The hardest is when they convince the kids that the victim parent is the toxic one

People wouldn’t understand unless they’ve been throguh it

I've taken in literally hundreds of hours of narcissism content on KZfaq and I've read three books on it now. And I've done all of this with a heavy critical lens on myself because my nex called me a narcissist, and I wanted to sort myself out. But I have learned that she is the narcissist and a severe one at that. And yet every time I come across content like this, I am struck with self-doubt and have to re-experience the pain again as I recognize these behaviors in her and see the damages in me. Especially when she checks EVERY SINGLE BOX. It is unreal how thoroughly they manipulate and gaslight until you doubt reality entirely. Thank you for your content and for what you do.

They puppet you. When looking deep you realize that every interaction you ever had with them was them soliciting a reaction out of you even if it didn't seem bad. Every little question they ask seems to have an obvious answer. What helped me the most was to realize this was truly a pathologically dishonest person that craves conflict like a heroin needle. It helps us stop reacting.

As if their true passion is art of deception. And they put all in on that: creating an illusion.

OMG! Michele! You are the ONLY one who can articulate this kind of abuse so clearly! I feel everything that you've said in this video to my very core. My mother is the main narc and has turned EVERYONE in the family against me. It is horrible. My mental health has spiraled beyond words. Thank you for all that you do! I appreciate you beyond words! May God bless you!

i just got a little triggered when you talked about them ramping you up. Idk how many times my ex would be a completes a hole on the drive to a place and putting me i to a horrible mood just for her to immediately switch from being angry to completely happy and kind to others, while i was still really upset and people would be like why is he always in a bad mood?? She could switch it off so quick it was mind boggling

Honestly, just hearing this is refueling me with rage all over again. Not because of Michele, but because of how much of what she's saying is actually true...

OMG get rid of these people...family or not You do not deserve this ABUSE!

I am a professional woman and was in a relationship with a narcissist for 7 years, knew nothing about this personality. I am and feel much better, but this kind of thing happened a lot. I was shocked to discover that this kind of person exists.

They love to set people up so they can scream at them knowing it will make them feel horrible and destroy their self esteem. My mother once put biscuits in the oven on a cookie sheet and cranked the oven to 400 degrees, then proceeded to carry a load of clothes downstairs ( without telling me or my father about the biscuits ) And just liked she planned, she came upstairs right on cue ( knowing full well that the biscuits would be burnt to hell ) opened the oven door and grabbed it and SLAMMED it shut and screamed at us ~ " GOD DAMN IT !!!!!!!!! YOUR BOTH UP HERE AND YOU DON'T EVEN SEE THIS BURNING !!! IT'S ALL RUINED!! LOOK AT IT!!! . Its All part of there plan, to frazzle your nerves, destroy your resolve, and wreck your evening. And then i wonder why I have such PTSD

They constantly PROJECT who they are, onto you. And they will have EVERYONE convinced. This can go so far, its inscrutable. Convince law enforcement, psychologists, psychiatrists, YOUR friends, wife/husband, coaches, teachers etc. everyone in their web. And you WILL lose. (Although certain levels of this behavior becomes narcissistic sociopathy/psychopathy. It’s not just NPD anymore.)

It's so funny that so often I will experience a certain type of abuse and then without even looking it up , it appears in my feed , either its the world spirit looking out for me or youtubes listening algorithm is doing double time 😮😮😮

I just want to say I am guilty of sending long horrible abusive messages. I was toxic. I use to express to my x girlfriend how much she was hurting me. I was never trying to hurt her in any kind of way. I used to beg her to be more consistent. She became snarky and mean and was not willing to listen to me. I had to block her because needed to get my head together. I felt like I was the problem.. and the more I tried to fix it the more mean she became. I have to get counseling to rebuild my mental health. Thanks for your content. It helps.

This video is confirmation on how these learned behaviours are passed down through generations. It makes one think it's a monumental curse that can not be overcome.

11yrs of relationships and I'm just now learning why I keep attracting the same personalities. Always ends with me maintaining the relationship on my own until I leave because I realize they're working on a new supply.

