I just hear a command twice

The voices

​@@Number81ght 'People who are hurting, often hurt other people' maybe?!

@@idkwhodos2840 That makes more sense. More wordy, but flows better

@@Number81ght Misery loves company

I mean that is what he's saying.

that's the point the video

@@nj552455I’d imagine using my developed human brain that the original comment was stating that it’s a “no duh” situation. Because they were Agreeing with video. But, I suppose the same kind of people who would act with emotion about dishes would also post a comment in response to something they couldn’t process.

@@mimas120 It's not about dishes. It's about feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated.

@absue Mimas was responding to the people not understanding the original comment was in agreement with the video. It wasn't a "but," it was an add-on to why this aggressive behavior is unhelpful, for everyone.

True. ❤

I think you spelled 100% wrong 😅

@@woefulmelancholy nice!!!! 👍🏾

@@woefulmelancholy lol they arent all this bad, i say 80% cuz ive seen some nice parents, probably because they grew up the same way

@@Lumen824 I agree not all parents are bad but I still think everyone could see this, no one is perfect and sometimes we need reminders and that's ok

Thank you for sharing and for bringing up this point! I've noticed in myself and a few friends where if we don't experience the exact thing (or close-enough to it) that we were desiring/expecting, the thing "doesn't 'count' " if it's a loving act, or it's still "not 'ok' " if it's not "exactly 'right' ." I've not heard professionals mentioning this yet, but I want to hear more on it. It's not just "perfectionism," but, a "fantasized expectation," maybe?

@@jessicaf6358 I agree with calling it "fantasized expectation"🥰

I mean it's not an accepted term amongst professionals yet. But what you're describing sounds an awful lot like main character syndrome

You are absolutely right I was with a covert narcissist for 20 years and after that and overt narcissist and after that I was so damaged that I lashed out at my next relationship. It took being single for a couple of years and a lot of healing and studying for me to get where I am now I feel like I can finally be a sane normal person

its almost like personality disorders also come from being abused, so hopefully more people will realise this and stop treating ppl with npd and bpd like theyre born monsters, and accept that everyone can be abusive and be hurtful.

@sharicoburn5475 That must have done a number indeed on your heart! You are so strong, and I truly emphatize with you... as you have healed, may you find the love that your heart needs and deserves.

@nalkacult There is a world of difference between being abusive and being hurtful from undealt with hurt due to built up of resentment in instances, it is not excusable either because it is extremely unhealthy for both the individuals involved. However, to say people with npd and bpd are "treated as monsters" is a great injustice to the victims who survived dealing with people who have this. Do you think the victims did not start off loving and wanting to show love to them even if it means exposing to them what they are dealing with for the sake of the success of the relationship? If it stems from being abused, does that then make it excusable? You have a responsibility as an adult to deal with your trauma and abuse and not be lazy to just hurt people because you chose the path of least resistance. That is the real monstrosity. I just hope you maintain the same energy if you were victim, words can't describe how much the pain runs deep and the grit and grace it takes not to do self-harm or spiral negatively.

​@@sharicoburn5475 projecting much.

Its crazy to me that a youtube video raised you the way ypur parents should have. And you are not alone by the looks of it. I hope you learn from this, and teach your kids how to handle these things correctly, since you know you where in the wrong previously

​@@whimseyOFCboggles my mind every single time!!! imagine some strangers online teaching you about the *very* *veryyyyyyyy* important stuff in life but your parents, the one that 'loves' you, fails to do so 💆 what an interesting world we live in 😌

@@whimseyOFChonestly the “wrong” version is still a lot more gentle than how my parents raised me😂 generational trauma is so deeply rooted in Asian household

Older generation parents themselves have dysfunctional relationships and we are conditioned to grow in that environment thinking it's normal

@@whimseyOFCI mean she seems desi so her parents probably had an awful marriage

tough love is just trying to make abuse seem moral

​@@quantuman100tough love is not abuse

I taught my kids to look at their lives as a movie with themselves in it. We control how we show up. Don't be the villain. Be the best character. Be the hero.

It reminds me of the improv excercise "change" where the two actors do a scene unscripted and the person on the sidelines yells change to a line that dislike in which the actor has to actually change what they just said,( beyond just the opposite of what they said for example.) Super fun excercise!

