Okay you know what I love about the Dutch Directness?! After reading all the comments, so many people disliked the crazy voice edits so because you all told me about them I will use them less of course. How cool was it that by you being direct about them I can change it to be better versus if you had all said you loved it but secretly stopped watching!! 😳 THANKFUL FOR THAT DIRECTNESS HONEYYYYYY!!!!!!! #imlistening

When I was 11 my bike was stolen, I left my key inside the lock for a moment to open my garage door and to drop off my bag. I come back and my bike is gone. I'm angry, grab my spare key and start to look for it. I end up at the train station and I see my bike and I see it is locked. Not only that but there is this group of older guys standing around it. When I see them I get scared but that makes me even more mad. So I marched up to the group, tapped this guy on his shoulder and said 'excuse me' he looked confused, stepped aside and I reached my bike. Another one said 'hey that's my bike!' when I try to take it. And I looked him dead in the eye with my eleven year old stubborn face and said 'really?! Because I have the key right here!' Silence. One of the guys behind me started to laugh and said 'you go girl!' I took my bike and went home. Don't touch my bike.

I just wanted to add, that "directness" is in Dutch culture politeness. If you are politely direct, you send the message that you respect someone for what he/she is. That is also true if you say to somebody you don't like him/her. That is true respect in its deepest form (for a Dutch person). It is hard for foreigners to grasp the concept. Because there is a fine line between being direct (respectfully) and being rude (disrespectfully). I cannot really explain where that fine line is. I think it has to do with the inner intentions you have when being direct/rude. People sense your intentions from the way you say it. If you say in in a matter of fact way, it is respectful to infinity. If you say it with a certain facial expression, or intonation in the voice, it may be rude, although the same words will be spoken in both cases.

_Opinions here are like armpits, everybody's got them!_ - Joey Jaq 2019

As a Turkish person in the Netherlands I got almost a sandal thrown at me because I was direct to my parents.😂😂

When Americans say "Hey how are you" but don't actually want to know how you are. *cringe*

But it's 10 times more nice to get a compliment, when you know they're being honest.

Direct, we call it being honest lol you asked me a question so here's my answer 😁

Honestly, Dutch people are direct, but there is a difference between direct and just being rude.

I love the directness of the Dutch (as a Dutch person) because to me that "niceness" from Americans feels like a lie. To me, you can pretty much count on it that a foreigner will lie to you when you ask an opinion (or they don't, but you don't know when they are lying or when they do like something), whereas, when you ask the opinion of a Dutchie, you can do something with it, because it is their opinion, not what they think you want to hear.

I think being direct is not something our parents ever teach us explicitly, but we just learn from observing and from interaction with others. That said, I as a Dutch person also think it's rude to give a negative opinion on someone's looks/clothes/etc without being asked.

it used to be no problem to be dutch and direct on the internet. but I feel I get more problems for it and I have to keep explaining I am not angry.

I really appreciate and enjoy hearing your insights and opinions on Dutch culture. Its really interesting to watch as a Dutch person. It's also refreshing to see how much research you put into your videos. It's clear you feel at home here. But I do have to admit that I find the editing in this video a bit distracting and annoying. A bit of editing is fine, it makes it more fun. But I find the number of effects you add a bit much. Still enjoying your videos tho :) Thank you for sharing these!

i had it the other way around, when i was in the US. the lady at the store asked : hi how are you today sir( fake smile ); so i replied that i have a sore shoulder, and it hurts while driving. she looked at me, if i was crazy. . if you don't want to know, dont ask....

Anecdote: In NL you are quite quickly part of the family with your in-laws, if they like you. Being Dutch and independent, when you are at their home you grab a drink yourself when you’re thirsty, once you’ve been there a few times. But don’t ever think you can do that in, for example, East Germany. They will be really, REALLY insulted because it implies to them that they are failing in hospitality as you are not properly being taken care of. So it’s all a mindset.

