How to Come Out to Children, Teenagers, and Adult Kids With Your Transgender Identity!

Рет қаралды 4,349

3 жыл бұрын

Here are tips from gender therapist on how to come out as a transgender person to your children and adult kids.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/aboutdrz
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Пікірлер: 98

@alannaofrann6767 3 жыл бұрын

When I decided to transition (MtF) in 2017 I knew that my oldest son (16) would be okay, at least I hoped that he would! My other son was 12 and has Aspberger's. When I explained to him what I was doing he began crying ..but when I explained that I wasn't leaving him he calmed down quite a lot. I made it very clear that I was not going away... I would always be his "Dad" no matter this "stuff" that I was about to do. That premise made all the difference and today neither of them has any trouble with me continuing to transition. Alanna

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I am so glad to hear you were able to help your child understand your are not abandoning them.

@gwendolinegoetz9224 3 жыл бұрын

Two years ago, my children (daughter 16 and son 20) came to me with their questions to which I answered. They remarked that my social transition was finishing. They are always very supportive. They continue as my wife to call me dad as convention. They took part to my administrative transition.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

So glad to hear your kids are supportive!

@johnwang9914 2 жыл бұрын

Perhaps they saw your transition as getting to truly know you, a personal relationship that was denied to them when you yourself was in denial as to who you are.

@wendyvance5144 3 жыл бұрын

When I came out to my teenage daughters about two and a half years ago, my oldest was accepting and the support took a little time. My youngest had a difficult time accepting it. It took a year for her to accept what was happening. She is supportive. Now I am waiting to see how they address me as time progresses. Right now they refer to me by my first name.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and glad to hear they are both supportive.

@christiewoods325 3 жыл бұрын

Great Topic Dr Z! My spouse and I came out about me being transgender (MtF, still yet to transition) to our adult children about 6 years ago using an email letter we spent a year drafting. I also came out using a letter to my family and and some friends about 25 years ago. In both cases I felt there were/are real advantages to a letter; It gives them time to process before reacting. It gives me a chance to say everything I need to say without missing something. It gives me a chance to say everything that needs to be said without reacting to any verbal or non-verbal ques from them. Our 3 kids texted back loving and supportive responses right away that brought my spouse and I to tears. It was such a relief. One concern I had was they already knew about me but also knew that they topic was taboo or best left alone. Only my oldest son said he already knew since age 12, He was 32 at the time we told them. I was amazed that he didn't share his concerns with the others. All of them live far away from us and I made it a point to visit each of them that summer. I became disappointed that none of them really had any questions. I also felt they were, for the most part, happier not discussing the topic any further. I had to check my feelings because I felt I really wanted to share what it meant for me, how long I had stayed hidden, and some of the stories I thought they'd appreciate that I could never share with them prior to coming out to them. In truth, these things, the discussions, and their deeper acceptance has been happening ever since. I feel blessed. Thank you for all you do! Hugs!!! Christie

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Ohh that's so great to hear and thank you for sharing.

@cristinacindy7520 3 жыл бұрын

Dr Z, Transitioning especially at a later is so hard and so complicated especially when your older and you already have a career or job and sometimes even started a family. You have to come out to your parents, your children, your job and your friends of so many many years. I haven't come out yet to some friends of over 20 or 30 years. Being transgender and Transitioning is not like going to college and picking a major and hoping you can land a good job after graduating. Being transgender and Transitioning is harder than dealing with a hopeless marriage, it's harder than finishing school, it's harder than a career, it's harder than buying a house. It's literally the hardest thing a person does and goes through in the entire world because it's like running against the wind, against the odds and against society or the world. I think about this night and day, 24/7. My transition takes every space of my brain and occupies 100% of my time and of my life. Please make a video on Transitioning at a later age. Their is many people Transitioning at age 40, 50, 60, and even 70s. These are the hardest ages to transition because we have already lived a lifetime.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

@Cristina Gonzalez thank you for sharing and I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. Transition at an older age defiantly comes with a different set of challenges and obstacles. Will do a video for sure.