😂

Probably depends on how you act and if he feels like calling you out when you're not communicating in the best way 😅

Yeah, I don’t know. I have to assume they don’t use therapy speak to talk to each other all the time.

Comments have said he cheated on his wife and overcorrected in his videos originally. Don't know what the truth is, so take it with a grain of salt. But I think it could be hell.

A man can be two things at once

My former best friend was a narc too. It took me years to realise that he constantly switched between witholding affection and love bombing me. Also I ALWAYS smelled BO and my breath ALWAYS stinked according to him, to the point that I started questioning everyone else constantly if they could smell my BO. Eventually he physically attacked me because I 'disrespected' him and his wife because I didnt clean the room I rented at his place the way that he wanted. He dragged me out of bed by the neck while I was sleeping and told me to beg on my knees to his wife for forgiveness. I just said "If you're gonna kill me, then kill me. I won't beg.", and he punched me in the face. Next day he had his wife apologise on his behalf and within a month I had bought my own apartment. I was his last friend, but according to him it was never his fault that nobody wanted anything to do with him. Good riddance.

@@WolfODonnelfan WOW I am so sorry you had to endure that. Narcissists are just evil! The underhanded comments make us self-conscious which is exactly what they want. It causes us to start withdrawing from others around us and doubting ourselves which is why they use it so often. I've known 3 of them and every single one started out with that tactic and escalated to physical abuse. You can't use reason or logic with a narcissist because it doesn't exist in the world they created for themselves and NOTHING will EVER be their fault 🙄 every apology has a "BUT" one of the worst beatings I got was when I came home and caught him 🏀 ⚽️ s deep in my "friend" and roommate. It was MY fault because I didn't call and let him know I got off work early that day. According to him he knew I got off early and was trying to be sneaky, then it changed to he knew I got off work early and didn't tell him because he said he knew I was getting off early to go sleep with someone else so that's why they did this...pointing out we literally live 6min from my work and I started to call my boss to confirm on speaker what time I left when I realized he had just flipped it on me. We went from me catching him in the act of cheating to defending myself that I wasn't cheating and had come straight home...that's how good they are at defecting any accountability. They've already put in the time and training, breaking you down with their mental gymnastics that it's so easy for them to flip things around and justify the abuse. When I called out he was flipping it onto me when he's the one cheating he lost his mind. I guess there's a good reason you're not supposed to tell a narcissist you know what they are and the game they're playing. I'm so happy you got away from that 🗑️ human and somewhere safe ❤️ we may not know each other but anyone who has survived life with a narcissist and made it out has my respect! Hope you are living a happy and lovely life because you deserve it!

​@@WolfODonnelfanwtf now that's just crazy 🤯 glad you walked away from that

@@anemptyspace More like glad that some friends of the family gave me 50k so I could buy an apartment (including my inheritance ofc).

😏

Lol love to see you follow through with that kind of personal accountability. Fat chance. It's not in your nature.

You will be surprised how much you are learning from this as a single. It is so helpful.

Same, aroace and still enjoying watching these. They're helpful for any type of relationship, not just romantic ones.

It is very easy to hence one has to be responsible to "deal and heal" ... it is what the other person deserves, and not a hurt you, hurting them because you are hurt.

It is very easy to hence one has to be responsible to "deal and heal" ... it is what the other person deserves, and not a hurt you, hurting them because you are hurt.

@@fadekesalami6061 yes. Taking full responsibility for one’s own actions and words is vital. Because you can’t shirk that responsibility and be healthy.

Hello how are you doing

OK, so he can do the dishes while she changes the oil.

YES!!! You nailed it.

Remember first and foremost that everyone wants respect and mistakes can be addressed without condescension or condemnation. I’m working on this too.

What did the guy do exactly?

​@@SuperMrSkullycontinuously left dishes in the sink when he knows that that's not up to her standard of cleanliness, which feels disrespectful to her sense of calm and it probably means that she ends up going behind him and cleaning them often, so she has been doing extra work. It's also not the first time that she's told him that this bothers her and he hasn't made a change, so she's feeling unheard

@@msjkramey Did miss the part where he was changing her oil? Maybe you, op and others need to take a step back and realize the world doesn't revolve around you.

@@msjkrameywonder how the dude is feeling after that tirade. Something tells me in a real relationship this kind of name calling wouldn't be the first time, and it's hard to prioritise showing up for the standards of a partner who doesn't respect you, and indeed openly degrades you to others in front of you in the first place. Not to make this about guys vs girls or anything, but this is what's happening here.