I was on internship in Tanzania with some English and Australian people. I was the only Dutchie there. I sometimes noticed in the beginning that they were a bit shocked by my directness. But in the end everyone started telling me how much they liked it, because they knew that when I said something nice, I really meant it, and therefore it meant so much more to them. :)

Dutch directness isn't only a thing in The Netherlands; it seems a lot of Europeans, British and Scandinavians are more direct than Americans. Experienced it first hand traveling through Europe and especially working for a French company. At first I thought it was rude and was taken aback by how blunt some of the things I heard said to my face were but realized direct communication (instead of being fake, passive aggressive, etc...) is actually genuine honesty and appreciated it. After working for French and German owned companies with a majority of coworkers from Europe (including The NL) over the years I've become more direct with people when talking to them. Actually some European coworkers complained to me about Americans who were "too smilely" haha Politeness in the US can sometimes be seen as a bit disingenuous.

It's all about the dutch efficienty....no time to waste. and ofcourse, if someone asks an (honest) opinion It's rude to NOT tell the truth.

I’m Dutch and I worked for an American company. During my yearly evaluation, my boss told me in an upset voice: “You are too direct, it’s aggressive.”. I wanted to fix that but needed some constructive feedback, so I asked him: “Alright, I see. Could you give me some examples, so I know what I’m doing wrong?” He got even more upset and raised his voice and said: “You’re doing it again!! You’re being aggressive!”. It left me flabbergasted and confused. I guess it’s a good example of the indirectness of the Americans vs the directness of the Dutch you mentioned in the beginning of your video 😂

This is so interesting! When I lived in the US for a year as an exchange student I always found it really hard to figure out what people actually meant. They would be so nice to me and I would be think "we could be friends, i think they like hanging out with me" and then I'd never hear from them again. Every time I would talk to people I would think "are you just being nice or do you mean it...?" It made it pretty difficult for me to make friends.

We zijn open en eerlijk . We geven onze echte mening niet iets wat we niet menen, om maar aardig gevonden te worden. We leren als kind om eerlijk te zijn. Niet liegen. Zeg het hoe het is. Eerlijkheid staat voorop. Het is een teken van vriendelijkheid. Zeker bij bekenden.

I think the Dutch might be direct, but at least you know where you stand with people. Americans seem much more likely to act like they’re your friend only to stab you in the back.

My parents often said to me that communication is key, so when something is wrong or you don't think something is going well, you have to say it. Otherwise it creates tension that's often unnecessary. Be your true self with true ideas and opinions. So people like the REAL you, not something made up I also leaned when giving feedback, always start with something you did good, then what could be better. But a lot of duthies forget this lesson outside of school, haha.

I study in Amsterdam. I was raised in the Netherlands but I'm both Dutch and Spanish. I guess Spanish people are even more direct than Dutch people, and sometimes Dutch people get mad at me because I'm too direct. So I guess there is a limit :)

Joey Jaq I LOVE YOU!!!!!! I subscribed! I MUST have some Dutch DNA in me somewhere, I'm American with some English and French Canadian in there. People have thought I'm rude because I tell the truth, I'm direct not rude just factual. I loved your video and the presentation was great and had great humor! How nice. Thanks so much. Was introduced to your site by a Dutch woman having an ongoing conversation with Americans on You Tube who are what they accuse her of!!! Fascinating! So glad she gave your site to visit to refer to. I have visited the Netherlands and found the people lovely, I would love to live there for a space of time. My country is falling apart with an overflow of ignorant unteachables. Obviously, when you look at what is happening in our government. I never thought I would ever see such an uncouth person become president but hey, it taught me what the majority of American mentality really is, otherwise I wouldn't have believed it! It sickens me to think the majority (those who put him in office) may at some point be directly responsible for WW111! Imagine that if you will. (OF COURSE THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION) I constantly pray God will take care of this desperate situation without nuclear weapons! Otherwise we are all done for! That's how bad it is! BUT hey, thanks for your wonderful video and Happy New Year Joey! God Bless you! Mary Lou and Little Grace🐕x

Hi Joey! Another fun 😂 video!! Your example of the short haircut is a perfect example of what I think is a fine line between directness and tactlessness. I really appreciate Dutch people for being truthful and honest. BUT (and I’m being Dutch direct here), when people say unkind things *without being asked for their opinion* this crosses the line from direct to tactless/rude. I also agree 💯 that Americans can learn so much from the Dutch!!! Thanks for this great video! 😘

Honestly that exemple of the charger being put in wrong is so accurrate lol

I am Dutch and I live in London for 21 years and I so miss the directness of my fellow dutch. I wish more people where like that.

