl texted me something nice and i felt good after that an i thought i had arousal and today tooo and it was horrible!! I couldn't stop, i walked around, searched online about homosexual, when i found out that when you attracted to girl you are lesbian and i went nuts, i couldnt stop myself from worrying! And i do have some fav girls like when i see my friends some of my friends are like my favorite the moment i see them but i see them as close friends and not lovers xD

Is it normal if for a while the anxiety that come with your fears is not as strong as it used to be, Is it normal ? what does it mean ? did I even have OCD in the first place ? Am I actually getting use to these thoughts ? It might sound strange but part of me found comfort in the anxiety in a way

Today I got a random thought that I kissed my friend while i was thinking about my friend and I can’t tell if I’m attracted to it or not because anxiety is clouding all of these feelings

I don't have hocd or pocd etc but other thought like comparing myself to other in toxic way I dont want these thoughts but it keep forcing itself in ly brain Does mean i have ocd?

Do you ever get intrusive thoughts of prior themes of OCD even after recovery?

Hi Chrissie, have you heard of lesbian master doc? I have read it and some points resonated with me and I'm back to questioning even though I thing/thought this is HOCD? Like inside I know I am not a lesbian but there is says things like "if you think that your thoughts are due to trauma, it's one of the signs". What do you think of it?

i think i have hocd but then i tell myself i’m propbably indenial, i think i got hocd a month ago, i used to fantasise about guys, but i feel like my feelings for them have got lowere and lower, the thoughts i get are unwanted and give me anxiety, i don’t want a relationship with the same sex it just wouldn’t feel right, i also feel scared i won’t have a family when i’m older. It just feels way too real now, i always try to assure myself it’s just hocd and i’m not gay but idk, i think about it 24 7,i hate it so muchhh, i want the thoughts to go away. Helpppppp

But even i'm completely sure that i have HOCD, is still possible for me to figure out that i'm actually gay?

Yeah yesterday I had a thought and bothered me so much, I couldn't tell whether it was real arousal or groinal response, woke up the next morning and didn't really phase me at all, I just can't give as many fuck as I used to.

Is anyone else REALLy struggling with how literally every show now has gay characters? On the one hand I'm happy for there is good representation out there, but for someone with hocd it's torture. I've also noticed that when a character is just gay and it's not a big deal (David in schitts creek for example) it's really ok. But mot shows have a whole big thing about someone coming out or worse 'I thought I was straight' narratives and it's the WORST. And then I feel like a homophobe and like I hate gay people. This is awful. Lately I only watch old stuff b/c it's literally every single show. It would be like if you had health ocd and suddenly EVERY.SINGLE.SHOW. had a story arc about a character being diagnosed with a terminal disease. Even WORSE, my best friend in the whole world is gay. I want to be supportive of her and I am but she doesn't know about my hood b/c I think it would make her so upset. The thing is though she makes jokes ALL the time about things 'being gay' or 'oh yeah that woman wore sandals she's gay' and I know it's just her wacky and wonderful sense of humor but it's SO FREAKING TRIGGERING especially b/c of the whole 'evidence someone is gay' thing. And she's clearly joking (like she regularly says iced tea is gay lol) but also like how do I ask her nicely to please stop saying all these things are 'indicators' someone is 'gay' or 'repressed.' Seriously, help. I try joking back and saying things like lol but Birkenstocks don't actually HAVE a sexual orientation lol and can be enjoyed by men and hippies and lesbians alike! But she'll just joke more and be like yeah well I've never seen a straight woman wearing them (which is also ridiculous find me a person who doesn't or hasn't had a pair of Birkenstocks, seriously).

I would kind of just link absolutely any thought I had to some form of homosexuality or lack of heterosexuality, and it’s haunting me.

I have AOCD

Your very beautiful woman

If I do find out that I have some bi-tendencies am I obliged to live them out to be more complete as a human being? I guess no one can tell.

I never suffered from this and I feel for those that have. I have severe sexually based OCD thought that is a constant struggle so I feel you brothers and sisters.

i have a pretty bad case of tocd, it’s repulsive and i feel like throwing up and can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. everytime i see a cute well dressed skaterboy i ask myself if that’s who i really want to be or if i just like the coolness and "freedom" boys have. i don‘t even want to look at boys anymore because i know i will ask myself that everytime and check how i feel about it. but i don’t even know what i feel anymore. i just wanna know if i would be happier as a guy. it’s so exhaustingi just don’t want to live anymore sometimes because of this

Maybe i am gay, bi, lesbian in a male body but i know for sure that you are so beautiful and i probably invite you a date, will be funmy two persons think that they are gay dating