​@@msjkrameyYeah but if I'm changing your oil, the least you can do is an exchange, I doubt that girl would like to get under the car and do that job if she can't stand dirty dishes, don't get me wrong! I'm a dude who cleans whatever I get dirty, but I also understand that man, now, here's the main issue; It seems like this hasn't been a "recent thing of the day" issue, dude has been avoiding doing dishes for s while and changing the oil one time once every now and then doesn't justify it, that's true

Not really I'd imagine, because her frustration (while being channeled in an unproductive way) is still valid. It is in response to HIS poor behavior so is ultimately still his fault. Compare that to the last video discussing relationship equality where the frustration the man expressed was invalid as compared to his partner and the appropriate response for him was to shut up and give her a break. It's basically telling women "I know it gets frustrating dealing with these man babies but they aren't great at reading through the lines to see how they're mistreating you and how your anger is coming from hurt from their actions or lack thereof, so give yourself time to cool off from your justified anger so you can be the adult in the room and deal with this." It still kinda frames that when women make mistakes it's in response to men pushing them, when men make mistakes it's all on them.

​​@@ajregalia1334 ahh gotta find another way to give excuses for the woman and blame the man.

@@ajregalia1334 His poor behavior. Right. Fuck him for needing to eat and making a dish dirty and then changing her oil and coming back in to do dishes. Fuck him for having a dirty dish before fixing her car. How dare he not perfectly clean everything spotless 24/7 and have a dirty dish. Jesus Christ.

​@@ajregalia1334 okay. But again. Because man and women are equal, we can turn that Same logic against you. Why are you do stick around and let crappy partners continue to hurt you more when they show no sign of appealing to your standards of a relationship. Your just being disrespectful and condescending, at the very least? Be respectful and talk It out before lashing out. Just cause your an emotional creature. Doesn't give you the right to start name calling. That's not tough love. You name calling isn't going to help improve the person your yelling at. Only make them resent you. No matter if they do what you want them to or not. Don't think about as a gender thing, we're all human and we ain't perfect. There's gonna be things you don't like about people especially when they weren't raised right because parents can suck. Again. Doesn't give you the right to nag and call names. Communication is key. Not contempt.

@@collinsmith7143 Uhhhh, did I come across as defending/excusing that outburst? Let me be clear, I wasn't. I was pointing out a pattern I've simply noticed in Jimmy's videos and the subtextual message it sends because he never portrays a woman's flaws in a relationship as coming from incompetence or laziness but does so for men all the time, so it's not really showing the "other side". Also saying "Why are you do stick around and let crappy partners continue to hurt you more when they show no sign of appealing to your standards of a relationship" comes across as victim blaming. Not everyone in a relationship can leave it, victims of abuse are often financially dependent on their abusers and need outside help. many don't even recognize they're in abusive relationships. And even if not in an abusive relationship it's not always easy to leave one due to things like financial entanglement, social entanglement, shared assets, or kids. So it comes across a little toe deaf to say that.

True. Hard to remember when you are livid though!

And you have to remember the scaling when it comes to issues. Because being hurt over a dish in the sink should likely be far less than something like being called lazy after changing the oil in a car. But unfortunately the dishes isnt about the dishes. It's about a dozen other little things.

What? I think the point is so people can recognize and deal with relationship problems. It’s not entire genders suddenly realizing their gender is toxic. These videos aren’t about “gender problems,” they are relationship problems. I can work on my relationship without it even needing to cross my mind how “toxic” me and all females are. I just want to work on my specific relationship without the woke “toxic masculinity” chants.

The phrase “toxic masculinity” just makes me gag. It’s a disservice to all our noble and virtuous men who are actually masculine. What you describe is just some woke bs. I wish people would actually say what they mean. What is toxic? Your perception of some men?

This is not a channel about toxic masculinity. He on multiple occasions states that everything he talks about applies to both partners regardless of gender

​@@EvosAndMakeupit's pretty straightforward - toxic elements of traditional masculinity. What exactly are you having trouble understanding?

​@EvosAndMakeup you're very uneducated. Toxic masculinity hurts men just as much as women. We aren't talking about healthy masculinity. Hence the "toxic" part. Toxic masculinity is why many men commit sui€ide because its "weak" to talk about problems or feelings. That's Toxic masculinity

Stress from what? Him changing her oil?