I think the example directness in the end with the USB-stick is me being helpfull, me being a very nice person :) Not being direct at all hahaha

I personally don't think it's actually taught, but as everyone interacts this way, a kid is used to hearing this behavior. And for an example me being too direct: visiting the USA, my BF's sister played yodeling music in her car and I reacted by moaning and telling her that I really couldn't listen to that horrid music during that trip 🤪😵🤢 (but seriously...jodeling?)

mijn moeder zij altijd 'als je iets niet mooi vind kun je dat beter voor jezelf houden, maar als iemand er naar vraag MOET je altijd eerlijk zijn'. Daarnaast, hoe 'closer' je bent met iemand, hoe eerlijker je tegen die persoon mag zijn. Eerlijkheid en oprecht zijn vind ik als Nederlander gewoon heel belangrijk. En als iemand 'fake' doet, prik ik daar zo doorheen.

I’m dutch and I struggle with our directness a lot being an introvert lol. Although I think being direct nicely and politely is good way of communicating, I also feel like there are some people that feel so entitled to their opinions here (like you also mentioned), which is kinda harsh for me sometimes. But it’s best not to care anyways because those people aren’t really nice and not worth the time. Also you’re videos are really fun to watch, keep up the great work! ^^

As a fellow dutchgirl, i really like how you see us! Keep it moving

Honestly, a crying baby is already interpreted as them "standing up" for themselves. (You know, communicating their needs and feelings with to environment). It's truly integrated in not just Dutch upbringing, but in the entire Dutch view on human nature and culture. I've read some articles about cultural differences in Dutch and American families and it's so interesting to see so many differences even though the cultures are quite similar on the outside (both Western, individualistic, performance driven, etc)

Story time, that is I a parenting story. Son was 3 years old, and climbing a tree. I was inside and all of a sudden a loud banging on the door. Neighbour saw him and she was in a state like I've never seen before. Shouting and all I could do was yell STOP at her. Next I thing I hear was 'PAP, ik kan er niet meer uit!'. Mijn reactie 'hoe ben je omhoog gekomen?' Antwoord 'Gewoon, via de takken'. Mijn reactie 'Nou, dan kijk naar hoe je je voeten moet neerzetten om naar beneden te komen, ik wacht wel' 'Ja maar dat kan ik niet, ik zit vast met mijn trui' 'Hoe is dat gegaan?. 'Nou ik ging naar beneden' 'Dus is de oplossing eerst weer naar boven, denk je niet?' 'Oh, dat kan' 30 seconds later, he was out, proud as he could be because he solved the problem. The Dutch have a tendency to let people mistakes as long it is safe to do so. And yes, I was on tenterhooks, falling out of a tree from a height of 4 meters could have been serious, but boys will be boys and better to have him learn something which is helpfuf than me throwing a hissy fit and have him actually falling. At the end I asked the neighbour in and have a cup of coffee, still visibly upset, I asked her why she was banging the door. Her answer was because of the height of the tree, to me that didn't make much sense, even if it would've been 3ft chances would have been broken bones.

Hi there Joey , Loved your vlog ! 👍 Am an X-Pat as well .... I came to you via Jovie's home channel ! She referred to your Vlogging channel 👍🌻❤🍷 Cheers , nice to meet you ! Great to be able to share our point of views on so many different areas !!! Have a great weekend dear , Love to you , Yentl ❤💕👍👍👍 Bed time ( dental nurse ) , 00.44 am now ... TGIF !! 👍 Catch you later ! PS : Your VLOG made a lot of sense !!!! Agreed with it all the way ! ( YOU can read my full comment on Dutch directness under Jovie's home last vlog !!! ( Yentl Spirit ) ..... 🌹🌹🌹

My Mom always told me as a child 'Words don't hurt'. Which I thought was a very weird saying when I was young, because words did hurt me. But as I grew older I began to realise what she ment by it. Don't be afraid to tell the truth and don't take criticism to heavy.

