How to Clearly Recognize Emotional Abuse

Рет қаралды 6,640

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler - Help for Toxic Relationships

5 жыл бұрын

This episode of Save Your Sanity gives you insights into what emotional abuse looks, feels, and sounds like. Too often, people make excuses, justify, or rationalize behavior that is really emotional abuse. NO MORE! Learn how to clearly and easily recognize it, so you can heal, avoid and prevent it.
Emotional abuse in your young life sets you up to accept more of it as an adult. When you're a child, you are dependent on those "giants" in your life to keep you alive. Recognizing this, and that your brain was still developing, you don't know differently. The Giants tell you who you are and how you fit in life. Maybe, you didn't have very kind, loving, accepting, or healthy Giants? Find out more in this live stream.
The things we discuss in this video will help you strategically consider all the factors you need to think through if you have--or think you have or have had--a relentlessly difficult person in your life, and have lived through emotional abuse without recognize or acknowledging it.
I call those difficult people #Hijackals. Others may call them crazy-making, difficult, mean, thoughtless, uncaring, abusive, #narcissists, #sociopaths, #psychopaths, #histrionics, #borderlines, or #anti-socials.
Find your way out of Toxic Relationships is imperative to saving your sanity...and your kids' sanity, too !
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* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
CONNECT WITH ME:
Website: www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
Facebook: / relationshiphelpdoctor
Twitter: @RhobertaShaler
LinkedIn: / rhobertashaler
Instagram: @DrRhobertaShaler
KZfaq: / forrelationshiphelp
Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
Take my free checklists: www.forrelationshiphelp.com/c...
Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on KZfaq to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
You can take advantage of my one-time. new client introductory Consultation here (only $97 for a full hour)
www.ForRelationshipHelp.com/join
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WANT A SAFE PLACE-- off social media--
TO TALK, ASK QUESTIONS, GET EXPERT ANSWERS & SUPPORT?
Join my Emerging Empowered Community, online:
ForRelationshipHelp.com/commu...
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Explore my eCourses to build your confidence in dealing with narcissistic people.
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#emotionalabuse #Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
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This content has been created and recorded for the general interest and information of the viewer/listener. Nothing said or implied on this site should be taken, or construed in any way, as legal advice, or personal advice of any kind. It is entirely informational, offering readers, viewers, subscribers, followers, and members educational resources, anecdotes, case studies, and stories.
Optimize Life Now LLC & Rhoberta Shaler, PhD makes no representations about the suitability of the content of this site for any purpose. All content is provided “as is” without any warranty of any kind.

Пікірлер: 57

@caroler4297 Ай бұрын

I'm so happy I found this lovely woman's channel, I know she passed in April this year, but she left a legacy of understanding and life lines for those of us dealing with abuse. God bless and I hope she knows she is still.helping.

@alaysiakayebutler6299 25 күн бұрын

Oh my, Thank you for mentioning her passing.. it hits my heart. She's been one of the best of the best counselors, discovered years ago, and found myself back, getting clarity from her deep detailed verification. Lives hang in the balance, when we doubt our own experience..

@lagoldie9783 2 жыл бұрын

I think people have a hard time recognizing emotional abuse is because it's so common, almost everyone these days is dysfunctional and making excuses for how they behave. I see this sort of thing everywhere. Smh it's very disturbing and sickening. Hi to everyone in the chat

@RealLadi228 7 ай бұрын

Hidden demon 😈

@ElisaForHealing 8 ай бұрын

As I listen to the questions, I’m having flashbacks of childhood abuse that I had forgotten. I don’t remember a lot of it as it was a daily occurrence as far back as I can remember. My mom was a hijackal, but dad was a reactive abuser, I feel, due to my mom being so difficult.

@lynndupree1205 Ай бұрын

I just gained the insight I need. My partner has discovered a weakness in me, and now he is exploiting it. He knows I have fears about car wrecks because I have have been in 2 serious accidents (not my fault) where people were injured, AND my mother was also killed in a wreck. So he knows it terrifies me when he drives aggressively. I have pleaded with him to slow down but he refuses. He actually has been using the car as a weapon to control me. If I ask him to slow down he will jerk the car around between the lanes, and do other reckless things to scare me. I used to drive sometimes when we were together but he put a stop to that by micro-managing my driving. If I didn't drive exactly as he wanted, he would have a tantrum and scream at me. So I abdicated my right to drive. After watching this video I see more clearly what is going on.