From being saddled with most of the house chores.

That’s why he said: take 30 minutes to self regulate. You are responsible for handling your stress response and it is not an excuse to attack someone with accusations and emotionality.

@@SuperMrSkully Poor Little Innocent Good Guy, Poor Ole Charlie 😢 "She's SUCH A B ITCH" RIGHT? LMAO 🤣 If you'd Sincerely like to Know why she is in Stress Response, I suggest you research it and learn What it's about & 2) Ask her Why's she's stressed out. Or 3) continue bearing your head under the hood of a car and being the Poor victim instead of a true Partner & Companion in Relate-tionship as a team player. It's NOT ALL ABOUT HIM!

@@akuiper2654 Yes, Super Thanks, I'm learning & growing daily

You could all go to a neutral public territory where everyone is expected to not flip out in. And be forward with the reasoning for wanting to gather for a discussion about sharing your personal feelings and thoughts regarding current circumstances and what positive changes you feel like might be beneficial for the whole household as opposed to just to you. If you show that there is enough benefits outweighed the cons to them, then they might be more open to receiving the message with less defensiveness.

Dont forget to offer frequent opportunities for them to expand on this eith their own experience.

@@LittleTeapot-ui6ol I suppose that is the hard part, and I was raised by a very defensive mother so we all have issues with accountability. Thank you for the reply!

it’s also important to remember they’re probably not leaving all the work for you on purpose! most people dont actively want to cause problems for others, and some clear and respectful communication goes a long way

I agree with the person who replied to you about a meeting at a safe place. I would also recommend making a chart of perhaps expectations such as dishes should all be done before bed everyday so that we don't get bugs. Pets need to be walked everyday and maybe take turns. What is the exact expectation of cleanliness in the home and how often should it be swept vacuumed mopped etc Once all can agree then I believe all can sign the document and then you post it on the refrigerator.

Yes, please!

I'm in the same situation right now. If I ask for something he always deflects with" why do you have to bring that up rn? Don't you see I'm tired", so for him is never a good moment and then he starts saying I'm the manipulate one and controlling, shuts me up because I'm too dramatic.

"and we can set boundaries around unsafe people" - Jimmy in this video according to jimmy (in another video) - a boundary is: controlling what you can control (you can't cotrol another person) how can you set a boundary that makes him have the consequences to his own actions?

@@Tortasan very common in a narcissist. I recommend watching Dr Ramani on KZfaq. She has helped so many, leading expert on NA

@@domoxd3020 correct. Boundaries are for us, not them. We choose to leave. When boundaries don't work, look into narcissistic abuse. They don't change. Acceptt that and stay, or go.

@@domoxd3020for a lot of things you cant is the problem

100% - she's not "leading with contempt/hostility", it's far more likely she's asked him multiple times and reminded him several more before getting to this point.

"Sometimes it feels like begging." That speaks so much to your mindset. i hope you heal someday.

Everyone has to mediate themselves. In this example it just happens to be the woman he’s talking to. Have you watched his other videos? He shows both men and women how to improve.

I guess this creator can’t make everyone happy even though he make video on both men and woman not doing the best to mediate their relationship.

The thing is, this channel is dedicated to mostly toxic masculinity, the point of these kind of videos is to also remind his viewers; especially because his videos often get “put this on his feed” kinda comments; that women can be toxic too while bringing up disputes.

@@TehGhostWhoPlaythis could be this persons first time seeing these videos, don’t gotta be so quick to anger

I did watch a lot of his other videos and thats why I commented that this time. Because in many of those vids, its the woman that has something to discuss and the man shuts it down before the woman changes the way she brings the matter up (and sometimes its not enough). Even tho she is the one with the original concern, almost every time. Its tiring to see that even on this channel where indeed, its all about navigating relationships in a healthy way for men and women alike, I can still notice ways in which the woman is expected more of.

Some people will not listen until they are hurt.

But it’s not about being right.. it’s about how there’s something that really makes you feel alone and having everything on yourself. And yes, maybe she’s wrong and he does a lot, but even so that means they have to talk and explain where’s everyone coming from and why she’s actually wrong so that she can understand him instead of just accumulating that feeling so it becomes something worse. They have to find common ground even if nothing changes in the way they act

And you may think that it’s too tiresome and not worth it but it’s your partner, who you love. Getting a little time to get on the same page is always going to be worth it

Especially when that can change the dynamics of the relationship 180° degrees and make everyone peaceful, happy, understanding and helpful to you without complaints

@@Sjsxmkxo Often it is about being right.