Ugh fake politeness is the worst. If I ask for your opinion, give it to me! What’s the use of asking otherwise? Plus, if you don’t want to hear mine, don’t ask! I just think being down to earth and honest is most important here. We teach kids ‘well that’s his opinion and that’s okay too’ and ‘you don’t have to like/get along with everybody’ and ‘just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you have to like all the same things’. We stimulate honesty in just about anything but that doesn’t mean we go along with it always for our kids. Like, we’ll let them decide for themselves what sports they’ll play but we’ll also go, ‘It’s okay you don’t like it but you’ll finish the season anyway’. 😂👍

And at bright side: when we say we love your new glasses, de DO love those new glasses!

I would never go to someone and say: I don't like something of that person. If my family or friends ask for my opinion, I will give my real opinion. I will try to say it in a kind way if I don't like it. I only will say to family /friends if I like something without asking.

2 duimpjes omhoog. Hard op gelachen. Zo herkenbaar. Einde kleuterklas begin je kinderen voor zichZelf op te laten komen. Love your video’s 😍

Love your shirt! (And you know I mean it...) There are not many occasions we "teach" our children to be correct I think. It's in the every day conversations, discussing our opinions at the dinner table (no television in the background) When my children had an opinion I asked: oh, why do you think that? Which makes the discussion open and you will know what's in their minds and hearts. Which is a good thing. On the other hand: I teached them to say "U" instead of "JIJ", offer your place to sit in a busy bus to an elderly person etc... Love your video!

Love your videos! To answer your question: there's not really a point in life where our parents "teach" us to be direct. We kind of learn from our environment. Our parents are an example for us and since they are direct, kids will naturally learn from this and become direct as well!

My dutch boyfriend will tell it to my face when I don't look good with something on, which at the very start shocked me. But then I realised how great of a thing it was because 1) I can count on him to tell me if I look ridiculous in something and therefore shouldn't do it, and 2) when he does compliment me, I know he means it. :D

This is all so true. As a young girl I cried about this attitude, some times it is TOO hard in my opinion. 🙈 Love uour videos 🥰

Even Dutch cannot always handle Dutch directness. But it makes you think. To accept or to ignore it.

Wait and spend few more years in Nederland with dutch and then you will know the true reality of dutch directness or so called honesty ! :)

Being direct, honest and giving your opinion is just something that schools and parents stimulate. They ask you what you think without context or judging you so you’ll answer what you really think. I even got grades for it in primary school: Stands up for his/her own opinion. Edit: Because of people can be mean, they also taught you how to deal with it, or -if they are offending you or something- how to stand up for yourself and tell them what you think about it.

Joey, I totally understand you. Being married to a Vietnamese woman, the most indirect people in the world, I experience that every day.

Hey, I'm from Rotterdam! My dad always told me to stick up for myself. When I was bullied he told me to hit back whenever they hit me. He taught me from the age of 4 I think. The Dutch "directness" teaches you to be confident (:

Nice video's, but please don't use those voice effects anymore? (Speaking about being direct)

I think this is implemented in our raising from the very beginning. My parents would tell me to step up and speak out your opinion because it’s important to have one and show it. And another example, I was on tennis and someone was bullying me and hit me with a racket. So I went crying to my dad and the only thing he said was “if he hits you once, you’re allowed to hit him back twice as hard” so thats what I did. I think it gets more important everyday to show who you are, what you stand for and let them know you are not one to be messed with. And I hate agression but I do think the way I was raised really benefits me socially now. I dont go running around hitting everyone, but you learn to stand up for yourseld because you matter, but you do it all with respect as long as they have it for you too.