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

So does having Hocd and been Diagnosed With ocd mean we are not Gay

The problem I have also got is because I am thinking about gay sex 24/7 and sexual acts when ruminating i feel like I am enjoying the thoughts of a penis and kissing a man etc and feel I should be repulsed but I don’t my therapists says I have become desensitised but now I just believe I am Gay anyone else like this

I'm a 25 year old man. I never thought or was afraid of being gay. until I have gay friends. and now I'm really worried about my personality. and every day I always doubt what I believe. and my psychiatrist wasn't very helpful. sorry for my english. i use google translate

The thing is I know I'm 100% sure I'm not straight but I keep switching from lesbian to bi and it hurts my brain. I was certain I was lesbian for a whole year then I realized I liked my guy friend. This made me start panicking and I suffered. I know I'm not lesbian but I don't like calling myself bi? I don't know why I hate it. Calling myself lesbian just felt more comfortable and I was happier with that label. Not sure if I have eternalized biphobia or if it's hocd? Or maybe I'm afraid of men and maybe I'm sexist deep down? Because I was abused by a guy when I was 15 and I think if I fall for a guy he's going to cheat on me, dump me for someone else, or force me to do things I don't want to do. It was so humiliating and degrading.

While I'm writing this I'm having a PANICK ATTACK because all my life I've had ocd in all different forms but now it's HOCD and I hate it so much came out of the blew like one day 2 weeks ago I said I'm straight out of no where and you know it's ok because these are only thiguthd but they seem so real

Is there treatment you can do at home

Hello my friends! answer me, what places can we feel the groinal response?

I just learned that I have bocd not hcod

Sometimes my brain mixes up looking at a guy and saying he is attractive to me actually wanting him. Like I dont get aroused and never have it disgusts me but I get a feeling in my stomach but I dont like it. But when I see an attractive girl its happy feelings I enjoy and like. I know I have hocd its impossible for me to be gay because women are just amazing but I fear this attraction makes me bi and I dont want to be.

I’m a guy I’ve always been attracted to opposite gender I’ve never been attracted to the same gender but I imagined myself having sex with a guy does this mean I’m gay

I have OCD, and I have the fear of having autism. Does OCD ever mimic autism?

😥

Sexuality is fixed from puberty. You know what your attracted from a young age. You just know.

I had to watch lesbian porn for my ERP and it was so hard because I had an arousal! So maaany thoughts! I’m so confused and sad. I don’t know me anymore

Please help ! Denial or hocd? (Sorry if my english is bad. Im french.) (Im probably missing some key symptoms so if you know the symptoms please ask me if i have them) p.s Im stressing out so i forget stuff Hi there, as a potential hocd sufferer (cause im not sure if i truly have it) This really reassured me. (I might be in denial, but just thinking about it scares me) It's only been 2 weeks since i began having intrusive thoughts about my orientation. The way it all began is with a damn dream ! I Seriously, it was basically about me and one of my best friends which is the same sex as me. I was in the shower and then he poped up out of no where behind me naked. I think you can imagine how scary that is. I never even thought as him as nothing more than a friend. Not long before the dream at my school we had a presentation which asked me if we we're gay or straight or something else related. And i said straight... At first i didn't question the dream that much but. After rethinking and rethinking it for the day. I couldn't stop thinking (Am i gay ? What if i'm gay? What does this mean? ect...) After that, i read dozens of articles online about people who has hocd and I'm pretty sure i have the symptoms. Every single day, i wake up and it takes like 3 minutes before i start having these thoughts that comes out of no where (What was the dream i had a couple day ago about ? Am i gay?) This all happened during weekend so ones it was time to go to school i was so scared. What if boys at my school turn me on or what if i find them attractive. I had extreme stress. And guess what ? Ones i get to school i start starring at all the boys to see if i find them attractive or not but then i thought (If i keep staring at them does that make me gay?) And then i tried doing the opposite. I started avoiding boys. And then thought (I must be gay cause i dont want to see boys) And sometimes in my life i thought some guys we're handsome but i think everyone can think of someone as the same sex as pretty or handsome. But now that i had my thought telling me to rate and to see if guys attracted me it's as if they we're actually handsome. But like chrissie said "When you start thinking about something like that. You'll find everyone attractive" (I dont fully remember but it went around those lines) I can't even concentrate at school. I still think girls are pretty and i still see girls as attractive.

I'm non-binary panromantic grey asexual ✌️ *edit: I don't have OCD just ran into the video

THE OCD IS TELLING ME TRANSGENDER IS GAY

more you try to figure it out，more miserable you become，so stop it，you are not what it is saying.

Actually, hocd doesn’t tell you anything about your sexuality, it’s just a brain malfunction! But you can have hocd and be gay still 🤫