@FR0STBL0D 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks a lot for your story, Cristina. ... I just wanna add that I've read that the average age for transitioning is 42.

@cristinacindy7520 3 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you so much and I agree with @jane Christensen there comes a point in your life when life becomes so unbearable and you have de no choice but to transition because everything else is hopeless. This is the reason I am transitioning and nothing is going to stop me. My brother somehow is trying to convince me how inconvenient it is at this age and I keep on telling him that I don't have a choice. 🏳️‍⚧️🥰 Thank you Dr Z.

@christiewoods325 3 жыл бұрын

@@cristinacindy7520 Hi Cristina, I'm 60 and retired with adult children. I feel the only obligation I now have is to my spouse. We love each other very much and she has stated over and over again that we will always be friends, even if we split up over my transitioning. She's known I was transgender since before we were engaged over 20 years ago. I told her 5 years ago it was my desire to live full time after retirement. Last summer, I told her it's my intent to live full time in 2 years. Whether we stay together or separate I don't know. It's always my hope we stay together and I've been slow to transition with the hope of staying together. But I feel, ultimately, I need to be myself and I have put my obligations to others first for long enough. It's been a long and winding road to self discovery. I first expressed my transgender feelings to another person 40 years ago. I feel I knew this about myself since about age 4. Hugs!!! Christie

@pm9956 3 жыл бұрын

I was very fortunate. I was a crossdresser for my entire children life. My kids also know other transgender people in high school. They were completely indifferent.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

That’s so great!

@myflyingkidney 3 жыл бұрын

Every subject you talk about is literally answering all of my questions. I wish you existed online when I started questioning 8 or so years ago... I am already 34 and I feel stuck in every part of my life and transitioning is just another subject where I have no idea what to do. I wish I could somehow start to figure things out. Not to go into too much detail but it seems like all areas of my life are so complicated and I feel lost. But hopefully I'll figure it all out. And in time to actually live the remainder of my life in a fulfilling way. Thank you for your content. You are hands down the best channel for trans people there is. Finally a qualified, experienced professional talking about these issues, instead anecdotes of very, very young people that I cannot even remotely identify with. Thank you and keep making these videos you are helping more than you can imagine :)

@cristinacindy7520 3 жыл бұрын

Your absolutely right, I feel the very same way as you do. Barely transitioning at age 53 now.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

@myflyingkkidney thanks for sharing and when life feels so overwhelming, see if there is a mini goal you can conquer. Even if as small as going about your day as "YOU".

@myflyingkidney 3 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I try to solve little issues and conquer proffesonal goals and it helps a lot. I know it is unreasonable to expect everything in your life to be in order and organized, and just the way you want it, but I would like to be at least a bit closer to that bigger goal. I am hopeful :)

@yossileib 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this. It was the only resource I could find about this and it's so well explained. I came out to my 11 yo children two days ago using this advice and it was marvelous. They said they will always love me and that they understand. Thanks Dr Z

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Hey congrats! Often what we fear is very exaggerated. So glad to be of help.

@martinaaileen4008 2 жыл бұрын

Hello Dr Z I finally had my talk with my adult children. Wow what a relief and a load off my shoulders. They were both great and accepting and loving, my oldest actually gave me some makeup to use can’t believe how thoughtful that was. My youngest wants to learn makeup with me too so all is perfect so far. I z know my story isn’t how it always works and my heart goes out to those who have these issues. But I will say that coming out to my children finally freed my soul to be who I am inside and out. Take care , and thank you for your insight it really means a lot

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

So happy for you! What an incredible support you are getting from your kids.

@Tokalotapotseeds 3 жыл бұрын

Very appreciative of your work and you have helped me without even knowing it. For that I thankyou. I am 36/m together with my wife almost 20 years and she knows about me being transgender for 17 years now. I have a ten and four year old daughter. I been seeing a therapist for about 10 weeks. Been very open past 2 months open about me liking women's clothing. We painted my nails and makeup, wife helps also. Been awhile in the making.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and glad to hear the content is helpful!

@mysouthjerseylife 2 жыл бұрын

As a parent who still hasn't come out partially because I have kids this video is extremely helpful!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear it was helpful.