My sister has done the ( attack in the car drive ) to my brother in law for years. But he'll never leave her because he cares to much about image and not wanting to be alone. It sad to se him today, so anxious, submissive. Total learned helplessness.

Please love yourself enough to choose better people. Better environment. ❤ . Nothing is worth more than a peace of mind.

12 years married to this covert, manipulative monster. I'm drained and currently going through a divorce

I’m always reacting because of them I never felt safe around these people

I had a bad day and they had been giving me hell in the van on the way to the store and I wanted to go home and begged for them to take me home and they were like yeah right. So I entered the store kind of out of the it and was just like wanting to get my stuff done. But then there was a man who saw me and called me over and told me that I was so beautiful and did I know how beautiful I was. I was so grateful for him at that moment. He asked how I kept going with such a beautiful smile. I believe I was touched by an angel that day for sure!!

I did the fawn response for years ~ Brought in wood, kept the fire going ~ Split Wood ~ Washed loads of clothes ~ Cleaned bathrooms ~ cleaned litter pans Ect... Made dinner once and was made to feel bad about myself because my mothers NPD took it the wrong way ~ She thought i was trying to show her up rather than helping her to have an easy life. Never forget the time I shut a pan off on the stove because it was burning and she was unaware of it. Her response ~ WELL, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE BY NOW!!!!! IF YOU DIDN'T TOUCH IT !!!!!

This is beyond True! So happy you connected all the dots for me. My Sweet Mother's nickname all her life was "Doe" (true to her inherent nature). She was ALWAYS a magnet to the worst of these creatures. I witnessed it my entire life. She passed so very early in life never understanding why everyone was so harsh and projecting themselves on her. I am and have always been an extension of her because I valued her so very much. Her innocence and sweetness that I so admired. So my life turned out just like hers bc the same people were around me also. Doe & Fawn connects it all. Thank You so very much for this healing!

I just recently found your videos. I feel like you've been watching scenes from my life with my narcissist wife of 25 years. You're spot on with your observations. For years, I didn't know what was wrong. I could never fix the problems we had. I am finding out there was never a way to fix things. 25 years later, I'm angry and bitter.

Crazy mixed up nonsense. My former BF screamed at me over the smallest things. His "therapist" (that he paid a shit ton of money and never called him out on his bad/rude behavior because why kill the golden goose's) convinced him I was a "covert narcissist" Ridiculous that someone gives them selves permission to scream and treat others like garbage. I treat others with kindness and respect and he would flip out over anything--losing his glasses, another driver, some server...but I'm the covert narcissist?? Nope.

After all I studied and heard from therapist about narcissist. I attempted to share it with her to improve our relationship. All she said was I'm the narcissist and need help. Those people look crazy. 😂

The covert narc who was in my life with someone who I thought was my best friend and who later became my boss. Turned a beautiful job into a living hell for almost 2 years. Now I'm breaking free of the programming. Thank you for this video.

This video was extremely eye opening, you stated this incredibly well and it's a very hard thing to explain. I will be re-watching this one, thank you so much.

When I'm doing well, there is a large portion of my family that seems to hate me, but when I'm doing bad, there is a large portion of my family that seems to love me. It overlaps. It's confusing.

Yes, it’s called the projective identification process. Where they feel something and then they provoke it in you to get you to identify with it and then watch you play out the projection.

It's all transparent to me now! Thank you Michelle! They are not transparent with everything.

I have experienced this. My response to it was to not respond, as it was pretty hurtful and devastating to hear someone say that they talked to my friends behind my back and turned them against me. It's crazy making. My friends have known me for 50 years. They are not going to turn against me for someone who just came into my life in the last few months.

"No one in the family likes you. I should have listened to all of them. Without me, you will have no one. You don't even have any friends anymore, the girl you like so much lives in another state and has mental issues. You are going to be all alone". .... moved out that night on impulse, and alone in my motel room feel happy and soooo0o0o peaceful lol

Yes i am there now gaslighting flying monkeys have lost everything in my life that is me that is probablem . So broken and alone .