People get offended OL all the time, specifically americans. I've spoken to other europeans who interact with americans Ol and they also feel it's so relaxing to talk to another EU person because we just don't take offence to everything. I think americans take everything personally, that shirt you wear, your haircut, if you have a different taste than someone else, it's all irrelevant to you personally for us. So if we have a different personal taste like on the candle, that's just fine, not insulting in the least. It means americans have very long toes to step on, anything you say about their country, their president, their poor, they can take everything personally as if it has an impact on their own selfesteem. We don't do that, we appreciate that you are your own person and it doesn't matter what sports team you like or where you're from or what job you have. I think that's a much nicer way to be, I like to think we live in reality, where you can adjust things by pointing out flaws without worrying about people's egos. If the U.S was as allergic to lies as we are they'd never have trump or 90% of their politicians.

I think we learn it while growing up, depending where you grow up in the Netherlands. ( environment and stuff). We also have so many cultures. For example, my family is from Indonesia and Morocco and in their cultures they also avoid directness ( honesty primarily Haha). So for me it was a life choice. A lot of people, even Dutch people can't handle directness, eventhough they are being direct themselves.. when you learn to be polite/positive direct you can't ( almost can't) hurt someone. And you can have a good and meaningful conversation. I almost can't imagine a healthy relationship where you can be honest and direct. Love your videos!

In the netherlands we say : ik kan het niet ruiken he, that means i cant smell it. This means if you dont say what you want/need or mean other people cant help you so with that we learn to be direct.

i prefer having someone being honest and direct to me. I really don’t like it when people lie or take forever to get to their point. but yes of course it should be said in a nice way.

When I was like 8 years old I made a snowman together with my dad. I was very proud of it. It was the tallest I ever made it was like 2 meters I guess. A couple hours later I looked oudside and there was a group of guys (I think they were 20 or something) putting fireworks in it and my heart just broke when I saw that. So I stormed outside and yelled to the guys. I build that snowman so leave it alone! The guys looked at me and laughed and walked away. When they were gone I took the fireworks out of the snowman and filled the holes with snow and he was whole again. :)

This is so related. When I first came to the Netherlands I thought people are a bit mean. But it's kinda nice to get the real picture of things. About how kids get it. Some kid I know got clothes from he's parents and he is like 4 years or something and he didn't like the clothes the parents just understood and planned to take the clothes back to the store.. Broo! If you do that from where I come from, you will not be getting clothes for months haha....we are taught to appreciate what we get from a young age whether we like it or not. It's nice to just say what you like and what you dont like directly.. Like no hard feelings! I like this directness now!

There is still a line between Dutch directness and being plain rude. For example, if you would say "Your shirt is horrible. How can you even wear something like that?" This woud just be a mean thing to say, even for a Dutch person. Becausse other than giving your opinion on the shirt, it is also about the person. A thing non rude Dutch people would say would be like "Meh, the shirt is not my taste, but as long as you like it." There is a saying for this too. 'Speel op de bal, niet op de man.' (Play the ball, not the man). It means that if you have to critisize something, you should not be attacking or blaming the one responsible. But you should stick to the subject instead.

Maybe our directness has to do with our efficiency. We don't like to avoid the truth because it wouldn't get us anywhere. 'Eerlijkheid duurt het langst' is a well known Dutch saying (honesty is the best policy). Lies will eventually come back around and won't help to improve something. When something isn't working right we do something about it, instead of just looking at the problem from a distance and just think yea... that's a problem. Avoiding certain unpleasant situations won't get you far.

Your explanation about always being nice makes a lot of sense now. Sometimes I really don’t understand that behavior. I believe we (Dutch people) are friendly to others but not necessarily nice. I work in a small restaurant and last time and American girl made an order. So I gave her a buzzer which makes a sound and if it does she can pick up her food. So she said in a low and bit mean tone thanks to me. And I was like oh ok maybe she isn’t feeling great or has a rough day. But then she looked at me and was like; oh that wasn’t really nice of me. And she changed her voice to a very happy one and said again Thank you very much. And idk but I felt very confused 😅

As a Dutch person in Belgium literally every day... But they rather look at it as my personality.