@Ninabeana13 7 ай бұрын

I wasn’t sure what these behaviors and statements were for so long, I actually believed it was mostly my fault and that I was crazy, sensitive, overreacting, argumentative etc…This person says “ You’re always trying to be right, you want everyone to agree with you, not everyone thinks the same as you” when I would try calling out his hurtful comments as abusive or when having a different opinion than him. Another example is that he would ignore me and pretend he didn’t hear me most of the day staring at his phone or the floor. I would ask is everything ok, are you ok? He would say in a melancholy way “I’m fine” I would say are you sure? He would again say “I’m fine, why are you always inventing or imagining problems, you’re always trying to start things!” My response, I’m sorry I’m not trying to cause any issues, it just appears you’re upset. Him “you’re always trying to start an argument, you’re always trying to control me, not everyone has to act the way you want them to!” This is after hours a day being ignored with no responses to anything I ask or say. Sometimes he would say “I don’t have to respond to everything because you’re always babbling and have nothing important to say!” He’s also ordered me around and sometimes ask for things. I knew if I didn’t do the favor he would treat me like crap the rest of the day. Like I’m in the middle of cleaning and he’s like “can you make me a coffee, can you get me a fork?” etc.. He would say “why don’t you just get a better paying job, instead of complaining?” Why do you leave clean clothes on the couch, just fold and put them away?” Meanwhile I was doing every single thing for a house full of people, with him being more needy than our children.

@curiousone6435 2 жыл бұрын

Rhoberta: "I'm not going to take your orders, and I'm not going to get that bucket." I literally cheered. I was moved.

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Great! I'm glad to hear that it meant something to you.

@alimccreery755 2 жыл бұрын

I will admit I have lashed out and hurtled verbal abuse towards my abuser and I need to just stop myself because I know it’s not helping. I feel I’m defending myself but for what?

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

It sounds like you are engaging in what is called "reactive abuse." See if this video fits: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/nqimd86Vt8qwdnU.html

@amithasimon6725 9 күн бұрын

Happy yo hv found this channel.....very very educational❤

@RealLadi228 7 ай бұрын

Lack of validation 😢

@rebeccashifflet8843 2 жыл бұрын

I have a very very early memory of sexual abuse. I even remember my mother taking me to a therapist and I remember describing the incident to the lady while playing with a doll house. I remember how the office looked and what I said to the lady.... when I asked my mom , a few years ago, "why did you take me to a therapist when I was really little?" and she just said you seemed sad so we took you... I feel like my family has been hiding something from me. And I want to confront them but I'm so so scared I don't think I can handle if it's true. And I have had mental health issues as long as I can remember. I remember feeling like I was stuck in a dream for years and I still remember the day that fog lifted and where I was. Should I confront my mom with this again?

@TranscendingTrauma 2 жыл бұрын

I think personally if she’s scared to tell you or wants to protect you you may feel further gas lighted. I would do therapy and explore it within your own being. I’m sorry for the confusion and for the pain. I get it.

@marilynng4337 9 ай бұрын

Yes my foster father told me he didn’t owe me anything I act like he birthed me into the world I was 14 years old I had just lost my mom and my dad at five years old I still remember these words I am almost 55 years old He was my adopted mom cousin He was relative foster parent shame on him!!!

@denisevalley9021 Ай бұрын

Hello, from Denise in Iowa! Love your content.

@alimccreery755 2 жыл бұрын

thank you so much for that link it truly helped me to understand myself when I get involved with the hijackels in my life. Thank you thank you thank you

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

You're very welcome!

@bekafarris4986 9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for your amazing knowledge that is helping me learn to see what's really going on in my life! Helping me learn how to handle a hijacker in my family and finally see ITS NOT JUST ME! My hijacker acts like he doesn't care what I do, but trickily has me doing what he wants but he revolves in the center of my life and I know what I should or shouldn't from how he's ghosted me or gave SILENT treatment!

@carolashlee8002 4 жыл бұрын

Gosh the story of the baby sitter story. Years ago, My teenage daughter came to me telling that a male friend of ours, came in to her room and touched her on the leg and was freaked out. I also had him be inappropriate with me. So I told her Father, the response was how dare you accuse my friend.

@ForRelationshipHelp 4 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry it happened to you, too, Carol. It's subversive, twisted emotional pathways that lead emotionally unequipped parents to make such empathy-free choices. Big hugs!

@carolashlee8002 4 жыл бұрын

I divorced this narcissist who always put his mates first. He is no longer friends with that man.

@ForRelationshipHelp 4 жыл бұрын

@@carolashlee8002 Good for you! That was likely only one symptom of his inability or unwillingness to be present and demonstrate empathy and understanding, right?

@kimberlysweidy2670 6 ай бұрын

@@carolashlee8002 Narcissists don't have friends. He sided with the man simply to spite you and to avoid having to behave as an ethical adult. While narcissists don't have friends, morals, or maturity, they do have spite in copious quantities.