We went to therapy and her opening line was ‘we don’t have issues, anything that cause issues comes from (his) childhood trauma’. They’ll use even your deepest hurts to deflect from their issues and keep you stuck in trauma bond cycle!

24 years of this and I only started to see the truth in the past couple years. I'm out now but I'm worried I'll just be the same with anyone else.

That was so helpful. The hardest thing for me to move past has been other peoples perceptions/judgements of me, there are people who I've barely met (friends of the narcissistic family members) who's vibe of disapproval is so strong that it's palpable. It's cost me extended family and acquaintances where I grew up. I moved country so managed to keep my real friends well away from the family, so they see me for who I truly am.

My wife has turned into my father. This past weekend, I stood up for myself because I was done tolerating. It's bizarre to me how easily she decides to start in on me. I stay quiet and listen. Next thing you know, I'm apologizing about something that I know isn't true. She tells me the thoughts I'm thinking and she's mad at me for it. She keeps projecting her thoughts on to me and it's not what I'm thinking at all. I tried explaining that she's projecting on to me. Then she yelled at me because she said I called ger abusive. That word never left my mouth. Then she told me to stop playing the victim. She has stage IV breast cancer. I feel I can't fight back because of thus and I don't want her to be upset.

Michelle great content. Every thing you said in this one is my life story of 32 years with a High Conflict toxic Covert Narcissistic wife & her mother. ********** I watched myself change and found that I was always outgunned by my narcissistic wife. I watched myself devolve through the years and found myself lost in a nightmare for years. Prior to meeting her I was a calm levelheaded person, then one day I found myself stuck as you said; emotionally struggling & found myself turned in to Grizzly at times when I got fed up with the abuse. Caused me to develop migraines because that toxic behavior went against my true nature. I could not reconcile that behavior with my true nature. Messed my mind up and I paid for it; emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. She always knew when to push a button. She would ruin social events and people would see me struggling and reacting. She played me like a fiddle every time. Narcissist are diabolical. She always knew how to make me look like the one who was the abuser in our relationship. I was not able to convince people to see her, even after the marriage ended. She moved on quickly, and I’m still picking up my “Humpty-Dumpty Shells” that got scattered everywhere by her. This is something else; relearning to bring my CPTSD and Nervous System under control for 5 years now. She moved on quickly to new relationships, and I’m still seeking to recover. This is so unfair. 😞

Woww!! The way that you talk about narcissist & healing from the trauma bond bring really a perspective who's rarely share about it. Thanks for your sharing !

Very resonating Michelle. Thank you for such an accurate description of such experience with a Cluster B $hit $how of a person.

This is dynamite material it is extremely helpful. I think the opposite is also true. People who have unconsciously chosen the puerile, bad tool of codependency (when in the stage of human growth as a child or baby) now feel relief and knowing that oh I’m not abusive they are. Or oh I’m not exploitative they are or oh I’m not controlling they are. And I think that that gives some kind of unhealthy relief to the codependent person thinking that somehow they are OK because they are trying to tolerate abuse or neglect rather than perpetrating it

Thank you for validating me today. I've lost my husband and along w our friend group bc I finally stepped away. He became the victim and me the bad guy and I didn't understand what happened and was questioning my own sanity. Everything you said made so much sense. Thank you. Thank you.

