The scariest part is when you see it, but you don't leave!

I remember a particular narcissistic person putting on a victim posture, shoulders dropped " give me love" body language. Once he felt I was locked in he changed immediately which shocked me because I was under the impression he was on his way to being a better person. I don't fall for the croc tears and fake posture anymore. I see actions and facts.

After 32 years of marriage, I finally got to see the monster, so did Karma. His cancer spread and he passed away a year ago at 63 years old. His legacy is deception and betrayals, but I am now free to enjoy a real life and take care of myself

I always felt imitated by my "best" NPD friend - unill I saw behind her mask. The game is over now.

The loner is a type that remains largely unchanged by a narc attack. They didnt like people before and preferred to spend time alone. They were taken advantage of by a narc. They continued to live largely away from others which was their preferred way of being.

Take your time, the mimicry and mirrors only work for awhile. They can’t fake it forever.

If you had any doubts before that you were/are with a narcissist, this video clears that up. This content helped me a lot. No more justifications!! Perfect Sam! Thank you!

Towards the end of a relationship when the victim wakes up. the victims deploy defensive mimicry as they plan their get away. They pretend to still be in love

Prof. Vaknin has the most in-depth understanding of narcissism of any professional I've encountered on KZfaq. Being a self-aware former narc. has really given him a up close and personal life changing perspective that he shares with us today.

I listened to this video in the morning. Later that day man from online dating responded to my profile writing about how he shared all of my interests...he even stole one of my jokes and had it in his profile. I get a strong feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was a narcissist. I may not have sensed that without hearing this video. Thank you Sam I think I dodged a bullet.

I had a fake lover and a best friend for over more than 15 years and she turned out to be a compulsive liar without any empathy. Con artist. The rage I have felt from her jealousy made my whole world turned upside down. It felt she wanted to destroy me, because I was healing from codependency. Now I see those fakers everywhere, because I recognize the energy they put off... I trust nobody and it makes me very very sad. But I know I will trust as soon I am healed. Many lessons to learn, started from childhood. Take care everyone❤

A frighteningly perceptive and stark explanation and warning. Thank you Professor Vaknin.

Thank you Prof. Sam. This was explained so well. People do go through changes after marriage but, when you say "your not the same person I married" you ain't kidding! Because he was mimicking me. He would even say.. are you sure we are not related? We are so much alike. Now I see the predator. I also see all the lies he told me about his previous marriage and his relationship with his sons. They were the bad ones...sick. We are proceeding with a divorce now. Thank goodness I didn't have too many years with him because I know he would have sucked the life out of me....parasite. All of your videos are so clear and precise thank you.

I have a light form of autism and sometimes have trouble understanding what people are going through emotionally. It's not like I don't have feelings for others but those feelings are out of sync with others. So when they are sad I might not be or when they are happy I might not be. This is caused by mind blindness. Because I don't know when others are sad I can't share their sorrow with them. I can feel sad for them after the fact. Because of this time lapse between me and others I feel confused when others are crying. To cope with this problem I have learned to cry with others not by understanding why they are crying as they do it but rather by focusing on something I find sad to the point of tears while the other person is crying. So I may be crying about childhood abuse I experienced while my friend is crying over a dead dog or cat. By doing this I can emphasize and share an emotional experience with my friends even if I fail to understand why they were sad. In this way I learn to match my feelings where my thoughts don't match. It's my understanding that Sam Vaknin has been diagnosed with narcicicism. Clearly he is very intelligent and very self aware for someone plagued by a lack of empathy. I wonder if he would take up the challenge of trying to use his own joyful and sorrowful memories as a means of feeling joy and sorrow at the same time as others so as to get into the habit of feelings joy when others are happy and feeling sorrow when others feel sorrow. I wonder if this could be a working method to help those lacking empathy to get into the habit of functionally caring for others even if they can't relate to other people's emotions. If only a narcissist could meet the challenge of trying to achieve control by finding victory over his or her own emotions instead of trying to control other people's emotions. If a person lacking empathy could learn to focus on self pity every time someone else was sad then perhaps he or she could learn to automatically (by habit) learn to experience sorrow with others. I'm not saying it's a perfect cure but perhaps it's the best a narcissist can ever hope for. People like me with autism are different from those who lack empathy but we are mind blind and out of step with others on an emotional level. But perhaps my issues have led me to meet the challenge of meeting others halfway emotionally even though my methods are different. It's really too bad that narcissists with all their intelligence and power refuse to perfect themselves and fail to see the point of relating to others by the art of emotional self mastery. Frankĺy the rewards are more self gratifying than wasting time calculating how to outwit everyone around you. There is deep self fulfillment and satisfaction when your emotions are in sync with others regardless of the reasons why you feel the way you do. The travesty of narcissism is that in their obcession to outwit the "stupid sheep" to get an easy meal they themselves miss out on the emotional banquet and feast that could have been theirs had they learned that the prey has more value when cared for and valued rather than abused. A living sheep will give you warm wool for the rest of it's life and breed to increase the flock while the dead one only gives you one meal and one sheepskin. How sad that narcissists cheat themselves by cheating others!