@OfficiallySarabi 3 жыл бұрын

This is an interesting topic and I'd never thought about it before. Definitely information to keep in mind for friends I may meet later in life. I feel fortunate that I'm a young adult. I don't have any kids, I was never close with my family, and I don't really have a career yet so I didn't have much to lose 😅 can't imagine how hard it is for people with decades and decades of life to reckon with.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and yes not having a family when one is transitioning can help.

@brynl-k4118 2 жыл бұрын

Yay! Another good one!!!😍 Could you talk about when to come out to kids that arent yours...like if your job, your deal with other kids? Sometimes hard to figure out when appropriate.🤔

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Honestly, I'd say whenever you feel ready. I think its important to consider where you at in transition and if its time vs always tailoring to other ppl needs. Remember, you aren't committing a crime, you are just being you.

@noonyxxx2356 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this video. I’m not out yet and I think it will be very helpful!

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@lucisamudratira9345 3 жыл бұрын

I'm happy to say that my late teen daughter was an ally for me early on and before and after I came out, she was supportive. She only distanced herself from me to preserve her relationship with her mother, who was polar opposite and very against my claim of being transgender. Her generation has a lot of openness and acceptance, as you said Doctor, for the trans community and concepts. I did feel that she took some time to process it all, despite being just going with the flow.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

That’s so great!

@renatcastillo8650 3 жыл бұрын

don't have kids, but love your videos and your looks, thanks dr Z!! ❤️🙏🏾

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

I appreciate that.

@moniquedupres6107 3 жыл бұрын

Great advice as usual. I’m not there yet but I’m on my way and one day relatively soon I’ll have to tackle this with my kids G (22) and B (19). Wish me luck. M xx 💋

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

I wish you all the best. I am sure it will be just fine!

@gallifreyfallsnomore1262 Жыл бұрын

This video is very helpful. I need to come out to my three children, who are aged 5-13. I’m pretty sure the older two will be accepting. Sure they’ll need some time to get their heads around it though. I plan to say to them, that they can still call me dad if they want. They can ask me anything and I’ll do my best to answer the questions. They can ask the same questions as many times as they need to. I’d rather they did that than feel like they can’t communicate their thoughts and feelings to me. The plan (I say plan, but I’m more of pantser) is too simply be honest. They may have already noticed certain changes in the way I behave, how I carry myself and so on. How I’m a lot calmer and happier. This is the reason. I’m still at the start of my journey, but I wanted you to hear this from me first. You’re my kids, and I love you. You deserve to know the real me.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best.

@ronnym.7501 3 жыл бұрын

I more or less just told my kids straight up. One early twenties with kids of her own, and the other two late teens. They were very understanding and accepting. It went well. The oldest was indeed the hardest, but she still accepted me in the end, despite not really understanding at first.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

That’s so great!

@serenajamison1725 3 жыл бұрын

Four children, 18-17-14-10 when I came out one full year ago. Three of them were pretty fine with it, but my 17-year-old had (has) issues. He is not good with change, he is also taught in an atmosphere where the kids around him are not very open and accepting of differences in others, and he was kind of blindsided by it to some extent because he is focusing so much more on himself and trying to find a path for himself outside the house. The people who are around the transitioner are transitioning too, whether they want it or not, and they may need mental and emotional support from a qualified therapist as well. It is definitely up to them how much they transition though and the person who is transitioning should definitely never set any expectations, other than the expectation and the lessons that everyone at least deserves respect.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry your son is having a hard time. Great point about kids needing support as well.

@adrianneblack6242 3 жыл бұрын

Too true. As an older transistioner myself I have had the experience of being estranged from one of my children (I have 5) due to my transistion. However I believe it is his issue not mine and he needs to work through it.

@jessieoskins3389 3 жыл бұрын

Dr Z love the video! Telling my child that I’m trans to me is probably the hardest thing for me. I have a child who is special needs and they really have no understanding I feel like. Is there anything special that someone who has a special needs child needs to do different in regards to coming out to them? They are teen with cognitive disability at early grade school level. Thanks.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Hi and thanks for sharing. I would suggest using the language and words they would understand and often revisit the topic with them.