I actually broke down halfway through this video, sobbing inconsolably. The accuracy with which this described things I was going through (actually, still am going through) that I didn't even know were happening... has really floored me. An incredible thank you for making this for all of us. I'm in the middle of separating myself from a narcissistic relationship... it took me forever to be able to even get to this point of saying that that's the case, but I guess better late than never (7 years). However, I will have to physically live with my now ex of almost 6 years for another 4 months or so due to our circumstances. Beyond any of the financial chaos he's caused me, or the lying or the cheating, or the constant passive-aggressive invalidation of almost every positive emotion I've had for the last four or five years especially...I still love him, and I hate that. I understand it's not healthy to love him, and I found *some* strength to start the separation process, but I don't know how to disentangle myself fully. I feel so broken, ashamed, alone, betrayed. I recently learned about betrayal trauma as well, and it also made me gasp. But like you said, learning about these things until the cows come home doesn't solve everything. I'm so privileged to be able to even know these things thanks to videos like this. I don't know how people who were in these situations before the internet existed even survived before, because I'm barely hanging on now even with all this (virtual) help (and luckily, a supportive family, which I realize not everyone had especially people who are prone to being victims of narcissists). Anyway, sorry for rambling... I wish I could dump my whole story here, but I need to be respectful. I guess my hope is that what other people can get from my comments are two things: 1) thank you so much for this video and the excellent advice... I'm working hard on taking it to heart, and I hope others will as well, and 2) I hope that my story reaches people that need a final "push" to make the decision to leave the narcissist or cut them out ofyour life or take care of yourself however you have to. It's never too late, and the time Wasn't WASTED, it was spent growing stronger. Take what you have remaining of the future and run with it. The narcissist chose you because you are beautiful; you can find that beauty again without them in your life, and in fact, it will be more beautiful than you could have ever hoped. Cheers everyone.

What I love about your videos, is that you go beyond identifying narcissism and their tactics, and how to respond; to describe the effects of narcissism on your mind and body and how to cope with that. There is a lot of content on the other parts, but you go beyond that. This has been more valuable to me than you can imagine.

Thank you so much you're teaching is so incredible this is explained so well and clearly really thank you so so much because I'm from a narcissistic family system too and I feel like I've been marinated in it and I hate it

I can't believe what you are saying. This is my life. My mom and two daughters have treated me with such destain. I used to so kind, giving, still am, however knowing this is happening and I might be able to heal... man, you are speaking to me personally. Thank you Michelle

Exactly what i am going through right now They know very well who to do it with..there victims are often soft hearted and good people ..they choose there victims.

In case no one’s heard of this it’s called dog whistle, I’ve had that played on me as well. Thanks to another life coach who did a video about this 🥰🥰🥰

Thank you for this accurate description and such clear Truth. They use those exact words and tactics. It is horrible.

I broke free but the mental after effects are causing problems

You are genius in this field of info. No one talked about how to fix the damage like you talk. ❤ Also i am glad that your sound and video improved. Thank you. And again... You r the only one person who talk about this topic like this. Exit and healing is explained.

😢 Omg thank you, Thank you for posting this. This is my life with Mom, and few others, but I was pretty numb or indifferent & hyper vigliant by the time new parties tried doing it too.

Thank you Michelle for putting all this together for us I am glad to finally be on a path to healing with people who understand what I've been through and know how to help!

This hits me so hard....I wish I knew at the time! 💔

Since I was made out to be the problem I solved the problem and moved away and went no contact. I guess I’m just a troublemaker 😊

💯 Especially when they've built a case that you're the inept/deficiencient one and they're the sun,moon and stars. Eventually, the child will look at you the same way. How do I know? Lots of experience. :(

This is hitting the nail on the head for me. And not by only understanding the narcissist in a cognitive way. You describing the intent, the goodwill, indeed going in the relationship when the little devalution started, and being used to regulate the emotions of my ex and tried my upmost best and took un afwul amount toxicity.. And tried to talk about it. Make her see this was not ok for me. That never worked. And the whole trajectory and proces into reactive abuse is just hitting home. Its mind blowing and so hard to comprehend how your 'loved one' could do such a thing. It is truly traumatic. Lucky to have a therapist with knowlegde and were going to start EMDR. Just want to say to keep up the good work. Saved this vid for rewatching. And that your work and the way you do it has its own place and own right and is helpfull between all the other videos on narcissistic abuse. Keep up the good work 🙏 and a good healing journey to all!!

Thank you so much for exposing this!

All my education regarding the narcissist is paying off. Thanks to you Michell and others like you I finally know how to deal and cope. I only have 1 in my life now and that’s going to end sometime in the future. Someone I know has a wife who displays every behavior so I do what’s necessary since I’m roommateing with them. Right on and please keep the videos coming 🥰🥰

Thank you so much for explaining this.

Thank you for putting all the infos out there. It helps me a lot. You're explaining the issues so clearly and with good examples. A lot of what you say resonates with my experience. Breathwork actually helped me to release a lot of supressed feelings, get over this numbness and overacting and to show real emotions again.