Sam is right about the ancients understanding the traits of narcissists. When you study how much they did, especially in literature and fairy tales, it is very interesting.

The narc I was engaged with initially used defensive mimicry. He presented himself as a monster, an evil person who has wronged and harmed people. This was followed, of course, by a confession that he felt remorse and that he had done many mistakes in his life. This lasted a couple of days. Then, he triumphantly proceeded to employing aggressive mimicry presenting himself the way you thoroughly described. A weak person, scared of falling in love, in need of affection and the typical lovebombing expresions ("Only you make me feel good", "I've never felt like this before" and so on and so forth. Obviously, discard was inevitable in his mind. Devaluation followed with a complete shift in his behaviour. All confessions stopped abruptly and withholding of even the slightest feelings was prevailing our interaction. Thank you for enlightening us. Being a codependent/borderline, I feel blessed that the minute I started interacting with this person I discovered your channel and knew from the beginning where it would lead me. The end and the pain is inevitable. Good luck to everyone interacting with narcs (including myself). Thank you again, Professor.

Again ...i see how i was a devoured by my predator....what a long swim....i must heal my traumas...if possible...

It is so. Most of us people experience fear to know of This macabre dance in life, but in fact to be equipped whit this information is crucial to develop a healthy inmune system I guess. Thanks for sharing professor

This man is a genius. This is a revelation

Oh my goodness!!! It is such a revelation of the entire mechanism of deception. You explain it in such a meticulous way! Thank you so very much, prof. Vaknin. You are such a help.

"Inhuman"...perfect description !!

at one point the sight of the narcissist induced me nausea and vomiting

Yes, I'm the middle sister between two narcissistic sisters, older overt, younger covert. The narc is the ultimate actor. Overt older sister was so hatefully aggressive towards me that I trusted my "sweet, dotty" younger sister to be my best friend and I adored her. After [too much] time I came to realise however that what I thought was the caring, black-velvet drinking-in of my talk wherein I was seeking real help (through her empathy & understanding of my situation) to deal with the outrageous aggression of the older sister was actually blatantly outrageous mere cold observation of me so she could use it to copy in building her Persona, her outward mask-self! I was trying to gain sisterly support through the trauma of being the butt of older sister's aggression and I thought I was getting it, only to realise the hideous truth decades later. Covert Ns being so hard to spot.

You’re awesome. Thanks so much for your work. It is outstanding.

Very succinct observations. I appreciate this video so much. You helped put the final nail in the coffin, im owning up to my ignorance and leaving my narc. Just need to finalise my exit plan. I have no job and no money, basically he now has the house job and money that i had when we met and he was the penniless one. And to think i wanted us both to be successful now we've only swopped roles 😢

Defensive Mimicky: The narcissist constantly, "I can make anything happen, I'm GOD." Me after listening to this for a couple days, "Can we talk about how magical I am?" They have very low self-awareness, pointing out their grandiosity in a passive/aggressive way is a coping mechanism. They have no idea you are mimicking what they are doing and they think you are crazy for saying you are magical yet they see no issue with seeing themselves as GOD. They truly believe they are GOD.

There are many different species among the human race!! We are not all the same, not even similar! That makes so much sense!!

Such an interesting video, I went through the defensive/protective and uninteresting mimicry with a narc the last 2 months. All of this is so true. It was in my nature to react in that way I wasn’t doing it on purpose. It’s so interesting to learn about this and put words to what happened with him and inside of me. Luckily I got out completely unscathed and now know all the signs. I will consider my time spent with that person as a case study. Despite spending a lot of time with him I never got emotionally involved… something in me knew he was off and I watched him closely since our first date. I remember he was even making comments about how much I was watching him. Thank you for this information!!

It's like a dog...a dog barks when it feels intimidated...same as a narc, they become loud and disruptive like a dog. All bark, no bite.

Thank you Professor Vaknin , that was very interesting. Now it makes sense when the predator gradually takes over and subtly invades every area of a victims life and then seems to becomes them , thats what they are doing . I have seen this , the predator seems to have turned into the prey and like a cuckoo takes over their nest completely. Mimicky, fascinating , and so subtle . One definitely does not see it coming . Plus its very creepy . Thank you for explaining this .

yes exactly that's what she did to win over all my children! but to try to remove me forever to poison me and I believe to try as she said to make me goe crazy! But Thank God I'm okay! I could not talk or walk for six months!

I Totally agrred! They are “ entitys “! That’s for sure! Evil Entitys.