​@@Sjsxmkxo Once you bring contempt and disrespect they're NO LONGER YOUR PARTNER. You've made them an adversary. That means there can be no communication, because an enemy cannot be communicated with. No amount of talking or explaining can do away with contempt, because it's poisonous. If you are ever, and I truly mean ever, bringing contempt into a space where they should be love: You are the problem. Period. If you relate to this woman: Maybe you need to take time to observe yourself, and how your contempt is a problem.

if being respectful toward your partner “does nothing” either a) the partner is not worth being woth or b) the communication isnt clear enough between the two. if being disrespectful towards your partner when you’re frustrated is the only option for you, that reflects more on you then your partner

​@@sas.tronaut5055while I agree that we should always be respectful, When we are asking in a respectful way for a long time and we are ignored it is extremely frustrating and then finally the crazy comes out. I do agree it's better to walk away from a partner who does not seem to care about our feelings.

@@sas.tronaut5055 well no. Your response tells me that you are either a) a terrible therapist or b) a woefully uninformed, naive, arrogant and disrespectful human. This is so vastly common in long-term relationships.

​@@jd-iw2et Cool, so when someone explains to you why you may be wrong about a certain perspective your responce is to shut them down completely and call them names? That seems far more disrespectful then saying you shouldn't be in a relationship if you're not respected.

@@Withered741 not cool. You didn't explain to me why I "might" be wrong. You decided to tell me why I am wrong with very little information. You have zero credibility and with you 2 uninformed, aggressive comments, demonstrate the kind of human you are. That my comment elicits this kind of behavior from you, is very telling.

Kinda funny he called out approach but not content of her argument.

​@@MrSophire Because there's nothing to call out about what she says. Household chores should be split. Not if one is working and the other one isn't, but most women nowadays have to work full time jobs too, in which case I can absolutely understand being frustrated.

If they're "always" feeling attacked: Maybe you're not as calm and respectful as you think?

I have one of those. It doesn't matter that I'm trying to tell him how I feel calmly and respectfully. He always says that I'm blaming him, even when he wasn't part of the original discussion.

Lested, okay let’s look at this skit and see how much of it is close to your situation. The man comes in after just changing her oil for her car. This is where the skit fails. No matter how she approaches this she is still accusing her man being lazy for not doing the dishes. He will still be hurt. Have you ever changed oil in a car. I as a woman have. Let me tell you, I would rather clean the dishes than do that. How often have you mowed the lawn? Fix the pipes? Electricity? This woman showed no gratitude for the work her man did, but was angry he didn’t do the dishes. Do you do the same, because maybe that’s why it seems accusatory to him. I don’t know you relationship but if it is like this woman’s then maybe you should look inwards and ask yourself maybe your the problem.

​@MrSophire I do ALL of it except laundry. I finally started taking the cars to the shop to have them done as I just couldn't manage another task to have to complete. I mow, I fix things when they break, I do the dishes, etc. The only things I don't do anymore are cook for him amd the youngest (15) (all they both will eat is pasta with red sauce), and laundry. Our agreement when we first started living together was that he'd do the laundry (all the way through folding and putting away) except socks. He's kept up with washing the clothes, but only puts them away once every 4-6 weeks. I work 45 hours a week. He works 12. The laundry agreement started when I was working 2 jobs so he could go to school and get his degree. I told him, that physically and financially, I would need him to work at least 20 hours per week after 2 years. After 8, he started working 32 hours per week. That lasted a whole 4 months. Then it dropped down to 12 and has stayed there since. I'm mentally and physically exhausted from trying to keep the house somewhat clean and the yards under control. There's a LOT more to the story, but I've already aired more of my life than I care to on a social media platform.

Here here, even when this man is trying to correct women he still blames men. The guy just came in from doing her oil. As a woman I would rather do the dishes than the oil.

@@MrSophire amen, as a MAN I would rather do the dishes than change oil 😂 some of us are luckier than we know!

People who are hurt will hurt other people. The first "hurt" is an adjective, and the second one is a verb. No comma in between means the word is different grammatically.