You are such a beautiful and amazing person Michelle, my eyes are teary as I am writing my gratitude to you. You have the most beautiful light, may the universe keeps blessings you, much love ❤

"It's almost a game to them to see how quickly they can get you to explore. " I don't need to watch any more videos. 3 is pretty good.

I've never heard of fawn response. Thank you for this video. It's so enlightening!

Wow Michele this narrative is the clearest most potent one I have seen so far. I cannot count the number of times I’ve experienced this hamster wheel madness. All clear now! Thank you 🙏🏻

💯Gonna KEEP walking, Till we get through this 😇

That's what I am. Stuck in a fawn response. 😢

This is perfect topic for me, my partner always twisting things around to make me feel i am closed minded!

Spot on, being pushed and pushed becuse they have learnt about what pushes your buttons until you react in any way mine was usaully talking to the person to try and get to the bottom of what was going on speaking about what the other persons actions trying to get your reaction is even wrong your wrong nasty or whatever, my ex had a way to not be shouty but use to say things in a nice calm matter but the things she said if id said the same things to her they would be nasty in my mind its great how the change the narrative to suit them being the victim.

Spot on with this tutorial Michelle 👏

'Narcissism is an absolutely diabolical life choice. Just like a criminal who works hard at their craft yet wouldnt do anything legitimately earned. I tried to stress this point with a future faker. Funny thing is she was successful in her line of work for awhile. But the methodology of leaving bad feelings, many used men and colleagues that compete yet combine to make a sale. Multiple clients in vulnerability. Now it seems the volume is down from images not seen. (cryptic on purpose ) The world is seen as a no sum game. Do anything to achieve goal with no real regards to tomorrow. Immediate gratification is all consuming. So as we contemplate what staying in a toxic situation both wittingly and unwittingly does to ourselves, these deep dives into self will succeed. The disordered are for life. No known recovered narcissists out there. it may only be our opinion but self care requires you to trust your opinion. That day does come.The feeling overjoys then becomes routine. Success.

Now it is time for holiday season! Probably the “best time” of the year is the “worst time” of the year! I had to go home to see my family and the time of the year I become the “bad one” seeing my family act and seeing the flying monkeys being fooled.

The problem is that everyone thinks: my partner is the toxic one, not me. He/she is the narcissist, not me.

Wow!!!,my family does the react 1 all the time/then they freak out because theyre wrong/theyre disabled for being risponisible.

Yessss!

I know what its like hearing some1 shoot a gun from being the car/no1 has a gun in the car.

Since I was the youngest in my family and the scapegoat I now understand about the pecking order in hen house 😬

...I DESERVE AN APOLOGY!!!..." AT LEAST"!!!.....RIGHT?...

So well articulated Michele. I wish I knew this years ago when I was on the narcissist’s hamster wheel

You couldn't have said this monologue any better!!😅

Thank you for the clear explanation of reactive abuse. Very helpful!

Narcissist therapist did this to me for years.

Fawn response is a new term for me. Very interesting and enlightening.

Excellent 👌🏼👍🏼

Exactly! Thank you!

So true 😢

Thank you❤ Spot on ✅

Every word you’ve said is on point 👍👍🥰🥰

This is a great video. It's given me some things to think about.

This is your best video yet, @Michele! Would love to see you do a series on borderline PD.

This is soo helpful. Do you know why someone is more likely to choose to traumatize you in a relationship versus others? For example, 1 specific sibling out of 4

Yup I got all that 👍

12:25 TRIGGERED!!!!!! 😬😬😬🤣🤣🤣

💥so.spot.on

Pendayhoe,it used the adhd and tried to do it/then every1 vitrue signalled they cared/when they did it. It wanted me to cry. It calling every1 evil is projection for this.

You are absolutely right. My advice is to really really really know how narcissist work. Then all you have to do will fall into place. Maybe some minimal help is needed.

I’ve been in relationship over 21 years with a covert narcissist ragaholic

I have a loving dog,but Im not allowed to have him,...my sister dognapped him

8:45