Wow! This is the most discriptive explanation and information about molevolent people I have ever heard! To know this is the Armor of God! Thank you for the information sir!

My brother was stalked, mimicked and ultimately murdered by a Predator. A Black Hole of a Woman. She tricked him into making her the beneficiary of his Pension then proceeded to Murder him. She even bought the same exact car that he owned. It was bone chilling Scary. She played the victim and manipulated the entire family into thinking she was a sweet woman. God sees everything. She got fired from her job after he was killed. Karma has more in store for her. This is important information. It's complicated and very real. Psychopaths walk among us. Pay attention to the company you keep.

This was like listening to a scary story thats real and amongst us. The middle of the conversation frustrated me so much cause i was insnared the same exact way and i was so gullible. Part of me felt jealousy and loss still thinking how my ex is doing this to the next victim all while portraying herself as one. It hurts still, still withdrawing from it, and at the same time im glad its over. Seeing that she had no intentions of being real with me or even the next person. Its wild to acknowledge the Chaos i was apart of.

Thank you for the insight. It's amazing the lengths they go to for their incidious needs. 😊

Thank you for this video. It helped straighten out some of the confusion I was still having. ❤

Excellent video! ❤️ Thank you

Porf.Vaknin i thank you so much i wish that i had a professors like you when i was in school you teach so beautifully ❤ be blessed Master teacher 🙏🏾

I watched a nature video about tree ants. A spider lived amongst the nest. The spider looked and had the same smell as the ants. The difference was the false ant had eight legs. The predator was ignored by the ants. Until it was dinner time🤔

The nex has a former friend divorcing her 'boring' husband - she has two school age kids - he convinced her how I abused him and what an awful person I was!!!

This is Huge!!! HUGE!!! Thanks, Doctor Sam! You've very convincingly confirmed the disgusting truth about some inhuman pile o' filth that I did manage to figure out myself ... hopefully, not too late. But, indications are not very encouraging. Thank You again for all you do! ~TD, Boston (the Model)

The serpent in the garden that everyone overlooks

I've had way too much experience with these people. I had one in a romantic relationship. I think the main take away is to not let their damage fool you into thinking that EVERYONE is like them. But be on the lookout for telltale signs: snobbery, being jerks to service workers or anyone 'lower' status. A focus on looks and aesthetics, but also phony virtue signalling. Also, take a look at the people they have hurt, or broken relationships. Also they will attempt to manipulate, gaslight, and abuse, but if it gets to that point you've already missed the early signs. Even so, there is only one solution. Get out while minimizing drama, cut out, and don't look back. These people are incapable of change. I have had 2 bosses and 1 relationship. These people are awful and corrosive, but you won't see it while as much while you are in it. They can damage you permanently.

Wow! Glad I stopped to watch this video. The dynamics of the predator/prey analogy are pretty fascinating. My “firewall” is up, & I try to not put myself in that vulnerable position again.

One covert malignant narc, a male, described his tactic of getting women as taking the toe-in-the-sand stance, or what could be described as shy or at least non-threatening. He was very successful with that.

I love you Sam Vaknin. It's OK. It's healthy

You are taking about all governments too

I feel so bad thinking such bad things about another person, especially if I’m wrong

If you want to understand a narcissist or psychopath, just watch some documentaries about wild animals because both are acting on survival instincts. It's all so primitive.

Prof Sam Vaknin you are a genius who is enjoying revealing the most elusive secrets of human behaviour. Very sharp intelligence very penetrating observation and an intuitive connecting of dots. Thankyou listening to you is life changing.

Another masterpiece...thank you❤

You did a very good job in this video, well done. I learned and enjoyed the way you explained it.

I keep coming back to this video. It is so thorough.

Brilliant explanation as always!!! 🎉🎉 Thanks 😊

Im absolutely in shock with this revelations😱 we're talking about catastrophic consequencies for the human natural selection. Its scary🤯

They are predators. Facts! Until you figure it out. Snakes everywhere

I've watched many vids on narcissists... this guys pretty good. To me it's the classic good and evil story, predator and prey, he even mentioned Darwinism, survival of the fittest... spot on.

Spot on as usual. Thanks Sam.

Thank you for this! ❤

Amazing take, I’m impressed

Planet of the Apes rings a bell in reference too this message for me

I'm 45 mins in, omg u got it all to a tee, would any of you send it to your ex to try help them understand themselves, it ticks all the boxes,maybe not, they would try do more damage, but I'm so tempted

This is very true .

29:30 this is why you cannot win you either escape and move on or their genie in a bottle , adopting them as Master.

So this is similar to a covert narcissist becoming a minister or preacher.