@FR0STBL0D 3 жыл бұрын

Even though I don't know much about you, your situation or your child ... as a person who has worked with people with disabilities ... my impression is that they usually are better accustomed to people who are different. They usually know how it is/feels to be a non normative person and usually know other non normative folks. At least from the folks I've worked with - I wouldn't expect them to understand the difference between sex and gender at once. Some might be confused or deem it funny. Yet I'd not expect coming out as trans (in my case: nonbinary) would lead to rejection or hurt our relationships.

@chasewhitmer3084 3 жыл бұрын

Lovely video. Great points. Would you do a video on coming out to parents who are set with a binary view? This is my main concern and why I haven't told my children about me being transgender, which I'm still mulling over. Me and my wife know that they'll tell my parents if we do

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you and yes, I will add it to my list.

@IrinaXY 3 жыл бұрын

thank you for this video... I explained to my son about my transition when he was 5, and he was with me at the court to hear about my official gender change... I has lived alone with him from 2017, no problem about gender acceptance, he always use the "she" but as I am divorced he has a lot of pressure when he visits his bio mother and her boyfriend... they force him to call me as "he" if he does not, he gets punishment. NB many transgender people in France like your channel..Thanks for you work

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to her your x and her boyfriend force him to use wrong gender identity with you.

@LeahT6317 3 жыл бұрын

Great information! While I'm only out to a few family members and friends my situation with my son is different he's autistic and non verbal. I do worry a bit because he's more attached to me then his mother so I wonder if he even recognize the different as I had pretty good development during my first year of HRT. He's under the age of ten so he has no idea of gender or so I think. I will try to explain it to him away as these a chance he's understand but won't care.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@cameron1371 3 жыл бұрын

Great video! Would you recommend coming out to young cousins in the same way?

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Yes. Just be honest and open.

@yitznewton 3 жыл бұрын

I'm NB transfeminine and have recently been transitioning much more than previously. I came out at work and have been presenting female many days at the office. My wife and I have 5 kids, and we're Orthodox Jewish, which means big trouble for moose and squirrel as far as our marriage goes as well as the community's reception. Our oldest (whom I'm out to) is 14 and I think her main concerns are her peers and the future of the marriage.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear that your heritage will make it difficult. I wish you all the best.

@jhennisparrhawk28 3 жыл бұрын

The first person, after myself and my therapist, I cam out to was my son. He was 24yrs old at the time and his reaction was a shock to me. He turned to me and asked, "What took you so long?" He's been very supportive and accepting. He just had one rule, "Yer my dad, you always will be, so don't ask me to call you MOM." I nearly cried. As I've progressed down this transition path, Socially, coming out to my friends, starting HRT, coming out at work and even beginning to present more authentically to the rest of the world, his only concern was that it was happening so fast. It was about 6mo between coming out to him and starting HRT and nearly a year after that when I told my bosses at work. My son is still supportive and I'll always be his DAD.

@christiewoods325 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Jhenni, My adult youngest son started calling me Christie instead of Dad. At first I was a little put off by loosing the title but, honestly, it something I don't think could be any better. My oldest son recently said to me, "When are you just going to come out? All my friends and my in-laws know. This is kind of a burden keeping the secrecy up." I could have kissed him. Both my sons lost their mother when she passed away when they were 8 and 12. I told them she will always be their mom. My step daughter recently announced to us that we will be grandparents in July. Then she looked at me and said it's okay if you are also grandma. I just pointed at her mother and said "There's grandma. I will be Nana or some other name we decide." I'm just so happy to continue to be a part of her life. Hugs!! Christie

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Jhenni that’s so great! Thank you for sharing!

@patriceferguson7340 11 ай бұрын

Yes hahahaha. Mine thought I was working and failing to hard to be the mommy. I only did the women dress up at church because I am listed as their mother for that but at work it’s all unisex uniform for back kitchen work. At home it was causal men’s clothing as women dress clothing and my body type just never looked good. Also needed the daughter for makeup as I am clueless. And worse uninspired enough to stand in a mirror to decide my hair.