Im watching how my nephew and niece are being taught... From the moment they can talk. Don't lie be honest. Speak up "kom voor jezelf op", fight back etc. Say what you think, formulate your own opinion. I've only heard " be nice" in the context of not fighting with friends or try to be nice to your family members meeting them for the first time, entering school, new situations basically. But never in the context of when someone asks you your opinion. It's not so much actually being taught it's more that we are not :)

The thing you said on 9:21 it is really relatable. But on the other hand it definitely affected my childhood and even up until today how I became as a person. It affected us on the emotional side. Thanks for making this video and making me feel normal again, that I'm living in a lifestyle where this is normal and I should also accept it. :)

I work at a kindergarten in the Netherlands and we teach the children that they have to speak up. If you don’t like the way someone is treating you? Just say it. If you don’t want that your friend is touching you, or is speaking loud, just say it. It’s how we teach the children to be assertive.

i LOVE LOVE LOVE your vids ! ik ben Nederlands en ik vind je videos echt leuk! ik vind het echt leuk om de verschillen te weten en jou mening! Ga zo door ! X

I think being direct and indirect are just two different ways of being nice. If you are direct to a person you make sure they don't look like a clown and people won't gossip behind their back. While if you are indirect you make sure their feelings aren't hurt and that they have a nice time when they are around you. They both have their pros and cons but i believe being direct might hurt your feelings at the moment but i does give you more respect and a better understanding of the person in the long run.

I think you learn it in middel school the most if i was bullyed my parents and grand parents would tell us “if they beat you, dont come home untill you beat them back even harder” with words and with actions Echt leuk dat je nederlands er door heen praat! Sorry voor mijn engels...

In the Dutch Preschools you got teached that if you or somebody else get bullied, don't say ' humm, hello, why are you doing that?' no, you say ' Leave him alone or I'll go to the teacher'. If your friend is doing something wrong, like stealing or doing something the teacher had forbidden, go say it straight into his face and next go to your teacher. That's what we've learned through our entire life. Stand up for what is right and don't hesitate.

Reacting to this as a born Dutchman of 56 years old is difficult. I don't perceive it as direct. It is just the way it is. My parents were extremely loving, very strict sometimes and if I made a mistake, or did something wrong, they would not hesitate to tell me that I was a stupid cow. But if you do not know anything else, it is just normal. As for have I gotten in trouble with being too direct? Yes, almost. I was representing the Netherlands in a group of 21 countries (including the USA as observer) and year in, year out, I was doing most, if not almost all, of the work. So, I sent an angry e-mail to everybody telling them that I was dissapointed with their attitude. The German representative filed an official complaint about that e-mail at the German foreign ministry in Berlin. They dismissed it. But it could have been a small diplomatic incident. The next meeting I spoke to him, and I apologized for the mail if it had made him angry. I NEVER apologized for its content.

I clicked so hard on this video xD I love you and your videos! I think for USA standards, New Yorkers are pretty direct. At least when I was there :P -- but New Yorkers tend to be aggressively direct, whilst my fellow Dutch people are more matter-of-fact direct. What I did notice is that Dutch people aren't direct all the time - for example, if somebody is talking loudly in the "stiltecoupé" of a train, only occasionally somebody will call those people out. Usually it's just really awkward xD. As a child we are taught to be very efficient and "real". Lying is also a big no-no. But, at least in my case, I was taught to be very polite. Not all Dutch people will be as polite I think. Anyway. You keep doing you!

I always learned: you gotta stick up for yourself because nobody else is gonna do that

Hey Joey, I once asked a coworker why she was wearing so much makeup and she really was pissed off because she interpreted this as she shouldn't be wearing so much makeup. But after I explained to her she just doesn't need to wear so much her mood lightened up. Even when where direct there are not always cruel intentions involved.

You have gained yourself a subscriber! Love how you as an outsider talk about the Dutch culture. I find it always so interesting what people think about the difference between culture especially my own culture so thankyou!!