This right here!!! I'm currently off the internet because my friends wife was copying me constantly after she taunted me with a ring I left at her house. When I first met her, she was emotionally abusing my friend. Since I was not in treatment and unaware of my borderline diagnosis, I took it amongst myself to text my friend and be like you're wife is a asshole to you. And I've been her target ever since. Now she is fleeing the country to isolate him. Making him give up his pets because she's jealous of them. Tried to dump them on us after I got my ring back. Wanted to trigger a reaction since a bunch of toxic people I knew would dump their animals on me because they couldn't or didn't want to take care of them. So she started copying everything I was doing to the pose on Instagram lololol. So I'm like let me help you and I deleted my social media. Now she's texting us tryna hang out updating me and my partner about the move to continue to get me to react. They literally can't take no for an answer 🤣

Love u SAM

This presentation is put together with such depth. Thabk you for such clarification .

She told me why did't I congratulate her on her victory on her becoming me in the truth and I was her now with her lies!

Sam! Could you talk about when NPD overlaps with ASD? Love u thank u ur the best

Amazing, I only watched a video yesterday and someone asked to do a video re covert nar's, (that's what I'm dealing with) and hey presto. I'm still taking it all in what u said, but omg, I sooo needed to hear this to validate me 🙏 ❤🙏 x

What you see is not what you get teaches the dupe to learn a different way of seeing what you see is a possible predator that does not deserve your trust rather your observations 🚩🚩🚩

Thanks Profesor San Vaknin.

Thank you for sharing! I learn so much, from your videos.

100% accurate.

Perfect explanation

They do deceive you

right on man

Welcome to the twilight zone! 😂 Thank you so much for this deep analysis 🙏

Wow!

Always great information!📚📖✏️

You’ve just described my ex and in-laws in a knot shell 😂! Thank you.

WOW. It does some kinda something to me when i hear you talk. It’s like you made the video specifically for me…

Phenomenal 💫

Great topic 👐 I have often noticed how similar the psychology of the Narc and AI, like they are the same species 👐

Everyone is something if not we wouldn't be here, life is good!

You have a funny way of describing politicians and rich people.

Absolutely brilliant explanation

Masquerading as a well read and ardent feminist was the key disarming mimicry I have experienced

Thank you so much for sharing this information, it is very helpful.

While listening I was reminded of a wildlife documentary i saw years ago about female mimicry by male red sided garter snakes when leaving hibernation. Here's an interesting article Female mimicry in garter snakes R T Mason et al. Nature. 1985 Jul.

She took my children from me! to remove me from the home!

I learned not to be stuck traveling in a vehicle with that thing...on mountain roads. He would "feel faint'..on the highway. good times. .

This description of mimicry reminds me of the film...'The Servant' with Dirk Bogarde.

Excellent video.

free from my blessing in disguise 5 weeks 5/77 slave 4/23 exadus for this askanazi shalom Sam helped me

Dear Dr. Vaknin, what do you think about this predicament. If you stand up for yourself (pretty much any place in the world), it is considered taboo, but if you don't, perhaps worse. Is it better to be a tiger skin rug, or live life as a worm? I have a canny feeling that you can more than look after yourself; what do you recommend or advise in this circumstance? Is this a recent thing, or is it universal and as old as time? BTW Love your use of English, serious vocabulary maestro Shushanim. OK!

I would say ive experienced different levels of this mocking/mimicking. 1st - it was a mocking bash, where what i said was repeated too me in childlike manner as if i was stupid for what i said 2nd - what i said was repeated only too "put me in my place" or too be used against me in my mannerism or such 3rd- where everything i said, they were or striving too be (which flipped at the flip of a dime). Where my expressions, attitudes, integrity became theirs in a way that they have achieved a better understanding then me without true results of the fruits it produce. Which i took further more as mocking but bitterly. As again they tried too mock my behavior in an extent where they have became wise too everybody else, giving good advice. But once getting deeper in the Convo or advice it becomes lost due too one their own true nature. If any of that makes sense🤞 at first i found it funny as i was a source too be made fun of or belittled, too taking on my identity as theirs without a true understanding that then became annoying! As anything i said "held no weight" unimportant until they said it and it made all the sense but with the unhealthy habits still in place that would completely distort what i said in the first place. I love conflict w/resolution so i did listen for a while thinking hey they got a hang of it but they never did the self work but took the work as if theirs. For sure the main topic was me, who i am. I was always the opposite in his mind. I told this person they were hurting my feelings and later on disrespecting me for constantly calling me a hoe or accusing me of f'ing EVERYBODY! At first i took the time too explain my self, my integrity of that not even being a pattern/behavior of mine. I felt heard finally one day when they agreed it was wrong and disrespectful as they continued they told me i was being disrespectful for pointing it out, that their behavior will continue despite how it made me feel because i am a woman my emotions are invalid with no or little logic as a man.

Brilliant.