@tonimidnite1611 3 жыл бұрын

MI working on the crisining of physically face to face.i feel they already know my ex knows and everyone she knows has been told I always send photos haasa.after a certain amount of years it leaks out and ya know I don't really care .i have always been an extreme perfectionist at whatever passion I had so if anything total amazement will ensue .Thars what has always happened when outed .

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@elsieparker8802 3 жыл бұрын

The bit about young kids mimicking is exactly what I'm dealing with. My 6yo male kid started wanting more feminine clothes 1.5 years before I came out, but once I did, their non-conformity definitely accelerated. It's been 10 months now, they still use a girl name, and the dresses are only multiplying. We're seriously wondering if this isn't just mimicry, so we got a play therapist onboard a couple of months ago. My own transition is confusing enough-- throwing a maybe-trans kid into the mix too is a whole other level of challenge!

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I hope you will get some clarity regarding your child.

@andybee1381 3 жыл бұрын

Will you make a video on how to come out to parents as an adult? I’m totally independent from my parents but they still see me as a child and it’s very scary. Most resources for coming out to parents is for teenagers or people who depend on their parents for housing or finances.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

To be honest it would be the same suggestion, meaning, just sit down with them and tell them. I wish you all the best.

@myflyingkidney 3 жыл бұрын

Oh, II will also add that I am raising a child from my partners previous marriage, she is 15 and I am quite scared to come out to her because of many reasons. Firs of all I am not ready to come out to her father, my partner's ex husband who has a new family and I am not sure what they think and how they would react. Consequently I don't our girl to have any burden in her relationship with hr father. I don't want her to have to hide it or anything else. I am also worried how it may affect her development, perception of gender or gender roles, if it would cause her any trauma or confusion. And finally I am not sure what is going to happen to her perception of relationships and if she will be able to have healthy relationships in case I come out, decide to transition and my partner and I end up breaking up because of it. Will our kid then form a faulty perception of how couples function and internalize it. Will she draw a conclusion that if you are honest to your partner things fall apart. She might form all those opinions subconsciously and not even know it. I don't want to be the person that ruined her life, I feel responsible for her well being. And finally I am unwilling to share something like this because we are not that close, we are somehow close but not close. I am not her parent I am helping raise her, but we always have this sort of distance between us, because we are not related, she has both of her parents in her life and I met her when she wasn't a baby anymore, she was 8, also we are very different people, so we haven't formed a bond that is so close. So I am very reluctant.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@T_SoulRebel 3 жыл бұрын

We have a 2boy, 7girl, and 14boy. My oldest is from a previous relationship and lives here only a few weekends a month, but we are close still. I haven’t came out to them yet but have to my wife and a few friends. I would like to tell my mom before the kids. My appearance is still very male. I shaved the beard and am dressing slightly more comfortable. Not making big changes because my wife is still learning about all of this and I would like to make our marriage work. She is ok with me dressing and changing some slight features, hair and wearing more bracelets again for example. She probably remembers the hippie I was when we met with less muscle mass (had to man up😐), bracelets, long hair and a smooth face. I really hope with all the love we have for each other she can find Mychelle as beautiful if not more than Mike. I really wish I found your videos before coming out to my wife, that was a really hard week (last week). Thank you for the videos. I have now almost caught up to the ones that stood out. Now on to the others 💕🏳️‍⚧️ MB

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@beach-butterfly 3 жыл бұрын

I have a 13 and a 14 year old, both are on the autistic spectrum, my daughter I think will be fine as she has had some exposure to lgbt folks through tiktok but I worry about how my son will take it, he is not comfortable with change and I do not want to have to ask them to keep things secret so dressing just at home does not seem like the right move, how do you know when the best time to tell them is? I am hoping to start the process of socially transitioning over the next year or so.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Personally, I don’t think there is ever “the right time”. I believe the sooner the better for all. But that’s just me. Do what you feel is best.

@laceymoore34 3 жыл бұрын

In Canada you can find the book "Red" at indigo.ca

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks!