@debbielighthall9671 2 жыл бұрын

I listen you often Thank you

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome.

@WalkerHoundGal 2 жыл бұрын

“ I can destroy you, and make another one to replace you, just like you, but better”…yes, a repeated threat. My parents were disordered and I am breaking the cycle!

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Good for you!!!

@Wendy-lb6do 4 ай бұрын

Hi Rhoberta. Your videos are very informative. I am struggling in an abusive environment right now. I am being falsely accused of doing things I absolutely am not! I think they are also making it appear on social media that I am making statements I also would never do! I am very worried about what this painful online bullying could be doing to others or myself. These monsters don't care my disability of anxiety attacks is being made so much worse. I am emotionally beaten down. I was also recently pushed at this residence. The police weren't concerned which is petrifying! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful evening.

@soul832006 3 жыл бұрын

Thankyou thankyou thankyou!! I have a healthier way I can deal with her not wanting to accompany days out with my son. I can build memories with him and not even mention her at all when she refuses to come.

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

You're so welcome. Yes, you can definitely do that and enjoy the time with your boy!

@angelacahill9460 6 ай бұрын

Playing mean pranks on children and video taping it to broadcast on social media reminds me of Jimmy Kimmel on his show.

@SaritWorld 2 ай бұрын

Thank you. ❤❤❤❤

@indigosungirl 2 ай бұрын

Interesting advice I have myself is romantic partners don’t have to love unconditionally, that’s for their parent to do. We don’t have to take the high road forever, boundaries are ok and you are not responsible for how they feel about the boundary.

@alimccreery755 2 жыл бұрын

Your answer back was such a right on answer. I have a question, if an older sibling tells their young sister that they want to teach them to kiss and then says that if they say anything they will have to go away and never come back. Is that considered sexual abuse?

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Yes.

@denisevalley9021 Ай бұрын

Yes, for thirty years! Lie to me and lies to other people about me.

@princesskileyrae Жыл бұрын

Omg. Your example of your mother posting the photo of the woman to shame her is exactly something mine would have done (if she was more tech-savvy). When I was in high school leaving cheer practice, I hated not leaving last because my mother would critique & criticize & make fun of all the other girls on my squad as they walked out. She wouldn't just drive away. She'd smile, wave people past her, & say awful things as they walked in front of the vehicle. "Look at Mary's fat legs, why doesn't she go to the gym?" "Stacie was a dancer I thought, but all I see when I look at her is gums. I'd have put you up for adoption too if you were born looking like that!" "Kassi looks like a prepubescent boy, maybe if she lightened up her anorexia, she'd grow some boobs." If I left practice after everyone else to avoid listening to mother's individual teammate assessment, she'd scream at me the entire way home. She'd generally scream either way, but hearing *how* ruthless she was made me believe everyone else's parents were talking at least halfway as badly abour everyone as her. It was very alienating - thinking my peers hated me as much as my mother made me believe they did. That way I'd always be here to "take care of her because she took care of me" when she retired. The best gift a discarded daughter can give her hijackal mother is a long, lonely nursing home stay. I was a helpless child who needed her protection but she shielded abusers including herself. When she is ultimately at her most frail & vulnerable; she did not earn my protection. I wasn't raised well enough. ❤

@jennie22.02 2 ай бұрын

thank you, this is very thereputic

@AnneLeighton 21 күн бұрын

If a woman has large breasts, she should be celebrated! Thank you for trying to straighten out that bully.

@lauraboyes6345 2 ай бұрын

HOW - do you forgive your parents for denying your reality - you were brave and honest and asked for their help - and not only did they refuse you help they denied your reality - how do you forgive all of that? You spoke to them when you were 40 - no change. You must have wondered how you became the wholesome person you are - but are you healed? I would guess you went your own way as early as possible in life - you built other supportive relationships but you must feel angry even now to have had such a bad start/such a bad deal in your earliest life. Have you made peace with that - and what is that process - surely it is a lifelong process?

@denisevalley9021 Ай бұрын

It was always my fault for his behaviors!

@alimccreery755 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve watched videos on KZfaq where people were recording someone they didn’t know and when the other person didn’t like it and became defensive that person was labeled a Karen. I think that is totally wrong. I’ve had Thing Ones flying monkeys try to intimidate me on the street when I was walking my dog just to get a reaction from me I simply just walked away and stonewalled them. Isn’t what those people are doing considered abusive and stalking?

@lawrencejuan9105 26 күн бұрын

Hello there

@alimccreery755 2 жыл бұрын

Picture taking isn’t directed just to kid’s I’ve had the cell phone picture taking directed towards me from the flying monkeys as well as from my abusers and I’m in my 60’s

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

You're right, and it's such a trying situation, isn't it?