As a Dutch person I know that we can be really direct. Even when our teacher on school wears something weird or if we think the lesson is boring, we just honestly say that to them. Vrijheid van meningsuiting is in Nederland een grondwet. Het is voor ons erg belangrijk dat we het gewoon kunnen zeggen als we het ergens niet mee eens zijn.

I was working as a research assistant (for free) for an Australian PhD-student. She messaged me at 22:30 if I could come to work the next day, so first thing in the morning I texted her back telling her I had already made other plans. Then she called me and asked me what my problem was. I didn't take it as a rhetorical question so I told her she expected too much of someone who worked for her for free. Then she got really angry at me and told me I needed to work on my attitude. At the time I was flabbergasted because I just gave her an honest answer to her question. Later I realized that the problem was probably due to cultural differences in work hierarchy and directness.

I'm second generation of Dutch immigrants un Luxembourg and grew up with both cultures but apparently the directness sticks, because my best friend (who's only luxembourgish) would always say 'you're whole family is so direct'. :D

Joey: “my favourite thing about the Dutch directness is that they will call Bull- **ad rolls up** 😂😂

I always see people commenting on facebook 'dont say anything if you don't have anything nice to say' and i always found that so weird, like you are not allowed to have a different opinion and if you do, you should just shut up. For me speaking the truth is more like a favour, ofcourse not burning them to the ground, but by giving feedback in a nice way. I do feel like we should ask before giving feedback tho, because just comming up to someone and insulting their hair is a bit rude even in Dutch culture.

Super leuke video. Heb er echt om kunnen lachen. Ga zo door!! 😊👍🏼

When I studied abroad I had to do a group assignment with people from all over. I, as a Dutchie, would point out what I thought was wrong/ inaccurate in what group members had written for an assignment and how I thought they could improve it. People perceived it as me being rude when I just meant to give notes in order for us all to hand in a better assignment. Prime example of this Dutch directness hahaha.

My parents taught me to be more direct when I was a little kid. I was more like an american, wanted to be kind, scared of what others would think of my opinion. The kids in my class were very direct and they could be very mean towards me. So my parent told me “laat ze niet over je heenlopen” or stand up for yourself. So from then I was more direct too so they wouldn’t treat me as that kid who is too scared to say something

I think we learn the directness as children just by picking up others' behavior. I think a good example of the directness is when giving a gift. When someone is giving you a gift it is not uncommon for them to tell you they saved the receipt so you can return it if you don’t like it. I think it is small actions like these that encourage us to be direct. This has backfired for me a couple times when I was younger because I told someone I didn’t like the gift they gave me and they couldn’t return it. My mom yelled at me after for being rude lol.

The funny thing is that I always hear "the dutch are so direct!" and I am like, how? We are not... And when I saw this video, I was like "oooooohh so that is not normal to them... It is not normal to say your honest opinion even if it isn't nice". The funny thing is, is that I was tought not to lie, and when someone asks "he, what do you think of my new dress?" and I think it's really ugly, I'll say "I don't think it's nice, otherwise I'd be lying (don't know how to write that)". Anyways, I like your videos and they teach me a lot!

Hiya. I'm a Dutch kleuterklas juf. So I teach the ages 4 to 7. And what i and a lot of other teachers teach our kids is to be more zelfstandig and take control of the situation. Like as simple as telling another kid how they feel about something or a thing the other kid is doing. Also we teach ofcourse about social rules and we push the kids to correct each other. That way they feel more responsible for their actions and how it effects others. The kids are taught to be open. That way we can learn from each other. Ofcourse this is what I see in schools around me.

From the moment you go to school your taught to say what you think. Seriously people are constantly telling you:” Say what you want, tell us what u feel we cant smell what you think”. We Dutch raised to talk, are raised to stand for what you want and what you don’t want and we learn where the edge lies simply by asking. The world should start talking more would solve a lot of hate based problems. We Dutch are far from perfect but are directness is one of the things we managed to do right. Its a absolute blessing to be able to say whatever the hecc your thinking makes talking about hard things ect much easier.