@christianrobertdemassy900 Жыл бұрын

hello, i would love to know what you think of the autogynephilia theory. it sort of shocked me when i first heard about it. i now wonder if it does not make sense. at least in my case. also, might transgenderism be in some cases a way to relieve anxiety ? i more and more wonder if it really has anything to do with identity. as this is such and elusive and flimsy notion.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Yup video is coming up.

@bharadwajsai5382 3 жыл бұрын

Very informative doc ! thanks for the vid but the thing is that I am the teen , adult kid lol :d

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

HI and thanks for commenting but keep in mind my content is for adults only.

@bharadwajsai5382 3 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I'm over 18 ma'am ! but am still considered a teen in here lol

@Alexxxa12 3 жыл бұрын

Doctor can you please make a video about autogynephelia. Thank you.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Will do.

@FR0STBL0D 3 жыл бұрын

Still a timely video for me. ... I've still steps to go to introduce my niblings (nephews; 4y & 8y) to the fact that they have an auntcle. I don't think they understood what I told them. The younger one certainly not. The older one just a bit. However ... they liked watching Ezra Furman and Twisted Sister music videos with me, they both experimented with colouring their nails (when I offered them to try it if they wanted), ... the older one knows about men wearing skirts (the Scots and their kilts), the younger "brother" of a friend of them is a gender-nonconforming kid ... so they know quite a bit about fluidity in gender expression and gender roles. However, that's still not gender. What's additionally helpful is that they can compare me with their mother and father (my brother) ... and see that lots of my skills, interests, behaviours, things I own ... match either with their father or mother. I'm not sure how to point it out. Yet ... there are still very few childrens' books about trans and no nonbinary ones in German. With movie clips or something like that it's equally difficult. What I did use was the short English clip "the meaning of mahu" (besides being a different culture with different traditions I very much relate to the core of it). I translated the text and we stopped every once in a while: vimeo.com/121847436 ... there is yet a lot of fear about all this. And certainly also concern about harming 'em.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@GracieMarisolFloresNape 3 жыл бұрын

by the way I would like a video that there are trans people who do not transition out of fear of religion, what to do in those cases?

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Hmmm you are not the first to ask me that. I'll think about it. The challenge is that I am not religious myself, while spiritual, so will see.

@GracieMarisolFloresNape 3 жыл бұрын

I have always thought that if you raise a child in an environment where you educate them that people have rights and obligations where when you see a transsexual woman on the street and tell your children to respect her that you should not be homophobic, racist, Transphobics the easier it will be to accept their transsexual father as opposed to raising them in a very closed, conservative religious environment.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

I agree with you. The sad part is that you can raise a child not to be transphobic but because the world largely is, the child eventually may develop some of it.

@dinahnicest6525 3 жыл бұрын

Though I haven't come out yet, my womanhood has always been an open secret. My hair is long and curly. I shave my legs, often paint my nails, wear perfume. All of my clothes come from the women's dept. I sleep in women's sleepshirts and flannel gowns... I'm pretty sure that my kids (ages 17 & 19) will be OK with it. I'm not so sure about my wife. She's from China, and the type of attitude I should expect from someone who was raised in that culture is a detail I haven't yet learned. She has never said anything about any of my feminine ways, but that could just be because she doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable. The interesting thing about my daughter is that she might be trans too! She wears her hair short and is content to wear her brother's hand-me-downs. My conservative sister asked if she's gay. I said "It doesn't matter. I have to accept it either way." "Why don't you ask?" "Because that gives it some importance." If my daughter tells me something about herself, I will definitely tell her about myself, no matter who else might be around. But as long as she doesn't, I'm reluctant to tell her because it could imply an expectation of a confession from her, and I don't want her to feel any kind of pressure. I decided long ago, that I should come out when the kids are grown. That day is coming soon, and the more I think about it, the smaller the step appears to be. I'm not the kind of girl who wears lots of make up and pink frilly dresses. I'm a denim and jersey skirt girl who will continue to wear pants most of the time. I just hope that everyone else will see it as the same small step that I see.

@DRZPHD 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best!