About when we learn to be direct: It is shown through example. If everyone around you constantly does things a certain way, you will imitate as a child. Our practicality is so ingrained that it is never taught.

I Think this already happens in elementary school in the netherlands, at my school they had intermediaries that you had to talk with if u were mad at somebody from your class or someone you met on the schoolyard. So then the intermediaries askes us why we where mad and we had to tell the truth, it was not about being kind again but just making it up with each other.. so it could be that you were still a bit mad afterwards but you did talk it out with somebody and told what bothers u... That was one of my first experiences with it :)) Love ur videos btw!

Hi, I am a parent of two kids. One is 6, one is 9. We teach them from the moment they can talk. The reason behind it is multiple. If your kid is in pain and the only way to find out is by having them tell it to you it can become vital that they don’t bullshit about it. Where does it hurt and how “big” is the pain? Kids in school (age 3/4) are thought in the first year of primary school a phrase. “Stop hou op! Dat wil ik niet”. This means “Stop it, I don’t want you to do that”. It is intended to tell bullies that they need to stop bullying. It is intended to make kids confident enough to speak out for themselves that they do not like the behaviour of bullies and the bullies learn that the behaviour is unacceptable. At that moment in time they lay the foundations for “feedback”, which should not be confused for “critique”. Feedback is constructive. So after the words “Stop hou op”, teachers encourage the kids to tell the bullies what to do and how. That is basically the foundation of it all and it is carried forward in other stuff while growing up. Hope that made sense.

Even though I am an American and was raised how Joey explained, I find that people in my family are a bit more direct. However, we still use polite directness.

ik vind jouw videos zo leuk :)) blijf zo door gaan! (keep it up)

The source of this is that Dutch culture value honesty higher then politeness, American culture value politeness more. It is indeed how we are brought up, but not a decisive moment we can say at a certain age we do teach them this way.

When you have a argument your parents will be like ‘if you don’t say what you mean/feel, how are they gonna know that there doing something you don’t like.’

In the dutch way ,being honest is the best way of being nice to someone else, because actually you are saying"honey you don't need to pretend,we like you for who you are,not for who you need us to believe that you are." It is ok to have flaws,accept them,as we all have flaws, it doesn't make one better over the other,just simply different than the next one. We as dutch people are embossed by the sense that our "uniqueness" lays within the person instead of searching for it's validation from the outside world.

The directness is different from place to place, like amsterdam/randstad is much more direct than de achterhoek for example

Its the example of your parents that does the job, as in words like: of you dont want to do that, say it! Its your friend, be honest! And my three little boys were born with directness! So... Cultural and natural in my case...🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ Love the video! Stop the voices! Your own voice is enough allready 😂 for real, your voice is nice to listen to.

My mom used to tell me when I was about 8 years old to stand up for myself and own opinions! I still do and glad she got to teach me that.

Joey! This video made me laugh so much-can truly relate. As some people already mentioned, I do think there's a difference between (a) being honest about how you feel and giving your honest opinion when asked, and (b) giving your unwanted opinion about something that doesn't concern you/is none of your business. In the NLs the line between these two things may be a bit blurred. While I love the former aspect I detest the latter. Keep up the amazing work and hope to see you sooooon!

When I was bullied in school when I was like 10, my dad straight up told me to punch the bully in the face because it would sent a better message than talking to him at that age he said. Then he proceeded to tell me the story of him putting a bike lock around his bully's neck and locked him on the bikeracks when he was a teen. Not out of anger or anything, and when the janitor come asking in the classrooms for the key he calmly handed it to him. My dad's literally the most decent articulate guy ever so I thought this would fit well into the direct category lol.

I live in Belgium (quite close to the border with the netherlands) and it’s funny because there is such a big difference between my belgian friends and my dutch friends when it comes to being direct. I’m part dutch and I definetly got the directness from that wich often results in me offending some of my belgian friends. What I like about that directness is that I know for sure when I ask my dutch friends for their opinions, they will tell me the truth so if they say they like something I know they really do!